"Where did she go?"
Gone.
Gone.
Gone.
She's gone and I can't even begin to contemplate my thoughts and feeling at this moment.
Gone.
Snow.
Cold.
Gone.
I'm numb. Numb numb numb as I try to recall the feeling of her warmth leaving my embrace as she was taken from me. But she was so cold. The only remnants of her that I have left are the blood stains on my coat.
Gone.
"Mike?" I hear someone call.
"Where's El?"
I force myself to look up at my friends, their eyes full of worry and fear and concern and so many emotions that I can't place.
I stand up and look around me, into the darkness of the forest, up into the glittering night sky, at the snow that falls around me but she's nowhere to be seen.
Gone gone gone!
She was taken from me by that monster! It's all my fault, I promised to keep her safe, I swore on my life that I wouldn't let anything happen to her and I screwed up!
"El!" I scream at the top of my lungs, so loud that my friends have to cover their ears to stop themselves from going deaf.
"Eleven!" my screams are so shrill I can start to feel my throat burning.
My hands find their way to my hair, my fingers gripping to the strands and I pull, I'm pulling out my hair and letting out a blood curdling scream and I'm drowning and she's gone and I'm spinning around in circles as my friends watch in fear as I lose my mind.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
I collapse onto the icy asphalt of the road and I'm screaming into the ground and digging my nails into the hard surface, tears streaking my cheeks and I'm drowning again and I can't breathe. She's gone and I can't breathe and this is all my fault.
All my fault.
I'm on my back, staring at the cloudy night sky as snowflakes get caught in my icy tears and my hands are once again in my hair and I'm pulling out the dark strands as I scream her name.
I'll never get to hold her again. I'll never get to kiss her, hold her hand, keep her close when she's scared or take care of her when she's sick or feel her skin against mine or her warmth against my body. I'll never know her scent again as she holds me close when we lie in my bed in the middle of the night when we can't sleep because of our nightmares of losing each other. I'll never get to touch her again, I'll never get to see her smile or look at her the same way she looks at me and I don't even have a photo of her to look at as I cry myself to sleep because she's gone and it's
all
my
fault.
My friends are standing over me, all of them keeping a safe distance except for Will, who stands directly over me with a disgusted look plastered on his pale face.
He scoffs and kicks me in the side, and I don't even retaliate because I deserve all the pain I can get. He's screaming at me, telling me how much of a screw up I am, and how I'm no good for her, but I'm not paying attention because the sky looks so dark and grey and that's exactly how I feel right now.
But then, he says something that catches my attention
"I would have been so much better for her, I could have protected her! I love her more than you ever could!"
I stand up, my legs wobbly and my mind hazy, but I face him and throw the best punch I've got.
I get him right in the jaw, but he doesn't seem all too fazed as he takes the tiniest step back from the blow. He punches me back, and I stumble backwards and fall to the floor, a searing pain piercing it's way through my nose as I watch blood drip onto my cold fingers.
"Is that why I found her in a puddle of her own tears on my doorstep right after you tried to rape her!?" I fire back, and I wouldn't be surprised if the whole town heard me.
"So she told you," Will steps forward, his eyes menacing as his hands balled into fists, "that bitch! I'm going to kill you Mike Wheeler!"
Rage.
I have never felt more rage in my entire life.
I throw myself onto him, punching him over and over but it doesn't seem to have any affect on him. Will pushes me off of him and into a tree with his powers, and I hit my head on the rough bark.
I can faintly hear Dustin and Lucas screaming at Will to stop, but all I can focus on is the awful throbbing in my head and the numbness of my body. My nose won't stop bleeding, and I realise that this is Will's doing. He's trying to bleed me dry.
Then, through the cloudiness of my mind, I hear a rather loud slapping noise, and suddenly the bleeding stops.
"Pull yourself together, Will! This isn't you!"
Lucas and Dustin are screaming at him, and when my vision starts to clear I can see them just ahead of me, arguing and trying to knock some sense into Will.
I sink down onto the soggy grass, feeling the snow seep into my pants. I look down at the ground for a moment, and I notice a few drops of blood dyeing that pure white snow.
And I realise... blood... night time
and just like that
everything
fades
away