"What's wrong?" Sully asked as he came through the door. He'd seen the wagon still there when he'd come through town to drop the visiting politician back at the hotel like Michaela knew he would. He also saw no immediate patient in the vicinity and then there was the tight look of worry on Michaela's face.
"It's Sister Ruth. She's having some heart trouble. I gave her some digitalis, but there's not anything else I can do for her except to let her rest."
"You saying she could die?" he asked with an expression that now mirrored her worry.
"Sometimes patients recover with rest and sometimes they…" she couldn't finish the sentence, but Sully didn't need her to.
"That's exactly why I don't serve God," he said with a touch of anger on his face. "He obviously doesn't care what happens down here one way or the other."
"Sister Ruth wouldn't be happy to hear you say that," Michaela said gently.
"It's how I feel. Look at all the family and friends He's taken from us in just in a few short years: Charlotte, Anthony, Kid Cole, our unborn child, and now Sister Ruth. Who's next on His list? When will it end?"
"When Jesus calls us all home," Michaela answered simply.
Ignoring her answer, he asked, "Is it okay for her to be moved or does she need to stay here?"
"It'll be best to get her home. It's nothing I really need to monitor. She just needs to keep taking the digitalis and get lots of rest."
"Can I talk to her before we go?"
"Of course, but don't say anything that could upset her. Any kind of excitement good or bad could get her heart beating too fast again."
"In other words, don't talk religion or politics."
"Precisely and don't talk too long. I don't want her to overtire." He started up the stairs. "But if you have anything to say to her that you really need to say now's the time. We never know how much time any of us have left, but that's especially true with somebody with this condition."
He tapped gently on the door when he got upstairs.
"Come in," she called.
"I hear you need a ride," he said as softly and cheerfully as he could.
"Looks that way," she said. "Although I think this staying in bed nonsense is plain silly."
"If Michaela told you to stay in bed, she knows what she's talking about," he said, pulling up a chair to her bedside.
"I wonder when she'll let me go back to the reservation."
"Hard to say. You probably need to take it one day at a time. I'm sure God wants you in full health when you're doing His work."
There was an awkward pause, but Sister Ruth could see that Sully had a lot on his mind. "I admit I'm a little tired, but other than that I feel right as rain. You can say what you got to say."
"It's nothing that can't wait," he said. He didn't want to take a chance on upsetting her and to have a deep conversation right now would be like admitting that this was her final moments.
"You sure about that? She didn't tell me so, but I know there's a chance I could die."
He neither confirmed nor denied her statement, but that said enough.
"You blaming God for this?" she asked.
Sully saw no point in trying to lie to her. "Who should I blame? I just don't understand why you have such peace about you. You were in God's will. I heard you say so and you got a family to follow Jesus and this is how He's going to repay you? It ain't right."
"I can't pretend to know the mind of God, but if He's about to call me home, that's the absolute right thing to do, and I have to accept it even when I don't understand it. I'm not always so outwardly peaceful. I can get rattled sometimes. Kid Cole's death shook me up, but I have an abiding peace where it counts. The storms of life can rock me, but they can't drown me, not with Jesus in my boat. But I worry about you. You ain't got that kind of peace in your life. I think if you lost Dr. Mike it would destroy the little peace you've got."
Sully knew what she was saying was true. He couldn't bear it if he lost another wife, if he lost Michaela. She was his anchor in the storms of life.
"You ever hear the hymn 'It Is Well with My Soul'?"
He shook his head but couldn't repress a smile. The woman had more hymns running through her brain than a hymnal.
"It ain't an old one, come out just this year or last, I believe. Sad story behind it too." Not feeling up to singing, she recited the first verse for him. "When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know, It is well, it is well, with my soul."
"It's real nice," he said placatingly though it was obvious he didn't believe a word of it.
"It touches me every time I hear or sing the song. God's not some detached, cold god looking down from His throne at our problems. I don't know why people paint Him as such. He sent His Son to us, taking on our very form. The Bible says Jesus wept when Lazarus' sisters were grieving over his death. That means He weeps when we weep. He shed His own blood so that we could receive pardon from Him."
Sister Ruth always made it sound so simple. Like if you just reached out to God, He would reach back.
It was like she had access to his silent thoughts as she continued,"The Bible promises that if we seek, we shall find. If you take that first step of faith, you won't be disappointed. Life ain't never a cake walk in a fallen world. You're going to cry, you're going to feel anger at the injustice, but if you walk with God, you're also going to have the truest friend you ever had and a comforter, a father, who will show you the true meaning of this imperfect life. You do not have because you do not ask."
That also was true. He never had asked. He blamed God for all the ugly, sad things he had seen, but he had not once talked to Him about it, sought out answers in His Word. He hadn't asked anything from Him or given Him even half the chance he had given to the Cheyenne's beliefs. Maybe it was as simple as Sister Ruth said. Maybe if he reached out to God, God would reach back.
He prayed the first real prayer of his life silently. Lord, Sister Ruth seems to think all I need to do is ask Your forgiveness and trust in You to take care of things. Well, Lord, this is me asking You to show Yourself to me. Help my unbelief.
He was startled when the door opened with the end of his prayer. Katie, who had recently learned to open doors, was lugging the Bible Sister Ruth had forgotten downstairs. She returned it to the owner with the words, "God love you." Then she looked at Sully and said again, "God love you."
Most likely Katie was only repeating words she had heard Sister Ruth say, but he was struck with the reality of God in that moment. He knew in his heart that God was sending him a message through his daughter. "Yes, He does, Katie. And He loves you too." As he picked her up and held her in his arms, he again prayed silently. Thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry I've done so much running. I want to walk with You. Forgive me and save me through Your Son Jesus. Amen.
The door opened again. "I'm sorry. I was getting some quilts to put into the wagon and she came running in."
She saw the tears now running down her husband's face, and she rushed over thinking something was wrong with Sister Ruth.
"I've taken Jesus as my savior," he explained to Michaela before she could ask what was wrong.
Tears of happiness began to flow from her own eyes, and she crouched down to hug him. "You don't know how happy this makes me. How I've prayed that you would."
He smiled, and they shared a salty but joyful kiss.
Sister Ruth had tears of her own as she said, "God is so good. All of the time He's good."
Robert E peered through the open door about that time. They must have looked quite a sight.
Michaela saw him first. "Grace isn't in labor, is she?"
"Not yet. I know you picked up Katie and I saw you hadn't left yet and just wondered if you needed Grace and me to look after her, but I see I'm interrupting."
"Not at all," Michaela said, standing up straight. "Sully just turned his life over to God."
Sully stood up too, lifting Katie up with him.
Robert E had never evangelized to him, but it was clear to see from his smile that he was overjoyed, and he came in the room and shook his hand warmly. "I'm glad to hear it, Sully, glad to hear it."
"Your timing's perfect," Sully said. "Sister Ruth needs bed rest, and I could use some help getting her into the wagon and into bed at home if you've got time to do it."
He looked at Sister Ruth, who he hadn't seen earlier from his angle at the door.
"It's a lot of fuss over nothing," she said with a smile at the concern in his eyes, "but I would appreciate it."
"I sure will. Just let me go tell Grace where I'll be."
He was gone a couple minutes. Then he and Sully carried her down to the wagon, placing her on the pile of quilts Michaela had gathered in the back.
Sully could see just how pale she was in the fullness of daylight. Her eyes were closed and the normally strong, animated Sister Ruth looked very vulnerable indeed. God, there is still so much she has left to do. There was a pause as he thought about it, knowing nothing was hidden from God. And I guess the truth is Michaela and I aren't ready to lose such a good friend yet. Please, help her get better.