Before anything else, I'd like to inform everyone, this is Kurapika's Point of View. Yes, you read that right. Kurapika's Point of View. I'll be completely honest right now and straight up tell you I am not entirely sure if he is in character here. I wrote this in one seating and is the longest I have ever written for this story. If it gets dull, boring or just plain ole messed up, I apologize. I really do. Hope you forgive me. I am seriously palpitating while I'm typing out this part. Seriously.
Anywho, this would be some sort of recap from the beginning - well, actually beyond the beginning but who cares about technicalities - to the last chapter. I was planning on posting this as a one shot, but I decided against it since that'd mean you guys having to find it in the archives and people who hadn't read this story would not probably get it, I guess. Oh, and just for clarity's sake, this happens while Mina's still off sleeping but Gon and Killua had already come back from the auction.
I don't usually ask this, but for this chapter, I'd really like to know what you think about it.
P.S. This is very text-y.
P.P.S. It's 4:46 am where I'm at so yeah... Mehehehe
P.P.P.S. Thanks for last chapter's reviewers! Love you guys! Mwuah!
I was on my way back to my room when I saw the open door right across from Gon's room. I hadn't noticed it on my way to the boy's room and driven by curiosity, I took a peek inside. The room was, in general, unused with the exception of the bed and the table. A piece of white cloth rested on the latter while a sleeping figure lied on the larger piece of furniture, wrapped in a thin blanket provided by this shabby motel found near the outskirts of Yorkshin. I wasn't too surprised to find out it was Mina. According to everyone, she had gone through two days without sleep, today being the first time she had actually gotten any decent rest since dealing with the Troupe leader.
Unconsciously, my hands balled into fists as I recalled how the Spider had treated her, had used her to get to me. My anger, however, was cut short when the brunette clutched onto her pillow, most likely having sensed my animosity. She had always been sensitive to people's feelings and managed to judge accurately their thoughts, given that she wasn't blinded by her own emotions. A huff escaped my lips as I walked over to the bed and eased out the piece of linen from her hand. A soft smile graced her lips then and I couldn't help but smile back.
Gently, I pushed back the few locks of hair that fell on her face and pulled her blanket over her body to cover her better before I retreated to the couch right across from the bed. I'd let her get some sleep for now. I needed to tell her a lot of things and though I knew I would be leaving tomorrow morning, I still didn't have the heart to wake her up. She deserved a bit of rest.
My smile was still on my face as I watched her sleep, her chest rising and falling in a certain, calm rhythm. It was… nice to see her so relaxed, unguarded and simply herself and I felt like I finally understood why she had watched me while I was asleep during those few choice occasions. Without the pressures of day to day life, people could be who they really were whilst sleeping and lay bare their real expressions.
Mina.
More or less five months had passed without any contact with her, and yet she had managed to change so much. Her hair had grown considerably longer, her physique, thinner and I could tell she had preferred to fight using her agility and brains rather than muscle. Even back then, she used her lithe frame to her advantage, never really relying on strength. A certain air of maturity hung around her now, but it didn't always exist. It was only when the situation turned serious. She blamed it on the nature of her job, and I couldn't quite argue with her on that. I was the same, after all. Leorio had pointed it out a few days ago, saying I was more intimidating. In Mina's case, she had learned to become indifferent and eerily collected in the direst of moments.
But she was still undeniably Mina.
Though her morals might have been compromised and her outlook on life might have changed, she was still the obnoxiously loud girl I met on that ship bound for Dolle Harbor.
Our friendship had started out as next to non-existent, I had to admit. For most of the trip, I had kept to myself, speaking only when necessary. Mina, on the other hand, was the antithesis. Her ears were sharp when it came to people talking about her and the moment she heard anything she didn't like, she'd straight up ask them what their problem was. Applicants had then either decided to step out of her way, or test the waters for themselves, the latter of which always having resulted to a brawl. The outcome, however, had always been the same. Mina would come out the victor, having used her speed and wit. I had been impressed, amused, even by her skill, but I had been among those who chose to let her be.
That is, until I had awoken one night to the sounds of shuffling and the slamming of the door. I knew I shouldn't have followed her out – it was not my business, after all – but my mother – may her soul rest in peace – had once told me not to ignore a woman in trouble. I had just planned to check on her, but when I saw her barely able to hold herself upright, I couldn't help but step in. That had earned me a near punch to the face and several other blows that I had thankfully managed to block. When she had finally calmed down, she had stared at me first out of horror, then out of anger before storming off. I found her aggravating since then, not appreciating her cold demeanor despite having snapped her out of whatever nightmare she was in.
I eventually had gotten an explanation from her though, in that tunnel on the way to the Navigators. Another of her panic attacks – she was claustrophobic, though she would never admit to it – had rendered her unable to move on through the dark tunnel and I had volunteered to get her. Looking back, I had done so because I didn't want Leorio or Gon to face her wrath. Nothing more, nothing less. It was then that I came to find out about the faceless demons she fought off, having been plagued by their screams and presence since she had lost her memory. Her story had compelled me to rethink my whole perspective of her, but back then, she had made it clear that her business was her, and mine was mine, and I hadn't bothered anymore.
But during the First Phase of the Exam… That was the first time she had been genuinely kind, in her own special way. She had been too quiet for the most part of the marathon and it had been off-putting to run beside her, having been used to her picking on me. I had called her out for it, mentioned her pet goldfish and taken a jab at me regarding my best friend. Surprisingly, she had been aware of my clan's massacre and immediately took her words back, apologizing. I saw and heard her sincerity back then and I had opted to tell her about Pairo, my clan, the Scarlet eyes, the Phantom Troupe and my plans of vengeance.
Mina had been dubious at first – it was a quite a feat, after all – but instead of saying I was insane – though I vaguely recall her saying something along those lines – she had responded by telling me her story. She was an orphan who had been taken in by her doctor whose son went missing after going off to take the Hunter Exam four years ago in hopes of helping her find her real parents. Driven by guilt and impatience, she had taken the Exam to repay her debt to Serena by getting Aster back, and eventually find her own family. Her expression had been sad, but she was still optimistic. She had even sworn to help me with my mission, and I, appreciating her honesty and compassion, had sworn to help her.
When she had almost lost it in the Numere Wetlands, it had been me who stopped and spared a moment when I noticed she was nowhere in sight. I had asked Leorio to help me find her, and the man had been more than willing to lend a hand. When she had been injured during her encounter with Hisoka, it had been me who tended to her wound. At the time, it had been out of worry for a friend that I did those things, but eventually, I realized, they turned into something more. The worry had brought along pain and fear, the kind I never thought I would have to experience ever again.
The pain and fear of having to lose someone dear.
Such was the incident with Bendot during the Third Phase. She had volunteered to take him on, much to everyone's surprise and more importantly, to my horror. I didn't have to look twice to find out the convict had been dangerous and I had known that the only way she'd get out alive was either by some stroke of luck, or by forfeiting. But Mina wasn't the type to give up. Never was, never would be, and it had been a very painful thing to see her being thrown about like a ragdoll and held by the neck, her feet dangling several inches from the ground. Whether it was because of her pride, her optimism or her stupidity, I never could figure out why she did what she did, volunteering, but she took him on and fought to the very end.
And won.
Her victory, however, had not gone without dealing a blow to her psyche. She had butchered the man and it had triggered something in her, something that had scared her. Being the crying mess she had been during the time, I had done my best to clean off the blood from her skin and during which, she had asked me to do the impossible: to be her executor. At first I had thought she was talking crazy talk due to the shock, but there had been a lucidity in her eyes that told me she was serious. Of course, I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't, whether I cared for her as a friend or something entirely different.
Her request had troubled me for the most part of the Phase, and Mina had noticed it, confronted me about it, even. Apparently, she had accepted the possibility but had still been oddly optimistic. I had been skeptical at first, but after she had used my own hand to slap me, I had begun to share her optimism, if only for a while.
During the Fourth Phase, I had no clue where she had gone to. My priorities had been laid straight – to acquire my targets ID tag and to survive for the remainder of the week – but there had been a small, nagging voice at the back of my head that tried to convince me to find Mina and make sure she was fine. Leorio had called me out for my fretting and reassured me that everyone was fine – he had no clue my worries were centered around the lone female in our group back then – but still. Had the older teen not been in need of mine and Gon's help, I would have used the remaining days to find Mina. So imagine my relief when I had found her fine and smiling at us.
What sense of comfort I had back then was soon shattered when Mina had brought into light Killua's suspicions of the two of us. I had been surprised and for a moment, I had entertained the idea before pushing it away. I couldn't allow myself to get too attached, I had reminded myself. Being friends was what I had considered to be the closest degree in a relationship that I allowed for myself. Any closer, like the one Killua, Leorio and even Gon were assuming, was too dangerous, especially for her.
For Mina and I, the Fifth Phase of the Hunter Exam had gone without incident compared to Killua's case. Despite Mina's outburst at having been denied a fair fight and Hisoka's tip about the Spiders, the two of us had managed to pass, along with Gon and Leorio, and the four of us then had set off for Kukuroo Mountain to save Killua. One night though, after another failed attempt of opening the Testing Gate, I had found myself being woken up by the brunette who then had a gentle, thoughtful look on her face. Out of habit, I had expected the worst, but she had reassured me everything was fine. No, she had used the word 'perfect' that time. When I had asked her why she had waked me up, she had given me a rather vague answer before wrapping her arms around me.
The intimate gesture had caught me by surprise and I didn't know how to react at first. Eventually, I relaxed and had wrapped my own arms around her, finding the whole thing comforting. She had said something along 'thanks' but I couldn't quite remember. All I had focused on was how undeniably comfortable it had been, a small part of me hoping that she would allow me to hold her longer. I had unconsciously asked about it that time, and she had surprisingly agreed.
Had it been then that everything shifted?
I found myself asking that several times, trying to pinpoint exactly when everything had changed, but up to this day, I couldn't find an answer.
Or it could have also been during our stay at Corymb. Mina had been more distracted than usual a few weeks after the five of us had gone our separate ways and I had suggested that we took a break and gave her the liberty to choose where to go, something she obviously appreciated, but would never openly admit.
Corymb had been a beautiful place and I had come to understand why she had been so homesick. The air there was different from anywhere I've been and the people had been more than welcoming. Serena had been suspicious of me though and had managed to talk me into a corner while Mina had been taking a bath. I had ended up telling her everything about me from start to finish, even my feelings for her 'daughter' which, back then, had been confusing. The woman had just smiled at me mischievously after and I couldn't help but feel a bit irked. Since then, I made it a point to be careful with what I said around her, though over all, she was a wonderful woman through and through, with only the despair brought about by a missing son and a reckless 'daughter' damping her disposition.
Her friends were a rowdy bunch, but were reliable nonetheless. Vika had been the first I was able to meet and the girl's quick attachment to me had annoyed Mina to the point of storming off. I would never admit it to Mina, but I had been honestly amused when I found her jealous. It had been a shallow thing, really, but Mina was a stubborn girl and had even tried to lie her way out. What she didn't know was that when she lied, she'd blink too many times for an average person. I had tried to reassure her though, but she had stormed off again and it wasn't until sundown that I saw her again, Vika having reassured me that she had already called someone that would get her to come back no matter what.
That was when I met Wenalyn and Marcel. Wenalyn was an intimidating girl – she had stared me down for a few moments before huffing and walking away the first time I met her – and it seemed as though Marcel was the only one who was not affected by it. Marcel was a nice boy and had seemed particularly attached to Mina, even calling her 'Demi'. That did not sit well with me, but I was much more in control of my emotions compared to Mina. Besides, he had proved to be good company and he had been admittedly relieved to have another guy to talk to since Fritz had been staying at his grandmother's in Catkin and Aster had gone missing. Fritz I had met during the parade in Umbel.
And it was during that parade I felt pain and fear for the second time.
Again, Mina had been distracted thanks to an earlier incident with a man she had thought to be her missing 'brother' but at the sight of the fireworks, she had returned to her former smiling self. My hand had moved on its own back then and slipped through hers. The gesture had surprised her, but she had simply smiled at me – the kind that could make people's hearts stop – and let it be. But then she had to run off, chasing someone who she had been completely sure was Aster that time. I had let her go back then, but I had hesitated, my selfishness wanting her to stay with me and it was already the following day that I saw her again, in a hospital bed.
According to the doctors, she had sustained several serious injuries and had she been brought in any later, her chances of survival would have been next to none. Having to wait for her to wake up had been excruciating enough, but I still had things to do. While she had been unconscious, I had to face Serena, explain to her what happened to the best of my capabilities and calm her down. The doctor had been worse than displeased and proof of it had been their argument. Thankfully, they had resolved that sooner rather than later and it had been Serena herself that had rushed us to go and head out.
Of course, she had a few choice words for me that time.
"Mina's reckless and difficult and stubborn… She's a whole lot of things, and I know what I'm about to ask of you would sound overbearing and impossible, but would you please keep her out of trouble? Or at the very least take care of her?"
I had immediately answered her with an affirmative response. Actually, I would've kept her out of trouble or taken care of her even if she didn't ask. It had become part of me, apparently, to stand by the brunette no matter what.
Dolor had been our first destination and the trip to the isolated town had been anything but uneventful. Mina had been bitter about my decision of going by boat, but she couldn't really do much about it once on board. It had been also on that boat that we had sworn to never let any harm befall each other. It had been also on that boat that my self-control had first faltered, something I hadn't known was possible. She had been too vulnerable, wrapped in my tabard and closing the distance between us in an effort to ward off the cold, and it had been difficult to stop my hand from moving on its own and placing itself on her cheek. From there, I wasn't completely sure if I had been in control of my actions, but I had leaned in an attempt to break the fine line that separated friendship from something much, much more than that.
But Mina's knees had given way just then and her small shriek had me snapping out of it in time to steady her. Her face had grown red then – something that became common for her over the course of time ever since we had met – and had bid me a hasty good night before running off, leaving me with my thoughts. I had been undeniably frustrated and it had taken me quite some time to 'blow off some steam' as she would call it. By the time I had gone back to our room, I had found her still clutching onto my tabard and I couldn't help but smile at the sight. I had brushed away hair from her face back then, just as I had done a while ago, and went to bed.
Now that I thought about it, I couldn't help but smile at my own stupidity. No matter how disciplined I was, I was still a guy.
To further support that fact was what happened in Dolor. It had all been fun and games until I brought up the two photos I had seen lying on her bed. She had been trying to hide them, but in her haste earlier, she had accidentally exposed them and I had been more than curious to find out what they were photos of. It had gotten to the point that I had to pin her down on my bed to keep her from getting to them. She had been furious – and with good reason – and had begun to threaten me. I had known they were empty threats, but being talked to that was not a pleasant thing so I had challenged her, which caught her off guard. Mina had tried to come up with a retort, but I had already leaned in and pressed my lips against hers.
A part of me, the sane part of me, had desperately tried to stop it from ever happening, but it had proven to be the weaker during that time and I had given in. It hadn't lasted long, something I had momentarily found comfort in, but the damage had already been done. When I pulled away to look at her, Mina had on an expression I had never seen on her before and it almost had me leaning in for another kiss had it not been for her sudden snap back to reality which inevitably dragged me back as well. She had put as much distance as possible between us in the least amount of time possible and that had dealt me one powerful blow. To think that I had been able to do that to her, to have her afraid to even look at me...
I began to pinch the bridge of my nose. I had screwed that up big time. Until now, I knew I had wanted to steal another kiss, or maybe two, or three, and it was just proof of how weak I had been and most likely still was.
After that, Mina had done everything and anything to avoid me, much to Rin and Elsa's confusion. They had asked me what had happened – the couple had been more than obvious with their hopes of Mina and I becoming an item sometime soon – but I couldn't really tell them. I had known Mina wouldn't tell them either and it had been because out of mutual respect for each other. Both of us knew this wasn't something people should known without consulting the other, but it had been more difficult than it should be, thanks to Mina.
Of course, I couldn't completely blame her, but gods the woman was frustrating. The look in her eyes back then… A chill ran down my spine and I quickly pushed away any inappropriate thoughts, shaking my head. She was making it incredibly torturous to stay noble and it was even more so after acknowledging I looked at her that way.
Hormones. It's just the hormones talking, Kurapika. Ignore them.
But the fact of the matter was Mina had been stubborn and difficult and just had to suddenly disappear without a word of where she was heading, not to mention why. She had only left me a note with only the name of a city in a certain country, a one-word apology and a goodbye. To say that I had been hurt would have been an understatement. I had immediately left Dolor then for Tanbur, in hopes of finding her there, but I was not as lucky as I had wished. I did, however, find an agency, but even there, I had been greeted with more misfortune, being denied a job for some reason. Eventually, I had found out what I had been lacking and with Mizuken's help, I had learned Nen and applied for a position at the Nostrade's.
The first few weeks had been filled with hate – of myself, of Mina, of everyone – and even Mizuken had noticed it. But as they said, time healed all wounds and there came a point that the pain and hate I felt dulled until it would only appear as a slight throb every now and again. After that, I had focused on developing abilities that would be impossible for Spiders to escape from and once I had mastered them, the rest, as people said it, was history.
Of course, there had been days that thoughts of her would plague my mind and the idea that there were nineteen pictures of us in my bag had not been the least bit helpful. Several occasions I had thought of throwing them away, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I'd wonder where she was, what she was doing and during grimmer times, if she was alive. But I would always catch myself thinking about her before the pain I had already dulled became sharp again and I would go back to training, or to whatever was needed to be done. By the time September arrived, the Spiders had become my priority – as it should be – and I busied myself with the auction in hopes of finding them. By then, I had convinced myself I would never see her again and simply accepted that.
But the Gon had to call and mention her name. And she had been caught along with them by the Troupe, no less. That had had me shaking and despite the boys' pleas, I had ended the call, promising to call back. And I did. Gon had sounded relieved when he found out the leader of the Phantom Troupe had been killed and suggested that we meet at a park. Seeing no harm in it and seeking the comfort of friends after such a long time, I had accepted. The following day, it had only been Gon and Killua who I saw. I had assumed that much and everything had gone along fine. After several months, I found myself laughing again at the boys' antics.
And then I heard someone else laughing.
I heard her laughing.
I had immediately turned towards the source and as soon as I had found her – smiling and undeniably happy – I froze, every single moment I've spent with her rushing back to me. All the laughter, the bickering, the teasing… Right then and there I had realized I would have done everything to experience those again, with her, and no one else. Even if it meant having to swallow my pride, accept whatever reason she would give me and forgive her. The notion, however, had troubled me when I realized how ready I had been to let her back in and I couldn't help but frown and found myself turning back to Gon.
It had been only later that day that Mina had been able to give me an explanation and it had been a valid one at. Hisoka had dragged Mina into a debt she could do nothing about but pay through labor lest she wanted to endanger her real mother and her 'brother'. It had only made it all the more easier for me to forgive her and it had honestly terrified me just how I vulnerable I was to this woman, but that fear did not last long. Mina and I had gone back to the way we were, if not closer.
A tired sigh escaped my lips as I ran a hand through my hair, stealing a glance at the still slumbering woman. The brunette had turned a bit from her previous position, this time lying on her back. A smile tugged on my lips I got up to fix her sheets again for her. I heard her hum in satisfaction as she fell deeper into her sleep and I gently ran my fingers across her cheek, taking care not to use the hand with chains. To my amusement, she leaned into my touch and it had my face heating up as I struggled to fight down my blush while I continued to gaze at her. My eyes then fell to her slightly parted lips and I found myself fighting off the urge to kiss her right now. I was already leaning in when I shook my head, pulled away and settled myself back on the couch. Gnawing on my lower lip, I began to contemplate on what I needed to do before my flight.
First was to apologize for putting her in such a situation with the leader of the Phantom Troupe.
Second was to convince her to back out from our previous agreement of helping each other now that I've realized just how dangerous it was going to be for her.
Third was to tell her I had fallen in love with her.
I had hopelessly, foolishly and undeniably fallen in love with her.