Lies
Sam's p o v
" Sam Are you okay?
Her voice filled every part of my head , when I looked up my whole body jumped as Carly's eyes meet mine in the mirror her face staring back at me. I held myself back from screaming as I grabbed the sink to keep my balance as I looked around only to find out Carly wasn't even here. I was by myself no one was around . I blinked splashing my face trying to control myself deep breath. I told myself as I looked up again. She was gone I breathed out in relief..Wait that didn't feel right if I was relieved why did my heart drop? Sighing I dropped to the floor curling my knees up to my chin. I felt like crying but I couldn't ..I wouldn't break down..but what was happening to me? Why all of a sudden was I having all these feelings for Carly? She's been my best friend for years..What changed? I don't ever remember feeling this strongly before .. I rocked back and forth how could my feelings change in such a sort time? What was wrong with me? How could I control myself There had to be a way?
Sam are you okay?
I shot up I was hearing things again I shivered I was really starting to lose it now wasn't I? I was becoming more like that crazy bitch every day . Damn you and your demons mom why couldn't you and your gene's leave me alone? Swallowing I buried my face in my knees if I didn't look it wouldn't hurt. My breathing was ragged please god just help me get through this ..I swear I will change if that's what you want. I will go to my therapy and I will corporate..I will follow my probation and I promise I will be good just please let me be normal.
I was drenched in sweat as I kept my eyes closed trying to block out the voices.
Sam Sam what's wrong?
Sam are you on drugs? Sam talk to me what's wrong are you sick?
They didn't stop the voices kept coming mocking me as if they knew what I was thinking how could she read my mind like this? Did she really think of me as a sick freak? I mean I was wasn't I? It wasn't normal for a girl to have these feelings and then to hide them and keep up this facade of being best friends when every time she touched me. I started thinking all these dirty thoughts. They were dirty right? They couldn't be normal? Maybe I was on drugs maybe this was just a illusion ..who was I kidding? I couldn't afford drugs...Carly would kill me if she saw them in the house there was no way I could sneak them.
I felt sick maybe I needed drugs.
Sam..
Sam open your eyes..
Her hands felt rough against my checks what had she been doing? Carly always had the smoothest hands like baby skin.
Sam!
Open your damn eyes or I'm getting the nurse
I did what she said slowly I pried my eyes open I blinked now I was seeing different people not just Carly great …
I sighed and leaned my head back against the tile and closed them again.
Sam come on it's me Wendy please talk to me what's going on?
Noth..ing I just need to get away ya know teachers are getting on my nerves
Yea gurl I know that feeling that's why I ditched to
Wanna a cig?
Sure Wendy
Thanks gurl
She gave me a cigarette which she lit for me my hand was shaking as I held it trying to calm myself down.
Did ya see Ms. Burgman's eyeshadow I mean like come on did she leave any red left in the stores?
I know ew she looks like she got suckered punch by two cardinals and she didn't win let me tell ya
We laughed as we smoked our blunts..
Miss. Puckett how nice of you to join us late of course but I guess we should be grateful that you graced us with your presence at all huh?
Mrs. Kay stopped what was she doing? I entered her biology class slowly unsure maybe I should if just skipped. All heads looked up Carly's eyes were full of worry. I slide in my seat next to her she mouthed are you okay?
I jumped a bit as she took my hand into hers she felt cool against my warm skin as soon as she felt me she got even more worried.
Mrs. Kay was watching us Carly was trapped she couldn't talk or she would get a dentition but I knew she was dying to ask me.
My eyes went forward to see the notes on the board as soon as her back was turned to us Carly sent me a text damn the girl can type fast.
Sam your clammy and warm and shaking what's wrong?
If only Carly knew why I was so warm . Mrs. Kay was watching so I couldn't respond.
I tried to pay attention the way everyone else was but my mind was on Carly and only Carly ..I needed to escape. I kept thinking about how cute she was when she was trying to hard to listen and write at the same time. The way her mouth curled a bit how her hair fell over her left eye. The way her hands held so tight to the pen.
Puckett perhaps you can tell us the answer ?
A few kids who had no common sense snickered I swallowed I couldn't afford a bad grade.
Miss. Puckett were waiting could you hurry up a bit not all of us run on Sam Puckett time the rest of us run on daylight savings which means we have 10 minutes left in class.
If you paid attention more maybe you wouldn't be so stupid ...if you have any hope of passing with anything higher then a f I suggest getting that butt up now. I also suggest paying attention to class instead of how hot Carly looks..
More snickers and a few comments my face flushed..
Turn to page 20 class tonight's homework read from page 20 section A – section B on page 104.
I want a essay done expressing the issue that's discussed in chapter 4 and your views of how it effects your world. What do you think will happen in another 10 years?
Everyone groaned Carly looked pissed as she buried her head in her arms moaning.
You can thank Sam for that and it's due tomorrow..
What that's not fair!
Why should we be punished for her laziness?
Thanks a lot Puckett!
You suck Puckett!
Dyke!
Want a head injury Jerkins keep talking
Dentition Puckett I will not tolerate any kind of violence including threats of it !
But he called me a ..
It doesn't matter shut your mouth sit your ass down and pay attention or go see Principle Franklin and make sure you tell him how you threatened our star football player.
Understand dumb ass?
I was in shock what had I ever done to her? Why was she such a bitch ? She was new this year I hadn't even met her till my first day of class with her. Carly was near tears she was so mad I could see her face fuming up. Her eyes pleaded with me to be quiet. I swallowed if I went to Principle Franklin he would have to report it.
I crossed my arms sinking down..
Deranged bitch
I muttered
Excuse me Sam what did you say repeat it louder..it's rude to mutter
My face flushed deeper.
I said yes ma'am
Sam why did you have to go and piss her off like that?
We already had enough homework plus dance your therapy and your P.O
I didn't do anything Carly
Yea ya didn't pay attention either Sam
Carly threw her books inside her locker and slammed it pissed as she glared at me . I suddenly felt like a little kid getting scolded. Carly was never angry at me like this but right now she was pissed.
" Sam why can't you be more like your sister Mel she's perfect just so sweet so kind she knows how to listen and pay attention. I never have to tell her twice to pick up her toys and clean up she does it on her own she listens to me every time I talk..why can't you be like Mel why are you so stupid?
Slap right across my face I stiffened my upper lip which was trying to quiver I wouldn't cry. She picked up one of my toys which was a plastic car she started to shake it.
How many times Samantha do I have to tell you not to leave these in places where I can trip over them! Do you even listen when I talk? No of course not you ungrateful spoiled brat!
She picked me up and started to shake me hard I felt sick my head hurt.
What do I have to do to make you hear me? Damn it Samantha!
Mel cried I begged her silently please stop please hear me use our twin telepathy. She kept whimpering though and they turned into wails.
Shut-up Melanie !
Mel's eyes went wide but she got up and ran to our room. I was alone again which made Mom even madder.
See what you did Samantha! Your such a bad girl you drove my sweet Mel off damn you!
She picked up the car and and smashed me across my face . Blood pushed it's way to the surface she smashed me across the other side. I fell against the wall as she started hitting me repeatedly my hands flew up to protect myself which only made it worse. She started screaming about what a screw up I was and how stupid I was as she marched to grab something my heart was beating so hard. I felt sick like I would pass out. My legs shock as I tried to stand my face was wet and sticky.
Now Samantha you listen to me good and you hear me!
I backed up moving against the wall..
Hold your hands out Samantha !
I looked at her scared
Did you hear me? Do I have to repeat myself?
You don't want me to repeat myself do you Samantha?
I held my hands out scared what was she going to do?
Now listen to me Samantha do not move your hands till I say so you understand?
Y..e...s..s..s..s
My little voice shock she grinned running her hands through my blond curls.
That's my girl Sam close your eyes and I will teach you a lesson
My heart was pounding out of my chest.
Pain over took my whole hands it took everything not to cry the pain was infinite. I wanted to scream to cry to move but I didn't dare..I fought it as the pain tore through me my head was pounding I was dizzy I felt sick I gripped the walls but my legs started to give.
Damn it Samantha you didn't listen !
She took a iron rod and slammed me over the head and kept beating me.
Mom stop!
Mommy I'm sorry stop hurting me!
Mom I promise I'll listen better please stop hurting me
I'm going to make sure you never have to be told twice ever again no one will say I didn't teach you right!
My hands were raw and bloody and shaking I couldn't move them. .
Momma stop I'm sorry ..
Finally the sweet blacknessI craved consumed me . I fell into it's open arms, I didn't try to stop myself.
I woke up to the dimming of the sunlight Mel was sitting besides me crying shaking me to wake up.
Sami I need you wake up Sami Mommy's making strange noises in her bed some strange dude is here again Sami wake up!
She was pleading with me I felt like I had been hit by a truck ..she pulled me up I curled my legs up to my chest.
What happened to your hands Sam?
I looked down at them they were white with blood pouring out some of the blood was dry my eyes fell on what she used a iron rod which was now burnt black and gasoline and a cigarette lighter ..
I started to shiver then I got sick all over the place.
Sami Sami I'll go get Mommy..
N..
I couldn't choke out No terror filled me I tried to run but I couldn't even stand.
I told you to listen to me Sam Damn you I said No more messes look what you did!
Did you listen of course not well I guess I have to teach you harder!
Please Mommy No!
I'm sorry!
I'm Sorry..
Sam ? Sam? Sam Stop I'm not going to hurt you it's okay I'm sorry
I shouldn't of yelled Sam come back to me! Sam..
I blinked shaking as my vision came into focus . Carly's face came into view, she looked worried and upset when she saw my eyes open she locked hers into mine. She squealed throwing her arms around my shoulders resting her head against my neck.
Sam are you okay?
What happened?
Why would you think I would ever hurt you?
Sam talk to me please..
Some how I had gone from standing by our lockers to sitting against a wall clear across from our lockers. Kids were standing around pointing and whispering staring at us. Carly held my hands staring into my eyes.
Sam come on I'm taking you to the nurse
Carly I'm fine I just ..
No your not quit lying
She helped me up wrapping her arms around me protectively I heard the snickers.
Crazy Bitch
I told you she was mental
I was suddenly to tired to fight back so I laid my head on her shoulder glaring at the rude kids.
My head was spinning as Carly helped me to lay down on the cot.
Relax Sam the nurse will be with you in a minute you okay babe?
I closed my eyes feeling Carly sweep a hand over my forehead.
Spencer came and picked us up I heard him and Carly talking in the back-round softly as I lay on the couch in Mrs. Cosgrove's office. I wouldn't talk I couldn't no one could know what a freak I was.
I saw her talking to them and they would glance over at me every so often . I closed my eyes I just wanted to melt away why was my life so messed up why couldn't I just control myself? My thoughts my feelings? My life? I wanted to melt away.
If I pretended to be asleep maybe they wouldn't push me. It didn't work she came over and sat by me I heard them leave. I didn't care what she had to say she couldn't help me she couldn't change me make me un-gay could she?
Sam What happened today?
Yea like I would tell you bitch? Leave me alone I thought curling around the pillow tighter I just wanted to sleep that's all I wanted.
Who would love me now? It was hard enough before but at least I was normal now forget it I didn't stand a chance. What was it worth living for?
Sam at some point you have to tell us what's happening you can't handle this alone
Watch me lady just sit back in your designer suits and watch me.
It's okay to be yourself it's okay to cry if you want to your not weak
If You tell us what happened we can help you..
Lies all lies no one could help me now no one...Just like the lyrics to a song..I was trapped by these memories and these lies..
Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear You will never be strong enough [Chorus:] But through my tears breaks a blinding light Rest in me and I'll comfort you [Chorus] Rest in me and I'll comfort you
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again
You will never be good enough
You were never conceived in love
You will not rise above
They'll never see
I'll never be
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you