Author's Note: The 365 Project is an experimental multi-fandom project to write and post at least one short every day for the next year, not including my semi-regular bi-weekly updates. For more details, see the relevent section in my profile. This is The 365 Project, 2 September.
In the immortal words of Samuel L. Clemens... "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR."
Disclaimer: "Smallville" is the property of Warner Brothers Entertainment and DC Comics and is used for entertainment purposes without permission or intent to profit.
Pairings: none direct, Clark/Alicia shared and Tess/Clark one-way implied.
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"Custodes Angelis"
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'
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The afterlife rocked from volley after volley as the greatest battle since ages past was fought for the highest of positions.
"I'm Clark's guardian angel!"
"Forget it, I spent longer helping him that you, I'm his guardian now."
"Helping him? Yeah, after holding his biological father's clone hostage and shacking up with the Kryptonian warlord that ended up killing him."
"At least I didn't brainwash him, kidnap him to Las Vegas and try to kill the girl he was interested in," the spirit of Tess Mercer countered.
"Only because you weren't smart enough to think of doing any of that," the being that had been Alicia Baker in life retorted.
Had it been taking place on Earth, in the world of the living, however, it would have been called a catfight. Some men who knew him would tease Clark Kent about women being attracted to the 'wholesome, all-American farmboy' image. Some of those men would only tease him the more if they knew that in some cases that attracted extended even after death. Alicia Baker, Clark's first 'real' girlfriend, had died in their senior year of high school, murdered by metahuman Tim Westcott; Tess Mercer, who had actually been born as Lutessa Luthor and was Lex Luthor's half-sister, had been killed six years later by her brother's clone while Clark - in his first public appearance as Superman - fought to stop Darkseid's Apokolips from destroying the Earth. In an ironic continuation of the cosmic joke that a man with so many different kinds of vision couldn't see what was right in front of him, Clark never realised the feelings that Tess had developed for him while he was chasing Lois Lane. One woman whose love bordered on obsession, one woman whose love was never recognised...
And they both thought it was their place to serve as Clark's protective spirit.
"Oh, yeah? I died to protect him from my brother, why did you die? Oh, wait... you died because you didn't trust him enough to go into police custody while he hunted for the real threat," Tess snapped back.
Which explains why he never seemed to have a guardian angel; they were too busy fighting over him.