I am still there!

Hey guys, sorry it took me so long, but my beta did not answer. Seems like she has some problems with the computer. Normally she´s really reliable, but she did not even downloaded the new chapters I sent her. Short: Every mistake inside is mine and mine alone. XD

I hope that you did not give up on me because it took so long.

Many thanks to all the reviewers.

Islanda: I think you need to wait some other chapters until you know what´s wrong with Charlie (I think it will be the Tom chapter)

THEcheeseluver12: Thank you for the review. Hehe...update soon, okay I am sorry it took such an eternity.

strawberry-sunset194: Thanks for the review. Yeah, it´s good Jake changed a bit, huh?

fussyrussy: 100 reviews, yeah!

Chapter 38: The foolishness of a heart (Sarah)

During lunch on Thursday I sat down next to Joe Jefferson. He looked up and said „Hello".

„Hi", said I. „What about Cappi´s today?"

He watched his plate again, picked his potato more then three times, moved it through the sauce and looked up then again. „Why you want to go out with me?", he asked.

„I like you."

He nodded, then he let out a soft laughter and looked down on his plate again. While eating his potatoes, he seemed to think about it and my heart suddenly hurt when I recognized that there was only one reason why he thought for so long. He did not like me.

„We don´t need to go to Cappi´s", I said then. „What would you like to do?"

„I wanted to do roller skating this afternoon."

„Can I come with you?"

He shrugged. „If you want to."

„Shall we meet at the hall?", I asked. He shrugged again. „Sure."

„At three p.m.?"

„Okay. But I´ve to go to work at six."

„No problem."

At quarter to three I stood in front of the hall and waited. Joe came at five minutes to three, from the inside.

„Hey, did you wait long?", he asked.

I shook my head and we went inside.

He lent me the skates which was really nice and he wanted to help me into them, but, hey, I´m Sarah Baker, I can do this.

Music from the fifties and sixties (I think it were the fifties and sixties) came out of big loud speakers, a few people were on the floor to skate but most of the (really not much) people were sitting at the tables round the floor. Someone called Joe´s name and he waved at him, but I did not see who it was.

Skating through the disco light was adorable.

The flash lights walked around the floor, the music sounded calmly once and then again it pushed you up. Joe was a really good skater. He showed me some moves and then I showed him some tricks I normally do on skates on the streets.

„You´re good", he told me.

„I´m not as good as Jake." The words flushed out of my mouth and after I recognized what I´ve said, I clashed my hand over my mouth and stopped skating.

„What´s wrong?" Joe gave me a worried look.

I´m sorry. I wanted to say when I recognized, that Joe did not knew Jake. Not really, perhaps a bit, but – he had no emotional bounding to him. He had no emotional bounding to my family at all.

He had came in front of me and took my hand. „You´re looking pale. Are you okay?"

Nodding, I tried to move on, but suddenly I fell down, or, I would have fell down if Joe would not have caught me before I hit the floor.

„Perhaps you should get some fresh air", he said and took my hand to lead me off the floor. He helped me putting my skates off and lead me out into the cold air.

Escaping the sticky air in the hall I took a few deep breathes before I calmed down.

„Everything alright?"

Joe really was worried about me. That was strange. No one was worried about me.

„Yeah, everything alright", I told him, but he did not seem to be convinced.

„Come on", I told him. „Let´s just walk a while."

We walked through the streets, I forwards, he backwards, regarding me, his hands in his pockets, following every step I took.

„What´s your favourite colour?", he asked.

„What?"

„What´s your favourite colour?"

I had to laugh. „Why do you want to know this?"

He shrugged. „Perhaps to learn something about you." Suddenly he started to let every third of his steps being a jump. It looked adorable.

„What are you doing?", I laughed.
„Jumping. But you´ve not answered my question."

Raising my eyebrows I regarded him sceptically.

„I wanted to know what your favourite colour is", he remembered me.

„I don´t know. Blue perhaps."

„You don´t know?" He had stopped jumping but he still walked backwards so he could watch me.

„I don´t think it´s so important."

Joe´s head jerked up and he regarded the sky. „The sky is blue. So, it´s important, because, if you like blue, you like the sky. But what if you´re favourite colour is – pink. What do you like then? Pink panthers?"

I stopped walking and watched him for a while. He did not notice that I stood still now, because he still watched the sky and walked on.

„Blue was my brother Jake´s fav colour."

Joe did not stop walking immediately. He became slower first, with every step before he stood completely still. He turned his head to look at me again and asked:

„And why that´s important for blue being your favourite colour?"

„Because – just because."

My head jerked around, away from him, to hide the tears that were coming. My hands were formed to wrists and I bit my lip.

„You´re sad Sarah?" He asked it so innocent as a child and for a moment he reminded me of Mike.

I started to shook my head. „No – no. I had a lot of fun today. It was great."

Suddenly he was there, standing in front of me. He took my chin and made me look at him with a soft force.

„I did not want to make you cry. I´m sorry. Perhaps you should go."

But I shook my head again. „I don`t wanna go."

I watched him, not crying anymore. „I would like to stay with you."

He smiled softly. „And what would the lady like to do?"

Behind the lake in the park was a little wood. So small that – actually it were just a few trees standing there. Waiting for the end of time. Joe took me there and we sat down on the floor, so we could watch the lake.

We sat there in silence, in the shadow of the trees and I felt calm.

A few ducks were walking in front of us and I had to laugh because they really looked stupid the way they were walking.

„You´re okay now, Sarah?"

I nodded and turned my head to face him. Joe Jefferson looked good. He had dark eyes and something childish but still he looked like a boy of seventeen years. His skin was a little too pale, but I think it just seemed so because his hair was so dark.

And suddenly, in the shadow of the trees, I kissed him. It was a short kiss. So short that in the next moment I could not tell if it had been real, but he kissed me back. Only once.

Then he took my hand and watched the lake again.

When I came home I had only one hour to be ready for my date with Bobby Urban.

I put on my sexiest top and some make up and then the bell rang.

Taking one last look into the mirror I walked down the stairs slowly, seeing mother opening the door. I was glad my father wasn´t at home now for a moment, because I thought he sure would gone crazy seeing Bobby being my date, but then I told myself that, actually, Dad would not have cared anyway. No one cared.

Bobby did not have „prepared" in anyway, he still wore the same old lether jacket he wore everyday and a worn out jeans. But he smiled when he saw me.

„You look good", he said.

„Thanks."

„I did not change much", he said, „but hey – we´re going in a movie. The cinema´s dark, huh?"

I nodded and he leaded me outside to his car, an old, black one which looked – damaged.

„Wow", I said.

He just grinned and opened the door for me.

We drove in silence because, whatever he said, I was not able to answer and so he gave up.

Entering the cinema he had grown so silent that I was getting worried. Bobby Urban could not be silent.

„I´m sorry I didn´t said so much back in the car, I -"

„It´s okay."

I waited in front of the movie room while Bobby bought popcorn and coke.

Some guy was cleaning the carpet and suddenly I recognized it was Joe.

All I could do was starring at him and then he looked up and saw me.

„Ehm-", I made.

„Hey", he said, „what you´re doing here?"

Lie, lie, lie! My head told me.

„I am -"

Suddenly someone grabbed my shoulder from behind and I got a shock. But it was just Bobby.

„Hey Jefferson, you work in a cinema?", he greeted Joe.

Joe looked from me to Bobby and from Bobby to me before he answered.

„Yes, I do."

Bobby nodded. Then he talked to me. „Shall we go in?", he asked.

All I could do was nodding, but when we turned around, I still looked at Joe and wanted to make him clear that this, this between Bobby and me, that this was nothing.

I could not concentrate on the film. I definitely couldn´t.

My head was working to much, thousands of thoughts flew around.

„I need a toilette", I told Bobby and left the hall.

Outside I could not find Joe anywhere. I wanted to explain everything to him, but I did not found him, so I really walked to the toilette.

Inside, I watched at myself in the mirror for a long while. My whole face, my robe. I took some water and splashed it over my face, then I starred again.

Suddenly there was a knock.

„Sarah? Are you in there?" It was Bobby.

I did not answer.

„Sarah?"

„Yes, I´m here."

Silence. But only for a moment.

„Are you okay?", he asked and he really sounded worried.

„Yes, I am."

„You come out then?"

I shook my head, but then I noticed that he could not see it. Taking a deep breath, I wondered what was wrong with me. I did not find an answer, so I walked over to the door and opened it.

Bobby really stood in front of it and he really looked worried.

„You´re really okay?"

I nodded. Breathing out loud, I leant at the door and watched him.

„What?", he said.

„Nothing." And I watched my shoes.

„Don´t lie, Sarah. I know there´s something wrong – is it about this date? Do you wanna go home?"

My head jerked up. „No!", I almost screamed.

Bobby´s shoulders raised and fell down then, and he licked his lips.

„Is it about Joe Jefferson?"

I did not want to look at him. „Perhaps – but, Bobby, I -"

„You don´t need to explain." He was sad, I could tell that. He did his best to hide it, but I saw it.

He was really sad. So I raised my hand and stroke his chin. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath. „Sarah -"

„Shh-", I said.

He could not destroy this moment. Because in this moment, Bobby Urban looked so sweet and innocent and – hot. I wondered why he wasn´t like this in school and what made him built up the walls he built up. My fingers stroke his chin, then my thumb found his lips. They were soft.

„May I kiss you?", I asked.

His eyes opened immediately and he frowned. „Would you really wanna do this?", he asked.

I did. I really wanted to kiss him. And I did. Once, twice, then the kisses became longer. I pulled his shirt and leaded him into the toilette where I threw him at the wall and kissed him deeply, he answered my kisses, stroke my hair, then his hands moved upwards until they found the button of my shirt. It felt good, it felt so endless good.

But suddenly, he stopped and I opened my eyes. He watched me sadly and bit his lips.

„What?", I asked. My breath was sharp. My heart beat twice as fast as normal and I hoped with all my possibilities, that it wanßt because he did not found me attractive.

„I – I like you Sarah", he said. „I really do. I just don´t wanna destroy this. And I don´t want you to do something you´re not really sure if your really want to do it. It´s our first date and -"he took a deep breath - „I thought it could be something normal. Normal for everyone, but – special for me. I don´t want you to be any girl."

I moved backwards to regard him from the distance. He said the truth, I decided.

But I had no idea what to do with the truth. So I gave him a quick kiss and ran off.