Whew. Hello people. Sorry I'm late, I'm trying to get back on the updating track...
KaiLover: :D Thanks! And do you? … you shall have to wait and see.
Cascade of Raining Ice: Hmm, interesting theory. Like Ripple XD?
Rainmist: ?
Splash of Thunder in Mist: We shall see!
Snowcrystal: Duh. It's so obvious.
Starrysong: XD OOohkay, chill.
Once more, the rest of my life is telling me it's important. And yeah, sometimes it is, but fanfiction's important too. So I'm not going to stop updating as often as possible.
Disclaimer: I do not own warriors. Disclaimer #2: Dark themes (Mention of suicide)
Chapter 36.
My goodness it is cluttered in here. Ripple remarked, making a noise like he was settling down. How do you keep everything straight? And wow that's a lot of daydreams about Breezepaw. How much do you know about this cat, anyways?
Enough. Darkpaw snapped abruptly. Can't you be quiet for a few heartbeats while I listen to what's going on?
Fiiiiine. Ripple drawled. Don't see why you'd want to, though. You're already a better fighter than all these apprentices.
Darkpaw ignored him, but her fur warmed a little at the compliment. It was strange to her how Ripple could spark more emotion in her in a heartbeat than the whole Clan could in a moon…
Even after Ashmask and the newly named Lostbird released Mudpaw from the medicine den, she still couldn't fully participate in training, wary of opening the gigantic gash on her side. She'd had a concussion that had prevented her from remembering nearly anything that had come before the accident with the fox so Feathermist had had her work cut out for her in rebuilding all of the lost training.
They had managed, but Poolpaw was so far ahead of her sister with Ravenwing carefully overseeing her training and her own natural talent that Mudpaw was often seen moping around the territory, avoiding talking to any cat. It cut Darkpaw to the bone to see her close friend depressed.
"Darkpaw, are you even listening?" Ivystar demanded sternly.
Oops. She thought. Nope.
"Sorry, Ivystar," she ducked her head, embarrassed.
"Can you tell me how you would challenge a rogue that you found inside our borders?" Ivystar asked, narrowing her pale green eyes at the little calico.
"Er… maybe attack them with the leap and hold so I-" she was interrupted by her sister.
"No no, first you should ask them why they're there!" Lionpaw exclaimed. "They might need help."
"That's why I'd use the leap and hold; if they wanted to attack me, they wouldn't be able to, but they wouldn't be injured either and they would be able to talk," Darkpaw told her sister irritably.
"Now, Darkpaw, violence isn't always the answer," Ivystar chided, smiling warmly at Lionpaw.
"They might assume you are aggressive and that they must defend themselves!"
I don't think that violence is always the answer. I just think it's a good substitute for
getting shredded because you're a happy-go-lucky kit that assumes every cat is her friend. Darkpaw thought, annoyed. And how come you're leaping to Lionpaw's defense?
You know Ivystar never had a mate, right? Ripple asked. Nope. Apparently you didn't know that. Huh.
Don't rummage around in my mind without permission! Darkpaw snapped internally.
Anyways, Ivystar never had a mate. You think she might have wanted to be a mother at some point? Ripple asked rhetorically. Of course she did. Kits are great when they're not killing off your true love as you watch helplessly from StarClan after she didn't tell you you were going to die since you broke off the relationship and got together with her sister- uh, anyways, Ivystar probably-
Hang on, what's all that about- Darkpaw's curious interjection was interrupted by Ripple.
Hasn't any cat taught you it's rude to interrupt? He interrupted. What I was saying was, Ivystar probably thinks of Lionpaw as the daughter she never had.
Why would any cat want her as a daughter? Darkpaw asked, disgusted.
When it's you as the other option… Ripple trailed off dryly.
Darkpaw didn't dignify his snark with an answer. Perhaps Lionpaw was more sociable, but Darkpaw knew that she was too selfish and self-absorbed to really be a good cat. Or at least, a better cat than me.
She was trying to glare at her sister from across the clearing, but the shimmer on her golden pelt and her black paws confused her. Breezepaw… Her mind whispered. Lionpaw turned her head and her golden eyes were glinting at her. Lightningpaw! She suddenly thought, a little jolt running through her as she forced a shaky smile at her sister. She looks like… a cat with Breezepaw's pelt and Lightningpaw's eyes.
Like their daughter. Ripple murmured darkly.
Daughter. Kit. Mates. The words thrummed in her head, clouding her vision slightly. Breezepaw. Lightningpaw.
An image bore down on her, of sunlight beaming down onto Lightningpaw and Breezepaw, their tails twined, as Darkpaw was slumped over in a shadowy forest, her shoulders heaving as she sobbed. No! That's not going to happen; she doesn't deserve him. He's mine. And I'm his. He just doesn't know it yet.
Whatever you say… Ripple said, amused.
"Darkpaw!" Ivystar snapped.
Jolting up straight, she shook her head quickly to bring her senses back to herself.
"Darkpaw, pay attention or leave," Ivystar growled, glaring at her.
"Bye," she said abruptly, turning around and walking into the forest.
"Darkpaw!" Ivystar yowled furiously after her. "You need to know this!"
"And I do!" She threw back.
Ivystar didn't say anything, either too far or too mad. Who cares. I know it all anyways. Why doesn't Ivystar get that we've already learned it all?! Just make us warriors already!
You can't just walk out! Ripple warned. You'll never be allowed to go to the Gathering like this!
I'll just follow the patrol. Darkpaw snapped silently. It's not that hard. Who needs permission? None of them understand.
Oh StarClan, when you sent me to do this, I didn't think I'd have to deal with an angsty apprentice who thinks she's better than every cat. Ripple huffed to himself.
Go die. Darkpaw snapped viciously.
Sorry, sweetheart, a little late for that one. Ripple laughed harshly, his presence disappearing from her mind.
Good riddance. She thought, a low growl building in her throat.
Finally, she let herself fall apart. Now that there wasn't any cat to see her, it didn't matter.
Sobs began to bubble out of her throat. She couldn't stand to be reminded of the broken, awful world. Ivystar favoured Lionpaw at every turn, her fight for Breezepaw seemed to more lost every day, and Mudpaw was hardly even a cat anymore, just a hollowed out shell that couldn't feel emotions. She wandered around like a ghost, looking perpetually weak and exhausted.
It broke Darkpaw's heart. Mudpaw had been so full of life, so innocent and beautiful. And now she was broken, and it was all her fault. The fox, the blood, and Mudpaw's awful scream echoed around Darkpaw's head day and night.
The day was filled with terrible thoughts and memories of the moment when Mudpaw's spirit had been broken, the moment when Darkpaw knew she couldn't protect her, couldn't stop any of it.
The night was filled with nightmares of the moment, featuring a horrifying cast of her dead siblings and mother and Mudpaw's broken body. All seven of them twisted and murderous, screaming it was Darkpaw's fault, it was all her fault…
She collapsed on the forest floor, sobbing and blubbering, all of her dignity shredded, her emotions in tatters. StarClan, please, if there's anyway, let it be me. Let me replace her. Darkpaw prayed, the words on her tongue but emerging from her mouth as broken cries. Let me be the one to get hurt.
Every time she saw Mudpaw, it was just another agonizing reminder of her failure. Mudpaw could barely walk straight, the slash on her side still deep and unhealed. It wasn't infected, thank StarClan, but it had been more a moon and there was still no sign of healing. Ivystar wasn't sure she would ever be a warrior.
Some warriors had been speculating that she wouldn't survive leaf-bare in her weakened state. Darkpaw wanted to claw out their throats.
Or throw them in the ground and hope the shadows devour them. She thought darkly, remembering the stormy night, the split in the ground, the squirrel skeleton. If that's even possible. Did I imagine it?
The curiosity was barely a pang, but it was the first emotion she'd felt in a long time, and she welcomed it. Will it happen again if I try?
She screwed her eyes up, trying to remember the night exactly.
She had placed her paws facing away from each other… and then pushed? Her legs were shaking with the effort of trying to pull the earth apart, but the dirt remained peacefully still, not even a grain of sand moving out of pity for her pathetic attempt.
Of course it didn't work. I probably just hallucinated. Darkpaw curled her lip. There's no point. I'm just a ShadowClan apprentice. I'm not anything special; my destiny isn't to have some great romantic story with Breezepaw, it isn't a beautiful tale of friendship with my horribly crippled friend, and it certainly isn't some fantasy world where I have magic powers. I'm just an especially weak ShadowClan apprentice who will live, then die, and no one will remember her. She ripped each thought into herself, feeling the ice twist and grow, freezing colder than ever.
She hadn't realized that tears were welling up until they were spilling down her cheeks, slicking her fur down and freezing in the cold wind.
"Arrrgh!"
Crack!
She looked down and there it was.
The same crack as before, but…
Bigger.
…
You have to go to the Gathering.
Go away.
You have to go to the Gathering. You have to. Ripple repeated, sounding a little frustrated.
Leave me alone! Darkpaw thought, picturing herself standing over a dead Ripple.
Threats don't work, I'm already dead. They made quite sure. Had to kill me nine times. Took a while, but they did it. Persistent little buggers, Torn. Ripple snickered. Eh, I'm probably more useful now than I ever was. She would agree.
Who would agree? What are you nattering about? Darkpaw demanded, irritated by her lack of knowledge about anything that Ripple was prattling on about.
Not important. Ripple said abruptly. You have to go to the Gathering.
Not this again. I'm not going; who cares? Darkpaw glared at the ground.
STARCLAN CARES BECAUSE EVERY CAT IS GOING TO DIE UNLESS I GET THIS RIGHT! Ripple exploded.
Silence.
Uh, yeah. Ripple breathed out slowly. So. Gathering.
Fine. A little in shock, Darkpaw gave up fighting him and simply turned away from the crack in the ground. I'll go.
Ah, would've been good to know that cats listen to you when you start spouting what probably sounded like lunacy… Ripple remarked rather rancidly.
Darkpaw sighed heavily, wiping away the salty tears still hanging by the edges of her eyes. Let's go, then.
Don't forget to make Breezepaw fall for you. Ripple prodded.
Why do you care so much? She rounded on him.
I don't care, StarClan does. And since I'm technically part of them- I think? -I have to care. Ripple informed her, creating more new questions than answers.
Real helpful. Darkpaw drawled sarcastically.
Just go. Ripple snapped.
Aye aye, captain. Darkpaw sneered, setting off towards the island.
…
By the time she reached the island, Darkpaw had worked up a sweat and was breathing hard. A moon hadn't done much for her scrawny growth. Lionpaw, on the other paw, looked like an actual lion.
Stupid Lionpaw. Darkpaw seethed.
Forget Lionpaw, go find Breezepaw! Ripple snapped.
Bossy furball. Darkpaw shot back.
She sighed, heading across the Gathering clearing in search of a certain gold and black pelt.
Instead…
"Darkpaw?!"
ARRRGH NOT HER AGAIN. Darkpaw screeched in her mind, but there was no use. Besides, it would only work to her advantage to gain Lightningpaw's trust. Keeping the thought firmly planted in her mind, she pasted a smile of dry amusement over herself.
"You look delighted to see me," she remarked dryly. "How's ThunderClan?"
"Same as ever. How's ShadowClan?" Lightningpaw said with a sigh.
"The same," Darkpaw nodded.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Lightningpaw droned.
Was that a joke? I think that was supposed to be a joke… She realized.
"Er… ha ha ha ha!" Darkpaw squawked, far too late for it to be appropriate.
Lightningpaw smiled anyways. Not wanting to dwell on her awful reaction to the 'joke', she quickly added, "Well, Pinepaw and Ratpaw had their warrior ceremonies delayed because of a certain brilliant idea to go hunting on ThunderClan territory."
When Lightningpaw just looked at her, she added, "And my best friend-"
Too much! Stop! Argh, don't tell that shallow princess about Duskpaw! Darkpaw hissed at herself. Don't tell her about Duskpaw!
"Pinepaw and Ratpaw, huh?" Lightningpaw obviously sensed the awkwardness. "I think I might have been on the patrol that caught them. They were chasing squirrels into bushes and then acting surprised when they couldn't fit into the same holes the squirrels could."
"Really. Sounds like something they would do," Darkpaw rolled her eyes, hoping Lightningpaw wouldn't take it the way she actually meant it. "They barely made it back to camp before it started raining. Too bad they didn't get caught; soaked Pinepaw would be funny."
Lightningpaw purred in agreement. Not a single thing to say, huh? Darkpaw bit her lip. Ugh. I don't want to have to fill in the silence every time!
Suddenly, her ears perked up. Leaders.
"I think the leaders are starting," she muttered, exhausted of the conversation.
"Ugh," Lightningpaw snorted, and Darkpaw thought for a moment that Lightningpaw felt the same way about her until… "Thornstar is probably going to-"
"Quiet down!" Reedtail of RiverClan snapped at them. He looked vaguely familiar… but… "Some of us are trying to listen to the leaders!"
Suddenly, Wavepaw popped up behind the elder's shoulder.
"Reedtail, why don't you come sit by me?" Wavepaw invited smoothly. "I have a great spot. The leaders haven't started yet, so we'll have lots of time."
As he left, he threw a wink over his shoulder.
The pointless, dry conversation with Lightningpaw, the fury at Wavepaw's obvious progress with Lightningpaw after he totally failed at befriending Breezepaw and abandoning Darkpaw's plan combined caused all of the rage to boil over Lightningpaw.
"He winked at me!" He winked at Lightningpaw, she silently corrected herself, knowing she couldn't give away her real fury. "The audacity of that tom knows no bounds!"
Calm down! She berated herself, breathing in deeply. Calm. Caaaalm.
"ThunderClan will start!" Thornstar announced.
Your father was probably a mouse and your mother likely smelled of pinesap! Darkpaw jeered silently, remembering how pathetic he had acted at the last few Gatherings. Go back to your mommy!
Forget this hairball, go find Breezepaw! Ripple pressed.
Ugh, I'm going, I'm going. She sighed, turning her paws away from the great tree.
She scanned the clearing for that familiar, moonlit pelt of sun, and there he was. Just looking at made her heart jump, but she steeled her nerves and put one shaky paw in front of the other, squinting in concentration.
"Breezepaw!" She exclaimed, hating how immensely enamoured with him she sounded. "I haven't seen you in moons!"
Then she was face to face with him, and she felt like she was floating. His head tilted a little as he grinned with the power of the sun and she was melting, falling, dying. And loving every heartbeat of it.
"It's only been one," he reminded her, but purred.
Felt like longer, her heart murmured to him.
"Hey Darkpaw, how've you been?" He asked.
Okay, just answer normally. Ripple directed.
Don't need your help! Darkpaw snapped, feeling her tongue try to tie itself up.
"Clearly not as good as you!" She managed, bumping his shoulder. The connection send sparkles through her fur. "Look at you; all grown up. It's like standing next to a tree."
You sound like his grandmother. Ripple jabbed.
SHUT UP! Darkpaw raged.
"Oh, come on," he rolled his eyes, but he looked rather pleased. "I'd say the same to you… but you haven't grown at all."
"Oh, shut up," she snarled playfully, trying to keep the giddiness in her voice to a minimum. "I have too. Look, I can see you without tilting my head so far up that I break my neck!"
"Barely," he joked, making a big show of staring down his muzzle at her.
Their eyes connected, and it was taking all of Darkpaw's strength to stay on her paws. He examined her with bright eyes for a few heartbeats that didn't drag on nearly long enough, but Darkpaw soon sensed it was time to break the silence.
"So how's WindClan?" She blurted.
Dang it, you were getting somewhere! Ripple cried out like it was actually physically painful for him to see her ruin the moment. Darkpaaaaaaw.
"They're, we're, uh, good," he stammered.
He referred to WindClan as separate to himself… she noted with a pang of uncertainty. Why? Oh StarClan, he isn't planning to run away with Lightningpaw, is he?!
I think you may be reading a little too far into that. Ripple reassured her, snickering to himself.
"And how's ShadowClan?" Breezepaw offered.
"Wonderful," she felt a little devilish glee. "So many secrets and such delightful gossip."
He threw his head back and purred, and in that instant, Darkpaw realized something. I can never let Lightningpaw have him. Never. If I have to take him away, if I have to kill her, ANYTHING if it means she can't have him… I love him.
The clarity was so bright it almost hurt.
"Wouldn't have pegged you as the gossip cat," he noted, and Darkpaw remembered they were still having a conversation, not declaring their undying love to each other.
"There's plenty you don't know about me... Breezy," she rounded her eyes, but still quirked one eyebrow, uncertain as to how he would react to the nickname that Wavepaw had given him.
It worked! She thought, ecstatic. He looked lost but regarded her as though she had just found him. Then suddenly, the whole look cleared away and it was replaced with a blank look, as though something had reminded him… or some cat. It was her.
She couldn't stop her eyes from narrowing, remembering her opponent, but she quickly pasted a mask of pleasant interestedness over it.
"My denmate, Primrosepaw, has been after the deputy," she revealed, leaning in and hoping to make him forget her. "She's a real…"
Bend the truth. Make him jealous. Ripple urged her.
"Romantic. Always trying to matchmake me up with my Clanmates," she looked away, hoping to mask her hopeful expression.
It was a lie, of course, but who said Breezepaw had to know that? A little bit of jealousy never killed a tom. She waited patiently for his reaction, but all he said was,
"I wish her good luck in her battle to win… what's his name? Crowflight or something?" Breezepaw joked.
"Ravenwing," Darkpaw corrected, feeling her heart sink at his lack of jealous reaction to the Primrosepaw comment. "Lizard-brain. That's what your name should be, Lizardbrainpaw. Suits you."
Forget about Lightningpaw! Her mind called out to him, but he said nothing except,
"Uhuh."
"Primrosepaw will never be Ravenwing's mate," she changed the subject easily. "He's like, a million moons older than her."
"And what if she suddenly ages?" He offered.
"I hardly think that she ever would have-" She was interrupted, and as soon as she saw by who, her claws slid out a growl hovered in her throat, begging to be released.
Lightningpaw. Enemy. Lightningpaw. Kill her. Her mind whispered. Kill her, kill her!
"Heeeey, Darkpaw," she smiled with all the sweetness of a badger. "Breezepaw, can I borrow you for a couple heartbeats?"
"Sure?" He sounded confused… but trusting.
So it takes her about THREE HEARTBEATS to do what takes ME about A MOON?! HOW IS THAT FAIR?! She demanded silently. Breezepaw's mine, back off!
Go to Wavepaw. Ripple instructed. Try again. He can befriend Breezepaw, he's about to have a weak moment.
But-
Don't waste it! Quicky now, he's over by the great tree on RiverClan's side. Ripple ordered, sounding like a leader.
She dashed over to where Ripple had pinpointed, and sure enough, there was the silver, back-stabbing lizard.
"Hey," she forced through her tightly clenched teeth.
"Darkpaw," he greeted, narrowing his eyes at her.
She inspected him for several heartbeats, waiting for him to be uncomfortable.
"I've rethought my earlier statement," she declared diplomatically.
"Which one?"
"I believe we may be able to help each other after all."
…
After giving Wavepaw the instructions to go befriend Breezepaw and not take no for an answer, she felt like maybe things weren't doomed after all.
Maybe I should go back to my own Clan, enough of this nosiness. She thought to herself, stifling a purr.
She looked over her shoulder, spotting Robinpaw with another apprentice, who seemed to be from WindClan, judging by the smell rolling off of him. He's Rabbitpaw, I think… Darkpaw thought, trying to place the familiar brown and white pelt in her memory. Maybe Robinpaw's friends with him.
"I just want to talk to you!" A voice sounded from nearby.
Who is that? He was the one who came over asking about Pinepaw, right? But why? And who's he talking to? Darkpaw wondered. It couldn't be Pinepaw, she's stuck at camp for hunting on ThunderClan territory…
"And I told you, I don't know who you are!" A very familiar voice greeted Darkpaw's ears. "Leave me alone, creep!"
"I- you don't remember me at all?" The first voice reminded her of Wavepaw slightly, but it definitely wasn't him, it was a cat much older. "Are you sure?"
Leave. Ripple suddenly growled. Go! Leave!
What's gotten into you? She wondered.
LEAVE! You'll wreck everything! Quick, before you hear anything else! Ripple sounded like he was having a panic attack. RUN!
Okay, okay, I just don't get what's going on! Darkpaw told him. I know that tom, he's the one who was looking for Pinepaw last Gathering!
Or was he… Ripple said darkly.
Darkpaw shrugged off Ripple's strange behaviour and walked away from the gray and white tabby tom and Lionpaw.
…
"So who did you talk to?" Robinpaw asked, falling into step alongside her.
"Some apprentices from WindClan," she answered vaguely.
"Oh yeah? Me too," Robinpaw studied her and she felt a little uneasy.
He's hiding something… Darkpaw thought, unsure of exactly what 'something' might be.
"Well, it was fun," Robinpaw shrugged. "I like Gatherings, even if this one meant that we all got to listen to Thornstar go on a tirade about RiverClan."
"He what?" Darkpaw asked absently.
"StarClan, Darkpaw, did you even listen to him?" The brown tom purred in amusement. "You know, there are important things happening…"
"There are always important things happening," Darkpaw said dismissively.
"War is brewing, and I don't think any cat's safe," his different coloured eyes were troubled. "At least I won't have to fight Rabbitpaw…"
"And I won't have to fight Breezepaw," Darkpaw added, not certain of where he was going. "Uh, who would be fighting who, exactly?"
"You really didn't listen, did you," it wasn't a question. "Thornstar accused RiverClan of spying on their camp, claiming that he found scents right outside the camp."
"Outside the camp?!" She was suddenly alert. "But- RiverClan's on the other side of the lake!"
"Which Ivystar and Spottedstar helpfully pointed out," Robinpaw looked faintly amused by her outburst, but the amusement was quickly shadowed with worry. "Which Thornstar responded to by accusing us and WindClan of not have frequent or competent patrols…"
"Oh StarClan," Darkpaw breathed. "I take it Ivystar wasn't pleased."
"Not exactly," Robinpaw bit his lip. "The Gathering ended… and I think ThunderClan's going to try to attack RiverClan."
"What?! No way!" Darkpaw protested. "He wouldn't!"
"I don't know, Darkpaw, I don't know…" he looked downright terrified at the prospect of war. "Every cat knows that ThunderClan has always taken WindClan's side, and RiverClan and ShadowClan have had alliances in the past… but I think WindClan might fight with us this time. It would be a three on one…"
"That's not a fight, that's a massacre," Darkpaw breathed.
OH NO. Ripple suddenly screeched. It's happening! But- but it was so unlikely! I thought I guided-
What? What's going on? Darkpaw demanded, thrown into panic by his sudden fear.
It's Mud- er, Duskpaw! You have to get to the lake! The spot where there's the little cliff, you know the spot! Ripple hissed. Just run! Robinpaw won't be too bothered! If she- you'll- THIS IS VERY VERY BAD.
What's happening? Darkpaw demanded again, but quickly turned her paws away from the path leading to camp and instead heading for the spot that Ripple was describing.
She knew the spot. Apprentices were warned away from it because it was a little grassy hill that cut away sharply onto the lake, a deep cove with choppy waters. The spray from the waves on a particularly windy day like this one would coat the grass in a layer of slickness, ensuring slipping from a cat not cautious enough.
Hurry! Ripple snapped.
"Where are you going?" Robinpaw demanded, chasing after her.
Uh-oh, he's following me! Darkpaw snapped to Ripple.
Good, that's good, the future isn't going to- okay, say exactly this- 'Follow me, there's no time to waste!' Ripple ordered her, panic clawing its way through his voice.
"Follow me, there's no time to waste!" She called to Robinpaw.
Now if he says- Ripple was cut off by Robinpaw.
"Where are you going?" Robinpaw asked, genuine concern in his voice.
Good, good, this is good. We might not fail. Now don't stop running, you're almost there! Ripple screeched. Say 'No time to explain, Mudpaw's about to do something she's going to regret.'
The words sent a chill down Darkpaw's spine, but she repeated them to Robinpaw.
"What?" Robinpaw exclaimed, sounded horrified. "We have to hurry!"
Ah, this tom has a little sense. Ripple exclaimed. You're almost there! There it is! Now don't spook her, she's volatile. I can't tell you what to do here, you have to handle yourself…
The words to ask Ripple what she was doing died in her throat.
Mudpaw's silhouette was lit by the moon as she stood, still as stone, above the water.
Her paws were poised above the slippery grass, glistening in the moonshine.
"Duskpaw!" She cried.
"Darkpaw?" Mudpaw's voice was dark and blank. "Don't try to stop me. I need to."
"Mudpaw?" Robinpaw's uncertain voice moved slowly.
"Duskpaw," Darkpaw corrected, glaring at him. "It's Duskpaw."
Robinpaw nodded, not questioning her.
"What are you doing?" Darkpaw asked, the words dragging out of her throat like thorns.
"Fixing things," Mudpaw's mew was darker than the night. "It will be better for every cat when I'm gone. Poolpaw, Quailfeather, Vinestem, the lot of them. They don't care, so I'm going to disappear. I can't live like this, Darkpaw, don't you understand what it's like?! Walking feels like I'm dying, so I might as well!"
Terror throbbed through Darkpaw. She's going to try to drown herself. Oh StarClan, she's trying to kill herself! Ripple, what's happening?!
He was silent.
"Duskpaw," her voice shook. "Duskpaw, don't do this!"
"It's not Duskpaw," Mudpaw breathed raggedly. "My name is Mudpaw. Worthless as mud."
"You're not worthless!" Robinpaw protested.
Darkpaw shot a grateful look at him.
"Duskpaw, I know it feels like there's nothing here. I know you feel alone, broken," Darkpaw forced the words out of her throat, knowing they sounded empty and hollow. "You're not! You're Duskpaw, and I care about you. I don't want you to leave. You're going to be my deputy, remember?"
"That's never going to happen," Mudpaw's voice was hollow. "It will be better for every cat when I'm dead. They'll find me, they'll mourn, and they'll move on. Just let me go!"
"NEVER!" Darkpaw howled. "Duskpaw, you're my best friend! I love you! I don't want to lose you!"
She had broken down into ragged sobs at this point. She doesn't want to live. Ripple told her. She might hate you if you try to stop her.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE HATES ME, SHE CAN CURSE ME TO THE DARK FOREST IF IT MEANS I DON'T HAVE TO BURY HER BY THE END OF THIS. Darkpaw screamed at him.
"You can't die! If you don't- if you don't want to live for yourself, then at least do it for me!" Darkpaw cried, the ice in her chest feeling like it was melting and being replaced with fire, burning her up. "I care about you! I don't want you to die! Why are you trying to die?"
"No cat cares about me," Mudpaw stated hollowly. "I'm a cripple and no cat cares."
"I CARE!" Darkpaw screamed. "I CARE!"
"You're the only one," Mudpaw's voice softened a little. "No cat else cares."
"YOU CANNOT DIE," Darkpaw howled at Mudpaw. "NO! YOU CANNOT!"
"Duskpaw, you have cats that care about you," Robinpaw took a step towards her. "Darkpaw, me, Olivepaw, Primrosepaw, Feathermist, we care."
"Really?" Mudpaw didn't sound hopeful.
"We care," Darkpaw repeated hoarsely.
"You care?" Mudpaw stared at her, green eyes welling with tears. "You care?"
"You need to come and go back to camp. We'll help you," Darkpaw promised. "You don't need to be afraid. We'll help. You can come with us, we'll take you to the medicine cats."
"Will I ever heal?" Mudpaw's eyes shone with pain. "Will I ever?"
"You'll heal. Your side will heal, your heart will heal, and we'll be by your side the whole way," Robinpaw told her, his voice raw. "You don't have to be afraid."
"I don't have to be afraid," Mudpaw repeated, sounding like she believed it a little more. "I don't have to be afraid. I'll heal. You'll be by my side. I'm safe."
"You're safe," Darkpaw repeated. "You're safe. You're safe."
"I'm safe," Mudpaw exhaled, her luminous eyes closing. "Safe."
She stepped forwards, and time seemed to slow down.
Darkpaw felt each beat of her heart.
No…
And then Mudpaw slipped.
Splash…
The sound echoed in her mind for a moment,
and
then
Mudpaw's scream split the air as she fell into the water.
NO!
"NO!" Darkpaw screamed.
She sprang into action, racing to the edge of the hill to where the slick grass cut away to frothing black water.
"DUSKPAW!" She howled, raw pain in her voice.
Barely taking a heartbeat to gasp in a breath of air, she jumped over the edge, diving towards the weakly fighting brown outline of her best friend.
"Darkpaw!" Robinpaw shouted after her, but she had already dived.
Splash!
She crashed into the water, tail-lengths away from Mudpaw.
Perhaps it was the sheer adrenaline of the moment, but her paws seemed to instinctively know what to do. She churned her paws forcefully, pushing herself closer to Mudpaw with each stroke.
No.
She watched her best friend sinking down.
No.
SPLASH!
Water cascaded over her as Robinpaw smashed into the water beside her.
"Duskpaw!" He called.
No.
She dived down into the water, the blackness stinging her eyes as she fought vainly towards the faint outline of Mudpaw.
And latched onto her scruff.
No.
Yes! Ripple finally broke his silence. You can do it, Darkpaw, you can do it, you're almost at the surface.
The words shot through her, giving her golden, bright energy. I can do it!
She pushed harder, every nerve in her body alight with energy and burning.
As her head broke the surface, she heard a loud intake of air. She's alive. I did it. I saved her.
You're not out of the tunnel yet. Ripple warned. You still need to make it to the edge of the water. It's on your right. Quickly now, my energy won't last forever.
You're giving me energy? Darkpaw asked him, barely able to see in the lashing waves.
I'm giving you my skill in swimming and my energy. Ripple suddenly sucked in a pained breath. Hurry! I'm running out!
She fought harder against the waves.
Suddenly, some of the weight lifted off of her as Robinpaw joined her swimming strongly beside her. She sagged with relief, but continued to fight.
Almost there! Ripple urged.
Her paws brushed the stony floor. I did it!
Relief blasted through like hot air.
"Duskpaw?" She breathed fearfully.
"D- Darkpaw… you saved me…" Mudpaw coughed weakly.
"And don't go forgetting it!" Relief washed through her.
"Duskpaw, let's get you to the medicine cats," Robinpaw panted.
"Hi, Robinpaw…" Mudpaw murmured, sounding delirious. "I like your eyes."
"Yeah?" He purred, sounding so relieved that Darkpaw rested her head on his shoulder, breathing out heavily. "Come on, you can like my eyes back at camp."
"Sounds good like fish," Mudpaw giggled.
Darkpaw put her shoulder under Mudpaw as she swayed, Robinpaw doing the same, and they began the walk back to camp.
You did it. Ripple told her. You saved her.
I saved her.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It's done. Fricking easy peasy to write how relieved she was since that was pretty much how I felt finishing the chapter.
I could apologize for about a year for being so impossibly late, but I'll spare you.
QOTD: Who do you ship Robinpaw with? (P.S. If you say Darkpaw, I'm mounting your head on a stick and parading it around fanfiction because DARKBREEZE FOR LIIIIIFE)
Okay. SO. Duskpaw (mah bebe) tried to commit suicide. Darkpaw and Robinpaw stopped her.
DarkBreeze fluff, teasing at the giant plottwist, stuff.
I'm going to go meet my family. See ya.
~Pondfrost
P.S. Happy late Easter, my little bunnies!