Chapter 38: The Pariah

Days had quickly turned to weeks, which quickly turned into months.

Avaryss had been forced to adopt a new strategy.

Once again she returned to her room after another day of training. She sat her war blade near the bed, before flopping down hard onto mattress. Her eyes briefly looked at her weapon. It never left her sight now unless it was safely locked away by her.

Her body ached from today's training, normally that would not have been a problem, the Force would have increased her stamina to a degree that such a work out would have been nothing to endure. She had reached a level that, when the Force was hers to command, she could do a hand stand for two hours and not feel the least bit pained or tired.

Unfortunately, she could not do that anymore.

The Force remained blocked to her. She continued to deal with that problem, but had only found minimal success. She had spent the last two months cracking away at the wall inside her mind, yet the mental block remained strong. She was making progress though. She could finally sense others through the Force again; even manage to lift small objects with it.

It is not fast enough, the dark voice reminded her; people are starting to take notice, you can only hide this for so long.

She knew that, which had been part of the reason she had needed to switch tactics. She had needed to adopt a whole new persona when she was out among her fellow acolytes.

It was a persona she had come to quickly despise.

Her shaming continued, the masters had all but forgotten her, and she continued to drop lower and lower in their eyes. New acolytes arrived to replace those that had either fallen, or been taken by the masters as full Sith. She should have been among them, off this rock months ago and taken out into the Empire. What had happened with Fehl changed all that.

Now she was barely keeping her head above water. She was a non-entity, or at least, that is what she wanted everyone to think. She did everything in her power to appear beaten, to appear broken, to make destroying her appear to be as worthless as stabbing a corpse. She kept her head down in training, not daring to show any defiance. While on the inside she was watching the other Acolytes, not only evaluating their skills but also searching for clues to who might have caused Fehl's death.

The killer had not left Korriban, she could feel it. All those that had arrived after Fehl had died were excluded, but that still left a long list of suspects. It would take time to investigate, but if anything, she had time.

She was no threat to anyone now. She had worked hard to make sure everyone thought that.

Taya had proved invaluable to her little ruse. To those that she wanted to impress, she was stringing Avaryss along, farming her for both knowledge and another blade if she needed one. To those that were not useful, she played the spoiled little princess who cared too much for her broken friend. Taya spread the tale, and watched; saw who ran to tell who what. So far, the blonde had heard nothing about Fehl's death, but it was only a matter of time until someone either bragged to her, or tried to eliminate Avaryss' last ally. When they did, Taya would be ready to bring that information to her old buddy, Avy, provided she did not have to kill the culprit herself in self-defense.

Avaryss hoped that would not be the case. She wanted the pleasure of slaying Fehl's murderer herself. Of course, she would need her powers back before she could accomplish that.

She wanted to savor that kill, feel it in all its glory through the Force.

It was as decent a motivation as any.

Of course, she still had to be careful; she could not pretend to be too useless. She needed to avoid simply being culled by the overseers.

So, as she worked to restore her powers, she had needed to take steps to remain relevant, or at least useful, both to keep the overseers from assigning her death as a test for the new acolytes, and to keep the other students from using her as a stepping stone to their next level of training. This meant that she needed to do something that the old Avaryss would never have even thought of trying.

Tremel still blamed her for Fehl. He would never aid her in anything again. Yet, she still needed the patronage of someone, a Sith could not survive without a power base, their own or someone else's.

A shudder ran down her spine.

It was for that reason that she was so exhausted today.

Harkun asked much of those that became his creatures.

She was expected to perform.

Today, one of Harkun's pets had gone psychotic, killed three other acolytes before Avaryss had stopped him. It had been a tough fight, but that was for the best, she not only proved she was not completely useless, but made few new cracks in barrier separating her from the dark side. Harkun could have done it himself, but he preferred to let his henchmen do it, to prove his superiority over them. Today, that henchman had been Avaryss.

She should have been insulted, but wasn't. Harkun was giving her what she wanted…

She could put up with the man being an ass to her as long as that situation remained.

Being a thug was not so bad, as long as she could say that it was not to be a permanent assignment.

When she had first thought of using Harkun, she had almost balked at the idea. She found the man repellent, his petty cruelties base, and his ambitions small. Yet, with Tremel still being angry with her, she had had little option.

She needed protection while she worked to restore herself.

Harkun proved willing to offer that.

He had been slow to trust her. He remembered well the arrogant girl he had tried to embarrass on her first day. She had not forgotten either, but she had little choice. Every time she left this room she did everything in her power to make others see her as broken, that Fehl's death and her interrogation had destroyed her will and that she no longer cared for her own life and now lived only for the suffering of others now. She wanted them to see a pathetic creature, yes, but also a creature that had just enough skill to kill if it was threatened. The Academy had broken her, now she wished to break everyone else.

It was not that hard to think like that, had she not visited Spindrall or gained Taya's aid, she might have become such a creature.

It was an act, but one that could become reality if she gave up.

Her days were now spent at Harkun's side, as he worked with the new recruits, most of these were barely above the level of hopefuls she had known back on Fury 9, scum that should have been culled long before they found their way to this academy. Word had come down from the Dark Council recently, that the number of new Sith needed to be increased drastically. Spies among the Republic had discovered a massive recruitment drive being conducted by the Jedi within Republic borders. Their old enemy was snatching up anyone with Force talent.

The Sith needed to do the same.

Some of these new "Acolytes" barely qualified; Avaryss doubted that half of them would have made it through a month of training on Fury 9. They certainly did not belong here on Korriban.

The disdain she felt for these new students aided Harkun greatly. All he had to do was say her name, and she would act, usually to strike down this acolyte or that.

She felt no shame in carrying out the overseer's orders. It was simply a matter of survival, her survival. Plus…if they were not strong enough to defeat her in her weakened state, then they did not deserve to continue on.

The math was simple, it was her or them, and it would not be her.

She would do anything to ensure that goal.

Oh how she must have terrified Harkun's victims, she with her black training suit, and breath mask, she said little to the new students, trying to remain enigmatic and mysterious. Some had even come to fear her when they saw her at Harkun's side. Her dull red eyes glittered as she carried out her new master's orders, and sometimes, during the moments of her punishing these fools, she felt the wall holding back her powers crack, filling her up with a temporary sense of dark satisfaction.

The realization gave her pause.

Perhaps there was value to her being Harkun's creature that went beyond mere survival.

Perhaps there was more to it.

Harkun was not above showing gratitude either, he could not reverse Tremel and the other instructors' decision to abandon her, but he could supply her with texts to study, especially when those studies aided him in his own ambitions. It was rumored that Harkun had recently won a new patron in the form of Lord Zash of the Pyramid of Knowledge. Zash was said to be a skilled sorceress in her own right, and, since sorcery was not really Harkun's area of study, he turned to Avaryss to ensure his new patron would be happy with his finds.

Even a broken Sith Sorceress had value when exploring the ancient texts.

Recently, Lord Zash had become extremely interested in the ancient Sith Lord Tulak Horde; she had Harkun sending acolytes daily to the dark lord's tomb, searching for this artifact or that etching. Harkun brought everything that the others collected to Avaryss, who sorted through each item, looking for clues that might link them to whatever it was that Zash wished to discover.

She found the exercise most challenging. Slowly, she came to the conclusion that it was not the artifacts alone that the lord was interested in. Everything that Zash had Harkun collecting referred to some sort of spell or ritual, a ritual known only to Tulak Horde himself.

Interesting, Avaryss thought, feeling a bit of the old hunger she had known so well back on Fury.

The magic of the ancients still intrigued her.

"Will you be able to provide Lord Zash with what she desires, Acolyte?" Harkun had asked her earlier.

"I'm afraid that it will not be that easy, overseer," she had said, "The writings you have brought me, the artifacts, suggest that they alone are not enough to perform…whatever it is that Lord Zash wishes to perform."

Harkun had frowned.

"What do you mean? Can't you figure out what she wants?"

"I can," Avaryss said, "But the texts and artifacts that you have brought all suggest the same thing. Lord Tulak Horde was not the type to leave his power laying around for another to seize easily. The records of the ritual Lord Zash wishes us to find are incomplete. What has been brought only suggest the barest bones of such a ritual, so much else has been left out, likely that information has been stored elsewhere."

Harkun had snarled with frustration.

"But I promised Lord Zash that I would deliver what she seeks! I cannot go before her empty handed.

Avaryss frowned, and was grateful that he could not see it since she was wearing her breathing mask.

It was always I and me with Harkun, he had her, and his other acolytes, doing all the work, and they would likely not even get a thank you from Lord Zash.

She shook her head.

Harkun's whining was unbefitting a Sith, especially one who was an overseer here on Korriban.

Yet, her continued survival still depended on him.

She realized she would have to play along…sooth his worries.

No matter how much the prospect of it made her gag.

"You are far from empty handed, overseer," she said, "you will have much to turn over to Lord Zash, and besides this is no mere ritual that can be cast in a few hours. It will take Lord Zash months, if not years to set this up.'

He gave her a suspicious look.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it will take time for her to prepare this…whatever it is. I must admit, this is probably one of the most complex spells that I've ever heard of. The site of the ritual needs to be properly prepared, offering made, sacrifices carried out. Then there are the various artifacts that need to be gathered, sacrifices offered to them to see that they are properly charged…"

Avaryss grinned.

"Do not look at this as a failure, Overseer, look at this as a long term opportunity. Lord Zash will need your help for quite a while if she is going to pull this off."

Harkun nodded; slowly a wicked smile came to his lips.

No doubt he could see the value of a long term deal between him and the Dark Lord.

Avaryss had not even needed to lie to him. Whatever it was that Zash was planning, it was no simple thing. There was not enough information here to suggest what the purpose of this ritual might be, but it was something that would need to be carried out to perfection. One mistake, one tiny element not where it needed to be and the entire ritual would fail, perhaps quite spectacularly. The texts that Harkun had brought her all suggested that a lot of life energy was needed for this ritual, which meant that it was something major. Only death could pay for life. In fact it reminded her a little of a death field, but a Sith could conjure a death field on her own, she would not need all these artifacts, and special chants for something so simple.

No, Zash was playing a much larger game, a game that would likely not end well for…well…someone.

She had just enough compassion left in her to feel sorry for whoever that person was.

Harkun did not need to know that. She said nothing more, simply returning to her work. Eventually he dismissed her for the evening and she was allowed to return to her quarters.

Between the fight earlier and the huge amount of data she had gone through, her head spun. She welcomed the chance to rest.

IOI

As she lay on her bed, listening to the steady in and out of her respirator, she realized that there were some things that a Sith could get used to…

She sighed.

…and there were some things that would never be easy.

She wished for sleep, but it did not come. Sleep had been the hardest thing to find in the last few months. The old nightmares had returned in earnest, and a few new ones had joined their ranks.

She shook her head.

She had slept deeply and all night when she had found her rest in Fehl's arms. Her darkest knight had shielded her, the feel of his body, that musky male scent. It had been all that she had needed to feel safe and secure.

Safety is a lie, she thought, Security can only be achieved by destroying one's enemies utterly. What I felt was a fiction, an empty prayer…it was pathetic!

The realization stung, but it was one she had come to accept.

She had been pathetic. She had thought that Fehl was going to change her whole life for the better. That he was going to make everything all right again.

She had been so naïve.

She sat up in bed, angry at herself for her weakness. She tried to draw on that strength; let it tear through the malaise. Once again she felt a flicker of power, as the darkside reached out to her through the many cracks in the barrier.

It is time for another test, she thought, nodding grimly.

She reached up, and disengaged her breathing mask, the steady in and out stopped.

She slipped it off her face, and slowly, surely, drew in an unaided breath.

It felt normal, the air tasted sweeter with no trace of kolto in it, no medication robbing her of her pain.

For the briefest of moments, she felt like herself again, she felt relief. The medical droids all insisted that she would need to wear the damn thing for at least another four months…

…perhaps they were wrong, perhaps she could…?

COUGH!

COUGH!

COUGH!

Avaryss wheezed, her lungs not expanding as they should, her chest burned.

She struggled to hold onto her anger, to let it buffer her against such pain, and hold herself in that moment. She…

COUGH!

COUGH!

She cursed herself for a weakling.

She was not strong enough!

She quickly pulled the respirator back on, sealing it over her face; again she tasted kolto, and medicated air.

The steady in and out of her breathing returned, the pain in her chest subsided.

She pounded the mattress in frustration.

So much for hoping she was healing faster than expected.

In that brief sad moment, she had found clarity, understanding of what had happened. Fehl had been murdered, and his killer was still out there somewhere, but she did not have to look far to find the killer's accomplice.

She looked upon her every day in the mirror.

Tremel had been right; she was responsible for Fehl's death. She had been as much a distraction for him as he had been for her. Had they not gotten together, he would not have been so focused on the two of them having a life together. He would have been focused on his training.

She should never have let him in.

He had brought her pleasure, that was true, but everything else…that had been a mistake.

Never again, she thought, I will never let myself be led so far astray again.

Love had no place in the heart of a Sith. She had learned that lesson the hard way.

She would never forget it.

She settled in for another evening of meditation. It would be another very long night. She noticed a light flashing on her data pad; someone had left her a message.

She rose from where she was kneeling and retrieved it, the message was encrypted of course, but that was okay, she suspected who had sent it, and knew the password.

It was from Taya, of course, her servant claimed to have come up with a plan. She informed her that it would take time to set up, but, if everything went as she hoped, there was a good chance that Avaryss would soon have full access to her abilities again.

Avaryss shook her head; she could only imagine what the blonde acolyte had come up with. Taya was many things, but a skilled planner she was not.

For Avaryss to finally break through the blocks that held her back, it would require more than mere anger. It would require some act that would leave her in a state of complete and unrelenting fury.

So far…she had discovered nothing with the power to take her that far.

She doubted that Taya could have beaten her to it.

Still what choice did she have? The alternative was to remain Harkun's lackey forever, and that was something she found unacceptable.

Let her try, Avaryss thought.

It was not like she had anything to lose.

She erased the message and returned to her meditations. She listened to the steady in and out of her breathing, focusing on her emotions, her anger.

She was responsible for Fehl's death. She may not have done the deed, but…

Self-loathing brought pain, pain brought power. She reached down inside herself, finding that place where the dark side awaited.

She continued to batter the walls of her prison. More cracks formed, but they were not enough, they would never be enough.

If she was to be herself again, she needed to shatter those blocks forever.

So far she had yet to find anything capable of doing that. She would need to continue playing for time.

In the morning she would need to see Harkun again, help him with his latest batch of recruits.

The whole business made her feel dirty, but she could live with that, for now.

I will find my way back, she promised herself.

I will not be a pariah forever, when I'm finally whole again everyone in this stinking academy will see what I can do, and then…they will despair.

She grinned hungrily.

They will all despair.