I clean myself up in the bathroom. That was very unexpected from Sid. I figured he would go right to sleep as soon as the movie began. His body has been through a lot the last three days and trauma, and the medication, makes you tired. Sleep is actually a good thing for him right now. The doctor said that it will speed healing if he can rest. I'm not complaining of course. I think an intense, quick orgasm went a long way to help alleviate some of my stress. When I walk back into the family room, I see that sleep has finally got him. I sit down beside his head on the L-shaped couch. I can't help but watch him sleep for a few minutes. He is so beautiful. His neck and jaw are still puffy but he had plates and screws put in so I would think there'd be some puffiness. I get myself comfortable and grab the remote. I liked Blackhawk Down but I don't really need to see it again. After flicking through the available movies, I find an older one that always makes me laugh; Parenthood. Steve Martin is always hilarious. I settle into the sofa and start the movie.

I wake up to hear Sloan chuckling. When I open my eyes I see that she's beside me watching a movie and the movie is one of my favourite comedies Parenthood. I watch it, and Sloan, for a few minutes until she looks at me and says "you're awake." I smile at her and pat the spot in front of me. She rolls her eyes, I love when she does that, and moves to lie in front of me so that we can spoon again. She takes my hand in both of hers and pulls it up under her chin. When I hear her sigh I think it's the first time I've ever heard her sound content. We both get back into the movie. At the end, when the baby is born and they show all the different babies that have been born into the family, it's my turn to sigh. "That's what I want" I hear come out of my mouth. "What?" Sloan asks me. Damn, did I say that out loud? I guess I've already said it so I need to go with it. "I want a big family with lots of kids. The team is like the family in the movie. There are always lots of kids around and for the guys who don't have kids, they become instant uncles. I can't wait until I have a bunch of kids too. The family room at games, especially the afternoon games, is crazy with chaos. There are kids everywhere. It's so much fun. Do you want a big family?" When I ask her the question, I focus back on her and away from the movie. I now notice that she's gone stiff in my arms. Shit! I've moved too fast again. Why can't I keep my mouth shut about these things? She's barely told me she loves me and I basically have told her that we should get married and have kids. I need to fix this, now. "Forget I asked. It isn't important now." I feel her relax more in my arms. Ok, good, I fixed it for now.

"It's much better to be here at home than in the hospital. They treated me really well and the morphine was great but there's nothing like being in your own bed." She kisses my hand and says "yeah, I know what you mean. It's great to have everything done for you, and, yes, the instant drugs are fabulous, but you never feel like you have privacy or are alone." Double shit! I'm going on about being in the hospital and I forgot that she was in one for a long time too. Trying to change the mood, I say "and, of course, the gowns are delightful with your ass flapping in the breeze." She's chuckles as I hoped she would. "Are you hungry?" she asks me. I think about it and I am. "Yeah" I reply. She turns in my arms so that we are facing each other. I stare into her eyes as her fingers trace each plane of my face. She kisses my brow, the tip of my nose and then, carefully, my lips. She leans her brow to mine and says "ok, let me see what I can whip up for dinner."

She gets up and leaves the room. I stretch and shift my jaw a bit. It hurts like a bitch. My stomach grumbles so I follow Sloan into the kitchen. She has a glass of water and two more pills for me. I don't want to take them but she's right that I need to heal as quick as possible and that won't happen if I'm always in pain. After taking the pills, I watch her cutting up fruit. It looks like mango and papaya and then she puts it in the blender. She adds yogurt, ice and a scoop of vanilla protein powder. The blender whirls for a bit and then she pours it into a tall glass. "What, no straw?" She chuckles at me and replies "you're not allowed to use a straw. You'll use too many muscles in your jaw." I know that but I love teasing her. She goes to the fridge and takes out a salad she must have made for herself earlier. "Is it rude for me to eat in front of you?" she asks. "No, we're having dinner together. I just happen to be drinking mine." She sits down beside me and eats as I continue to drink. I know the circumstances suck but it's nice having Sloan here with me. It's like we're living together. Of course, if we we're then Sloan would be working. We'd both be working for the Pens, traveling together and just together a lot. I can't help but smile at that thought. "What are you smiling at Sidney?" I look over at her and say part of the truth. "I like having you here, like this, with me." She smiles back and that dimple winks at me. "That dimple is so fucking sexy" I tell her and, oh my fucking God, she's actually blushing. "Are you blushing babe?" That makes her blush even deeper; so fucking sexy. I finish my drink and she finishes her salad then we clean up the kitchen together.

"You are asleep on your feet Sid. Let's go up to bed." It demonstrates how exhausted I am because I don't even argue. When we're upstairs, I strip down to my shorts and climb into bed. Sloan disappears into the bathroom for a little while. When she comes back out, she's in my tee shirt with her hair down. I sit up in bed with pillows behind me and hold my arm out. Sloan smiles and slips under my arm. It feels so good to lay here with Sloan in my arms. I turn on Roots to watch the game. It's pre-game now and there's a lot of film and talking heads. They show the guys warming up and I feel an ache in my heart wanting to be on the ice with them. It feels eerily familiar and I feel like it's hard to breathe. I feel Sloan's hand on my neck and she turns me to look at her. When I look into her eyes she says "you'll be there soon Sid. This isn't last year and you don't have a concussion. It's only for a matter of weeks while you heal." How did she know? "Ok, thanks" I tell her and settle her back beside me. We continue to watch but I'm distracted by the incredible woman beside me. I feel her fingers lightly tracing over my chest. It's completely distracting me away from the pre-game. Her fingers slide lower and trace over my stomach. I shiver involuntarily. She always manages to illicit that kind of response from me. Just a small touch from her and my body responds instantly. I take her hand and slide it lower but she stops me. "Sid, you can't. The doctor said that you aren't cleared to increase your heart rate too high. Blood pumps the hardest in your head, outside of your heart of course, so you can't have an orgasm. It's bad for the incisions." I didn't realize that meant sex too. Shit. When I had my concussion I wasn't seeing anyone so there was no need to talk about sex. Double shit. "Ok, but you really owe me when I'm cleared for 'exercise'."

Sid fell asleep before the game even started. I thought about waking him up but he really needs his sleep so I set the game to record. At the end of the first period, I'm glad that Sid is asleep. Buffalo is up 2-1. Flower looks very shaky in goal but we'll see what happens in the second. The second period is only two minutes old and Buffalo scores. Just over a minute later, they score again. Yep, Marc-Andre was definitely not having a good night. I feel Sid stir beside me and see that he is waking up. I guess he hears the game and asks "how much did I miss?" I hate to tell him "it's 4-1 Buffalo and Dan just pull Flower and put in Vokoun." "Fuck! Why didn't you wake me the fuck up?! If I'm not playing I always watch the game; always! I'm the fucking captain. I should be there." He goes on for a little while longer and I can tell that his jaw is killing him from using it so much to yell at me, the screen and life in general. I guess this is what a grown man looks like when he has a hissy-fit from frustration. When he's worn himself out, he sits back against the pillows and pouts. Holy shit, he's actually pouting; a grown ass man pouting. Well, he can pout all he wants but he will not yell at me. "Are you done?" I ask him in a soft voice. He doesn't respond, instead he continues to stare at the TV while Derrick goes off for roughing. "Good, then you can just listen. I understand how difficult this is for you. You are in extreme pain, don't know how long you're out for and you're watching your team losing. This is incredibly stressful; BUT, YOU. WILL. NOT. YELL. AT. ME. This is not something that I've done to you. In fact, I'm the one who left my responsibilities to play nurse-maid to you and at great risk to my reputation, by the way! Do you have any idea what my father would say or do if he knew that I was with you? Do you have any idea the shit storm that would come my way? Not to mention how much the media would feed on this; Crosby and the bosses daughter. I know you're in pain. I know that you are frustrated. I'll listen to you complain, lament and go on in any kind of whiny way; but, I will not have you yelling at me for something I didn't even do!"

I'm shaking now so I leave the bedroom and go downstairs to the kitchen. I'm pissed off, not scared, but it kills me that any kind of conflict with a man still makes me shaky. I hate that but I don't know that it will ever stop. At least I don't run and hide anymore. I get myself a glass of wine and settle in the family room with the game on. As I watch the game, and drink my wine, I monitor the different Penguins' tweets. Even though we are losing, badly, they continue to do play by play on the game. It is hard on them to be upbeat but they manage and, actually, do it very well. "Can I join you?" I hear Sid say. "Yes" I respond. I may be pissed off but I'm not a child; no silent treatment from me. Sid sits on the sofa next to me but doesn't touch me. "I'm sorry Sloan. You were completely right. I am frustrated and angry but should never have yelled at you. Actually I wasn't even yelling at you. You were handy so I unleashed in your direction. I'm sorry." He may pout like a child but he apologizes like a man. Before I can say anything, Sid says "are your hands shaking?" I look down at my Blackberry in my hands and they are still shaking. "It's nothing" I tell him. "Thank you for the" "Why are your hands shaking?" Sid says in a very low and measured tone. I can tell that he already knows the answer. I take a deep breath. "It's not your fault Sidney. It happens sometimes and it's a reaction. It isn't about you." I turn to him but he stands up and walks to the other side of the room. "I scared you. I made you shake." Oh God, the sadness in his voice makes me want to cry. I told him, it feels like a millennium ago, that I don't think of anyone else but him and now I've confused that; confused him. He looks horrified. I need to fix this so I go to him quickly. Taking his face in my hands, I tell him "Sidney, it happens. It's not because of what you said or what you did. I'm being honest when I said that it isn't about you. There used to be a time when I would have completely fled in that situation. Actually, sometimes I still do; but, because I love you, because you love me, I wasn't scared. I was pissed off and told you so. I could do that because of who you are and who you are to me. The reaction is just that, a reaction, and I can't control it. Please know that it's not about you." He still looks doubtful so I start kissing him. I avoid his mouth of course but I pepper his cheeks, neck and every piece of skin I can find with kisses. I feel better when his arms come around me and he holds me tight to him. I cling to him too. "If I ever met that man who" he pauses now "I would gladly kill him."

I stroke the nape of his neck. He is so tight right now; it's like every muscle of his body is on alert. I pull back and lightly kiss his lips. "You know, I'm going to be much happier when I don't have to be careful kissing you" I tell him. I get the smile I was looking for so I continue. "I'm also looking forward to that other thing too." It takes him a moment but then he remembers our earlier conversation when he realized he couldn't go down on me for a while. He becomes serious again and asks "I need you to be honest with me Sloan. Is there anything I do that reminds you of him?" Oh, this poor, poor man. Is he still worried about this? I look into his eyes and see that he is still worried. "Sidney, at no time that we have been together have you made me think of anyone but you; honest." His eyes search mine for a few seconds and then he must see the truth there and kisses me, a little more firmly than he should, but he doesn't break contact. When we part, I say "the third period is starting. "Let's go up and watch it in bed. You can take a couple pills and hopefully get a good night's sleep." He nods and we head to the bedroom arm in arm.

When we're back in bed, we watch the third period and there are no goals. The Pens lose 4-1 to Buffalo and at Consol too. The guys are on to New York tonight. Sid will miss the road trip and I know he's thinking about it. Sometimes injured guys travel with the team but the doctor wants Sid to rest. He'll see Sid in a few days and judge if he can begin light exercise. Even if Sid can't go on the ice, if he can work out then he can keep his wind and his strength up. Infection and losing weight are going to be the things to watch out for over the next week. The calorie thing is hard because we need to get him enough calories so that he doesn't lose muscle mass. If he's going to play in the playoffs then he needs to maintain his physical condition. I chuckle at myself; I didn't know any of this three months ago and now I know the diet of one of the best athletes in the world. I'm exhausted so I lie down on my side of the bed and pull the covers up. Sid shuts off the TV and the light then lies down too. "Sloan?" he says into the dark. "Yes" I reply. "I am very grateful for you and everything you're doing for me. I love you." I sigh, I love hearing him say he loves me. "I love you too." Those are the last words we speak as we fall asleep. My heart sleeps very full.