So I'm actually equally scared and delighted to be back here, finally.

I apologise profusely to everyone for the gap; the dry spell has, thankfully, gone away now and I fully intend to get right back in here and get this story finished :) For anyone who has given up on this story, it's alright, I understand; it can be awful trying to get back into something after a prolonged break. Enjoy whatever you're reading anyway!

For those of you who will continue to read, I don't think I can convey my gratitude enough. I love you. Completely.

I encourage old readers to go back and read a few chapters so you get your bearings. I could do a summary but it would end up being a length of a novel itself. The important factors contributing to this update are: Edward and Bella had a fight Friday night when they were out on a date and bumped into a girl called Emily who Edward used to date . . . This is now Sunday, and they have just left Edward's grandfather's funeral where Bella met up with him.

Sorry, it's short, but it's the promise of lots more.

SM OWNS ALL CHARACTERS. THE TRUTH HURTS.

38. Moving On to Take a New Step

Edward offered to take me out, but I turned it down. I didn't want to go somewhere public; as nice as some warm food would be right now, it wasn't what I wanted the most. What I sought was comfort, and although food was a promising way to get there, it probably wasn't the best option.

Besides, the thought of being somewhere crowded had me feeling like I wanted to curl in on myself. I wanted to be surrounded by stillness, and warmth. What I really wanted was some sort of calming, physical contact, but I realised if I was going to be lucky enough to get it, I had to barrel on through this upcoming conversation. I had to grow up. It was immaturity in the first place that led this small tiff to erupt in the first place.

It had ended up being a tossup between his place and mine. Both would be empty, so the decision was based on convenience and the fact that Edward's place was closer. The drive wasn't at all silent, but it wasn't filled with passionate debate, either. I kept my hands tucked together tightly in my lap, hopefully the only thing that gave away my nerves, and noted that Edward's jaw was a little tighter than normal when he talked, too.

Still, this was good. Miles better than the last twenty-four hours had been. I was certain the last traces of hesitance and apprehension would be dissolved completely before too long, diluting the murky waters of uncertainty with a shared understanding. And I wanted to understand. I wanted to understand everything about him, as much as I could.

"Um, where do you want to sit?" Edward asked once we'd arrived and entered the house. I was becoming used to its ostentatious mass, adjusted to its boastful classiness. Habituation occurred once the knowledge that it was merely a front, and a material one at that, was gained, and I was fairly sure I'd reached that point. When I looked around, all I noticed now was little pieces of Edward. Even the connections to Emmett only served to disclose more information about this person I was infatuated with.

I looked towards him now, as he stood by the back of the couch in the main living room, looking uncharacteristically awkward. It was strange; almost like we were beginning to rub off on each other, or at least channel the other one's emotions. Decidedly thankful that he hadn't taken us to his bedroom—I had enough to deal with as it was already without the distraction of that thrown into the mix—I happily shrugged my shoulders in an over-exaggerated movement and smiled up at him.

He gave a small smile back and shrugged, too, echoing my movements. "Sit wherever then. Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, and then made the first move, wanting to come off relaxed and casual because he certainly wasn't. I sat on the large, three-seater beige couch, noting with a hint of a smile the cushions thrown off it onto the floor. Esme was definitely the one behind the decor in here; only she would have thought of pillows.

I slid my feet out of my shoes and tucked my feet, covered by tights, underneath me as I got comfortable. Edward waited a moment more, and then came to me, sitting on the couch with me, turning his body so he was facing me. There was a good foot of space between us. I liked the way he sat down, sprawling his long body in a sloppy yet graceful way into a position that looked a lot more natural than mine.

"So . . ." I said, hands in my lap yet again. I hesitated upon laughing, because the urge was definitely there; this whole situation was backwards for us.

Edward caught the look in my eyes and let out a quiet chuckle of his own. "So," he agreed.

I sat up a bit straighter. "Well I'd really like to get through this, just so we can move on. I don't know where to begin, but . . ."

And that was apparently all Edward really needed to get started, because it appeared he did.

"I'm sorry. I know I said that before, but I really am," he said, looking right at me.

I shook my head, but didn't drop his gaze. "No, I am, too. I didn't really handle that situation well Friday night. And I know I came off rude, I don't"—I took a breath in, forcing these words out because they were hard—" I don't have anything to go by, if you know what I mean, when it comes to all of . . . this stuff."

I hoped he knew what I was referring to, and what I was talking about. I felt like I wasn't coming off very clear.

"I mean, I've never done anything like this." I was brave enough to still maintain eye contact with him through that, but afterwards I dropped my eyes down briefly. Looking into that fervent green made my mind and body feel weird things.

"I didn't want to come off jealous. I mean, I don't want to. And I don't want to be immature, but I think . . ." That I was jealous. I was crazy jealous. "I think I just felt really insecure about the whole thing. I mean, you were—are—right. We've never really talked—talked about stuff." I looked up again, feeling like I was making less sense as I went on and begging that he understood because that was the best way I could describe everything. I didn't think I would be able to get the courage up to repeat myself.

Amazingly, he did understand. I guess I should have been expecting it.

His voice was quiet, but steady—a lot steadier than mine had been.

"If you want, I'd like to talk about that stuff with you," he said, and I part of me inside tried to break out of my ribcage. That was like hearing Edward say he wanted his business about . . . it . . . to be mine, all over again.

I nodded slowly, feeling my cheeks, my entire face and body, grow a little warmer. I couldn't talk, but luckily I didn't have to.

"I would like to just say though, what you asked, about Emily . . . it was fair enough, it just caught me off guard and I got overly defensive," he explained, looking tired. "I didn't mean to talk to you like that. It came all out of my mouth wrong; I just didn't want to answer the question."

Edward sounded troubled as he ran a hand through his hair. "You keep saying you handled the situation badly, but I think I did. When we bumped into Emily I was just so surprised I forgot about everything else, like properly introducing her to you. And then in the car when I was angry, and I said I wasn't really hanging out with anyone but you . . . God. When you got out of the car, I felt like shit because those words didn't sound like I wanted them to and I couldn't explain it then. I don't mean I blame or—or resent you or anything for the way things have turned out with me and my friends. I'm actually thankful. I just meant . . . well I don't really know what I meant, just not that."

He was being so honest that all I could do was look up at him with big eyes and nod, allowing him to continue, because it looked, from the tense set of his shoulders, like he wanted to.

He swallowed before continuing. "I met Emily . . . Nearly three years ago now. We went out for about five, maybe six months a year after that. I don't know if I'm supposed to be saying this to you, but she's nice." Edward looked at me, dead seriousness in his eyes. "She's really nice; you'd probably like her, actually. Not everyone that socialises with Tanya is necessarily bad. I mean, like I can judge people on that."

I twisted the fabric of my dress in my hands, digesting what he was saying. The envious person residing somewhere in the darkness of my stomach resented hearing him talk about this girl in such a positive light, but the practical side, the one that reasoned with my head, told me to settle down. The fact that he was being truthful could never be a negative thing, right? And the fact he had respect for her—didn't that show positive aspects of his personality? At least I knew the people he 'went out' with weren't all hideous mistakes. Like Tanya.

"And, um, we . . . Well she was my first," he added, almost hesitant about relaying that bit of information to me. My hands twisted tighter in the fabric of my dress; I knew he wasn't referring to kisses. "And pretty soon it broke down but not in a bad way; we just realised we were better as friends. She moved away a year later, and although we still remained in contact, I haven't spoken to her in… God. Months. Like half a year."

He had clearly finished his story. My eyes crept up from my lap to take in his face again cautiously. Although I wasn't necessarily feeling fantastic, I gave him a small smile, a tentative one that relayed appreciation rather than happiness, and shifted my body a little, making noise to fill up the silence. He just kept looking at me, an unfathomable expression on his face.

"Thanks for telling me that," I said softly, meaning it, because I knew it was important but I also knew it must have been hard. "And I'm sorry."

This made a side of his mouth perk up a little, but the rest of his face remained somewhat stoical. "I think it's been thoroughly established that we are both sorry," he noted.

I looked back to the couch. "I don't . . . Well I don't want things to turn out like that again between us," I confessed. "It happened so quickly. And I know I was the one to get out of the car. I didn't think I could stay, that's all."

Edward was silent for a pause, and I was almost about to look up at his face again due to the lapse of silence. Then he said, "Don't regret it. I mean, it sucked." He breathed out a gush of air, like he was almost laughing, but clearly not in amusement. "I'm going to be really honest here and tell you I don't think I've felt that shit in ages, so if that's any indication of how reliant I am on you, well . . ." He trailed off, and from my peripherals I could see the movement of him shaking his head.

I wanted to speak, to tell him it was the same for me, but something seemed stuck in my throat. And then the moment had passed and he was continuing on, and I was glancing up at him with eyes that I'm sure conveyed somewhere in the depths of the clear terror there my regret, also.

More resolute this time, he added, "I just know you, and I don't want you to feel bad or get stuck on what happened Friday night. We can just move on. I mean, if you want to. Because I screwed up, but at least it happened earlier on, and not later, when it could have escalated into something bigger. And . . ."

I reached forward, touching his arm, and he stopped what he was saying to stare at me. I swallowed, feeling the rarity of me initiating the physical contact create the heavy pause in the air.

"You're right," I said. "I think . . . I think I should have just stayed, and we could have sorted it out then. What made it take an extra day was the fact that I ran away. I just get so overwhelmed . . ." I bit my lip, but didn't look away.

He held my gaze for a couple of thick heartbeats, and then his eyes dropped to rest on my hand clutching his arm. Slowly, with a mixture of absent-mindedness and absolute focus, he moved his own hand over to place it on top of mine.

"I . . . really like you, Bella," he murmured, twining his fingers into mine. I watched, transfixed, at the sight of his hands, so large in contrast to my own, reveal the man he was growing into, the one he was rapidly becoming. And I felt something, something sharp and acute twist in my chest when I realised how lucky I was to be able to be there to watch it happen. And I realised I wanted to continue to watch it happen; I didn't think I'd ever stop.

That aching want didn't know how stop itself. I wasn't even sure if I wanted it to discover how, either; the feeling was both thrilling and terrifying and utterly consuming.

So instead of hiding, or smiling, or fidgeting, or any of the little things I normally did to try and escape away from it, I looked right back at him and took a deep breath, so happy to hear him say such a simple thing.

"I really like you too," I whispered. The hushed volume of my words was not planned, but I couldn't produce them any other way; they were hard and struggled to come out of my mouth. I exhaled loudly, so loudly that I knew he heard it, and the slight embarrassment I felt stained my cheeks slightly red.

But then he grinned. And it was a grin so amazing I was so glad I hadn't missed it, that my hair wasn't there in the way to offer the temptation of cover. Because it was one of the best things I'd ever seen, and I didn't want anything disrupting it.

"So is it safe enough to ask you a question now, then?" he wondered, still playing with my fingers.

Feeling a grin of my own come onto face and finding it impossible to get rid of, I nodded, my happiness having surged to a high height in a frighteningly minimal time. My face was hurting from the physical strain of my smile, and I didn't even bother to think of what I looked like, I was too busy taking in Edward.

He paused, and then ducked his head in closer to me. Without a hint of indecision, he asked, "Can I call you my girlfriend?"

Without blinking, I went positively red just keeping my eyes trained on his face, and then let out a whispered "Yes."

His responding smile was so shattering it put his previous one to shame.

.

Chapters will gradually grow in length as I continue to get more into it. Thank you for everyone's infinte patience. (:

To cake123: This is the answer to your question; break time is over. I have no idea why, but I'm unable to respond to you.

See you soon!