Chapter 38: Cave-aged cell coverage

'Cobalion: DAMMIT! I TOLD Virizion to set up Virizion Wireless in Johto!'

'Ferroseed: …Virizion Wireless? Wot's that?'

'Cobalion: …you don't know it? It's a phone company my friend Virizion set up to alleviate boredom one day. And because it's here, the only thing it's used for is Xtranscievers, and even then very few people use them. And somehow, IT MAKES A PROFIT! I just don't understand it!'

'Litwick: Whoa, calm down!'

'Cobalion: …although, Rotom DID make some good games for it… eh, probably it's good overall. It's good for waiting out the technology burst.'

"..Wait, you mean the stock crash?"

'Cobalion: Yeah. The reason I went into hiding is pretty much that people weren't making as much good stuff anymore. And the rise of smartphones meant that people were taking our picture, and I like privacy. Plus, I already had this… space here, and I figured I might as well wait it out until new stuff is being made again.'

"Well… is it worth doing a big speech about how technology has improved and privacy controls enforced or can you just come? I'm going to catch you either way."

'Cobalion: …I choose option 3: a BATTLE! …but wait a second. Let me get my speakers set up…'

Cobalion's sprite headed to the wall, where a desk and computer sat. It stood there for a few seconds before heading back to its original position, putting a speaker along the way.

'Pansear: …so you have your own battle music? That you made?'

'Cobalion: Yeah! Now do all your saving stuff and BATTLE ME ALREADY!'

I walked up to Cobalion, saved, and pressed A to initiate the battle. The screen flashed twice before a green… sword thing CUT the blackness…and then the screen shattered.

Glass flew everywhere… and then got replaced with the battle screen.

'Cobalion: I've been DYING to test out that swordbot! It worked!'

The music's bass pounded heavily as I noticed the level of Cobalion: 42. That was… high. Especially compared to Unfezant's 35.

"Wow." Was all I could say.

'Cobalion: Wait for the mail loop of the music to start! I got SM64 soundfonts!'

'Ferroseed: Essem Wots?'

The main track began playing with an almost clanging sound, like SM64's metal cap music.

'Cobalion: Like it?'

"Yes, totally! Now we begin attacking each other!"

Cobalion started off with Retaliate, a solid move that took out a quarter of Unfezant's HP. She Flew up, avoiding a 'Sacred Sword' attack, and hit for about a sixth of HP.

'Unfezant: Ow! The speakers are hurting my ears!'

Cobalion retaliated with… helping hand?

'Cobalion: What? Does clapping skip my turn? I haven't had a battle in AGES…'

'Dewott: No, clapping is using Helping Hand, a move which is only good in double battles. A new invention.'

'Cobalion: So now I use a Swor-'

'Stoutland:Is the music slowing down or is it just me?'

'Cobalion: What? Dammed lag spikes! And now autospeed is going to speed it up in compensation, ruining the part! Dammit!'

Unfezant's Fly got Cobalion down to half of HP, while the music sped up, adding a piano track as well. After a little bit it slowed down, keeping the piano. Another Fly and a Quick Attack got Cobalion into red HP.

'Pansear: Ok! Begin pelting the super-awesome legendary pokemon with balls!'

'Cobalion: Wait, WHAT?'

I threw a Dusk Ball, which Cobalion got out of right away.

'Cobalion: Hey! That was a headshot! Doesn't count!'

"So does this?" I asked, throwing an Ultra Ball.

'Cobalion: Yep, but I get to use my IRON HEAD!'

This managed to faint Unfezant, so Stoutland got sent in, a Moomoo milk restoring HP.

'Cobalion: But you've left yourself open! SACRED SWOOORD!'

A blue line cleaved through Stoutland, leaving her with 17 HP.

'Cobalion: Oh yes, did I mention it was a fighting-type move? Probably no- hey, where's that other music coming from?'

'Stoutland: That's the in a pinch music. And it plays when I have red HP. Like now. So when Kyle uses a Moomoo milk and restores my HP (hint hint) like…so…. The music resumes.'

'Cobalion: But what happens if I critical hit? SACRED SWOOORD! Take that!'

Of course, this critical hit and Stoutland fainted. So in came Pansear. And another Ultra Ball, which shook once…twice…three times… and burst.

'Cobalion: Ow! That was hard to get out of- oh wait, new tweet? Oh! Ha ha. Nice green screening. Aaand send reply. Ok, back to the battle.'

'Stoutland: You know, I think it's illegal to text and battle.'

'Cobalion: No it's not. And it's not like I'm driving.'

My next ball was a Timer Ball.

'Ferroseed: Wot's a Timer Ball?'

'Pansear: Don't you remember- oh, you weren't there. It is easier to catch a pokemon in a battle that's gone on for a long time. Like now!'

The ball opened right away, opening Pansear up for a fainting Sacred Sword. I sent in Litwick next, because due to him being a ghost type, Sacred Sword wouldn't hit her.

'Cobalion: DAMMIT! Why do I keep using Helping Hand by mistake? I need a TM. Or maybe just cam-foil. Nah, wouldn't work.'

My next Ultra Ball shook once…twice…thrice… and caught?

'Litwick: Yay! We got a legendary Cobalion!'

'Cobalion: Ugh! You win. Good job, by the way. And don't name me anything; my name is Cobalion. Oh wait, aren't I going to go to the PC?'

'Pansear: Yep…goodbye!'

'Cobalion: Wait! Nonono! I've got to tell the others to open the gates! …I wonder if I can hack the PC system inside it…'

And those were Cobalion's last words before being transported to the PC system.

When I was greeted with the overworld, the old man from before came up. 'It seems that thanks to you, Cobalion has sensed a change in the world. And therefore, I can now try catching Virizion and Terrakion, as the obstacles separating them from people were gone.

And by using an Escape rope, I finally got out of Misaltron cave. Oh, and with a geeky legend too.

A/N: I had SO MUCH FUN writing Cobalion. References galore, and really, just making him a geek was enough to make me laugh. And ever wondered where the different legend music comes from? Speakers!

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