Hello again everyone!!
I have to make a little note and say that my email has completely screwed up and I can't receive your reviews by email...I also can't see that I have added a new chapter but I DID add a chapter yesterday and I will add another one today so just to let you all know...It looks like all the reviewers for last chapter got their emails which is GOOD...It seems like it is just me who is receiving problems !
So HUGE thanks to...'Shin Maxwell, mulf, cullengirl08, Miss. Ally Lautner, shedemon01, kallamigk and laceycrazy 08 for reviewing LAST chapter.
I ALSO MUST thank...'GethrenNZ' – THANK you for letting me know that Alice's type of death CAN happen...I was hoping that there was a possibility that someone can die under those same circumstances which of course are absolutely TERRIBLE. I like to try and keep it fiction but a lot of the feelings and emotions in AML are REAL and they have been real to ME so thank you again for letting me know that and of course your support with AML
Also...'Raven Jadewolfe' – I COMPLETLEY understand why you would cheer Rose on...No need to apologise...I LOVED writing an angry Rose it was uplifting to not write sadness or happiness for a change so if you want to back Rose up...You GO girl!
I do NOT own Twilight...I make it my OWN in AML.
This chapter will be mostly BELLA'S P.O.V but there will be others in here too.
*~Bella~*
(A week later)
Dearest Alice
You might have wondered that I never made it to your funeral, if you happen to be looking down on me right now I know that you will not be impressed with me...I am not impressed with myself. I hoped that everyone would understand why I had to go away and escape all of this even if it was for a short amount of time...I feel so awful about it all and I know that I deserve what I am getting now...Edward is in the hospital after what I did to him, Rose will not talk to me anymore after what I did to EVERYONE...I reckon mum and dad won't talk to me either when they find out I have come back (that is if they haven't done already)
I really need you here, Alice and its not possible...You would know what to do...You always did.
This whole thing is so incredibly hard..I want my sister here with me to tell me that everything will be okay.
You were always there, Alice...I appreciated you SO much in my life and I will never stop appreciating you, your strength, your love of life and your general sweetness that will never die in your soul..I will look after Danny and Jasper as much as I can...They both need support now and as your sister, I promise to always do that for them.
I wasn't there to say goodbye, Alice and I hope that you can forgive me..I can't have you hate me too.
I love you forever my darling sister
You will always be in my heart.
Bella
x
I trailed my fingers over the envelope which held the note I wrote last night...I had already gotten dressed for the day and I decided that I would go and see Edward..However I would walk this time..I finally knew the route to the hospital by foot...There's always a change that you take better than others. I picked up the note and went downstairs to grab my coat and walk out of the door...I was so glad that I was used to cold weather being in England...I remember thinking that Forks and England were similar when I first came here and now...It hadn't changed. I locked the door behind me and began my walk into the forest...It was nice and dry this time after my episode in the woodlands opposite Forks hospital.
As I walked the distance to the hospital...I ran my thoughts around the past week...
Edward in hospital had definitely been the lowest point of my week...I could take Rose's comments on the chin because I knew deep down inside that I deserve them...I shouldn't have slapped her like I did because it made things worse but I couldn't help it her accusations were what I feared the most...I never want to break up with Edward and I sure as hell knew that I would never get bored of him either...He had been everything to me in life, even when he had acted wrongly towards me sometimes when we first met none of that mattered anymore he was always there and it was always him it just took me a long time to figure that out and tell him that myself. Our first night together still shines in the lightest part of my breaking heart...The way he said he loved me and the way we fit together...That night will be forever stuck in my memory even if things didn't work out for us I would know that I gave away my virginity to someone who I believed truly deserved it and that is a fact that can never fade from a person's mind. I was also in slight agony about seeing Carlisle and Esme again...They had found out about Edward from Rose however they had been at the hospital when I had not been almost like we had been playing merry go rounds to try and avoid one another's company...This was not intentional on my part anyway.
I let the cool air soothe my face...I loved the cold air when it turns your nose numb if you stay in it for too long..I used to despise it in England because we all as a nation hoped for sun but even if we were lucky enough to get it...It would never be warm enough. That's the thing I picked up about Brits and it may not be true but it was purely an observation of mine when I was younger...We were never happy enough with temperature..We would never find the right heat...If we went on holidays it was too hot if we were in summer it wouldn't be hot enough and if we were having a really cold winter it would be too cold. I didn't miss that part of the country at all in all honestly...I had almost adapted to life here if you don't count my escape back to England last week.
I breathed a sigh of relief to see the hospital entrance...I had been worried that I had taken the wrong route and ended up in a stranded wood somewhere instead. I climbed the steps and gestured to the receptionist..She nodded at me but continued to speak to another woman...She must have known what us Cullens had looked like thanks to Carlisle and I was pleased I didn't have to wait in line. Memories came flooding back to me when I approached the double doors leading to 'Oak Ward'
I hope for your sake, he doesn't die...This is all your fault Bella for your own sake I hope he doesn't die.
Die.
Die.
I wrapped my arms across my chest and folded them tightly when I entered the ward...It was always quiet in here..Almost too quiet for everyday comfort..I had wondered whether anyone else was actually being treated or whether the entire ward belonged to Edward. I walked down the '200' number mark and down the corridor...I had named it 'death row' in my mind because it was so eary and unpleasant....Not to mention the walls and carpet dark to emphasise the atmosphere a lot more. I stood outside Edward's room and took a deep breath before walking in...Edward had been involved in his accident a week ago and I was always feeling apprehensive about seeing him..Scared of his reaction, maybe....I didn't know.
I closed the door behind me and looked at Edward..His bruise had faded slightly now and it wasn't so obvious over his eye area..I sat in my usual seat and kept my hand away from his..I didn't think that he would want me touching him after I had gone so long not wanting him to touch me. I waited letting the familiar beeping noise comfort me.
I would usually stay here until the visiting hours finished...I couldn't bring myself to leave him even though I had already induced him to drink..I didn't blame him for doing that I probably would have gone down the same road or somewhere even less pleasant if I had stayed at home and not have the heart to heart with Emmett. I didn't look at the clock but my thought of wondering how long I had sat here when I looked up at Edward and saw his eyes flutter open...I wanted to stand up from my seat and lean over him but I couldn't feel my legs...I pushed my hand closer to his but still never made contact.
"Mom?" Edward muttered quietly and I felt my heart breaking for him...It should have been Esme here instead of me when he woke up...Why did I have to come here this morning? He looked over at me slowly and fluttered his eyes a little more...His expression was hard to read so I continued to sit there helplessly...Once his eyes were opened fully I smiled a little at him.
"Hi" I whispered quietly to him...his forehead creased as his eyebrows burrowed together...I lightly put my palm on the top of his hand not wanting to cause him anymore pain. "How are you feeling?" I whispered to him afterwards...God I couldn't think of anything to say...I didn't know what to do.
"What are you doing here?" he whispered to me...If this was the best cue to go then it would be right now.
"I wanted to see you" I answered honestly in reply...I heard the door open behind me but I didn't look around...I kept my gaze on Edward.
"You know what, Bella you are so good at fucking off...Why don't you do it now...I don't want you here!" Edward choked out moving his hand forcefully out from underneath mine and tilting his head away from me. The pain from my lower stomach soared through me then and I swallowed the constriction in my throat...My eyes filled up and I nodded at him apologetically...It was inevitable that this would happen but I didn't blame Edward for wanting to see me...I found the strength in my legs and stood up turning away from him to find Carlisle staring back at me. I bit down on my lip and walked past him...He didn't look angry but I couldn't speak to him..I was too ashamed of myself.
I wiped away my tears as they had fallen from my eyes walking down the corridor back to the ward entrance...I breathed in and out slowly getting over the shock existing in my body...I shouldn't have been shocked...I should have been prepared for this.
I got to the main entrance and buckled slightly when I saw Tess walking through the sliding doors...He gaze fell on me and a sob uncontrollably escaped my body as I ran to her...I threw my arms around her and buried my head into her shoulder.
"Bella...Beautiful...It is okay honey" she soothed rubbing my back comfortingly...I let the sobs go but kept a lid on my volume because I knew I was receiving stares from the people in the waiting room if I wasn't even looking at them. I took my head away from her shoulders.
"What are you doing here? I am not upset by it" I choked out...Great now I wasn't even making sense...Tess put a hand on one of my cheeks.
"It is my day off...I wasn't able to get any days off before now...I heard about Alice and I came here to see whether you were here I tried the house but there was no answer" she answered.
"Oh, Tess...I have done something so bad" I squeaked feeling the tears come through my eyes again.
"Why honey?" she soothed a hand still on my cheek.
"I will explain everything later...Could you do me a favour?" I asked.
"Of course!"
"Will you take me to the graveyard...I haven't seen Alice yet" I choked
"Yes" Tess said putting her arm around me and leading me out the doors...I leant into her and rested my head on her chest...I was so pleased to see her even though the whole thing had been totally unexpected.
We were silent in the car...I was more concerned about seeing Alice than having to explain my actions to Tess...However I knew that she was the one person who would listen to what I had to say and then tell me what she thought about it afterwards...It really was a comfort having her here.
Tess parked her car outside the church...I saw the little wooden gate leading into the cemetery..I climbed out of the car and looked at the graves that I could see from where I was...There was SO many of them and I felt saddened about how many people had died and got buried here and I imagined that over half of them didn't deserve the fate they were dealt..Maybe even more than that but the thought of trying to work it all out in my head wasn't appealing.
Tess grasped my hand tightly...I turned to look at her.
"I have no idea where she is.." I started but Tess put her hand up to stop me.
"I know where she is...I came here one night because I couldn't make it to the funeral. Come on" she said as she led me through the little gate...I kept my hand in hers enjoying the comfort she washed over me.
We had got to the centre of the cemetery away from the view of the car and the gate...Tess stopped causing me to stop beside her and I looked up at her..She smiled a little at me and pointed towards a wooden cross in the middle of all the graves...Tess then walked us over to the grave..I slowed my steps down feeling the sadness come over me again.
We went onto the grass area surrounding the grave and Tess let go of my hand...she put a hand on my back and pushed me forwards a little indicating for me to go first...I bit down on my lip and crouched down in front of Alice's grave when I reached it. I looked at the golden plaque bearing her name and I then took my gaze down onto the soil...There were various bunches of flowers from people that I didn't know however there was one bunch of white roses placed in the middle of the soil...I studied the full blooms and the pureness of the colour and saw a small tag hanging down just below where the plastic hugged around the stems and roots...I leant forward forcing myself to not make contact with the soil and tilted my head to look at the writing.
To our forever beautiful angel
We love you and we will miss you everyday
Look down on all of us and let us know that you are there.
All our love always
Dad, Mom, Emmett, Edward, Bella and Rosalie
I felt my heart sank when I saw that my name had been put on there...It was Carlisle's writing I only knew that much...I didn't deserve to be on that tag...I hadn't been a good family member to Alice or to the rest of the Cullens and I definitely hadn't been a girlfriend to Edward. I took my letter out of my coat pocket and placed it underneath the bouquet of flowers...I didn't want it to be blown away in the wind. I pushed myself back to rest my weight on my knees again and put my arms out limply in front of me.
"Hi Alice...I know I haven't been much of a sister and I am sorry I didn't say goodbye to you properly..." I trailed off my voice beginning to break.."I love you so much, Alice and I am so sorry....I'm sorry for not being here for you...I am sorry for not having the power to save you...I am sorry for the way I acted...I am sorry for everything" I stopped myself then and stood up and covered my mouth with my hands...I felt my a hand around my shoulders and I leant into Tess as she stood beside me.
"I am so sorry, Bella" She said as she rocked me slightly from side to side. "Come and sit down with me" she said leading me away from Alice and over to a small bench which was under a large tree..She sat down taking me with her as her arm stayed tight around my shoulder...I took my hands away from my mouth and looked down to the floor.
"Do you want to talk to me?" Tess asked and I nodded slowly.
"I behaved badly, Tess" I began to explain.
"Okay...Why?"
"Maybe I should start from the beginning-" I looked up at Tess and she nodded taking her hand away from my shoulder and placing it in her lap along with her other hand..She kept her gaze on me as I stared back down to the floor. "I was there...I called the ambulance when Alice collapsed...I don't remember much of it...It is all a blur but she had to give birth otherwise the baby wasn't going to live...I held her hand all the way through it even though it was uncomfortable for me to just stand there whilst she was in pain...The baby was delivered safely but...The doctor ordered me out of the room. I waited outside the room for ages before he came back out and said that she had died-" my voice broke at the end of my explanation and Tess grabbed my hand.
"It's okay, Bella...Take your time" Tess soothed...I took a deep breath and carried on.
"To cut out most of the story...I didn't take it well I just wanted to escape because living in the house without Alice was so unbearable...So after two weeks I packed my bag and went to England"
"Wow..That must have been hard" Tess said.
"It was...I thought I was doing the right thing...Emmett came after me he said that my family needed me and even though there WAS a part of me that wanted to stay in England...What was there for me? My old house was already sold and had new occupants and I HAD money so I could have stayed in a hotel or something but it was Carlisle's card-"
"I am glad you decided to come back, Bella...I may not be your family but I know how much you are loved by them" Tess added and I smiled a little...She had an amazing way of making someone feel better by just spouting out words that if they had come from others would be useless.
"I came back...However everyone had been affected by my decision...Edward started drinking...Rose hates me and I haven't had the chance to speak to mom and dad...We haven't been travelling in the right circles at the moment. They have every right to be angry at me"
"You're right, Bella they do...Of course they do and it's good that you acknowledge that!"
"I forced Edward to drink...He is in the hospital right now after being in a car accident"
"Good god, is he going to be alright?"
"I honestly don't know...I hope to god he does...Even if he doesn't forgive me afterwards"
"You can say if this is too much of a personal question...But are you and Edward together?"
I nodded biting down on my lip...After he had seen me in the hospital I feared we wouldn't ever have the relationship we had again...But that was something that I would have to be prepared for..It was going to be his decision whether he ends it with us or not...I would be hurt to the depths of despair but I would do whatever he wanted to do because I still loved him so much.
"I figured...You always had something special" Tess stated.
"Everyone said that...He told me how he felt about me at Christmas and luckily I was able to reciprocate them and we started going out...However I had to go back to England because my mum died and so after three months I came back and everything was going okay until this happened"
"So you lost your mum and Alice?"
"Yes"
"Bella no wonder why you wanted to escape" Tess exclaimed.
"I escaped the house because I didn't want to go back to Sandgrove, either...No offence"
"None taken, Bella...You don't need Sandgrove anymore...You just need the rest of your family back to normal again...It's not so bad"
"Edward hates me" I choked out new tears falling down my face.
"Give him time, Bella...If you care that much for one another then none of you are going to forget that and if worst comes to the worst then you can still be brother and sister"
"I have always said that to myself but now...I don't think I could ever go back to being Edward's sister...I love him too much...I am IN love with him, I do not love him the way I used to before we were going out"
"Yes I can see why that would be complicated. Do you want my honest opinion?"
"Please?"
"Neither you or your family are right or wrong...There is no right or wrong when it comes to emotions because they belong to us and everyone feels things differently. If you wanted to go back to England more than you wanted to stay then it was inevitable that you were to go back...Grief affects all of us whether we choose to acknowledge that or not...Your family do have a right to be angry, Bella and you know that...The fact that you disappeared at the time when they lost their daughter and sister is unbearable and it must have been hard on them. As for Edward, I do not condone his decision to turn to alcohol but as I work in a psychiatric hospital then I suppose I am biased when I say that sometimes our mind does things we can't control when we are upset..anger and depression are closely linked that way and it IS just tragic now that he has been in an accident"
"I never let him touch me...Hold my hand...Hold me...Nothing for the time I lived at home before going back to England"
"Can I ask why?"
"I hated myself too much...I didn't deserve his love for me after I had done nothing to help Alice"
"Whoa Bella there was nothing you could have done to stop Alice from dying...look at it this way, if we all had the power to stop death then there wouldn't be any graves here. It was unfortunate but it happens, Bella"
"I should have been able to do something!"
"No...You're human Bella, and in lack of a PHD in medicine...I am a nurse and even I can have patients who I cannot help...I have tried but I wasn't able to do anything and it breaks my heart but I remember Carlisle telling me that I worked my hardest and that is worth more than not helping anyone at all"
"So I am holding onto something that I shouldn't...Is that what you are saying?"
"In a way...You need to accept that Alice wasn't meant to live...Even the kindest souls in the world aren't destined to live their lives forever...However she lives in her baby and that is what you need to hold on...She gave him a life when hers ended, Bella"
"I haven't seen him...I should have done earlier"
"So she had a son?"
"Yes" I said with a small smile.
"That's great...What's his name?"
"Daniel...Danny for short...That is what Alice told me that was what they were going to call the baby if they had a son"
"I have a son named Daniel, too...It's a nice name..Listen, Bella do you mind if I see Alice for a minute?"
I looked up at her then "Of course" I said as she smiled and stood up letting go of my hand..I watched her take the walk to the grave and watched her kneel down in front of Alice the same way that I had done.
Tess was speaking to Alice but I couldn't hear her from where I was from...I was thankful I would probably start to cry again if I knew what she was saying...Tess was a forever friend to me and I remember knowing that she was going to be a confidante of mine when I left Sandgrove the second time round but now it was definite..She was a fantastic person if my life would ever be made whole again I hope I would be like her when I was older and had kids of my own.
As I waited my thoughts drifted towards Danny...I was eager to get back home but not to do anything by hide under the duvet as there was probably no one there anyway...I should go and see Danny he was after all my future Godson...I was determined to mend my ways and prove to Alice and to the rest of my family that I could be a normal person again...The way I once was before all of this happened to us.
Tess walked back and stood in front of me.
"I have to go back home now, Bella..Would you like me to take you home?"
"Um..No thank you...I should be getting back to the hospital. I will walk though"
"Do you know the way?"
"Yes"
"Okay well come here" she said holding out her hand I took it and stood up..Tess closed the distance between us and wrapped her arms around me...I leant my head on her shoulder and sighed in relief..I knew Tess would understand me..She had never got me wrong.
"Thank you for everything, Tess" I said into her shoulder.
"You just stay strong, Bella...Your family need you to be strong" she replied and I nodded under her hold.
Tess released me and kissed my forehead "Goodbye beautiful, Bella" she said with a light giggle.
"Bye, Tess" I said leaning into her hand for a moment before she let go of me...I watched her walk away from me and waited a good ten minutes before walking out the same way.
I got back to the hospital in quick-time...As I walked through the parking lot I saw that Carlisle's car was still here..I brushed off the thought and walked into the hospital and went straight ahead of me and up the stairs following the arrows of the premature baby unit.
*~Carlisle~*
I watched Bella go...I had only caught the end of her and my son's conversation but I didn't know whether to be angry at Edward or not...I was just glad to see that he had woken up. I sat down on the seat Bella had just left and held my son's hand...He tilted his head back and smiled.
"Hi, dad" he said.
"Hi, Edward...How are you feeling?" I replied with a smile...Edward sighed and looked up at the ceiling.
"I don't know"
"That's okay it's normal to feel confused when coming out from unconsciousness" I tried to soothe him.
"I wasn't driving dad" my son said suddenly turning his head to look at me...an alarmed expression filled his eyes and face.
"Ssh" I said gripping his hand tighter "I know you weren't...It's okay" Edward sighed in relief..I could see his emotion through his eyes...It wasn't hard to see that he was feeling confused about being here but also angry at Bella.
"What was that all about with Bella?" I asked him quietly.
"I woke up and I saw her...It's all very well her being here now but where was she when I needed her...I mean REALLY needed her? She was either in England or ignoring me when I tried to make her feel better"
"I am only asking, Edward...Don't get worked up..Please son?"
"The problem is with you is that you're too forgiving...Why aren't you mad at her after what she did?!"
"Because I know Bella better than the rest of you...I know what kind of life she's had and why she does what she does...I did treat her, Edward"
"You SHOULD be mad!" he choked out and I took a deep breath in...My son did have a point.
"I SHOULD but I'm not"
"What about Alice's funeral..She didn't even show her face she had planned on going away all along!"
"Yes..I am sure that she did. Is this really about Alice, Edward or is this about you?"
"I wanted my girlfriend and she wasn't there"
"Edward I am not siding with her...But what about the times she HAS been there for you, there have been a few and she never asked for anything back in return"
"So?"
"So maybe she needed to go...To have a reality check as it were..She has come back though that it the main thing"
"Have you even spoken to her since she came back?"
"No...I know that she will come and talk to me in her own time..She does that"
"I don't want to see her"
"Then that's your choice...But she has always been here, Edward..It's true that your mom and I haven't been here when she has but the nurses have said that she has never left you"
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"No...I am merely stating a fact"
"I was scared, dad...I was scared that I was going to lose her...Then what does she do? She leaves me"
"I know she did and I will admit that it was wrong...However I KNOW Bella"
"Yeah well, I don't think I know her well enough"
"Its okay son, you just concentrate on getting better...Would you like a drink of water?"
Edward nodded as two tears fell from his eyes...I got up and took the water jug and glass from his bedside table and poured the contents of the jug into the glass and held it up to Edward's mouth..He leaned his body up a little and drank the whole glass dry before lying back down. I put the glass back down on the table and went back round to sit on the chair.
"Where's Jacob?" Edward asked.
"He lived...However he is facing charges over drink-driving...That is all I have been able to find out"
"Oh" Edward said as he closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again.
"You scared us, son" I admitted he tilted his head back to me.
"I'm sorry, dad" he choked out his eyes filling up with more tears I stood up and kissed his forehead...I then leant my forehead on his as he sobbed quietly underneath me...I wanted to wrap my arms around him but I couldn't considering his ribs were still broken.
"I know why you drank, Edward...Just promise me next time that you will tell me what is bothering you and we will sort it out together, okay?" I whispered our heads still connected.
Edward nodded beneath me and swallowed loudly "I love you, dad"
I released my head on his and took my gaze down to rest on his own teary eyes...I put my hand on his cheek as he choked a sob under my hold.
"I never say it enough, Edward...I love you too" I said as he smiled...I let go of his face and leant my fore head on his allowing him the opportunity to release all of his emotions.
I knew my son wasn't just crying because of his accident...He was crying for Bella and Alice as well...I wanted to be there for him as much as I could through this. I missed my daughter dreadfully but I was not prepared to lose the rest of my family.
I would try my hardest to make everything right again.
*~Bella~*
I opened the door to the unit and put a jacket around myself...I heard a baby cry and it was coming from the direction of where Danny had been placed when I had been here once before...However there was no incubator there anymore...There was a trolley instead with an open top..The kind that babies were supposed to go in when they were born. I walked over to the trolley and saw that on top of the trolley held the name.
Daniel Oscar Hale
I looked down and saw that Danny had been the one crying..His eyes were full of tears the eyes that belonged to Alice...he was shaking the whole of his body around and I instantly melted...There was no sign of Jasper anywhere and I hadn't seen him on the way up here, either.
"Hey..Are you the one who is making all that noise?" I cooed trying to fight back my own tears...Danny continued to cry...I bent down and picked him up in my arms and held him close to my chest and rocked him gently to calm him down.
"Listen..I have no idea about what to say to my godson.." I started rocking him a little harder...His cries got louder and I looked around..There weren't even any nurses. What was I going to do?
Then I had a thought...When I was a baby there was one song that my mother had sung to me to make me fall asleep...I never remembered what it was until my school choir did it one year..I found out the name of it and learnt the words so that I could sing it to my own children...My mum had said it had always worked with me every time...Now it would be perfect because the title of the song was Daniel's shortened name.
I looked around the unit again before clearing my throat...Please make this work!
I looked down at Danny whose face had turned a shade of deep red because of the extent of his crying...I started to sing in my very horrible voice but I started off quietly so that I wouldn't startle him.
Oh Danny boy
The pipes the pipes are calling
From glen to glen and down the mountainside
The summer's gone
And all the flowers are dying
'Tis you tis you must go and I must bide...Danny's sobs began to subside and I smiled in relief...I took him in my arms over to the only window and looked outside at the woodland view.
But come ye back
When summer's in the meadow
Or when the valleys hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy oh Danny boy I love you so.
I looked away from the view and down at Danny whose eyes had brightened up...He looked surprised by something but he was no longer crying..I carried on in the hope that he would eventually fall asleep. I had such a beautiful godson..He was going to melt everyone's hearts just like his mother had done.
And if you come
When all the flowers are dying
If I am dead, as dead I well may be
I pray you'll find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me
And I shall hear thou soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
Then you will kneel and whisper that you love me
And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me
I shall sleep in peace until you come to me.
There was a complete silence that had fallen over the unit....I walked away from the window's bright light and turned my back on it to look down at Danny...He had fallen asleep peacefully in my arms..I smiled and kissed his forehead lightly...I let my silent tears fall. Danny was so much like Alice maybe even more so than Jasper.
"You have a good voice you know" I turned around to the side slowly so as not to wake the baby...Jasper was standing there with Esme they were both smiling at me. I bit down on my lip.
"I'm sorry..He was crying and-" I started
"Bella...It's fine...Besides I may need you to come and do that again" Jasper said with a smile...I looked down at Danny's sleeping face and back up to Jasper.
"You know he's really beautiful, Jasper" I choked out ad he shrugged.
"It seems like he has inherited Alice's beauty more than mine" he remarked as he walked towards me..Esme stayed where she was her arms folded the same small smile on her features. Jasper stood in front of me and looked down at his son.
"You're good with him" he said looking up at me...I scoffed lightly.
"I am sure we will have a bond soon" I said wearily.
"I still want you to be godmother, Bella" I smiled holding back the sobs.
"Jasper I'm sorry" I choked out.
"How about you put Danny down and come outside with us...You have sent all these babies to sleep and it would be a shame for them all to wake up now" he answered me with a smile. I turned around and bent over to put Danny gently back where he had been...pulling his blanket over him. Jasper took my hand and walked out with me..Esme followed behind.
Jasper led me out of the baby unit altogether and into a small corridor...He released my hand and stood in front of me stopping my own movements..He wrapped his arms around me.
"I can't thank you enough for being there for Alice when Danny was born, Bella" he hugged me tightly...I put my hands on his shoulders and cried into his shirt...He put a hand in my hair to soothe me. "Bella...It's okay...I am not mad at you" he soothed and I cried harder. "I know why you went away..It mustn't have been easy on you and I know you loved her, Bella" Jasper's voice was breaking now as he was probably fighting back tears of his own.
"I did...I really did, Jasper" I said into his shoulder...He pulled his arms back from around me and stroked my cheek...I leant into his hand sniffing loudly.
"I will talk about this more with you, later...I need to go and speak to a nurse...I love you, Bella" he whispered.
"I love you too" I choked out...Jasper took his hand off of my cheek and walked away behind me in the opposite direction..I could feel Esme's stare on me...I turned around to face her my eyes wet with my tears.
"Are you mad at me?" I choked out...Esme's face scrunched up as she began to cry and I looked down at the floor...Of course she's mad at you, Bella you idiot!
I looked back up at her "I am so sorry" I said biting down on my lip again. Esme walked towards me and I was prepared for another slap like Rosalie's...I deserved that.
Esme threw her arms around me fast and leant her head on my shoulder...I hesitantly put my hands on her back in case she was about to release me just as quick as she had held me.
Esme didn't..She stayed in my hold for a good five minutes before looking up at my face..Her hands still around my shoulders.
"You should have told us, Bella!" she said and I nodded.
"I know...I know I should have done." I choked out
"I don't want to lose another daughter, Bella...Please don't do that to us again" she pleaded.
"I won't...I promise you I won't" I stated in a clearer voice and Esme sighed.
"You know I miss Alice, Bella...I desperately needed to tell someone about it besides Carlisle but Rosalie wasn't the same...I wanted to talk to you, Bella...You are always so amazing to talk to"
"You can talk to me, Esme...Now I'm back you can"
"I just want my daughter back, Bella" she choked tears falling back down her face..I began crying again as well.
"I know" I said pulling her back in a tight hold "We all do" I said as I kissed her shoulder letting both her and myself cry together in the privacy of the corridor.
*~Emmett~*
I lay with Rose on her bed...Holding her firmly in my arms...The two of us had been in complete silence with only our inner thoughts to think about...Rose was in shock by all of this as well as I had been however I did not condone what she had done to Bella...I understood that she was angry but she did not have to be violent towards Bella...That was something that I had already made clear to her.
"What are we going to do about the engagement?" Rose said after a few minutes...I swear sometimes this woman could read my mind.
"We will tell my parents when Edward has recovered"
"I am not scared about telling them...I just don't want to celebrate this so soon after-" Rose broke off and I ran my hand through her hair.
"I know, babe...Don't worry about anything right now...I will always want to marry even if we ended up getting married in twenty years from now"
"I can't help but think that Alice won't be here to see me get married...I had my heart set on her and Bella being my bridesmaids"
"So now you will result in having none?"
"I don't know"
"Sweetie...Please don't be angry at Bella for too long...She has been there for you before"
"How did you know?"
"She told me"
"Of course she did" Rose said sarcastically
"Look...She never speaks ill of you, Rose...She knows she has done wrong..Does that not mean anything?"
"Of course it does...It just doesn't help that she took the approach she did"
"I agree with you...Maybe we do not know Bella as much as we thought we did...I mean the only person she has ever had a REAL heart to heart with is my parents and Edward..Even I haven't listened to her problems she has listened to mine instead"
"I know you're right...I can't help but feel angry at her"
"I know...But can you at least try and see her for what she was before life affected her? For me?"
"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you"
I pushed her away from my chest as she looked up at me. "I love you...You know" I stated
"I know..I love you too" I leant my lips to press on Rosalie's...She responded and sighed contently against my mouth..We broke away and I pulled her back down.
I didn't know then whether things between Rose and Bella would be the same again....But I would try and make them better...Alice would have wanted that.
I was never going to deny my late sister anything..Even if she was now beyond the grave.
*~Bella~*
I was sitting down cradling Esme in my arms when the double doors opened and Jasper came back into the room with Carlisle in pursuit behind him..Esme lifted her head from my chest and we both looked at the new arrivals in the corridor.
"Hi sweetheart" Esme greeted Carlisle..He leant over my lap to connect my lips with Esme's I took my arm away and stood up allowing him to take my seat. I looked at Jasper and he put his arm around me..I leant into his chest...He kissed my forehead. Carlisle and Esme were whispering about something but both Jasper and I were not looking directly at them we didn't want to spoil the moment.
"Jasper is it okay if you drive me home? I want to see Danny again" Esme asked him with a brightening look in her eyes as she mentioned her Grandson's name.
"Of course, Esme" Jasper answered...I looked up at Carlisle who was smiling at me...He stood up and held out his hand.
"Come on, Bella..Let's go home" he said with an assuring smile...I wriggled out of Jasper's hold and took Carlisle's hand.
"Thank you for doing that, Jasper...You will stay round ours again tonight won't you?" Carlisle asked Jasper and he smiled appreciatively.
"Yes..Thank you, Carlisle" He said...He took Esme's arm and lifted her up from the seat the two of them waved at us as they went back down the corridor to the unit..I looked up at Carlisle.
Carlisle leant down and kissed my head putting his hand round my shoulder in the same way as Jasper had done and led me down the stairs and outside of the hospital.
I climbed into the passenger seat of Carlisle's car...I had missed the seats and the smell of masculinity in the confined air of the car...Carlisle and I were silent again as we drove all the way home..It was now nigh time and the sky was filled with scattered stars.
Carlisle parked the car in the driveway and I unbuckled my belt and climbed out...Carlisle held my hand again as we walked up to the house...He reached for his keys with his free hand and unlocked the door leading me into the living room and closing the door behind us.
I turned to face him as he took off his coat...He held out his hand and I immediately took mine off from my shoulders he hung mine up on the same hook as his and then took a deep breath as he faced me.
"Come and talk with me, Bella" he said holding his hand out a second time..I nodded biting down on my lip and taking it.
Carlisle and I walked down to his office and went inside.
It was now or never...would I now have to explain everything to Carlisle? Will he send me back to Sandgrove? God I hoped not!
I also hoped that he would understand what I had done...I was already genuinely sorry for it...I also knew that he had stayed with Edward when he had admitted that he didn't want to see me.
I needed to know whether I was looking at losing my boyfriend forever doomed to a life being just his sister again.
My body ached again at having to wait for the answer.
It's my birthday on Friday so I will update one more time (Maybe twice if you are lucky!) and then I will not update again until next week...I have a whole weekend for my birthday..Not just ONE day .
Please R+R and tell me what you think...Your thoughts are essential to my writing.
Love to all who are still reading
.S.
X x