The Sigh of Mathias Køhler II - In Which Stuff Is Got For Free

Ok, I take it all back. There was no reason to be psyched at all. As I entered the clubroom the next day, I noticed exactly what Mathias had scrawled all over the whiteboard... and it made less sense than a PhD paper. I could already feel a bitter taste in my mouth...

'SOS Brigade Movie'

'Ultra Director: Mathias Køhler!' Of course. By the way, excessive exclamation marks make you look stupid. Don't do it.

'Lead: Tino Väinämöinen' Ugh. I thought so. Tino really was Mathias' victim.

'Other Lead: Berwald Oxenstierna' Hmm... good luck getting Berwald to act. Also, Tino and Berwald as the leads? Who would have guessed?

'Supporting Character: Eirikur Steilsson' No doubt Eirikur's going to be the villain. Which I may or may not agree with.

Where am I on all this? Let's see- oh, come on!

'Assistant Director/Gathering equipment/Running around/Doing what I say/Other menial tasks: Norge'

'Mathias, what's that supposed to mean?' I asked. I mean, seriously? Why do I always end up as the slave around here?

'Exactly what it says!'

'A-am I really supposed to be the main character?' Tino was already trembling. This wasn't a good sign, in case you hadn't guessed. 'I'd rather not-'

'Of course you are! Besides, you're kinda the mascot, so who better?' Mascot? Why? Ok, sure, he's cute, but he's still a person! Maybe Mathias should remember that once in a while.

'But I've never acted before...'

'Oh, I'll direct everything. It'll be fine!' I'm surprised we haven't suffocated from Mathias' overinflated head by now... 'By the way, where are Eirikur and Berwald? They know this takes priority!'

Yeah, funny, that... funny that Tino and I are here on time, despite the way this idiot treats us most of the time, yet those two aren't. Maybe they're the sensible ones- no, they're not. Mathias could easily make their lives hell for not showing up. And I'm stuck in class with him, so there's no way I could possibly escape anyway.

Hey, wait a second.

'Tino? Is it ok that you're here and not in class?'

'Ah, joo! I'm just a waiter so all I'm needed for is to be fitted for the costume! I'm actually kinda looking forward to it!' So all these enforced cosplay sessions with Mathias really have gone to his head, huh... At least there he'll be wearing something more appropriate for the occasion.

Come to think of it, I don't want to know what Mathias is going to force Tino into for the movie...

'If ya wanted to be a waiter, you could have asked! I can get something easy!' Mathias was currently leaning across the table into Tino's face... until he turned to face me, that is. 'Hej, Nor? What's the one thing ya need before ya start filming?'

'Hmm...' Now here's a dilemma. Do I go with the obvious answer, inadvertently giving Mathias ideas, or do I make a smartass comment..? 'An original idea and a decent script?'

Smartass comment, obviously. What did you expect?

'Well, those are useful, but I was talking about a camera!' Oh. Of course. Ja. 'So that's our mission for today - find a video camera!'

To eBay! Nei, stupid idea. Mathias was going to drag us over to a store, wasn't he?

'U-uh... I've just remembered I need to do something... so can I go back to class-' Tino was edging his way towards the door. Frankly, Tino, I admire your efforts, but it's useless to resist Hurricane Mathias.

'Shut up and sit down.' Tino hurriedly obeyed. Mathias can be scary when he wants to be. 'Don't worry! It's not like I'm gonna use you to pay! I just need some help! They'll take us more seriously if we've got the lead with us!'

Every time Mathias tells us not to worry, it only makes me worry more... usually it means he's planning something. Something bad.

'You too, Nor! You're going to carry stuff!'

Argh. Mathias is both taller and stronger than me. Why can't he do something for a change?

Well, it's supposed to be autumn, but with weather like this it still feels like summer. It's like the seasons just forgot to change. Get a move on, seasons! I'm boiling down here!

...I knew it. Mathias was dragging us over to a store. Three train stops after we'd left school, we arrived in the city. It was pretty close to where Tino and I took a walk that one time... that feels like so long ago now. It's slightly scary exactly how much has happened over the past few months. Scary... but I'm not complaining.

Hmm... 'Héderváry Electronics', eh? Wasn't that Elisaveta's last name? What a remarkable coincidence. Looks like this is where Mathias is getting all his equipment from... how's he going to do it, though?

Speaking of coincidence, guess who was in charge of the store that day? Elisaveta herself. It's probably a part-time job or something, and it was after school, but you have to wonder about some things.

Mathias ordered us to stay at the entrance while he went to talk to Elisaveta. She'd probably know all about us and our reputation, so whether she'd hand over a camera willingly or not... It's difficult to tell. Mathias kept gesturing in our direction. Don't tell me he's using us as leverage... well, he's going to try and get it for free, isn't he? Yep... he's the sort of person that thinks the whole world agrees with him. If you want to go faster than light? Just take Mathias on your ship. He'll ignore the laws of physics for you.

'Nor!' he called from inside. 'Give your stuff to Tino and come over here!'

What did he need me for? I'm just menial tasks, remember? Still, I handed my bag over to Tino and entered the shop. Mathias quickly grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into a hug. What the hell, Mathias?

Of course, Elisaveta had a reputation of her own... standing there with a camera in her hands, taking pictures of the two of us? Yeah, she was well known as a bit of a pervert, particularly when it came to guys.

'Ok, that's great! Here, take the camera you wanted!' She handed the video camera over to me with a huge smile on her face... and with that, Mathias and I left.

'Why?' I asked, more than a little bit irritated. 'Was that part of the deal?'

'Nah, she just wanted pictures. I told her we were shooting a movie and she let us have it, no problem!' No problem now, maybe... later was a different question.

'But why did you need to drag me in for photos? Those'll be ending up around school within a week!' As if I don't get enough people asking if we're dating... thanks, Elisaveta.

'Great! More publicity!'

'But I'm not in your stupid movie!'

'Who cares?'

'I do!'

'Oh, stop worrying, Nor! Just be my subordinate and everything will be fine!'

I'm tempted just to drop this camera, but I don't want to have to pay for it properly.

'Now come on! Next store!'

Wait, there's more? Someone shoot me now...

The next store was full of weapons. The man in charge was some grumpy Swiss guy who looked like he'd used a fair few weapons in his time. Yeah, good luck getting something for free from him, Mathias...

With the exception of the camera incident, it seemed like whenever Mathias was pointing at us, he was actually pointing at Tino. Despite his earlier promise, Tino was probably going to end up as the currency for all this stuff we were getting...

'Here we are!' Mathias came out of the second shop, huge grin plastered on face, with two large boxes, which he promptly dropped into my arms. Damn, they were heavy!

'Dare I ask what we'll be using these for?'

'For our action scenes, of course! Nothing's more entertaining than gunfights like that! Maybe we could blow up a whole building!' Well, a coherent plot is usually entertaining enough, although I will admit that blowing stuff up is a lot of fun. Far too many chemistry lessons have taught me that.

'What am I meant to do with all this stuff anyway?'

'It's too late to go back to school now, so just bring them to the clubroom tomorrow!'

'U-uh, did you want me to do something?' Tino raised his hand a little.

'Nah. We're done for today!'

Well, you heard him. Køhler activities are over for the day. Result: one camera, two guns, and a whole bunch of embarrassing photos courtesy of our school's resident Hungarian pervert. No doubt Feliks will be the first one to mention it to me. Either him or Eirikur.

They say there's nothing scarier than free stuff... and Mathias doesn't appear to be scared of anything. Any ideas?

A/N: I love you guys. Seriously. [Oh yes, I am definitely doing Disappearance. When it gets to that point, of course. I'm going by the parts that have been animated, mostly, so it'll be a while yet...]

This week on the Cameo Show: Hungary and Switzerland! ...Well, who else are they going to get a camera and guns from? *shot'd* [Also, format fail. Sorry.]

Next chapter, Tino's in the spotlight... whether he likes it or not.

Until next time, ciao~