Thanks a lot to my beta-reader, Bloodxtraitor and Tori, for correcting my mistakes.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.
A great thank you to my moti-betas as well.
I'm not a native speaker of English!
Dear readers,
I was informed that the alert system again doesn't work correctly for some people. So if you want to be informed about updates, sign in on my newsletter on my homepage. (link on my profile) I updated Final Breeze a few days ago as well. So if you hadn't been informed, even though you have it on the alert, go and check it out!
Sunny
EDIT 10.07.2010: I first uploaded the wrong version! It was the unedited one! I'm really, really sorry! Now the betaed version is up!
Chapter 38 – The Sweat Lodge
-II-
"It would be my pleasure, Draco. Let's go in then," Light Arrow said and then looked at Harry. "You will be last, Harry. Is that okay with you, or would you prefer to sit one seat deeper in the sweat lodge for not being the last one outside?"
Harry wondered, not for the first time, if the old man could read his mind, and he quickly looked down. Severus chuckled when he passed him and ruffled his hair. "No, he can't read you mind, but it was written all over you face."
Harry glared at Severus and then looked back at Light Arrow. "Will it be very hot to be one seat deeper in the hut?"
"No, it just could be difficult for you if you are feeling claustrophobic," Light Arrow explained.
Harry thought about his cupboard. He had never felt claustrophobic in there, he had felt safe. "I would prefer not to be the last one out here." Again he looked down, ashamed.
"That's nothing to feel ashamed about Harry. It's all right," Light Arrow said softly and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Black Hawk, you will be the last one. I will go in now and let them rearrange correctly. Red Horse, you will follow shortly after, then Severus and Draco. The last two in will be Harry and Black Hawk." When all nodded in agreement, he crouched down to crawl through the tiny tunnel.
-II-
Draco felt cold sweat form across his whole body when he crawled through the small tunnel that led into the sweat lodge. When his face made contact with a heavy blanket, he panicked and tried to crawl backwards.
"Wait, Draco," Black Hawk said calmly, but determinedly when he saw Draco crawling backward. He had crouched down to make sure that Draco was alright.
Hearing Black Hawk's voice behind him, Draco panicked even more. He wanted to turn around so that his bottom wasn't exposed to the man he assumed had crawled after him into the tunnel. In reality, the tunnel wasn't long enough to fit two men, for it was only about three feet long, and Black Hawk was merely just outside the entrance, but thinking rationally wasn't what Draco was doing at that moment. The tunnel was very narrow; it was a wonder that Red Horse had fit through it. That left Draco unable to turn around, and now he was stuck. Fear was taking over, and he began to sob, not knowing what to do.
"Take my hand, Draco," Severus instructed from inside the sweat lodge after he had pulled the blanket away from the entrance.
Draco still couldn't see anything with Black Hawk behind him, blocking any light that could have come from the campfire. Draco whimpered; he couldn't move. It was as if his hands and knees were glued to the ground.
"I can't get him to take my hand," Severus stated.
"Move to the other side. I will try," Light Arrow instructed. A moment later, Draco could hear Light Arrow's voice very close to his own face. The old man must have crawled into the interior entrance to the tunnel.
"It's okay, Draco. I'm here to help you. I am going to touch your face so you know where I am, okay?" Light Arrow asked softly.
Draco wanted to answer, but all that came out was a whimper and another sob. He nodded his head and hoped the old man could see him. When the hand cupped his cheek, Draco leaned into it. He was relieved to not be alone in the tunnel anymore.
Gently, Light Arrow caressed Draco's cheek with his thumb. "Nothing to panic about; you are almost inside, and there is more room in there. Come on, give me your hand," Light Arrow instructed.
"I can't," Draco croaked.
"Of course you can, Draco. You brought a wheelbarrow full of stones all the way from the river to the camp. You can lift your hand from the ground and place it into mine. Severus is only a few inches away from you," Light Arrow assured the frightened boy.
Draco closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Slowly he lifted a shaking hand, and Light Arrow grabbed it. Gently Draco was pulled in the sweat lodge. He was shaking badly when he was pulled down onto a blanket beside Light Arrow. Severus crawled back to Draco's side, and now the boy was one seat further into the sweat lodge than originally planned.
"It's all right, Draco," Severus said calmingly and drew gentle circles on Draco's neck.
Panic overcame Draco when Light Arrow let go of his hand, and he blindly groped for it.
"I'm still here, Draco. You can open your eyes," Light Arrow said softly after he had taken Draco's hand again.
Draco shook his head. He could only feel panic. His heart was beating like hell, and only now when Light Arrow held his hand again, could he calm down a bit.
Suddenly, he felt the heat. It was breathtaking. He drew back until he felt the blanket behind him. That made him jump again because the blanket was hot as well.
"Shh, Draco, everything is fine," Severus assured Draco, his hand still on the boy's neck. Every muscle in Severus' body was tensed. He really hoped Draco would calm down before he would pass out from overwhelming panic.
Harry pulled the thick blanket back from the entrance. He could hear Severus speaking calming words to Draco, but when the heat hit him in his face, Harry could only think about his own problems. His eyes were open, but immediately started to burn from the heat.
"It's all right, Harry. Come in," Red Horse said encouragingly and held his hand in Harry's direction.
Harry could only see a faint glowing from the stones, but he couldn't make out Red Horse's hand. "Can't see you," he croaked. He fought hard against the impulse to crawl backwards because of the darkness and the heat.
"It's all right, Harry. Just reach you hand out, and Red Horse will take it," Black Hawk said and patted Harry's calf. It was just a small trick to try and make Harry go further on and not turn around or back up. Black Hawk just hoped he wasn't pushing Harry too much.
Harry had the feeling Black Hawk was already in the tunnel behind him, and that gave him a creepy feeling. So he extended his hand into the darkness, and the relief he felt when it was grabbed by a big hand was indescribable. He was pulled into the darkness until he made contact with a sweating body. Harry pulled back, shocked and embarrassed that he had almost tripped over Red Horse. "Sorry, I—"
"No problem, Harry. Just sit down," Red Horse said calmly and pulled Harry down onto the blanket beside him. Harry tried to make out anything, but he wasn't able to see much. At least he recognized a shadow as it sat down on his other side.
"All right, Harry?" Black Hawk asked when he had sat down.
Harry nodded, but remembering that it was dark, he said, "Yes."
Draco meanwhile had calmed down. The long time the blanket was drawn back again from the entrance had let cool air into the sweat lodge and the heat wasn't so bad anymore. Still, he hadn't opened his eyes and continued to clutch Light Arrow's hand so hard that the old man surely must be in pain.
"Can you lead the ceremony, Crying Horse?" Light Arrow asked and held the bag of herbs in Crying Horses direction. Obviously the Natives had no problems seeing in the darkness because Crying Horse grabbed for the herbs and pulled the bucket of water closer to him.
"Sure," Crying Horse replied, but he sounded a bit insecure. "Shall I start right now?"
"Are you ready, Harry?" Light Arrow asked over the small pit in which the glowing stones lay.
Harry nodded, this time not remembering that it was too dark for Light Arrow to see him.
"Harry?" Light Arrow asked again.
"Oh, sorry. Yeah I'm all right," Harry answered embarrassed and a bit frightened of what would happen now.
"Draco?" Light Arrow asked gently and squeezed Draco's hand.
"A-all r-right," Draco stuttered.
"Then start, Crying Horse. Remember four rounds of pouring in this round and two herb burnings," Light Arrow instructed. Crying Horse had proven to be more than just a fun maker in the camp. Light Arrow was very proud of him, even though the old man still felt that staying in the camp would change the cheerful young man in a negative way. He was very good for the kids, but Light Arrow didn't feel well knowing that the chances are high that Crying Horse would lose his positive and cheerful way of seeing life while seeing firsthand more and more dramas and tragedies. He had made his opinion very clear to Crying Horse when the boy decided to live with them. There was no beating around the bush during their discussion, just the hard truth that Light Arrow thought Crying Horse would break under the things he would see and experience in the camp. Nothing Light Arrow said could change the lovesick boy's decision, and so Light Arrow bowed to his wish. That didn't change the fact he felt bad for tainting his perfect and ideal soul by letting him see some of the worst this world had to offer.
The children who came to this camp were those that everyone else has given up on. They had seen things nobody should have seen, and they had experienced pain, physically and emotionally, that was indescribable. Being around people like that would change a person, and Light Arrow wished Crying Horse would never change. He had now lived for over eight years in the camp, yet Light Arrow was still worried about him. Crying Horse had hardly changed, and they had had many intense talks, but Light Arrow couldn't get rid of the guilt he felt whenever he saw Crying Horse.
For Crying Horse, it was a constant challenge to prove himself to Light Arrow. Rose and White Cloud had tried to talk him into stoping to try to impress the old man, but he couldn't. He wanted to show him that he was happy in the camp and that he loved the work here. He wanted Light Arrow to see him as a part of the family like Red Horse, Severus and Black Hawk. It hurt him a lot to be an outsider, and he couldn't understand it. Yes, Light Arrow had explained it all to him, but for Crying Horse it felt as if he was punished for having a good childhood. The last few weeks had finally been different. Light Arrow had chosen him over Black Hawk or White Cloud or Rose to take over the camp when he had left it with Severus and Red Horse, and now he asked him to lead this ceremony. Never before was he allowed to do that.
Crying Horse was a Lakota Native American. He knew the sweat lodge ceremony, even though the way to celebrate it was different in each Nation. Red Horse was an Iroquois, but his parents had lived in the modern world, so Red Horse didn't know anything about traditional ways of living before he came into the camp. Black Hawk was a Cherokee like Rose and her parents, and he was very committed to the traditional way of living. Therefore he had always been Light Arrow's first choice to give any traditional tasks to.
But that had changed over the last few weeks, and Crying Horse wondered what had triggered it. He wasn't going to ask and just enjoy it and use it to prove himself to the old man. Finally he had a chance to be accepted fully into the family. He opened the small bag in which the herbs lay and sprinkled a pinch over the hot stones.
Harry crinkled his nose. The smell was biting, and Harry had the feeling it was going straight though to his head. He tried to hold his breath for a time, but that made him cough.
"Don't try to hold your breath, Harry. The biting feeling will go away soon. Breath through your mouth," Black Hawk instructed while placing his hand calmingly on Harry's neck.
Draco tried to turn his head away from the fumes. He finally dared to open his eyes and was surprised that he could make out shadow beside him. A squeeze of his hand by Light Arrow made him aware that they were watching over him and wouldn't allow him to choke to death. He had also heard Black Hawk's explanation to Harry and tried to breathe through his mouth as well.
Both boys thought they were finally going to make it when Crying Horse poured the first ladle of water over the hot stones. The stones hissed angrily, and a wave of heat hit both boys that made them both pull backwards again.
"Concentrate on your breathing, boys," Light Arrow instructed calmingly.
Harry had the feeling he was getting more water than oxygen into his lungs. Concentrate on my breathing? What breathing? I'm choking to death! When a hand grabbed his from Black Hawk's side, Harry felt the urge to throw himself at the man in the hope he could make it better. The sweat was dripping in his eyes, and he rubbed them feverishly until Black Hawk grabbed for his free hand as well.
"That makes it worse, Harry. If you feel you can't stand the heat, you can try to lean closer to the ground. It's colder there," Black Hawk said softly.
It wasn't so soft that Draco didn't hear it, and he tried immediately to lean down as well.
"Are you all right, Draco?" Light Arrow asked worriedly. It wasn't perfect that the boys already sat one seat deeper into the sweat lodge than originally planned. At the entrance it was much cooler and the kids who came from the cooler climates always had more problems because of the heat. Light Arrow tried to pry his hand out of Draco's grip, but the boy was having none of it.
"No!" Draco shouted.
"'No, don't let my hand go', or 'no, I'm not all right', Draco?" Light Arrow asked very worried now, alarmed by the panicking tone of Draco's voice.
The air down where Draco was now really felt much, much cooler. It was a relief to know that there was a place to escape the overpowering heat when needed. "No, don't let my hand go," Draco breathed.
"Okay," Light Arrow said, relieved. He saw Severus massaging Draco's neck with one hand. His eyes had finally adjusted enough to see the man and boys sitting at the opposite site of the sweat lodge. The boys looked very nervous, obviously not comfortable with the distress of Harry and Draco. Beside Red Horse, Harry looked even smaller and more vulnerable than he normally looked. At the moment, the boy had bowed down to the ground like Draco, and Black Hawk was massaging his neck. Harry's hand had somehow found its way to Red Horse's. Light Arrow grinned about the perplexed look on Red Horse's face. The man still couldn't believe that someone would like him and look to him for comfort besides his brothers, who knew him very well.
Black Hawk pulled Harry gently up. He stopped at the small protest immediately. "It's just for getting a bit calmer. You can sit straight for a while now."
The stern tone made Harry groan. His skin was sticky and wiping the sweat off didn't help because he hadn't anything dry to do it with. The sweat that was wiped away from his forehead was replaced by the sweat that had been on Harry's hand.
Draco was pulled up by Severus and Light Arrow. He didn't dare to protest. He had calmed down by now, knowing that he could breathe down there well enough. The next pouring wasn't as bad as the first one, but the next herb burning was just as bad as the first time. It stung in their noses and their heads. Both boys tried to lean down again, but were stopped by their neighbors. Finally, after the last pouring, Crying Horse instructed them to leave the sweat lodge for the first time.
Severus grabbed Draco's hand. "Come on, Draco." When he crawled into the tunnel, he let go of Draco's hand, in hopes that Draco would follow him.
The only thing that made Draco hesitate to leave the sweat lodge was that he had to let go of Light Arrow's hand – he was fine letting go of one, but not both.
Gently, Light Arrow pried his hand free. He flexed it to get the blood back into it. He definitely would need White Cloud's bruise slave this night.
Outside, Draco immediately pulled his arms around his chest to hide his scars. It was so very bright because of the campfire. "Come over here, Draco!" He heard Severus call him.
"Pour it first over your legs, then your arms and last over your chest and head," Severus instructed, handing him a dish filled with water from the barrels.
Meanwhile the rest of the men had crawled out of the sweat lodge and silently distributed themselves among the other two barrels. Light Arrow was the only one who shared the barrel with Draco and Severus.
While Harry cooled himself down, he shyly looked around. Aiden was still waiting to have his chance to cool himself with some water. He waited patiently with Crying Horse for his turn. His body was muscular, and Harry was sure all the girls would fancy him. Some faint scars were on his chest and arms, but they looked as if they came from fighting and not from torture. Brian's body was covered in little puncture mark scars. His arms and legs were covered with them; even his neck. Ken was free of scars except for a large one over his right arm and trailing onto his neck. Red Horse was covered in old whip marks and burn scars. Harry knew them too well form his own torture and from what he had witnessed in the dungeons. Black Hawk's body also was covered in scars, but they looked strange. A bit like Harry's scar on his forehead.
"Satisfied?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.
Harry blushed, realizing that he had been staring at Black Hawk's scars. "Sorry, I... I—"
Black Hawk chuckled. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, Harry." He ruffled Harry's sweaty hair. "You are still quite hot. Come on, use some more water!"
Draco meanwhile tried to melt between Severus and Light Arrow. He saw the curious looks the teens were throwing in his direction, even though they tried to do it secretly. He tried to cover himself as much of his body as possible.
When several attempt from Severus and Light Arrow hadn't helped to convince Draco to stop hiding and to use the time to cool his body, Light Arrow took the dish himself and started to pour the cold water over Draco.
Rose and White Cloud moved more hot stones from the campfire into the sweat lodge. When Draco's eyes fell on the letters that Light Arrow had written in the sand, he moaned. "I forgot that completely." He pointed at the round topics written down in the sand.
"That's not an issue. It's your first sweat lodge. Maybe you will remember it the second round, but if not that also isn't a problem," Light Arrow explained understandingly.
Neither Draco nor Harry were able to remember the round topics for the next two rounds. As soon as they were inside the sweat lodge, their brains just were busy with trying to stay calm. Several times Draco and Harry had to duck down for cooler air, but they remained silent. Light Arrow had decided that they didn't need to go further into the sweat lodge, so they remained in their places.
The last round was the hardest. Harry had the feeling the fumes from the herbs were really affecting his brain. He felt numb and a bit dizzy. When again herbs were burnt, the rustling from the herbs turned in another noise. A noise he had heard before, the sound of large wings and then there was a new sound, a scream. A high pitched scream from an animal, but Harry couldn't make out what kind of animal it was. He only knew it was a normal sound and not a sound of pain. Harry had almost forgotten about the totem thing, but now it was back full force. That must be my totem, but what is it? He remembered the eyes that had stared at him out of the fire. Again he heard the wings, and he concentrated to hear it better. The dizziness became worse, and he felt himself being pressed down against the ground by somebody. He couldn't make out from where the hands came. He dropped onto his side, a hand resting on his chest and his cheek against the cold ground.
Draco meanwhile didn't feel any better than Harry did. He gulped several times and hoped he wasn't going to throw up. He felt dizzy and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he was standing on a rock in front of a cliff, a cool wind blowing across his face. Around him was a thick forest and fireflies filled the air. He was confused when he realized how close he was to the ground. Suddenly, his body reacted without him controlling it and his head pulled backwards and his mouth opened to scream, but the sound that came out of his mouth wasn't a scream.
It was a loud howl.
So how did you like the sweat lodge ceremony?
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