Thanks as usual to my loyal reviewers, i'm sorry if i've missed replying to anyone. i always look forward to hearing from you all. reading your reviews is one of the highlights of my day. i hope you all enjoy this chapter. i think i packed alot into it. i'm figuring i have about three chapters left to go. i find myself both dreading and looking forward to ending this story. it's become a very bittersweet thing.

Maddie burst in the door, waking Mana and Allen with a start. "What the hell?!" Mana snapped. Oh shit… Maddie looked like hell; her hair was disheveled, clothing torn. In the dark of the room, Mana could still see her lip was split, her nose was bleeding. "Maddie…" he hauled himself out of bed. "What happened?"

She gave a mad desperate laugh. "Ran into an old friend…" She leaned against the door to stay upright. "I gotta get outta town… fast." Mana had never seen her panicked like this; usually the tattooed woman was the picture of cool collectiveness. She was genuinely scared.

Allen was already up and across the room. He threw the window open, letting the cold winter air gust into the room. In an instant he had jumped onto the fire escape; he would be at Nick and Isabella's room in seconds. This wasn't the first time they had to make a quick retreat.

Mana made his way to the door, half dragging his bad leg. "Maddie… Maddie, look at me." He put his hand on her head and forced her to look at him. "What happened?"

Her eyes were wild with barely concealed terror. "Mana." She said as if just now seeing him. "I don't… but not happy to see me, noo not happy at all…" He started a quick examination of her face. Her nose was broken. "Gotta get outta here…"

"I know, I know. We're going to leave right away… just pull yourself together." He pulled her into a protective embrace. "Don't fall apart on me…" His mind was racing. He didn't know what had happened; Maddie was definitely not herself, but he didn't have time for it. They needed to get out first; she said she needed to leave and so they would leave. They could deal with the details later. He slid an arm under her shoulders and helped her towards the bed before checking out the window.

Allen's head nearly collided with his as the boy jumped back inside. "I woke everyone up… Ernie's getting the wagon, gonna pull it right up to the building. Nick's coming here to help." He looked at Maddie and moved to sit by her. "Maddie?" He gently set a hand on her shoulder. "You ok?"

"Yeah baby…" her voice was a dull monotone. "I'm fine."

"No…" Allen rose to his knees and pulled her to him. "You're not fine… you got hurt." She looked at him. "You can't hide from me. I can see it… your eyes are like mine…" Mana overheard him and let out a string of obscenities.

"Who?" Mana hissed. "Maddie, who hurt you?" he grit his teeth. I'm going to kill him… His body flooded with a terrible cold, and part of him wanted nothing more to accept the ice in his veins and hunt down and kill whoever hurt his Maddie. He forced it back with a shudder; that coldness wasn't him. He swore to God that he wouldn't let that horrible ice take him again.

She didn't have time to answer. Nick came in through the door, Isabella wasn't far behind. They carried all their traveling bags with them. Isabella hurried to Maddie and hugged her, whispering comforting words, meanwhile her husband quickly started to gather her things together. Mana followed his lead and began throwing his and Allen's possessions into his suitcase.

Allen disappeared to the bathroom. He brought a cool washcloth to the women on the bed. Isabella took it and gently blotted Maddie's face, clearing the blood from her nose. Allen returned to the bathroom and carried out every towel he could find. Even, in an emergency, he still thought to steal the inn's towels. Dumping them into a traveling bag, he took up watch by the window.

"Ernie's here…Mana, want me to start carrying our stuff down?"

"Yeah, go ahead…" Mana really wished they could leave through the door like normal people, but they were in a hurry and couldn't risk being seen. This kind of exit had become fairly routine; they often had to make hasty retreats whether it was from a con being discovered or to avoid paying for a room.

Allen climbed out the window and onto the fire escape. Mana handed him the first of their bags and with an amazing display of agility the boy descended the thin metal ladder. Ernie caught the bag with ease and Allen climbed back up to collect the next one.

Once all their belongings, and several of the inn's as well, were out of the room, they worked out a way to help Maddie down the fire escape. Nick crawled out first while Isabella helped the other woman ease through the window. If she slipped on the icy rungs Nick would be there to break her fall. Isabella gracefully swung out after her, helping her find each step and whispering soft words of encouragement. Mana was last out, carefully holding his weight on his good leg and arms. Ernie was waiting at the bottom ready to help everyone down from the gap between the ladder and the ground. Soon, everyone was situated in the wagon. Nick and Ernie sat in the front, leaving Mana with the women and the child. Somehow that struck Mana as funny.

Mana made himself comfortable and turned his attentions to Maddie. Isabella was helping her change clothes, there was no need for modesty but Mana still covered Allen's eyes; he could see bruises tinting the colors of her tattoos. With a grunt of pain, she set her nose back into place. Mana was deeply impressed by it. Maddie sighed and let him pull a soft blanket around her shoulders. Despite the protection of the enclosed space, it was still bitterly cold.

"Thanks honey…" Mana pulled her close into a loose embrace. From the corner of his eye he saw Isabella lean against her other side. Allen snuggled close and rested his head on her lap. They surrounded her, physically supporting her; without words, they showed her she was safe, protected. He felt Maddie relax against him. She played with Allen's hair making the boy coo happily. It made her smile. "Thanks… everyone, thank you."

Mana kissed her cheek and she cried. "Never thought I'd see him again!" she blurted out. Like a dam breaking, she started talking quickly. "I was young, didn't know how things worked… so, he took me in… showed me how to do my job, found clients for me, arranged everything and took my money…" She laughed bitterly. "Little Maddie's first pimp… and I thought I loved the bastard." She broke into harsh sobs and it dawned on Mana that her pain was not just physical; someone had broken her heart.

"You don't have to continue…" he said softly.

"Yeah, you do." Allen said, staring up at her from her lap. "Get it all out at once… I promise you'll feel better if you keep talking." He flashed an encouraging but gentle smile.

"Yeah?" she pet Allen's hair and he nodded. "I finally got smart… saw what was going on, figured everything out. He didn't give a rat's ass about me… I was income, worse I was property. I am not someone's property! I belong to no one but myself. So, I went freelance… and he was pissed and came for me. I'd never been in a real, serious fight before… didn't know what I was doing. I cut him, it was a lucky strike, but I cut his pretty face. I ran. Never thought I'd see him again…"

"He hurt you?" Allen asked. "Tonight… he hurt you?"

"Yeah baby… just roughed me up a bit; a warning, wanted me to come 'home.' I got him good before he could…" She paused; she wouldn't say it in front of Allen, but Mana understood. "I'm not sure how bad… think I might have hit something vital. I ran. I left him bleedin in a gutter…"

"We'll keep you safe." Allen said firmly. "Mana and me… and Nick, and Isabella, and Ernie… we'll protect you."

She smiled. "Of course…thanks baby."

Ernie drove the horses to near exhaustion before they stopped. For warmth, they all slept in the wagon. Mana kept Maddie tucked against him. She nudged him awake after everyone else was asleep. "Hey honey… thanks for getting me out of town. Sorry."

"What?" he mumbled. "You don't have any reason to apologize…"

"Yeah I do. I got a little hysterical. It wasn't as bad as I made it sound. I was just really shook up from it and I panicked. I made you all worry, I didn't mean for that to happen and we had to leave so quickly. All because of me…"

"Maddie," Mana chuckled softly. "How many times have we had to skip town this month? Or this year? Trust me; we can handle a quick exit no matter what the reason…" He ran his fingers through her hair, undoing some of the knots in it. "But really… are you ok?"

She smiled. "Honey… I've had worse… much, much worse. Just, I let fear get to me this time. Before, I never really cared about what happened… but, this time… I don't know. I was scared I was going to… I had something to lose." Under the blanket they shared she slid her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. "I thought… if I die here, I won't see Mana again…isn't that funny, that was all I could think of."

Mana was sure his heart would burst with joy.

"Don't let it go to your head, but you're winning me over honey" it was as close to an admission of love as he would ever get from the woman. With an arch of her slender neck she kissed him. Mana happily returned it and let her take control. She placed feather light kisses down the length of his jaw before returning to his mouth; all the while sliding an expert hand under his shirt.

A foot nudged Mana in the side. He reluctantly broke the kiss that had slowly been growing in intensity and looked for whose foot had interrupted him. Ernie had one eye cracked open and a big grin on his face. "Cool it, ya…" he folded his hands behind his head and smirked. "There are childrens present." He was trying hard not to laugh as Allen snorted in his sleep and started softly snoring. Mana had to settle with letting Maddie sleep with her head on his shoulder.

Everything seemed better in the crisp light of the morning. Ernie and Allen had raided the inn's kitchen long before their hasty run. They cooked bacon for breakfast. Maddie sat by Mana the whole time, so close their thighs touching. He watched Allen doing cartwheels in the snow. The boy would be eleven soon; Christmas was coming. He wondered what to get him. He already had a vague idea of what he wanted to get for Maddie.

"Hey," said Ernie around a mouthful of bacon. "Let's go back to my home for Christmas, ya…" he took another bite. The man had a huge appetite; big enough to rival Allen's. They had eating contests. Allen always won. "ya, Lucy will be lonely. We should go keep her company."

"What's the deal with that girl anyways?" Nick asked. Mana had been wondering that himself when he had first met the foul mouthed girl.

Ernie sighed. "Mine sister… she hates circus. She was so good ya… mother and father, God rest their souls, was proud of her. Khite family have been performers for generations. All our money come from our circus." There was a note of pride in his voice. "Lucy, she was star… tightrope walk; she was amazing. She fell, broke shoulder, arm, wrist."

Isabella made a sympathetic noise. "I'm so sorry… it ruined her balance, didn't it?"

"Yeah, look at her when we get home… she can't lift arm more than this ya." He raised his arm slightly in demonstration. "All she can do is this…" he lifted his finger in an obscene gesture and laughed hard. "Now she hate circus. She hate everything. When parents die our circus broke up. I joined new one… met my friends. Is good life ya…even this," he laughed jovially. "is good life."

They started towards Linden in the afternoon, carefully avoiding the first couple of towns they passed. It was an uneventful trip; it took a week, with only three days spent sleeping indoors. Everyone was sniffling from the cold by the time they reached Ernie's home.

Lucy was not pleased to see her brother and his 'filthy circus friends'. She screeched at him in their native tongue and slammed the door on Ernie's face. He turned to the others with a smile and shrugged. With a nervous laugh he produced a key and tried the lock. He tried it again… and again.

"She change the lock!" Ernie laughed. Mana was surprised that he found it amusing. The large man never seemed to get angry. "Allen!" he called the boy, "you can pick locks, ya?"

Allen jumped at the chance to practice his skills and darted out of Mana's reach before he could stop the boy. He worked a set of little metal tools in the lock, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth in concentration. It took him a full minute; he returned to Mana's side pouting with a deep frown. "It took me too long. I should be able to do it faster by now…" Mana ruffled his hair affectionately only to notice a tremor run through the little body. "I need to get inside…" Allen hissed quickly. "Mana, I need to get…" he pitched forward with a stressed groan, barely catching himself.

Nick caught the boy before he could fall further. "Thanks…" Mana said gratefully to his best friend. They hurried the child inside. Where the hell is this coming from?!

"Allen, is it bad?" Nick asked as he carried him into the living room.

"No…" he hissed. "Set me down…" his voice was tight with pain. "Don't look at me…" he was crying and embarrassed to be seen in such a state. Nick set him gently on the floor where he quickly dropped to his hands and knees. The little body convulsed once and he groaned. In a desperate voice he cried, "Please! Leave me! Don't look at me." Allen gasped, rolling onto his back and arching violently. "Maahnaah!" He clutched his arm to his chest. "Please, make them leave!"

Mana didn't need to be told twice. "Everyone out!" He shouted. "Go! Now!" his voice was harsher than it should have been. There had been nothing for months and now this; he was terrified. Check the paper tomorrow. There has to be something happening somewhere that's causing this… he's been doing so well… He pushed them from the living room to the kitchen, slapping at their ankles with his cane. "Sorry… please just wait in there ok."

"Honey, we understand… go to your boy." Maddie flashed him an understanding smile.

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "I love you Madeline." From behind him Allen shrieked, unable to hold his agonized cries back any longer. Suddenly embarrassed and ashamed for even thinking of himself whiles his child was suffering, Mana turned and limped back to the living room. His aching knee screamed at him as he lowered his tired body onto the sofa to wait out the boy's episode.

Minutes later Allen lay exhausted and crying on the floor. His hand was twitching spastically. The exposed portion of the wine red appendage seemed darker, irritated. "Mahnaah…" he cried in a hoarse whisper. "You still here?" He was staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah. I'm here."

"Ahh… good… everybody saw me, didn't they?"

"No. They left the room." He glanced over to the door where his friends stood watching. Isabella was crying silently on Nick's shoulder. Maddie clung to the door frame, looking pale under her ink and fading bruises. Even Lucy was silent; watching with wide eyes with her brother's steadying hands resting on her shoulders. Mana held up a hand; no one was going to come in without his permission.

"Good… Mana, it still hurts." The little figure shuddered, but made no effort to move. "It hurts all the time now…" he sighed with resignation.

"When did that start?" Mana pulled a handkerchief from his coat pocket and held it out. Allen's hand shook too badly for him to take it. "Use your other hand…"

"I can't…" he whined. "Manah, I'm so tired…"

"Take it Allen. You can do this…" Mana said calmly; being upset would only make things worse. The boy caught the fabric with his right hand; and used it to cover his face. He was hiding; he was so unbelievably embarrassed. "No one saw it. It's just us in here." Mana assured him as he leaned back in his seat. If Allen didn't want to be seen, then he wouldn't look. "When did this start?" he asked again gently.

"Months ago… not sure." Came the soft reply.

"Months? Damn Allen… always that bad? Or is it just there, like in the background?" How could I have not noticed?! How could he be hurting this bad and I not see it… haven't actually seen him have a fit in awhile. I haven't been paying enough attention; I should have seen it… He stretched out his knee, trying to keep it from locking up further. "Like my stupid knee… it kinda hurts all the time, but sometimes it's really bad. Is it something like that?"

"Yes," Allen mumbled. "In the background… it burns. I hate it. I'm used to it just, just sometimes I can't pretend its not there…" There was a tug on Mana's pant leg; he was moving again.

"So you've been going around, all this time, hurting and not telling me?" Mana held out his hand and helped the boy up and onto the sofa; he kept his eyes on the ceiling. It was a dull egg shell color, utterly uninteresting. "You hid it well. I'm pretty impressed; I whine like a baby…God, Allen, you still got up to perform everyday. You're pretty tough for a kid, you know that?" He could feel some of the tension leave the air; Allen curled into his side. Mana draped an arm around him. "Can I look at you now?"

"You didn't look... Thank you, you can." The boy looked tired; there was a light gloss of sweat on his brow. Mana noted with concern that his nose was bleeding. He took back the square of fabric he had lent the boy and used it to dab at the steady trickle of blood. "It kinda spills over…" he sighed. "If I push it back too long."

"Is this what happens… if you try to push it back?" Mana assumed he was talking about the pain. If he was hurting continuously and kept forcing himself to ignore it, then did he have an episode when he let his guard down, could it be something other than the usual type of fits that had plagued him for God knows how long? Mana was sure the usual fits were caused by whatever violence was happening nearby, when did it change to something internal?

"I guess…" he mumbled before tensing slightly. "Hey Mana… I think there's something wrong with me. I mean, really wrong…" Mana nodded encouragingly, ready to listen to the boy's concerns and hoping to glean some clue as to what was happening. "I… it's like there's something…" he held out his hand, fingers still twitching slightly. "Something in me… and it wants out and I'm holding it back. That sounds dumb huh? But, it's like I'm gonna break… I can almost hear it. It'll keep pushing and hurting until I break and something will happen. I dunno what, but something and I'm scared." He pulled from Mana's grasp to look at him properly, as if he needed to see the man's reaction to what he was saying. His voice was high and tight; he must have been worried about this for some time now. "I'm not crazy… right? I know it sounds stupid, but I can't think of how else to say it. You don't think I'm nuts right?"

That though had entered Mana's mind. He wondered if so much pain, physical and emotional, had finally built up to a point where his mind would create its own explanation for it all. Looking in the boy's eyes, he didn't doubt that the child believed what he said. Mana figured that was enough for him. "I don't think you're nuts… I think you've just been hurting for way too long. I kinda wish you had said something earlier… maybe I could have done something to help…"

Relief washed over the boy's face and he slumped down against Mana's chest. He pet Allen's hair and rubbed soothing circles on his little back. Exhaustion was quickly overtaking them both and Allen was soon snoring. This was too much; far too much to handle in such a short time. Just as Maddie was feeling better from her violent encounter, Allen reasserted his need for him. Mana sighed; he needed to remember why he was here, who needed him more. Allen had to come first. I can't let anything go any further… no matter how I feel about her I have to end it. It's not about what I want; I have to look out for Allen first…I don't have a choice. He just hoped Maddie wouldn't be too angry with him.

As if reading his mind, Maddie came to behind the sofa and put her arms around him. "I knew he had those seizures… but, that was nothing like the ones I've seen before. That was… intense. Little guy ok?" she spoke softly to avoid waking the boy.

"Yeah, just tired. He's had worse; this one was just odd… Hell, he had me scared." Mana felt far too warm; in the rush to get inside they hadn't bothered to remove their coats. In the comforting heat of the house, he was beginning to sweat. He took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to break things off with Maddie; he hated himself for having to do it. He reminded himself why he had to do it and forced his mouth to work; he needed to tell her quickly before his nerve quit. "Maddie," he started, "we gotta talk… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I really care for you, but Allen has to come first. I can't… I hope you can understand and forgive…"

Maddie cut him off. "Damn right the boy has to come first!" she put her hands on her hips and looked at him with indignation. "Idiot! You're his papa! You have to take care of him before yourself. Put his needs before your own; that is what a father does." Her face softened, her expression melting into something he didn't expect. "You're a good man Mana Walker… I understand what you need to do. I really like Allen; he's an amazing kid. I'll be right there to help. You take care of him…" Her voice turned soft, serious. "I'll take care of you."

She bent and kissed him hard and bruising, promising he'd be very well taken care of the minute she could get him alone and Mana was sure he'd die right there. She understands! He screamed mentally with joy. She understands… she likes Allen too. God did I do something right? She wants to help me with him… she's nothing like Marie; she's alright with sharing me… she's alright with all of this mess. He would need to talk to Allen first, see how his son would react to what he was thinking.

Christmas eve, Mana pulled Maddie away from the troupe's little holiday party. He had spent the last hour working up his nerve… and trying to find who slipped Allen a few too many sips of brandy. The boy was currently sprawled across Isabella, giggling madly and trying his best to infuriate Nick. The man's smile was strained and a vein bulged on his normally smooth forehead as he watched the boy lounge against his wife's chest. Everyone was in such a good mood, even Lucy was laughing. She was lovely when she smiled; Mana suspected she had also been privy to the same brandy as Allen.

Maddie was leaning against the wall with a smirk on her face; she was wearing a dress, a rare thing for her. With so much of her body covered, Mana was amazed how it made her all the more alluring. She looked at him expectantly and raised an eyebrow. Mana's mouth was suddenly dry; this was it. "Maddie…" he gripped her gift, reassured by the shape and how the metal warmed to his hand. "I know that we can't really…things being what they are and all…it won't ever be official, but I hope you'll take this…" He pulled a plain gold band from his pocket and held it out to her. She gasped. "If you'll have me…"

She smiled then faultered. "I… oh God, Mana. I… I need to sit down." He helped her into a nearby chair. She stared at her hands clasped in her lap. Mana wondered if she was going to cry; her face was stricken. "Even though you know what I am, what I do… you still want this. You're a good man; I'm…" her voice dropped to a shameful whisper. "I'm a whore… you know girls like me can't… good men don't marry whores."

"Then wear it on your other hand." He said with a surprising strength. "I know it wouldn't be official recognized or anything… this is just between us; only for us." He took her hand and pressed the ring into her palm; he folded her colorful fingers around it. "I don't care who or what you think you are… I know who you truly are." It was agonizing, but Mana went down on one knee. "You're a good woman… I'd be honored if you'd wear my ring." This was it; he'd put everything on the line. If she said no now…

"Honey… Yes."