Jane parked the car and killed the engine. From behind her, she heard Sam gently call Dean's name and Dean's sleepy growl in response.
"C'mon Dean, we've got to get this over with," Michael called back over his shoulder.
One bleary eye slowly opened. "Why? I'm tellin' you 'm clean," Dean murmured. "Rex had a very strict policy of 'cover your stump before you hump'."
Jane felt Michael flinch at the phrase. "It's not because we think you're not clean. It's for your own wellbeing," Michael said softly. "You're still bleeding and you look like hell."
"Thanks for that, you look great too," Dean replied, sitting up slowly with a grunt. He wiped some drool off the side of his mouth and looked down at the seat. Jane followed his gaze and spotted the dark, wet stain.
"Fuck," they both said simultaneously.
Michael shot her a look and she immediately added, "Don't worry about that, it'll come off. We can take it off together and get her looking new again when we get back."
Dean just looked kind of sad at that. "I'm not going back with you guys," he looked out of the window as he spoke, his voice on the verge of breaking.
"Wh-what do you mean? Where else will you go?" asked Jane, taken aback. Apparently she wasn't the only one. Sam was also looking at Dean like he was speaking a foreign language.
"If you can drop me off near a job centre or something, that'd be great," Dean continued to look through the glass, "I'll find a job somewhere, I'll get by." The kid swallowed and closed his eyes before continuing. "You guys poured so much effort and money into me and what did I do? I ended up back where I came from. Hell, I even dragged you guys into my shit too."
Jane could feel Michael bristle at the swear, but was grateful when he let it pass. Instead he said, "We can go home and talk about this, Dean. You said yourself that you wanted to live with us."
Dean turned round to face them, his eyes torn between hope and resignation. "Yeah, I want to. But that doesn't mean I should. You guys are so normal, you don't need me dragging you down. And I need to tell you this now because you guys are gonna drive home from this hospital without me."
Michael was about to speak but Jane interjected, angry tears welling up in her eyes. "Now you listen to me Dean Winchester. You don't ever drag anyone down." She turned to look at both of her sons. "You know I hate lying, even to make people feel better. So you'd both better believe me when I say I'm incredibly proud of both of you.
"Sam, I'm really very sorry for the way I acted in the basement. You needed me to be strong and I fell apart. But you were brave, you kept us together. Dean, I might have been down there but I could hear what was happening. What you did wasn't you giving in and going back to square one or whatever else you think it was. It was, frankly, one of the bravest things I've ever witnessed. I wish he'd never given you that ultimatum, but I admire your love for your family and I understand your choice, we all do. Hell, it wasn't a choice at all and anyone who sees it as that had better take it up with me first," she heard her voice rise with anger at the memories of what she'd overheard over the last few days.
'Such a good little slut. You'll bend over for anything.'
'You love this really, don't you?'
She felt Michael's fingers brush gently over her forearm, grounding her back to the present conversation. She took a slow breath and continued. "No one in this car blames you for what happened apart from yourself."
Michael nodded and added, "We're all just glad you're okay. These last few days have been pretty bad for all of us and I think we could all do with just getting home and sorting through things. How does that sound to you?"
"Dad, you don't get it. What if something else happens because of me?"
"Then it happens." Sam stated. "You didn't see this coming, none of us did. If anything else happens, we'll deal with that too." Sam looked up at his father and gave a half-smile. "We have to persevere. We can't just give up on being a family because something bad happened." He looked back at Dean, "Besides, if you leave, who's going to call me midget and go wave-jumping with me?"
Dean looked around the car, gratitude dancing in his tear-stung eyes. "I don't get you guys," he said in a choked whisper, before clearing his throat. "You sure about this?"
The verdict was unanimous.
"'Course," whispered Sam.
Dean shrugged and looked away just as the tears brimmed over. "Okay then," he said, his voice heavy, as he reached over and opened the Impala door.
Michael got out and went over to help the kid out. He steadied Dean, letting go only when the kid seemed to be stood solidly. Sam got out after him and Jane followed a couple of steps behind the trio after locking up the car.
The doctor, a pretty young lady who seemed to recognise Dean and had him blushing head to foot, told them they'd get the results from the STD check in a few days, and that the anal fissure that was causing the bleeding would heal on its own over a couple of weeks. She wrote out a prescription for some painkillers and gave Sam full permission to feed Dean as much chicken soup as he wanted, much to Dean's dismay.
That was followed by the painful silence that accompanied waiting outside in the corridor as the doctors collected the medical evidence using a rape exam kit. Jane sat staring at the lonely drink dispenser, wondering why someone as kind and loyal and brave as her Dean would have to go through something like this. Just when they thought he'd got out, he got pulled back in again.
Dean came out of the examination room with dead eyes once again. Jane stood and offered Dean her seat but all he did was glance at it and quickly refuse.
"I swear, I ain't ever going in for one of those again," he said with a shudder.
"I hope you never have to." Jane extended a hand towards his shoulder, but pulled it back at Dean's flinch.
"Dean, we need to talk about therapy," Michael said quietly.
"I'm not crazy, I don't need to be stuffed full of pills," Dean growled.
"But you need to talk about what you've been through, the social services think so too." Michael sighed and stood up, his knees cracking from the exertion. "No one's going to give you any pills and no one's saying you're crazy. We know you don't want to talk to us about what's happened, but maybe you'd feel better talking to someone who can provide the appropriate help."
"There's nothing to help. I'm fine."
"You always say that," Sam looked up from the National Geographic issue he'd been poring over. "You never mean it, but you always say it. Why?"
Dean stared at Sam's quirked brow and questioning gaze for a while before replying with a shrug and turning to look at Jane with wet eyes. "Mum, can we just go home now?"
"We need to talk-" Michael started to say, but Jane stopped him with a quick look and a nod. The conversation could wait 'til a later date. For now, her son had called her Mum and asked to go home.
"Okay, I'll just talk to the doctors and then we can go home," said Jane.
Ten minutes later, Jane was shifting her baby into reverse, watching Dean's subtle winces through the wing mirror as he tried to not disturb the bandages covering his torso. He was sat on the seat like it was on top of a pressure mine, seeming to feel every bump and pothole in the road as if he'd been road-hauled across it. Next to him, Sam was staring out of the window at the other passing cars, occasionally glancing at his brother with a look of concern tinged with awe.
When Jane had lost her baby daughter, she'd been convinced that the hole left by her absence could never be filled. And maybe it couldn't. But it was no longer as big and aching a chasm as it once had been. Because now there were two boys, and they seemed to take up a hell of a lot of the room.
"What do you all want for dinner when we get back?" asked Jane.
"Can I have a peanut butter and banana sandwich?" asked Sam. Not waiting for the answer, he quickly added, "With peanut butter on both pieces of bread."
Jane rolled her eyes and met Sam's gaze with her own through the rearview mirror. "That was one time. I've put it on both sides ever since."
"Yeah, well I just thought I'd remind you in case you forgot," said Sam, a hint of a grin in his voice.
"One bloody time," sighed Jane.
"What about you, Dean?" asked Michael.
A silence settled over the car as Dean thought about his answer.
"I dunno," Dean eventually said with a shrug.
Jane bit back a sigh as she watched Dean stare at his fidgeting hands.
Christ, can't he demand pizza or something like other teens just this once?
Dean looked up, catching Jane's eyes before diverting his gaze to Michael. "But can I have seconds of whatever we're having?"
Jane felt a part of her break while another part of her simultaneously reformed. She'd waited patiently at every meal for the day Dean would finally believe that asking for seconds wasn't going to have any repercussions. The kid who so dearly loved food could still not help himself to more than one slice of pie.
But Dean's words were a testament to how far they'd come. She turned to glance at Michael, but was surprised to see him rubbing at his eyes and sniffling slightly. His voice was on the verge of cracking when he spoke.
"'Course you can, son."
Dean felt heat rising up off the tarmac and through the soles of his shoes as he slowly walked out of the school gates, willing his feet to keep going despite knowing what awaited him when he got home. He missed the presence of his gangly, girlie-haired little brother by his side. They'd normally walk home together, Sam filling him in on every little detail of what had happened during the day while Dean listened and responded, occasionally throwing in an exaggerated fake yawn to annoy the kid. But Sam was on a school trip to a natural history museum that day, probably busy drooling over fossils and dinosaur exhibits, leaving Dean on his own.
He rounded the corner of the school street when he heard someone call his name.
"Dean! Wait up!" Dean turned to see Priya running towards him, waving something in the air. "You left your product design folder on the table." She caught up and panted as she held out the folder.
"Uh, sorry about that," Dean said, taking his bag off his back and putting the folder in.
Priya straightened up with a groan and looked at him. "You okay? You've kind of been out of it all day."
Dean's first reaction was to start scrolling through potential lies he could use. He'd already told her that he'd not been in school because of a stomach bug, maybe he could tell her that it was playing up again?
But you can trust her. You know you can. She's had every opportunity to leave your sorry ass behind and yet she's stayed every time.
Glancing down at his watch and noting that the hour of judgement was now ten minutes closer than it had been the last time he'd looked, he said, "I've got to get going, but I'll tell you along the way."
"Okay, I'll walk you home," she said, starting to walk off ahead of him.
Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Be sure to hold my hand when we're crossing the road."
A grin flashed across Priya's face. "You'll regret saying that soon."
"You hold my hand when we're crossing the road and I swear I'll hunt you down when you least expect it. You'll have to start sleeping with one eye open." He clumsily zipped up his bag and swung it onto his back, only to curse when it collided with the lacerated skin.
Priya stopped and quickly turned back, "Hey, you alright?" she asked, concern flooding her face.
"Yeah," Dean grunted, "I'm okay."
"Give me the bag, I'll carry it," she took the bag without waiting for a reply and hefted onto her back along with her own.
Dean would usually have grumbled about being treated like a child and taken it back, but it was actually quite a relief to not feel the cotton of his shirt chafing against his back every time he took a step. "Thanks."
Bookworm merely nodded in acknowledgement and carried on walking.
"You know how I'd said I'd been sick on Monday and that's why I'd not been in school?" Dean watched as Priya inclined her head in curiosity and nodded. "Yeah, well, I'd actually been in Gildering. My father –well, more my biological father- had taken me back to his house so he could hire me out again. He took Sam and Mum too for leverage." Dean fought the rage bubbling up within him at the memory of Sam's terrified face as the gun prodded his temple.
He turned his head to look at Priya's reaction, shame colouring his cheeks in anticipation, but found no one there. Turning round, he saw that Priya had stopped walking.
"What?" she said dumbly.
"I didn't want to go back," the pathetic excuses tumbled from Dean's mouth on instinct. "He said he'd make Sam-"
"Where is he?" Priya interjected, her hands balled into tight fists by her side. "I'm going to break his face in. You just tell me where he is." Dean had never seen the girl so consumed by anger.
"He's in prison now. He pleaded guilty and got a life sentence," said Dean, watching as some of the fury abated and a milder look of sorrow took its place.
"Why wasn't he in jail before this?" she asked, her voice a little softer now, coming towards him. "When you were first taken from him, why didn't anyone go to the police?"
Dean shrugged. "The doctors thought he was just a guy who was bad at raising a son on his own. He acted like all he wanted was for his son to be okay. Hell, even I nearly believed it. They gave me over to the social services without getting the police involved. When I got there I wouldn't let anyone touch me, let alone check me for evidence of abuse. I guess I'm just lucky I don't have any STDs."
Priya just looked kind of sad at that. She nodded and kept walking.
"I hope he drops a lot of soap in jail," Dean muttered bitterly.
Priya smiled wanly, "I dunno about wishing something like that upon someone else, but I get where you're coming from."
Dean looked up at the girl as they turned the corner onto his street. A few strands of hair had slipped out of her ponytail and were currently swinging in front of her eyes. She brushed them away in frustration. "I'm guessing he's the one that did your back in again then?" she asked. "I swear you've not sat properly on a chair without flinching in like a week."
Dean shrugged. "The painkillers wear off." He extended his arm and gently rested his fingers on Priya's shoulder. She stopped short and turned round to face him. "Priya, I swear I was done with that stuff. I really hadn't wanted to go back, I swear on my life. Hell, I swear it on yours. It's just, he said he'd make Sam do it and-" Dean paused as his voice hitched, then resumed. "And I couldn't let them do that. You remember that djinn?"
Priya nodded. "How could I forget?"
"The world he put me into… it wasn't perfect. Hell, it was pretty fucking far from that. And Sam… in that world he was a hooker, like me. Fuck, he literally was me. He'd pretty much gotten my life and I'd gotten his. And he was so shattered, Priya, I-I don't even know how to describe it. That wasn't Sam anymore, that was a living corpse that just looked like him. And so when Rex threatened to do that to Sam if I didn't play along, I-I just, you know, went along and became a whore again. I just gave in."
"Dean, you don't have to justify anything to me," Priya said gently. She looked at Dean, but there was no judgement in her expression, just a lightly quivering lip and wet eyes. "I know you'd never go back to that out of choice. And I get why you gave in. I'd like to say I'd be brave enough to do the same if it were Sonali who was being threatened but who knows? I might have been too scared."
"You think that was brave? I willingly slept with men for money and you think that was brave? I'm having to go to therapy sessions because of what I did and you think I'm brave?" Dean scoffed, his eyes narrowing in disbelief.
Priya sighed and her shoulders slumped. "Why don't you ever give yourself a break, Dean? Quit hating yourself and hate Darth Vader or something for a bit. And before you say Darth Vader's not all that bad, I know, but you get the point I'm making," she added, brushing Dean's protests aside. "Free will's not the same as coercion, Dean. And going to therapy sessions doesn't make you weak either."
Dean didn't know what to say to that. Instead, he watched her angrily shove the stray hairs that had fallen in front of her face again behind her ear. "You're way too good for me, Bookworm," he said finally.
A small grin appeared on her face. "'Course I am. I'm freakin' wonderful." The smile wavered. "But I'm serious Dean, promise me you'll at least try to give yourself a break?"
Dean shrugged, breaking down under the sincere gaze. "Okay."
Priya seemed to be satisfied with that and gave him a quick nod before starting to walk back up the road. They hadn't gotten much further when the Impala came roaring down the street, screeching to a halt a little in front of them. Dean's mum stepped out and gestured them over impatiently.
"We're going to be late for the appointment if we don't get going," she said, sliding back into the driver's seat as Dean opened the door on the other side and got in, gritting his teeth as another tendril of pain shot up his spine.
"Thanks," said Dean, as Priya handed his bag over. "And thanks for, you know, what you said," he added gruffly, hating the way all the blood in his body had decided to travel to his cheeks.
"No worries, talk to me if you ever need to," she said as she leaned against the doorframe and peered in through the window, before looking up to smile at Dean's mum. "I'll see you all later."
Mum smiled back and started up the engine, waiting for Priya to remove her hand and step away before flooring the accelerator and getting them off to a jerky start.
"She's a good kid," she remarked, watching as the car behind decided to overtake them despite them doing the speed limit.
"Yeah, she is," Dean replied, smiling down at his lap.
They sat in silence for most of the journey until his mum couldn't take it anymore and started speaking.
"I know you don't like talking about stuff, and I know you don't want to go to this, but you know what the social services said. They won't let you stay with us unless they're convinced you're getting the right emotional support. So let's just make the best of this, huh?" Mum's voice sounded almost desperate. Dean knew why. She'd been beating herself up about her previous reluctance to talk to him about his past and he guessed she saw this therapy as a baby step towards making amends. Despite Dean's repeated insistence that it wasn't her fault, that he'd been a stubborn son of a bitch and that's what had caused everything that happened, she'd continued to place the blame on her own shoulders.
Nevertheless, Dean still didn't feel like he was really ready to pour his heart out to some shrink who'd sit there and silently judge him. But if his mum was asking him to, he'd at least give it a shot. "Yeah, okay."
The clinic was situated centrally in the town and Mrs Winchester was soon pulling up in an empty parking spot. Dean looked out of the window at the scarcely filled car park, dreading walking into the building and having his most shameful memories and experiences documented in black and white.
"Michael and I wanted you to know we think what you're doing is really brave," his mum said from the side.
"A lot of people seem to be calling me brave today," Dean remarked.
She smiled at that, before looking down at her watch and giving him a gentle nudge. "You'd best get going, the session starts in two minutes."
Dean nodded and got out of the car, feeling his feet become heavy blocks of lead almost instantaneously. He walked over to the entrance door and pulled it open. Before entering, he turned to look out over the car park again. Mum shot him a thumbs-up from inside the Impala.
This is probably going to be a big, steaming pile of shit, but you've promised to give this a go. You've promised that to them all.
With that thought, Dean Winchester stepped inside.