Facing One's Fears ...Or Not

It was so early in the morning, that Myka had time to sneak out of the bedroom and go into the upstairs library. She remembered the poses that Sui taught them in Yoga and sat down on the mat. She tried to open her mind, afraid of the meditation instruction of just letting thoughts come and not fighting them. No way in hell did she want those thoughts to come back! So she concentrated on her breathing and stretched her body to get in touch with having control. It was the only way to handle what she was feeling. Myka expected to feel confused, but she didn't. The dream was crystal clear, almost as if she expected it to be that way. Why would she have such awful dreams? There wasn't a shred of her that felt Helena was guilty of anything, so she knew it couldn't have come from her own subconscious – if there was any way to be certain of that. But if it wasn't hers, then was it possible she was tapping into Helena's dreams, while Helena remained unaware? Myka kept taking deep breaths as she thought about that.

And if Myka was experiencing these bad dreams, would Helena sense it through their connection? How was she going to protect Helena when that Oneness made them open books to one another?

Thirty minutes later, Myka was feeling physically more relaxed, but her head was still filled with questions. She returned to the bedroom, where Helena was still asleep. She slid next to her, kissed her on the forehead, and snuggled with her. How awful it must be to carry this burden, Myka thought. Right then and there, Myka decided Helena would not bear this alone ever again.

When Helena awoke minutes later, Myka greeted her with a kiss. "Do you know how much I love you?" Myka asked softly, as she gently stroked Helena's face.

"More than yesterday, not as much as tomorrow?" Helena guessed.

"More than anyone loves another in the world," Myka replied and kissed her hard.

It was exactly the way Helena enjoyed waking up, but in that passionate exchange, Helena felt it. "Are you okay?" she asked when they let go.

"I am, Helena, I really am," Myka replied because she was going to figure this out and then tell Helena.

"I feel…something," Helena said of her projected dreams.

"Yeah, I'm still thinking about it myself. We'll talk when I figure it out, okay?" Myka said, knowing denying it would only bother her wife.

"Can I do anything?" Helena offered.

"Yes," Myka said, moving closer until her lips were near Helena's, "…know that I will never let you go through anything alone."

Helena thought that was an odd response, but Myka was so thoughtful, it wasn't unusual for her to say things like that. "Thank you," Helena said, unaware of just what she was thanking Myka for.

When the couple arrived at work, Myka locked herself in her office and read up about dreams. The theories ran from the scientific about REM sleep to the psychological. Myka read…and remembered…that one theory is that dreams help the mind runs practice drills, as a way to prepare for potential danger. Then she read the some scientists believe dreaming can help people find solutions to elusive problems. And finally, the psychology journals suggested that dreams are our way of uncovering hidden emotions and feelings.

All of this made sense. None of it helped.

Myka turned from words of explanation to words of wisdom when she remembered one of her favorite quotes by one of her role models growing up, Eleanor Roosevelt.

- "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

Myka was going to face Helena's fears. If that dream came back, she was going to stay there and face it. Just the thought of doing that made Myka's stomach hurt. This wasn't any ordinary guilt and Myka knew it. This was unfathomable pain. This was …as Helena had said herself …something Myka just didn't get. What she did get was this – it had to be pretty bad for Helena to fight so hard to bury it.

Helena went about her work until she remembered that she needed Irene. Then she asked Sui to ask Irene to come upstairs. Sui told Helena something that had never happened before in all of Wells Corp history; Irene was late.

"Pardon?" Helena asked to be certain.

"Mrs. Frederic is not in as of yet," Sui said and Helena looked at her Rolex that clearly showed it was 9:10.

'Circuit board must be shot,' Helena mumbled and went outside to see if the android was okay because surely she was mistaken.

"You do know I'm talking about Irene Frederic?" Helena asked from her doorway.

That's when Sui informed her boss that Mrs. Frederic had dinner out with an old friend – a very handsome friend – and they returned late. Sui went on to describe the new behaviors she noted in their mutual friend and how she had never heard Mrs. Frederic sound so girlish. That was an adjective Helena could not get her head around.

Claudia was coming up to give Helena the latest update on Sui's program when she overheard the topic of conversation and thought her first eyewitness account would confirm what Sui was relaying.

"You talking about the new Mrs. Frederic?" Claudia asked and Helena already didn't like the sound of that and not just because of its poor grammar.

"Well, I'm not sure the adjective is correct, but I was relaying that her behavior was different," Sui clarified.

"Well, if 'by different' you mean all….'Oh James, it is sooooo good to see you," Claudia dramatically exaggerated and touched Helena's arm to demonstrate what she saw.

Helena's eyes shot from the unwanted hand on her body to the offender's eyes, and Claudia immediately withdrew it. The techie stared at the cold look in Helena's eyes. "She's…(cough)…not in yet."

"Who is this …James?" Helena asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing miserably.

"Oh! Funny story," Claudia tried to lighten the mood, but Helena's stare was not to be lightened. "He..was….is….a vendor who came to see me and what do you know? Turns out he's an old friend of Mrs. F. Like they haven't seen each other in decades. I think they had a little something going on because of the way…," the techie was laughing and then caught Helena's expression again. She coughed loudly, if only to shut herself up.

"The way?" Helena prompted the nervous underling.

"The way…they…were…so…friendly?" Claudia tried to guess the answer least likely to get her burned by Helena's look.

"Professor Verne is on the phone for you," Sui announced.

"From now on, I deal with only one member of a family," Helena stated annoyed. "Effective immediately, we will only hire single offspring…that are orphans." She marched back into her office to talk to one of her least favorite people.

"Good thing my brother is in Switzerland," Claudia whispered.

"Good thing I'm unique," Sui replied. It was technically her first attempt at a joke.

"Ha ha, very good," her Programmer congratulated her. "So, how are you feeling about …. You know?" Claudia asked and jerked her head towards their boss.

Sui gave the question thought. "I am learning that feelings are not simple codes. They can be rather complicated. What I feel for Helena is a combination of things and I am learning that they can be expressed in different ways," the android shared.

"You got that right, sister," Claudia agreed.

"Be careful, Ms. Donovan. We have an only child policy here at Wells," Sui retorted and got the joke right this time.

"Good one, Sui," Claudia commented.

Helena walked into her office, her own feelings stirring. Just because Helena's career was about initiating change, did not mean she liked it in her own life, especially when she wasn't the agent.

"Dr. Verne, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Helena said sardonically when she put Mary on speakerphone.

"Helena, I have the most fascinating news," Mary said because it was news about her work.

Helena had little or no interest in Mary's news, but it dawned on that Mary might actually be resourceful. "Do tell," the Brit said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow morning talking about my book on HG Wells," Mary said, thrilled that her story was picked up by national news.

"Bully for you," Helena said and then caught herself. "I mean, that's wonderful."

"Those documents you sent me were amazing and more than I could have ever found on my own," Mary said and Helena expression all but said, 'duh'.

"Those blueprints of the Townhouse that Helena Wells designed were fascinating!" Mary said and Helena started to listen. "Those documents alone prove that Helena was brilliant and ahead of her time!'

"Truer words never spoken," Helena said, as she pushed back in her leather chair.

"I've had colleagues in the Engineering Department at MIT look at them and they were amazed at the complexity of the designs," Mary said and Helena couldn't help but say, "MIT? Wow," as if she were impressed, but she wasn't.

Feeling encouraged to talk more, even though Helena remained blasé, Mary rambled on about how her book was going to upend everything anyone thought they knew about HG Wells. It wasn't until Mary said; "I hope you're pleased with how this is moving forward," did Helena remember she had set up conditions for this exchange. The issue was, now someone was making Irene happy and it wasn't Mary. Helena couldn't hold that against the academic.

"So, Professor, since you know so much about my family…," Helena started and Mary did the unconscionable thing and interrupted the CEO.

"There's so much more to learn about your family," Mary interjected.

"Yes," Helena said, counting that as one strike. Few people understood that because Helena didn't grow up with baseball, she rarely let anyone up at bat after one strike. Today was the exception.

"I'd like to know a little something about your family," Helena said, wondering if this was like preparing for the test, or cheating.

"Well, we are originally from…," Mary started, because her ego was in the driver's seat going down memory lane.

So Helena carjacked her.

"More currently, actually, Professor," Helena started and then realized …..she couldn't. The relationship between these two sisters was tenuous enough without using Mary as a source for information. No, she had to take the high road and go to Irene directly.

The highroad was usually never the paved road and always took longer. This is why Helena did it begrudgingly.

"Have you spoken to Irene?" Helena asked, substituting it for her real question about who the mystery man was.

"Oh yes, we spoke this morning when I asked if you would free to take my call," Mary said and that confirmed that they were in communication. Helena took this as a good sign. "I'm surprised she took my call because she was running late, something that goes against my sister's religion," Mary laughed and Helena flailed her arms wondering when the incessant call would ever end. "But she had dinner with an old friend and was in a very good mood." That caught Helena's attention.

"Really?" she asked, knowing Mary needed very little encouragement to talk.

"Oh yes, apparently he was at your company when she ran into them. After all these years, can you imagine?" Mary asked, lost in her thoughts. "I thought for sure this was the man Irene was going to marry. Well, who knows, maybe this time around," the professor laughed.

Helena found none of this humorous at all.

Helena said goodbye just as Mary was asking her if she would watch the show tomorrow morning. Helena had more pressing things to take care of.

"Has Mrs. Frederic decided to show up for work?" she bellowed into the phone when she buzzed Sandy, Irene's assistant. The woman literally jumped out of her seat and stood up.

"Nnnot yet, Ms. Wells," Sandy said, never having to say those words before.

Helena tried Pete, who said that Andrew was still waiting for Irene to emerge from her house in Queens.

"It's bloody nine bloody thirty in the morning," Helena shouted into the phone.

"Nine thirty one," Pete said nervously. "Bloody nine thirty one."

Helena wanted to dismiss the feelings, but it was almost as if she could feel Irene's unwarranted absence in the building. It was almost as if she could sense….Irene's attention was on something else.

"That's ridiculous," Helena said and one was left to wonder if she meant that about Irene…. or herself.

Smart money was on Helena thinking Irene's attention was on anything else.

The CEO took herself to Myka's office because that is where she always went when her emotions were charging at her. She need to think things out clearly and talking to Myka provided that.

"Yes, I could be available for that," Myka was telling the Vanity Fair staff on the phone when Helena marched past Millie and walked into her wife's office.

"This is ridiculous," Helena reiterated as she paced around in front of Myka's desk.

"Yes, thank you. I look forward to meeting you, too," Myka said and hung up the phone, aware that her wife was oblivious to the call.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" was Helena's first question and Myka wondered if they were really talking about the time.

"What's bothering you?" Myka asked because she knew that tone….and that pacing….and that tone. This was Helena bothered by something, but aware that it might just be …unreasonable. Maybe.

"Irene is not in yet!" Helena said, hands on her hips.

"Are you…sure?" Myka asked because that was unusual. "Maybe she's hiding from us after yesterday," Myka suggested because she still felt guilty. Helena did not.

"You mean hiding out of embarrassment after mixing us up like that?" Helena's interpreted.

"Yes, something like that," Myka said, avoiding having to rehash what she already said to her wife.

"Do you know that she did not show up last night either?" Helena complained.

"Show up – where?" Myka wondered.

"At our home. To take care of those boxes," Helena let out.

"You wanted her to come to our house …last night …to do something about the gifts?" Myka asked for clarification.

"She was supposed to do it before then, but apparently our diligent HR Director ran into an old friend yesterday….right here," Helena said. "I don't know why we let anyone who wants to come in, come in. Do we not have security for that?"

"Helena, one of Irene's friends showed up? They would have had to give Irene's name to be allowed in," Myka said of the security procedures. This was a place where secrets could be stolen. Security was not lax.

"No, he was a vendor …here to see Ms. Donovan," Helena explained and mixed Myka up even more. Until Helena got the whole story out, Myka felt, it was like trying to get the pieces of the puzzle.

"Oh, so the vendor …who was here to see Claudia, turned out to be an old friend of Irene's?" Myka asked, connecting the first pieces and feeling good.

"Not just an old friend, but apparently an old flame. She was acting …..unbecoming….according to Ms. Donovan," Helena said because that was her word for it.

"Claudia ….said…..unbecoming?" the lawyer asked, turning on her inquiry skills that Helena tested.

Helena detested when her wife became logical. "Not….exactly, but what would you call it when she was fawning all over the man?" Helena asked and Myka got a few more pieces.

"So, this old friend, who happened to run into Irene …was a man? And they were out last night?" Myka asked, trying to get the next pieces to fit.

"Yes! When she was supposed to be …figuring out what to do with the boxes," Helena felt compelled to point out. Again.

"It's not like Irene to be so ….," Myka hesitated so Helena would fill in the sentence.

"Irresponsible! I know," Helena said, completing the task.

"Oh, so Irene having dinner with an old friend, is irresponsible? We did ….sort of ….point out to her yesterday that she needed to seek outside interests," Myka gently reminded Helena and by 'we' she meant …..her wife.

"And the woman who moves at her own pace all the time, decided that would be the suggestion she jumped on?" Helena criticized.

"Well, not like she was jumping on him," Myka said, laughing at her own joke and then realized to whom she was saying that to. She cleared her throat when she saw the intent look on Helena's face.

"As long as I live, I will never understand American humor," the Brit said disgusted.

"Ms. Bering?" Millie said over the speakerphone. "Would you please tell Ms. Wells that Mrs. Frederic just entered the building?"

Myka thanked her efficient assistant who had been tracking the missing HR Director's moves since she saw the CEO storm into Myka's office.

Myka wasn't so sure that was a good idea. "Now Helena," Myka said, but Helena was already at the door.

"Let's at least think about what you're going to say?" Myka tried to say when she moved in close to her wife.

"I can't fire her for lateness," Helena said, thinking it over.

"Yeah, not for one time," her Chief Counsel said.

"These policies always seem to work in her favor," Helena harrumphed.

'Eagle on some kind of path,' Millie typed to the internal think-tank of assistants, 'Not exactly war.' Millie knew the CEO wasn't angry – she knew that look.

There wasn't a single person in the group who didn't respond back to Millie – 'My money's on Irene.'