Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 38: The Lost Mattress

"Wow, this time I'm really late again. Maybe he'll finally fire me." Dark Pit laughed as he walked into the closed front doors of the Smash Burger. "Locked?"

"This isn't happening. This isn't happening!"

"Pit-stain?"

Pit lay in a fetal position in front of the Smash Burger, knocking his head on the front doors. "The horror, it's unspeakable. Don't you see, Pittoo? It's closed! The Smash Burger is closed!"

"You mean I got out of bed for nothing?"

"The doors are locked. The doors are locked and we are on the outside. Outsiders. What are we going to do, Pittoo? There are Smash Burgers inside all alone."

"Just stand aside, lad, and let me unlock the door."

Pit turned around. "Mr. Mario, you're here! Gosh, Mr. Mario, we were worried something might have happened to you. That the world would've been deprived of the greatest food known to man."

"Oh, you made me drop my keys. Give me some space, lad. Can't a plumber get a little space now?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Mario." Pit cried.

"Harsh." Dark Pit laughed.

Mario bent over to pick up the keys and ended up cracking his back. "Arrgh, my back!"

"Are you hurt, Mr. Mario?" Pit asked.

"No. I'm just doubled over in pain, fightin' back tears in my eyes because it's a new dance craze!"

"Oh good, I thought you were hurt."

"I am hurt, ya idiot!" Mario shouted, causing Pit's lip to quiver. "I'm sorry I snapped at ya, laddie. It's just my back is killing me. It's my old, lumpy mattress. It's like trying to sleep on broken sticks. I'm going out of my mind."

"Poor Mr. Mario. What are we going to do, Pittoo?"

"Why do anything? I like the new Mr. Mario. He yells at you more." Dark Pit laughed.

"I'm serious, Pittoo."

"So am I."

"We should get Mr. Mario a new mattress and surprise him with it as a gift. Then we'll never have to be late to work again."

"What? You want me to spend my hard earned money on my richer than my skin flint boss? No, thank you."

"That's okay, Pittoo, you'll warm up to the idea."

"Thanks for coming with me, Kirby."

"No problem, buddy. I always wanted to go to a mattress store." Pit and Kirby entered the store and gasped in awe.

"I've never seen so many mattress."

"Yeah."

"How many do you think there are?"

Kirby looked around and thought for a moment. "10."

"Cool."

"There's plenty more than that. Try them out. Find one you like."

Pit and Kirby then tried several mattresses, such as ones that sunk deep, were rock hard, and even one that was covered in needles.

Pit and Kirby laughed as they lay on the floor in the Smash Burger.

"What are you morons doing?" Dark Pit asked.

"Making a card for Mr. Mario. To go with his new mattress." Pit answered.

"Oh, I see. You're just kissing up to the boss to make me look bad. Well, I won't stand for it. Gimme that card." Dark Pit grabbed the card and signed it. "Trying to outsmart me, will ya? There, I signed it for all of us."

"Hey, you didn't even help pay." Kirby pointed out.

"Oh, that's okay, as long as Mr. Mario is happy with his new mattress."

"Oh, my back. Well, here goes another useless attempt to sleep on my mount less, lumpy mattress." Mario lay on his mattress and noticed something odd. "Huh, that's weird. My mattress seems strangely cozy and butter-like..." He then fell asleep and Pit, Kirby, and Dark Pit jumped out.

"Surprise!"

"Armageddon! What? Oh, you? What in the blue eye scallop are you doing in my bedroom?"

"We noticed how miserable you were on your lumpy, old mattress." Pit answered.

"So I suggested we get you a new one." Dark Pit added.

"I thought it was your idea." Kirby whispered to Pit.

"So, where's my old mattress then?" Mario asked through gritted teeth.

"Don't worry, Mr. Mario, I took care of that personally, too. I had it hauled away to the dump." Dark Pit replied.

Mario suddenly jumped on Dark Pit. "All my money was in that mattress!"

"What?! Haven't you ever heard of a bank?!"

"No!" Mario began to walk backwards, hitting his lamp and trashing some books.

"Mr. Mario!" Pit gasped.

"No!" Mario then fainted onto the floor.

"And we got you a card." Kirby said.

Mario lifted his head up. "Is there money in it?"

"Nope." Kirby answered, and Mario fainted again.

"Is it serious, doctor? Will Mr. Mario be alright?" Pit asked as they were now in the hospital.

"Mr. Mario is in a cash-coma. Only the return of his money can save his life." Dr. Mario answered.

"It was Pit-stain's fault. Getting Mr. Mario a new mattress was his idea."

"I knew it!"

"Not so fast! This card says 'This was all my idea. Love, Dark Pit.' If Mr. Mario doesn't pull through, you're going to jail." Fox warned.

"Ooh...you did this, Pit-stain! If you don't get Mr. Mario's mattress back from the dump, I am going to murd..." Dark Pit threatened as Fox cleared his throat. "...help you do it myself."

"Wow, he really does care."

(Line Break)

"What a dump." Kirby commented as they were now at the dump.

"We gotta get in there, Pittoo. Mr. Mario is counting on us."

"Hey, Pit, isn't that the mattress over there?"

"Terrific, Kirby, you found it!"

"What? Where? Lemme see. Where?"

"There it is Pittoo, underneath that really big Chain Chomp."

"Oh, that figures."

"Oh no, this is horrible."

"What is it, doctor?" The nurse asked.

"This man has no insurance."

"He'll never be able to afford this room!"

"You're right, nurse. Extract the patient to the hallway. Stat!" The nurse pushed Mario out of the room and into a snack machine.

"Well, that's Mr. Mario's mattress, alright. Let's go get it."

"Okay, here's the plan: you two quietly go in there, remove the mattress out from the Chain Chomp without...waking...the Chain Chomp." Dark Pit explained.

"Why not?" Kirby asked.

"Because that would be rude, Kirby."

"And nothing's meaner than a Chain Chomp. He'll eat you alive!"

"Hey, wait a minute, what are you gonna do?"

"Oh, I've got the most important job. I'm going to keep watch to make sure it's safe."

"Gee, thanks buddy."

"My pleasure. Now let's gets a move on."

Pit and Kirby then climbed up the fence. "Ah, isn't it beautiful, Kirby? You can see everything from up here."

"Wow." They both sighed.

"What are you morons doing?"

"Hey, Kirby, I think I can see our houses from here."

"Where? I can't see them." The fence then flipped around and Dark Pit got on the inside and Pit and Kirby got on the outside.

"Wow." Pit and Kirby laughed.

"Let's do it again."

"What did you idiots do?"

"Pittoo, what are you doing in there? You were suppose to keep watch."

"Yeah, and you woke up the Chain Chomp too." Pit added.

"I didn't do it! You blockheads woke...the...Chain Chomp." Dark Pit screamed as the Chain Chomp began to attack him.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, doctor?"

"Regarding your patient, doctor. I have come to this conclusion."

"Yes, go on."

"We have to surgically remove him out from in front of the candy machine so I can get to the nutty nut bar."

"Of course. Nurse?"

"I'm on it." The nurse took Mario and wheeled him outside the hospital.

Pit and Kirby climbed down a rope to get inside the gate. "Chomp bait to the retriever. Chomp bait to the retriever. We're in. Out." Pit spoke to Dark Pit.

"Retriever to Chomp bait, stay in. Don't go out."

"Understood. Out."

"No! In! Out."

"Understood. Out."

"Oh, look, you're at the far side of the dump, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Good. Then make lots of noise to draw the Chain Chomp away from the mattress so I can retrieve it."

"Affirmative. Out. Oh, that's why he calls himself 'The Retriever'."

"Why are we called 'Chomp-bait?'" Kirby asked.

"I dunno." The two of them started making loud noises using pots and pans to draw the Chain Chomp away from the mattress.

"And my perfect plan falls into place." Dark Pit laughed.

"Uhh, Pit?"

"Yes, Kirby?"

"I think I know why our code name is 'Chomp-bait'." The Chain Chomp rushed over and growled at the two of them until it noticed the wooden spoon in Pit's hand

"Nice Chain Chomp. Good, kind, gentle Chain Chomp." The Chain Chomp's eyes became fixated on the wooden spoon.

"Ohh, Pit, he likes your wooden spoon."

Pit moved the spoon around and the Chain Chomp's eyes followed. "Wow, I think you're right, Kirby."

"See if he plays catch."

"Okay, see the stick boy? Go get it, boy!" Pit threw the spoon and the Chain Chomp chased after it.

"Coast is clear. Dark Pit, you are a genius." A wooden spoon suddenly hit Dark Pit on the head. "Ouch. What the...? Hey, I needed a wooden spoon. I'll just keep it safe from harm in my back pocket. And now for the mattress." The Chain Chomp then came and bit him in the butt. "I should've guessed."

"Excuse me, doctor."

"Administrator, what can I do for you?"

"It has come to my attention that your patient, Mr. Mario, is outside on the front sidewalk."

"Yes, yes he is."

"What were you thinking, man? We're trying to run a business. We can't leave patients on the sidewalk."

"Not to worry. Nurse!"

"I'm on it." The nurse pushed Mario away from the hospital and down a hill.

Back at the dump, dawn was breaking.

"Alright, you two, what's the holdup?" Dark Pit asked.

"We feel silly." Pit answered.

"Come on, do it for old man Mario."

"Okay." Pit and Kirby jumped out of the portable potty in steak costumes. "Can you explain the plan again, Pittoo?"

"Sure, but first, put on this cologne."

"Steak sauce?" Pit shrugged and began to put the sauce on his body.

"Okay, so you are dressed as choice cuts. You go in there and yell 'Trick or treat!' The Chain Chomp will realize he forgot to stock up on Halloween candy, he'll leave to buy some then we take the mattress."

"Gimme that cologne." Kirby took the bottle and put the steak sauce on his body.

"Now get in there!"

"Happy Halloween, Pittoo!"

"I am not going to get hurt this time." Dark Pit then heared some rattling in the distance. He looked to see Mario on his hospital bed rolling down the street towards the dump. "Isn't that Mr. Mario?" Dark Pit screamed as he ran him over, crashed through the gate, and ran into a rock, causing the bed to flip him over in front of his mattress. The Chain Chomp then started to growl.

"That Chain Chomp doesn't look very happy."

"Run, Mr. Mario! Run like you're not in a coma!" Pit shouted.

Mario started to sniff around. "It's...my money!" The Chain Chomp snarled as he sent it into the air and off the mattress. "Oh, money. I promise I'll never leave you alone again."

"Hey, Mr. Mario." Mario jumped onto his mattress and barked. "No, Mr. Mario, it's us!"

"Trick or treat."

"Oh, hey, Pit. I didn't recognize you. Say, why are you two dressed like meat?"

"Not just meat, we're choice cuts! Right, Pittoo?"

"Oh, I give up." The Chain Chomp landed in Dark Pit's arms snarling at him, and he ran off as it began chase him.