Chapter 38
"What the hell is all this smoke?" Francesca cried when she had come in the door after being out of town for a week. "Paul, I swear I am going to kick your ass! Can I not trust you to keep an eye on the house while I was gone without creating a disaster? And I also remember specifically telling you no weed in here!"
Brian prattled out of the kitchen, wearing a full apron and nothing else. "Hey, Paul, have a taste of this…..oh, hi Francesca."
"Oh my God! What are you two doing in my kitchen? And Brian, put some clothes on!" she cried.
"Yeah, dude, it isn't enough you're trying to make me eat your fucking clam chowder," Paul added.
"You're making clam chowder?" Francesca raised an eyebrow.
"An attempt anyway," Brian said, aiming the spoon toward her.
"Yeah, and I'd like to live a long time, thanks very much. I don't want my gravestone saying, 'HERE LIES PAUL LONDON. HE TRIED THE BRIAN KENDRICK'S COOKING.' I suggest you back away from it too, Frannie, if you value your life," Paul warned.
"And I suppose you spicing his noodles with cajun spices not long ago was perfectly fine." Francesca glared at him.
"But that was funny," Paul replied in protest. "But Bri's cooking explains most of the smoke in here."
"Fuck you, Paul; more like you smoking five bowls," Brian responded.
"Paul!" Francesca cried, punching his arm.
"What? I'm telling you, Frannie, eating Brian's cooking is like walking under a guillotine. He should take the apron off and left that shit to me. Hell, he should leave all that homemaker stuff to Steffi. White boy here burns water and can't even make ice."
"Oh come on, Paul, don't be such a drama king. This isn't bad." Francesca smiled, "though I would appreciate if you put some pants on while in my kitchen, Brian."
"It came out a little thicker than it should," Brian shook his head. "I will admit you got some kick ass utensils and pans out there, though."
She couldn't help but laugh. "Glad you approve. By the way, where is that lovely bride of yours?"
"Upstairs in the shower," he replied.
"Washing off Brian's funkyness after their last marathon screw session," Paul chimed in. "I mean, come on, one would think it would be the slow and romantic stuff, but today? I was subjected to two hours of dirty talk hell."
"Shouldn't have been eavesdropping, dude," Brian deadpanned.
"How could I not hear that shit? They would have heard you clear in China!"
"What's the matter, holmes, jealous I didn't ass rape you instead? By the way, Francesca, there's fresh sheets on the bed ready for you and him to go at it later," Brian replied. "Steffi insisted we make the room immaculate for your return."
"We will go at it after your fat ass gets dressed and leaves," Paul said. "Don't you have to go pack to go to a house show this weekend anyway?"
"Stef already did it before you invited us over," Brian answered.
"So how is she adapting to her upcoming TV role?" Francesca wondered, getting a mug of coffee and flipping on a fan to clear the smoke.
"Better than initially thought. I'm telling you, the woman's a natural, and she's kind of having fun with it. Steffi does admit it's going to be hard to play someone in a 'forced marriage' on camera, though."
"Given the real life circumstances, I'm sure," Francesca nodded.
"She's going to be great; sometimes Stef even have Zeke laughing his ass off, especially the parts where he's supposed to grab and carry her back in the ring when she's trying to sneak away from me. They were supposed to bring in Primo as her rescuer of sorts, but they have a thing going with the Bellas, so there's talk of bringing Jimmy or Scotty up instead. My wife attempting to be rescued by a redneck Asian or a guy in comic book style attire. I fucking love it."
"Better those two than that carnival freak guy," Paul said. "What's his name again?"
"Kizarny," Brian replied, "and I totally agree with you there, dude. I would have suggested Boogeyman, but that guy would scare Satan, and I doubt Steffi would have gone for it. Yeah, Scotty or Jimmy would be a more logical choice, being both dudes don't get much TV time as it is."
"Then again, it would have been fun to see Boogeyman carting you off, stalking Zeke, and covering you both with worms while Stef made her escape," Paul laughed.
"And you wonder why Creative never went with your ideas." Brian shook his head.
"Yeah, you're right, considering the new 'Run Steffi Run' chant is really catching on. Did you see all the stuff on WWE Universe? They even gave your wife her own page. She has like 1,000 people on it already."
"Really?" Brian was intrigued she had her own fan base so soon. "I haven't really looked at my own page, let alone hers. Since I'm under orders to put some pants on, I'll get my laptop while I'm at it. Be right back."
"You can put that apron in the hamper too," Francesca called after him.