"You're Just A Small Bump Unborn, In Four Months You're Brought To Life, You Might Be Left With My Hair, But You'll Have Your Mothers Eyes. I'll Whisper Quietly, And Give You Nothing But Truth. You Are My One And Only, And You Can Wrap My Fingers Around My Thumb, And Hold Me Tight." – Ed Sheeran; Small Bump
Where could you start? When everything you had held value to, or had built up to something amazing, had disintegrated and turned to ash. Had been ripped from within your fingertips. How could you tell whether it was your fault in the first place when some much had happened in between.
He was a mess. He was angry. Distraught. Broken. Aching. And he hated her. Just as much as he loved her. He hated her for doing this to him, he hated her for being the person she was, and he hated her for taking away his child.
"You need to see her."
Cato ignored his mother, and continued to strip the rifle down, only to put it back together again. Repeating the cycle over and over, never becoming tired, for it turned his mind blank, pushed his thoughts to the deepest parts of his mind that he could almost forget. Almost. He had been furious to be left behind, but his training wasn't complete, he had needed to be there. Only looking back at it now, merely hearing through Doctors ad Hawthorne the events of the mission, he didn't think he could have.
"Don't you dare ignore me when I speak to you."
His hand gripped onto the weapon tightly, gritting his teeth, and halting in his actions. He kept his back to his mother, knowing that if he looked at her he would crack, because it was easier to ignore everything, it was easier to wrap yourself up in this little bubble as if everything else didn't exist.
"You need to see her. She's in critical condition, Cato. You need to see your- Cato look at me!"
He snapped, his large arm swiping at the tables entire contents of rifles and handguns, causing them all to crash to the ground and the sound resonated throughout the entire training room. Empty, hallow, lonely. It was out of hours. He swirled around to look at his mother, his eyes red rimmed, shadows beneath his eyelids, he was exhausted.
"What?! She's what, mom?! SHE'S NOTHING! SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, SHE'S NOT MY WIFE, SHE'S NOT ANYTHING! SHE LEFT ME!"
Ivy stared at her son, face impassive, yet not unsympathetic, tone soft, as if she had been waiting for this outburst. And she had. She knew her son, knew him better than anyone else in the world, and she knew despite his anger that his unconditional love for Faith was there, that it would only be a matter of time until he gave in.
"You both lost a child, Cato. You may hate her, she may have been reckless, but she was on her own through this. And you will be too if you don't go and see her. You'll need each other, that is the only way you can survive, that is the only way you can both rebuild."
"I- I can't even look at her," Cato had always prided himself in being emotionally strong, he had always thought that even through the worst he could keep himself together. Only with this he couldn't. "I've tried … I've tried so many times … and when I do I just think of what she took from me … what she took from us … I'm so angry."
It was funny, how he grieved for a child he had never know, for a child he had felt kick for a mere second, because she shut him out, because she refused to let him in.
"The fact of the matter is Cato, you were unfaithful and she was scared to trust you again, she was stupid to not tell you, she was stupid to think she would be capable of saving Peeta. You have both made unforgivable and stupid mistakes. But you love each other."
Ivy placed a hand on her sons cheek, he towered over her so easily, his six foot figure bending down as her palm rested there, stroking his jaw as tears streamed down his cheeks.
"When she wakes up and realises she no longer has a daughter," Ivy's voice cracked, her own blue eyes blurring with tears, "she will crumble so fast, she will lose all of her sanity. She needs you there Cato. And you need her."
"I just- I just want to go back to the beginning, Mom."
He let out a choked sob, falling to his knees, head buried into his mother's stomach, and it tore Ivy to her core, tore her beyond repair. To see your child suffer so severely, to see them endure pain that could not be removed, that was the worst thing a parent must watch.
"You will get through this, the both of you will. You have me, and you have Odair, and Karina."
He nodded, mostly because he didn't know what else to say, he was never good with words. Cato expressed himself physically, and that usually meant breaking a person or two. Words were new to him, he hadn't bothered with them until her, and he had been so close, for the second time, so close to losing her. He was a disaster, torn between loathing her for her recklessness and loss of their child, and desperation to simply hold her out of fear of losing her.
"Go and see her, Cato."
"Okay," he whispered shoulders sagging in defeat, "okay."
Gale stood by the hospital door, gazing into Faith's room through the door window, it was locked. He remembered her Games, remembered the impossibility of her strength, and the loss of her District partner. It was strange, seeing a District Two tribute turn the tables on everything they usually did, enemy to the career pack, getting a low training score, screaming in aguish with her loss. It was safe to assume that everyone knew she was different; a game changer. In fact he doubted there would have been much progress to the rebellion after that if she had not been involved in the Games, it was a major wake-up call, and she was their ticket to winning over District 2.
He remembered Katniss relaying her meeting with her not too long ago, at the Victory Tour, of how Faith was the only pleasant person, of the understanding that flashed through her eyes when Katniss had demanded her Mockingjay pin. Which, thanks to eventually retrieving Peeta, they now had back, that boy was impossible, despite all odds and his torture, he managed to hold onto it.
Katniss had said she opted to go after Peeta, without even a moments hesitate, and it seemed ridiculously crazy to Gale. What sane, pregnant, person would run into a suicidal situation like that? Katniss had put it simply. She understood. She knew what it would mean to lose him, and she didn't want to see anyone relive the same pain.
There was so many things wrong with this, it was a stupid stupid move, and she should have known better. But then what would anyone else have done? Peeta was just as important as Katniss, especially if they wanted to win. In the end it was a futile attempt, because they had both ended up taken. So Gale dreaded, for the moment when she eventually woke, to discover that she had lost her child, despite his promises of that not happening.
They didn't know each other, in fact those few minutes he did know her she was barely conscious. That promise he made, however, was a promise of the impossible, and despite that she believed him. That was why a connection was forged, nothing romantic, or platonic, just a simple connection. She didn't even know his name, and he doubted she would care for it any time soon.
Footsteps echoed down the empty hallway, and Gale raised his head to look to his left, not at all surprised by who had turned up. It was bound to happen sooner or later, he was entirely sure of the relationship between Cato and Faith or of their ordeals within the last year that had clearly led to the bad blood between them.
"Took you long enough."
Cato ignored his comment, face visible pale, yet expressionless, his jaw was set in a way where you could tell he was fighting to keep his composure. Gale wondered what it was like, to have your lover brought back, only to realise you had lost a child, and he wondered how Cato always seemed to be so self-composed. Or maybe he wasn't, maybe behind closed doors he was falling apart, a complete and utter disaster.
"How is she?" his tone was tense, strained, and caused Gale to frown in sympathy towards the bulky blonde.
"They've kept her sedated, because of the venom and Peeta attacking Katniss … they wanna make sure …" he trailed off, knowing Cato could fill in the blanks for himself.
Coin was taking deep precautions to avoid another situation like that, despite Gale's insistence that she had been fine when he rescued her, she was still wary. With the knowledge of Faith Willow's father, and Doctor Shaw's report on the slightly insane experiments her father had conducted, it would be twice as dangerous if she were to attack someone.
"She woke up on her own at one point, she was delirious and panicking, when she realised her abdomen had bandages wrapped around, and no bump there she became catatonic."
Gale saw Cato visibly wince out of the corner of his eye, guilt most likely setting in for not being there. She had screamed for him them, multiple times, only Gale thought it best to keep that to himself, there was no need to make him feel any worse. Now was not the time for that.
"She thought she was still in the Capitol, she thought that Snow had taken away the kid," he continued, his voice becoming as soothing as it possibly could, this wasn't Gale's area of expertise after all, "they've kept her sedated since then, she lashed out at one of the Doctors. I just think she needs a familiar face."
It was obvious who he was hinting to, and Cato did nothing but nod, placing his hand on the door knob.
"It's locked, Shaw will be down her later for when she wakes up … that's probably when it'll be best to be there."
They lapsed into silence after that, both occupied with their own thoughts, both blaming themselves in some sort of way over the turn of the events. Cato thinking if he hadn't screwed up, if he had tried harder, then they may have been here happy, with a daughter. A daughter, he thought to himself, and he made his chest constrict in the worst kind of pain, the pain that wasn't technically physical, but so unbelievably real that he couldn't find any way to describe it. They could have been a family, he could have been holding something so beautifully small in his hands, something that breathed, and had eyes like his own, wrapping her tiny fingers around one of his own, hair like her mother.
He clenched his eyes shut, fighting away the wave of emotions that always came over him when he thought of her. The child he never got to hold, or feel move around in her mother's stomach, a child that he never got to call his own.
He was always a firm believer in things always happened for a reason, but he couldn't with this. He couldn't. His little girl, and the fact he had come to nickname his child that caused the anguish to only deepen, mourning a loss over someone he never really had in the first place worsened it. There were so many things wrong about this, because it should have been a happy time, she should have been born into a world where she had a family that loved her.
But he had to move past this, if he wanted any form of a happy future he had to, he needed to pick himself up and keep going. Because the only form of a happy future he could see was with Faith, and he couldn't do that if he hated her.
"She'll be confused most likely, possibly panic, but as long as you're here I think she'll remain relatively calm."
Cato nodded to the Capitol Doctor, unable to look at him as he stared at her bruised face, fiery red hair fanned out around her. Even then, she looked sickeningly beautiful, and completely broken. His hand was placed on top of her own, where it lay by her side on her hospital bed, sheets tucked neatly around her.
"Why won't they heal her caesarean stitches?"
A long pause went by after Cato spoke, eyes still trained on Faith's sleeping form, waiting for her to wake at any moment. He heard the Doctor take a deep breath, as if unsure of whether Cato would like to hear it, before he finally spoke.
"Because of her … abilities … and due the incident with the Mellark boy, they want to keep her as immobile as possible until they are sure she is completely in a healthy frame of mind."
Ah, Cato thought, her abilities. Another secret she had kept from him. So many. Some he wasn't sure whether she kept from him out of spite, or if it was to simply protect him. That if he knew too much it could endanger him; he hoped this belonged to the former. After the initial shock and explanation from Doctor Shaw on how it was scientifically possible, he descended into a pit of rage, rage for more than just that reason.
He shook the memories away, knowing there would be a time to talk about that, but not now. Not yet.
It was a while longer until Faith actually begun to stir, fingers twitching, face twisting into a frown as if a migraine had formed, and eventually her eyes begun to open. Cato was attentive, not wanting to appear happy just yet, not wanting to let everything out only for her to become wild and attack. She didn't do that. Instead she stared; simply stared at him as he stood, hand still gripping her own small one, as she stared at him.
She attempted to sit up, needing help as she whimpered in pain over her stomach, her free hand resting there as if to cushion the pain. Both Cato and Doctor Shaw helping her up silently, she eventually settled, continuing to stare at Cato, as if he weren't real. As if she thought the entire thing was a hallucination. Slowly, she reached her palm out to him, and Cato held in a breath as she did so, her eyes still wide as ever so slowly, her fingers made contact with his cheek.
Involuntarily Cato leaned into the touch, his eyes shutting as he remembered the last time he had been in such close proximity with Faith, the skin on her palm soft, but cold to touch. When he opened his eyes, he found Faith's green ones boring into his, an onslaught of emotions and words passing through that simple gaze. She pulled him to her then, lips crashing into each other clumsily, yet firmly.
His hands wrapping around her upper arms as he pulled her closer, while both of hers held onto his face. Gasps of relief and sobs escaped her lips between each kiss, as if she had never been so relieved until now, and the constant whispers of 'I love you' exchanged between them never felt like enough.
Cato rested his forehead against her own; his previous resentment towards her had been replaced with elation and love, and hope that maybe they could pull through this. Doctor Shaw cleared his throat, grabbing their attention as they both looked to him, still wrapped up within each other, while the Doctor offered a friendly but awkward smile.
"I'm glad to see you're awake and healthy Faith."
"Thank you," she whispered quietly, her attention not entirely on him as she turned back to Cato, her eyes alight with happiness, it startled him, "when can I see her?!"
A tense silence filled the room as Cato let her words sink in, his face contorting into confusion, brows furrowing.
"Who?"
"What do you mean 'Who'?! Our little girl."
He stiffened shoulders rigid and jaw tense, and that excruciating pain that he constantly kept at bay pushed through like a train wreck, crashing into him and shredding his heart. He took in a deep breath, forcing himself to keep his face calm, neutral voice as attentive as it could be. Faith just looked so … so content … so thankful with everything, as if she had had a lucky escape. She truly believed that Gale had met his promise, that he had gotten both her and her child to safety, that she could actually have a future.
"There was so many things I planned to call her, but nothing seemed right-"
"Faith..."
"-I tried all the generic ones; Rose, Alice, Catherine, Lena, Violet-"
"Faith.. please listen-"
"-but nothing seemed right, nothing felt like it fit, but then it came to me," she countered every interruption of Cato's with her own, her hands sliding away from his face to rest in her lap, "she was the best thing that had ever happened to me, to us, and it felt like a gift."
"Faith, I need you to-"
"Isidora! It means gift in an ancient language, I'm not really sure which one … but I felt like she was a gift-"
"Faith!" Cato raised his voice only slightly, not wanting to startle her, and she blinked in surprise at his outburst, unsure of why he would interrupt her at such a moment, "you need to listen to me."
"Okay."
She replied uneasily, looking back to Doctor Shaw, his face contorted into that of a sympathetic expression, but also pained, much more pained that a Doctor should be over a patient, only Faith was no ordinary patient to him. She was the daughter of his only friend, a man he adored and admired, and he could only imagine the type of pain it could cause a parent to see their child suffer so.
"Faith," Cato tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, attempting to comfort her in some sort of way, and himself, to reassure him that was still really here, "you … you miscarried while they tried to get you out … they tried a caesarean but-" his voice cracked and he found it more and more difficult to look her in the eye as he continued on, afraid of the pain he would see fall through, "she was gone by the time they pulled her out. She died, Faith."
The silence that descended in the room was one so painful, that Cato almost wanted her to scream in anguish, just so it could drown out his own pain.
I have no idea whether this is bad or good, if I'm honest but I wanted to get it done and out for you all. I feel like a terrible person for the way I've handed this story, and despite me tweaking a lot of things about this chapter, I still believe it served it's purpose. I hope it didn't kill you too much.
My reasoning for killing Faith's baby is that I truly don't find it realistic if she had lived, and I also want Faith to learn from this. We all know she did a very very stupid thing by jumping head first into that train, and in the real world a decision like that would come with extremely dire consequences, and I believe her losing Isidora was exactly something that would have happened. If she escaped everything without the correct 'punishment' (for lack of better words) she will never learn and grow, in this case, as a parent. She's still slightly selfish, and too stuck on being a hero. I hope I didn't hurt you too much, but I have quite a few things planned in store for Faith, I'll send a warning now that it may be difficult to read as I will base Faith's grievance and idea of handling this situation in very real and difficult ways.
Oh and to the anon who spoke about TFIOS, of course I've read it! RIGHT IN THE FANGIRL. I will never be okay with that fucking book, it destroyed my whole entire soul. Evil John Green is evil.
But I still love the book.