How It Happened-

Chapter 33- The Boys Get In Trouble

Carrick

What is up with this day? Elliot's school got cancelled today because of some flooding issue or water main burst, I don't know which. Maybe both. It's not uncommon at this time of the year in Michigan.

Grace got called in at the last minute because, ironically, some other doctor got sick. Her parents are out visiting her brothers on the west coast, which means our go-to babysitter, Grandma, is unavailable. So I'm stuck staying home with the boys. Don't get me wrong. I love my boys but I have a huge case I'm supposed to be preparing and it never works well when I have to work from home, let alone with two boys to watch now.

When I've had to stay home with Elliot, it was relatively easy. He was used to playing alone since he was an only child. If it was just Christian, it would be fine. He's usually subdued and actually likes to be alone. But right now, I can tell they are both very excited for Elliot to be home today. And together? Let's just say the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Together they're more like a couple tornadoes looking for a trailer park!

I told them both that I have to work and they are supposed to play together and only come and get me if it's an emergency. I even had a discussion with them about what actually constitutes an emergency; 'We can't find the…,' 'We saw a spider,' and 'We're out of peanut butter' were not on the list. Basically the lecture stated 'If I need a magnifying glass, you don't need a band-aid, and if there isn't blood, I'm not to be disturbed.' Well that lasted about twenty minutes.

"Dad? Can you take us to the park?" I look up and see Elliot standing in front of my desk getting dirty fingerprints on a pile of documents.

"Elliot! No hands! And no, we can't go to the park. I told you I have to work today. You need to go play. Go." I point toward the door. I hate that look on his face. I'd really love to forget everything on my desk and take them to play, but reality is reality. It just can't happen today. I see him leave slowly and close my door.

I don't even know how many phone calls I make, but somewhere in the middle of what must be fifteen or sixteen, I look down and he's back. "Dad? How about now? Can we go to the park now? We're getting bored."

I have to excuse myself from my call to respond, "Elliot Grey, I said no. Not today. I'm working. You and Christian need to go outside on the swing set or downstairs to the game room, but no, we cannot go to the park." Again I get that sad dejected look as he heads out of my office. Damn that's painful. "Hey. How about we see how things are later. Maybe when I'm done, OK?" He nods sadly and closes the door when he leaves.

Thankfully I'm getting quite a bit done. Well, more than I expected being at home, even with two 'Elliot' interruptions. One of our paralegals brought me all the information I was lacking, it's all falling into place, and I'm completely focused on this case. So I just about jump out of my skin when I feel a little hand on my shoulder. "Elliot! Damn it! What!?"

"Please Dad? Can we just go for a little bit?"

"Elliot Trevelyan-Grey, I said no! What part of that is hard to understand? You know I'm working today and I already told you we might be able to go later. If you interrupt me again you can kiss that good-bye. Do you understand me?" I get another nod. "Elliot?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Go. Now." I glance at my watch; eleven ten. "I'll be out in a little bit to make lunch. Think about what you want. It's your choice today, OK?" He gives me another dejected nod and heads out of the room.

When I get to a logical stopping point and check my watch it's twelve fifteen. Damn! We've tried not to delay meals for Christian's sake, so I'm feeling awful making them wait so long, and the sweethearts didn't even come and get me. Elliot was probably too scared to come in my office again. I feel like crap.

Heading toward the kitchen I notice something's off. The house is a little too quiet. I don't hear any footsteps or toys crashing to the floor. I don't even hear Elliot and that's a constant hum in our house. I look out in the backyard. The swings are still. I look down in the game room but the lights are out in there. My heart is starting to pound as I rush up the stairs to look in the bedrooms. Our boys are gone! Oh my god, what if someone took them from the yard? And the whole point of me staying home was to take care of them today… I try to calm myself and force logical thoughts into my head, but with my heart pounding and my fears running away with me, that's getting more and more difficult to do.

Then it hits me. Oh, they wouldn't. Not after I said 'no' about a hundred times… I grab my jacket and keys and jump in the car. I hope they're not hiding somewhere and I'm about to leave them alone, but another part of me is sure I know exactly where they are. And if they are, they are in big trouble!

Grace

I'm not in the best of spirits today. I was supposed to have today off and with Elliot's school getting cancelled, staying home with both of my boys would have been perfect. Instead I get called in to cover for another pediatrician whose name I won't mention because he's still on my s-h-i-t list. I would normally, never say that about anyone, but for some reason I'm holding a grudge. He's come down with a pretty bad bronchial infection, so I feel bad thinking bad things about him, but I'd so much rather be home with the boys today.

I'm checking a few charts when a nurse tells me my husband is on the phone. Is he that incapable of taking care of the boys by himself? "Yes Carry? How can I help you today?" I know I sound sarcastic but really I'm jealous he's home and I'm not.

"Hey Gracie. I need some advice from a child specialist." He's breathing seems rather labored and he sounds a bit nervous and upset. Now I'm actually getting worried.

"Are the boys OK?"

"Well, yes. They're fine but they made me really angry and I'm not sure how to go about this today, so I'm tagging in with you."

"What happened?" I feel the other staff looking at me as we're not supposed to be on personal calls long, but I don't care right now. This is about my children. Carrick can talk to me as long as he needs to! He tells me about Elliot's numerous requests to go to the park. I feel so bad for him; he loves to play there. Carrick then tells me about the house being empty and the boys being gone. Now my motherly protective instincts are in overdrive and I'm asking question after question…. He assures me again that they are alright but it's not doing much to calm me down.

"Grace, please? If I stop at every sentence to answer your questions, I'll never get to why I'm calling." I take a couple deep breaths and assure him I'm listening. "So, it hits me that they probably went to the park. I jumped in the car and headed down there. As I'm pulling in the lot, I see Elliot climb out of the tunnel with Christian right behind him. At first I felt so relieved to find them… but I quickly got pissed! I headed over toward them rather than yell for them to come to me. Elliot sees me coming and knows immediately he is in big trouble. But Christian? He can see how mad I am and I think he went into a panic attack, Gracie...

"Gracie, he was absolutely terrified. I mean even more so than when he knows we have to touch him. I tried to control my anger, I tried to calm down and reassure him that I wasn't going to hurt him, but he looked at me like I haven't seen since the hospital…."

I can tell how horribly this has upset my husband. He's angry with the boys, and rightfully so. What were they thinking going to the park alone? And especially since he told them no. But I can only imagine how scared Christian had to be, seeing Carrick so mad and upset. He's never seen him that angry before. "Carry? Where are the boys right now?"

"I sent them to their rooms, but let me finish… So I tell Elliot to go wait in the car and I'm trying to handle this with Christian…"

Carrick

This is so hard to tell Grace. I'm not even expressing myself well but I'm sure she's about beside herself over Christian's reaction. What I really want from her though is expert advice. I hope she can give it to me without getting too emotional. "…He was literally backing away from me grabbing his clothes. You know, like he does when he's really nervous and wants his blanket?... So anyway, he was breathing really hard and not taking his eyes off of me. I kept telling him I wasn't going to hurt him, but hell, all I could think was 'until I spank your butt, Little Boy!' I mean Grace, I was… I am, so angry with them. We've always saved that for major issues… Blatantly defying me? Leaving home without an adult? Hell, Elliot's lucky I waited until we got home!"

"I understand your thinking Carry, just go on."

"Finally, I squatted down to Christian's level and folded my hands so he didn't think I was going to touch him. I told him exactly…. 'Christian, you need to get in the car now. I won't touch you, but you need to walk to the car, right now.' He did, but he was crying, his breathing was really erratic and he was still pulling on his clothes. He got in the car but just couldn't calm down. When we got home, I took the boys upstairs. I told Elliot to sit on his bed and not to get up, but when I closed his door, it scared Christian for some reason because he let out a loud, really frightened squeal.

"I walked him into his room and over to his bed. I told him to sit up there and not to get down, but when I closed the door behind me, he ran to it and pulled and shook it until it opened. He looked up at me with the most horrific expression, Grace. I wanted to just hold him and…" I can't even finish. That look will haunt me for a long time. "I have no idea what that was really about, but obviously there is something about closed doors in his background."

"He likes it open at night," she offers.

"I guess that's true but we've never seen a reaction like that one. Still… I told him to get back on the bed and I guess I was a little loud or maybe too stern because he just froze in that spot. I took his hand and walked him back to the bed. He screamed at the touch and those tears… When I left the room I told him I'd leave the door open but he had to stay on the bed." I'm near tears myself. "Did I just scar my son? Did I just do the absolutely wrong thing here Grace? And now what do I do? How do I punish Elliot and not Christian? But there is no way I can spank him. He's terrified. I mean we both know of his past… But Elliot knows what to expect when he flat out disobeys me… Gracie?"

Grace

Oh I wish I could just go home right now. It seems all three of my boys need reassurance. "Carrick? I don't know what the story is on the closed door. It obviously comes from something not very positive. I'm sure you're right, that Christian is afraid you're going to hurt him like he's experienced before. Maybe you shouldn't spank him… I mean it may just be too soon. I agree that Elliot crossed a major line today. You specifically told him 'no,' more than once, and he knows he's not allowed to go the park without an adult. But did Christian even know you already said no? Did Elliot even tell him he asked you? Maybe he was just doing what his big brother was doing and didn't know you had already…"

I can hear my husband let out a deep breath. "Maybe that's it. Maybe Christian didn't know? But can I still punish Elliot if I don't punish Christian?"

"Well, Elliot definitely knew what he was doing, so I say yes. But maybe Christian should be out of earshot. From what you're describing, maybe this is punishment enough for Christian. Maybe you should talk with him and explain the whole thing. Have we ever let him know the rules and consequences in this kind of situation? I mean it's never come up before."

"That's a good point. OK, I'll talk with him. I think he needs to know what happened that made me so mad and what may happen in the future… He always seems to do… whatever Elliot….. tells him… Not so sure that's a good idea..."

I can hear a hitch in Carry's voice; almost like he's gotten inundated with new thoughts. "What is it, Carry? Is everything OK now?"

"Yes, Baby, I have an idea. I think it will work for both of the boys. OK. Thanks Sweetheart! I love you. Get back to work now, Doctor."

I have to think Dr. Evans would be proud, and I can't help but smile. "Will do, Counselor. Let me know how it goes. I mean it Carry. I won't be able to relax until you do, OK?" He assures me he'll call when it's over, or he needs more help; whichever comes first. Dr. Shit-list owes me big time!

Carrick

I hit on an idea that I think may make this whole situation easier to handle; at least I hope it will. Otherwise, I may make things worse. God help me if I mess this up any more. I don't think I could handle the ramifications of Christian fearing me, if I do. I head back upstairs and into Elliot's room. It's evident he's been crying, but he is sitting on his bed exactly like I told him to. "Let's go, El. You need to come with me to talk to Christian." He gives me a slightly confused look. We've never done things this way, but there was never a little brother involved before either.

We head over to Christian's room in silence. The door is opened but he too is sitting on the bed. He's got a death grip on his blanket. He looks up as we come in and that frightened expression gets even deeper. I make sure to use the calmest, softest voice I can muster right now. "Christian? We're all going to talk about what happened today. Just talk right now, OK?" I motion for Elliot to climb up in the bed and I sit on one of the small chairs I grabbed from his room. I must look ridiculous with my knees almost near my ears, but I'm only concerned about helping my boys through this.

I'm looking back and forth between them and can see they are both still very unsure about me right now. "I was very scared today, boys. When I came out of my office to make lunch and I couldn't find you…? I was very, very worried. I thought something bad had happened to you. When I saw you at the park, I was so relieved that you were safe… But then I got mad. Elliot? Why was Daddy so mad at the park?"

"'Cause we went there and you said no."

"I said no." I turn to face Christian. "Did Elliot tell you I said no about going to the park?" I was really hoping to get a negative response to that question so I feel my heart sink when I get a silent nod. However, I decide to stick to my plan. "Elliot? What is that called when Daddy says no and you choose to do it anyway?" He can barely look at me, and answers with a nervous voice.

"Disobee…disobsin…"

"The word you're looking for is 'dis-o-be-di-ence.' Say that." I'm calm, but staying firm on this.

"Dis-oh-bee-dence."

"Close enough. What has always been the consequence for disobedience?"

"But Daddy! I don't wanna'…."

"Elliot, right now."

"A spankin." Now he's pulling on his clothes, he's so nervous.

"Yes. A spanking. But today, you also disobeyed another rule. Can you tell me which one it was?" He's giving me a worried and confused expression. "You went away from this house without permission or a grown up. Is it ever OK for you to go to the park without an adult?" He shakes his head silently. Not good enough today. "Elliot, answer me properly."

"No, Sir."

"So, I said no about going to the park and you did it anyway. You knew you did not have permission to go away from house without an adult, but you did that as well. So Elliot, what consequence are you getting, no question about it?"

"But Daddy!... Daddy!" He's pleading with everything he has, but it's not going to work on me. I give him a very stern look and he quickly replies. "A spanking."

"Oh yes. For disobeying both rules. Now, that being settled, please explain some things to your brother for me…" Christian's been very quiet throughout this part of our discussion; no groans, not even a squeal. He's not completely hidden, but the blanket is very close to hiding his face. I think my calmer tone has helped him settle down a little but I'm sure he's not comfortable with the sternness in it. "Christian? Please put the blanket down so you can look at Elliot and me." He does pull it down, but the death grip is not letting up.

"Elliot already explained disobedience. Do you understand what that means? If we tell you to do something, you do it. If you don't do what we tell you, that's disobedience. If Mommy or Daddy tell you no, the answer is no and you may not do it. That's it. If you go ahead and do it anyway, like the two of you did today, that's disobedience. Do you understand?" I get a small nod. "Elliot also said what happens with disobedience. Did you hear him?" Christian looks a little confused and looks over to Elliot. "Tell your brother, Elliot."

"We get a spankin'." I ask him to explain what that means. I'm hoping that hearing it from Elliot will be easier for Christian to accept and maybe he won't equate it with what his past experiences have been. However, seeing his big brother this upset and nervous may be counterproductive… "Daddy sits in a chair and you go on his knee and he spanks your bottom."

"Elliot, have I ever spanked you any other way besides on your bottom?"

He tries to get away with a shake of the head, but I need to be sure Christian understands clearly. Another stern look results in a quick "No, Sir."

"On your back or shoulders…?"

"No, Sir."

"Have I ever used anything other than my hand?"

"No, Sir."

"Have you ever been able to even feel it the next day?"

This gets a moment of thought before answering. But he shakes his head when he replies "No, Sir."

"Is it fun?"

Elliot's eyes go wide and he vehemently shakes his head when he answers "No, Sir!"

"Is it something we do a lot? Or do we take it seriously and only use it when you do something very naughty?"

"You don't do it a lot."

"So what does that mean about your behavior today, young man?"

He doesn't look very happy to have to admit it, but finally hangs his head and quietly says "We were very naughty today."

"Yes. Both of you were disobedient. I said no and you went to the park anyway. Both of you left home without an adult, which is never allowed. Mommy and I make rules so you will learn the appropriate way to behave and to keep you safe." At this point, I'm looking back and forth between my two sons. Elliot has relaxed a bit and Christian doesn't seem quite as scared, although I wouldn't say he's relaxed either. That blanket is still being held tightly in his arms

"Elliot, you will go sit in time-out in my office, and wait for me." He looks a bit surprised but knows better than to question me right now. Once I can hear he's almost downstairs, I turn back to Christian. "So, Little Man, do you understand why Daddy was mad today?" I get a small nod. "I know you were very scared but I don't want you to be scared like that anymore. I will never hurt you like that mean man did. You heard Elliot tell you all about getting a spanking. It's not fun, but it doesn't last. And I only do it because I love you so much. I want you to behave and I don't ever want anything to happen to you. Come here."

I pat my lap and put my arm down at my sides so he knows I'm not going to touch his upper body. Surprisingly, he actually climbs up on my lap. He doesn't lay over it, but is sitting on my lap for the first time ever. I want so much to wrap my arms around him and I'm so overcome with emotion, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "I love you, Christian. I want you to know right and wrong. I want you to obey Mommy and Daddy so you can learn that, and be safe."

Those big grey eyes look up at me and I have to change the plan. Besides, Grace is probably right; it's too soon. "You earned a spanking like your brother did today, but I think seeing how angry Daddy was, was punishment enough this time. I'm going to make lunch now and deal with your brother. You are going to stay in this room until I call you downstairs. Do you understand?"

His copper hair flops around when he nods to me. He lets out a small sigh. "I agree, Buddy." And I let out an exaggerated one myself. "Always remember I love you, even if you are naughty. Mommy and I will make sure you don't want to do it again, but we will never stop loving you." I lean down and feel him tense up as I kiss the top of his head. "Let's go, now." He climbs off me and back up on the bed. "I will leave the door open a little, you will stay right where you are, understood?" Again I get a floppy nod.

I have to wipe away a small tear as I leave Christian's room. I leave the door open enough to keep him comforted, but I'm concerned about him hearing me deal with his brother. That's the main reason I sent Elliot downstairs.

As I enter my office, I see Elliot has been crying again. Well, good. He knows he's in trouble and he knows why. I sit on the sofa and silently motion for him to come over to me. Without another word I proceed to discipline my disobedient son.

As a child, when I got punished, I was sure my parents were the meanest people on the planet. As a parent, I realize they barely hurt me at all. Most of the punishment was in my own head; knowing I had disobeyed them and the fear of getting a spanking were actually worse than the spanking itself. Someday Elliot will realize this too, but today is not that day.

He's standing between my legs now wiping his eyes and breathing in sharp hiccuping breaths from being upset. I wrap my arms around him and hold him closely. I wish I could have done so, with Christian. After a few moments he calms a little and asks "Did- Chris-Christian- get a spankin'- too?" Oh man… the 'everything has to be fair' thing again… I decide honesty is the best way to handle this today.

"Your brother earned a spanking today too, because he knew I said 'no,' but I'll be honest with you El, I did not give him a spanking today." The look on his face is almost panicked over the unfairness of it all… "Elliot, what went through your head when you saw me at the park?" He stiffens, but I get no response. "I think I know already, so I'll tell you. You felt scared because you knew you were in trouble, didn't you?" This gets a hesitant and silent nod. "You knew you disobeyed me and you knew what the consequence was going to be because of it." He's still silent, but I can tell he's not liking how accurate my statements are.

"Did you see how scared Christian was? Did you see that he was afraid of me, and not because he had disobeyed? You were scared because you knew your behavior earned a spanking. Christian was scared because in his experience, when someone was angry, he got painfully hurt; it may not even have had anything to do with him doing anything naughty." Elliot still isn't ready to talk to me, but I can tell he's listening when he leans closer into my chest.

"Let me ask you something… Did you tell Christian what would happen if you two disobeyed me and went to the park?" He leans back so I can see his expression. It is answer enough, but he shakes his head slowly. "Well, neither did I. And I know Mommy didn't either." Elliot hangs his head a little. "Would it be fair to give Christian a spanking if he never knew that would be the consequence? If he never had the chance to make the decision to go with you, or not go, knowing what would happen if he did?" The fact that he's hanging his head and still sniffling is answer enough. "I didn't think so either. Now he knows, and he will be expected to obey Mommy and Daddy just like you are. I hope neither of you will disobey again, but if you do you both know the consequences and we'll deal with it then. Do you understand now?"

I get another silent nod. Under normal circumstances I would insist he speak respectfully but this whole situation has been far from normal. "Alright Buddy," I lean down and kiss his head too. "I want you to go upstairs and tell your brother I said it's time to come down to eat. I'm going to make lunch because it's way past time." Thankfully, he heads upstairs and doesn't ask about lunch being his choice, which I told him earlier it would be. I make three quick peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, find some carrot sticks for each of them, and add a few of the Doritos from my secret stash I keep hidden from Grace. She'd go ballistic if she knew I was giving them those. It's my way of letting them know I still love them, even when they're naughty.

They enter the kitchen a bit subdued and very quiet. Then when I put the plates down in front of them, Elliot looks at me with his big blue eyes and his toothless smile… Christian doesn't hesitate at all and dives into the sandwich. I join them with my own sandwich… I forgot how amazing PB&J can be… and we enjoy our Doritos, just me and my boys.