AN: Thankyou for the reviews for the last chapter!!!
Very little spoiler (meaning small amount of info about it in letter but if you don't know then it's gonna be a BIG shock) for 5.10...It was hard to write straight after that ep. I needed sometime to compose myself and so did Dean, Dean definitely did.
Bloody Mary…
I Was There…The First Time…
Nightmares, every night, scratch that, every time you shut your eyes and drifted off you were plagued by nightmares.
It was getting to the point where I actually wanted to talk about it with you.
Wanted you to tell me what was up and have a chick flick kinda moment.
Cos I knew whatever you were holding onto was eating you up inside.
And it wasn't good for you.
Mentally, physically…
It was destroying you.
We were hunting, Bloody Mary.
And she went after people who had a secret where somebody died.
And that's how I found out.
That you had a secret…
Something you weren't telling me.
Something that made you think that it was your fault.
It was horrible to think that you were living with all that guilt and you wouldn't tell me, you wouldn't let me in.
I'm your big brother Sam I'm always here to help bear any burden you are carrying.
Anything that's bugging you…
I'm here for you.
I hope you know that.
Because more then anything Sam, I need you to be okay.
I can't function when your unhappy or hurt, not really.
I push through.
Because that's what I was taught to do.
But it's, it's hard.
Using yourself as bait for her Sammy.
God that was the last thing I wanted.
When I saw you bleeding from your eyes.
I could feel my heart in my throat.
But you were okay.
So I was okay.
You were right (like annoyingly your are most of the time) we needed to summon her.
But above everything.
You had to be okay.
You wanting to be bait.
I knew it was about Jess.
I hope you believed me when I said it wasn't your fault.
I don't really know how you feel about it now.
You never really mention her any more.
And I don't ask, because I don't want to open old wounds.
I'm sure it still hurts you.
But you've put it somewhere inside where you can move through life and not crumple broken to the floor.
That's what I do any way...
I hope you blame yellow eyes.
He did it.
He took her…
Or Lucifer.
He's the reason why any of this happened.
Or even, blame me.
I made you come with me and leave Jessica alone.
But Sam please don't blame you.
None of this is your fault.
What you told that girl Charlie.
You should try to forgive yourself.
No matter what you did you probably couldn't have stoped it.
Sometimes bad things just happen.
That is good advise.
Maybe we both need to remember that…
No matter what we did, what we do we can't change what has happened.
You didn't ask to be infected with yellow eyes blood, you were just a baby.
I'm scared that you think because of that, because he was after you that it's your fault that Jess and mum are gone.
But Please Sam don't.
Blame the demons.
Blame the angels.
They did this to us.
They're the reason we have lost nearly everybody we care about.
Mum, dad, Jess, Ash, Trevor, Caleb, Paster Jim…
And now we can add Ellen and Jo to that list.
All gone because they were close to us.
All we've got left is Bobby and Cas.
And each other.
We need to work together man.
Your right, we are strongest when we are together.
We are each other's biggest weakness and greatest strength.
So even though it hurts just to move sometimes.
And the blows just keep coming.
With all that has happened all that we have been through.
With all that's yet to come.
We will push on, cos that's what we were raised to do.
We will keep going.
We won't give in.
Fighting to the end.
We can't let them win.
We need to do it for them.
For every soldier we have lost in battle.
For the loved ones that are gone.
Just keep being my strength Sammy.
And I'll be yours.
You just need to keep being…
…because I need you.
More then words can ever express.
I need you.
Okay so what do you guys think? Reviews to me are like pie is to Dean. So don't forget them.