38. Reassurance
The late spring breeze roamed across the grounds, blowing through Mora's chestnut curls roughly until they had become an utter mess. She knew her once neatly combed hair now resembled something closer to a bird's nest, but she shook the horror of her appearance out of her mind, returning to less pleasant thoughts. Mora rested near the edge of the lake as she dazed off into the horizon. Her eyes were unable to focus on one thing for more than a few moments, mirroring the restlessness of her mood.
Her jeans felt coarse against her skin, and the knees of the pants were completely faded. Mora hardly had any of her own clothes to wear when she wasn't in her uniform, due to her dangerous lack of money. Her one pair of jeans, two pairs of other pants, five shirts, and one skirt were becoming dangerously worn out. Mora knew her financial situation was dangerous, as she had very low funds given to her through an agency in the ministry. Her orphan status entitled her to a few galleons in the mail once a month, however it would abruptly end once she graduated from Hogwarts. Mora honestly did not care about that, considering the amount Mora received was so minuscule she did not understand why the ministry bothered to send her anything at all.
Mora sighed heavily, thoughts of money blowing out of her head just like the breeze. One pervading fact kept Mora aloof that Sunday afternoon. Kept Mora secluded the entire afternoon, to waste the day away in her own private torment. A certain, somewhat hooky holiday pervaded on this day, and although the residents of Hogwarts had no real way to celebrate this date, Mora still could not stand the swarm of owls launched from the castle every minute of the day, some seventh years popping in and out of the castle to spend a few precious hours at home to celebrate, it all made Mora feel alienated.
For other teenagers, this was another excuse to spend a day at home, doing whatever their mother wishes. Another day to empty your piggy bank for a present she'll probably hate anyways, but will appreciate the thought attached to it. And despite the entire effort of the holiday, other teenagers still did not understand how blessed they truly were. How their seemingly average day with their mothers was something Mora had never known. This Sunday afternoon was just another chance for the world to take their luck for granted. But for Mora, it was a day for an awkward, frustrating isolation.
It was Mother's Day.
Mora once had a family. A father, brothers, a sister, and for whatever short span of time, they were all with her. One by one they were picked apart, leaving Mora here today, alone and heartbroken. Yet despite her current situation, Mora had at least one memory of each of her family members. Several of her father, Ardien teaching her Quidditch, all of the Cartea children trying to sleep in the damp cabin, yet almost every image ended in Mora's dark reality.
The strongest pictures in Mora's mind were that of her family being ripped away from her, each murder that Mora witnessed a constant reminder of what price those close to her had to pay. Even though the memories turned scarring, she still had them. A little piece in her heart to remind her that they lived, all four of these Carteas walked the earth, loved her, died for her.
But the last Cartea eluded Mora's memory. The alpha female of the Cartea family, the primary protector and nurturer, her mother. The woman who brought Mora into this world. It dumbfounded Mora that someone who had to be so influential in her life still remained a mystery of her. Memories of the rest of her family already surfaced, why not one of her mother? Was it because of the side effects of a tempari? Or was it because even before Mora's first tempari, what if Mora never remembered her mother? What if growing up, Mora did not have the slightest inkling about her?
What had happened to Mora's mother? Had she died when Mora was just a baby, as her father had claimed? Had she been killed, fallen victim to the Death Eaters as the rest of the Cartea's had? Dying in order to protect the people she loved, or mistaken to be Mora and murdered for their physical resemblance like Clara had? Could her end be from something less sinister? Possibly natural causes, not a brutal slaughter? Was it even possible that she lead a somewhat normal life, before the Carteas were hunted down?
No matter how much Mora wanted to believe her mother died giving the ultimate sacrifice and loving her family with every ounce of her being, she could not rule out another possibility. The same destruction that befell millions of other families, why should Mora's have been any different? What if Mora's mother simply left? Walked out on her children and husband, abandoned them to be free once again? Did she pursue her life without her family, finally happy to be rid of them?
Mora groaned as she ripped a handful of grass out of the ground in frustration. How would Mora even now the truth? It's not as if Mora could even truly find the answers, not even Dumbledore knew exactly what time period her family existed in. There was no way to every discover what happened. Unless Mora suddenly had another memory explaining her mother's disappearance, she would remain clueless. Mora had only one memory since her seventh year began. She truly believed she had run dry in the past category, and decided she would have to accept that the very limited memories she possessed now would be the last of them.
"I thought I saw yer sneaking about back 'ere," a voice greeted, the ground beneath Mora shaking a bit as her friend sat beside her.
"I'm not sneaking," Mora defended lightly, although Hagrid was able to see straight through her.
"Right, which is why yer've been scampering about on ter grounds all day, and every time someone yer recognized came near, yer went off in the other direction," Hagrid disclosed.
"Are you spying on me or something?" Mora asked, diverting the attention off herself and onto another matter entirely.
"No...But I am the games keeper, Mora. I have ter be outside pretty often," Hagrid answered, "Now what's upsetting yer?"
"Nothing," Mora said sharply as she adverted her eyes back out to lake. "I just don't feel like being around people today, alright?"
Hagrid sighed, moving his gaze towards the horizon. "Nice weather today we 'ave," Hagrid said thoughtfully. Mora did not respond, and instead sat awkwardly beside Hagrid within her forced silence.
"I 'aven't seen my mum in years," Hagrid stated simply, "Not years, decades."
Mora snapped her head towards Hagrid. She never heard Hagrid speak about his family, she only knew that his father was a wizard, and his mother one of the last British giants. The only thing Mora did know was that in the time they were at Hogwarts together, both of Hagrid's parents were gone. Mora never wanted to press the matter with him, not wanting to hurt him or force him into remembering something he may have put behind him. Mora understood the pain that came with losing family, she knew she could be doing more harm than good by bringing up the topic.
"She left me an' my dad. Just up and abandoned us out 'a the blue," Hagrid said. He still looked before him, not returning Mora's gaze. "Never knew why. She died years ago."
"Do you remember her?" Mora asked softly.
"I remember she was awful big," Hagrid admitted, chuckling softly "Nah, she left when I was three. I guess that was just in 'er nature, can't really blame 'er. Nope, it's not like a giantess to tie herself down to a wizard forever. We got by without 'er though, then my dad passed on when I was in my second year 'ere."
Hagrid turned his eyes towards Mora, a small smile creased over his features. "Thank you, Hagrid," Mora said gently.
"Nah, don't you thank me," Hagrid grinned, "I was just honest with yer. I thought you'd be a bit down today, considering it's Mother's Day and all that."
"It's just so, so frustrating," Mora moaned as she leaned forward. "Everyone's just so bloody happy or indifferent or whatever today, and I'm beating myself up, going through my five or six memories just trying to pick up a bit of my mum. And each time I come up blank."
"There aint' no need for yer to beat yerself up, Mora," Hagrid offered. "It won't help yer learn anything about her."
"I just wish..." Mora said, "I wish I knew whether she loved me or not."
"That's something I can't tell yer, Mora," Hagrid said. "But, what I can say is she would had ter be crazy not to love you."
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Mora smiled gently as she inched her way further down the corridor. It was getting late, and an impromptu visit to the kitchens was sure to cheer Mora up. Her conversation with Hagrid by the lake did improve upon her mood, however she could not help but shake off the gloom that hung over her that day.
"Mind if I join you, milady?" a cheerful Sirius greeted. Mora spun around, expecting to the familiar troublesome face of Sirius Black. Yet, the corridor was seemingly deserted. "Under here," he explained. Instantly the image of Sirius appeared as the boy peeled James' invisibly cloak away.
"You'll give me heart attack with that thing, Black," Mora commented. "And what are you doing with that thing so early? What is it, ten o'clock?"
"Nine thirty actually," Sirius answered.
"So, why are you out here?" Mora repeated.
"Lily told me she hadn't seen you since she got back," Sirius explained quickly, "So I figured I'd come find you -"
"You figured," Mora said, "Meaning you don't like the idea of me walking the halls alone in the dark, do you?"
"Don't be angry -"
"I'm not Sirius," Mora said truthfully. "It was over a month ago, Sirius. I'm not saying I'm over it, Merlin no, sometimes I still think I -" Mora stopped herself quickly.
"Point is, Colton won't come near me. He doesn't know why he didn't get into any sort of trouble, but he's not about to press his luck. Trust me; I won't be bumping into him."
"That's not it, I just..." Sirius started, "Never mind. Let's just walk."
The two walked further, until Sirius finally broke the pleasant silence. "So where were you today?"
"Around," Mora answered quickly. She looked back to Sirius, who raised his eyebrows in his Sirius-Black-knows-all fashion.
Mora sighed, knowing Sirius could see straight through her dodge. "I just wanted to be alone, you know, today and all..."
"Mother's Day, not the most pleasant Sunday in my book either," Sirius said. "Of course Reggie went back to the old House 'O Black, the poor puppy that he is...Nope, not me, just got a few extra hours of sleep, pretended the study for like five minutes, and slept some more."
"Thrilling," Mora said dully.
"Better than avoiding your friends like the plague."
"I don't need to justify myself to you, Sirius," Mora snapped suddenly, wanting to drop the subject immediately.
"Don't mean to be nosy," Sirius began, slowing their pace. "That day, in Dumbledore's office, you told us about your family -"
"I remember," Mora said softly. She was not in the right mind at the moment to go back into her life story. She lived it, there was no need to relay every horrific detail to Sirius.
"It's just, the only other time we ever spoke about it was on Christmas, at the Potters'," Sirius continued, his normal haughty tone of voice melted away. He walked another step or two as he tried to gather his thoughts. "You know you can talk to me, anytime."
"Sirius, it was years ago..."
"You shouldn't have to do this alone, Mora," Sirius said suddenly, his emotion coming through his voice a bit harsher than intended. "I mean, you never talk about where you come from! Your family might as well be-"
"They're dead, Sirius," Mora said, with no expression in her voice. "It's done. There's nothing I can do. There's no point in it."
"It's just-you don't deserve the keep that all inside you, you're gonna blow, Mora," Sirius warned. "And now that we've joining the Order..."
"What do you think is gonna happen?" Mora asked sharply. "That one day I'll say Gee, my life sucks so much, I'm just going to march up to Voldemort with a big sign saying "Avada Kedavara me" on my back? Well thanks Doctor Black, but I think I can handle this."
"Mora, stop!" Sirius cut off your melodramatic monologue. "I don't think you're going to be suicidal, it's just, I -"
"Merlin Sirius! Just spit it out!"
"I CARE ABOUT YOU!" Sirius blurted out in frustration. "Okay, you're my friend, and I care about you. So sue me!"
Mora took a step back, unsure of how to react. Sure, she made true friends here in Gryffindor, something she had not known before her first tempari. But yet something in Sirius' voice sounded so foreign to Mora. She was rendered silent. Even though she did have friends, Mora often felt alienated, memories of Tom and her family keeping her past locked away from the world. And here Sirius was, so clueless and naive to the dark truth which encompassed Mora Cartea. Yet now, here he was, his heart open, his concern for Mora genuine.
"I hate to see you like this, when you're just, so..."
"Broken?" Mora echoed.
"I just don't want-"
But Mora interrupted Sirius' explanations, as instantly she threw herself into his arms, hugging him so tightly she was sure she would cut his circulation off. Little did she know how much that embrace truly meant to Sirius.