Sweet, happy chapter anyone?
A few days after surgery, Delphine found herself sending silent thanks to Duncan, God, the universe, Shay for breaking Cosima's heart and starting a chain of events that led to her and Cosima here together, Kira for begging her aunt to move to Toronto, Siobhan and Felix and all of Cosima's sisters for keeping her going and encouraging her to let Delphine in, because Cosima was, more or less, up to her old antics. Even if she was also working Delphine's every last nerve, testing just how far she could push before her girlfriend's saint-like patience ran out.
The first couple of days after the surgery had been hell. The pain, never quite being able to catch her breath, the panic at never quite being able to catch her breath...Cosima had been petrified. There was a voice screaming nothing but doubt in her head. It seemed as if the tears never left her face and her hand never let go of Delphine's, but one day she woke-up and it all stopped, and the voice was gone. Every day that followed she felt a tiny bit better.
It wasn't until about ten days after that Cosima started to notice she was reliably breathing easier and, with her girlfriend's blessing, she reduced the time she had to wear the cannula to just overnight and when she felt she needed it. The scan they did at one week post-op showed the masses were already getting smaller. At two weeks post-op they were about half the size they had been and the cannula was put away in a closet. The masses in Cosima's trachea were almost completely gone already as well as the smaller masses in her lungs. If things continued at the current rate they anticipated the larger masses in her lungs to be completely gone in another two weeks. So, while she wouldn't be ringing in the new year with clear lungs just yet, she would be able to join in Felix's ever wonderful, ahem...drunken, rendition of Auld Lang Syne.
The shaking stopped, her energy greatly increased, there was no more wheezing or raspiness when she breathed, she could go up several flights of stairs without getting winded, her appetite was back and she was putting weight back on, her test results and scans were all looking great. The disease was receding!
"Delphine, come on! You love me." Cosima whined for the umpteenth time.
"Yes, and today I seem to be repeatedly asking myself 'why?'" Delphine lightly jabbed, pushing her girlfriend back down on the bed with a hand to her chest as she buttoned up her shirt.
"Ow!" Cosima exclaimed, a hand flying to her chest. "I just had surgery."
Delphine didn't even try to hide her eye roll this time as she grabbed the earrings off the dresser and put them in. "You had three small incisions two weeks ago Cosima. You are fine."
"I'm dying." Cosima protested, to which Delphine gave her a cold stare that made Cosima shut her mouth quickly. "They still hurt," she mumbled.
"I am not kissing them better again. If they still hurt that bad maybe we will have to tone down the sex." Thankfully it was an empty threat, because Delphine couldn't remember a time in her life when her skin had hummed so much. Even when they weren't together, even when it had been hours since Cosima touched her, a gentle buzz pulsed just under her skin, running off the memory of Cosima's lips, hands, tongue and teeth on her skin and the anticipation of when they next would be. She never had to wait long.
"Delphine!" Cosima whined again, rolling onto her back as her girlfriend looked for a pair of boots. She chose a pair that went over her knees and Cosima felt a heat low in her belly. Delphine wore those during a particularly thorough role-play once... "Do you really have to work today?" She tried, lowering her voice and elongating her words. Not surprising with her feeling better and her stamina increasing by the day, Cosima had been eager to make-up for all the times she hadn't been able to properly make love to her girlfriend.
"Yes!" Delphine said resolutely, not trusting herself to look up with that tone in her girlfriend's voice. No doubt Cosima was pouting too and she hadn't been able to resist that back when they first met and she didn't know Cosima was sick. She went about the room, gathering her things and avoiding looking anywhere close to Cosima's relative vicinity. "I have taken too much time off since your surgery so do not so much as think about telling me I am working too much."
"Wasn't going to." Cosima mumbled, knowing full well she had been beat this time. Delphine had been absolutely amazing since her surgery. She took time off from work, kept her promise to be her girlfriend first and waited on Cosima hand and foot giving her any and every thing she asked for. Which, granted, didn't require them to leave the bed half the time. They had a cure to keep working toward, so she couldn't keep Delphine home with her forever. She would be back to work herself soon enough. After the holidays. That much time wasn't exactly necessary, but Cosima was feeling so good and so positive with how well Duncan's serum was working that she wasn't ready yet to get back to working on the cure and be let down. Not yet. And, you know, "YOLO."
Delphine couldn't help but chuckle at the sight, despite herself. "I will be back later. Not too late," she added quickly, seeing her girlfriend ready to offer another argument. "I'll bring dinner. Je t'aime." Before Cosima could respond Delphine was down the stairs and out the door.
She paused a moment outside the door to lean back and take a deep breath. Cosima was her world. There were no words she could think of to describe the way she felt about her or what Cosima meant to her, how her heart had been firmly lodged in her throat since the second Cosima told her she was sick, or even the thoughts that came into her head whenever Cosima looked at her with that look in her eyes, but the tiny brunette was driving her up the proverbial wall! Which then made her feel guilty because her girlfriend was living with an incurable illness that her previous doctors expected to kill her in less than a year.
But Cosima was getting better. There was no cure, yet, but they had a treatment and were already seeing great improvements. It was far from a permanent fix, but it would stop the disease from progressing further. It was as if someone just set the pendulum to Cosima's life, going back and forth - surgery, masses shrink, Cosima feels better, masses grow back, Cosima feels worse, surgery, shrinking, better, back and then hopefully they would have made some serious progress on the cure and that would be it.
They were talking in terms of baby steps, but this was a step in the right direction.
This was one of those days she would sell her soul for a cigarette. There hadn't been many since she quit, thankfully. Her mind had been too occupied with everything else going on, but today was definitely one of those days. Just as she was rummaging through her bag for her keys, which she hoped beyond hope were in there somewhere and she didn't have to go back into the house, her cell phone rang.
"Mon Dieu Sarah!"
The brunette snickered on the other end of the line. "Doesn't sound like our geek monkey has gotten any better."
"I didn't think it was possible at first, but she has gotten worse." Thankfully finding her keys, Delphine unlocked the car and started the engine. "I don't even have to work today, but I had to get out of there." Technically today was the first day of Delphine's vacation. Months ago she scheduled both herself and Cosima off the week of Christmas until after the New Year, but at the time they hadn't anticipated Cosima having this surgery. With the time she had taken off for that, needing to put some hours in working on the cure was as good of an excuse as any to get out of the house.
Sarah laughed. "That bad?"
"I took five days off to stay with her after her surgery, then went back part-time for a few days. Even with being back fulltime for almost a week, I am at my limit with her! Her mother doesn't arrive until tomorrow and I am afraid one of us will not make it that long."
Sarah laughed again. "I'll call Bobby in and have her open the club for me today and come over." Bobby and her girlfriend moved up the day of Cosima's surgery and Sarah did, in fact, hook her up as Cosima promised. She already put the blonde to good use so she could take some time off to be there for Cosima after her surgery. Due to an unfortunate incident with a couple of customers and some empty bottles being smashed over their heads, Sarah found herself with an open head bartender position and Bobby was proving herself well suited for the role.
"Merci, Sarah." Delphine could cry. "Truly, thank-you."
"Don't make a habit of this. You're going to drive you girlfriend right into the bloody ground and then what will happen to you?"
"Don't believe a thing she says." Cosima smirked. "She loves it!"
"She loves you." Sarah clarified, handing Cosima a glass of wine and sitting beside her with a glass of bourbon. "She tolerates the rest of it."
Cosima eyed her glass. "Isn't it a bit early for-"
"Your girlfriend is a saint." Sarah interrupted. "I am not. So we both need to drink."
With a shrug Cosima settled back into the couch beside her sister. "You ready for Christmas?"
Sarah snorted, taking a drink. "Yeah sure," she shrugged. Kira was getting to that age where she was starting to question the legitimacy of Santa Claus. It didn't help that Gemma and Oscar knew the truth as they were two and four years older than Kira, respectively, but they were still pretending for their cousin's sake. Unfortunately Kira was too perceptive for that. "Kind of takes the fun out of it when your kid stops believing you know?"
Sarah wasn't always the best mother, but she was always there for Christmas. Seeing Kira's face light up as she saw her gifts waiting under the tree, or even being woken up at the crack of dawn by an over-excited little girl was literally the highlight of her year.
"Well, Sarah, the magic of Christmas isn't just Santa." Cosima reasoned. "It's everyone coming together. It's singing carols, badly, it's houses all lit up with lights, it's decorating the Christmas tree, it's baking cookies and eating half the batter. And old Christmas movies and horse drawn sleigh rides and gingerbread houses..." Looking across the room at the clock on the wall, Cosima turned to her sister with a smile on her face. "Come on, let's go."
"Oi!" Sarah protested as her glass was taken out of her hand. "Go where?"
"We're going to get a tree."
"Cosima we've already got a tree." Sarah sighed, watching Cosima disappear with their drinks into the kitchen. "Kira decorated it weeks ago."
"Yeah, well, I don't." Granted things had been a little hectic the past month or so, but a tree completely escaped her mind. There wasn't even a single Christmas decoration around. Which was surprising given that Alison had been over often the past couple of weeks bringing homemade soups and casseroles and pies because that's what Alison does when someone is sick. It was surprising she hadn't commented on the lack of Christmas cheer around. Maybe she was giving them the benefit of the doubt.
The second they got to the store, Cosima grabbed the first cart she saw and dragged her sister, complaining all the way, up and down each and every aisle, absolutely filling the cart to the brim. She got electric candle lights for all the windows, an ornament wreath for the front door, a figurine set with all the characters from Rudolph, nutcrackers, Poinsettia plants-real ones that require watering, individual red letter blocks spelling out 'BELIEVE' to go on the fireplace mantle along with a garland made of evergreen, ribbon and styrofoam candies covered in glitter, gingerbread and cinnamon and Christmas tree scented candles as well as some that didn't smell at all but that were decorated to look like candy canes, LOTS of candy canes, ceramic snowmen of varying sizes, mistletoe, Christmas/winter bedding for their room, the guest room and another spare set and a collection of blankets for the living room, hand towels for the kitchen and bathrooms, small tabletop Christmas trees made of lights and ribbon for the bathrooms and an end table or two...or fourteen, old Christmas stories she remembered loving as a child, Christmas movies on DVD, stockings to hang on the mantle for her and Delphine – Delphine's was red with the plush head of a golden cocker spaniel on the top and hers black and ultra nerdy with different chemical compounds stitched out on it, probably about five strings of tree lights too many and ornaments of every shape, size and color imaginable including one of the Eiffel Tower, the Golden Gate Bridge, one for each of her sisters, a microscope, test tubes, another cocker spaniel...
"Christmas tissues?" Sarah asked with a tired sigh, pushing the heavy cart around a large reindeer. They had three carts going at this point and it was looking a lot like there would soon be the need for a fourth. She grabbed the box of tissues and put it back on the shelf as Cosima pushed on ahead, taking her cell phone out and snapping a couple pictures. 'How's your trunk space?' She typed out with a smirk.
A few moments later her cell phone pinged. 'All you had to do was watch her…'
Sarah chuckled, watching as her sister threw another armful of Christmas cheer into her cart. 'I am watching her. She's having a great time.'
She could imagine Delphine sat at her desk with her head in her hands. 'I am supposed to be getting work done.'
Sarah rolled her eyes. 'You're not even supposed to bloody be there.' Giving Delphing the address to the store, she pocketed her phone and t-boned Cosima's cart. "Time to go."
"What about this one?"
"Non, non, this one is perfect!"
Cosima peered around the mass of branches and green needles, her smile growing even wider. With what seemed like a skip in her step, she came up, grabbed Delphine's face in her hands and kissed the breath out of her. "It's perfect."
Given that Christmas was in two days, their options were limited to the Charlie Brownest of the Charlie Brown trees or the most exquisite, aka the most expensive. Despite her reluctance to ask her mother for access to any of her accounts she never touched, Cosima had, and was currently reaping the benefits of that tall glass of pride she swallowed. She just wanted this to be the best Christmas for everyone. Her disease was receding, her symptoms were nearly gone at this point, her test results and scans looked great, so while she was healthy and had the energy, she wanted to make this a Christmas to remember.
This was a happy time of year and she was doing better! Better than she had been in years. Her family had done so much for her. This was just a small thing she could do for them. She could give her family the best Christmas they ever had and she could make this first Christmas with Delphine one to remember. Just in case this was her last, she wanted it to be remembered.
But this, silently bringing her camera from her pocket and snapping a picture of Delphine holding the beautiful Balsam Fir tree that smelled like a tiny slice of heaven, this was happy. Even if they found the cure and administered it right now, there was no guarantee they would get in the car and make it home. Tomorrow wasn't guaranteed to anyone. Disease or not, each and every day was a gift and Cosima intended to treat it as such.
"Sarah, can you take a picture of us with the tree?"
Sarah raised a brow. "Do I look like the paparazzi?"
"Please?" Cosima pouted. Delphine smirked. Seems she wasn't the only one broken down by that pout. Cosima handed the camera over and ran over to Delphine, all bright smiles and grasping hands and puckered lips. It might have been the fact that she closed her eyes to give Cosima her requested kiss, but Delphine would swear on her life she saw Sarah Manning smile behind the camera.
This time it was Delphine's turn to play paparazzi. Okay, to be fair she wasn't the only one doing it, but she was doing the most of it. How often were Cosima and all of her sisters in the same place doing the same thing? And Felix, but when you said sister, that meant him too. There was only one person missing, but luckily a big memory card with plenty of space for more pictures once they arrived.
*knock knock*
Delphine was the only one to hear the knocks, which was fine as it was her surprise anyway. She pulled the door wide and brought the last sestra in for a hug. "It's good to see you Beth."
Beth smiled, genuinely, and hugged the doctor back. "Merry Christmas Delphine."
"Joyeux Noël!"
Looking around the completely trashed living room taking in the laughing and ornament hanging and Christmas music playing, Beth drank in the moment. "TheyThat didn't know I was coming?"
"No." Delphine agreed. "I wanted it to be a surprise."
Going to the stereo system, Beth cut the music, but even with that it took a while for its silence to be heard over all the noise. Ever the watchdog, it was Sarah who noticed first. "Oi! What happened to the...Beth?!"
"Happy Christmas dipshits!"
Alison was the first to her sister, followed by Helena then Sarah and Felix, and Cosima went to Delphine after giving her sister a hug. "How are you here?"
"I got a few days out for Christmas. Just during the day. Still have to be back by nine and Delphine agreed to sponsor me. Keep me on the straight and narrow for the next three days."
"You did this for her?" Alison turned to Delphine with tears in her eyes. "For us?"
Delphine nodded, letting Cosima turn her head and draw her lips into a kiss. "Thank-you," she whispered, laying her head on Delphine's chest. While Delphine did this for them, the reward was for her too. This family had been through so much lately. Nearly losing two sisters, both to disease, but they were both getting better. There wasn't a cure for either disease, but they were working on it. Each and every one of them in the room as well as some people not in the room, and she was sure both Beth and Cosima would win. These diseases didn't define them, they weren't who they were. They were just bumps in the road.
This was her reward. Beth, her friend, home for the holiday with her sisters and Cosima, snug in her arms. Cosima fit differently in her arms now. No longer was she just skin and bone and tremors, but flesh and curves and life! She was warm and strong and that smell of sick, which had permeated every pore of her skin was gone, replaced by the once familiar smell of pot and jasmine, with a thick undertone of Christmas now. When they made love, Delphine didn't see skin pulled taught over ribs and hips, didn't see olive skin slowly taking on a scary ashy huehugh, didn't see a body that was eating it's own muscle just to function. She saw Cosima. Cosima with soft curves, skin glowing in its health covered in red blotches because she put them there. She would always love Cosima in whatever form she was in, but Cosima healthy and happy in her arms was absolutely everything.
...The stockings had been hung by the chimney with care and the tree was fast decorated with all the sestras there...
Together the six women got the house absolutely awash with Christmas cheer by the time Alison and Sarah went to get the kids. Somehow they found a spot for every decoration Cosima bought today. Every snowman and Ssanta and snowflake found a place and it didn't look as insane as everyone thought it would. It looked very Alison-esque, actually, if Donnie didn't reign her in just a little. Looked like something out of a magazine, but it was nice. It was cheerful. After the past couple of months, there was no such thing as too much cheer.
Jaws dropped when the kids walked in and Cosima quickly popped on a Christmas movie – Frosty the Snowman, because, "Classic, dude" and dragged them into the kitchen with her, Alison and Sarah to bake cookies. From scratch. After a bit of smoke nearly setting the fire alarm off, Delphine joined in as well with a secret family Christmas cookie recipe and a watchful eye. A few batches of cookies, and not a single wisp of smoke, later and everyone was decorating their gingerbread people while the last batch of Delphine's secret recipe cookies were in the oven.
"Felix!" Alison chastised upon seeing how Felix was decorating his cookie. "There are children present, for Heaven's sake."
Felix bit the offending part from his cookie, suggestively licking the frosting from his lips as the kids continued on blissfully unaware.
When the sun had set and outside was dark, they took the seats out of the back of Alison's minivan, all piled in and drove around looking at the Christmas lights. It took some convincing, from all of them to get Alison over herself. "Alison, Jesus, it's not like we're going on the highway pushing the speed limit and driving 'cross country." Sarah argued. "It's side streets to see some bloody lights."
"We can go as slow as you want." Cosima added calmly, trying to apply to the control-freak part of her sister.
"Please Mom!"
Kids will do it every time!
There was laughter and fun and mess and noise and family and it was everything every one of them needed. They all left around eight, wanting to get the kids home and off their sugar highs before bed and Beth back to rehab on time. Then it was a good hour before the living room was once again clean.
Sometime later, way later, once even the youngest and most sugar-infused of their group had to have fallen asleep snug in her bed, Cosima and Delphine lay curled up together naked under a ridiculously plush new blanket in front of a roaring fire with mugs of, spiked, hot cocoa.
"Looks like we will have a white Christmas." Delphine noted with a smile and a kiss.
Cosima sighed into the kiss, not even bothering to look out the window and see for herself. There was no greater view than the woman in her arms, hair tussled and skin flushed. It was always snowing in Canada anyway. The low, melodic notes of 'Have yourself a merry little Christmas' played over the stereo. They both saw it coming, honestly, given the mood with low candle lit lighting, soft music and romantic fire. Didn't matter that they just emerged from their bed, sweat-slick skin quickly cooling as they clambered down the stairs in search of hydration. Or that they only, or so they claimed, lit the fire and grabbed the blanket to stay warm while they drank their hot chocolate. They both knew they would end up wrapped up in one another again.
Delphine noted each time they made love that Cosima was able to go longer than the time before and didn't need as long of a recovery period after, or between. She was able to infuse it with more. There had always been love, tenderness, devotion and passion in their love making, but each time they came together now Cosima was able to bring . . . more. More love, more passion, more fire, more teasing.
Coughing no longer brought up blood. The coughing in it's entirety had lessened, damaged lungs healing and being able to handle more. Cosima's soft, supple curves were slowly coming back. It hadn't been that long yet, but her appetite seemed to be making up for lost time and Delphine was glad when her fingers didn't dip around a bone like they spent far too long Cosima's hands shook now and her eyelids were heavy and half-lidded, it wasn't because of any disease. It was because she was excited, the life literally vibrating within her whole body.
Delphine had never felt so close to another person, to Cosima, before. Maybe something about nearly meeting death in all her heartbreaking glory will do that to you. Seeing her face and leaving with a "Not this time, bitch!" The orgasms were amazing with Cosima, always had been, but there's something about having her here now, wrapped around her fingers, tasting the salt on her skin or the evidence of her arousal on her tongue, feeling no longer just skin and bone and raspy breath, that made it almost feel as though they were one. Delphine would go without orgasms the rest of her life to feel this closeness, but with Cosima she knew she would never have to. Hell, she would quit her job and move to a hut on a beach somewhere and sell handmade jewellery or bras made out of coconuts just to feel this for a single minute.