Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious

12/10/2012.

With December well under the way and Christmas in only a few weeks time, Jade was still no where near ready to leave inpatient full time. Although she's been eating again for four months and eating three small meals a day for about one month, it's still very early days. She had a small relapse and purged around the end of November but since then she's been back on track which left Jade with a decision. Jenn and James were invited to discuss the issue this afternoon at Valewood. I was already with Jade when Jenn showed up, but her Dad never arrived.

"You have the opportunity, if you feel like you can, to spend some time at home over Christmas." Dr. Taye informed Jade. My face lit up. It would be amazing to have Jade out of here for a while, to be able to hang out with her again, go on dates, spend time together not being constantly watched through security cameras.

"It's entirely up to you." Dr. Taye affirmed. Jade looked conflicted and slightly terrified.

"I would but.." Jade trailed off.

"Are you worried you'll relapse if you go out?" Jenn asked suspiciously

"No." Jade shook her head. "Well.. a little, but that's not the reason."

"Then what's holding you back?" Dr. Taye asked interestedly. I didn't say anything but I listened, very interested too. I honestly thought she'd jump at the chance to get out of here because she had told me on numerous occasions that she was bored out of her mind.

"Wheres my Dad?" Jade sighed looking mostly at Jenn.

"He's.. busy." Jenn replied sympathetically.

"Then no." Jade shook her head. "I can't do it alone yet. He's never here. He's not here now. He won't be there for me if I go home for Christmas." I sighed disappointed. If I was being honest, she was right. Without someone watching over most of the time at least, then the temptation and likelihood of her relapsing and purging or just not eating at all was too high. Her Father visited at the most twice a month and was the least active person in Jade's recovery. He wasn't a bad man, he just didn't understand.

"Jade sweetie. Don't be silly you can stay with me." Jenn insisted.

"Really?"

"Of course you can! As long as you don't mind living with Beck and Mark."

"No I don't mind" Jade said quietly, allowing herself a small smile.

"So you're going to spend Christmas with your aunt." Dr. Taye confirmed. "In that case we'll start you on some extra therapy sessions to prepare you for the holiday. You get up to two weeks but if you don't stick to the diet plan or you find yourself purging to cope then I want you to be honest and readmit yourself ok?"

Jade nodded in agreement before glancing at me excited. I smiled back so happy she'd agreed to do this. I knew she more than likely had some fears and reservations about being out when she was definitely still struggling but I was going to be there for her to support her the entire time, and so was Jenn, and so was Beck. It's going to be great.

12/20/2012.

Jade is officially out of Valewood.. temporarily. It's so exciting. I went over to Beck's house this afternoon and Jenn answered the door showing me inside. Jade was sat in the kitchen with Beck and the two of them were just finishing lunch.

"Hey." Jade smiled when she saw me.

"What's it like being on the other side?" I bent down, kissing her on the cheek.

"Weird." Jade replied, as I took a seat next to her. Beck and I talked for a little while about college and our plans for Christmas. We're going to meet up with Andre, Cat and Robbie in a couple of days to exchange Christmas presents. We're also going to go watch Hollywood Arts Christmas play, have movie days, beach days and make the most of every minute we have Jade full time. Obviously we're going to have to be careful not to overwhelm her. She's still underweight and it was less than half a year ago that she had the cardiac arrest not to mention she's basically been locked up for seven months.

"I'm done." Jade said picking her plate up "Where can I?" Jade nodded to the food left on her plate.

"Just throw it in the food recycling bin next to the sink." Beck told her casually. Jade stood up and went to throw the left overs into to bin. There was probably a little more left than usual but I put that down to nerves. She put her plate in the dishwasher and came back over to the island.

"Right I'm going to go meet up with Andre to play xbox. See you guys later." Beck smiled and left the kitchen. We both said goodbye and then I turned back to Jade.

"How are you really doing?" I asked softly.

"I'm freaking out Tor.. this was too soon." Jade shook her head looking terrified. I squeezed hold of her hand.

"Hey.. It's only the first day, you're bound to be nervous." I assured her. "Are you feeling urges?"

"No not really." Jade shook her head.

"It's okay. You're going to be fine. And if it gets too hard, then you can go back to Valewood early. But give yourself a chance ok?" I suggested

"Ok." Jade nodded. I smiled giving her a cuddle and felt her relax against me. We stayed there for another five minutes, me just silently stroking her back and hair. I realised we're definitely going to have to treat this situation very delicately. It hadn't been more than three hours and she was already scared.

"So it's only 2pm. Do you want to go to Jetbrew or stay here?"

"Umm.. stay here." Jade decided. "In fact could we go for a lie down? I'm kind of tired."

"Yeah of course we can." I said softly, albeit slightly concerned. She took my hand and led me upstairs to the spare room where Jenn had made up her bed and a suitcase of her things was sat in the corner. The room was cream and red in colour and felt extremely warm and cosy. Jenn had obviously gone to an effort to make it nice for Jade and there was a tv and a selection of dvds, mostly of the horror genre that Jenn had picked out for her.

"Is that an en suite?" I asked, pointing at the door in the corner. Jade nodded.

"Jenn locked it." Jade informed me reassuringly. She kicked her shoes off and lay down in the middle of the bed seeming exhausted. I lay down next to her feeling more worried about her by the minute.

"Hey." I kissed her cheek and stroked her arm. "Are you just tired?"

"Uh huh." Jade nodded, closing her eyes and curling up to her pillow."I just need a little sleep."

"Ok." I whispered. "Do you want me to stay or would you rather I left you alone?"

"Stay." Jade yawned, snuggling closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her as she drifted off and lay there holding her for a couple of hours. Jenn popped her head around the door and asked if she was alright.

"I think so." I smiled back. When Jade woke up we watched tv downstairs with Jenn for a while before I had to go. I hugged Jade goodbye and reassured her that she would be fine. She smiled nervously and I hugged her all over again. I guess it's going to take a while before she feels normal about being out of Valewood and with food so accessible. Jenn's controlling her meal plan but Jade's allowed control over her snacks. Obviously Jenn's keeping an eye out that she doesn't start binging, but the rest is her decision. I think she'll be ok. She just needs a couple of days.

12/23/2012.

Like I suspected, Jade really did only need a couple of days. She confessed to me that on Thursday night she sat down with Jenn and told her she wanted to go back to Valewood, that she couldn't do this. Jenn had talked her down and helped her through the evening, even sitting with her for five hours whilst she struggled to eat anything for dinner.

They even went as far as to make arrangements to take her back if she was still finding it this hard by the next evening. But when she woke up in the morning everything seemed a lot less daunting. Jenn took Jade to Olivia's grave because she'd missed her Mom's birthday when she'd been in hospital and then they went out for (decaf) coffees, christmas shopping and finally for manicures. By the evening when Jade sat down with Beck's family for dinner she was feeling a lot better about the situation and it only took her an hour to finish eating.

Today was such a cute day. It was the reunion of the West siblings and it was probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Beck and I went to pick up Sam and Charlie from the Nanny's and we told them we were taking them to pick up school books. They weren't exactly very pleased about it but they came along mainly because it was Beck who in their eyes is the coolest human on the planet. The look on the two boys face's when they saw their big sister stood in Beck's living room was priceless and they ran over excitedly and almost knocked her down hugging her.

"Be gentle boys." Jenn said firmly, but Jade was smiling widely just happy to see them.

"I missed you two so much!" Jade hugged the twins one under each arm.

"I missed you the most!" Sam shouted.

"No I missed Jade morer!" Charlie insisted.

"Never change you little weirdos." Jade grinned kissing them both on the cheeks. Jade sat down on the couch and both the boys sat down next to her.

"Tori said you were very sick with a disease!" Sam exclaimed. Jade glanced at me with a humorous frown. I smiled back nervously.

"Umm.. well I was. But I'm getting better now, see." Jade cuddled Sam who suddenly had a very concerned look on his face. Sam nodded and began to tell an elaborate story about his saxophone lessons. We left the three of them to catch up for a while alone whilst we went to make lunch. Jenn had already prepared vegetable soup so me and Beck just made a salad and sliced up some crusty bread. I was a little worried Jade would struggle with lunch since there were so many people, but soup was one of her safe foods and she did really well. The twins made everything lighthearted and funny so I think that added to the calmer atmosphere.

12/24/2012.

It's Christmas eve and I'm spending the day with my family and cousins. Yesterday was probably one of the best days of my life. I went out with Jade, Beck, Cat, Robbie and Andre to a Hollywood Arts to see the christmas production. It was an amazing original production and it really made me nostalgic for school. At the end we went and said hi to Sikowitz who gave us each a hug. He was another of the people pleased to see Jade out and about.

Afterwards the six of us went to Jetbrew and caught up with each other. It was so fun hearing what everyone had been up to leading their new lives in jobs and in college. Jade somehow managed to make a joke out of the slightly awkward situation that she'd been in an eating disorder center the entire time by saying she was studying food and how to not have heart attacks. Everyone chuckled and she told us seriously that she was working on writing. I smiled and squeezed her hand, and she smiled and winked at me back.

We all exchanged gifts which was really fun. Andre got me this awesome piece of recording equipment which will be amazing for making songs with and Beck got me tickets to see my favourite band. Cat and Robbie were flirting the entire time we were there and he got her such an amazing christmas gift. It was a candy making machine and a candy recipe book. Cat squealed when she saw it and promised us all that she'd make us all personalised homemade candy.

Jade got me a couple of presents this year. A heart charm for the charm bracelet she got me for valentines day this year and then this designer handbag that I had been fawning over but would never have dared buy. I was delighted and kissed her firmly. I bought her some books about writing, an emotions thesaurus, and a necklace which had a black diamond heart in the centre. She seemed to like it and asked me to put it on her. I thought it looked even prettier on her than it did in the box. It suited her.

After we said goodbye to everyone I took Jade back to mine for a while. We went upstairs to my bedroom and just sort of talked for a while. But after about fifteen minutes we started kissing and then touching and then I guess things got a lot more intimate. We were both so, so nervous but we'd been wanting this for a while. At first Jade really didn't want to take her bra off because she was terrified I'd hate her breasts because of the weight loss. I assured her I would love them and she was sexy and in the end, we just got so comfortable with each other it didn't matter. She is small, but I still think she's beautiful

When I pushed my fingers inside her she let out a tiny moan and I bent over to kiss her. I just kept kissing her, rubbing my fingers inside of her and feeling her until she came on my hand and then she did the same to me. We told each other we loved each other a lot and ended up just curled up together, our legs entangled and kissing for the rest of the evening.

When we finally got out of my bed and got dressed again, we went downstairs to make dinner and we ate together. My parents came home when we were just cleaning up the plates and they gave Jade a hug asking her about recovery. They even got her a christmas present and I was really happy they were getting along. I didn't want Jade to go but she left around 9pm so she wouldn't be too late back to Beck's.

I won't see her again until after Christmas but we've been non-stop texting since yesterday. Is it possible I love her even more after what happened? I know it shouldn't have changed anything but it did bring us closer and I honestly can't stop thinking about it. It was amazing. I love her so much.