I dare you
A/N: So yeah fluff. Sickeningly sweet stuff. Yuck. I think I got a cavity. Oh well after so much action and angst I think I can give you a tiny bit of fluff for your pains of reading this hectic story. haha.
Chapter 35
It was the day after SHIELD was politely made aware of their shitty benefits and got a slap in the face from their best field team before the two pretty much fell off the face of the earth.
Now people were pissed. When we say people we really mean Nick damn Fury.
Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff were currently holding the number 1 spot on their internal wanted list AKA the list of agents who royally needed their ass kicked.
"That's a bit extreme you know…" Coulson said warily staring at the report in his hand and glancing up at his boss. Fury raised an eyebrow and gave his best handler a dry look.
"Coulson…they took your kid and ditched the country," Fury said blankly. Coulson froze with his coffee cup nearly crashing to the floor.
Wait for it…let it sink in…
"THEY DID WHAT?" Coulson shouted nearly dropping all his papers to the ground. Fury gave him a measured look – someone was late.
"I thought you kept better tabs on her Coulson?" Fury said warily. Coulson whipped out his phone and then really did drop his papers to the floor. He quickly flipped through his hundreds of surveillance details and found the one he was looking for. He took a closer look at the familiar footage and realized it was a repeat of a couple days ago.
His mouth honestly hit the floor.
"That sneaky girl! She hacked my phone and looped the security camera footage in her school!" Coulson said in disbelief as he stared at his phone in shock. Fury shook his head and stared up at his ceiling.
"What is my organization coming to when my best agents got seriously played by a 9 year old, basically fall in love with her and now my handler got the rug pulled from beneath his feet by her too? I need to meet this kid. Find them Coulson," Fury said giving him the eye. Coulson scoffed.
"Oh you don't have to tell me twice. I am going to kick their ass myself," Coulson growled with promise as he spun around and stalked out of his director's room.
He was going to kill those two assassins himself – the bastards stole his kid!
Meanwhile in small country called Panama 3 interesting tourists were having the most awkward time of their life. Mostly because they couldn't agree on anything. The three of them sat on a concrete wall facing the blue Caribbean ocean and made weird faces at each other.
"Let's jump in the ocean!" Alicia said excitedly. Natasha snorted.
"I refuse to get drenched for fun," Natasha muttered definitely not liking the kid's idea of fun. Alicia scoffed from beside her as she dangled her feet over the edge of the concrete wall.
"Well I refuse to sit in the shade and read trashy romance novels all day long," Alicia muttered giving Clint a pointed look. The archer immediately turned bright red.
"They're not romance novels – they're genuine mystery stories!" Clint said defensively. Natasha and Alicia gave him matching unimpressed looks.
"They're boring romance novels Barton," they said at the same time. Clint defiantly shook his head in denial.
"No they're not! And besides I refuse to drink vodka until I puke – beside she's underage so there will be no alcohol on this trip," Clint said shooting Natasha and are-you-crazy? look. Natasha simply shrugged.
"Hey I'm not the one who passed out after a single shot," she said dryly. Alicia snickered behind her hand as Clint gaped like a fish.
"IT WAS 95% WOMAN!" Clint exclaimed in disbelief. Natasha snorted.
"Lightweight baby," she said promptly turning away from her annoying partner. Alicia laughed softly as she swung her legs back and forth as she stared up at the clear blue sky and listened to two of her most favourite people in world bicker like they always seemed to do.
"I wanna build a sand castle," she said suddenly. Natasha furrowed her brow in confusion.
"Why would you want to build a castle out of sand? Won't it just break down or get washed away eventually?" she asked cautiously. Clint and Alicia blinked.
Cricket…cricket...cricket…
"You said she lived under a rock in Russia for the first 20 years of her life right?" Alicia asked Clint as they shared a dry look.
"Probably longer – I think she lied about her age and is actually too scared to tell us she is a hermit even older than me," Clint said shaking his head in shame. Alicia nodded gravely. Natasha scowled at the two annoying dark haired chatty people.
"Don't make me lock both of you in a washroom together and refuse to feed you for days," Natasha said threateningly. The blinking was back – what?
"That is just cruel Tasha!" Clint said in utter shock. Natasha huffed while Alicia just rolled her eyes.
"Natasha you build sand castles so that you can stomp them to death in the end," Alicia said simply. Natasha stared at her for a long moment.
Cricket…cricket…cricket…
"I really don't under the American definition of fun," she muttered rubbing her forehead feeling a headache coming along nicely. Alicia snorted.
"This is not the American version of fun! It's the Spanish version! It's much more entertaining than dull Americans. God you should see some of my classmates! They're so boring! Always going on and on about things like videos games and shopping! I had a lot more fun back in Spain seeing ancient history in our old cities and discovering mysteries the civilizations from our past left behind," Alicia said with a pleasant sigh. Natasha snorted – she doubted Alicia even went to school while living with her father in Spain.
"Someone is a little arrogant…" Natasha said under her breath. Alicia glared at her.
"Someone is a killjoy," she shot back. Natasha shot her a dirty look.
"Someone is pushing my buttons and is going have her little body dunked into the Caribbean ocean head first," Natasha said dangerously. Alicia stuck her nose in the air.
"I'd like to see you try Miss Russian badass," Alicia challenged not being intimidated one bit by the woman who has killed hundreds. Natasha's eyes darkened – Clint would be a little worried Alicia was really getting on her nerves if it wasn't for the odd glint in Natasha's eye…she was enjoying being pissed off by a kid.
Who would have guessed?
"Don't test me you little Spanish shrimp," Natasha said steadily. Alicia stuck her tongue out at the stiff Russian and made little devil ears on her head.
"Oh tengo tan miedo. Natasha es el diablo," Alicia scoffed giving Natasha once over look. Natasha's eye twitched – oh this kid was going to get it now.
"You know I know fluent Spanish right? I can call you evil things in Russian too kid…," Natasha said through gritted teeth. Clint quickly chose this moment to intervene.
"Does anyone care what I want to do?" Clint mumbled from beside the two warring girls. They both promptly gave him matching annoyed looks.
"Stay out of this idiot!" they growled in unison. Clint blinked and slowly edged away from their burning gaze. Dude women were scary things.
"Um…does anyone want ice cream? Cause it's burning hot and I think the heat is getting to our heads…" Clint said slowly. Two pairs of conflicted eyes stared at him torn between wanted to kick his ass for suggesting that they were going loopy and just allowing him to buy them some sweet cold snacks. As the bright equatorial sun beat down on their faces they finally cracked.
"Fine," they muttered crossing their arms. Clint tried really hard not to laugh – they didn't get along too, too well but at the same time they hit it off perfectly.
"Alright don't kill each other while I'm gone okay?" he said with the amusement clear in his voice as he spun around and hopped off the wall. He patted Alicia on the knee and gave his partner the usual you-know-you-want-me look before he stuck his hands in his pockets and walked down the beach boardwalk towards the little stalls that sold overpriced treats to beach dwellers. He heard an annoyed growl and swiftly ducked as an expected sandal flew over his head. He caught it easily and flashed a boyish grin over his shoulder as he held the black sandal up and waved.
"Is the lovely Russian playing Cinderella today? I wouldn't mind being price charming," he called out with the signature shit-eating grin on his face.
If vicious deadly looks could kill stupid reckless archers…
"SHUT UP BARTON!" Natasha shouted showing him her fist and patted her hip where her gun was. Beside her Alicia was laughing her head off nearly in tears as he blew his partner a kiss and snickered as she looked like was about to explode in rage.
Ah life was good. Even though she was still in denial.
He glanced around at all the crazy ice cream flavours and tried to find a normal looking one without crazy exotic fruits in them he doubted they could stomach. His eyes lazily traveled around the crowd around him out of a habit drilled into his skull since the day he started working for SHIELD – and then he froze when he caught sight of a familiar looking face. He didn't really know the dark haired man with a sour look on his face as he angrily conversed with someone at the other end of his phone – but he had seen his picture in the SHIELD database before.
He was a ground-based SHIELD Intel contact.
"Well shit," Clint said under his breath before he spun around and quickly stalked back towards two girls who had moved from the wall lining the beach and were now actually sitting by the water and glaring at each other daring the other to go in first.
Too bad it was time to go.
"You go in first - you're the famous Black Widow!" Alicia huffed as she crossed her arms in a defiant act. Natasha gave her an exasperated look.
"You're the kid who is practically Barton's. You should love water," Natasha shot back promptly evading the challenge. Alicia narrowed her eyes at the reluctant Russian.
"Are you a chicken lady?" she asked slowly. Natasha froze - was she really being patronized by a child of all people? She was about to tell the kid where she could take a chicken and where shove it up when she finally noticed a steel eyed archer stalking towards them with a determined look on his face. She was instantly on guard and swiftly packed up their minimal stuff and swung the backpack over her shoulder. Alicia noticed the change immediately and her playfulness vanished. She felt someone hover behind her and felt them place a warm pair of hands on her waist.
"Sorry for interrupting your little argument but we have got to go ladies," Clint said calmly but with an edge in his voice. Natasha and Alicia both glanced over his shoulder and tried to see what had his boxers in a twist.
"What did you see Barton...?" Natasha asked as she rose to her feet and reached forward to bring Alicia's dark sunglasses down on her face to cover her eyes. Clint promptly picked her up and spun her around so that she could wrap her arms around his neck. She was much too light for a 9 year old.
"Trouble has finally caught up with us - we need to leave the city before they realize we're here," he said sharing a significant look with his partner over Alicia's shoulder. SHIELD was definitely looking for them not only because they ditched extraction but because they kidnapped a rather valuable kid who knew codes that can destroy the world.
No big deal right?
"Pretend you're sleeping," he whispered in Alicia's ear as he started walking away from the ocean and down the street with Natasha easily keeping stride beside him. Alicia closed her eyes and rested her head on his rather broad shoulder.
"Is it SHIELD or someone else?" she whispered into his shoulder. A smirk played at the edge of his lips - smart kid.
"Not exactly SHIELD but someone they know..." he answered as he glanced over to his partner and watched her scan the area with her ever calculative gaze. He saw her tense when her eyes landed on the SHIELD Intel contact they knew was posted in Panama. Well what were the damn odds of him being in the same exact damn beach at the same time as the runaway assassins being hunted by their entire organization?
Apparently with their luck the odds of fucking this up were really high.
Clint once told her it was paranoia to memorize all the faces and locations of the people who worked for their organization. Now he felt like an idiot for not wholly embracing her rather helpful paranoia.
He could see her subtly brush her thigh where her gun was strapped to but slowly shook his head at her.
"Try to keep pretending we're supposed to be here. It's a better blend," he said quietly and he adjusted his grip around Alicia's waist. Natasha glanced at him for a second before she accepted his recommendation and nodded. They didn't need to kill anyone unless they absolutely had to. Intel hadn't noticed them yet so that meant bloodshed wasn't required.
But they would if it came to that. Though they would prefer Alicia didn't see that side of their jobs anytime soon. They were really trying to pretend they didn't kill people for a living. Apparently no matter where they go there is always a reminder about who they really are.
He felt Alicia's silence as her brain worked a hundred miles an hour while she had her cheek pressed against his shoulder. She was dissecting the situation too fast for his liking - he didn't know how good for her health that was.
"What are you thinking so hard about kid?" he asked curiously trying to keep Alicia's thoughts from becoming too depressing like he knew was a rather big possibility. He left the watching their tail to Natasha. She took the hint and zoned out of the conversation. He felt Alicia take a few soft breaths against his shoulder before she responded.
"I was wondering what car we were going to steal to ditch this party and if you would consider hijacking that Ferrari an annoying stuck up rich boy drove here and then proceeded to walk around the beach like he owned the whole place," she said with a slight scoff at the end as if she couldn't believe someone could be so conceited. Clint nearly burst out laughing - oh dear god her thoughts were hilarious. They weren't depressing at all.
He wondered offhandedly how much that was a coping mechanism. Damn his brain for thinking too hard. Damn the fact that the kid was probably as messed up as they were. Damn the fact that he was a sick bastard for being glad that she wasn't normal - normal kids wouldn't be able to handle stuff like this.
"Sure thing kid - wanna point out which one?" he asked keeping his tone light. They really were going to have to steal a car so it might as well be a fancy one from a person who could easily buy another.
"Straight ahead, down the street we're on right now, take a left on the next set of lights, there should be a parking lot with a sleeping guard who was probably too lazy to do his job and the Ferrari I'm talking about is the red one most likely 3 cars from your right. It might be 4 - sorry I'm not sure. We only passed by that location once," she said quietly without even opening her eyes. Clint froze and nearly tripped over his own feet in utter shock.
Damn that was intense. Just damn.
"Alicia your brain scares me sometimes..." Clint said playfully - he was only half joking. Her dad was kind of a little bit more then crazy - he was a little worried for her future. He felt Natasha tap him in the back and glanced over to lock eyes with her ever serious gaze.
"Intel is moving our way," she said steadily. He tensed and quickly sped up using Alicia's perfect instructions right down to the letter. Damn her genius made him feel jealous sometimes - but then he felt stupid for being jealous of a little girl who lost so much and instantly shut those thoughts down.
"Has he spotted us?" he asked giving his partner a careful look. She shook her head slowly.
"No, the crowds are thick enough that he can't see us clearly. He's just wary at this point," she said slowly. He nodded and walked right into the parking lot and found the red Ferrari Alicia was talking about. Natasha instantly took out one of her many little tools and started jimmying the lock. Clint covered her with Alicia still in his arms while she worked. They all heard the telltale click and quickly threw open the door so that they could file into the car. Clint slammed the door shut behind them and they all sighed in relief. That was slightly nerve-wracking. Alicia wasn't quite with him there.
"Well that was fun," she said as she opened her eyes and pulled away from his neck to fall onto her back across their laps. Her head fell on Natasha who was sitting in the passenger's seat and Alicia flashed her a cheeky smile. Natasha raised a single eyebrow at the rather Barton-like actions.
"Can your little tool start a car or does Clint have to spark the engine?" Alicia asked curiously. Natasha suddenly gave her another one of her mysterious smile - darn those made his stomach twist in ways he didn't think possible.
"I have a better idea," she said as she suddenly reached in the tiny compartment in the center of the car and pulled up a set of car keys - both Alicia and Clint's mouth hit the floor. Man the kid who bought this car was drop dead stupid.
Natasha glanced out the car window and suddenly narrowed her eyes before she swiftly stuck the keys into the ignition and gave her partner a pointed look.
"Start driving Barton," she said evenly. He whipped his head around and stared at the SHIELD contact who was suddenly much closer than before. He was still talking on the phone and when he looked straight at him Clint whipped his head back to the front and immediately took hold of the steering wheel.
"Oh fuck!" he shouted before he slammed his foot on the gas pedal and shot out of the parking lot before anyone they didn't want to see showed up. Alicia squeaked as she nearly fell to the floor and quickly grabbed onto Natasha who froze from the sudden contact and they both blinked at each other.
Whiz Kid vs. Russian Assassin.
They really didn't know how to talk to one another.
"Ah...are you going to let go now?" Natasha asked slowly as she stared at the little hands gripping her shirt like her life depended on it. Alicia gave her a nervous smile.
"Ha ha...No..." Alicia laughed nervously holding on even tighter as the car jolted while Clint made a sharp turn down another street – they needed to get onto a dirt road leading away from the city. Natasha gave her a wary look as Alicia suddenly shifted closer to keep from falling off the edge of the seat.
"What are you doing Alicia?" Natasha asked with a sigh. Alicia shot her a cute half grin.
"I'm just picking the lesser of two evils. Between death by car crash or death by cool assassin I choose assassin any day. By the way Clint you shouldn't say the f word you know - that's bad parenting," Alicia added as an afterthought. Natasha and Clint both stared at the little girl with matching blank expressions.
Cricket...cricket...cricket...
"Are you telling me how I should parent you?" he asked in disbelief. Alicia shrugged.
"Hey it's some good advice," Alicia said calmly. Clint snorted - no wonder she could practically raise herself.
"Any other good advice?" Clint asked dryly as he glanced at kid. Alicia was about to respond with a sarcastic answer of her own when she noticed a smoking car accident blocking the center of the road - they weren't slowing down though. Natasha tensed as she saw it too.
"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD IDIOT!" Natasha and Alicia shouted at the same time. Clint's eyes shot forward ad he quickly yanked the steering wheel to the left and managed to avoid the wreckage just in time. They all took a calming breath when they were sure they weren't about to die. Natasha shot her partner a deadly look.
"From now on only I am the designated driver for future escape plans alright?" she said irritably. Clint gave her a sheepish look that promptly morphed into a mischievous one.
"Yes dear," he said cheekily. Her right eye twitched - bad sign.
SMACK!
Clint winced from the painful smack and lost focus of the road for a second and let the entire car swivel sharply to the left. Alicia squeaked as she nearly fell to the floor again.
"AHHH Natasha you almost made him flip the car over!" Alicia shrieked as the held onto the volatile agent ever harder. Natasha tensed.
"Stop. Squeezing. Me," Natasha said through clenched teeth – she was serious. Alicia squeaked and quickly let go of her death grip on the not very touchy feely Russian. Apparently there were limits to how much little kid Natasha could take.
It was an honest miracle she lasted this long.
An hour later of driving down the coast Clint finally brought the car to a stop beside a stretch of a sandy, empty and quiet beach. They all stared at the calming scene and even though it looked incredibly boring they were ready for something boring for once in their crazy hectic lives.
"Guess we're having our vacation with the wind in our hair, the damn seagulls in the sky and no people in sight," Clint said with a sigh. Natasha and Alicia rolled their eyes and got out of the car at the same time. He leaned his head against the steering wheel as he watched the two walk around the car and suddenly start another staring match. He nearly burst out laughing at the annoyed twitch in Natasha's eye because she couldn't out stare a 9 year old.
The calm and quiet was instantly shattered - they were nowhere near calm people.
"You're still a chicken you know?" Alicia said crossing her arms and falling right back into the banter they had going before they were rudely interrupted by reality. Natasha cocked an eyebrow and promptly opened his door and suddenly dragged his ass out of the car and hauled him up beside her.
"He is actually the biggest chicken because he absolutely can't stand seagulls," Natasha said with a devious smirk. Clint gaped at her in disbelief. Who liked seagulls? Vicious dirty beasts! Alicia furrowed her brow.
"Huh?" she asked rather ineloquently. Natasha chuckled with a dark undertone and promptly stuck her hand in his pant pocket causing him to squeak in surprise and pulled out a chocolate bar she knew he always carried around - the idiot had a sweet tooth bigger then Mount Everest.
"Observe Alicia," she said simply before she opened the infamous half-melted chocolate bar and smeared it all over his face before he could even blink.
"Natasha what the hell?" he exclaimed heatedly staring at the mess she made on his face and shirt. He glanced up and noticed the evil glint in his partner's eyes with impending dread.
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"SQUAAAAAAAACK!" a hundred shrill voices shrieked from behind him. Clint paled and slowly turned around to see a gigantic angry mob of evil seagulls hovering in the air above him.
Oh he was dead.
"I HATE YOU SO GOD DAMN MUCH ROMANOFF!" Clint screamed as he started bolting across the beach. Natasha simply smirked as the massive flock of seagull's chased after the chocolate covered assassin. That was the funniest she has ever witnessed.
"Now Alicia – this is what I call prime entertainment," Natasha snickered beside the little girl. Alicia nodded with a look of awe on her face.
Natasha was now really her idol.
"For once I will agree with you Natasha," Alicia said watching Clint Barton run for his life down the beach towards the water to dive into the ocean and wipe the chocolate off his face so that he wouldn't get pecked to death by vicious seagulls.
"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU DAMN BIRDS!" Clint shouted before he threw himself into the water and sunk to the bottom. Natasha and Alicia took one look at each other's evil expression and burst out laughing.
The poor archer was never going to be able to eat chocolate again.
10 minutes later they all managed to calm down and drag an irritated and drowned rat looking agent out of the ocean. He flopped onto the warm sand and glared at his partner sitting innocently beside him. He coughed up disgusting salt water and scowled at her.
"Wipe that smirk off your face Tasha," he grumbled into the ground. Natasha snorted.
"Not a chance you wimp," she said with a slight twitch at the corner of her lips. He pushed himself into a sitting position and wagged his eyebrows at her.
"You know what the only thing left to do is right Tasha?" he said mysteriously. Natasha gave him a quizzing look.
"Barton…" she said warningly. He just kept grinning.
"Give me a big wet soggy hug oh deadly partner of mine," Clint said evilly. Natasha froze.
"Oh god no stay away from me you drowned rat," she hissed as she quickly shifted away from him – but the promise in his eyes didn't relent – until she firmly pointed her gun in between his eyes. He paused.
Well that was a bummer.
"Sit down and sulk in silence Barton or I will blow your brains out," she said steadily. He pouted and dropped his arms.
"Tasha you're no fun," he sulked all the same. She rolled her eyes and they both glanced at the water when they heard a quiet laughter.
"Hey kid aren't you kind of bored playing in the water by yourself?" Clint asked curiously as he watched Alicia splash the warm blue water with her feet.
"I don't mind. I prefer being alone," Alicia said as she held her hands outs and walking along a log siting on the sandy ground unyielding to the light ocean currents. Clint and Natasha gave her a wary look.
"That's not exactly a healthy attitude for a kid Alicia..." Clint said carefully. Alicia didn't even blink - it speaks volumes about how many times she has heard that concern in her life.
"How many other 9 year olds want to discuss thermodynamics and the reasons behind the recent Iraqi invasion?" Alicia said calmly without looking away from making it across the 15 foot long log. Clint sighed and gave Natasha a pleading look. She raised an eyebrow.
"I was learning how cut a man's throat in 26 different ways with only a paperclip when I was 9 - don't look at me for what is normal," she said dryly. Clint rolled his eyes - god she was so morbid sometimes.
"You're both insane women," he grumbled dragging his hands over his face in only a half joking exasperation. He hears two distinct snickers.
"You like crazy," they said at the same time. He groaned and fell back against the sand stared up at the sky with the damn seagulls circling them waiting for Natasha to whip out another chocolate bar – as if he was ever going to carry those to a beach ever again.
Being on the run was never quite so peaceful – if you could call running across the world with a crazy Russian assassin, a genius Spanish 9 year old and an overly sarcastic American archer anything close to peaceful.
Maybe it was just the right kind for them.
A/N: How much of their vacation do you really want to read? I think I have one more chapter planned before I start the normal storyline back up. If you want Clintasha (legit romance) it's not going to happen with Alicia around. It'll probably start heating up after the say good bye and on their own again. I have a really intense evil mission to throw them into after they drop Alicia off and get their asses whipped by Coulson and Fury.
Review and let me know if you liked the fluff! I'm itching to write action again. haha.