Chapter 38: Carry On (Fun.)
"I love you." She whispered.
And then for the first time since she entered the bathroom, she brought her lips to mine.
Kissing me with everything she had.
Because now I knew, without the shadow of a doubt that I was hers.
And it gave me peace.
Quinn's POV
"Is this the twilight zone?"
"What do you mean Luce?"
"It's nothing."
I climbed into the bed and tried to forget what I just thought I saw.
Celia wrapped her arms around me and kissed the back of my neck as she spooned me.
I sighed deeply and tried to get my eyes to close again.
It was way too early to be awake.
I had just left San's less than two hours ago.
My eyes were closed and I was sinking into sleep but I couldn't quite get comfortable again.
After spending an endless amount of time rolling over and adjusting the covers, Celia had enough.
"Luce!" She groaned before straddling me and pinning my hands above my head. "Get a grip, babe. What the hell is wrong with you? What's got your panties in a bunch."
"I'm not wearing panties." I snarked.
She cocked an eyebrow and I burst out in laughter.
Nervous laughter so obnoxious that I snorted.
She was so freaking distractable.
She leaned in to kiss me but I turned my face so her lips landed on my cheek.
"Tease."
"You like it." I said as I leaned up and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth.
She growled and I bit down just enough to hear the hiss.
We made out hot and heavy until I was pretty sure she had forgotten my odd behavior.
But then just like her baby sister, a dog with a bone...she pulled back and looked at me.
"Tell me what's bothering you."
"Fuck...you're not as distractable as I thought."
"Nope...not when your kisses even feel forced."
Shit.
"Seriously? Are they different?"
Celia slid down next to me and then rested her head on her hand and looked at me.
"Absolutely...so tell me or you can forget about getting in these shorts of mine."
I rolled my eyes and then gave in.
"Fine...but if I tell you...just know that I fully plan to get in those shorts of yours." I winked and she blushed.
Being the lightest of the Lopez sisters, it was easy to see when Ceily blushed and it was the cutest thing in the world to me.
I brought a hand to rest on her cheek just to feel the warmth.
She smiled at me and I was the distracted one.
"Focus, Quinn."
Her use of my name got my attention and I finally met her eyes.
"Okay, okay...I uh...I was headed back from checking in on Beth and I could have sworn I saw Rachel running from the bathroom to Puck's room but it was from the back so I'm not one hundred percent sure."
"Huh." She grunted and then flipped onto her back. "That makes so much fucking sense." She muttered to herself as she stared up at my ceiling.
"What the heck does that mean?"
"Why hadn't I seen it?" She continued to mutter.
I was sitting up next to her as I watched her connect the imaginary dots in her head.
It was really pissing me off.
"What? What hadn't you seen? Will you fucking tell me?"'
She didn't seem to hear me so I reached over and pinched her nipple between my fingers.
She was suddenly staring me down and trying to slap my hand away.
"Stop, Luce...God that fucking hurts."
"Tell me!"
"Not until you release your death grip on my precious nipple!" She whined, poking out her lip.
"Fine...damn you and your cute expressions...and you would think that I'm the older one?"
"Hey! I am not old!"
"Whatever you say...now tell me before I die of curiosity!"
"You are not going to die."
"I will let you do whatever perverted thing you want to me if you will just fucking tell me."
She shot up and looked me straight in the eyes.
"Promise?"
"Yes. Now tell me!"
"It started after you two broke up...she was like insanely calm about it...but the first time she turned to alcohol and sex with like tons of people...right?"
"Yea...it was mutual...we had a really long talk about it."
"That doesn't matter...because people don't make those kind of changes that quick...she is too happy...even when she sees me. Yesterday she hugged me. Like with sincerity...and when she saw Ari she was just as happy. I knew she was getting laid...no one is that relaxed around two exes. Nobody!"
"Okay?"
"I know I sound crazy but then there are things like how she suddenly has this really close relationship with Beth as if they spend a lot of time together and I know for a fact that they never really did. And don't you think that it's strange that Puck left for Lima for the same amount of time that she was gone on that cruise? He told me himself that he doesn't really celebrate Hannakuh like he used to. Plus...he has a tan. Are you certain that she went on that cruise with Kurt?"
"Yes...I know that for a fact."
"Okay...but I've been to Lima and it's December...how the hell did he get a tan?"
"Okay...yea...I didn't even think about that."
"So maybe it was Rachel."
"Good for her." I said sarcastically even though I really meant it.
"Are you jealous?" Celia raised her eyebrows.
"No. This is not jealousy." I said looking at her seriously.
"Then what is it?"
"If this is true...and they aren't being honest with me...then I have a problem with it."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Deal with it."
I sprang from the bed and slipped into my pajama pants.
"Right now? It's like three in the morning."
"So the fuck what...I can't sleep knowing that two of the most important people in my life are lying to me."
I swung the door open and collided straight into Rachel knocking her to the ground.
And even after all this time, old habits still existed.
"Seriously, treasure trail!" I growled.
Immediately I slapped a hand over my mouth.
Okay, maybe I was a little jealous.
Rachel sat back on her hands and looked up at me with tears in her eyes.
All of a sudden, she wasn't the confident diva that New York had been molding her into...
Now she was Rachel Berry, gleek and reject who just got slushied.
What the heck was up with me?
I reached down to help her up but she shook her head and jumped to her feet.
"Af-after all this time and everything that we have been to one another, I cannot believe that you would say that to me, Quinn. I thought...we were passed that?"
I stood there speechless as she brought her hand up and slapped me across the face before storming off in the direction of Puck's room.
What just happened?
I turned to look at Celia and could see that she was getting dressed and facing away from me.
"Where are you going?" I said, snappier than I meant it.
She didn't speak as she slid into her heavy boots before grabbing her jacket.
She was pissed.
And I knew why but I wasn't going to let on that I understood this.
She attempted to pass me but I blocked the door and put my hands on her cheeks and bent her head until she was looking at me.
She looked at me long and hard before she took a step back, effectively out of my reach.
"You obviously are in denial about your jealousy, I came here tonight to be with you and your mind is on Rachel. I just need some space tonight. I'll see you in the morning?"
"Yea...okay."
"Good night, Luce."
She leaned over and kissed my forehead before making a quick exit.
Fucking Rachel Berry.
Ari's POV
Fucking Rachel Berry.
Why does she have to ruin my life?
Ever since I met that girl, things have never worked out for me.
I should of known better, I knew that I should of been watching her when she was in the same room as Gloria.
But I was distracted with my own pain.
And so she wrote this stupid note.
She forced Gloria to see me differently.
Even though I had made a mess of things on my own, before she did.
Rachel had made things even harder.
So now I have more to deal with.
More to talk about.
How the heck could I fix something like this?
I wish that I could turn back time.
It had really freaked me out last night when I realized just how far reaching my actions were.
Seeing Anita shocked me because I knew that I had crossed a line with her.
Was she there for payback?
Walking into Gloria's dorm room to find Anita sitting there on her bed made me run.
Literally.
I ran away like a wimp.
I just couldn't deal.
Things with Anita had gotten way out of control earlier that day, I hadn't meant to corner her the way I did.
It was wrong of me to challenge her relationship.
She is in love with Brittany.
I know that.
Things were just...too much for me.
And then to get back to the theater and have Britt tell me that if I don't prove to her that I'm serious that she is going replace me with my understudy. I just was at the end of my rope.
I danced harder than I ever had that afternoon and on top of that Brittany was unrelenting. She worked me straight until Gloria showed up and then the moment I got back she worked me even harder.
I had to keep reminding myself that this was for Mami.
Even if it felt like hell to even my body as I walked the two blocks home.
Britt looked satisfied when she saw me practically limping out of the theater.
She was anything but calm or considerate.
But she got her point across.
And she knew it.
Her love for Anita was intense and it wasn't until I saw the passion in her eyes as she told me that she would not allow me to fuck shit up in personal and professional worlds because I was delusional...I knew then that she would fight me to the death for Anita.
And that's when I realized...that I didn't want to fight.
It was also the panic in Anita's eyes as I spoke to her that morning that showed me that Anita was no longer the girl I fell for all those years before.
We weren't meant to be.
And it took Brittany getting me to a primal point, where it was just feeling the music and allowing my body to bend and twist, that I realized that there was only one girl in my life that I really would be willing to fight for.
I loved Gloria.
I didn't want to marry a woman just like her...I wanted to marry her...someday.
So Brittany was right, this shit with me and Anita had to stop.
Unfortunately...the time between that realization and actually seeing Anita and Gloria in the same place and at the same time, wasn't big enough for me to confront my issues.
So I ran.
I had known for a fact that Gloria wouldn't chase after me...
Anita though, she was a toss up...it depended what kind of mood she was in.
Apparently she was in the mood to run.
And even with drugs, alcohol, and two pregnancies under her belt, she was still fast.
I made it to my room two floors up as fast as my aching muscles could move and by that point she was on my heels, so when I opened my door, there wasn't even a chance that I could close it.
Especially since she pushed by me and slammed the door shut.
I was the only person left in my dorm with the exception of Gloria, both of us opting to stay in the dorms for the holidays, Anita knew that and was going to use it to her advantage.
I stood there breathless as she calmly locked the door and then planted herself right in front of it, making me feel just as cornered as I had made her feel earlier.
"Would you like to tell me what the fuck your problem is, Ariana?"
I was speechless...she had never talked to me like this before.
Ever.
"Uh...uh." I stood there, mouth hanging open, feeling dumbstruck.
She snapped her fingers in front of my eyes and then put on her best bitch face.
A look that I hadn't gotten since we were kids.
"You have fucking lost your mind...you took that girl's virginity...why did you do that? How far gone are you to do that to a person?"
"She told you that?"
"Do you think she had a choice? That girl is broken...you broke her." She was pointing a finger at my chest now and looking at me in disappointment. "I guess violating people runs in the family, huh?"
She could have beaten me senseless, broken all my bones, and run over me six hundred times and it still would have felt better than her even hinting at me being like my cousin.
I felt nauseous and claustrophobic as she stood her ground and looked at me like she was seeing Marco.
With disgust.
"You're right." I muttered as I peeled out of my jacket and kicked off my shoes.
Anita visibly relaxed just a bit when she realized that I wasn't going to run again.
Instead of saying anything else, she pulled the chair from my desk and sat it against the door and just watched me.
"You don't have to do that." I muttered as I shuffled to my roommates side of the room and began rummaging through her trunk.
"Do what?"
"Block me in...I don't intend on running away again."
"Oh this isn't for your benefit...I just want to make sure that Gloria doesn't try and stop me from talking to you. Because you are unhinged and don't need to be around her like this."
"Since when do you give a shit about what I do and say when it pertains to MY girlfriend?"
"Since you fucking decided to make it my problem by cornering me!"
"Britt just pushed me past my limit. I'm sorry."
"Bullshit."
I was at a loss.
When you have always seen a person snap at other people but never at you...it totally throws you when all of a sudden you are experiencing that side of them.
She had every reason to be pissed at me but I just didn't think she'd be this person...with me...ever.
Although I'm pretty sure that she didn't expect me to be how I had been in that hotel bathroom.
So now here I was after a long night of tears, I was sleeping outside Gloria's door waiting for her to wake up.
Anita had told me about the letter from Rachel and so I knew that Gloria had a lot going on with her.
I was seeing through blurry eyes as the sun brushed my cheeks, waking me up fully. I could smell the coffee through her door and with the size of my hangover that seemed like heaven.
So I pushed my sore body up from the floor and dropped my head. The sun was brighter and my head felt like it had been run over by a truck a few dozen times. On the floor beside me was an empty rum bottle that I stole from my roommate and cigar ashes.
Wow...I really had lost it.
I knocked lightly on the door but to my ears it sounded like gunshots.
"Gloria?"
The door clicked signaling that told me it was unlocked but she didn't open it.
I ran my fingers through my hair and then turned the door knob.
Fucking Rachel Berry.
"What are you doing here?"
"Shhh. Let her sleep. She's been inconsolable all night."
"You should go." I said as I watched her hovering over Gloria.
"Not until you promise that you won't hurt her again." Leave it to Rachel fucking Berry to protect my girlfriend from me. "I know that you think I have no right to be here...but she called me. Of everyone...including you drunkenly sleeping outside her door...she chose me. So maybe you should go clean yourself up...because seeing you like this will just make it worse. You smell."
"I won't hurt her."
"I don't believe you. I think you should just go shower and clear your head. Because I know you Ari and this person that you are now...is not you."
"Screw you Rachel."
"I'm here as a friend. You are hurting so bad and it's systematically destroying your relationship. So go get cleaned up and only come back if you are serious about this relationship."
I knew she was right.
Even if I hated that she and Anita had inserted themselves into my love life, I knew on a basic level that I was losing myself.
Like it or not they were my family and I knew they wanted what was best for me.
So I nodded and left the room.
At least Gloria wasn't alone.
Santana's POV
"Where are you?"
"Still in bed with Britt...what's up?"
"I've been trying to reach Ari...but she's not answering her phone."
It wasn't until then that I heard the panic in Mari's voice.
I sat up in bed, the cool air hitting my naked skin, the night before had been bliss but I knew better than to think it would last forever.
Britt held an arm around my waist and buried her face in the pillows.
They would be having a later rehearsal today before the show tomorrow, so she wanted to try and sleep.
I would have gotten up but she seemed to not want me to move as she held my waist tightly.
"It's Lydia."
"Shit! What happened?"
"She had a seizure...she doesn't...it's not looking good."
"How bad is it?"
"The neurologist is saying that she doesn't have much time left...few days maybe. Just...can you call Ari and tell her that we are at Presbyterian Hospital?"
"Yea...shit...thank you Mari."
"Just hurry okay."
I sat there feeling like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.
Britt let out a loud snort and then rolled over.
I leaned over her and brushed her hair from her face before kissing her just behind her ear.
She moaned and then pulled me closer.
"Is everything okay?" She mumbled.
"I need to go...Titi Lydia is in the hospital and Ari isn't answering...she was really drunk last night when I left her, I think I may have to go scrap her off the floor."
Britt was suddenly wide awake.
We hadn't had the chance to discuss anything after my love declarations in the shower.
I hadn't slept in almost two days and so I ended up crashing the moment I hit the bed.
Now though, it was back on her radar because I still hadn't told her where I had gone.
"That's where you were?
I didn't know what to say. I just sat there looking at her feeling stupid.
Why couldn't I just say that I wanted to check on Ari?
Losing my ability to lie to Brittany was not helping me.
"Yes...but..."
She held her hand up to stop me from talking.
"Just go to her...she has to be at the theater at two thirty. The sooner you go...the sooner she gets to work. We can talk about this later."
"Please don't be mad."
She groaned and pulled the covers over her head.
The conversation was over.
I wasn't going to push anymore because I would just end up making it worse.
I had just finished getting dressed and was doing my make-up in the bathroom when Britt walked in and proceeded to take the longest pee in the history of the world.
I looked over at her and could see that she had been crying. Her nose was red rimmed and her eyes were puffy as she looked at the wall. The exact section of wall where she blew my mind just the night before.
I felt a tremble in my bones and a quiver in my legs as I thought about what she did to me.
What the thought of her does to me.
"Stop thinking about sex when I'm mad at you." She grumbled as she went to the twin sink and washed her hands.
"I-I...huh?" I said as I looked at her in confusion.
"Ugh...can you take one of the kids with you...maybe Izzy?"
I stood there feeling nervous...I hadn't been with just Isaac since that bad day that sent my life into a tailspin.
"Are you sure?" I asked not quite able to close my jaw which was stuck open.
"He's not feeling his best and the only person that he wants is you. Maybe while you are at the hospital you can see his doctor...the lung guy?"
"The pulmanologist?"
"Yea...him."
"I can do that...yea."
"Okay...take my car since all his stuff is in there...his medical cards and his portable nebulizer are in the glove box."
"Yea okay."
"I'll go get him ready."
She gave me a fake smile and then left the bathroom looking like a zombie.
I couldn't wait until this performance was done so that Britt and I could start to fully focus on us again because Ari had set some shit in motion between me and B and I was not happy about it.
I looked back at my son as he slept in the back seat, he was still warm but his wheezing was barely noticeable.
I tried calling Ari at least six times but she didn't answer even once.
So finally I called Gloria.
"Hello, Gloria's phone."
"Rachel?"
What the fuck?
"Oh hi Santana. Good morning to you."
"What are you doing answering Gloria's phone, Rach?"
"She's finally asleep...I didn't want to disturb her unless it was urgent...so how can I help you?"
"Actually, I'm looking for Ari...have you seen her?"
"She slept outside Gloria's room, when she woke up smelling to the high heavens I sent her to take a shower. So she should be in her room."
"Okay...thanks."
"Anything else I can help you with?"
"Um...actually...do you think you could wake Gloria up for me...I need to talk to her."
"Is it important?"
"Rachel...please...please put her on the phone." I said through gritted teeth as I pulled up outside of Brittany Hall.
"Fine. Just give me a minute."
"Hurry please?" I asked as nicely as I could.
And hurry she did because just a few seconds later a groggy sounding Gloria answered.
"Santana?"
"Hey...how are you doing?"
"I've been better but I'm alive"
"Good...listen, I need you to shower and get dressed as quickly as you can because even though she hurt you, Ari really needs you and me today. Okay?"
"I was afraid you would say that."
"I am really not happy with her right now...but this is about her mom, not her."
There was a long pause and so I used the opportunity to reach back towards my son.
He was still fast asleep and I really didn't want to disturb him but I was thinking that I was going to have to go inside and get Ari myself.
"She doesn't want me to meet her mom."
"What do you mean?"
"She said that she didn't want to make her uncomfortable."
"Lydia already knows about you...just get dressed...please?"
"Okay...I'm halfway dressed now...are you here?"
"Yep...can you put Rachel back on?"
The phone shuffled again and then Rachel was back on the phone.
"Hi Santana!"
"Tone it down, Berry...look...I was going to do this myself but I have Isaac in the car and I really don't want to disturb his sleep. Can you get Ari and tell her that it's an emergency?"
"What's going on?" Rachel was on alert now.
"Her mom got admitted to the hospital...it's not looking good. Just get her down here...please?"
"I'll have both of them downstairs in about seven minutes."
"Thank you Rachel."
"You know...you're great for doing this. I'm proud of you." She whispered before hanging up.
Hearing her say that did something surprising.
It made me feel like I had just conquered a mountain.
Like I was worthy of praise.
Britt had opened me up in a new way the night before.
It was like she wiped away my ability to be completely skeptical.
I was becoming a sponge.
It was the craziest thing.
Thank God for Rachel Berry.
About four minutes later, Ari came walking out with bloodshot eyes and slicked back hair with Gloria right behind her.
I beeped the horn and she looked over to the car with furrowed brow.
Gloria though put on a smile and waved at me.
Ari opened the passenger door and helped Gloria into the front seat before shutting the door and climbing into the back.
We hadn't left off in a very good place the night before so I wasn't really surprised when she didn't take the front seat for herself.
"So what happened?" Gloria asked the moment we merged back into traffic.
"Mari called and told me that Titi Lydia had a seizure and so they rushed her to the ER. They say she doesn't have much time left."
Gloria turned in her seat and looked back at Ari.
I tried focusing on the road but the fact that I could hear sniffling behind me made me want to turn around and comfort her.
But I couldn't do that.
That was why I insisted that Gloria come along, she was Ari's girlfriend and so she should be the one comforting her.
That wasn't my place anymore.
Gloria should be her first go to person...not me.
I saw that now.
Hopefully, my proactive thinking would pay off later when I had to explain things to Britt.
When we got to the hospital, Mari met me in the lobby.
Isaac had gotten hotter and his wheezing had started back up.
"You girls go ahead up...Ana let me have him."
"No...I want Mami...no Titi...no!" Isaac whined.
Britt was right, he didn't want anyone else and so while I really wanted to go check on Titi Lydia.
I couldn't leave him.
Ari looked at me and then nodded before wrapping me in her arms.
"Thank you." She whispered before reaching over and taking Gloria's hand in hers. "You were right."
Before I could say anything she and Gloria made their way to the elevators.
I felt dumbstruck.
"Mami...I no good..." Isaac started whining again.
I didn't have time to analyze things with Ari.
"I know Papa, we are going to get you all better...okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise, Papa."
It doesn't matter how many times I have seen my son in the hospital with tubes and needles, it broke my heart every single time.
I felt a hand on my back as I cried against the side of his bed.
He was asleep again after getting medicine and another treatment.
My tears soaked the sheets as I felt his hand wrap around my pinky and ring finger.
For the rest of my life I would be plagued with the guilt of getting high while I was pregnant.
He was suffering because of me.
And one day I would have to tell him
"Do you want me to call Brittany?"
"No...I can do it."
I sat up and wiped at my face as I dug into my pocket for my phone.
Two missed messages from Britt.
R u at the hosp?-Britt
Is evrythng ok?-Britt
Can I call you?-Ana
Yes! Wats gng on? Im worried.-Britt
I didn't waste anymore time as I watched our son sleep.
Just as I was about to connect the call, Britt called me.
She was definitely anxious.
"Ana? Where are you? What's going on?" She rushed out sounding like she was running around.
"I'm...here...at the hospital. They admitted him...can you bring his Elmo?"
"They admitted him? Did they say why?"
"He is in the early stages of bronchitis."
"I'm on my way."
"Be careful, B...don't drive...take a cab."
"I'm fine."
"Please B? I can't risk losing you because you are too upset to drive."
"Fine...I'm going to drop Dani off with Quinn...I'll be there soon with Elmo...anything else?"
"His pajamas. They have him in this hospital gown and it does not look comfortable."
"Okay. See you soon."
"I love you, B."
"Love you too."
Quinn's POV
"I'm here!"
When Beth and I entered the apartment, Britt was running around like a madwoman throwing stuff in her old Cheerios duffel bag.
"Great, Dani is in the kitchen eating her Cheerios and watching Bubble Guppies. She ate, she's changed and I warmed up breakfast for you guys...with Gladys' homemade bacon things."
Britt kissed the baby, ruffled Beth's hair and then rushed towards the door.
"Call me, B...if there is news."
"Yep...bye! Thank you!"
The door slammed as I dropped my bag onto the side table by the kitchen and led Beth to a chair.
Dani was happily chomping away at her cereal and watching the tv screen.
"Hi little girl." I whispered as I knelt down next to my god-daughter.
"Dama!" She shrieked all of a sudden realizing that I was there. Her eyes lit up as I stepped to the side so she could see Beth. "Bet!"
I swear for someone who was always so crotchety, San has the happiest children in the world.
They had to have gotten that from Ian's genes and Britt's influence because that was just not one of her characteristics.
"Mom, I'm hungry."
"Okay, baby girl...breakfast coming right up."
Beth smiled and then looked back down at her book.
I had been sitting with her each night and helping her recognize and sound out words.
Noah had been helping too and so she was actually starting to read books on her own at just three.
It made me feel like a good parent to be able to help her achieve something like that at such a young age.
She would not be a dumb blonde.
I'm in the elevator, unlock the door for me.-Ceily
It's unlocked, putting girls down for a nap.-Luce
Ceily and I hadn't talked since she left in the middle of the night.
I was going to let her come to me but then when Britt called to tell me that she was coming over with Dani, I decided that instead of that, it would be much better if we came to her.
Because I really didn't want to deal with any fall out with Puck over Rachel, that and my apartment could fit inside of Britt's twice.
Sometimes I wish that I could just move in with them but I know that's pushing it.
When we were in the cab though, Beth asked about Ceily and if they would see each other so I had to let her know that and now she was coming to talk.
Dani fell right to sleep as soon as she finished her bottle but Beth was a little harder to deal with.
"But I want to see Ceily."
"After you wake up, sweetie."
"But...what if she's gone by then?"
"She won't be."
"Oh okay then."
And then just as she was about to close her eyes, who pops their head in the door but Ceily.
"Hey munchkin...still not asleep?"
Beth jumped from the bed and flew into Ceily's arms.
I pointed at the sleeping baby in the crib and they both quietly greeted each other.
"I miss you." Beth whispered.
"Well...I still have to give you your Christmas gift...so we will see each other after nap time...okay?"
Beth nodded and allowed Ceily to put her into the little bed that Britt kept in Daniela's room just for her.
I watched as Ceily kissed Beth and tucked her in tight before reaching for my hand and pulling me from the room.
"She will fall asleep...trust her."
I nodded as I watched Beth roll onto her side facing away from us and hug her fuzzy lamb tightly.
Ceily was right...I had to trust that she would fall asleep without me hovering...because lets be honest...who can fall asleep when someone is hovering over them?
It was just that after spending two years away from her, I didn't really like to miss time with her.
It also may have been that I was stalling just a bit.
I sat in Ana's favorite recliner, the only thing that has traveled through every move with her, and looked at Ceily.
She was sitting on the corner of the couch sending out a text message before looking up at me.
I was grateful for that moment of respite because it gave me the opportunity to build my defenses.
So that by the time that she was actually looking at me, I was semi ready for what she had to say.
"So did you think about what I said this morning?"
She looked up at me as she put her phone on the sofa cushion next to her.
"A whole lot actually. I think...a lot of it has to do with Rachel being my first girlfriend and Puck being the father of my child...in a way I think I feel rejected but like I told you...you are all I want and need."
"I have no doubts about that. My only concern is that if they get serious, like big Jewish wedding and all...she will be Beth's stepmother and you will have to deal with her on a regular basis, which judging from the whole bitchy attitude you had when confronted with the obvious, isn't going to be a walk in the park."
"You're right...I need to apologize to her and I need to accept whatever is going on between them."
"Do you think that you can do that?"
"I do...I have thought about things and realize that if San can forgive me for sleeping with Britt and you can forgive me for sleeping with San...then I can forgive them for being afraid to tell me about whatever they have been doing."
"That's big of you, Luce."
"Yea well...I am me so...yea."
"Speaking of being you...there was a promise you made to me last night...about how was it? Anything perverted...right?" She winked at me and I choked back a laugh.
"Um...yea...but no sex in public or anything."
"Oh no no...I have to keep up my image...since I'm an up and comer...no...but I just want to make sure that you aren't going to punk out on me."
I laughed so hard that I nearly fell out on the floor.
Ceily didn't seem to think this was as funny and so I stopped and nodded.
"Yes, you can have your way with me...however you want."
"Good...because I have a plan."
"Should I be worried?"
"Definitely."
Ari's POV
Talk about a rude awakening.
When something tragic happens right after you have an extreme moment of selfishness it has a way of knocking sense into you.
I mean, I knew that Mami was bad but I just didn't realize how bad.
When I walked hand in hand with Gloria into the room and she was laying there, eyes closed and tubes coming from everywhere it hit me.
I was going to lose her and there was nothing that anyone could do about it.
Gloria didn't release my hand as I went to stand by the head of the bed.
I leaned over and brushed my hand across Mamí's face before leaning in and kissing her forehead.
"Bendicion, Mami." I whispered before taking a step back.
My expectations were so low that I wasn't even expecting her to open her eyes but she did.
"Ariana?" She said in her naturally soft voice.
"Hi Mami."
"Dios te bendiga, mi'ja. Is this her?"
When she looked past me, I suddenly remembered that I wasn't alone.
"Mami, this is my girlfriend Gloria Carrión."
Mami reached out for her so I stepped to the side and pushed Gloria forward.
"Bendicion, Señora Soto."
I don't think I have ever heard anyone my age address my mother so formally but I knew Mami and how much she appreciated it.
"Dios to bendiga." Mami smiled as she held onto Gloria's hand.
"I am so happy to be able to meet you...if there is anything that you need, including prayers to light your way...anything, I am here."
I watched in awe as Gloria knelt down on the floor and brought Mami's hand to her lips.
Mami looked down at her and then up at me.
She had tears in her eyes as she looked back at Gloria.
"So it's true what Anita tells me." She said to Gloria as she held fast to her hand. "You were almost a nun?"
"Yes. I was almost confirmed but I decided that it wasn't the path for me. I still hold my faith close to my heart and the blessed son of God."
My childhood was heavily Catholic and so I knew for a fact that Mami was absolutely in love with Gloria. It was like she was meeting the pope.
Mami allowed Gloria to pray with and for her.
It was the first time that I was able to stand and observe Gloria in her element.
She was this pure vessel, it was almost unreal.
She was so much better than I was as a person.
And if I was less of a person, I would get hung up about being unworthy.
But really, we are all unworthy of love.
It is a blessing to receive and to give love.
God was showing me that this was the one for me.
She was the one that chosen for me and even though I had wronged her terribly, she was still here. Gloria was not only here but she was actively working to make my mother feel some peace.
And I would be forever grateful because she was giving me peace as well.
She was helping me to accept that I was going to lose my mother.
I would be left as the only surviving woman in my family.
What would be expected of me?
I placed a hand on Mami's shoulder as Gloria continued to pray in English, Spanish and Latin. The words that she spoke were beautiful and created a calm in the room.
How could I have doubted my love for this woman?
I had to make sure that I thanked Anita for this because I wouldn't have brought Gloria and now I was thanking God for her.
Anita was being a good soul mate, she was seeing my ache and my need and making sure that I was taken care of. Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that as mates, it was our job to protect each other and to save each other, even from ourselves.
After a while, Mami fell asleep.
The doctors asked us to leave so that she could rest, so we decided that we would just sit in the hallway until my dad showed up.
This was our first time alone together since the night that I had taken something so precious from her.
As we sat I looked at her and held out my hand.
She didn't even hesitate as she took my hand and brought it to her lips.
Feeling her lips on my skin felt like a pleasurable punishment.
How could someone be so forgiving?
So open to trust and love?
"Are you real?"
I was shocked by my words, it had been something going through my mind.
"Yes...very much so, Ari."
"I'm...so sorry for what I did to you and for how I've been acting."
She looked towards the wall across from us for a long time.
Her face didn't give away any of what she was feeling.
It was like the perfect poker face.
Then she closed her eyes and at first I thought she was trying to think hard about things, but then I saw her lips move and I realized that she was praying.
She, a lesbian, convent drop out was consulting God about us.
The irony never ceases with her.
And I love it so much.
I knew right then that if she forgave me, that I would spend the rest of my life doing everything that I could to preserve the peace that lived inside of her.
I loved her more than life.
She matched me.
In all the ways that mattered.
"I want to give you a pass for these past few days...and for the days to come because you are grieving...you are under a lot of pressure to get this show together in such a short amount of time. I forgive you for what you did...and I hope you understand that we won't be going there again...for a long time."
Gloria finally turned to look at me after she finished talking.
"Thank you for your forgiveness...I hope that I can live up to your expectations of me. I will wait forever for you, Gloria. I love you."
Her smile was cautious but it was a smile non the less.
I leaned in and kissed her nose and then her lips before pulling back and looking into her eyes.
There was a light in them that I had never seen before.
"Sealed with a kiss." She rolled her eyes. "I know...super cheesy."
I held my arms open and waited for her to lean against me before wrapping her up tight.
"You're perfect."
"I love you too."
"I'm sorry that I ever doubted it."
"Me too." She said honestly.
"I didn't mean to hurt you...if you blame anyone just blame me okay."
"Oh don't worry...I don't blame Santana...I only blame you."
That stung like hell but I was glad that she didn't bring Anita into this.
"Good."
"Ari?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you for apologizing."
"I screwed up...and I wasn't going to drag it out forever. Life is too short."
Santana's POV
I cradled my son in my arms and rocked him slowly as the doctor changed his IV. Isaac was being uncooperative in every way and so they asked me to hold him. The moment I had him curled against me he was still and much sweeter.
It shouldn't be me that he seeks comfort from...Britt had put in way more time and effort into taking care of him. Yet and still it was me that he wanted.
And no matter what anyone says or does, I will always feel like I don't deserve his love.
But unlike Papi, I would never turn it away.
"Mami?" My heart shattered when his scratchy voice met my ears.
I looked down at Isaac and tried my best to smile but he was in pain as he struggled to breathe and it killed me inside.
"Yes, Papa?"
I softly brushed my finger through his bush of curls and tried to maintain my composure.
"You stay with Izzy?"
His eyes were watery as he waited for a response from me.
There was nothing I wanted to do more than take him home and cuddle with him on the couch and watch Elmo, but he had to stay here and I knew that if I left him, he wouldn't sleep and he would give tithe doctors and nurses a hard time.
There was no other option.
"Sí, Papa. I will stay with you."
Isaac's face lit up as he snuggled deeper against me before falling right to sleep.
The door opened as I slowly rocked in the hard chair I was sitting in.
I had been silently praying the I could make it over to the bed so at least I could be comfortable.
I felt relief rush through me as I looked up to see Britt. She had a gentle smile on her face as she looked down at our son.
"How is he?" She whispered.
"The medicine is doing its job but he's really giving everyone a hard time. He won't let then touch him unless I'm holding him."
"Wow."
"It sucks because I really have to pee." I smiled and she immediately stepped in.
She stood still as I eased Isaac into her open arms.
He whined but then I stroked his face and kissed his forehead, realizing that I was still close by, he fell right back to sleep.
Yep I would definitely be spending the night.
When I came back from the bathroom, Britt was rocking a crying Isaac in her arms.
"I'm back." I said as I stood behind her.
"Mami...I want Mami!" He cried out.
Britt sighed and looked at me with sad eyes.
I knew that even though she didn't want to say it, that she was a little jealous of how Isaac was being.
No matter how you looked at it, this was my fault and still he wanted me over her.
"Why don't you climb up onto the bed so I can lay him next to you?"
"Good idea, B." I said and then turned and climbed up on the bed, laying on my side.
Britt laid him down on the bed so that he was laying against me and then went to the duffel bag and grabbed his Elmo.
The moment that she put it next to him, he turned his back to me and held his Elmo close.
I thought maybe I would be able to get up then but then he reached back and put his hand on my stomach.
"Mami, stay?" He said with his eyes closed.
I sighed and brushed his hair back.
"Yes, Papa, Mami's staying."
"Good." He whispered before drifting off to sleep again.
Once we were sure that Isaac was asleep, Britt came around and slipped off my shoes before covering us both with a blanket.
I smiled at her as I adjusted the pillow under Isaac.
I was leaning on my elbow looking over at her as she eased down into the rocking chair.
She looked like she was in pain.
"You okay, B?"
"Yea...I slipped on a patch of ice on my way in...I'm okay though."
"Are you sure? Damariz is here...I can page her?"
"No...I'm good...I would much rather you and I talked...I think...we really need to, don't you?"
"Yea, B. We can talk."
"Good, because I thought we really made progress last night and then this morning things kind of weren't so clear to me anymore."
"Clear?"
"First...tell me what happened when she went to see you yesterday morning instead of going out onto the stage?"
"B...lets put that behind us."
"No...because you sounded scared when I called...and I need to know that it wasn't me...even though I really don't want it to be her that made you feel that way, I need to be clear on things. So please...tell me?"
I nodded my head and then softly cleared my throat.
"She cornered me in the bathroom and held me against the wall."
I watched Britt's face twist up in anger, which was exactly why didn't want to tell her about this because I had already dealt with it.
"Did she hurt you?"
"No...she didn't hurt me, she wasn't even really rough with me. It had literally just happened a split second before you called. We didn't kiss or anything...you scared her into backing off. I didn't see her again until I went to see Gloria later that night, I was trying to handle things. Ari was waging war against you and I really didn't want to deal with that so I figured if I went to Gloria to tell her to fight for Ari...it would fix things but then I found out that Ari basically forced herself on Gloria and took her virginity and my motives changed."
"So you left Gloria and went to Ari's room?"
"Yes."
"Alone...just the two of you?"
"Yes."
"Did anything happen?"
"Yes...well almost."
Britt's face dropped. I watched as she scooted closer to the bed and rested her elbows on it.
"Almost?"
I sighed and nodded my head.
"Ari decided that she was going to start drinking and I asked her to stop but she did it anyway...she told me that if I didn't like it that I could leave. I was going to but then she told me that she was still going to fight for me and so I told her that I wasn't leaving until we talked it through. She needed to see that she is seeking out my comfort...and nothing more."
"You should have left."
"I know...and I wish that I had because in the next moment she was coming at me and kissing me. Like intense, shove your tongue in my mouth kind of kissing. I kissed her back...like for a split second but then pulled back and slapped her. I swear that's all that happened."
Britt nodded her head and then looked down at our sleeping son.
She leaned over and kissed his face before leaning up and capturing my lips.
I absorbed her kiss and allowed it to wash me clean.
She pulled back after nipping at my bottom lip.
"Mine." She whispered before pulling back and looking into my eyes.
I nodded.
"Yours."
She sat back in the chair and closed her eyes.
But I waited...because I knew what she was going to ask next but I didn't want to bring it up.
"You were smoking last night." She said as she opened her eyes and looked at me.
It wasn't a question but I nodded anyway.
"Yes...I had a cigar but that was after I left Ari. She was getting more and more drunk and after I compared her to Marco she was inconsolable. I took the bottle away from her and made her get in bed. She pulled me down against her and tried to straddle me, but I rolled off of her and told her that I was leaving. She cursed at me...I cursed back, we argued about you and how I really just want you and then I left but not before grabbing a cigar from her roommates dresser. I smoked all the whole walk home...I didn't think that you would be able to smell it so strong since I was walking and the wind was blowing."
"Are you going to start smoking again?"
"No...I...it was a lapse in judgment and seeing Isaac laying here now...lungs not working and then remembering how it was for me when I was pregnant...no. I'm sorry."
"If it happens again...just stay away from him until that smell is off of you. Please?"
"Okay...but I won't."
She held up her hand and looked at me with a placating expression.
"Just...do me that favor?"
"Okay, B."
"And I think that maybe...limiting yourself around Ari would be best for everyone right now."
"I think that you're right, B."
"Good, I'm glad that you agree."
That afternoon, before Britt left to head for the theater, she kissed me over a dozen times and told me that there were going to be more talks in the near future and that as soon as we could that we would be going back to the N.A. meetings.
I agreed that I was seriously in need of those and she smiled.
She admitted that a part of her thought that I would be going back to my old ways. She told me just how proud me she was and that she really wanted us to start planning our future once the new year came around.
Our lives were about to get hectic because I was starting school in two weeks and her show opened in one week and on top of that Daniela's first birthday was coming up really soon.
We had so much to do and not much time to do it.
But what I was realizing was that together we could accomplish anything.
No matter what happened in our past, as long as we were committed to this family...our family, that we could make it through the rough times.
I needed to start building a healthier relationship with Ari based on friendship.
And Britt needed to keep working on her trust.
Because there were a million little things that I noticed about the way she was watching me.
I loved her.
She loved me.
And that really was all that mattered.
A/N: This is my version of a filler chapter! LOL. I hope you enjoyed it. The show is in the next chapter! Thanks for sticking with me! Love you guys!