Thanks to everyone who faved, alerted or reviewed this story! You make me feel all warm and squishy, ^_^
A/N:
This took longer than expected. Despite encouragement to finish this chapter, I still want to repeatedly stab it with a spork.
Anywho~I've had two driving lessons so far and was thrust in the middle of heavy traffic during lesson two. I should mention my experience in a car was minimal at this point, and I had never been on a street with other cars before.
Did I ever mention I am afraid of roads? Not the roads themselves, per se, but of the people driving on them…well, I'm afraid of crowds, too… But to make it simple: I'm afraid of other drivers, especially while a pedestrian. I'm afraid of crowds. Put me on a crowded road with people on either side of me. I was not happy. No, no. Not happy.
Then it rained.
Why do people look forwards to driving? Do they enjoy the misery that is to be surrounded by people you cannot predict, thus, the thrill of being in danger the entire time?
Meh~Stupid phobias.
BOLD text will be dream sequences and BOLD w/ italics will be flashbacks, to prevent confusion…
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII in its entirety do not belong to me but to Square Equinox. To quote another writer: "These are not my toys; I'm just abusing them…"
Rating (chapter): M (implied sexual situations, language)
Word Count: 3,159
Summary: The first thing on Cloud Strife's mind when he woke was Not Again. Reliving the past once was hard enough, but doing everything again for a fourth time…Refusing to believe that he is trapped in a cycle of endless death and re-birth, Cloud decides to do whatever he can to stop the future he knows from happening. Along the way, he finds himself tangled up with the man he could not help but think was beautiful but learned to hate. Sephiroth was always part of the problem, but could Cloud turn the General into the solution? Time Travel fic/AU.
Fourth Time's the Charm
by Catsitta
"Of course I'm nervous, you can't exactly trust other people to do what they're supposed to and follow the rules." –Personal quote
Chapter Thirty-seven: Anxiety
Daylight filtered through the curtained windows by the time either Sephiroth or Cloud stirred.
Waking first, the blond blearily blinked away sleep, realizing that it was the first time in years he had slept peacefully. And of all the places to fall asleep! He lay half-sprawled on top of the silver General, one leg crooked and hooked about the other man's waist, both hands tangled in his hair. His face had been buried against Sephiroth's neck.
Not wanting to disturb the man just yet, Cloud studied him for a moment, drinking in every detail of his sleeping face.
Then, as he shifted to move off of the silver-haired swordsman, he realized something and froze. The heat of their touching skin was intense and sticky with sweat, but that warmth did not just touch his face and chest. Curiosity turned to dread as he gave their compromising position slightly more consideration and he found himself flushing hotly.
Cloud remembered kissing the man for all he was worth last night—too wanting of completion to think of the consequences. But after that, it all was a dream-like blur of heat and sound. In fact, he had been convinced he had been dreaming! It was why he had not panicked when the world around them became a splash of gray. It was why, when he woke up, he expected the warmth of another's body but not the press of skin—the stickiness of sweat, the low throb of bruising love bites, the sharp burn and ache shooting through his hips and the lower lumbar of his spine.
But if what he thought was a dream, had not been a dream…then that meant…!
"Hmnn…Cloud? Is something wrong?" Mako-green eyes stared up at him lazily and a calloused hand worked its way up a leg, to stroke Cloud's back. "You seem distressed."
"Did we have sex last night?" The words spilled out in a rush.
An elegant brow arched with amusement and Sephiroth chuckled softly,"No…I don't believe we…did…" The amusement faded, replaced with confusion as he too drank in their situation, removing his hand from Cloud's back to absently rub his jaw instead as he propped himself up on the other elbow. "Did we?"
Quicker than lightning, Cloud leapt away from the silver General, eyes searching the room they were in. Yes, they had somehow managed to get into the bedroom last night despite their collapsing together by the entryway. And apparently, at some point, the bed had become optional, because despite the tangled sheets, they woke up on the floor.
"What the fuck!" Cloud cried out in a panic. In all of his different lifetimes, he could never recall forgetting about having sex with someone, not mistaking the event for a dream. And in his second life, he slept around a lot—sometimes sober, more often than not, not. But he still remembered. Hell, he could list the number of times and places he and Tifa were together in his first life, as well recall the desperation in the acts, the very feel of her nails against his back and shoulders, biting into skin.
This was just insane.
And confusing…
But not as confusing as the peculiar hitch in Sephiroth's gait when he worked his way to his feet.
They stared at each other.
There was silence.
There were questions…
And then, there was acceptance.
The silver-haired warrior stretched his lithe body in some semblance of normality, almost as if he did so nude every morning. Then he focused his mako-colored eyes on Cloud, with apparent nonchalance, before searching through the skewed linens to find his clothing. How he stayed so calm was anyone's guess, because Cloud was far from it. Yes, he accepted the fact that they had slept together. He had even accepted the fact that neither of the appeared to remember there being more than some kisses and a smoky, erotic dream to follow. But what he could not seem to do was accept this information with any degree of resignation.
It happened. Was he happy about it? Perhaps. Was he happy how it happened? Not in the least.
There was nothing, now, stopping the silver General from taking him ShinRa. He had gotten what he wanted—a good fuck (presumably). So why would he hesitate in bringing a fugitive back to his employers? There was nothing left to bargain with. Sephiroth knew his secrets. Knew he was a man with many lives. Knew he was enhanced. Knew he, himself, killed him on more than once occasion.
Overwhelmed by the stress, Cloud pushed away reality, curling up on the floor as he forced out everything.
He did not notice his Dark Angel approach, genuine concern knitted between his brows as he laid his eyes upon his lover…his little angel.
But for the first time since that fateful day where their connection formed, Cloud did not dream of the guilty pleasure of being owned, controlled and loved by his all-powerful master. No. Instead he dreamt of nothingness, only song greeting him…it was faint and sadly sweet. Much like a music box that could barely turn again, needing to be rewound in order to chime with joy and intensity.
000X000
It was unfamiliar, this feeling.
It was not anxiety. It was not calm. It was not desire…nor even satisfaction. It was not lust. Rather, it was closer to concern. The kind of concern one only feels for someone one loves, that niggling panic that screamed for him to react but also restrained him from making any hasty actions.
So he hesitated, and stared down at Cloud.
Sephiroth, uncertain of what to do, crouched close to his newfound lover and stroked his blond hair.
What had happened last night was beyond comprehension. Quite honestly, he had thought everything to be a dream. After all, it would not have been the first time where reality bled away and their unconscious minds intermingled. But the intensity of the moment should have been his first clue. It had been so much unlike when they had joined together in their dreams as Master and Pet, yet so similar. As if there were forces at play that were nudging them together, ripping apart their inhibitions in order to guarantee their physical union.
But why? He found himself wondering. The attraction between them was too much to deny. Was it too much to ask to allow them a night together, exploring each other's bodies as lovers do, learning how to make the other shiver…make them moan…make them scream? Were they not supposed to know each other in this way? Was that why the other forces interfered? Or was it something else…was it supposed to protect them in some way by suppressing the memories, stealing away the color and sound until there was nothing left but a haze of passion…a frenzy of need?
Uncertain, he pulled Cloud's nude form into his arms, examining the blond curiously as he waited for him to awake. Sephiroth knew the teen was lean but had never suspected there to be definition to his supple form. Cloud's abdomen was a ripple of muscle, his shoulders broad and thickly set, his arms like cords of steel, his legs shapely. He was practically a man, but Cloud's face would likely always be boyish. Lacking hard angles and harsh planes would forever give the blond that deceptively innocent appeal.
"What am I to do with you?" Sephiroth found himself asking aloud. He could not take him back to ShinRa, nor could he just leave him here to be found by the Turks. And after having a taste, he wanted more…he wanted to know Cloud as a lover. He wanted to be the center of his world. He wanted the strange young man to his and his only forever, even if it meant leaving everything else behind.
There was no abandoning the one he loved…his soul mate.
Even after learning what he had, seeing those memories that made no sense, Sephiroth felt no less consumed by desire and need for the blond's affections. They would make things work. No matter how hard, he would figure something out and make everything okay. Hojo would never hurt Cloud. The Turks would never take him away.
Never.
But a small, pessimistic part of him reminded him that never was one of those words that could easily be proven false. For all Cloud was enhanced now, by some strange means of rebirth and reawakening, he could fall victim to one of ShinRa's various traps and end up in some lab somewhere to be experimented upon…again.
Slightly unnerved by his own thoughts, Sephiroth curled around Cloud and held him, willing to wait for as long as it took for the blond to wake.
000X000
It was about an hour later before Cloud roused from his panicked state.
He groaned and blinked back into awareness, taking in his surroundings with almost drunken slowness. Sephiroth smiled softly and offered the blond a chaste kiss on the lips, which, the teen seemed too dazed to return. Perhaps it was for the best, since, the tiniest of migraines was beginning to bud at the back of his skull and any spike in sound or emotion could set it off. Now was not the best time to be disabled with pain or delirious from the painkillers that Hojo decided to dose both he and Cloud with…had those days been so long ago?
"S-sephiroth?"
"Yes."
"You're still here."
"Of course, why would I abandon you in the condition you were in?" Feeling oddly playful despite all of the recent stress, he let his lips ghost over the shell of Cloud's ear. "What kind of lover would that make me?"
"Lover?" Cloud frowned, then gasped…then proceeded to completely flip out again, eyes wide as he tried to scramble away. "I won't let you take me to Hojo!"
"Cloud…Cloud! Gaia damn it, I'm not going to take you back to that sadistic bastard." Sephiroth growled, annoyed by the throbbing in his skull as well as the struggling of his partner. This was not exactly how he imagined their first morning after to be. In fact, he imagined it with a lot more kissing and a healthy dose of…well, sex! Why did his first, true, not completely sexual interest have to be so bizarre?
Yes, he was certain he loved Cloud, but damn was he doing everything he could to make it hard.
It would be so much simpler if he were a normal Cadet with mako sensitivity rather than some time traveling hero with something vaguely resembling a personality or mood disorder. But, he loved challenges. It was one of the top reasons he could not let Cloud go, even when Zack had not-so-subtly warned him against pursuing the blond…
Zack…he should probably call the man and tell him that his student was alive and well.
Noting that Cloud was lax in his arms, Sephiroth let out a small sigh and placed the blond down on the floor. "You should get dressed," he suggested quietly. "We can talk then since I suspect we have much to discuss…namely our current situation."
"You're not going to turn me in now that you got what you wanted?" It was a cautious, almost abrasive question.
"Cloud. Cloud. I am far from…satisfied." It was a purr.
Cloud looked nervous but did comply with Sephiroth's suggestion to get dressed.
"This can't happen again."
"Pardon?" The silver-haired General had already stood and was searching for his PHS.
The blond was in the midst of pulling on his pants as he replied,"This can't happen again…Whatever this was. Sephiroth, you're the General of Shinra. I'm an AWOL Cadet with a bounty on his head…You need to go back to work and pretend this never happened and let me live my life."
"And what life is that?" Sephiroth challenged,"A life of hiding from Shinra?"
"No. A life of hiding from you. From the Planet. From JENOVA. All I want is normal life, Sephiroth. I've tried to stop the world from dying time and time again, but I've failed more than once. I already know I can't save you, yet…No. I can't do this to myself again. I'm going to be normal this time around. I don't care if I'm enhanced. I don't care if you go crazy. I don't care if ShinRa stalks my every move. I. Don't. Care. Period. The world is going to die no matter what I do, so I might as well enjoy myself."
"I can't do that."
"Yes you can."
"No…I can't." Sephiroth approached Cloud, only to have the blond shy away from him, a distrustful glint in those beautiful blues. What had happened? This was supposed to be the perfect moment. They were supposed to be all over each other and never want to let go! They were soul mates. Sephiroth knew it to be certain, and knew Cloud felt it too. They wanted…needed each other. They were not complete without the other. "Cloud, you are mine and I am yours. We need to figure this out together."
"No. You need to leave. I know what will happen if you stay…"
"And what is that?"
"You will fall prey to JENOVA…You will lose yourself and I will be the first one she will pursue. She will sense our connection and force you to push through it as you did before, except you won't be able to pull back. You will get into my head and force me to become your puppet…and I will help you destroy the world. Sephiroth, you taking control of me again will break my sanity. Using me as a tool for the Planet's destruction will ruin me. I know. I can feel it."
"I won't…"
"You will. So please…leave me alone."
Sephiroth was tempted to obey, but he could not. Not after he just found him. He would make Cloud his and make sure the blond never thought of making him leave…
Frustrated, he turned away and at returned to his search for his PHS.
Upon finding it, he noticed the little voicemail icon blinking at the corner of the screen. Right, someone had attempted to call him last night in the middle of his maddened pursuit of the ex-Cadet. Apparently the idiot left a message, and that meant it was important. Hopefully.
He lifted the device to his ear, half expecting some meaningless garble from the President wishing him a relaxing vacation. What he heard, however, made his blood run cold.
000X000
Cloud was proud of himself. He had told Sephiroth that they could not be together despite his lifelong dream of them being together coming to fruition. So why did he feel like kicking himself in the crotch? Yes. The crotch. After everything they had both gone through, this was supposed to be their moment in the sun…their time to discover each other and love as lovers do.
But he was denying it. He was throwing away his dream for the sake of his sanity. Why did he have to be a fucking hero?
"No…No! Damn it, it can't be…no."
Cloud spun around upon hearing Sephiroth's panicked voice. Never had he heard the man sound so helpless. It was as if his whole world had been torn apart before his very eyes.
"Sephiroth?"
The PHS in his hand suddenly disappeared into the pocket of his leather pants, which were still unzipped and happened to slip precariously low on his hips. The silver-haired General was suddenly a whirl of color as he collected his scant belongings and thrust open the door, leaving behind a confused Cloud. Worried, the blond made his pursuit, quickly recovering his own possessions and pulling on his shirt and boots.
He made it all the way to the parking garage before he caught up with the silver-haired man, whom was looking around in a frantic manner. Apparently he had forgotten his motorcycle was totaled.
"Sephiroth…?"
"Dead…they can't be…no…" The silver General murmured, apparently not hearing Cloud speak much less approach. Then, he ran off in some haphazard direction like a crazed man.
Startled and a little panicked himself, Cloud found Fenrir, revved him up and zipped into the street. Sephiroth was nowhere in sight, but if he was having a mental break from whatever he heard over the PHS, then he would need back up. Without any more hesitation, the blond gunned it, hoping that his suspicions about JENOVA had not come alive already.
000X000
Reno stared miserably at the ceiling.
Cloud was still missing. Had he been kidnapped? Was he tangled up with some stranger? Was he…dead?
Vincent refused to let the redhead leave the house, choosing instead to watch the teen carefully. Apparently his emotional state was precarious and allowing Reno to go search for the blond was not the best option given their situation with ShinRa.
"Coffee?" The gunman offered. Another thing Vincent would not let Reno do, get drunk. He insisted in him being sober. At times like these, who the hell wanted to be sober?
"Nah…"
"You have not eaten today."
"Who are yah, my mother?"
Prepared for another argument with the man, the last thing he expected was for the ex-Turk to fall silent. He appeared to be shock still, listening. Reno opened his mouth to ask what he was trying to hear when the front door opened. Then he heard all too familiar footsteps.
"Cloud!"
"Reno. We have a situation." The blond was dead serious, his eyes like ice.
"Is that situation why yah never came home, yo?"
Cloud sighed and nodded,"Sephiroth is in Costa del Sol."
"WHAT!" Reno leapt from his seat and scrambled forwards. "How…what happened?"
After a pause, the blond began from the beginning, retelling the previous day's events as they led into the night. He explained how he had seen the silver General at his workplace, his bike trashed. And he admitted to playing the ignorant fool in order to live out a guilty fantasy and had hoped the man did not realize who he was. Then he detailed how things got sketchy between them, the fight, and then…the unusual result.
Both Reno and the gunman listened avidly, neither daring to speak.
Then came the bad news. Sephiroth. The phone call. And his odd behavior thereafter.
"Yah think he went nuts already?"
"There is chance…but what the trigger is this far unknown."
Vincent, silent as ever, offered nothing.
"Then we need to scram, yo."
"No, we need to neutralize Sephiroth."
"Can't yah use that freaky mind link thing to do it?"
"No."
"But…"
"No."
"Okay, fine. Maybe yah could pull him through it. I mean, you two have that connection and you understand JENOVA better than anyone else. But we'd still have to find him."
"I can sense his presence enough to know when he is close."
"We can use that and track him down…"
Cloud visibly stiffened.
And the front door burst open.
A/N: (Yes, I'm ending it here. Why, because if I don't I might make good on my desire to rip this chapter apart and start over. So here it is, please review…and I am going to bed…Hopefully I won't have as must trouble for a while…
Also, somewhat new poll about oneshots. 'night.)