Hello, my loves. This is the first of at least two (maybe three) outtakes from Edward's POV. This one is basically Chapter 10 from EPOV. I know some of it will be repetitive but this was the easiest way for me to get into Edward's head.

EPOV- Graduation

June 2003

I've done it. I've survived high school. I am officially an adult in the eyes of the world. It should be the best day of my life so far. But it's not. My parents are proud, my friends are ecstatic, and I feel hollow. This isn't the way it should be. She should be here with me. We should be celebrating together, planning the beginning of the rest of our lives. But I've ruined that.

I don't hear the speeches, I'm too busy fighting the urge to glance over my shoulder, to seek out her lovely face among the rest of the 'S' last names. I refuse to turn around. If I see her face I will crack. I will rush to her side and beg for forgiveness and then I will ruin her life.

She deserves so much more than I can offer her right now. I'm just a kid with a high school diploma, the ink on which is not even dry yet. I've never even held a job. My parents always wanted me to focus on my studies so I could get into the college they've spent their lives saving money for me to attend. The college on the other side of the country. The college my girl won't be coming with me to.

My classmates talked all morning of finally being free but I don't.

I feel trapped.

I couldn't stay and offer my girl a mediocre life; she deserved so much more than that. I couldn't leave and expect her to wait around for me for years, to put her life on hold for me. Not when I was sure she would grow to resent me for it. So, I'd been forced to make the one decision I felt would harm her least in the long run. I cut out my heart and set her free. I hated myself for it.

I know that I hurt her. I saw it in her face as I spewed some bullshit about both of us needing to be free to enjoy college. I didn't want to be free. I didn't want to go to parties and hook up with vapid girls who didn't have an ounce of the beauty my girl had. But, I didn't want to keep her from experiencing those rites of passage if that's what she wanted. I didn't want to keep her from anything.

I could only hope that someday she would understand my reasoning. That someday, when I was worthy of her, I could throw myself at her feet and beg her forgiveness.

My dad had a medical conference to attend and my mom conveniently decided to tag along. They sent Alice to a friend's house for the weekend, leaving me free rein over the house. Before leaving dad pulled me aside to tell me he was proud of me and to enjoy the celebration, asking only that the house remain intact and that it be cleaned before they returned. He was giving me permission to throw a party. Ha! A party was the very last thing I wanted right now.

I didn't tell Liam or anyone else what my dad said, knowing they'd try to plan a party whether I liked it or not. That didn't stop Liam from trying to convince me to attend someone else's party with him. I blew him off.

Once Alice left for the night, I was alone with my thoughts. I cleaned up my room, trying to clear out some of the junk in anticipation of my upcoming move. I hoped staying busy would keep me from falling too far into depression but the plan backfired. Focusing on the move only made me feel worse and I gave up before ever really getting started.

I ventured downstairs and attempted to watch a movie. It distracted me just fine until suddenly the main character found love. I found a nice safe baseball game to watch after that. Liam called a few times hoping to entice me into joining him at the party. I only stayed on the phone long enough to ask him if she was there. As soon as he told me there was still no sight of her, I'd tell him again that I wasn't coming. Eventually, he stopped calling.

The house grew dark and I found my thoughts harder and harder to bear. I pulled myself from the couch and headed to my dad's liquor stash. I was well-versed in breaking into the little cabinet but I was surprised to find it unlocked. It was never unlocked. Though after his little speech this afternoon, I shouldn't have been surprised. There were several options to choose from but right up front was the one that looked the most appealing. A large unopened bottle of Patron. I never knew either parent to be big tequila drinkers and I wondered for a second if dad had left this here just for me, to aid in my celebration. Well thanks dad, but it's not celebration I'm after. It's a night free from memories and misery. But this will certainly help.

I carried the bottle to the kitchen and dug an old shot glass out of one of the cabinets. I stared at the bottle for several moments, praying its contents would bring me relief. I'd just pulled the cork stopper from the bottle when my phone rang. Fucking Liam!

I pulled my phone from my pocket, ready to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone once and for all. The name flashing across the display nearly stopped my heart.

"Bella?" I breathed, my voice nearly cracking with emotion.

"Edward, please don't hang up. I need help. It's important."

I shoved the cork back into the bottle and rushed from the room, immediately searching for my shoes. "Are you ok?" I demanded. Please God let her be ok.

To my surprise she launched into the story of finding my sister, my baby sister, drunk at a party surrounded by disgusting little punks. That meant she was also at a party. My Bella was at a party drunk with strange men and unable to leave. My shoes were on my feet in a matter of seconds. Keys in hand, I was out the door.

"Where are you? I'm on my way."

She spouted off an address somewhere out in Port-fucking-Angeles and I was on my way. My knuckles tightened over the steering wheel as I repeated the address over and over, committing it to memory since I hadn't thought to bring a pen or paper to write it on. I flew down the highway, praying that Chief Swan and his deputies were too busy busting up all the other parties to worry about me and my speeding.

I made it to Port Angeles in record time and found the street with ease, feeling as though my heart was leading me straight to my Bella. Suddenly there she was, a small figure sitting on the curb in front of a large house. I couldn't see her well but I knew it was her, my heart knew it was her.

I threw the car into park and leapt out. "Bella? Alice?" I called out, letting them know I was here. I came around the car and found my fifteen year old sister passed out in Bella's lap. "Goddammit," I cried, pulling at the ends of my hair in frustration. She was supposed to be at a sleepover. I knew she could be a little shit sometimes but what the fuck was she doing at a party like this? She's just a fucking kid.

"Is she ok?" I asked. Knowing it wouldn't take much for someone Alice's size to get dangerously drunk.

"I think so," she mumbled. "Just sleeping. She's been drooling on me for like twenty minutes but at least she didn't puke."

I leaned forward and pulled my sister from her lap and carried her to the car, laying her across the backseat before turning back to Bella. It took everything in my power to keep from pulling her into my arms as well.

"What the fuck happened?" I demanded, needing to know how my sister ended up in Port Angeles and on her way to a likely date rape if Bella hadn't intervened.

"I don't know," she said, "I was inside and then I had to find Rose and I looked everywhere but I didn't find her. I came out front and there she was, drunk as shit with a whole group of gross boys. I pulled her away and called you. That's all I know."

"Alright, get in the car. Let's get out of here," I replied, ready to put as much distance as I could between my sister, Bella, and the 'gross boys' she mentioned.

"Uh, excuse me?" she asked. "I just called you to get her out of here."

Was she kidding me? Did she really think I was just going to leave her here? After everything she just told me? I didn't even know why she was here in the first place.

"Who are you here with? Why are you even here? Whose party is this?"

"I'm here with Rose and Stefan. It's his party," she said quietly.

Fantastic. No wonder she'd been out here alone. "Ok, so they are probably out screwing somewhere," I snapped. "Which means you're basically here alone, drunk and with what you yourself said were gross, sleazy boys. Yeah, not leaving you here."

Over my Goddamn dead body.

"And where the hell am I supposed to go? I can't go home. I've been drinking. My dad will kill me."

It's true the Chief would be less than pleased if I brought his daughter home drunk but I was sure he would prefer it to the alternative. I knew for a fact he would kill me if he knew I left her alone at a party like this, with questionable people. But I knew I wouldn't be able to convince her to go home and to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to take her home. Not to her home anyway.

"I'll take you to my place. You can crash there. My dad has a conference tomorrow and my mom is tagging along. They left just after dinner."

She hesitated but eventually whispered, "alright," as she slipped into my car. We didn't say anything as we drove away from the party. The only sound coming from Alice's light snores in the backseat. We were halfway home when Bella pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed.

"Dammit," she sighed quietly as she held the phone to her ear before speaking louder. "Hey Rose, something came up and I got a ride home with a friend. Call me tomorrow and I'll explain. Stay safe. Love ya."

A friend. I knew it was my own fault that I was now relegated to being an unimportant, nameless 'friend' but it still stung. Even the way she'd said it sounded forced.

I should have let it go but I couldn't stop myself from raising an eyebrow in question. "A friend?"

"Isn't that what you wanted us to be?" she snapped, using my own words against me. I returned my attention to the road and kept quiet for the duration of the ride. My heart ached as I realized for the first time just how upset she was with me and I questioned whether I'd done the right thing.

After pulling into my driveway, I pulled my sister into my arms and carried her up to her room. Surprisingly, Bella followed me up the stairs and, once I'd laid Alice on the bed, she stepped in to remove her shoes. I left the room and made my way downstairs as the love of my life, who was so obviously angry with me, still found it in her to take care of my sister for me. Just another sign of how good she was, how much I didn't deserve her.

I settled into the couch downstairs, unsure if she would join me or if she would just curl up next to Alice. I tried to hide my surprise as she crept down the stairs and came to sit opposite me on the couch. I wished now that I'd flipped on the light switch so I could see her face. Her expression was too hard to read in the dark.

"I'm sorry my idiot sister ruined your night," I said finally, desperate to break the ice.

She stifled a laugh and mumbled something about her night not going so well in the first place before turning the focus on me, asking about my own evening plans. I admitted that I'd been doing this exact thing when she'd called.

"Well that's lame," she said with a forced little laugh. "Though it was probably better than the stupid party I went to."

"So, why'd you go?" I asked, truly wanting to know why she went to a party she'd been so clearly uncomfortable at.

I never expected her to answer but she opened right up, admitting that she just went to get drunk and forget everything. Forget me, is more like it. She mumbled something offhand about being groped before delving back into the story of finding Alice but I wasn't listening anymore. I was seeing red.

"Groped? Someone groped you?" I was seething, ready to drive back to that party and burn the whole fucking thing to the ground. Why would Rosalie take her there? And what kind of fucked up friends did this Stefan kid have?

In typical Bella fashion, she quickly began backtracking, trying to write the whole incident off as being no big deal. It wasn't. It was a big fucking deal. She should be free to celebrate her graduation without being assaulted and I was furious at the thought of another man having his hands on her, especially against her will. However, she was upset and begged me to move past it so I would, for now. I'd been given a gift by having her here with me and I wasn't going to risk scaring her off.

"All I wanted was to celebrate my graduation by getting so drunk I forgot everything. Now that plan is ruined so I'd really like to just pass out and forget this night ever happened," she sighed.

My heart broke all over again. She'd gone to the party in search of relief much like I'd been seeking from that tequila bottle in the kitchen. Then I had an idea. Her plans had been ruined by drunken assholes and my idiotic sister but maybe I could salvage part of it for her. I owed her that much. Lord knows I still needed to drink the pain away.

"Hang on just a second," I said and jumped off the couch and hurried to the kitchen, snatching the bottle of Patron off the counter before heading back to the living room. "My sister ruined your plans but maybe I can fix that."

She seemed surprised by my ability to obtain alcohol so quickly and I was forced to admit that my own plans for the evening were quite similar to hers. I offered to make her a margarita, not expecting her to want to just drink the liquor straight as I had planned but she surprised me with her willingness to do shots with me.

We headed into the kitchen and I dug another shot glass out of the cupboard and sliced up a few limes. After we had a couple of shots in us the tension in the room lightened considerably and Bella even seemed to relax a bit.

"Better?" I asked, hoping I'd helped at least a little in brightening her night.

"Much," she replied with a genuine smile, "the company is better here too. No creepers."

My heart nearly exploded. She'd only said my company was preferable to creepy gropers but it was better than being worse. It was clear though that the events of her evening were still bothering her so I took another stab at asking her what happened. She didn't shut me down this time; alcohol had loosened her tongue and she jumped right into the story. As she told me about some guy watching her at the party, my blood began to boil. When she said he had waited outside the restroom for her I was livid. When she talked of him pulling her into a bedroom, I lost all ability to think rationally, but when she admitted to actually letting him kiss her, I snapped.

"You let him kiss you? My baby sis was out there getting taking advantage of while you were off making out with some other guy?"

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and I instantly regretted each word. Bella staggered backwards as if I had hit her and I knew that I'd fucked up. I was angry, yes, but more at myself than her. If I hadn't pushed her away she would have never been in that situation but the idea of her letting some other guy put his lips on her was like a punch to the gut.

She didn't say another word but turned and ran from the house, out into the night. I followed quickly, calling out to her, praying she'd give me the chance to apologize. I breathed a sigh in relief as she spun around but she immediately began reading me the riot act. I accepted every angry word she threw at me, grimacing as I realized I'd basically called her a whore. I could never think that of her. I was just so angry at the world and she had been the undeserving recipient of that anger.

She turned away again and resumed stomping down the driveway but I refused to let her go. Not like this. "You're right," I called, grabbing her arm and forcing her to turn and face me. "You're totally right and I'm an ass. I'm sorry."

"You wanted to be friends?" she spat. "Well, friends don't judge each other and get all jealous."

She was right though I really didn't want to just be friends. I wanted so much more but if she wanted to be friends I wouldn't say no. I would take being her friend over being nothing at all.

I continued to apologize until she agreed to come back inside, promptly declaring that she needed much more alcohol. I hated that we'd come to this point, where she needed to be drunk to hang out with me, but I forced a smile and poured her a drink, hoping I could prove to her that we could remain friends at least. Maybe if I could be her friend, it would be easier to convince her to give me another shot in a few years when I was in a position to take care of her. I didn't want to hold her back but maybe we didn't have to be torn apart entirely in the meantime. Maybe I could still be a part of her life.

With a few more rounds of shots, the anger from our argument dissipated entirely. I watched her carefully as she took each shot, her cute little tongue darting across her delicate wrist as she gathered the salt there. My pants tightened as she wrapped her perfect pink lips around the wedge of lime. The air practically crackled with my desire for her, as my body flushed with warmth, both from the alcohol coursing through my veins and the mere nearness of Bella.

I poured myself another shot, mine always a bit larger than the shots I poured for her, and grabbed the salt. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed her tiny wrist, bringing it gently to my mouth and licking it slowly, reveling in the taste of her skin. My brain began blaring alarms but I silenced them. I vaguely heard Bella ask me what I was doing. I spoke honestly as I replied that she simply tasted better as I poured salt onto her skin and held out my own lime wedge for her to hold.

I brought her now salty wrist back to my mouth and sucked softly. I almost didn't need the tequila, Bella was intoxicating enough but reluctantly I pulled away and sucked down the liquor. My girl held up the lime for me and locked eyes with me as I bit down on the tart flesh of the fruit. I was playing a dangerous game.

"What was that?" she whispered.

I didn't know how to respond. I'd been the one to push her away. I'd told her I just wanted to be friends and now I was on the verge of blurring that line. My head was spinning. I had no idea what I was doing.

"What? Friends can't hold fruit for other friends?" I asked, trying to shrug off my actions as nothing major, when in truth, she was pulling me under. I began reminding myself over and over that she just wanted to be friends. I'd let her go for her own good. She wasn't mine anymore. Friends. I repeated. Just be her friend.

She smiled at me and my heart nearly stopped. I was so fucked. I turned and poured her another shot, still smaller than my own, I didn't want her to overdo it, as I announced it was her turn.

She licked her own wrist and smiled at me defiantly, teasing me, letting me know she was in charge. I laughed because I knew she was in charge. Friends. I repeated again. Just friends. She owned me completely but if she wanted to tease me, I could tease back. As she brought the shot-glass to her lips and closed her eyes, inhaling the harsh liquid, I placed the lime in my mouth, biting down on the rind. I fully expected her to scowl and snatch the fruit away from me but she surprised me again, throwing her arms around my neck as she bit into the lime.

I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. She released the fruit and pulled back in surprise. I took the opportunity to let the lime drop from my mouth and pressed my lips back to hers, grateful to no longer have that barrier between us. Her lips were still tangy but that sweet taste that was pure Bella lingered just under the surface, drawing me in.

My world began to spin as I held her in my arms, kissing her with everything I had. The taste of her, the feel of her made everything else go blank. It was just the two of us, the way it should always be. I barely registered her asking me a question and I mumbled something in response, the part of my brain that handled speech on autopilot. All I could focus on was the feel of her skin on my fingertips.

Somehow we found our way upstairs and into my bedroom. I fumbled with her clothing, muttering jibberish to her until I had her lying naked beneath me. The room was spinning. All coherent thought had shut down but when I finally took her, wrapped in my arms, it was just like coming home. I fell asleep with her body against mine. I never wanted to let her go.

It was well into the afternoon when I woke. My head was pounding, my mouth felt like sandpaper but none of that bothered me, none of that mattered, because I was alone. I sat up suddenly in the bed, searching the room desperately for any sign of her. Ignoring the pounding of my head, I leapt from the bed, pulled on a pair of flannel sleep pants and rushed to the bathroom. She wasn't there. I searched the floor. Her clothes were gone. There was no sign that she'd ever even been here.

Had she been here? Did I dream her being in my bed?

I scoured my memories. I remembered driving out to the party. I remembered fighting but we'd made up quickly. I found myself growing hard again as I remembered kissing her, touching her, making love to her. It felt too real to be imagined. And there was the fact that I'd woken up naked. I vaguely remembered putting on a condom and decided to check the trash, looking for any proof that my memories were real and not imagined. As I walked across the room, a slip of paper sitting on my desk caught my eye. The desk had been the first and only thing I cleaned last night before giving up. That paper shouldn't have been there. I could see Bella's light scrawl as I neared the desk and my heart lifted. Of course! She'd probably had somewhere she needed to be earlier and left me a note letting me know.

I snatched the paper from the desk greedily, hoping she'd included a time she'd be free again. I couldn't wait to see her again. Instead, her note destroyed my heart.

Edward-

I'm sorry. I can't do this.

Love, Bella

I read it several times before crumpling the paper in my hand and tossing it across the room with a roar. I didn't understand. What the fuck had happened? I rushed down the stairs, hoping irrationally that she was still here, that maybe I could catch her. All I found was Alice wrapped in a blanket on the couch watching TV.

"Did you see her?" I demanded. "Did you talk to her? Is she still here?"

Alice nodded sadly. "She left a while ago."

"Well? What did she say?"

"Um, I asked her if she knew how I got home. I don't really remember."

I growled in aggravation. "Alice, believe me, we'll definitely be talking later but right now, I don't really give a fuck about you! Did she say anything about me?"

My sister looked down at her lap. "Not much. I asked her why she was leaving. She said it was complicated. That's about it. She didn't seem to want to talk about it and she left pretty quickly."

"It's complicated?" I repeated. "That's it?"

"Well, isn't it?" Alice asked. "I thought you broke up."

"We did."

"Why?"

I really didn't want to discuss this with her. "I have my reasons."

"Yeah, well maybe she has hers. I mean, you are leaving soon, aren't you?"

Fuck! She had a point. I was leaving. Nothing had changed. "You think that's why?"

"I don't fucking know, Edward. I can't imagine it's not a factor though. Or maybe she just doesn't like being jerked around. You break up and the hook up with her again the first chance you got. She has feelings you know? We girls don't like being teased with something we can't have. Now, will you leave me alone? My fucking head hurts."

I turned and walked back to my room. Alice's words weighing heavily on my mind. I wanted so much to call Bella, beg her to forgive me. But for what? I was still leaving. I would still be holding her back. I couldn't ask her to be mine yet. I needed to figure out a way to make it work. I needed a plan before I could ask anything of her.

I knew what I needed to do. I would go to Dartmouth as planned but once there I would find a way for us. I would find a job. Find an apartment off campus where she could come live with me. I was going to figure this out and then I was going to come back for my girl.

Like I said before, there should be at least one more outtake covering Edward's time at Dartmouth. The news of Bella's wedding and leading up to the reunion. I hope to have that up sometime this weekend. Thanks again for all the support. It has been amazing.