Phew! Nice to go back to CCA! College is a time-eater (thought I do have several As now), I'm running for secretary of Circle K, and I have so many volunteer hours with children...anyway, I decided to go back to one of my most popular fanfiction series.
Oliver had no idea how he got sucked into this...again...but somehow today began with the agenda as a simple picnic date with Dinah to lead to a romantic love session under the trees. But then Roy called, saying he had met with Jim for lunch but his car broke down, so would Ollie please be kind enough to do them a favor?
How Red and Artemis and Lian and finally Paula got sucked into it...if Ollie remembered, Lian was home from school that day to get out of another waste-of-time assembly, and Red and Artemis were trying to talk Ollie into taking her out because they needed to discuss "relationship issues…" but then Dinah asked why they couldn't talk to her for advice, so Artemis added a cruel twist to that by inviting her mother to the day outing.
"I'm hungry," Lian yawned between her father and aunt in the back, while they struggled to play footsie without anyone else watching. Red tried putting his arm around Artemis, but Paula would see, and she was directly behind them.
"So eat something," Ollie chuckled from the front.
"There's nothing here to eat."
"That's what Iris always complains about," Dinah smirked shaking her head. "There might be some trail mix in the back of my seat."
"I can't eat peanuts. Derek Goodnight has a severe peanut allergy."
"So don't eat the peanuts," Roy moaned as he experimented with an iPad mini. "Ollie, there any good places to eat around this place?"
At that moment Jim popped up his GPS and scanned for any restaurants and diners. "Well, uh, there's a McDonald's about...two miles from here, a Red Lobster half a mile away, Burger King, Subway about three miles from here"-
"Uncle Ollie, can you take us to McDonald's?!" Lian screamed from the back.
"You forgot the magic word and your grammar is poor," Ollie growled. Lian fixed her mistake and Ollie drove up to the nearby McDonald's drive-thru only after much begging and pleading from the little Harper's part. "You paying, Red?"
The father/clone shot his head up from sexting his sister-in-law. "What?"
"You know what, Ollie"-Roy pulled up a McDonald's menu-"order me a number 3-"
"I'll get myself a large Coke-" Jim said fishing out a ten-dollar bill.
"With a small smoothie, strawberry banana," Dinah added, sliding her hand onto Ollie's knee.
"A Happy Meal"- piped Lian.
Ollie sighed and waited for the order to begin. "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?"
Ollie opened his mouth at the very second Lian unbuckled her seatbelt, dashed from her seat, and stuck her head out the open window. "I'll have nine Happy Meals, eight large Cokes, two milkshakes, three large strawberry banana smoothie, a small ice cream, and-oh, wait, make that two ice creams, and nine large fries."
Red's face burned, Artemis felt sick, Paula covered her face in her hands, Roy chuckled and snorted, Dinah lightly giggled, and Jim pinched his nose to keep from laughing.
Oliver would have protested, but Lian's tiny rear was in his face, and her foot shoved right into his chest. He prayed that she would not pass gas or else sit back into his face because he would rather eat a properly cooked Harper-burger than a kid's meal.
"Okay...you said four smoothies?"
"Yes," Lian confirmed forgetting her initial request.
"Your total is…$79.69," the voice said. "Your order will be at the next window."
Red reached forward and grabbed the back of his daughter's dress and commanded her to sit in Aunt Arty's old seat, as the blonde moved beside Daddy while the other redheads sat on the floor. Ollie pulled out his credit card to give to the cashier, throwing the tiny Harper a nasty look until the cashier returned his card. It took about five minutes for the nine Happy Meals, nine large fries, eight large Cokes, four large strawberry banana smoothies, two ice creams, and two milkshakes to pop up and be distributed around the car.
"Get anything on my leather seats, people, and you might as well be walking home," Ollie threatened. "I don't care if it's Star or Metropolis or Gotham or DC or anything else, don't dirty my precious."
Dinah threw him a dark look and mimicked dropping a fry between her feet. Red gave Roy and Jim an ice cream each and Paula and Artemis a milkshake each, distributing smoothies to the others, and evenly handing out the fries but taking the extra package of fries.
"It's been a long time since I've had these kiddie burgers," Roy mumbled pulling out the cheeseburger and sipping from the straw.
Suddenly Dinah cooed at something and pulled out a mini Red Arrow doll. "Oh, look, Roy, they have you in toy form!"
"Really?!" clone and real Roy asked simultaneously.
"Ooh nice, superhero action figures," Lian read from the Happy Meal box. She reached into her bag and fished out a Guardian doll. "Uncle Jim, look, it's you!"
"How do you know it's me and not Mal?" said clone asked.
Lian pointed to the Caucasian face and let the man inspect the toy, thinking that it did resemble his old costume. He decided to keep it and pulled out an Artemis figure. "Hey, Artemis, look, I got you!"
The blonde grabbed the toy, reached into her serving and pulled out a Huntress action figure. "Cool, Mom, look, I got you in the villainous attire!"
Paula inspected herself in doll form, nodding and pointing out how the real costume differed from the plastic display, and dug out a Black Canary figure. "No way!" the blond yelled. "Quite a legacy…"
Roy smirked and held out his Green Arrow doll to his former mentor. "I got you, Ollie."
Ollie smiled and dug out the plastic doll of his mechanical-armed partner. "Trade ya?"
They swapped dolls and Red pulled out a figure of a black-haired girl with a midriff tank top, short shirt, knee-high boots, small mask, quiver, and bow. "Hey, is this supposed to be my little girl when she grows up? Cause she is not wearing a skirt if she decides to fight crime"-
"Oh, boy, that's mine, that's me!" Lian screeched as she reached for the toy in her father's hand, knocking down the milkshake from her aunt's lap, and splattering milk and ice cream over the backseat and Roy's and Jim's laps.
"Ah!" Roy called out. "My God…"
"Sweetheart, this is rental!" Jim yelled as he wiped away the milkshake from his rental pants. "Got any napkins up there, Dinah?"
Oliver, who had quietly but quickly finished his snack and resumed driving, slammed down on his breaks, causing everyone to lurch forward (and Roy and Jim to painfully hit the back of the front seats) and sending more milkshakes, smoothies, and Cokes crashing onto the floor.
"Uh, oh," Lian gulped.
Ollie turned to the back with a red face. "Uh oh?" he snarled. "What did I say about littering my car!"
"Oh, great, now my clothes look worse!" Roy yelled in an attempt to distract them.
Dinah shuffled through the glove box and collected as many napkins as possible. By then, however, she did not want to know what caused a food fight to arise. Several French Fries were flying all over the car, and a Coke flung in the air, and milkshake smeared all over the doors. Paula was tossing fries and chunks of smoothie everywhere, Red had smeared milkshake onto Artemis' face and was sharing fries with her, Artemis shoved her fingers into Roy's ice cream to stain Red's lap, and Roy was shaking his beverage around so brown fizz splattered all over the leather floor.
"I've given up on these pants, it's a loss I'll never recover from," Jim muttered as he tossed the cheeseburger in Lian's direction, the mini patty and bun slapping against her small cheek.
The food fight continued on-by then each person was holding onto their own plastic replicas-until there was a small silence...Then everybody realized that Oliver had driven away and had stopped somewhere and all the windows were down. "Oliver, what are you doing?" asked Dinah.
Ollie did not answer as water shot into the car.
Dinah gasped, Paula screamed, Lian yelped and cowered on her aunt's lap while she and Red shielded the little girl from the sharp jets, Jim covered his face, Roy yelled out curses and protests, but Oliver remained calm, though somewhat annoyed.
"Ol-i-ver-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you!" Dinah screeched as water ruined her straightened hair.
"You-said-hell-you-have-to-put-a-quart-er-in-the-swear-jar-" Lian screamed through her laughter.
Suddenly the water stopped and Red's heart pounded. "Uh oh-"
"You-took-us-to-a-car-wash-" Artemis horrifically shrieked.
The very next second saw bubbles and soap and suds streaming through the windows, dousing everybody and growing mountains of bubbles all over sticky Coke spills, stale fries, and messier people. "I'm-filth-y," Artemis screamed, too afraid to open her eyes.
"My-butt-hurts-" Lian hollered.
"There's-soap-in-my-ears!" Paula followed.
"Ol-i-ver-stop!" Jim cried as he spat out a mouthful of soap.
Dinah was already wiping away soap from her face and hair just as water shot in, rinsing away the soap and dousing everyone again.
"I'm-clean!" Roy mockingly yelled.
"I'm-thirsty-" Lian laughed.
"Oh, Oliver," muttered Dinah, "how could you be so cruel?"
Oliver said nothing as his goatee dripped water onto his lap.
Several neighbors were understandably surprised when Red, Artemis, and Lian came home soaking wet. Soap still hung on Lian's hair, Artemis was tugging on her turtleneck, and Red kept looking behind him for puddles.
After Red closed and locked the door, Lian kicked off her shoes and burst out laughing. "That was fun!" she giggled.
"Somewhat," Artemis muttered. "Come on, let's give you a bath!"
Red picked up his ringing telephone-he needed to put his cell into a bag of rice-and listened to Jim's complaints about his rented clothes and Roy asking to spend the night with Jim in Metropolis and the "highlights" from the party bath. "Seriously, what kind of mentor have you and Roy been living with?" he asked.
Red paused to listen to Lian babbling in the bathtub and planned to send her to the Allens' for dinner so he and Artemis could shower together. "A very interesting one, brother...one of a kind…"
The Allens luckily were free and let Lian come over for dinner, and Artemis hurried back to the apartment and took Red's hands. "Listen...I kind of forgot how to take a shower...Would you mind helping me?"
"I'd be more than honored," Red said with a smirk. Artemis tugged off his shirt, he unbuttoned her pants, lifted her bridal style, and carried her to the bathroom.
That was so much fun to write! I've always wanted to roll down my windows when my father would take me to a car wash, but he always said no. And I made up that McDonald's price.
Review?
Secret: The sad thing about not having a season three is that now it may be hard to find a show that featured Karen/Mal.