Okay, so I'll be moving to an every-other-day posting schedule from here on out. Sorry I didn't post yesterday, but I now have two part-time jobs, so that's fun. Yay ...

Also a quick Enochian review because there's quite a bit in here:

Le pas enay — my little angel
Li mohaoth — my love(r)
Iaida turs — most beautiful

July 2nd, 2012

Northern Indiana

Alex tipped back another beer, frowning as Sam finished his fifth one that night. Dean was on the bed beside her, head lolling back against the pillows, eyes closed. Alex shifted her hand, where Dean's fingers were tightly threaded through hers, making a soft noise of amusement when his hand tightened; Dean was always funniest when he got this drunk.

"You have such small hands." Dean held up his left hand, motioning for Alex to do the same, and with a roll of her eyes, she did, fitting her palm over his and lining up her thin fingers with his calloused ones. She only got to study the difference for a second before his fingers slipped between hers, closing down over the back of her hand.

The Winchester grinned, and Alex rolled her eyes, letting a small smirk grace her lips. "Very clever, Dean," she praised, not bothering to try tug her hand free. "That's a good one."

"I know," the hunter slurred, settling further down into the pillows. "Imma take a nap."

"Dude, you are hammered," the angel laughed as Dean closed his eyes. "Yeah, you take a nap, Dean. That's a really good idea..."

Alex looked over at Sam, who was still staring at the tv, unblinking. Lucifer sat by his feet, legs crossed. He was staring at Sam, having barely spoken since Sam got back from wherever he had been.

"You doing okay?" Alex finally asked, looking over at her friend as he got up and walked over to the cooler. "Maybe you should lay off of them. Five's enough." After a glanced at the devil she added, "If anything more is just going to make it worse."

Lucifer chuckled from where she sat. "Hear that, Sam?" he said in a mock whisper, a hand going up to cover his mouth. "She thinks you've only had five. I guess you weren't going to mention that you've already been to two bars tonight."

"I'm going for a walk." Sam reached for his jacket, fingers missing the first time as he tried to grab the collar, and Alex sat up in concern when he finally got a hold of it, throwing it under his arm. "Stay here."

"Sam? No."

Lucifer stood up, shrugging over at Alex with a grin on his face. "I guess we're going for a walk." When Alex got to her feet he tsked. "Ah ah. You heard the man. Stay there." His grace bubbled up inside of her, and Alex winced at the twinge of chill that ran up her spine. She could feel Lucifer's grace reaching out from Sam, and her vision swam, eyes coming in and out of focus. The angel's eyelids grew heavy, and Alex stumbled back, tripping over her own feet before she landed back on the bed as darkness washed over her.

...

She awoke when Dean's phone started to ring. Alex rubbed her head with a groan, ripping herself free from Dean's iron-like grasp to find his cell on the ground beside her. She didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyways. "Uh . . . hello?"

"Is this Dean Smith? My name's Dr. Kadinsky; I'm calling about Sam."

Alex sat straight up, eyes wide. "Sam?" she repeated. "Is he okay?"

"Is Dean there?"

"He's still sleeping. This is Sam's girlfriend —" Alex cut off with a wince at how bad that probably sounded, and cast a glance down at Sam's brother, still passed on in the bed beside her. "Uh, Alex. My name's Alex. What's wrong with Sam?" She reached over and shook Dean's shoulder, and he groaned out his protest. She pressed the phone into her shoulder. "Get up, you ass," she hissed. "Something's wrong with Sam." She put the phone back up against her ear. "Where is he?"

"Sam is here at Northern Indiana State Hospital, but I don't —"

"We'll be right there." Alex snapped the phone shut and jumped out of bed. "Dean. Dean." Alex put her hand on the hunter's forehead in a death grip and shoved her burning grace inside. Dean's eyes snapped open, and Alex repeated herself. "Dean, come on. Sam's hurt. We have to get down to the hospital now."

The Winchester's face went blank with alarm before it darkened. "Dammit," he cursed, rolling out of bed, and Alex grabbed her duffle bag. "Five minutes," she said as she hurried towards the bathroom. "We're leaving in five."

...

Alex followed Dean into the doctor's office at Northern Indiana State Hospital. "Okay, sir? You can't just barge in here without an appointment!" A nurse hurried after them, and Alex flared her black and gold wings angrily.

"They said, 'talk to Kadinsky'!" Dean turned to the doctor, who was sitting at his wooden desk, gaze going between Alex and Dean. "You Kadinsky?"

"You need to be scheduled!" the nurse continued.

Dean spun to face the nurse. "Then schedule me!" he yelled, and the room fell silent. Dean turned back to the man sitting behind the desk. "He was in a car crash. Why the hell can't I see him?"

"You're Sam Smith's brother?" Dr. Kadinsky looked up. He took off his glasses and looked over at Alex. "And you must be his girlfriend. We talked on the phone."

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

"Yeah. What's going on?" Dean insisted.

"It's fine." Dr. Kadinsky dismissed the nurse standing behind them. "Thank you. Really." Alex watched the nurse leave before turning back to the doctor, arms crossed. "Sam was admitted," Kadinsky informed them. "He was treated for a broken rib and lacerations."

"Okay. That's not too bad. And?"

"And he's on our locked psychiatric ward," the doctor finished, standing up.

Alex saw Dean stiffen in surprise. "I mean, he's had some trouble . . ."

"So you're aware Sam is experiencing a full-blown psychotic episode?"

"Psychotic?" Dean glanced at Alex. "Come on. The guy's . . . it's not like the guy's freakin' Norman Bates." Alex nodded in agreement.

"No. I'm sure he isn't," the doctor conceded. "We need to determine whether his state was brought on by his insomnia or whether the insomnia is a symptom of his condition. Do you understand? So we can figure out how to treat him. Has there been any big changes in his life?" He looked over at Alex, an eyebrow raised to emphasis his question. "Anything that may have caused this psychotic break?"

"I . . . I don't know." Alex looked up at Dean and shrugged. "I guess . . . work has been kind of stressful, but that's not new."

Dean mimicked her shrug. "Well, all I can say is this sleep thing is kind of new."

"Right. Well, we've pumped him about as full of sedatives as we safely can. So far he won't go under. I've never seen anything like it," the doctor added disbelievingly.

Alex nodded understandingly. After a moment, she spoke."Can we see him?" she asked quietly.

The doctor nodded, and put down his pen. He stood up and led them out of his office and up a flight of stairs. They paused by a door marked Ward D2. Alex watched him push a button, and the door opened. They stepped inside and continued to walk down the hall. The doctor stopped at a door on the left. Dean looked inside. "I'm just sayin'." Alex's feathers ruffled at the familiar voice. "Back when you had no soul, you never had to sleep."

The doctor turned the doorknob, and Dean and Alex stepped through. Inside, Sam was laying on a single bed, dressed in all white. Alex narrowed her eyes in sympathy. He looked terrible; his hair was uncombed, and the circles under his eyes darker than ever. He barely looked up when they entered, attention fully focused on the far wall. She felt Dean tense at the sight of his brother.

"Ah, Mr. Helpless. Pull up a six-pack, buddy."

Alex glanced to her right to see Lucifer propped up on a metal table, back against the wall and feet on the chair. He had a loop of string woven between his fingers, and he grinned over at the visitors before his gaze dropped back down to it.

Dean didn't hear him, and walked further into the room, and Alex hurried after him, stopping a few feet away from Sam's bed as Dr. Kadinsky closed the door to give them some privacy. "How are you feeling?" Dean asked, completely unaware of the devil in the corner.

"Maybe you should cancel my UFC fight," Sam joked tiredly, gaze sliding over to Alex.

"Yeah. You keep that sense of humor. It'll get you through this." Lucifer chuckled at his own joke, and Alex flared her wings angrily.

Dean walked around to sit on the edge of Sam's bed. "Sam, I'm going to find you help," he promised quietly. Sam sighed, and lowered his gaze.

"Now that sounded a little cynical." When no one acknowledged him, the devil frowned. He stood up, bored with Sam, and walked over to Alex, who pointedly ignored him.

"— I don't think it's out there," Sam was saying.

Lucifer tried to touch Alex, but his hand slid through her shoulder, not even brushing against her grace. His brow furrowed in disappointment; however his voice remained light. "Alex," he said playfully. "Glad you're here." Alex ignored him, and Lucifer frowned. "Come on, Alex, talk to me. I'm booored. " He dragged the word out as he walked around to stand in front of her.

Alex huffed, trying to see around him.

"You know, I miss our little times together, me, you, rattling about in your noggin," Lucifer continued, leaning slightly so he was blocking her sight. "I really do. Just ask Sam — he's been hearing all about it, you know." The devil looked thoughtful for only a second. "You do start to run out of things to talk about after five days."

Alex looked over his other shoulder to see Dean stand up. "Yeah, Sam. I remember," he was saying.

Lucifer moved again, his head directly in front of Alex's. She raised an eyebrow and mouthed the word out. She turned her attention to Dean when he punched his hand. "Get pissed!" he yelled.

"I'm too tired," Sam sighed, his eyes half closed. "This is what happens when you throw a soul into Lucifer's dog bowl. And you think there's just going to be some cure out there?"

Dean didn't respond, and the devil turned to look at the two brothers. "Oh," he finally said, "you guys are having a moment."

"Oh, shut up," Alex finally snapped, wings flaring out in agitation. She stalked around Lucifer to stand by Sam's bed.

Dean got up, shooting her a look. "I'll be outside," he said, voice resigned, and Alex nodded.

"Yeah," she agreed, "sounds good. I'll be right there. Just give me a minute." She waited until Dean had closed the door behind him before she sighed, looking down at her feet. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"It's not your fault."

"I wish I could get back inside your head," Lucifer complained, taking up his spot on the desk. "I mean, our little dreams weren't enough, but at least there you talked to me." Neither Sam nor Alex even looked at him, and he devil crossed his arms. "In case you care, I do protest to being treated like this."

"Yeah, I don't think any of us care," Alex shot back over her shoulder, sitting down on the bed beside Sam.

"You know, talking to him's the reason I'm here." Even the hunter's voice sounded tired, and Alex reached out, placing her hand over his and letting her grace push gingerly inside. Lucifer's pushed back in warning, and the angel pulled away.

"He can't get in unless I let him," she promised, gently squeezing his hand. She glared back at the devil and added, "And thank God for that, huh?"

Lucifer got off of the table and approached, and Alex stood to even the height as the archangel's face darkened. "I'm getting tired of your attitude," he warned, reaching out.

Alex instinctively batted his hand away, eyes going wide in surprise as contact was made. "Holy fuck," she breathed out.

The archangel's face twisted in confusion, and he reached out, hand passing straight through hers. "How did you do that?" he demanded.

"I . . . I don't know how." Alex reached out and poked the archangel in the forehead and then moved to grab him by the shoulders. Each time the archangel felt real beneath her fingertips, but only when she moved to touch him.

"A little lower," he quipped when she poked him in the stomach. Alex kicked him in the shins. "Ow!" The devil jumped away, a hurt look on his face.

Alex smirked, then cast a look towards the door before turning around and sinking onto the bed beside Sam with a blush. "Oops. Doctor's watching. That probably looked weird." She cast a quick glance to see Dr. Kadinsky peering through the window before dipping her head in embarrassment and turning back to the Winchester.

"You know what's more weird?" Lucifer moved back to his table. "You. It's been, what? Four months without your mate? Must be getting pretty desperate."

"Can we not? I'm fine, Luce. Anyways." She turned back to Sam. "I should be going. You need to sleep." She stood up to go, but Sam grabbed her hand.

"Yeah," Lucifer agreed, "too bad the devil won't leave you alone. Stupid Satan."

Sam ignored him. "Maybe . . . maybe you could stay? You know, flick him when he gets too annoying?" Alex let out a small smile at him joke, and Sam's head fell back against the white pillows, and he hesitated before choosing his next words. "Take care of Dean, okay?"

"No, Sam. I promised you I was going to find you help. You're not going to die, okay?"

To her dismay, the Winchester shook his head. "I don't see any other way out of it," he admitted. "I haven't slept for six days."

Alex's heart twisted in sympathy, and she closed her eyes before taking a deep breath and turning to face the devil. "Okay. You say you're real, right?" She already knew the answer, and when Lucifer hummed in agreement she added, "Alright. I'll make you a deal."

Lucifer raised his eyebrows. "Make a deal with the devil?" He clicked his tongue, but Alex didn't miss the guarded interest that flashed through his eyes. "You sure about that?"

"Shut up. Do you want to hear it or not?"

"No." Sam grabbed Alex's hand and tugged her towards him. "Don't do this, Pip. Not for me."

"Shut up, Sam." She shook the hunter off. "It'll be okay. He won't hurt me." She looked over at Lucifer and asked pointedly, "You won't hurt me, will you?"

The devil looked actually offended. "Of course not." He leaned forward on the table, resting his chin on his hand. "I'm listening."

The young angel took a deep breath. "You're right. It's been four months since Cas . . . you knkw, and I . . . I don't want another mate."

"But you want me?"

Alex frowned. "I'm being serious, Luce." She crossed her arms. "I can let you back into my head. Cas showed me how."

Lucifer got off of the table, his quiet and agile movements reminiscent of a predator. A grin crept across his face as he stalked forward. "Hmm," he hummed. "And what's the catch?"

Alex raised her head as the archangel stopped just within her personal space. "The catch?" she repeated. "The catch is that you let Sam here sleep."

The devil looked thoughtful, and Alex heard the bed behind her squeak as Sam shifted. "Alex," he warned. "Don't do this."

Both Alex and Lucifer spoke simultaneously. "Shut up, Sam."

The devil studied Alex for a few, long seconds, teeth teasing at his thumbnail as he thought. Alex waited patiently, holding his gaze, knowing he wasn't seriously considering rejecting it; it was only another game he was playing. "How long?" he finally asked.

"For what?"

"For sleep. How long does Sam sleep?"

"Four hours."

The devil snorted. "Thirty minutes," he countered.

"Three hours."

"I'm not going any higher than an hour."

"And I'm not going any lower than two." Alex watched as the devil blinked, and she steadily held his gaze. "Who do you want more?" she pressed. "Me or Sam?"

"Hour and a half. Final deal."

"Deal."

Lucifer hummed as a question came to mind. "How do I know you'll let me in?"

"How do I know you'll let Sam sleep?" the young angel countered, feathers ruffling in slight indignation at his accusation.

Lucifer held up three fingers. "Scouts honor," he promised. When Alex didn't look convinced he added, slightly hurt, "Alex. Have I ever lied to you?"

Alex didn't answer. "I'll let you in," she told him coldly. "And I'll keep tabs on Sam. If he doesn't start sleeping, the deal's off, you understand?"

The devil chuckled, stepping even closer. "And how exactly would you throw me back out again?" he asked, but Alex couldn't sense any challenge in his tone. "You can't do it on your own."

"I have my resources," Alex retorted. "And some of them are in my debt, which makes them pretty motivated to pay me back. So. Deal or no deal?"

"Deal." The devil grinned as he added, "See you tonight." Then he was gone, and Alex turned back to Sam.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"I'm just buying you more time, Sam." Alex smiled down at the hunter in reassurance. "He won't hurt me, and you need to sleep. You're going to be fine, okay? Trust me; I would know. Just, don't talk to him, do what you do best, and things will get better." She prayed her words rang true as she turned to leave.

"I think she's lying," Lucifer decided, appearing on the bed beside Sam. "Don't you?"

Alex closed the door behind her before she could hear Sam's response.

...

She and Dean walked back out to the car in silence. Alex slid into the front seat, closing the door as Dean started the car. "Sam's gonna be alright, right?" he asked, pulling the car towards the exit of the parking lot.

"Yeah."

Dean applied the brakes, and the car rolled to a stop. Alex looked over at the hunter to see him turn in his seat. "You can't lie to me, Alex," he insisted. "Car rule."

"Car rule?" the angel repeated, amusement in her voice, but when Dean didn't budge, she sighed. "Fine. You want to know the truth? I don't know. I don't know, okay? Sam's suppose to make it through, but I don't know how, I don't know when. But . . . I don't know. Maybe I've inadvertently changed something, you know? Some sort of shitty butterfly effect." She looked down at her hands, wings curling around her.

Dean let out a breath. "It's not your fault, Alex. It's not your job to keep us safe. That's mine."

"That's not true," Alex retorted. "I'm an angel, Dean. You guys . . . you've kind of become my charges, which means you're my responsibility." She looked up into Dean's eyes. "You're tired," she murmured.

"Yeah, well, it's been a stressful couple of months, you know?"

"You know that's not what I mean." Alex shifted in her seat as the car started moving again. "You're tired of all of of it. Everything. Tired of life." She saw Dean's mouth open to protest, and she cut him off. "Ah. No lying, car rule. I can see it in your eyes, Dean. I see it in the eyes of everyone I know. You're tired. Tired of hunting, tired of it all." She looked over at her friend. "You miss the life you had with Ben and Lisa, don't you?" Dean glared over at her, and she sighed. "I miss them too."

"Listen, Pip." Dean cast a resigned glance over at the young angel as he turned the car onto the highway. "I'm sorry I tossed you out," he finally said. "And I mean it this time. I shouldn't have thrown you to the demons. I . . . I don't know what I was thinking."

"I know exactly what you were thinking. You were protecting your family, Dean. And you were right. Crowley wouldn't stop until he got me, and they were bound to get caught in the crossfire. I was just too selfish to see it."

Dean paused, choosing his next words carefully. "You are my family, Alex." The angel looked over at Dean in surprise, but he didn't meet her gaze, too busy staring out at the road. She could see emotion battling in his features, and tried to respond, but nothing she could think of sounded . Dean started to continue, but decided against it, and reached over to turn up the music when the chords to Bob Seger's Beautiful Loser rang throughout the stereo. Not having any better ideas, Alex turned her head out the window, watching the road pass by.

He's your oldest and your best friend
If you need him he'll be there again
He's always willing to be second best
A perfect lodger, a perfect guest

Beautiful loser
Read it on the wall
And realize you just can't have it all

You just can't have it all

...

Alex was back in her house in heaven. The lights were on, casting a soft glow on the interior. Rain drummed on the roof, and the sky outside was dark, giving the house a warm and comforting atmosphere. Alex sighed, closing her eyes at the warm memories that trickled through her mind. The doorbell rang, and she tipped her head as she looked up. The young angel slowly crossed the room to unlock the front door and pull it open, peering outside. Then she shook her head. "Wow."

"Can I come in?" Lucifer stood on the front step, soaking wet, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his black dress pants.

Alex rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Are you wearing a tie? You're ridiculous."

"Thank you, I think. You're not the only one who looks good in a tie." The devil reached up, idly loosening the dark tie that hung around his neck while shifting his weight. "However, I still need your permission to come in." He looked up at the sky above his head as the rain plastered his hair to his scalp.

"Yeah, come on in." Alex stepped back and held open the door, and the devil stepped over the threshold, resplendent crimson wings unfolding and shaking out. Alex flinched as water droplets flew in every direction, eyes screwing closed as several hit her face. She opened her eyes to see them stretch up and out, almost reaching the far wall, and Alex felt her own wings fall lower at the sight. "Is Sam sleeping?" she finally asked.

Lucifer shrugged. "I've left him alone. It's his choice to sleep." He looked around, and Alex felt his grace pushing out and exploring. "It's good to be home," he admitted. With a snap of his fingers, he was dry. "Now." He walked over to the couch and sat down, leaning forward and looking up at Alex. "Tell me. Why did you invite me back? Was it only because of Sam?"

His wings folded forward, and Alex reached out with hers, pressing hers along the insides of his. Her breath caught as the vanes of his feathers caught on hers, causing their feathers to mesh together. "It was a little because of Sam," she defended with a small smile as his grace rested against hers, cool and familiar. "But, uh . . . you were right. I don't want another mate, and it feels so much easier when you're here. It's not that anyone's really propositioned," she added. "I . . . I just get so lonely sometimes."

"Well, that's why I'm here." Lucifer shifted to one side, patting the couch beside him. "Now come here. I haven't seen you in almost a year."

Alex smiled, but did so. "You saw me this morning," she teased, sitting down beside the archangel.

"Ah, but I wasn't able to do this." Lucifer leaned forward, taking Alex's face in one hand as he softly pressed his lips against hers.

Alex vaguely felt the lights dim around her, and she broke away. "No, but you tried," she teased. Lucifer leaned in again, and she put a hand on his chest, gently pushing him away with a small laugh. The archangel growled and stretched forward, reclaiming her lips, and this time Alex let him. She could feel her grace begging to take over, like it always did when she had been away from angels for some time. It was an odd feeling, but it wasn't bad. Just a building need for love and attention. It built up inside her chest, pressing to get out. The archangel's lips against hers brought her back to reality. Well, not reality. It was a dream. Dream-reality. Sort of.

"You're thinking too much." Lucifer's soft voice reached her ears. "Focus on me." Alex wrenched herself from her thoughts, and pulled her mind back to the archangel in front of her. "Very good," he praised.

"I'm not a dog, Luce —" Alex was cut off by the archangel, no longer wanting to hear her speak. One hand slid around to her neck, and Alex placed her hands on his chest, fingers playing with the soft fabric of his tie. She gently pushed him away after several seconds, and the archangel frowned, pulling back when Alex started laughing. "What's so funny?"

"It's nothing, just . . . you're so old," Alex finally teased. "It's just, I don't even know. Kind of weird."

Mock offense crossed the archangel's face. "That's what you're thinking about? My age?" He looked down at himself. "My vessel's age, I assume."

Alex shrugged. "Both. You're just really old all around."

"Mm. My vessel isn't me. I can be anyone you want, Iaida turs. Who would you prefer?" The devil's face and voice began to morph. "Dean?" Green eyes faded into hazel. "Sam perhaps?" Blue eyes studied Alex intently, and Castiel's deep voice asked, "Or maybe you'd like me."

Alex blinked back tears, shaking her head, and the archangel in front of her shifted back into his original form, wings opening slightly in silent apology. "No," Alex decided, "this one's fine. I mean, they're all old."

Lucifer hummed in acknowledgement of her statement. "You're still very human, aren't you?" Grace brushed against hers. "Humans focus on the external. Beauty, wealth, age. Our Father taught us to look at the inside. Their soul, their hearts, their grace. On the eternal, not the temporal, unlike humans."

Alex nodded. "That makes sense," she agreed. "Then again,you cant make a leopard change their stripes."

"I don't think that's the saying." Large, crimson wings folded around her as the devil shifted, pulling his legs up underneath him so he could face her more fully, towering over the younger angel, whose own wings fell out in response. Fingers dragged reverently down her jawline, and Alex closed her eyes, leaning into the devil's chill touch. "I've missed you," he murmured. "Missed your touch, missed your grace. It wasn't enough, just being in Sam's head. To see you but not to feel you. It was torture."

Alex closed her eyes as his hands wandered across her skin, one going to the back of her neck and the other trailed down her side. "Missed you too," she admitted, suppressing a warm shiver as she felt him lean close, cold breath soft on her face. She reached up, fingers dancing along the base of the archangel's wings, and she felt the muscles twitch under her touch. She moved her fingers into the softer feathers as Lucifer pressed light kisses on her face and neck, and she slid her fingers up through his short hair.

...

Suddenly the whole house lurched. Alex snapped open her eyes to see the dark road ahead of her, and a soft noise of surprise and confusion was forced from her lungs. A flash of tan lunged across her vision, disappearing off of the road.

"Sorry," Dean apologized, slightly wide-eyed as well. "Damn deer jumped in front of the car." He slowly started accelerating the car again. "You dreaming?"

"Maybe." Alex was thankful for the dark covering her face as the memories brought on a blush. "Why?"

"Just curious," the Winchester shrugged. "We just left Rapid City half an hour back. We'll be at the cabin in half a day."

"Oh, okay. You, uh, want me to drive? Maybe you can catch some sleep yourself?" Alex straightened up in her seat, forcing her feathers to lie flat against her wings. "Cause I can drive, Dean."

The Winchester shook his head. "Nah, I've still got a few hours left in me. We'll see. For now, you finish your nap."

"Okay, Dean." Alex leaned back in her seat, turning away from the Winchester as she closed her eyes. It only took a minute before she slipped back into a deep, but utterly dreamless, sleep.

...

Whitefish, Montana

Twelve hours later the Dodge Charger pulled onto the winding, dirt road that led to Rufus' cabin. "Hold up," Alex suddenly said. She reached for the door handle as the car slowed. "I'm gonna run the rest of the way."

"Run?" Dean snorted in amusement. "Since when do you run? It's almost half a mile."

"Hey. I've been in this car for twenty four hours. I'm done. Besides," she added with a laugh, "I have to keep exercising if I don't want to get flabby like you." She poked Dean in his stomach before throwing the car door open and climbing out.

She broke into a jog, and Dean gave her a head start before slowly starting to drive again, letting Alex race him for a few seconds before speeding off, leaving the young angel in the dust. Alex stretched her legs further and further with each stride, wings flapping behind her as she tried to gain lift. She pulled them back in as wind dragged through her feathers, slowing her down, and she resigned herself to jogging.

When she finally reached the cabin Dean was leaning against the hood of the Charger. "Having fun?"

"I think that's enough exercise for the next week," the young angel quipped back, circling around to the trunk to pull out her things. "Anyways. What's the plan?"

"The plan? The plan's we see if there's any hunter who can help. Or anyone, for that matter." Dean grabbed his duffle bag and slung it over his shoulder before slamming the trunk shut. "Got any strings you can pull?"

"There's a few I can try, yeah. No promises, though." Alex followed the hunter into the dusty cabin and dropped her things by the door. She stopped and looked around, wings curling around her as she thought of the last time she had been here.

"You okay?" Dean cast her a glance from where he was in the other room, sticking his head through the doorway in confusion.

"Yeah, I . . . I'm fine. It's just — I haven't been here since Bobby died." Alex walked over to the worn couch and sat down. "You start calling hunters. I'll start shaking a few of my own personal trees."

...

"He almost hit a deer?" Lucifer looked unconvinced at Alex's explanation. "That's what woke you?"

"Yeah. It was a big ass buck, too." Alex shrugged, sinking deeper into the couch. "Fourteen points, probably." Her gaze flickered across the screen to see some movie Lucifer had conjured up, probably from the recesses of her mind, yet she wasn't exactly sure what movie it was. "How's Sam doing, by the way? You're letting him sleep, right?"

The archangel looked hurt. "Of course. I wouldn't lie to you, turs. Sam slept for an hour last night before I woke him up."

"An hour?" Alex turned in her seat. "Luce! You promised me an hour and a half."

"You're the one left early," the archangel rebutted. "I got bored. Now be quiet and watch the movie." His wings folded around hers, and after a few seconds Alex shifted, curling up on the couch and burying her head into Lucifer's side. An arm draped itself across her back, finger running up and down her spine. The touch was chilly, but Alex melted into it, a purr rumbling through her chest and into her wings at the gentle action. The finger began drawing lazy patterns on her back, but after a few minutes they became more complicated, dipping and swirling with precise intent, even though the archangel's gaze was still focused on the tv. Alex shifted, and he let out a quiet breath. "Shh," he quieted her. "I'm almost done."

"What are you doing?"

"Writing."

"In Enochian?" When Lucifer hummed his agreement, Alex asked, "What are you writing."

"My name. Because you're mine."

A blush spread across Alex's face, and she wiggled her way further into the archangel at her side to hide her embarrassment. The finger continued its ministrations against her back, and Alex focused on the flickering tv.

...

Three days passed, and Dean and Alex had gone through every single contact Bobby ever had. "Yeah, thanks." Dean hung up the phone once again. He sighed, and rubbed his tired eyes. "You thirsty?"

"Sure." Alex looked over the back of the couch, resting her head on the worn back only momentarily before turning back to the journal in her lap. Dean stood up and walked over to the fridge. He reached in and took out two cans of beer. Alex heard the sound of a book hit the ground, and she looked up to see Dean freeze.

"Did you do that?" he asked.

Alex cocked an eyebrow. "Does it look like I did that?" she asked back, gaze falling to the small leather-bound journal now on the ground. "You're closer to it than I am."

"With your angel mojo, I mean."

Alex shook her head. "Definitely not." She got up off of the couch and approached, bending down to pick up the journal. A small business card fell out, and, with a frown of confusion, she handed it to Dean. He turned it over to find a phone number scrolled on the back. Handing the beer to Alex, he picked up the phone again.

"Yeah, hi. Um . . . My name's Dean. I'm a friend of Bobby Singer's. I'm, uh, looking for some info. If you could call me back at 785-555-0128. Thanks." He hung up. Alex walked over the fridge and exchanged her beer for a coke. "You find anything?"

Alex looked over at the Winchester. "Not yet," she admitted. "Heaven's still in a bit of chaos; I did talk to Zeke though; he's got no idea how to fix Sam. Not with Lucifer's grace in there. There's no way to uproot it, and even then there'd be no place to put it." She frowned and then slowly added, "There's one other person I could try."

Dean nodded. "Do that," he agreed, sitting down on the couch. "Otherwise we have nothing."

"Okay." Alex set her can down on the counter and slipped on her shoes, hurrying out the front door and into the woods. She pulled her phone out of her pocket as she paused beside a large spruce and scrolled through her contacts.

The phone rang only once before it was answered. "What do you want?"

"Crowley. Fancy a chat?" Alex didn't wait for a response before she added, "Actually, that's not a question. We need to talk."

"And why is that?" Crowley's voice held an echo, and Alex looked up to see the demon in front of her. The demon hung up, and Alex did the same, shoving her phone into her pocket. "This better be good, kitten."

"I need your help."

"Yes, you seem to be needing that a lot recently." Crowley sauntered forward, and Alex flared her wings in warning, causing him to stop. "What makes you think I'll help?"

"Because I wouldn't come to you if I had any other option." The young angel forced her wings to lie flat as she added, "At least hear me out."

"Alright. But if you think this is going to be any different than last time . . ."

Alex's eyes narrowed in hurt. "You're the one who said we were besties," she retorted. "It's Sam. Lucifer's been in his head ever since Cas took down the wall —"

"Let me stop you right there." The demon held up a hand. "You want me to go up against that bloody archangel again. As if I haven't stuck my neck out far enough."

"Scared?"

"And rightly so!" The demon's accent grew thicker as his voice rose. "Have you even met the man? Actually, no, don't answer that." Crowley's face darkened. "I'm not sure why you think I even care about you or your friends. You're useful; I keep you close. Understand? It's not my problem if the three of you can't clean up after yourselves. So next time, unless this somehow involves me, don't bother ringing." The demon was gone, and Alex heart sank. Her wings drooped, feathers brushing against the dirt, and with a small shake of her head Alex returned to the cabin.

...

Night came quickly. Dean hadn't moved, still on his laptop, searching. Alex rolled her head back, bored as hell. She was bored of black and white, four channel tv. Suddenly the phone rang. Dean and Alex exchanged glances, and Dean slowly answered it. "This is Dean." He listened. Alex waited patiently. Finally Dean hung up. "Grab you stuff."

Alex jumped up. "Somebody got something?" she asked, hardly daring to be hopeful.

"Yeah." Dean closed the laptop, threw it in his bag, and turned off the lights. "Littleton, Colorado. There's this healer; hunter checked him out, he's legit. Come on; let's go."

...

They drove all night. At some point Alex must have fallen asleep, because she jerked into consciousness when Dean shook her awake. He wordlessly handed her a bagel and coffee, and Alex rolled her eyes, but took them gratefully. "Good morning to you, too," she grumbled sarcastically.

"We're almost there." Dean informed her, taking a sip of his own coffee before sticking it into one of the two cupholders. "We should be in Littleton in three or so hours."

Alex looked around. They were parked in the backlot of a gas station. "Yeah," she agreed. "Sounds like a good plan." Alex was almost drowned out by the music as Dean turned on the car. She rolled her eyes, and they started down the road again.

...

Littleton, Colorado

Dean pulled up alongside a blue suburban house with white trim windows. "Here we are." Dean got out, and Alex followed, trailing behind him as they walked up the path to the front door. Flower beds decorated the exterior, and Alex ran her eyes over the white flowers as Dean rung the doorbell. After a few seconds, the door opened. "Hi. Uh, is this, uh, Daphne Allen's house? I'm looking for Emmanuel."

"Well you found him. Daphne's resting, if you don't mind."

Alex looked up at the voice, and her wings flared out in alarm. For the briefest second, the man's face twisted in torment, flesh ragged and charred, and the angel reached out to touch Dean's elbow. "Dean. Get back," she hissed, wings flaring out.

The man's eyes flashed black. "I wasn't expecting an angel." His displeased voice rumbled through his chest, and Alex backpedaled as the demon took a menacing step forward.

"You know, I'd think twice," Dean warned. "Or don't you know that your boss issued a hands-off memo?" He shifted his weight, and Alex's muscles coiled, ready to spring to his defense.

The demon laughed darkly. "Please," he scoffed. "What have you done for him lately? Roman's head on a plate? No? Whatever Emmanuel is, Crowley's gonna want him a lot more than he wants you these days."

The demon stepped forward, and Alex lunged forward, knocking the demon backwards with a solid jab to the upper chest, followed by a hand over his forehead. Her grace poured into him, and the demon screamed as his twisted soul burned away. The empty vessel slumped to the ground, and Alex rolled her shoulders back, letting her wings lie flat.

"What the hell?" Dean's breathless words had the angel turning around in confusion to see him staring down the steps. Alex stepped forward to follow his gaze, and she froze in complete shock. A man stood on the steps below them, dressed in a blue, zippered sweater over a grey button down, but Alex knew that face. She knew those eyes. Her heart leapt to her throat, and her wings fell out. Castiel.

The angel's gaze slid between the two hunters to focus on the demon's vessel. "What was that?" he asked, sounding scared as hell.

Why was he scared? The breath was knocked out of her lungs as another realization hit her. Where were his wings? She couldn't see them. Why couldn't she see them?

"Is Daphne okay?" Castiel continued. He hurried up the stairs and pushed his way past Dean and Alex to gain access to the house. He walked right past Alex, barely even acknowledging her, and the ground spun beneath her feet at his coldness. What was wrong with her angel?"

Alex and Dean followed quietly. "What . . ." Dean hissed, looking down at her.

"I don't know," Alex whispered back. She was scared, and she knew Dean could see it. "W-What the actual hell?" They entered the living room where Castiel was untying a woman from a chair, concern deeply etched in his features.

"That creature hurt you." Castiel undid the gag and started untying the ropes that wound their way around the woman's body, his voice tender.

"I'm okay," Daphne promised. She stood up, gripping Castiel's arms as fear for the man in front of her overtook her. "But Emmanuel. They were looking for you."

"It's okay."

Alex stiffened as Daphne reached up and touched Castiel's cheek, trailing her hand down his chest. Castiel took the red-headed woman's hand, entwining their fingers as he led her over to Dean. Alex pushed herself back into the wall, sandwiching her wings between her body and the wall so they'd stop trembling. Her gaze fell on where their hands were joined, and her fingers curled into fists as she fell very, very still.

"I'm Emmanuel." Castiel glanced over at Alex before turning back to Dean.

He held out his hand, and Dean took it, completely confused. "Dean," he said after a second's hesitation. "I'm . . . Dean. And, uh, that's Alex."

Alex glared at Daphne. She couldn't help but feel jealous.

"Thank you for protecting my wife," Castiel continued.

Alex visibly stiffened. I love you. More than anything. Castiel's words to her from so many months ago flashed through her head as if he had spoken them right now. Rage pulsed through her, and she flared her wings high above her head, feathers ruffling out as her grace crackled through the air. It pushed against Castiel, and Alex felt his grace, sitting deep within him, curled up tightly and locked away. She swore she felt it, but it disappeared from her touch before she could be sure.

She pulled back when Castiel gasped. No, Alex corrected herself. Emmanuel gasped. He wasn't Castiel. He couldn't be. Not anymore. Emmanuel stepped backwards, eyes trained on Alex. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"Emmanuel?" Daphne tightened her grip on her husband's hand. "What's wrong?"

"Your wife. Right." Dean glanced at Alex. Her eyes were narrowed at the two people, and the hunter cleared his throat, trying to distract her.

"She's . . . she's . . ." Emmanuel trailed off. "You have wings," he finally said. "How — I didn't —"

"What? These ratty old things?" Alex growled. Her grace pulsed through the air, and she was so angry she could barely form words. She focused on that anger, and lightning flashed, casting the shadow of her wings on the wall behind her. Daphne let out a cry and stepped behind Emmanuel, who stood defensively in front of her.

"Alex." Dean's hand on her arm brought her back to reality and she lowered her wings. "Relax." His voice carried only the slightest bit of tension. "You're scaring them."

Alex lowered her wings, the sudden rise of anger fading. She saw her own confusion reflected in Dean's eyes, although she knew her eyes held jealous anger and sadness as well. "My apologizes," she growled, and she pulled her wings in close, muscles tense.

"I don't understand." Emmanuel squinted at Alex, studying her. "Who are you?"

"I'm an angel." Alex forced down the last her anger, where it sat as a cold ball of ice in her gut. She felt Lucifer's grace dip and churn within hers, an upsetting roll within her stomach.

"Of the Lord?"

"More or less."

"You burned the demon's eyes out," Emmanuel's gaze flickered across her face, his voice dropping back into the soft cadence so unlike Castiel.

Alex pushed the thought away, locking eyes with the man in front of her. "Yes. Me and demons don't exactly . . . get along." She resisted reaching out and feeling for Castiel's grace again, contenting herself with curling her fingers in the hem of her sleeves.

Emmanuel nodded, and looked at Dean. "I saw their faces. Their real faces."

"He was a demons."

"A demon walked on Earth," Emmanuel murmured, and Daphne squeezed his hand sympathetically. The gesture didn't go unseen by Alex, who dug her teeth into the side of her cheek so hard she drew blood, fists clenched at her side and grace boiling beneath her skin.

"Demons," Dean corrected, confused. "Wackloads of them," he stated it like it was obvious fact. "You don't know about . . ." He trailed off.

"You saw the demons' true faces." Daphne gave Emmanuel a sappy look that made Alex gag in disgust. He was hers. Not some human's. Emmanuel murmured in agreement. Daphne turned to Dean, not wanting to look at Alex. Good. "Emmanuel has very special gifts," she explained to the Winchester.

Alex almost laughed sarcastically out loud, but thankfully held her tongue, letting only a quiet breath leave through her nose.

"Yeah, I've heard about that . . . Emmanuel," Dean said, shooting Alex a warning glance. "That you heal people up."

"I seem to be able to help people to a certain degree," Emmanuel agreed. " What's your issue?"

"It's my brother." Dean looked at the ground before returning to Emmanuel's gaze. He held Dean's for a few seconds before traveling over to Alex, who stared into his blue eyes. So long ago they had been so familiar, filled with warmth and love; now they were distant and strange, the love and warmth replaced with curiosity heavily guarded by fear. A sudden jolt of pain surged through her, and she looked away, unable to hold his gaze any longer.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Dean looked extremely surprised. "Just like that?"

"Of course. If someone needs my help, it is my job to help them. How far away is your brother?"

"Uh, a two day's drive, I guess. Northern Indiana."

Emmanuel nodded before he turned to his wife. "I will be back soon," he promised, reaching up to cup Daphne's cheek.

"Please, stay safe." Daphne pulled him into an embrace, kissing him quietly.

Alex took a step back, trembling with uncontrollable emotions, and Dean reached out to lead her away. "Let's go." He led Alex out of the house. "You don't need to see that."

"Dean." Emmanuel's voice had the hunter turning back. "Let me pack, and then we may leave." He disappeared into the house, and Dean walked Alex to the car.

"You need to calm down." Dean put a large hand on the female angel's shoulder. "Okay? I-I know this is weird —"

"Calm down?" Alex spun around to face Dean. "Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to do that? It's all his fault, Dean! He's the one who made me an angel because he said he loved me! Do you know what I've had to go through for him? Crowley? Lucifer?" She drew in a ragged breath as tears stung her eyes. "He said he loved me, Dean. And I believed him. Through everything that he did, I never doubted that. For two whole years. He said he'd never leave me — he promised — and then he faked his death for what? Four months? Four whole months? I thought when we'd find him, he'd be hurt or in pain not — he says he's married. Four of the worst months of my life, and he's off married to some random bitch! I prayed every night — I thought he was dead." Her voice rose into a wail. "He's my mate, Dean. I've been through hell to be with him." Words tumbled breathlessly out of her mouth, too fast to be understood, and Dean pulled her into a tight hug, silencing her.

Alex clutched at his jacket, letting herself fall apart in his embrace. She folded her wings around the both of them as Dean rested his chin on the top of her head, murmuring soothing words to calm her down.

"Is she okay?" Emmanuel's voice had Alex jerking her head away. Dean dropped his arms, and the angel took in a deep breath, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

"Yeah," she lied. "Just . . . worried about Sam."

She climbed into the backseat of the Charger as Emmanuel asked Dean, "I take it Sam is your brother." When Dean nodded, he continued, "And Alex. Is she your sister?"

"No, not really." Dean opened the driver's side door, leaving Emmanuel to circle around to the passenger side. "Not biologically, at least. But she's family." The car started and Alex curled up, wrapping herself in her wings and burying herself deep within her own pitiful thoughts.

...

"Doesn't she eat?" Emmanuel got back into the front seat, looking back at her. It was a several hours later, and the sky had grown quite dark, but Dean had insisted upon stopping for dinner. He and Emmanuel had gone into the restaurant for dinner, but Alex had refused to move, preferring to stay curled up, unmoving, in the backseat.

Dean started the car, barely glancing back at her. "Depends."

Alex scented the air. She smelled hamburger, and a stronger, fresh smell of fries. She held out her hand, and Dean snorted, dropping a take-out bag in her hand. She opened it and nibbled on the fried food.

Finally Dean spoke. "So Daphne, is, your, uh, your wife?"

"She found me and cared for me," Emmanuel responded in his soft cadence, neither confirming nor denying Dean's words.

"Meaning?"

Emmanuel looked over at the Winchester. "Oh. It's a strange story. You may not like it."

Alex huffed, and Dean sighed. "Believe me, I will."

"A few months ago, she was hiking by a river, and I wandered into her path, drenched and confused,
and . . ." he paused, embarrassed, "unclothed. I had no memory. She said God wanted her to find me."

Alex let out a barely inaudible growl at those words, but if either of the men in the front seat heard her, it wasn't acknowledged.

After a few seconds of silence Dean asked, "So, who named you Emmanuel?"

"Bouncingbabynames. com."

"It means 'God with us.' " Alex shifted in her seat, gaze focusing on the back of Emmanuel's familiar head. He turned to look back at her and she dipped her head, hiding her eyes.

Dean nodded. "Well, it's working for you. Must be weird not knowing who you are."

"Well it's my life. And it's a good life."

Alex stiffened, and bit back a pained noise. She rolled over in the small space, facing the seat, glad for the darkness, as a single tear rolled down her face. She angrily wiped it away, hating herself for being so emotional.

She felt Emmanuel look back at her once again. "Is she okay?" he asked, voice low and quiet, laced with genuine concern.

Dean glanced back at her too. "Yeah. She's just fine. Right Alex?"

"Right." Alex somehow managed to hold the pain out of her voice. "I'm, uh . . . just tired."

"I don't know how to describe the emotions you're feeling towards me," Emmanuel admitted after a second's pause. "It's rather confusing."

Alex didn't respond, and Dean changed the subject. "So you remember nothing of your old life?" When Emmanuel nodded, he continued. "Well, what if you were some sort of, I don't know, bad person?"

The healer narrowed his eyes, deep in thought. "I don't feel like a bad person," he finally admitted. More silence followed. "So your brother, Sam, right?"

"Yeah Sam."

"Sam," he repeated. "What's his diagnosis?"

"Well, it's not exactly medical."

"That should be fine. I can heal illnesses of a spiritual origin."

"Spiritual?" Dean looked surprised. "Okay. Somebody did this to him." He gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"You're angry," Emmanuel noted.

"Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head."

"He betrayed you, this 'dude'. He was your friend?"

"Yeah, well, he's gone now."

"Did you kill him?" Emmanuel asked, sparing Dean a look. "I . . . sense that you kill a lot of people." Alex stifled a chuckle at how casually those words were spoken.

"Honestly? I, I don't know if he's dead. I just know this whole thing couldn't be messier. You know, I use to be able to shake this stuff off. You know, whatever it was, it might take some time, but . . . I always could. But, what Cas did . . . I just can't. I don't know why . . ." Dean trailed off, shaking his head.

"Well, it doesn't matter why."

"Of course it matters why," Dean said sharply.

"No. You're not a machine, Dean. You're human." Emmanuel paused. "Your friend's name was Cas? That's an odd name." He turned to look back at Alex. "I sense you're angry at him too. Perhaps for a different reason?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Alex muttered. "Cas is gone."

"Is she always like this?" Emmanuel asked Dean.

"No. She's pretty worried about Sam. It's been hard on her."

Alex bit back a sharp retort. I don't need you to make excuses for me, Dean, she thought bitterly. She pulled her wings in tighter as the conversation died, and the car fell silent.

...

"What's wrong, le mohoath?" Alex was back in her house in heaven, standing in the middle of the bedroom. Lucifer was sitting by the window, wings folding forward as his concern grew. He stood up, but Alex could only stand there, tears flowing freely. Her mouth hung slightly open, and she was drawing in ragged breaths as her gaze roamed blankly around the room.

The archangel crossed over the carpet, and Alex buried her head in his chest, fingers digging into his shirt as his wings wrapped tightly around her. "Please stop," Lucifer whispered, rested his chin on her head. "You need to tell me what's the matter." He stroked her head gently. "Sh." He guided her over to the bed, and sat her down.

Alex inhaled a shaky breath. "I'm okay," she finally said, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, wings trembling as she tried to force her emotions down.

Lucifer wasn't buying it. "Is someone hurting you?" he asked, and Alex felt his anger grow at the possibility.

She quickly shook her head, turning back into his solid form. "No. N-Not on purpose."

"You're not making any sense, limlal ol le monans," he insisted, murmuring Enochian comforts into her hair.

"What does that mean?" Alex asked quietly, brushing away her tears.

"Limlal ol le monans?" Lucifer smiled. "It means 'treasure of my heart'. Your turn. What do you mean by not on purpose?" Alex didn't respond, and she just sniffled. "I'm just trying to help," Lucifer insisted, taking her face in his hands. "I can help, angel."

"I don't understand." Alex reached up and removed his hand from her cheek. "W-Why are you so kind to me, yet always so mean to Sam?"

The archangel shook his head. "Sam isn't my mate. My vessel or not, he's still only human."

Alex scoffed, brushing away the tears. "I'm not your mate either."

"That's not how I see it." Lucifer pulled her close. "Now stop changing the subject. Who is hurting you?"

"Nobody's hurting me. At least he's not trying to." Alex looked up into the angel's pale blue eyes, giving in and letting the words spill out. "He doesn't even remember me! He walked by me like I'm nobody. He's convinced he's married to some human, and I can't even look at him anymore." She began crying again. "He doesn't know me, and he's scared because he knows I'm an angel. He doesn't even have wings, Luce. I can't see his wings. Four months I thought he was dead, but no — he-he's got some normal, apple-pie human life without me!"

Lucifer nodded, trying to piece all of that together. "One question," he asked quietly, even though he had a sneaking suspicion of the answer. "Who?"

"Cas," it came out as a whisper, and another tear rolled down her cheek, but Lucifer wiped it away.

"So Castiel is back," he repeated. Alex nodded, and opened her mouth to respond, but was cut short with a kiss.

"Stop it, Lucifer." Alex angrily pushed him away. "Not now."

...

"Alex?" Large hands shook her awake, snapping Alex back into the real world. "You were dreaming again."

Alex blinked open her eyes to see Dean looking back at her nervously. Early morning light passed through the Charger's windows, indicating the day had recently begun. She struggled to sit up, unfolding her stiff wings from around her.

"Did she say 'Lucifer'?" Emmanuel said quietly.

Alex's head snapped over to him, face black with shock. "What?"

"You were talking," Dean said tersely. "In your sleep." His voice grew sharp. "Dammit Alex, what the hell is he doing in your head? You said he was gone!"

"He was!" Alex shot back. "But since Cas up and died, I've been kind of lacking in the mate department."

"What the hell does that even mean?" Dean snapped. "He's your fucking mate now?" His green eyes flashed with anger, and Alex's wings flared out.

"I don't understand," Emmanuel spoke up. "Who are we talking about?"

"Lucifer," Alex and Dean growled in unison.

"He's not my mate, Dean," Alex continued. "The only reason I let him back in is so I wouldn't have to take a mate!"

"As in, the devil, Lucifer?" Emmanuel persisted.

"Shut up, Cas!" Alex yelled. The car fell silent, and Alex winced internally at her outburst.

"I'm... not Cas." Emmanuel looked confused, turning to Dean for an explanation. When he was offered none, he looked back at the young angel.

Alex flinched. "Right, sorry." She looked down at her lap, mumbling out an excuse. "You just, uh, remind me of him."

"Anyone hungry?" Dean pointedly changed the subject. He opened the door and got out. Alex and Emmanuel started to follow, but he shook his head. "Oh, hey, hey. Just, uh, sit tight. I'll be right out, okay?"

"Shouldn't Alex go with?" Emmanuel asked.

"She's going to stay here and protect you. Make sure no demons come around." Dean stalked off towards a convenience store across the street. Alex watched him go inside, then got out of the car.

"Dean said to stay here," Emmanuel reminded her.

"Relax. I'm not going after him. I just need to stretch my legs." Alex slammed the door behind her. She leaned against the hood of the Charger, stretching her wings high above her head. They trembled with the strain, feathers ruffling softly in the light breeze. She heard Emmanuel get out of the car, and she could feel his gaze on her wings.

"Can . . . can I touch them?" he asked suddenly.

Alex huffed in amusement. "Sure. Knock yourself out." She pulled them down, stretching them out vertically so they were within the healer's reach. She jumped as calloused fingers gently ran over the soft downy feathers on the inside of her wings.

Emmanuel noticed, and pulled back. "Did I hurt you?"

"Uh, no. It's just, that part is more sensitive." Alex reached out to touch the lighter-colored feathers. "Usually they're kept hidden when the wing is folded against my back." She demonstrated, then stretched it back out so he could see them once again.

The healer nodded in understanding. "Then what's the point of them?"

"Not sure." Alex shrugged, focusing her attention on the tree across the street. "Uh, I think it's like when a dog shows their belly. Sort of a submission thing, I guess."

"Hm. Then I'm sorry I touched them."

"It's fine. I didn't expect you to know."

Alex felt him reach out again, this time running his fingers through the coarser outer feathers. They drifted across the black vanes, pausing near the end of the feather where it faded to gold. "I always thought angel's wings were white," Emmanuel admitted.

"Yeah, no, they come in a lot of different colors. I'm not really sure how those colors are chosen though. Genetics, maybe. God's design. Not sure. I haven't met an angel with the exact same wing pattern; then again, I'm not huge on socializing. Mine are black and gold, Cas' were navy blue and black."

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Being an angel." Emmanuel leaned against the car next to her, and Alex folded her wings back against her back and out of the way.

"Hm." Alex turned the question back on him. "What do you think it's like?"

Emmanuel thought for a moment, carefully choosing his words. "I would think it would be nice," he finally said, "but I can sense you feel otherwise."

Alex let out a huff of amusement."You're smart," Alex admitted, nodding in agreement. "Have you always been able to sense others' feelings?"

"As far as I can remember; yes. It feels different with you, though. I believe it is because you're an angel."

"Different how?" Alex looked over at him.

Emmanuel faintly blushed. "It feels more close. More, intimate, almost. Like I said, I don't know why; you just feel . . . different."

Alex let out a short, quiet laugh. "You asked what if feels like to be an angel," she began, changing the subject. "It feels different than being human. Not better, not worse. Just... different."

"How would you know what it feels like to be human?"

Alex let out a half smile, glad he picked up on it. "I haven't always been an angel."

"I didn't know it was possible to become an angel."

"Yeah, neither did I. But, long story short, I met an angel. His name was Castiel. He fell in love with me, and, when heaven offered him a chance to chose on female human to become a female angel, he chose me. That was almost three years ago."

Emmanuel thought silently. "That left me with more questions than before," he finally admitted.

"Yeah, it is pretty confusing. I'm still wrapping my mind around it all. Angels are a lot different than humans; it can get pretty messy when the two overlap."

"This, Castiel. That's Cas, isn't it?" When Alex nodded, he continued. "And he's gone?" Alex nodded again, leaning back on the hood, spreading her wings flat out across the warm metal. "He was your mate."

Alex closed her eyes. "Yeah, he was." She could hear her voice shake, and knew the healer could hear it too.

"You loved him."

Alex snorted. "Yes, I did. But he loved me first. Brought me into this mess."

"I remind you of him. That's why you won't talk to me," Emmanuel determined.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I really am, I just . . ."

"I understand. You still grieve for him." The healer watched her for several seconds, eyes squinting slightly as he read her. "There's still a lot of tension between the two of you. Why?"

The young angel offered up a small shrug. "He wanted to be my mate, I didn't want kids."

"Isn't that . . . avoidable?" Emmanuel's face furrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry," he quickly added, "I'm just trying to understand."

"Yeah . . . I don't actually . . . know." Alex let out a long, drawn-out breath. "I guess communication wasn't one of our strong points." She chuckled. "I didn't actually know I'd agreed to be an angel for almost six months."

"It sounds like the two of you need to talk." When Alex didn't verbally agree they fell into silence for a couple seconds before Emmanuel spoke once again. "You've been dreaming about the devil?"

"What is this? Interrogate the angel hour?" Alex grumbled. "But, yes."

"Have you ever met him?"

"Yeah. Not one of my best weeks."

Emmanuel looked confused, but didn't press it. "I can try and help you. I'm sure I can block him out for you."

"No." Alex shook her head.

Emmanuel frowned. "I don't understand."

"It's not that I don't want your help," Alex quickly backtracked. "It's just that, without him in my head, I'd have to take another mate. He, keeps me stable, if you will. And to be perfectly honest, he really isn't bad company." She laughed dryly. "He's only nice to me because he sees me as his mate. He treats Sam just horribly."

"He's in Sam's dreams too?"

"No. He's more of a hallucination. A real one. I can see him too, although that's because I'm hooked into Sam's optical feed."

Emmanuel nodded, even though he didn't understand what she was saying. Alex lapsed into silence. She watched the store across the road. The "Closed" sign was in the window, which Alex found strange. "Tell me about Castiel."

Alex looked up. "You want to hear about Cas? Why?"

"I want to know how I remind you of him."

"Okay." Alex shrugged. She looked up into Emmanuel's blue eyes, but couldn't hold his gaze. "He had dark hair, like you, with blue eyes, brighter than I've ever seen. Of course, he's an angel, so stuff like that is how his vessel looked. By vessel I mean some guy he's possessing. Except he can't possess someone without their permission. Not like demons. They just jump in. Anyways. He has wings, larger than mine, and they're dark blue, a little darker than your sweater thing. And the primary feathers are tipped in black."

"Primary?"

"These." Alex pointed to her large, black primary feathers. She smiled as a thought came to her. "e knows nothing about humans, so it's always fun to watch him experience, human, stuff. I don't think he even knows how to tie his shoe," she joked.

"He sounds nice," Emmanuel said politely.

"He was," Alex sighed. "He said he'd always be there for me, and he would never stop loving me for anything, and I believed him. But now . . ." She shook her head in despair. "Oh well. Enough about me." She forced a smile. "How about you? You and Daphne, eh?"

"Yes," Emmanuel nodded. "She has been kind to me." He looked over at Alex, who looked sad. "Have I upset you?"

"No, no. I'm sorry." Alex straightened up, but continued to stare at the ground. "Hang on." She walked around to trunk and opened it up, shifting through the junk. She heard footsteps, and she pushed her grace out before slamming the trunk shut.

"Her face!" she heard Emmanuel exclaim in alarm. "She's one of —"

"It's okay. We come in many flavors." The familiar, female voice had Alex stalking around the Charger, wings flared as she came face to face with the demon. Meg's gaze swept over Alex before finally coming to rest on her wings. "You've changed."

"She's, uh, a friend," Dean half-heartedly explained to Emmanuel.

"Relax." Meg steadily held Alex's gaze. "I'm just here for moral support." She turned to Emmanuel. "I mean, after all, we go way back." When Emmanuel looked confused, she added, "Dean and me. And Alex, sort of. Just met you, of course. But I think we're going to be good friends, too." The demon's sly grin grew when Alex hissed.

"Alright, let's go." Dean got into the car.

"Hold up. She's coming too?" Alex exclaimed, eyes growing dark. "No way. I draw the line at demons, Dean."

"She's coming, Alex. End of it." Dean glared at her before getting into the car.

Meg smirked, stalking towards the backseat, and Alex grabbed the demon by her collar and swung her into the car door, wings flared. "Now you listen to me," she growled. "The only reason you're still breathing right now is 'cause Dean thinks you're gonna be useful. And there's a possibility that I might need you, you understand? So stay useful." With that she shoved Meg against the car again before letting go, and stalked around to the other side, getting into the backseat and slamming the door. She left the front seat to Emmanuel; she'd rather sit next to a demon than have her amnesia'd angel sit beside one. She might not remember much from the show, but she knew damn well Cas fell for Meg in the show.

Her lip pulled up into a snarl at the thought, and Dean glanced back at her. "Stop growling at the demon," he reprimanded. "She hasn't done anything."

"Do I have to sit next to the sad, little angel?" Meg frowned. "Can't I sit next to cute little Emmanuel?"

"No thank you." Emmanuel politely declined her offer, shifting awkwardly in his seat, and Alex growled again, curling her wings tightly around her.

"Alex. Shut up and be nice." Dean started up the car, and Alex angrily turned her gaze out the window as they drove away. "At least be civil," she heard him mumble under his breath, and she shot a glare his way before turning back to the window.

...

They drove in complete silence. The sun went down, and the moon rose, casting an eerie glow on the road ahead. "The silence is very uncomfortable," Emmanuel finally said. "Is there something I should know?"

"I don't know. Dean?" Meg asked.

"No. Meg has that effect. Awkward. You know?" Dean responded. Alex snickered, hating how her grace bubbled in protest beneath her skin as the dark, cold essence of the demon made her hair stand on end.

"That must very difficult for you." Emmanuel sounded genuinely sorry.

"Dean's making a joke, Emmanuel," Meg informed him.

"Oh." They lapsed back into silence.

Alex rested her forehead against the cold window. Despite the awkward silence and tension, and the fact there was a demon less than a foot away from her, Alex fell asleep.

...

She opened her eyes to see Lucifer watching her, perched on the back of the couch in her living room. "How are you doing today?" he asked, wings stretching out as he balanced. "Cas not giving you too much trouble?" Alex felt tears prick at her eyes, and the devil quickly approached, face twisting into a sincere apology. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "Let's not talk about that seraph, okay?" He trailed light fingers down her forearm until he reached her hand, taking it in his and pulling her towards the couch, holding her tight and brushing the tears from her eyes. "If you want I'll tell you how Sam is doing."

"Okay." Alex squirmed out of his grasp, setting on the far end of the couch.

The devil folded his legs up underneath him, looking thoughtful. "He's doing better with the sleep," he agreed. "Although he's become twice as temperamental. Let's see; today I woke him with firecrackers, then brought out the megaphone — do you know he still won't look to me? He and this girl started to talk; turns out she was being haunted by a ghost." The devil cocked an eyebrow at the young angel. "Just another day in the life of a Winchester, I suppose. Afterwards we went back to the firecrackers —"

"Okay, okay. Stop." Alex reached out with her wing and brushed her feathers across his chest. "I don't need to hear about how you tortured my friend — which I wish you'd stop doing, by the way."

The devil's face grew dark. "Sam Winchester is the reason I'm back in hell."

"You were going to fight your brother and scorch half the planet," she retorted.

"I was the one who wanted to avoid fighting." Lucifer's voice rose in protest. "Michael's my brother; I couldn't kill him."

"You still wanted to kill all of the humans." Alex leaned back against the arm of the couch, shaking her head. "That's why you're back in the Cage. If Sam hadn't put you there, I would've. Would you torture me?"

Lucifer chuckled, shaking his head. "Le mohoath, I couldn't do that to you." He slid forward, silent as a snake, until his hands were on either side of her waist, holding him above her. Alex looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow, but offered no protest, and the devil grinned. "I'll take that as the go ahead," he murmured, dipping his head to kiss her. Alex reached up, curling her fingers around his neck to pull him down.

"Alex?"

Both her and Lucifer looked up. "Sounds like someone's waking you up," the archangel commented dryly. "Always during the good parts of the dream, huh?" He kissed her one last time before she faded into darkness.

...

"Alex?" Meg was shaking the angel awake. Alex blinked, eyes snapping open as she realized who was touching her. She let out a wordless noise of warning, and the demon pulled away.

"We're almost there," Dean explained, looking back at her through the rearview mirror.

Emmanuel turned in his seat to look at the young angel. "Were you dreaming again?" he asked, face filled with only innocent curiosity.

Alex frowned. "What's it to you?" she shot back defensively, crossing her arms.

"Was Lucifer there?"

"Lucifer?" Meg looked over at Alex in surprise. "You seriously dream about Lucifer?" When Alex didn't respond, Meg turned to look back out the windshield, quirking an eyebrow. "Kinky."

"Don't think I won't kill you in the car," Alex shot back, wings rising in the small confined space of the car, confidence shooting through her as Meg shifted away.

"He keeps her stable," Emmanuel explained, ducking his head and turning back around when Alex shot him a dark glare.

"Hey hey hey." Dean's voice rose above the rest of theirs. "Stop bickering and settle down. Alex, stop threatening Meg, okay? And no, I'm not on her side," he added before Alex could protest. "Just keep it down. We'll be at the hospital in five minutes and then you two can fight it out all you want, understand?"

"Yeah." Alex crossed her arms and slumped down in her seat, glaring out the window. "I can wait."

...

They drove in silence until they reached the hospital. Dean parked the car on the hill above the back parking lot to the hospital, and Alex threw the car door open as she got out, shaking her wings out in frustration. Meg and Emmanuel followed, and the angel positioned herself between the demon and her angel. "Oh, gracious." Emmanuel looked down over the parking lot, where four people paced.

"Damn it," Meg agreed. "Demons."

"All of them?"

Alex grunted in agreement, and the demon added sarcastically, "No grass growing under your feet."

Emmanuel looked down at Alex. "How many of those demons can you kill?" he asked quietly.

"How many? I don't know. I mean, I could run down there and throw my grace out, but that'll kill everyone with their eyes open in that building, not to mention alert any other demons in the area." She shook her head. "And I wouldn't be able to kill all of the demons one by one; that's too much work for me. I don't have enough practice, I don't have enough grace."

"Any ideas where we can find an angel with that much juice on such short notice?" Meg asked, and Alex glared at the demon, knowing what she was suggesting.

Dean heard it as well, and asked pointedly, "Excuse me?"

The demon let out a loud sigh. "For the love of . . ." She grabbed Dean by the arm and dragged him a short distance away.

Alex pointed at Emmanuel. "Stay there," she ordered, hurrying over to the demon.

"Sam's in there," Meg was saying, voice exasperated. "I know you're enjoying the double dip with your old pal, but . . ."

"You think it's that cut and dry?" Dean hissed. "Really? You know what he did. And you want us to tell him and hope he takes it in stride? He could snap! He could . . . disappear. Who knows?"

"We don't even know if he'll remember," Alex added angrily. "I'm his mate, for God's sake! If he can't remember me —"

"I gather we know each other." All three spun around to see Emmanuel standing behind them.

Both Alex and Dean looked embarrassed, and Alex's wings fell low, but Meg remained unnervingly calm. "Just a dollop," she agreed.

Emmanuel looked between Alex and the Winchester. "You can tell me," he insisted. "It'll be fine."

Alex let out a scoffing breath, and Dean shook his head. "How do you know that?" he asked sharply. "You've just met yourself. We've known you for years."

"You're an angel."

Emmanuel looked over at Meg in confusion. "I'm sorry. Is that a flirtation?"

"No. It's a species. And a very powerful one. Just like Alex over here."

Alex flared her wings out angrily as she felt the demon motion towards her, and Emmanuel cocked his head. "I'm not an angel," he insisted, looking very much confused. "I can't be. I don't have wings." He looked down at Alex. "Am I?"

"She's not lying," Alex reluctantly admitted. "You are an angel." Her feet scuffled on the dirt, unsure of how her mate would take the news.

"That's why you heal people," the demon continued. "And why you don't need to eat. I'm sure there's more."

The healer looked down at Alex, and then over at Dean Winchester. "I don't understand," he finally said. "Why didn't you tell me? Being an angel sounded pleasant."

"Trust me, it's not. It's bloody, it's corrupt, and definitely not pleasant."

"He would know," Meg added with a smirk. "You three used to fight together you know. Bestest friends, actually —"

"Shut up!" Alex finally snapped, turning her head to glare at the demon. "Just shut up!"

"Am, am I Cas?" Emmanuel looked from Dean to Alex. "I, I had no idea." He held Alex's gaze. "That's why you were so jealous around Daphne. I'm your mate." He looked overwhelmed. "I'm sorry. I, I don't remember you."

Alex closed her eyes, but didn't respond. "Look," Meg broke in. "You got the juice. You can smite every demon in that lot."

"Are you sure?" Emmanuel looked at Alex.

"Yeah." Her voice cracked with pain, but she pushed it away with a small nod of her head. "You're a seraphim. You could smite four times that many demons and never break a sweat."

"But I don't remember how."

"It's in there," Dean promised. "It's like riding a bike."

"He doesn't know how to do that either," Alex admitted for him. She shook away the memories and folded her wings forward. "Look, it isn't hard. I had to learn for myself too. Just . . . focus on your grace. It'll burn the sin right out of them. Or something like that." She stepped back, not knowing what else to say.

Emmanuel looked scared, which made Alex afraid as well. However, after a second his face hardened in determination. "Alright. I'll try it." He slowly yet determinedly walked off towards the demons.

"This ain't going to end well," Dean muttered.

"I don't know," Meg disagreed. "I believe in our little tree topper."

Alex didn't put in her opinion. She sat down on the hood of the car, watching worriedly. She saw one of the demons approach Emmanuel, and Emmanuel reached out. White light lit up the night, and the demon crumpled to the ground, dead. Alex smiled in relief, knowing that he was going to be okay. The healer strolled forward, and Alex watched as he smote two demons at the same time.

One started to run, and wings unfurled from Emmanuel's shoulders, exploding out into the sky in a flash of navy and black feathers as he thrust them down, disappearing from sight and landing right front of the runner. A second later it was dead. Dean and Meg moved down the hill and approached the angel, but Alex hung back, afraid of how he would react to her. She only stood up, watching intently. She saw Castiel turn around to face Meg and Dean. They shared a few words, then Castiel flared his wings, thrusting them down and shooting up into the sky. Alex narrowed her eyes.

"I remember you."

Alex spun around at Castiel's deep voice, and her wings fell open at the sight of her mate. His navy wings were pinned tightly against his back, and Alex let out a nervous smile. "Yeah? Well, it's about bloody time."

"Why did you invite Lucifer back?"

"Can we not talk about this right now? Please?" Alex stepped closer, folding her wings towards him. "I've just spent the past four months without you. I just, I —" she struggled for words, and shook her head. "I need you." She stepped toward the angel, reaching out for a hug, needing to be close to him, but Castiel moved back, leaving Alex to drop her arms back by her side, looking deeply hurt. Dean and Meg hurried up the hill to stand beside her, and Alex shifted closer to Dean.

Castiel looked forlorn. "What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Sam is dying in there," Dean said.

"Because of me," Castiel shot back, pain breaking his voice. "Everything. All these people." He met Alex's gaze. "I shouldn't be here." He turned around and began to walk away.

"Cas. Cas!" Dean ran after the angel. Meg started to follow.

"Stay there," Alex hissed, taking off after them. "Cas, wait! Please!"

"If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time," Dean said angrily, following Castiel.

Cas stopped and spun around. "Don't defend me," he snarled. "Do you have any idea of the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?" His eyes clouded with grief, and Alex resisted the temptation to comfort him, instead holding her ground beside the Winchester. "We didn't part friends, Dean."

"So what?" Dean asked angrily.

"I deserved to die," Castiel insisted. "Now, I can't possibly fix it. So why did I bother walking out of that river?"

Dean hesitated. "Maybe to fix it," he finally said. "Wait here." Dean walked back to the car. Castiel turned to leave, but Alex grabbed him by the wrist.

"Don't you ever say you deserve to die," she hissed. "Because you don't." Tears welled up, but she forced them back. "How could you ever do that to me? I thought you were dead. I had to keep living without you, and I didn't want to. I — I don't understand, Cas. Why would you do that to me?"

Castiel shook his head. "You didn't love me, Alex. What did it matter to you?"

Alex stared up at Castiel, mouth hanging open in disbelief as Dean approached. Castiel stared at her, emotions flitting through his eyes, but he didn't apologize. Dean stopped beside Alex, and she closed her eyes, turning away. "Here." Dean held Castiel's trench coat out to him.

Castiel took it numbly, running his hand over the fabric. "Thank you," he muttered. He raised his wings and disappeared. Alex heard his wings flutter, but she didn't bother to feel for where he went. It didn't seem to matter.

Dean cursed at the seraph's exit. "Come on," he finally said. "Let's go find Sam. You stay here," he told Meg, and led Alex into the hospital. She followed Dean up the stairs, grace searching the rooms in front of her as they moved into the psychiatric ward.

Alex slid to a stop to see Castiel helping Sam back to him room. "We thought you left!" Dean snapped, hurrying forward to help the angel support his barely conscious brother. Alex followed, eyes wide in confusion as to why Sam was in such a state.

She opened her mouth to ask what had happened, but Lucifer appeared by her side. "Pity," he commented, watching as Castiel laid Sam down on the bed. "I suppose Cas will be throwing me out again." His voice was light, but Alex cast a glance up at his face to see anger darkening it. She growled at his words, and hurried over to Sam, who, as she watched, slipped into unconsciousness.

...

The next day, Alex was sitting on Sam's bed, one hand resting on the hunter's leg as Lucifer sat by the bedside, a children's book in his hands. "I see that the third little pig was smart," he was saying. "Went out and bought some bricks."

Alex chuckled. "Good for him," she agreed, shifting to rest her chin on her close hand.

"Alex." Castiel's voice had Alex turning to the angel who was standing by the door. "Who are you talking to?"

Lucifer paused in his storytelling, looking over at the seraph. "You gonna tell him or should I?" he asked, and Alex looked over at the devil, and eyebrow raised.

"Lucifer," Sam responded, and Alex turned to look over at the Winchester, shooting him a glare of betrayal.

Castiel stepped forward, wings arching upwards. "You can see him?"

"Yeah. I'm tapped into Sam's optical feed." Alex swung her feet over the bed and got up, moving to him. "He can't hurt me, Cas."

"Why?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." The young angel bared her teeth slightly in frustration. "It's not exactly like you've been around. I needed some angel to keep me company, thank you very much. And why the hell do you even care? You're the one who left me."

Castiel's wings flared, and Alex matched his challenge, refusing to back down. "I was as good as dead," he growled. "You continually rejected me time and time again. I gave you time, Alex. I gave you a year, but you still wouldn't accept me."

Alex glanced behind her, and reached out, grabbing Castiel's arm. "Can we talk outside?" Without waiting for an answer she pulled the angel into the hallway, shutting the door behind them. "Why do you keep saying I rejected you?" she snapped. "I don't understand, Cas. I've been there for you; I've tried to hard to keep you safe."

"You've kept your grace from me." Castiel gently pushed his grace against hers, and Alex's embraced it, tendrils entwining. The seraph pulled away. "You say you wanted to be my mate, but you're still holding yourself separate. I can't wait for you forever. You can't wait forever. It's not natural for you to be like this." Alex opened her mouth, ready to respond, but Castiel wasn't done. "I don't understand why you're doing this to me. To yourself. You need to choose." He looked up into Alex's eyes, hurt swimming in his blue gaze. "You have to make your decision."

"I made my decision, Cas." Alex stepped forward, wings curling around the seraph. "After you walked into that lake… Death came to me. The Horseman Death. He gave me a choice; stay angel or go back to being human. I chose to stay with you. It just . . . it just took you walking into that lake for me to see it."

Castiel looked away as Alex leaned closer, and she fell back off of her tiptoes in confusion. "Perhaps it's too late," he murmured. "The things I've done; I have to pay for the damage I've caused. For Sam, for heaven." He looked back towards the closed door. "I can't fix Sam, but I may be able to shift the problem."

"No." Alex grabbed the lapels of his trench coat, drawing his attention back to her. "I know what you're thinking, and don't do it. Lucifer will eat you alive, okay? Please." She stepped closer, pressing herself into Castiel, and her eyes fell closed as his grace wreathed around her. "You just got back. I can't let you leave me again."

"I'm sorry. This is something I need to do. I deserve this."

"But I don't!"

The seraph shook his head. "Alex, I'm sorry about everything. About leaving you, about Daphne, about letting you think I was dead. But I need to do this." He wrapped his arms around Alex, wings keeping her close, and the angel melted into his touch. "Le pas enay, you are the one thing that has kept me alive." Tears stung at the young angel's eyes, and she buried her head in Castiel's chest as he continued. "I will come back for you."

"Yeah. Same here." It came out as a whisper, and Alex stood up on her tiptoes and softly kissed her mate. The kiss was chaste, but the young angel's grace still thrummed as he kissed her back. "Please make it fast." She followed Castiel back into the room. "Hang on." Alex walked up to Sam, and gently touched him on the forehead, severing the connection allowing her to see Lucifer. "Okay."

"Now Sam," Castiel began, "This may hurt. And if I can't tell you again, I'm sorry I ever did this to you." Alex wanted to close her eyes, not wanting to watch, but found herself unable to look away. Castiel placed his hand over Sam's forehead, and the veins around Sam's eyes glowed red, forcing the Winchester to let out a cry of pain. The red light travelled up the veins in Castiel's arm and neck, and into his eyes. He remained silent, but he trembled from the utter pain he was feeling. Alex tore her gaze away, finding it too painful to watch. Dean rushed over to Sam, who suddenly became alert.

"Dean!" Sam shouted.

"Sam?" Dean called. Alex stood backed up against the door. Castiel tore his arm away, standing completely still, staring at the ground.

"Cas?" Sam looked surprised. "Cas, is that you?"

Castiel looked up at Sam. Horror spread across his face, and he stood up, backing away very slowly until he was standing against the wall, trembling. Alex closed her eyes, unable to see her mate that way. Sam and Dean exchanged glances, and Alex stepped out into the hall, eyes squeezed shut as she slumped to the floor against the wall. She drew her knees up to her chest and buried her head in between them, wrapping her arms around her legs as she stared blankly at the wall across from her.

A few seconds later the door opened, and both Winchesters stepped into the hallway. "Hey, Pip?" He approached her, and Sam followed close behind. "Alex? You alright?"

She didn't give a direct answer, but instead she quietly asked, "Is, is Cas —"

"We think it's best to check him in here, Pip. It's the safest place for him right now, and we can't take him along."

"How bad is he?" Alex pushed her grace into the room, but pulled it back before she felt her mate, too scared at what she would find. "I-I can handle him. I — I'll get us a motel room in town. I'll take care of him, Dean."

The Winchesters exchanged looks, and her heart flipped. Dean hesitantly began, "Alex, we don't even know if he's still conscious in there." He knelt down beside her, and a large, gentle hand came to rest on her knee. "I know what he means to you, but we need you more. These Leviathans — they're not something we can do by ourselves. We need every hand on deck."

Alex looked between Sam and Dean, and she ran a hand down her face and over her mouth. "I don't want to," she whispered, but nodded all the same; Dean was right. She sniffled and cleared her throat, regaining her composure. "Just . . . just give me a minute with him. Please." When both Winchesters nodded in agreement she stood up and slipped into the room inside.

Castiel was sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. "Cas?" Alex crossed the room to sit beside her angel, but only the twitch of his wings acknowledged her presence. "Please, man. Hurry up and shake this. Get back on your feet." She gingerly reached out to touch her mate's grace, pulling back at the turmoil inside. "Please. I . . . I'll be here the minute you get better." She reached out and placed a hand over his, entwining their fingers. His hand felt so real, so solid. So cold and lifeless. She gave it a squeeze, wings drooping when there was no response. She sighed, reaching up to run her hand through the side of his hair. "I love you," she murmured, leaning forward to brush a kiss over his temple. "I'll be here for you when you call. Promise."

Castiel didn't respond, and Alex stood up, closing the door behind her before she hurried down the stairs and out of the building. Dean was leaning against the Charger when Alex approached. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," the angel half-lied. She pulled open the back door and crawled into her seat. "Let's just go." Dean started the car, and the radio hummed to life as they drove away.

Beautiful loser
Never take it all
'Cause it's easier
And faster when you fall

You just don't need it all