Thank you again to Cenalover for reviewing the last chapter.

I have two ideas for this chapter and am going to put them both on here as I couldn't decide what one to go with. This is the first idea.

Chapter 38 - Idea 1

I woke up a coupe of times during the night shivering slightly. I didn't think any of it and snuggled into Zo and went back to sleep. In the morning at around 7 I could hear the alarm go of faintly and just snuggled into Zoe even more. I think Zoe could tell I was slightly awake. "Nick I wish I could stay here all day with you, but I have to go to work." Zoe whispered.

I just groaned and wouldn't let go of Zoe. Zoe managed to untangle herself from me and got up from the bed. She then pulled the covers back over me. When she did this I wrapped the covers round me tight and went back to sleep.

Zoe had gone into the kitchen to make herself some coffee and breakfast which she ate before heading upstairs for a shower and got ready for work. Once she was ready she checked on me thinking I was fast asleep. She came over and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Stay" I mumbled in my sleep.

"Nick I wish I could" Zoe said.

Zoe then left making sure she shut the door quietly. I then tried to go back to sleep for a bit, which I couldn't so I decided to get up and go to the toilet and then make myself a cup of coffee to try and warm myself up. Once I made my coffee I went back to bed and drank it in bed.

Once I had finished my coffee I lay back down in bed feeling much warmer now. I pulled the covers over myself and curled up underneath the covers as I wrapped myself round them and fell back to sleep again. I woke up a few hours later after actually managing to get some decent sleep. I woke up slightly sweaty and a bit hot but I didn't think anything of it and just thought it was because I was so wrapped under the duvet. I look at the time and it is around half 10. I decide to watch TV in bed for a bit. I watch TV for around half hour and then decide to get up and go and have a shower.

When I get out the shower I feel much more refreshed and awake. I get dried in the bathroom and then chuck my dressing gown on as I make my way downstairs. Once I am in my bedroom I decide what to wear as I have decided to visit Yvonne's grave today after what happened last night. As I think about what happened I feel sorry for what Zoe must be going through, I just hoped she realised that it was just too soon, but I have defiantly got feeling for her. I think we both got caught up in the moment.

I decide on wearing a casual shirt with a pair of jeans. I decide to make myself presentable as I am going to visit Yvonne later today. Once I am dressed I make my way into the lounge and sit on the Sofa and watch a bit of TV, I wasn't feeling that hungry, so just decided to skip breakfast and have an early lunch and then head to the cemetery where Yvonne is buried stopping to buy flowers on his way.

…

Back at the ED it had been a very busy morning. Zoe had been called into meetings that morning which she didn't know she had. Zoe groaned at this as she wanted to be kept busy that morning so she didn't have to think of what happened last night with Nick, she wanted to discuss this with someone but knew she couldn't as she was the only one that. Ash had been in rhesus the whole morning with Tom's help. Sam had been in cubicles that morning. Sam had just finished with her latest patient in rhesus and hadn't stopped for a break at all that morning and the time was now around half 11, which was almost lunch time. Sam informed Connie she was going on her break. Sam made her way to the staffroom and flicked the kettle on. As she sat down her mind wondered to thinking how Nick was doing in the states. She then thought about how he had broken his promise to write to her once he had gone. He wrote to her a few times when he first moved over and then suddenly he stopped writing to her. She didn't think much of it at the time as she knew he was a busy man. She had written to him twice within the last month or so and she was wondering what she had done wrong for him to ignore her. She decided she would speak to Zoe at some point to see if she has heard from him. Unbeknown to Sam Nick was back in the UK currently having treatment for cancer.

…..

At around half 12, I went to make myself some lunch. I went and made myself a cold drink. I still wasn't feeling that hungry for some reason but I knew I needed to eat. So I decided to look in the cupboard to see if we had a tin of soup. I poured the contents into a bowl and put it in the microwave, and turned it on to heat the soup up. I then went and put one slice of bread in the toaster. Once the bread popped up I put a thin layer of butter on it and cut the toast in to soldier slices, so I could dip this into the soup. The microwave beeped and I checked that the soup was hot. I decided to put it on for another 30 seconds to double check. When it beeped again, I carefully took the bowl out of the microwave with a tea towel in my hand and placed my plate on the table. I then ate my soup and toast. I managed about three quarters of the bowl and one slice of toast which I had made. I knew that my appetite had changed since starting treatment, even though I wasn't currently having active treatment, I still didn't think any of it.

I cleaned up from lunch and decided to relax for fifteen minutes letting my lunch go down. I then made sure I had my wallet, phone and keys in my pocket before going to put my shoes and Jacket on. I then put the alarm on and walked out of the door and locked up. I then walked to the shop and bought a lovely bunch of flowers to put on Yvonne's grave. Once I had bought the flowers, I managed to flag a cab down and asked them to take me to the cemetery.

Once we arrived just outside, I went to pay the taxi driver the money who wouldn't take it at first, as he didn't want to take any money of someone who was going to visit a dead relative. I was grateful at this gesture, and thanked him but gave him ten pounds anyway. I got out the car and smoothed my shirt out as I did and picked the flowers up and thanked the taxi driver again before shutting the door. I then make my way over to Yvonne's grave.

As I approach Yvonne's grave I read what Dianne and I had written on the grave and feel my eyes water. I got to Yvonne's grave a crouched down and placed the flowers by the plaque that he had placed on the grave.

"Yvonne I still think about you everyday, I still can't believe how you were crawly taken from me like that. You were only doing your job and this is what happened. I hope you know that nothing will ever change I will miss you for ever and you will always be in heart everyday. I know I haven't visited your grave since that day that I first came back to Holby and I'm sorry. I wished I could have done, but as you may know from looking over me that I am currently having treatment for cancer." I whispered the last bit and could feel myself cracking up. I decided to just take a breather. I shut my eyes and took some deep breaths, when I opened my eyes I felt slightly better.

"I wish you were here to help me get through my treatment with me and for me to lean on, but I haven't got that any more. I don't know if you remember my colleague Zoe, but she has been a great support through this difficult time. During this time we have both grown closer to each other and I have developed feelings for her again. This doesn't mean that I have forgotten about you, I hope that you can accept me being with Zoe and that I get your blessing to move on, you will always be in my heart, I can promise you that."

I had been trying to hold the tears but at this point I just had to let them all out. I decided to just sit there for a bit and shut my eyes to feel close to Yvonne again. After a few minutes I opened my eyes and wiped the tears away.

I just sat there in my own thoughts for about ten minutes. I then decided it was time to get up. I went to get up but suddenly felt lightheaded and dizzy, I sat still for a few minutes hoping the feeling would pass. I thought it had passed when I went to get up. I got about half way up when the light headiness feeling came back and I fainted on the floor. A couple that had been visiting someone a few graves up from where Nick had been saw what had happened and rushed over to Nick. The lady rang for an ambulance as the gentleman tried to see if I was breathing, to which I faintly heard that he is breathing, boiling hot and very pale. The lady on the phone to the ambulance control was informed to try to raise my legs above my head, but not to move me. The lady got of the phone and pulled jacket of and wrapped it round her handbag and carefully placed this under my legs

…

Dixie had been radioed through a collapsed but breathing mid 40's by the look of it at the graveyard. Dixie sighed when she had heard the message "Why do they give us a shout just as we go on a break." Jeff had just finished pouring three coffees and just groaned. Dixie, Jeff and Iain had to abandon their coffees as they got into the ambulance. Dixie was driving, Jeff was sat in the front and Iain was in the back.

"It's probably kids mucking about playing a joke, Halloween is coming up after all." Iain joked.

"It bloody better not be they stopped me having my coffee" Jeff groaned.

Dixie parked up outside the graveyard. The three of them got out of the ambulance and grabbed the bags. The gentleman that had found Nick heard the sirens coming so had gone to the entrance of the graveyard so he could show the paramedics where to go. The gentleman led them to where Nick was. As they were approaching the grave Jeff saw who's name was in the grave Yvonne Rippon and just stood still. He tired to move but his feet were stuck. Dixie noticed Jeff standing still "come on just don't stand there Jeff" Dixie said annoyed.

Jeff didn't answer he eyes just darted over to the game on the grave. Dixie followed his eyes. She just gasped when she noticed Yvonne's grave, then her eyes fell to the man and she just thought it can't be can it, he is America or is he.

Dixie then raced over to the grave and bent down and saw he instinct was right. She just couldn't believe it was Nick. She checked his pulse and felt that it was weak. "Jeff don't just stand there it is Nick" Dixie said.

At this comment gave Jeff back his feeling and he rushed over to help Dixie.