I hadn't seen Kakashi for four days and I was starting to think I'd really wrecked things between us, but come on! He'd done way worse when we first started dating, all I did was get out of hospital when I was recovered.
God knows he'd left before he was recovered plenty of times before.
Orochimaru's chakra was a constant burning sensation all over my own chakra, he crept into my nightmares promising me all manners of grisly deaths and tortures if I didn't tell him what he wanted to know. Which meant that he knew I knew something, whether he knew that I had knowledge of the future was unknown to me but he still knew I knew something important.
Had he known then? Back when I was nineteen and quaking in the woods? Back when my chakra was whole?
Probably, he called you game changer didn't he?
I still had no idea where he'd gotten that from, but I was starting to figure out that it meant I was important. I didn't want to be important, I just wanted to be a side character that maybe had her own Naruto movie with a cool storyline and an awesome battle at the end.
Maybe just a filler arc, a movie looked like it took a lot of work, filler arcs were much simpler.
For now I was shuffling around my apartment, I hadn't dared go back to Kakashi's since I knew he'd need time to cool off and then he'd train with Sasuke…although I had hoped for a little something to let me know we were alright.
It was late, but I refused to sleep tonight, those nightmares were starting to drive me nuts. If I just stayed awake, then Orochimaru wouldn't be able to mess with my head. Two weeks left till the finals. Two weeks left before I would do something really, really stupid.
In two weeks, after my fight, I was going to go and join the Third in his fight and confront Orochimaru on that rooftop. I wasn't going to be able to save the third, and nor did I want to, he had to die for things to progress well.
The night was long, but I chomped on the occasional caffeine pill to keep my body and mind alert as I inspected my private library to review some of the techniques I had collected over the years. Be they mission favours or just plain stolen I read them all.
Some of them I had mastered, others I still had a long way to go. Earth worked best in connection with fire, so I had a combination of earth and fire jutsu scroll but my fire jutsu was taking time to master.
Earth came so naturally to me, fire was just being plain stubborn.
So I sat and focused on my chakra, on feeling the flames within the earth nature I had and twisting them carefully around my home to get used to them. They didn't burn like I'd hoped but still I could feel the flickering of fire and when I peered around I saw that the edge of my coffee table was slowly burning.
I grinned and doused it with a glass of water, feeling drained but still very alert at the same time. Caffeine pills were the best.
This continued for another three nights, one the fourth day (one week three days till the finals) I met up with Sumie to discuss battle tactics.
"You'll be useless unless you sleep Sho," She scolded me, eyes flickering with concern and scorning "I can get you some sleeping pills to help?"
I shook my head "Tried that, it did nothing for me." I was holding a steaming cup of green tea and supping at it cautiously.
If Sumie was a medical ninja anything like Hiro-kun then she probably wasn't against putting sleeping herbs in drinks, just to make sure that we get the necessary sleep to function correctly. Sumie hummed and I could see her medical mind turning to think of some kind of cure for my forced insomnia, but I knew I was trapped until either a) Kakashi returned or b) Orochimaru left.
"Every time I close my eyes he's just waiting for me, Sumie it's going to kill me I know it is, he kills them all, different people every single time and I'm just…"I waved my arms around helplessly.
"Sorry to change the topic, but what I don't understand is why Kakashi makes them stop." Sumie pointed out and I shrugged my shoulders.
"Haven't the foggiest, he's just sort of been there since the start and…well I don't know maybe my chakra recognises his as being safe and can then push away any threats?" I suggest and Sumie laughed.
"You have a succinct grasp on chakra and it's nature, even for the most skilled of medical ninja this can take years to master yet it just comes naturally to you. It wouldn't surprise me if in a few years, you had mastered all four basic chakra types." Sumie seemed happy enough to tell me this but I just sent her a tired smile.
"You have good control as well though, maybe it's something the two of us share because of our…origins, shall we say." I pointed out and she hummed in thought, finishing her tea and taking my own empty cup from me.
"Still, that doesn't change the fact that you are slowly heading towards a complete emotional and physical breakdown - and don't you even think about saying otherwise your face is red and puffy I know you've been crying."
Suddenly I wanted to start crying again, the tears prickled behind my eyes because I was just so tired. Sumie saw this and was there suddenly, arms wrapped tightly around me as I sobbed into her shoulder.
"I can't do it." I sniffed "I can't do any of this Sumie, I'm not sniff I'm not strong enough!"
Sumie shushed me and cooed to me as I wept, gah I'd already been crying earlier today before I came to see Sumie I didn't want to cry anymore today!
So I cried, and I couldn't stop, and I wanted to curl up and go to sleep but I was still too afraid to sleep and damn you to hell Kakashi Hatake you selfish bastard.
"Shush now, come on I'll make you something to help you feel more alert, you'll be alright come on now." Sumie crooned and lead me to her sofa where I sat and whimpered pathetically, brushing away tears and trying to control myself.
Sumie gave me the energy drink and I guzzled it down greedily, my stomach twisted and for a moment I thought I was going to be sick but it soon settled. I hadn't been able to eat much since I'd stopped sleeping because everything made me feel sick.
A side effect of sleepless nights obviously.
"Go back to your apartment and just sit," She held up her hands before I could protest "you don't have to sleep, just rest and read for a bit. I'll have something to help you later okay?"
I nodded feebly and headed out, winding my way through the maze that was the Uchiha compound with relative ease and back out towards my own home.
My big, empty home.
I wanted to cry again.