Chapter 37
Angels and Outlaws
Part 1 of 14
Author's Note:
The ending became a lot of chapters. I never intended for it to be over a 100,000 words to close out the story. It is extremely a long read for you guys but I don't want to shorten it to just finish. I have invested a lot of time in it, you have as well.
So, I am posting about half of it now and the rest will follow. I hope you will stay with me because there is a lot of story left to tell. With the final chapter, I think it will all make sense.
Each character has been on their own journey throughout the story. Some made their own outcome of what would happens to them; Tig, Bobby, Thomas and others. If you stop and think about it, each of them have created what is in store for the future by what they done in the past. When it was time for the good to surface and when it was time to be evil; yes, both Jackson and Kyle done this. What will happen to another character; Gemma and Tara made a lot of those decisions. Why is was all nessacary; John, Jackson, Kyle, Thomas, Able and baby Thomas determined most of it.
Once I post the story key. I would love to hear from you with your opinions. You don't have to leave it in a review, you can send a PM. Different views is what makes this great.
Chapter 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, and 43 have been posted. Make sure to read them all. This isn't the end yet. We still have another 6 or 7 chapters to go.
A lot of shit had changed since that fateful day we stood before him. We were judged on a whole new level. Yet, still a lot of things stayed the same and even some became better. My children were the center of the universe for me and always would be. What I done on that day to get them out, ended up saving us all to some degree.
If the cause you fought for was important enough to you, you gave everything you had until you drew your last breath. Somethings, were just a lost cause in the fight. You had to be smart enough to know the difference. We all got hurt in life, crushed until we had nothing left to give. You just had to figure out what was worth suffering for.
There were so many uncertainties of life for us. Although, I embraced them as they came much as I did the ones I loved. As it altered the path I took, I learned a lot. Not only about others but, about myself. Some of the most beautiful chapters of our lives, couldn't be given an appropriate title until later on. When we seen where those uncertainties led us to, how modification played out and why adjustments were nessacary.
Kyle wouldn't ever talk about it with me. It was the only big block between us. There was something he wouldn't say, information he withheld from me. I could never figure out what happened with John, Jax and Kyle. What I knew for certain, the chaos passed us by. It went in one direction and we went in another.
Through the living room big picture window, I watched my sons, Abel and Kenny, throw a baseball to each other. Most of the time, Abel was chasing it around the yard. While Thomas done his best not to fall down as he walked around in the grass in his new shoes. He was getting to be a big boy now. My sweet Ellie, she had her feet propped up on the rail of the wrap around front porch. Her toes were painted blood red. They hadn't dried yet because she was fanning them with her magazine.
My family wasn't perfect. This moment sure felt like they were though. I brought the cup up to my lips as I continued to watch them through it. It was something I enjoyed to do. Daily, I seen them pass by the same window. Or I looked out of it to check on them. Even the occasional yell from them came through it, they were hungry and got my attention.
Ellie was in the same place when I went out. I joined her in the rocking chair beside her. This was my favorite spot on the property. We exchanged wild drunken nights out, jumping out of airplanes and chaos. For sipping ice tea on the porch in the evenings while we rocked babies.
"Where is he?"
"I think they are in the barn." Ellie continued to fan away. In a few short months, she had blossomed to a beautiful young lady. It wouldn't be long until a line of boys formed around her. We wouldn't be able to keep them away.
With Thomas' hand in mine. We took a walk. Everything was a new adventure and exciting to him at this age. He loved to do this with me. It became a ritual for us. If we saw one of god's little creatures I would tell him what it was. Or we would pick flowers and apples together.
"Bunny. Mommy, Bunny." His vocabulary expanded with more new words every day. We had scads of bunnies around. Yet, he always pointed it out to me when he saw one.
"The car looks great."
"It's staring to."
Boomer and Kyle fixed up the old car I bought for Ellie. Once it was restored, you would have never guessed it to be so broken down before. You could make a lot of thing brand new again when they were polished and shined. Human were the same.
Everyone assumed Kyle and I were a couple. Even though we weren't. It was just a speculation because we lived under the same roof and raised the kids together. The one I thought would fight it the most, didn't at all. Jax just walked away and left me in peace. Deep down, I knew it had something to do with John Teller. But, I never knew what for certain.
For a couple of months, I took time off. Down time with my children. To get them settled in a new house, a new school. A new way of life. They adjusted well to it quickly. The only one who worried me at times was Abel. There was a constant nagging feeling which was unexplained. I had to protect him above and beyond the other children. My motherly instincts kicked in on overdrive when it came to my son.
"Are you sure Cody won't be too much trouble?" A pregnant Nicole waddled her way from the car to the barn. She and David were taking a vacation for a week. Their only time to celebrate a honeymoon before he had to deploy out again.
"He will be fine. Abel will love having him here."
Abel and Cody were closer than ever. They were truly brothers from different mothers. Since they only lived a few miles away, the boys saw each other almost every day.
After Kyle bought this house, they bought theirs and we were neighbors. He sold his others to help pay for it. I used some of my money to buy furniture and other house hold items we needed. But, not working and taking on new expenses had taken its toll on the pocket.
Even my career went in a brand new direction. It scared the hell out of me to do it to take the plunge. The thought of failing was not an option. So, I took the risk anyway with encouragement from Kyle. I bought an old building along with medical equipment with the money Thomas left me and most of my retirement. I started my own practice and sunk everything I had in it along with my heart. Sure, it was a very risky move. But, most moves I had made in life were.
As I stated before, life wasn't perfect for us. The bitch coming up the driveway reminded me so. "Kyle, you have company."
He wiped his greasy hands on a towel and peeked out the barn door. His face fell as soon as he seen the car. "What the fuck does she want?" I could have answered his question, money. Yet, I didn't because I knew his ex-wife would hassle him enough.
She got paid when he sold their house. About once a month she made an appearance for more. She used their son as a pawn in her game. Who didn't like to have nice things and excess money. I bought myself stuff when I could. But never done it at the expense of my children.
Her hands immediately went to her hips when she existed the car. He got the sob story to start with just like she always done it. When it didn't work, she got real nasty about it.
"No." Kyle stood his ground with her and didn't falter away from his stance. She didn't care for the new non pushover he became much.
"You are worthless as a father. Just like you were as a husband."
"I've already told you, no more money until I get visitations for my son. If Zach needs something, I will buy it for him. But not another dime to you."
She caved and left finally. I knew she wouldn't give up this easily and would be back soon. Sometimes, it was just easier to give them what they wanted to get them out of your life.
The way Kyle beat on shit in the barn, I would say, he was still pissed off. Zach was his son. When I thought about it, even I caved. "Maybe she does need the money for Zach."
"If my son needs something, I will pay for it. I have four other children to think about now and their well being. I'm not giving her anymore money." He snatched up his t-shirt off the car to go shower. So we could go to town.
"It's about time." It seemed to please Nicole, what her brother had done.
Part of me was pleased as well. They were our children in his eyes, all four of them. The other part, probably the mother part, wanted to feel at least a little bad for his ex-wife. But I couldn't bring myself to because I felt she had ulterior motives with Kyle.
"Have a great time and don't worry about Cody." Thomas and I saw the honeymooners off. They were anxious to get their vacation started.
"Are you ready, girl?" The kids sure were. They had already piled in the car while they waited for us to get there.
The long drive to town gave me time to reflect. I actually didn't mind it. Sometimes, it was the only alone time I had. Other times, I enjoyed listening to the kids interact with each other. Then, there were those long rides when all they done were bicker with each other. Even those moments I treasured. They truly acted like brothers and a sister.
When we got to Wal-Mart the boys went with Kyle. Ellie usually stayed with me. She was old enough to wander off if she wanted to go look at something on her own.
The long grocery list unfolded when I pulled it out of my purse. We would be here for an hour for sure to get this done. When you fed six people every meal, it got expensive fast. When I turned around to talk to Ellie, I didn't even bother. She was busy checking out two teenage boys. They were staring back at her too.
"Young love." I went on to get what we needed. She would catch up with me soon.
Before I got half of the list checked off even. The cart was almost full. With a long sigh. "Ellie, will you go get another cart?"
Ellie hadn't made it back yet before I seen the boys. They had fishing poles, tackle boxes, lawn chairs and worms in their hands for all the kids. Two tents and other various camping equipment as well. Then each kid dropped off an arm load of snacks in the cart.
"What is all this?" We talked about our spending habits on the way here. Food alone for the six of us cost a small fortune a month. "Kyle, you can't keep giving them whatever they want."
"I'm taking the kids camping and fishing down by our pond. They're little once, girl."
"Please, Tara."
"Please, Mommy."
"Please, Tara."
"Peaz, Mommy."
Thomas was the last one to get in on the chain of pleads. He had his Snoopy pole clutched in his hands. Their little faces crowed around the shopping cart. As they waited for my answer.
"Please, girl." Kyle stuck out his bottom lip after he said it.
"Okay. But just this time. We have to get on a budget and stick to it." Sure, Kyle agreed with what I said now. But, when the kids wanted something or to do something. He would forget all about this conversation.
A big smiled crossed my face as I watched them all excited about the trip to the pond they were taking. They were only little once. However, I didn't smile much at the check out lane. When she said the total came to eight hundred dollars. Although, Kyle paid for most of it.
The tattoo shop he bought was only a couple of blocks from my building. He had already got some business from it. I never knew just how much money people spent on them until now. He made hundreds of dollars for a couple hours of work. Which, he probably spent most of what he made this week today.
After we went home and put everything away. I got the kids dressed in old clothes. It was a work day for me. I wanted to get most of the inside painted today in the office. My grand opening was only a couple of weeks away. It would be my break it or make it time.
The kids, they had other ideas. Cody and Abel put more paint on each other than the walls. Kenny played his game in the corner. Little Thomas curled up on the floor and fell asleep.
"Come on boys. You can go with me." Kyle took them with him when it was time to do a tattoo.
It just left me and Ellie. Actually, it went quicker. I cranked up the radio while we worked. When a certain song came on, it took me to the past. One of the good days from it. Before long, we were both singing along with it.
"If you like pina coladas and get caught in the rain..."
We painted to the rhythm of what came on radio. We giggled sometimes too. But, she and I got a lot done by the time the boys got back.
"Looks good, girl. Are you excited about the grand opening?"
"Yes...no." I had mixed emotions about it. Yet, I knew this was the right decision. Thomas would stay in my office with a nanny, at least until he got older or the office got extremely busy. I would always be around to make sure he was taken care of. Once my practice got off the ground, I had the opportunity to make more money than ever before. It would take a lot of hard work and long hours before any of that happened.
"Are we there yet?" Abel must of asked twenty times on the way home. He wanted to get down to the pond.
Once Kyle parked my car. The boys took off running. They were on a mission. "Have fun and be careful." Of course, I mostly talked to myself because they didn't hear a damn word I said to them.
Thomas came inside with me and Ellie. He played with the juice boxes while we put the food away. The cabinets were stocked to the hilt. By the end of the week my cupboards would be empty again.
We didn't have a huge mortgage to pay, the house was paid for. Which, I was grateful. If we had a another large monthly payment to make, it would make life a lot harder. Thomas was largely responsible for us not being financially strapped. As generous as he was with me, I never understood why.
After we were done. Ellie fed my baby. While I went to care for his uncle's baby.
He trotted around the coral when I called for him. Kyle made sure he had a home too. There was acreage he could run on and a barn to relax in at night and to get out of the weather when he wanted.
"You miss Thomas don't you." I bought him a bag of carrots at the store. It was Apollo's favorite treat. He nudged me with his large head while he downed a couple more carrots. He wanted petted. He wanted to feel the love of his master again. He wanted to know someone cared. "I miss him too."
"Horsie." Thomas held up by Ellie to the top of the wooden slat of the fence. Ran his little hand over Apollo.
A whinny came from Apollo as Ellie lowered Thomas down to the ground. The horse's eyes peeped through the break in the fence to watch my son's every movement.
Ellie went back in the house. But I noticed something I never had before. The horse moved when Thomas had. He never strayed far from my baby. "Apollo." I struck a carrot through the fence to attract him back to me. With no prevail, he didn't come.
When I picked up my son, the horse followed in every direction we went. So, I done it in the opposite. I set Thomas down under the tree. Apollo was fixated on him. I broke my own rule. I went inside where the large horse was.
As I grabbed a hold of his bridle, his head shot in the direction to where Thomas still set. A unsubscribed feeling came over me. I let go immediately and closed the gate.
"We're setting up camp." The boys breezed by me on their way inside.
"What's wrong, girl?"
"Nothing." Before I went through the door, I glanced over my shoulder to Apollo. "Everything is right."
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You can't change what is going on around you. Until you change what is going on within you.
Unknown Author
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It is not the stars to hold our destiny but within ourselves.
William Shakespeare
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Therefore, we do not loose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly, we are being renewed day by day.
Corinthians 4:16
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"This mad dog. Ellie's uncle. He just got out of prison." The boy gulped when Kyle slapped Boomer on his muscular bare chest.
"Are you eying me boy?" Boomer towered over this young man. His muscles rippled when he gritted his teeth.
"No, sir." This poor child was petrified of them. If I didn't stop this shit soon, he would leave and break Ellie's heart.
"Hi. I'm Tara, won't you come in." I escorted him personally past the assholes to the living room. "Have a seat. Ellie is almost ready."
Boomer set on one side of the boy and Kyle on the other. The poor boy scooted his butt to the edge of the seat cushion. He was ready to run.
But, they didn't let up on him either. Boomer laid his pistol on the coffee table. With bugged out eyes the boy glanced in his direction. Kyle didn't let him of that easily even. He pulled back the slide and let go when the bullet loaded in the chamber of his gun.
"I never miss." The coy smile Kyle gave the boy was almost a smirk.
"Can I see you in the kitchen for a moment?" When he wouldn't budge from the couch. Or stop torturing the boy. "Now, Kyle."
Once I could tear him away. So the boy couldn't hear our conversation. "What the hell are you doing? They are just going to get something to eat and come right back. I trust Ellie."
"Do you remember how it all started with us, girl? We just went for a cup of coffee."
"Damn. Good point. Okay, only scare him a little. Not enough to chase him off."
Kyle didn't get the chance to do anything else when we returned to our guest. Our daughter made a grand entrance in her blue and white tank dress. All eyes were on her and she handled it well. She made me a proud mama. Of course, she did ignore Kyle and Boomer all the way out the door.
They only made it halfway down the sidewalk when Kyle wanted to talk to her before she left.
"Kyle." Ellie was irritated with a roll of her eyes. Whatever Kyle pressed in her hand, she shoved in her purse quickly. Although, she was all smiles and couldn't get to the car fast enough. The boy even held the door open for her to get in.
We watched our little girl, now almost a woman. Pull away on her first date. "What did you give Ellie?" He shrugged and tried to play it off. "Kyle."
"Mace." The shocked look on my face must have said it all. "It was just a little." Now, I had to roll my eyes like my daughter had done.
For the next hour. He must have checked his watch fifty times and paced the floor. I tried going on with my normal evening routine. I had to admit, it was strange to set down at dinner time and Ellie's spot to be empty. This was when we all came together as a family at the end of the day. With her gone, it didn't seem right.
"She's late."
"Only by five minutes. Will you relax, Kyle."
"Nope." He swung the front door open to find Ellie on the front porch in the rocking chair.
"Did you have fun?" Since Kyle didn't say anything to her, I done it.
"I did. We are going out again Friday night."
Kyle took off towards the barn. He didn't want to hear the details of our daughter's night out. But it was the first of many to come.
"I'm going to bed." My daughter had stars in her eyes and smile that could light up the night on her face. "Thanks for the new dress."
"You're welcome, honey. Goodnight."
Now to address the one who wasn't having such a pleasant evening. Kyle kept himself busy with doing absolutely nothing in the barn. "We have to let her grow up." This too was a conversation of many to come. So I got it out now.
"She's just a little girl."
"No. Kyle, she is not a little girl. Ellie is becoming a woman."
"It's not how I see her. I just want to protect her and I want them to have more than you and I did. You know what falling in love with the wrong person does to you."
"I also know what falling in love with the right person does to you as well."
Kyle's hand came up to my face. His thumb ran gentle over my cheek bone. "Yeah. I know too, girl." He cleared his throat and broke away from me. "We have to address that issue sooner or later."
"Yes we do. But, not tonight." Arm and arm we walked slowly back to the house. I looked up at the stars on occasion and it made me smile like my daughter had.
We checked in on the kids before we called it a night. "Goodnight, girl."
He gave me a kiss on the forehead before he went to his room and I went to mine. I grabbed a blanket ad curled up in the chair by my bed. Darkness had become my friend over time. I could sit for hours in it; not afraid, not bitter, not with the feeling of being alone. Just pondering life. The way it had been, the way it was and the way I wanted it to become.
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Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only the light can. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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There isn't enough darkness to snuff out the light of one little candle.
William Shakespeare
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The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
John 1:5
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"This is bullshit. I take care of them and love them as they are my children."
"Mrs. Teller, it doesn't matter. You are not living within the guidelines to adopt the children. You are married to one man and live with another. Your husband is a convicted felon. Unfit for the children to be around in law's eyes."
"But we do not live together. So Jax shouldn't matter and why was he notified of the court hearing?"
"Because, it is state law. A married couple must agree to any adoption. You could always reconcile with your husband and always go back to him. Then, what will happen to the children? The court will do what is in the best interest of Ellie and Kenny."
"What is in their best interest, is to be with someone who loves and cares about them."
"Mrs Teller, I will warn you. They will probe your current living arrangement. They could possibly deem it unfit for your children as well."
"So, you're saying, I could loose my sons because of it?"
"As your attorney, it is my job, to give you all the possibilities."
Loss was like a wind, it either carried you to a new destination or it trapped you in an ocean of stagnation to drown. There was no worse fear for a parent then your child being ripped away from you. It didn't matter how or why. The pain I felt was incomparable. The days until our court hearing was filled with sorrow and sadness. When we got ready to leave I hugged each of my children to me and told them how much I loved them. I just hoped it was enough to get us through this bump in the road of life.
"You don't think Jax will show up today, do you?"
"I doubt it. He hasn't fought you on the boys. I seriously doubt he will fight you over Kenny and Ellie." Out of the corner of his eye, Kyle continued to watch me. "Are you nervous you'll see Jax?"
"Yes. Aren't you?"
"Nope."
Then those fears turned to reality. "Son of a bitch." The people in front of us turned around to look at me. I said it rather on the loud side. When I seen him, I couldn't help myself. "He's here."
It was the first time I had seen him. We had no other communication since I left Charming. To be perfectly honest, I liked that way too. Since, this was the path I'd chosen I had no choice except walk down it. To finish what I'd started.
Jax set on the wooden bench outside the judge's chambers. He looked straight forward at the wall so intensely. I only caught a brief side view of him before I headed back down the hall out of sight. His appearance wasn't the same though. This short period of time had changed him. He had lost weight and looked on the withered tired side. He appeared older than I remembered him.
The back of my head rested on the wall in the long hallway. There was no way in hell I was going around him. All the thoughts were bouncing in and out of my direct view. I didn't let out a clean breath until I heard them call his name.
But then again, what Jax would say to the judge left me shivering with fear. I had already been painted as a terrible mother, a whore who sinned in front of her children. The lawyer warned me I put Abel and Thomas in the cross hairs by proceeding forward with this. Yet, I still had to. Who would fight for Kenny and Ellie if I bailed on them? The court could split them up in different foster homes. Then they wouldn't even have each other anymore.
With Donna's cross clutched in my hand. "I promise I won't let them go. I'm really trying to keep us all together." When I opened my eyes. I was startled to see him before me.
"I wanna see the boys, Tara. If you don't let me, you won't like how I handle it." When he spoke he brought me out of the fog of thoughts that ran through my mind. The tone in Jax's voice turned colder when he spoke to Kyle instead of me. "If I catch you in Charming again, that agreement, is off the table."
It wasn't enough I had to deal with this. Now, I had Jax back in the boy's lives. Thomas and Abel had done so well, progressed so much. For this to take them a step backwards. If I didn't let Jax see the boys, it would be hell on. It could make it worse on my sons. If I allowed it, it could still make it worse on my sons.
"What agreement?" A few minutes had passed by before I caught what Jax actually had said to Kyle.
"I don't know what Jax is talking about." Kyle brought his arms tightly around my waist. "Everything will okay."
"Are you sure?"
"If I have to, I will move out so you can keep Ellie and Kenny. They belong with you. You can stay at the house with them."
"Where will you go?"
"I'll rent a place or something. I'm not leaving, girl. I'll still be there for you and the kids. Okay?"
Out of all the sins I committed. Love was what I was punished for. No matter how I tried to justify Kyle and I in my own head, I couldn't to a judge of the court of laws and rules. I couldn't loose Kenny and Ellie either, no matter the cost. No mother could choose a man over her children, no matter how much she loved him. You couldn't let your children pay for your sins, no matter how much it would destroy you to let go.
"Tara?"
"Okay. You will move out if you have to."
We knew what we had to do to keep the family together and safe.
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Where there is love there is no sin.
Unknown Author
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Love, love madly, love more than you can and if they say that it's sin. Love your sin and you'll be innocent.
William Shakespeare
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Above all love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Peter 4:8
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I hope you have enjoyed reading me!
Please forward to the next chapter posted...