Dean took over the last leg of the drive, it was real now and so close. He watched Sam go in to pay for the gas and when he came out he had snacks. Sam gave his brother a jumbo chocolate bar.

"What did you get Sammy?" Sam smiled and pulled out a package of Sour sugared gummy worms. He ripped the package open and pulled a long colorful rope of worm out, dangled part of it between his lips and wiggled his eye brows at Dean, "Want some?"

Dean chuckled and leaned in with a smile and bit right to Sam's lips then worked his soft lips over his brothers, when the kiss broke he grabbed Sam's face with his hands and was nose to nose with his brother, Sam felt his body hitch and shudder, then felt warm tears hit his face. "I'm sorry, I can't help it Sammy…God help me I feel like I'm losing half of myself." Dean pulled away and wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve and started the car.

They drove awhile, Sam hiding his feelings by facing the window but Dean knew, he clearly saw the reflection of his brother's face when he glanced over to him, a grimace of pain and a trail of tears streaming down his cheeks but he didn't make a sound.

Dean thought how young Sam looked just then, soft hair curling around his face, the hazel eyes and his mouth soft and open. How many times did he look into those same hazel eyes and tell him, "don't worry Sammy, its ok Sammy, I love you Sammy."

Dean turned on the radio, "Want me to sing to you Sammy?" Sam's voice was soft, "Yes Dean I would really like that." "Landslide" came on the radio and Dean was going to change it but Sam grabbed his hand, "No sing this to me, I think it was meant to come on, you are supposed to sing it to me."

Dean waited until the lump in his throat went away and then he sang to his brother,

…..

"Oh Mirror in the sky what is love, Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can handle the seasons of my life?

"Well I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you, But time makes you bolder, children get older, I'm getting old too…"

…

Dean couldn't sing any more of it, Sam sang the rest quietly to himself while he slowing tore tiny pieces off a Kleenex from his pocket and dropped them on the floor of the Impala.

…

They arrived at Stanford, and the brothers were both blown away by all of it. Seeming like a small city all its own Sam suddenly perked up and his eyes were alive with possibilities and excitement. Dean felt out of his element, he walked behind Sam to the admissions office and wouldn't go in with him. He watched all the people go by while Sam had his meeting, all the people with bright and shiny futures ahead of them.

Dean looked down at his hands, rough and full of scars, callused from training, fighting and working on cars. Sitting there in his army surplus jacket and torn jeans and boots with blood stains he felt like bolting, trapped like an animal on display with one escape route and he began to panic. He didn't notice how the all the woman looked at him with flirtatious eyes and smiles or the admiring glances from some of the men and jealous looks from the others at what they imagined was the new beautiful rival for others affections.

…..

Sam came out with a stack of paperwork and a huge smile, a woman smiled at Dean and stuck out her hand, "Hello Dean, your brother is quite something. Would you like to take the tour and then help Sam get settled? Dean stood and shook her hand and before he could say anything an attractive blonde girl stepped next to Sam, "This Sam, is Jessica and she is going to be your guide around the campus today."

Sam smiled broadly at the pretty girl and she held out her well manicured hand and smiled like a predatory cat, "So good to meet you Sam, I'm sure we will be great friends." She ignored Dean altogether.

Dean had seen that predatory look before, in the mirror of bar bathroom right before he made a sexual killing of some pretty thing, he felt like he was dying inside, the urge to escape was too great, " Sam can I see you outside?"

Sam followed back to the Impala, "Sam I got to leave, I can get your stuff out here, I sure Jessica can help you shuttle everything over to your dorm." Sam grabbed his arm, "Dean come on, don't you want to see where I live, help me unpack….say goodbye?

Dean saw a small pathway between two buildings and a public bathroom, he pulled Sam in there and locked the door. "Do you have your money I gave you?" Sam patted his pocket, yes but…" Dean grabbed his face and pushed him against the wall, "Oh Christ Sammy I love you so much" He kissed Sam hard pushing against him until he felt light headed.

Sam slid down the wall into a crouching position and held his knees, it was real, he was here and it was all changing. He didn't know when he would see his brother again. He started to cry and it came out hard and sounded like he was wounded. "I love you Dee, please don't hate me….I love you…." Sam kept repeating it until Dean pulled him up and hugged him tight rocking him slowing until Sam's breath slowed. "My baby boy….my Sammy….my better half." He dried the tears off Sam's face and forced a smile, "Hey I'll see you soon, Christmas is right around the corner, time will pass fast I'm sure of it. I'm gonna be fine Sammy, don't cry over me I'm not worth it."

He opened the door and looked around, they went back to the Impala where Jessica was waiting to get Sam's luggage. Dean didn't say a word, he ruffed up Sam's hair and forced another smile, got in the Impala and drove away.

…

Dean couldn't drive anymore, he found a cheap motel and got a room for the night so he could decide what he wanted to do next. He hit a diner and ate until he was stuffed then picked up supplies at a liquor store and went back to the dingy little room and he drank until he couldn't think any longer, until crying was too hard and then drank until he forgot how cry and passed out.

…..

Castiel watched from his place under a tree, Sophia was sitting next to him. He invited her to talk about his guilt for allowing Seraphiel to kiss him, she gave him her wisdom. "Brother no guilt please, we are talking about Seraphiel and I would imagine at some point he convinced all the angels in heaven to kiss him or worse. Now I admit I kissed him as well, the reason he pursues you is because you are untouched, pure and most of us are not. You are a challenge for him so let him dream, hope and wish all he wants. It doesn't mean he will ever get what he desires."

Castiel and Sophia watched Dean groaning and thrashing his body from another nightmare "Look at him Sophia, intoxicated and anguished, trapped in another nightmare. What should I do? I want to show myself to him."

She shook her head no, "Not yet but very soon brother I promise and then you can revel yourself but be careful, when you reveal your true self not in a dream your voice can deafen him, your radiance will blind him. Remember he looks like an angel but he is only a human.

She kissed him on the cheek, "Go to him now while he is sleeping and sooth him."

….

Castiel carefully stretched out on the bed next to Dean and watched his face, he was invisible in case he woke up but still could touch him. Castiel touched Dean's forehead and the nightmare vanished. He knew he shouldn't but he was always curious about Dean Winchester, he couldn't comprehend how he could be so beautiful and perfect, so emotional but so strong and still be just a human and not an angel.

He stroked his hair and spoke to him, "You are a paradox, If you were in heaven right now the others wouldn't know what you were. They would be jealous that father put so much into your beauty." Castiel laughed to himself, "They might think you are Lucifer because of the artistry and allurement of your body and face."

"I love you and want you to be happy, I will whisper this and you will believe it was your own thought tomorrow. Sam loves you, do not have doubt in your heart. Someday he will be back, I hope when that time comes you still accept me into your heart."

He bent down and hesitated but then remembered the kiss from Seraphiel and wanted to try to do what he taught him. He gently pressed his mouth onto Dean's soft lips and worked them softly with his own. Dean responded in his sleep and sucked on Castiel's lips. He pulled away and ran his fingers over Dean's lips and delighted in the fullness and rich color, Castiel went in for one more kiss this time more urgent, he slid his tongue in and tasted trying to be as passionate as Seraphiel said he should.

Dean blindly felt with his hands for the body touching him and opened his eyes but there was no one there. He rolled over to lament over the empty pillow beside him but there was a bouquet of honeysuckle surrounded by sweet sage and tied with a white ribbon. There was a note attached written on parchment.

"My Love, You own my heart. Take this small favor as a token, the honeysuckle shows my devotion to your body and soul, the sweet sage to show my protection just a dream away. The white silk ribbon binds me to you."

Dean picked it up and smelled the bundle, the herbal sweetness filled the stale room. He knew the angel wasn't a dream after all but still there was nowhere to go with this new information. He pulled out a flask and took a morning drink to smooth him out.

"I know, I'll call Sammy and see how he's doing."

Dean knew he should leave it alone but he couldn't stop himself. His hands shook while dialed Sam's number. It rang until it went to voicemail, "This is Sam, you know what to do."

Deans voice cracked when he started to speak, "Sammy…..Sammy its Dean I just wanted to make sure you got settled in ok…so anyway I love you and miss you already."

…..

Sam was in his room sleeping late, when the phone rang he grabbed it and saw Dean's name come up but he didn't answer. He wanted to give himself a chance to miss him before they spoke again. Sam was too busy getting ready for classes, he felt guilty but told himself it was his new life now and Dean didn't have a part in the near future.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed that was too short and ran his fingers through his hair. His new roommate stirred and then went back to sleep. Sam thought he was unusual looking, long tangled locks of dark chocolate colored hair, strong features and the most striking thing would be his amethyst eyes. Sam could honestly say he never encountered anyone with eyes like that, Oliver was unusual indeed.

Sam's phone rang again and it was Jessica, she wanted to meet for breakfast. Sam smiled to himself, when it walked around campus with her yesterday everyone looked at them. The tall handsome new kid and the beautiful blonde, he felt pretty damn normal and he liked it.

The only thing that worried Sam was if they got to a point where she wanted to have sex, he didn't know if he could do it. He had never been with a female and though he thought she was sexy it was more in an admiring way. Sex with women always seemed like it would be messy and tangled with women, sex with his brother was passionate and honest. "Stop thinking about Dean, just stop it Sam this is your new life."

…

Dean's phone rang and it was Bobby, "Did you boys get there ok and when are you heading home Dean?"

Yeah Bobby so Sam got there fine, I'm at a motel right now and I'm going to hang out here a couple days and get my shit together…..just don't worry about me."

Bobby closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, a headache coming on caused by the Winchesters, "Dean damn it I know you, its going to be you drunk somewhere getting in fights and sleeping around then getting in more fights cause you hit on someone's fella or woman."

Dean attempted to sound optimistic for Bobby's sake, "Nah no way I'm fine I just need to figure out my next step, so I gotta go now, see you soon." Dean hung up, Bobby sat down and took a drink, he looked up at the ceiling and started to talk, "Sorry Karen, I know its early for a drink but damn it, those boys are going to be the death of me yet."

…..

Dean went for breakfast, went back to the motel and extend his stay. He showered, took a nap and when he woke up it was dark. Darkness was his element, he felt stronger, tougher and ready to take what the night would bring him.

Dean Winchester was out to claim everything he saw, he gave himself one last look in the mirror, tight jeans that hugged him in the right places, a tight black shirt and his beautiful face and body, a pistol and knife in his belt. Yes Dean thought, he was going to make the world his bitch. He took off the silver ring and put it in his pocket.

TBC