Chapter 38
No Profit. Not my characters.
Carol, thanks for your awesomeness! Your sense of what works and doesn't is amazing to me. You take everything you do, to a higher level, including my writing.
Kim, you rock! I am in awe of your wonderful talents and instincts. I value your advice more than I can say.
You're both such great friends, thanks for all the laughter and always being there when I need you!
Thanks everyone who is reading and still with me, you're the best!
Meg's POV
"Okay, Meg—how hard can frosting a cake be?"
As I swept the frosting knife along the side of the cake, I answered my own question.
"Oh I don't know, Meg. How crazy are you to continually think Bob is still here and that you actually have someone to talk to?"
Maybe you should get your own dog. Then you won't have to go back to having conversations with yourself.
"Oh shut up!"
Jeez! You're not even being nice to YOU—let alone Stephanie!
"I baked the cake, didn't I? I've got this. I'm woman—hear me roar!"
The self-recriminating laughter echoed in my head.
"It's official. I am nuts! Give me a break, would you? I'm here cooped up, unable to even walk down the damned street. I'm living with the love of my life at long last, while his sort-of-ex resides three floors below us! Yes, I did a really stupid thing thinking she'd get my voice mail and not show up to dinner three days ago. There's way too much lingering tension. I've caught Ranger glaring at me repeatedly during meals, expecting me to apologize to Stephanie."
My damn conscience wouldn't put a sock in it.
Are you really so full of pride you can't just say you're sorry?
"I'm making her a cake, okay? Joe told me she loves cake." I shouted at the air. "I don't know what the hell else to do!"
You should have never done it in the first place.
"I know. I know! It was rude and insensitive. I really thought she'd get my message."
You knew there was a chance she might not. Why didn't you just go down there and talk to her?
"Because I let jealousy rule my head, and it shut down my heart. I'm human! He spent so much money on her. Why would he do that if he weren't head over heels in love with her? Truthfully, I'm angry over how she hurt him. And just how ridiculous is that? I wouldn't even be here if she'd loved him!"
He loves you!
"He says that, and it feels like that when we're making love, but he cares for her too."
She's in love with Joe!
"But that doesn't stop Carlos from being there for her. He still loves her! I'm going to have to learn to accept it and support him, because I know it won't ever change."
Well at least you got that much right!
"I'm going to finish this cake, take it to her and make amends as best I can. Then I'll offer to help her do her investigative work again. There's nothing else I can do!"
I heard the apartment door crash open. Carlos rushed into the kitchen. Stopping for a moment with a puzzled look, he searched for my invisible companion.
Oh great! Now he'll think I'm nuts too.
His eyes were filled with anxiety. "Who the hell are you talking to?"
"Uh, no one. I just—what are you doing here? I thought you had a Rangeman meeting."
"I did—Stephanie needs you now! Come on!" He ordered, while grabbing my hand still holding the frosting knife. I yanked back and splattered a blob of frosting on his pristine, black shirt.
Whoops.
"For what? I'm frosting a cake for her. Can't it wait?" I couldn't imagine what she would want with me.
He grabbed the knife from my hand, throwing it down to the counter.
"What the hell's wrong?"
He tugged on my arm again. "She's on the floor of the bathroom downstairs in terrible pain. She's asking for you."
"Me?" I repeated incredulously. "She needs a doctor. I'm not a trained, medical professional."
"Meg, are you going to help her or not?" His voice was deadly steel.
"I don't know what I can do, but of course I'll come."
"Thank you. She asked me to hurry."
"I'm sorry I—I have to get shoes on!" Untying the apron protecting my clothing, I tossed it over a chair.
"Forget the shoes—she needs you now!"
Clasping his hand in mine, we rushed down to Stephanie's apartment without speaking another word. In the bathroom, my hardened, stubborn heart, felt an immediate twinge, as I took in her stark white face and the beads of perspiration gathering on her forehead.
"Stephanie, what's wrong?" I asked, kneeling down on the floor.
She looked beyond my shoulder at Carlos, still standing in the doorway and then turned her gaze on me pleadingly. Instinctively, I realized this was between us women and not for his ears. Jerking my head toward the door, I indicated he should leave.
"I need to know if she wants me to find her a doctor," he said stubbornly, folding his arms as if he had no intention of moving a muscle.
"I—I—don't know," Stephanie whispered. Her voice was choked with panic.
"Tell me what the hell is going on this minute, Stephanie!" he ordered, glaring at her for her apparently new lack of trust in him.
"I'd—rather talk to—Meg," she panted, which served to upset Carlos more.
"Why? There's nothing you can't tell me. You should know that by now," he argued.
"I do—I—it's just—please, Ranger."
Her eyes begged me to make him see reason.
"Just let us have a minute please, Carlos," I shot out brusquely. Their intimate conversation about being able to share anything had made my throat constrict with jealousy.
He let out a frustrated breath, finally giving in—something he rarely knew how to do.
"I'll be nearby."
I exhaled upon his exit, turning back to the woman who was for all intents and purposes a stranger to me.
"Stephanie, tell me. What is it? Do you already know and didn't want Carlos to hear?"
She was breathing in and out with the pain.
"Cramping."
Her eyes stared toward her abdomen, as if willing the pain to stop."
"Is it your period?"
"I don't know—it could be—" Her voice broke. "I hope not—"
"Why not? Is it the wrong time of month?" I asked, tiring of the twenty questions game.
"No. It's the right time."
"Okay. Well, then why are you on the floor? Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"I can't get up!"
"Are you in that much pain?"
"No. I mean it's— yes. I don't—know! I've never had cramps this bad before."
"You haven't? I really think we should—" Oh—was it possible she might be too embarrassed to ask? "Did you call me because you need supplies?"
"No—uh yes—I don't—have—I might not—" she floundered. "I don't know what the hell I need!"
I tried to hide the aggravation I felt. "Stephanie, you have to spell this out for me. Am I missing something here?"
"Yes, you are. I'm too—I don't know—what this is!"
"You said it was your time of month?"
"Yes, but—it's—past due."
My mouth fell open as understanding dawned.
"Oh my God, Stephanie—are you pregnant?"
Suddenly all of our differences melted into the background, for in that moment, I knew the fear she was having. I found myself teleported back in time, as if I were the one experiencing it all over again.
"I—hope so—but I don't know. I'm clueless when it comes to this stuff!"
"When did the cramping start? Are you bleeding?"
"No—just pain—sharp—sometimes—gotten worse. I feel—stupid—it would be—" she continued to speak in fits and starts. "Meg, I can't lose this baby—if I am." Her eyes reflected the sorrow she'd have if that came to pass.
I knew that sorrow all too well.
"I understand. We won't let that happen. You're late?"
"Ye—ss"
"How late?"
"Eight days."
"You could be pregnant, but you might not be too. Sometimes stress causes—"
She started to cry. Any jealousy I'd ever had toward her regarding Carlos seemed petty and ridiculous now.
My eyes held her haunted, tear-filled ones, as I took her hand in mine. "It's going to be all right."
"I'm—scared. It really hurts."
"I know. I was too."
"How could you possibly know? You had a baby—I mean—" She looked at me, horrified by her callous remark. "I'm sorry! I know he didn't make it—so sorry—I meant you don't know what a miscarriage is like."
"Oh, but I do."
Great! Hardly anyone knew. Now of all the people in the world I was confiding in her.
"What does that—mean?" she gasped. As another jolt hit, she squeezed my hand tighter.
"I lost my baby boy—yes, but even before that I had a miscarriage." I cast my eyes away from hers. Confessing something so heartbreakingly private made me very uncomfortable.
"While you were married?"
"No, before—when I was engaged to a man I met in law school. It happened after my fiancé died."
Stephanie and I had at least one thing in common, because the last thing I wanted from her was pity.
"I'm sorry—I had no idea."
"No one does. I never told anyone but my immediate family."
"You do know then! Meg—please—if I'm pregnant, I can't lose it. How did it feel when you miscarried?" Her eyes pleaded for clarification. She was so filled with dread and confusion I could hardly refuse her request.
The details came begrudgingly. "I wasn't very far along. It happened a week after Mike died."
"Did it feel like this?" she asked, choking back fearful tears. "It hurts like hell!"
"I had intense pain and bleeding. It came out of nowhere. One minute I'd felt fine—the next—it just happened." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby at the same time."
"That must have been horrible! I can't lose this baby. It's my only chance—if something happens to Joe." Her voice became stronger and more determined as she said his name.
"Oh, I see."
"You think I'm crazy to want to be pregnant, don't you. Joe nearly said no." She looked upset that I might be casting judgment over her.
"Stephanie, I totally get why you want Joe's baby now. I don't blame you one bit." No one understood that kind of longing more than me.
She nodded, looking as though she wished she had someone to hug her. I knew she'd never welcome one from me.
"I wish my mom was here. She'd know what was happening—or Mary Lou—" She closed her eyes momentarily, as if hoping they'd magically appear and take my place. She wasn't the only one.
"I get that you miss them. Just breathe, and don't stress. That'll make the pain worse. I know it's not easy, but you have to try to relax."
"I'm trying!" she retorted.
"I know—I'm not criticizing you. I want to help. Do you trust that?"
"Y—e—s," she answered hesitantly.
"Let me have Carlos find you a doctor. That way we'll know what we're dealing with here." My eyes tried to console her, as I whispered softly, "I'll be right back."
"You'll stay with me—while the doctor is here?" she asked, anxiously. While still herky-jerky at times, her voice was getting slightly
stronger the longer I was there.
"Yes, of course." How could I say no?
"Thanks." She averted her eyes. It hadn't been an easy request to make.
I quickly sought out Carlos. Hearing the bathroom door opening, he turned and looked at me questioningly.
"Carlos, we need that doctor. Do you know anyone you can call?"
"I do."
"Hurry then."
"What the hell is wrong? Tell me now, Meg," he said, already pushing buttons on his phone.
"She's either experiencing excessive PMS symptoms, or it's possible she's having a miscarriage."
"Shit! Are you kidding me?" Loving concern reflected clearly in his eyes, sending another painful arrow through my heart. Somehow I had to get past his lingering affection for her!
"Does it look like I am?"
Steph's POV
Oh my God! I'd never experienced anything like this in my life. Why did it hurt so damn much? At least there wasn't bleeding. Maybe pain was a normal symptom of pregnancy. I wished I'd paid more attention when Val had Lisa, although, I couldn't recall Val ever saying anything about the pain until she was actually in labor.
I hadn't been eating much and felt so damned guilty. Perhaps this was my fault! I'd tried to eat, but my stomach was a continuous combination of knots and acid. Now I knew what Joe had gone through all the years he'd been so concerned for my safety.
What if I was pregnant and lost the baby? One thing was for certain. Joe would be nothing but understanding. He'd say it wasn't the right timing, and we'd have other chances. He'd wipe away my tears—hell, he'd take the pain from me if he could!
He'd always been willing to do anything for me.
It terrified me I might not be able to give him a child. I'd wanted to all these many months since he walked out of my apartment after confessing he'd always hoped to marry and have a family with me. The thought of him leaving this earth without one moment of his dream being realized caused me such intense regret and remorse I could hardly catch my breath.
Again I wished my mother or Mary Lou were with me. I'd just talked to them and Lula that morning. Ranger and I had decided I needed to keep in touch, in order to not arouse worry or suspicion. I'd told them that after the trip to visit my college friend, I'd been recruited to work for Rangeman in Miami for a few weeks. Their reactions had been a combination of concern that I use plenty of sunscreen, meddlesome curiosity and pure green envy. If only they knew the truth. I hated lying to them!
Vinnie had been informed I was taking a long leave of absence. He'd screeched out his usual barrage of screaming threats, until Ranger had given him more reason to fret by promising to quit permanently if Vinnie kept up his griping. That shut him up!
I was trying to distract myself from the fear and pain nearly consuming me. In spite of my efforts, it gnawed at me.
Upon Meg's return, I looked at her with eyes that saw a woman genuinely concerned for my well-being. It hadn't been easy to ask her to come to my aid. But I suspected it wasn't a piece of cake for her to go through this with me after her own experiences. What a strange twist of Fate was being played out between us!
"Doctor—coming?" I asked, doubling over once more, as another pain coursed through me.
"Yes, soon. Let me get you a pillow. Maybe if you could lie down—"
"I don't need you to Mother me! I just need to—"
"I know you're scared."
"I'm not afraid of much," I retorted belligerently.
Her green eyes sparked in frustration. "I'm trying to help you."
I'd insulted her.
"I just need you to be here. You don't have to say or do anything! I just don't want to be alone."
"Would you rather have Ranger?" she offered begrudgingly.
"No!" I snapped. "He's the reason I might never give Joe a child."
"You're blaming him for this?"
"No! I blame myself. This will be my fault! Don't you see? If I'd just allowed myself to realize what Joe meant to me from the beginning, none of this would be happening."
I couldn't believe I was spilling my guilty guts out to Meg of all people.
She breathed out deeply, mentally putting her arsenal away now that she understood I wasn't attacking her beloved man.
"You shouldn't be putting yourself under more stress. We need to get your mind off of everything for the moment."
"How in the heck can I do that?" I groused. She was really a piece of work!
"Let's try doing an exercise I learned in FBI training to manage pain. Are you willing?"
I nodded. Anything was better than idle chitchat with her.
Meg gave the instructions softly. "Close your eyes first and take some deep breaths in and out with each pain. Try to focus on something that makes you relax. A calm place you love—the ocean or the woods filled with beautiful tress. Someplace where you can go to help your body become free of pain or tension."
Joe
He was the only thing that came to mind. I saw him in every stage of our lives from childhood to when he came back into my life four years ago. My perfect, peaceful place was with him, and it broke my heart he was so damned far away. If anything would save me from losing our baby, it was Joe. In my mind, his arms were wrapped around me, and his deep, masculine voice whispered lovingly into my ear. When the pain hit, I could almost feel his lips on my cheek and his hand holding mine.
I held onto that until the doctor arrived.
Joe's POV
Something was wrong. I'd felt it all afternoon and into the evening. It wasn't danger exactly, that much I knew. I'd always sensed when Stephanie needed me—even before receiving any form of emergency call. We'd had that uniquely strong connection for what felt like forever.
Only this time I couldn't be there.
Even though I couldn't afford to allow myself any distractions, I'd been sending her mental messages all day. My stomach ached with worry. What the hell was wrong? She was safe at Rangeman, right? She'd promised me she would be cooperative and stay put. I assured myself with the knowledge that if something had happened there Tank would've been informed, and I'd know.
I had to focus on prison life; our success there depended on it. Blutto's eyes had been on me non-stop the last two days, continuously sizing me up. Our initial contact had only been the beginning. And yet I had no idea what he was plotting next.
If that weren't enough, Tad Peabody seemed to be everywhere I looked, and it was just my luck he'd gotten the seat right next to me at dinner that night.
"Hey there, Joe" he greeted in that frantic tone of voice he always used.
"Hey—how's it going?"
"Good." He leaned in closer and whispered. "I know you're being watched."
"Yeah, by you—all the time," I snapped back, hoping the other guys were too busy shoveling in their food to hear what he'd said.
My eyebrow arched in warning. Be careful!
"Well—uh—" He eyed the other guys at our table. "I have information."
"Uh-huh. I'm sure you do."
"I do!" he pouted, glaring at me defiantly.
"Not now," I ordered through gritted teeth.
"When?"
"The yard—tomorrow afternoon."
"Okay. Any progress being made regarding my request?" he persisted.
I wanted to shout, but whispered harshly instead, "Tomorrow!"
Shit, the guy was going to blow everything!
After dinner, I made my way back to my cell; grateful I could focus again on Stephanie. Picturing her, I tried my best to pick up what was going on with her. The only thing I knew for certain was that she was in some kind of pain. Whether it was emotional or physical wasn't clear to me. Sending her comforting and loving thoughts, I hoped I was dead wrong.
Maybe I just missed her too much.
Steph's POV
The doctor completed her examination and sat on the edge of the bed. I was grateful it was a woman physician. She reminded me a little of my mom, which brought me comfort. Her eyes were deep grey and full of compassion. Before she even told me, I knew Joe's and my dream had possibly been forever shattered.
She patted my shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sorry–-I know you were hoping for different results, but you're not pregnant."
"I'm not? Then why all the pain?" My throat closed from holding back the tears her news had instantly invoked. She had to be wrong!
"No. Mr. Manoso said you've been under a great deal of stress, and I believe that's the cause of your late menstrual cycle. However, there's no reason you and Mr. Manoso can't continue to try."
I wanted to laugh my head off. And then I wanted to cry my eyes out!
Nice advice. Wrong man!
Meg let out a choked cough, folding her arms across her chest.
Ironically, a half-hour after the doctor left, I got my monthly visitor. Did the universe have it out for me— or what?
Meg provided me with the supplies I needed. Afterward, Ranger stayed in the apartment and demanded to see me once he knew I was going to be okay.
Pacing back and forth in front of the bed, he eyed me from time to time. Ranger didn't know what to do if he couldn't throw money at something to fix it, so unlike Joe, who would've known exactly what to say and do.
"You're okay. Do you need anything? You can tell or ask me for whatever you need—whenever you need it. Don't you ever forget that!" he ordered me in his usual blunt, commanding way.
Good thing I knew him so well. It was his way of showing he cared.
His way.
I wanted Joe's way so badly. My eyes burned with unshed tears. A good cry was the only thing that would make me feel better.
I wished they would both go and leave me too it!
Meg and Ranger stood by the door, speaking in soft, indiscernible tones, followed by a glare from her every now and then. Finally giving in to their quiet argument, he left—but only after giving her a quick peck on the lips and sending me one final, sympathetic gaze.
Go with him!
It dawned on me they'd argued about who was going to keep me company for a while longer. The question was had Meg won or lost the argument?
She sat in a chair by my bedside. "I'm sorry, Stephanie, I know you were hoping—"
"It's fine!" I shot back hastily, but then the tears started.
It was anything but fine.
"Sorry, I really think I'd like to be alone."
"I understand, but Ranger thinks you shouldn't be left alone. He's more worried about you than ever. I'll only stay for little while. As soon as you fall asleep, I'll go."
"Look, Meg—I appreciate that you were there for me. It made it easier, but I'm a big girl and—oh my God!"
The sudden realization stabbed my heart.
"What?" she asked worriedly.
My eyes filled with aching resignation.
"I have to tell Joe. How am I going to tell him 'no' after I got his hopes up? I can't have Ranger do it. Can you imagine him hearing it from another guy—especially Ranger?"
I knew immediately what had to be done.
"Meg, you have to go there as his wife to tell him."
Her eyes widened. "Me? I hardly think I'm the one you want—"
"Who else? There is no one else. No one knows Joe and I are even together—except Eddie, and he can't go there! It has to come from you."
"I understand there aren't many people who are in on this, but surely there has to be another way," she stammered awkwardly.
"No! You are the way."
I couldn't believe I was asking her for more favors, but all I cared about was Joe being given the news as gently as possible. On some level, Meg understood what having a baby meant to us, and I didn't want the devastating result blurted out to him harshly or insensitively.
"Please, Meg."
Her eyes softened. "Are you sure?"
"I am. Please—for Joe."
"Okay, I'll go if you really want me to do this," she relented. "If you're sure this is the best way?"
"He thinks of you as a friend," I admitted.
She'd been there for me. I couldn't deny that confiding her personal pain had actually helped calm and comfort me. And now she was agreeing to go to Joe and break very difficult news to him. Maybe he'd been right. Maybe I was holding onto a needless grudge.
"I really appreciate your willingness to do this for us."
She nodded understandingly, and then her lips turned up slightly.
"I have a better idea, Stephanie," she said, her eyes glowing.
"What?"
"You're the only one he'll want to hear this from. Stephanie, you have to be the one."
"How am I supposed to do that?"
"You write a letter, and I'll take it as if it's from me. Joe will know the minute he sees your handwriting who it's really from, and then he can write back to you. You two can exchange letters as much as you want from now on!"
"We could?" My eyes shone at the possibility of having actual contact with Joe.
"Yes! Why the hell didn't we think of this before?"
Hope began to lift my sorrow a little. "You'll go tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow afternoon," she confirmed. "That way you'll have plenty of time to write the letter. If there's a way, I'll bring you something back from him. I promise."
"A letter from Joe?" My heart soared. It seemed too good to be true.
"Yes—it's the perfect way for the two of you to keep in touch."
"Meg, thank you. You don't know how much—" My voice broke at the thought of receiving real honest to God communication from Joe.
Meg's genuine sincerity of wanting to help us connect was clearly evident. God, having anyone in our corner right then meant a lot. My heart softened toward her. A single tear fell down my cheek, and I swiped at it quickly.
"It's okay, Stephanie. You can cry in front of me. I don't blame you one bit."
Tears cascaded down my cheeks. "I just hate disappointing him again!"
"You really wanted this for him, didn't you—even more than yourself."
"Yes. I wanted him to have a really great reason to come home."
"He already has that," she assured me. "He has you."
Meg's POV
The next day, after arguing with Carlos about going out in public sooner than planned, I finally convinced him I was going to be heading back to Joe's house anyway. What was a day or two early to make my first appearance at the prison?
Heading for NJSP with Stephanie's letter to Joe in my purse, I hoped that even though her news would be disheartening, the direct communication would at least provide some measure of solace.
I was quickly cleared through security upon arrival. No question was made as to my letter. No one even opened and scanned its contents. Instead, a call was made regarding my presence. Within seconds a prison guard appeared.
Weird.
I was then led down a narrow hallway, which led to a flight of stairs. My 'suspicion antenna' rose fast. This was not normally how prison visitation was set up. Usually, it was just beyond the door of security to ensure no extra mingling with the other prisoners. From my experience, it had never been set in a basement. Men chattered away on the other side of the wall, while the steamy, sweaty smell of laundry and fabric softener permeated the hall air.
A burley guard unlocked a door and motioned for me to enter a room. I took one look and turned around to question him.
"What the hell? This isn't the visiting section! Where have you brought me? What's going on?" I asked, demanding answers.
"Shut the hell up before I make you, bitch!" His voice was menacing and gruff, and fear gripped my stomach. I usually didn't rattle, but after my experience at Stephanie's apartment, I still spooked a little too easily. Reminding myself I was a professional and needed to keep my wits about me, I surveyed my surroundings and went into my discriminatingly sharp FBI mode.
It was NOT a normal visitor's room. It was set up with a double bed and dresser. A CD player was on the desk to the left, with an eclectic choice of oldies from the 70's and 80's—all slow, romantic music. The purpose of the room was becoming all too clear. Oh my God! It was obviously intended for conjugal visits.
What the hell?
The key turned, and I was locked inside. There were no windows and no way to escape the solid, grey concrete walls. I'd told them at the front desk I was there to see Joseph Morelli—my husband. At least Carlos knew I'd come here. He'd be expecting me back. Was I being held captive?
What possible reason could there be for this kind of treatment?
Joe's POV
Getting ready to head out for our daily outdoor, excursion time, I had to admit I was mildly curious about what information Tad Peabody might have for me. Knowing him, it could be something totally useless, but I lived for glimmers of hope these days.
I'd just found a place at the back of the line, when one of the crooked guards I'd encountered previously with Blutto grabbed my arm and steered me wordlessly away. Once out of earshot from the others, he grunted out his explanation.
"You got a visitor."
"I do? Who?"
"You'll see."
I figured it was Blutto's way of cornering me into another clandestine meeting, but this time I was pointed toward an unfamiliar passageway that led down a flight of stairs. Unlocking the door, the guard smirked at me, and my mouth fell open in total shock.
There stood my "wife", looking equally as shell-shocked.
"Okay, you two. It's fucking time. I'll unlock the door in an hour. Make it good and loud." His obnoxious grin widened, as he grabbed a chair and planted it by the door before threatening, "I'll be listening."
With my back to the guard, I gave Kate an 'are-you-shitting-me' look and then pasted a phony, lecherous grin on my own face.
"Baby! Wow, what a great surprise. Come over here!" I forced out in my most ready-to-ravish voice.
Grabbing her around the waist, I planted the now familiar but fake kisses to her chin. I turned her away from the vulgar guard, still leering at us from the open doorway.
"Honey, I've missed you so!" she murmured. Our faces parted, as we momentarily recovered from our mutual shock.
I turned to the eavesdropping interloper. "How is this possible? There aren't any conjugal visits allowed at this prison. I checked."
"I wouldn't be asking questions if I was you. You're being given special sex privileges. It's whom you know within these walls that counts, and you know someone pretty high up. Take and enjoy her with his compliments. By the way, that's an order."
He slammed the door shut, locking it on us.
"Holy shit!" I mouthed silently.
"What the hell?" she mimed silently back.
I eyed the door, half expecting it to be wrenched open by Blutto and his lowlife cronies with their buggy eyes all sickly dilated, ready to watch the action.
I shook my head. Shit! Just what I needed—a Bulgarian Godfather who'd decided to be benevolent and allow me a hot, sexual encounter with my counterfeit wife. Was the place bugged? Probably not—I doubted he'd have the clout or a place to monitor us. Somehow though he'd managed to get access to this room and obviously used it at will for rewarding those whom he deemed worthy. Or perhaps this had to do with his intimidation tactics.
How the hell could Blutto have this kind of influence?
Regardless, we had a guard outside, and even if the place wasn't equipped with surveillance devices, we had to play along. I wanted to kill that bloated, egomaniac again and again.
Kate looked around the germ-infested cesspool.
"I don't know what you're expecting or how you arranged this, but I'm not having sex with you on that bed."
She was playing high-maintenance wife now, and her eyebrows did a questioning jig.
How the hell were we supposed to pull this off?
"Who needs a bed, baby?" I asked, knowing we had to succeed somehow in convincing them we were having sex.
Warning her with my eyes to go with it, I advanced on her. We knew the drill. It wasn't our first play-it by-ear moment. Working as we both did undercover, improvising wasn't new to either of us.
"I missed you, sweetie-pie."
We simulated kissing noises.
"Jesus! I thought I was going to go without connubial sex for years!" Nuzzling my head next to her ear, I whispered, "We've got to take this all the way Kate. They can't suspect a thing."
I pulled her head to my neck, while I admonishing her loudly, "I should be mad at you for leaving me the way you did. What kind of fucking vow-keeping do you call that—dumping me for your family?"
"I know," she came back contritely. "Joe honey-God I'm sorry I left you, but I got so scared when you were arrested. And Daddy was so worried about me. He wanted me home."
She was pouring it on thick with syrup. "Forgive me sweetie—all I want is you. Do you want me too, Joe? Oh—oh—God—you do. You're not mad at me, are you baby? Mmmmm Ohhhhhh—this is what I've missed. How are we supposed to be apart forever? I want you so much."
I instructed her partly by pantomime that we needed to discard some clothing in case the pervert outside decided to try to steal a lecherous look at us.
Unbuttoning my shirt, I tossed it on the bed. I then assisted her with her jacket and threw it on top of my shirt. Next our shoes went flying along with her skirt. I motioned with my finger to follow me to the farthest corner of the room—as far away from the damned, no doubt grossly overused, bed as possible.
"How about some music, hot stuff. You know how wild and crazy I get with the right tunes."
I did as she asked. Putting in some CD's, I hoped they would drown out the whispers sandwiched in between our loud and passionately faked cries of sexual fulfillment.
"OH, Joe—you're hard for me, baby. I'm ready. Let's get this on!" She shimmed over to me and undid her blouse before tossing it on the floor near the bed.
She was down to her slip and underwear now, and I felt my eyes burn with guilt. Steph would murder me for this—never mind Blutto and his wrath.
"Katie, you're so beautiful. We're still fucking newlyweds, and I'm hot to screw you, baby! You're so damned perfect! That body of yours sets me on fire! Oh man—" I groaned out, as if being so turned on after her long absence was painful.
It was MORE than painful. It felt like we'd just scored starring roles in a bad porn movie.
"I have a letter from Steph for you," Kate whispered in my ear.
"You do? Is she okay?"
"Baby! God, oh I'm with you. I'm right there with—Ahhhhh!" she screamed, and then murmured back, "She's fine. We figured out the two of you could exchange letters, pretending she's me."
I ran my hand against the metal chair to make a screeching sound like the bed frame was whining under our gyrating bodies.
"OH, man, you drive me mad, Katie. Shit, baby—you've been gone way too longgg!"
We both made hard, fast kissing noises, panting like we were mad animals going at it and completely out of breath. I hit the wall behind me hard with my hand to sound as though we were crashing against it.
"You sure she's okay? I've been worried sick about her," I uttered into Kate's hair.
"It was a rough day for her yesterday—but she's doing fine. The last thing she wants is for you to worry."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh—that's it! Oh, honey, you know how to do things to me—Yes! YES!"
"Easier said than done. Worrying is like breathing for me when it comes to her."
I went back to playacting, hoping no one I knew would ever find out about this!
"I want you so much baby!"
I pushed her against the wall, covering my body over hers, so that nothing could easily be discerned if our personal Peeping Tom came barging in.
We gyrated against the air trying to make it look as real as possible. This was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever done—and probably ever would do. Suddenly, we both started to laugh uncontrollably.
"Oh, lover boy, you're tickling me," she said, giggling helplessly.
"I'm going to drive you insane, baby. You'll be begging for mercy soon."
Neither of us could stop chuckling silently under our breaths. It was surreal. "I'm wild about your angel thighs. You know how soft you are there. It drives me mad. I want to stay here forever—an hour's not long enough!"
It felt like a freaking eternity!
"If Carlos finds out about this, he'll want to kill you," she whispered back, blushing furiously.
"Why? I had nothing to do with it!"
Suddenly my mind put two and two together, and my mouth dropped open. "Oh my God! The two of you together—?"
Shit! Was she crazy to tangle herself up with the likes of him again?
"Yeah."
"And Steph is there while you two—?"
I started to laugh irrepressibly but silently out of nervous tension. Steph probably would want to kill me twice. I had NO idea Ranger and Meg had gotten together that way. The poor thing!
"OH, baby—YES! OH YES! Giddy up cowboy!" She slapped at the wall. "Ride me baby!"
I gave her a quizzical look. "Cowboy? Is this something you and Ranger do for fun?" I put up a hand quickly to stop her, as she opened her mouth to answer. "On second thought, I don't want to know!"
"Come on, Joey. Don't be shy—my bucking, Italian Stallion!" she cried out.
"Hate when people call me that!" I grunted through gritted teeth. "Isn't that Sylvester Stallone's nickname?" Aloud, I growled, "God! Woman you're nothing but an animal!"
"Me? You're a fucking sex God!" she said, huffing with laughter under her breath.
I shook my head vigorously, trying to hold back even more hilarity. Would either of us ever forget this most bizarre, wacko moment in our lives?
"What—goddess—am I—to you?" she asked, breathing brokenly, as if she was in the throes of passion and could barely utter the words.
"Uh—do I look like a history buff?" I shrugged.
"Play along," she hissed.
"Cleopatra!" I yelled suddenly, figuring any one of them would do.
"That's Egypt—not Greece!" Kate mumbled, catapulting into hysterical laughter again.
"Well, right now you're reminding me of the hyena's in Hercules," I whispered back, remember the damned movie I'd had to watch over and over with my niece.
"Hyena's are the Lion King!" Kate shot back snarkily, shaking her head and looking toward the heavens. "I know—believe me. I watch those movies with my nieces and nephews all the time!"
"Who the hell was in Hercules then?" I snorted back before roaring, "Fire baby—I'm smoking hot for you!" My voice was getting hoarse from the back and forth. "Wasn't it gargoyles?"
"No that was the one with Notre Dame in it," she muttered back.
"What?"
She mimicked the one-eyed, hump-backed-creature to clue me in.
"Oh yeah, baby—you're so GOOD. You know exactly what I want! Give it to me faster!"
Kate was doing some weird, gyration-dancing thing that I'd personally never seen before and suddenly my heart went out to Ranger. I could only imagine his reaction to her behavior. It was enough to set me off on another jag of laughter.
"Oh my God—you're driving me crazy woman!" I shook my head, scrunching my brows. "You turn me on. I've never seen moves like that!"
I was telling the truth. I really hadn't and hoped to God I never would again.
"OH Shit, that was good. Do it to me again, lover. We have so much lost time to make up for!"
I groaned inwardly. How the hell did actors keep a straight face?
"As many times as we can, Joey. I'm afraid they'll come and tear you away from me—oh yeah—oh more there—no less there—not so hard—over to the left. Yes, yes—oh keep going. Don't stop! Never stop! Aahhhhhhhhhhh mmmmmmm ohhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Isn't that enough? How many times and ways would they expect in an hour?" I asked her in a hushed tone.
My eyes were practically bugging out from this whole thing. I'd had enough and could tell Meg was bored out of her mind.
"I need a break, baby. I'm damned good, but I'm not a racehorse!" I confessed.
Truthfully, I was running out of passionate garbage to spout.
She went over to her purse, as if preparing to freshen-up her lipstick. Concealing the letter, she passed it to me surreptitiously, and I quickly pocketed it.
"You need to read it now. I have paper and a pen," she said, in stealth mode. "You're going to want to write back."
"Something's happened." I could tell by the warning look in her eyes.
"Sort of."
Removing the letter, I quickly read through it.
"Oh shit!"
My stomach twisted into a pretzel thinking of Steph, knowing my instincts about her had been dead on as usual.
"When did this happen?"
"Yesterday. I'm sorry Joe. I know you both wanted—"
"Is she okay? She's got to be so disappointed."
Sadness clawed at my throat, but I couldn't give into any weakness of any kind. Honestly, a part of me was relieved, because I truly hadn't wanted to miss one minute of her carrying our child. I'd given in to her, but knowing now for certain she wasn't going to be left alone to raise our child made me realize how much I'd actually been dreading it could happen.
"Yes, she is. But she's tough—like you've told me. She'll be fine."
"What about the two of you? Are you pulling one another's hair out—yet?"
Meg's POV
"It's been awkward—but—I think we've turned a corner. I was with her through most of what happened yesterday, and I hope we've reached a new understanding."
"I'm glad you were there, Kate. She needed a friend. This has to be so shitty for her. She really wanted that baby."
"I know. I never told you something, Joe. You'd already heard enough of my woes. In fact, no one, except my family, ever knew I lost a baby—Mike's baby—a week after he drowned. I understood what Stephanie might be going through. I'm glad it wasn't a miscarriage. It would've been worse if it had been."
"I hate it when she cries. Did she cry a lot?" he asked anxiously.
"No. Not in front of me. I'm not exactly someone she feels comfortable with."
"She's stubborn, but she's worth getting to know—trust me. God! I wish I could've been there with her." He was clearly struggling over not having been there when she'd needed him the most.
"She was very brave. You'd have been proud of her."
"I am—always."
"Stephanie wanted to make sure you knew as soon as possible. She was concerned about how you would take this. She felt she was disappointing you."
"I'm fine. I'm more worried about her. Is she really okay?"
"She will be once she gets a letter back from you."
I handed him the paper and a pen I'd brought, along with an envelope
"I'll keep an eye and ear out for the door. Sit and write as fast as you can. We only have a few minutes left," I whispered.
He wrote quickly, and then folded the letter before enclosing it into the envelope. Handing it to me, he smiled gratefully. "I wish I could hold her."
"I'd offer to give her a hug for you, but she'd probably look at me like I had two heads."
He laughed. "You're getting to know her pretty well."
Concealing the letter in my purse, I dressed quickly, knowing the hour from hell was just about up. The door would soon be unlocked. Shaking my head like crazy to muss my hair, I motioned for Joe to rifle through his as well. Soon he looked as though he'd just awakened. I left a couple of buttons on my blouse open to distract the guard from any kind of suspicion.
Joe's POV
We quickly embraced, so it would appear we'd hardly come up for air the entire hour.
"Times up—sounded like some good fucking went on. The Man is expecting a full report." He turned his attention on Kate. "I wish I had time to find out if you are as good as you sound."
"Back off, you bastard! That's my wife you're talking to!" I barked at him, while pushing Kat, behind me protectively.
"What makes you think you'd keep me from her if I wanted her?" the ugly-ass jerk threatened me back.
"My fists make me think that! You get her back up to the entrance, and make damned sure you keep your grimy paws to yourself. It's like you said. I have contacts high up, and you don't want to cross me!"
"Okay, relax! The boss already gave his instructions not to harm her—this time."
"I'll miss you, Joe," Kate whined longingly.
"I'll miss you too, Katie bear. Come here for one more kiss, baby doll."
We did as expected, making a huge spectacle of showing PDA to the guard. If Blutto wanted a full report; he'd get one. Kate playfully slapped my butt as she walked out the door.
I'd get her for that, though I was feeling really grateful. I had a letter from Stephanie, and she'd soon have one from me.
God, that was an hour I didn't know if I'd ever be able to purge from my mind. It'd almost felt like Blutto's eyes had been staring at us the whole time. But even he didn't have enough clout to have installed cameras in that room. The best he could have done was audio surveillance. If that was what he'd been after, we'd given him more than enough of an ear feast.
Back in my cell, I lay on my bunk and pulled out Stephanie's letter. Seeing her slanted, scrolling handwriting made me feel closer to her. I reread it, looking for hidden messages or some indication that she was really okay.
Dear Joe,
I miss you more than written word can convey. It's fine here. I'm doing better than I thought I would. I'm working on that big filing project to keep myself busy, and so far it's taken a lot of time without generating many results. But I'll never give up.
Morelli, I'm avoiding the real reason for this letter.
Our other endeavor is a no-go. I'm so sorry. I wanted to be successful in that joint commitment of ours, more than you know. Please forgive me. I don't know how to make this up to you. You have to come home soon, so I can. I want you to have every dream you've ever imagined. Seeing you have them will be the happiest moments of my life too.
Bob misses you. He's always waiting for you to walk through the door, just like me. He sleeps on your side every night.
I've realized no amount of cake or sweets will ever fill the void in my heart without you. Eddie has brought over all the deliveries you arranged. Somehow, someone here must have taken over the sticky note project, because I've found two in the last three weeks. Maybe it's Ella. She's in and out of everywhere like a ghost.
I can't tell you how much those notes mean to me. I'm feeling a little lost without you. I hope you are well and that things are going okay. I love our nine-o'clock exchanges. It almost feels as though I'm with you in that hour.
Writing to you and touching base with you this way will be so wonderful. You were right about that notorious friend of yours being nicer than I gave credit. I'm not saying we're pals, but I at least see where you were coming from.
Maybe I'm grown up now. I hope so. You deserve to come home to the best woman in the world. I want to be her more than anything on this earth.
Take care. I know you're only a thought away, and you're always in my thoughts.
Love you,
Kate.
The letter brought a huge smile to my face. Seeing her handwriting and holding something she had touched felt so damned good.
I'd read between the lines, all right. I knew her so well. She was hiding her deep regret and sorrow. We weren't going to be parents anytime soon.
I allowed myself to feel the disappointment for a moment. A part of me had been hoping for that baby. No matter how hard I'd denied it to Kate, I felt sad. I wished so much to hold Stephanie and tell her it was going to be okay. For now I could only hope my letter would comfort her the way hers had for me.
Meg's POV
Stephanie opened the door to her room as if she'd been anxiously awaiting my arrival. Her smile was tentative. Worry was clearly evident.
"Hi!"
"Hi. How are you feeling?"
"Fine. Did you see him?" she asked hurriedly.
I knew she was craving any bit of news about him.
"Yes." If she knew what I'd been up to with Joe, she'd more than likely slam the door in my face—even if it hadn't been for real.
"Is he okay?"
"He looked great. He's doing good."
"What happened? Did he read the letter?"
"Yes. Here's his to you." I handed her the envelope, and she placed it close to her heart.
"Thank you, Meg! You have no idea what this means to me!"
"I know. He felt the same way when he got yours, Stephanie."
I wanted to be truthful with her, but I knew there was no way to tell her what had transpired without worrying the shit out of her. I had to tell Carlos the truth, because what happened was related to Blutto, and in direct correlation to the fact Joe was obviously being courted to do something in return for that madman.
I'd ask Carlos' opinion about cluing in Stephanie though. Joe had promised she'd be left out of nothing, although if I were she, I'm not sure I'd want to know.
"I'll leave you to your letter. He said to tell you he loves and misses you, although he wanted to hold you and tell you that himself."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. I'll see you in a while for dinner upstairs."
I turned to leave.
"Meg—"
"Yes?" I said, turning back toward her.
"Ella brought me that cake you made. Thank you. It was delicious."
I cracked a surprised smile. "It was meant as a peace offering for my rudeness the other day. I am sorry about that." There—had that been so hard?
"It wasn't necessary. I understood your reasons."
"Well, I could have been more forthcoming with you. Besides, it gave me something to do," I admitted, knowing she'd understand.
"Well, it was really good. I love cake."
"Good. Joe told me once that you did. I'm kind of rusty at baking, so I'm glad it turned out okay."
"Rusty? I'm not even that! I don't bake at all. I have too much respect for sugar to desecrate it!" she joked.
We shared a smile. I left her to read her letter from Joe, realizing to my surprise, I was kind of starting to like Stephanie Plum.
Steph's POV
Perhaps Meg wasn't the monster I'd created her to be in my mind after all.
She'd been there for me, almost as a true friend would've been, and I couldn't deny the fact that she'd helped me through a really sad experience—not that I was over it by a long shot. Between this and knowing it'd been her idea to give Joe and me that time at the safe house, I could hardly stay in hate mode toward her any longer. Instead, I was heading toward a reluctant liking—or at least a grudging acceptance—of her.
Not wanting to dwell on the notion too much, I couldn't wait to get to Joe's letter. My hands shook as I opened the envelope, knowing he'd held both the envelope and the paper.
I immediately recognized Joe's masculine scrawl and smiled.
Dear Kate,
Don't worry—I'm doing fine.
I miss you too. More than I knew was possible.
Don't you dare blame yourself for anything! It's okay. If it were meant to be, it would've happened just as we discussed. As soon as I come home, we'll have to do our best to get things where we both want them. I wish I was there to hold you. I know you're sad but try not to be. It'll all work out for the best—you'll see. Trust me. I love you.
You've always been the perfect woman for me. My life would mean nothing without you.
The item I miss most in here is strangely not cannoli, as I suspected it would be. But boy do I have a craving for a cupcake. I've never needed anything more. Now I know you said cake could not fill the void in your heart, but strangely I feel just the opposite. A cupcake could totally satisfy me—forever. Funny, maybe you're craving Cannoli now? Chocolate chip was always my favorite. I'm sure you remember that. Best day of my life. And every one since then, spent with you, has been another best day.
I miss Bob too. Give him a pat on his mangy head and tell him to stop slobbering on the sheets.
Loving you, the way I do gets me through every single day.
Always,
Joe
Tears threatened to fall, but I found the strength to smile instead. God, I loved that man! We'd be together and have that baby someday. I had to believe it with my whole heart and soul, because Joe believed it. He'd never lie to me.
Joe's POV
Blutto summoned me the very next day, once again forcing me to miss my sunshine time.
I made my way to the same room where our first meeting had taken place. Soon I heard his labored, heaving breathing, as his legs scuffled down the hall. He entered the room, soundly locking the door behind him. He plopped into a chair, staring at me for a full minute before uttering a word.
Morelli, how you like sex I gave with hot wife."
"How do you think? It was fucking unforgettable." That much was true!
"So I heard. Giddy up!" he joked, laughing and hacking disgustingly at the same time.
The bastard had either listened in or had made sure to receive a full report.
"Vhat? You not thank me?"
"Of course. Thank you. It was an unexpected surprise. How did you pull it off?" I asked, hoping he'd be egotistical enough to want to satisfy my curiosity.
"How I do what I do—my business," he told me in no uncertain terms. His eyes narrowed, and his lips pursed into a bitter scowl.
"Sure, I get that! But man, you really have some clout around here."
I acted as though I respected his power. Fat chance—I couldn't wait to destroy him!
"Yes, that true. Don't cross me. Blutto's choice to give or take away."
"I see."
"Now you give back."
"What?" I pretended to be shocked. "You mean the fringe benefits aren't free? I didn't ask for your help. I owe you nothing!" I announced, showing my cockiness once again.
He hit his palm hard on the table. "Your wife hot number—wise you be careful. What shame you lose sexy red-headed beauty."
My back stiffened and my jaw hardened. "Is that a threat?"
A snake like, double-fanged smile returned to his face. "Told you Morelli—I do—no threats." he informed me menacingly. Snapping his chubby fingers, he added, "Wife could disappear—poof!"
I squirmed in my chair, just like he wanted me too.
"You leave her out of this! Name your damned price."
"You vill do for me."
"I will do what for you?"
"You vill perform services required."
"That depends, on what you're asking."
"Actually, Butto giving you vhat you said you vanted," he sniggered wickedly.
"What I wanted?"
"Yes, you said you vanted to kill. I vill grant wish."
"I never said that."
"Didn't you?" His depraved smirk was diabolical.
He pulled out a small tape recorder and hit play.
I listened to my own voice recorded during our last encounter, determined not to reveal how horrified I felt inside.
He shut off the taped incrimination.
"I have proof. You not lie to Blutto!"
"I didn't mean it. People say things like that all the time."
"Silence! You will do what I command!"
"You're demanding way too much. I'm not a murderer!"
"You've killed—that I know!"
"Yes, in the line of duty, when I was forced to—but not in cold blood. I'm not a killer. I'll do anything else, just not that."
"You too lily-livered to do job?"
"Of course not! But I'm in prison—behind bars. How could I even I do what you're asking?" I questioned, trying to calm the fires blazing in my stomach.
"I have ways, Morelli. You see what Blutto can do. I have power!" he cackled, like a devil whom had captured his last, lost soul.
"I was angry at the time sure! But I don't give a shit anymore. I have no desire to see anyone die."
"You do vhat Blutto say, or someone else dies!" he growled, his eyes boring a hole into my forehead.
"You can't be serious. If I get caught, I'll never get out of this hellhole! I'm not going to sacrifice the rest of my life to do what you're asking!" I had to make him see this was all about me saving my own skin.
"You vill do as I command!" he shouted monstrously. "You vill kill Stephanie Plum, or your wife vill die."