DISCLAIMER: No, I do not own Vampire Knight or any of its characters. All rights belong solely to Matsuri Hino. I also do not own anything that you may or may not recognize in the chapter. All rights belong to their owners.
A / N:
SURPRISE!
I'm here again, updating so soon! ( At least in my books it's considered soon HAHA )
So after posting last chapter and rethinking about what I wrote last time, I realized that I forgot to mention how much I love Haruka and Juri together as a couple. I didn't even remember they existed until I had gone back a few chapters to try and figure something out, but yeah. I'm just kind of stunned that I forgot them. LOL. ANYWAY.
Part of the reason why I was able to write so much and update so quickly is, in part, due to school being over. But it's also a bit more than that, too, which kinda leads into the announcement thing I mentioned last chapter.
The thing I wanted to tell you guys is that I'm actually going to be travelling to Japan for a week, and then heading to South Korea for another two. I'm leaving the very end of May and wanted to update before I left. It's kind of insane. I mean, as a kid, I'd always dreamt of visiting those places, and now that I'm older, those dreams are actually coming true? HAHA. I'm so damn excited, but it's been so ridiculously stressful just trying to pull everything together. It's going to be my first trip without family and with only friends, so we'll see how that goes. Like I said last time, you guys probably don't care, but I just thought it'd be fun to update you guys a bit and let you know something more personal about me! I'm hoping to write more on this trip so that when I get back, I'll be able to update quickly! (:
I've been hesitating with this for so long-and to be honest, I'm still not really sure about it-but I thought that some of you might want to see bits and pieces of the trip I'll be on. I made an IG account under the username thirteenthwanderer in case you guys wanted to follow it and see random photos from the journey, as well as sporadic little pieces I write in my journal or something like that. I hesitated with creating this and bringing it up because I'm STILL not sure how our Wi-Fi and internet shit is happening, so I might not even be able to update that often. It's not something you should feel obligated to follow, just something I thought that would be fun. I made a new account instead of using my personal one not because I'm particularly worried about my identity or anything, but more like I didn't want to throw my friends on blast LOL. But some of you guys have been with me for SO long, and if you're curious about my personal IG or anything, just let me know in a PM or a comment and we'll see (;
But yeah. That's all. LOL. I'M SORRY IF THAT WAS SO ANTI-CLIMATIC? I wish I was telling you guys I was getting published officially or something HAHA. Not that this trip isn't a huge deal to me, but because I feel like at the very least, being published might have something for you guys, too. BUT MOVING ON.
A LOT of you guys seemed to be ragging on Zero last chapter, and that surprised me! I wasn't expecting that at all LOL. I put some things in perspective and offered bits of explanations for his behaviour in my responses to some lovely people at the end of the chapter, so if you were interested in any of that, you'll be able to find it in some of the replies, as well as in this update in of itself!
So without further ado...
Enjoy, my darlings! (:
Heterochromia.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT;
"All In"
"You sure you want to do this?" Kaito asked, his voice a lazy drawl.
She nodded her head solemnly, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. "Yeah, I do." She paused, then murmured, "You don't have to come with me if you don't want to, Kaito. I'll be OK even on my own."
He snorted, clearly unconvinced. "You still have a slight fever from collapsing in the damn rain after doing god-knows-what. You aren't being left alone to do this."
Just the mention of what happened that day of her collapse made her feel slightly uncomfortable. Whenever she thought about it, a twist occurred in her heart, allowing sadness to sink into it. She didn't turn to face him, but rather ducked her head down. "Thank you for your help, then," she said softly.
For a moment, he didn't say anything. They simply walked side by side through the bustling Association, giving the standard greetings to whoever passed by that were familiar to them.
It wasn't until they reached the door leading down to one of the Association's prison basements that he stopped her. She looked over at him questioningly, and his voice was quiet as he said, "You can't avoid him forever."
Immediately catching onto what he was talking about, Ivy felt herself frown out of defense. She wasn't really avoiding him; it was just that she had her own important matters to attend to, and not all of them involved him. "I'm not."
Sighing, the tawny-haired hunter ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I don't know what happened that day, but whatever went down has changed something, and not in a good way. Either talk it out together or get over it. Nobody has the time or energy to try and tango with you guys."
Despite herself, she couldn't contain her mirth at his language. A small laugh escaped her as she teased, "Tango with us? Really, Kaito?"
"Ivy." Exasperation.
Shaking her head, Ivy sobered up again. Nobody had asked her what happened that day, and for that, she was both grateful and a little bit suffocated. A part of her wanted to talk to someone about it, to have them tell her something—anything—so that she didn't just have her own thoughts to listen to. But she didn't know what to say, who to say it to, so she opted to remain silent about it.
Things hadn't changed that much between the two. They still spoke and everything, it just seemed awkward for her. She didn't see him that often anymore, mainly because they really actually were busy with their own individual activities. Even so, Ivy wasn't delusional enough to convince herself she wasn't purposefully planning things to collide with his.
She needed more time. She just didn't know what she needed the time for.
"I'm trying," she told him earnestly. "I'm sorry if it's putting you guys in a weird position, but that day—I…" she swallowed, shook her head. She repeated, "I'm trying."
His gaze burned into her for a long, long time, as if assessing her. She felt the prickle of his eyes, and though it unnerved her, the fact that she couldn't see those topaz orbs made her less uncomfortable than she would've otherwise been.
"You need to talk about it?" he asked eventually, sounding gruff to try and hide how awkward he felt to offer.
"Are you telling me you'll willingly sit down and talk with me about feelings?" she teased, raising her eyebrows at him and laughing when he grunted and nudged her. Through her playfulness, she felt herself warm at the offer, and despite wanting so badly to accept it, she wasn't sure if Kaito was the kind of person to talk about that with. "Thanks, Kaito, but I'll be OK." She smiled brightly at him, then gestured to the door leading to the prison. "Can we get started on this now?"
Rather than replying with words, he answered her by undoing the wards placed on the door temporarily to let them through. They made their descent down the cool concrete stairwell, their path lighted by torches every few steps. Neither one of them said anything, lost in their own thoughts. She kept one hand hovering above the wall, just in case she slipped, but Kaito had a steadying grip on her arm that made going down the stairs less daunting.
There was a second door when they reached the bottom of the stairwell, this one with heavier wards than the last. Kaito took a few minutes to undo them all just long enough for them to pass through the door, and then they found themselves in the large, dimly-lit area full of prisoners.
A few snarls, scoffs, groans could be heard echoing through the monotonous area. The sound of shackles clinking against one another, of them clanging against bars, rang through the cells. Nobody said a word at their arrival.
Ivy took the lead. She remembered exactly which cell that Iwao had taken her to—it was hard to forget anything about that day. She let her feet carry her down the rows and rows of cells, turning every so often. She could feel Kaito's tensed, readied body right by her, coiled to jump into action whenever he needed to. The way he was positioned, it was like he was preparing himself to shield her from a barrage of attacks using his own body.
The cell that she'd been in previously was vacant, but that didn't matter to her. Instead, she turned to face the cell directly across from hers.
"Yer back, sweetpea," the familiar woman's voice floated into the air. "Looks like ya ain't goin' to be thrown back in there this time."
"No," she agreed quietly.
"Looks like yer grandpa did ya in good." The disgust was strong and undisguised in her raspy voice. There was a spark of anger in there too. "Ya blind for good now, sweetpea?"
Shaking her head, Ivy said, "Thank the lords that it's just temporary. I've still got a little while until I can see again."
"That's good, that's good." A pause, some shifting. "So then what brings ya back down ta this place? Ya here for a party?" Chuckles rang through the cells, as if sharing a joke between them all. Even though chuckles were meant to sound happy, to be full of amusement, these ones sounded so sad that Ivy felt her heart reaching out to them. They were hopeless chuckles, devastated ones. They were chuckles that spoke of bitterness and hardships and sadness.
She took a few steps forward so that she when she reached out, she could touch the bars that held this woman from her. "I'm Tashiro Kaori," she started. "This is Takamiya Kaito." She stopped there, and nobody else said anything. They were waiting for her, waiting to know what she wanted.
She almost felt like they were waiting for her to do even more damage to them, as if they were bracing themselves for the worst.
How many people in here were suffering because of her sick, vile grandparents? How many of them had been stuck in here during their fight for justice? How many of them had been wronged when they were just trying to do what was right?
The answer was probably too many. There were too many of them in here that didn't need to be, too many that had faced injustice at the hands of her grandparents. There were too many words left unspoken in here, too many feelings forgotten.
It was time to bring it all back.
Ivy reached out and grasped tightly onto one of the bars. Her voice, when she spoke, rang strong through the basement like an angel's call.
"And we want to know… everyone's stories."
x
They walked side by side silently.
She was lost in her own thoughts—mainly about how awkward and solemn she felt. It was strange to be around Zero and not feel her usual effortless ease; there had never been a time before now that she'd felt anything less than that. And it made her so upset with herself for letting something like what happened in the clearing be the cause of the alteration in her relationship with him. A stupid reason, one that should be the least of her worries.
And yet she could do nothing to stop the unfamiliar tension in her system, the strange twists in her stomach.
Zero was never a conversationalist, and he didn't turn over a new leaf because of her silence. He remained as he always was: quiet, observant, indifferent. After his initial inquiry about what was wrong—and her typical reply that nothing was—he'd pressed for a bit until she had blatantly told him that she didn't want to talk about it. He'd stared at her for a moment, his eyes slightly narrowed, before he let the issue slide.
A part of her felt guilty for pushing him away, but she didn't know what she could possibly tell him. That she was upset he'd gone after Yuuki? That she felt like he'd betrayed her by doing so? That her own feelings for him were the cause of her ache, and that he didn't need to worry about it?
Yeah, right.
Murmurs and chatter surrounded her as they made their way to Cross Academy's entrance, where the taxi taking them to Headquarters was waiting. If Kaito hadn't "accidentally forgotten" to tell her he'd changed his mind and was leaving for the Association earlier than he'd said, she wouldn't have come back from her late night meanderings and bumped into Zero as he was preparing to leave.
Eyes of students blazed along her, making her feel a bit more self-conscious than usual. Nadeshiko's words had been tucked carefully into the depths of her heart, placed in a special little box that she bubble-wrapped. They resonated inside of her, and even though she didn't quite believe the shy girl's words, they offered her a sort of comfort, a kind of confidence.
A hand latched onto her elbow, pulling her closer to a body. "Pay attention to where you're going."
"Sorry," she murmured, trying to remember where they were. The sound of water rang with clarity in her ears, and she almost wanted to laugh. Had she really almost crashed into one of the fountains? "Thank you. I'm pretty sure I would've toppled in, and it's a little too early to be soak—" she stopped herself from finishing that sentence, feeling that curl of dread wrench.
Ivy could sense his mood darken. The grip on her elbow tightened just faintly. "That day—"
"It's OK!" she interrupted hastily. She didn't want to hear what he had to say, not really. It was too early, too soon, for another round of heartache. She needed a few more days to refortify her defenses, needed a handful more nights to try and steel her heart. If he told her what happened right at this moment, she was sure that it would be the straw that broke the camel's back. "It wasn't your fault that I got sick! I know that Kaito and them have been giving you a hard time about it, but please don't listen to them. I'm an adult, so things like that kind of fall on me, don't you think?"
His eyes burned into her. "That isn't it. I—"
Something seized her heart, and she shook her head vigorously, pulling her elbow out of his grip. "I don't want to talk about it."
Frustration in his tone. "You—"
"I was meddling, I know. And yes, I know you don't think it's my business." It got harder to speak with the way her throat was beginning to plug. "And I'm so sorry that it's such an annoyance to you, but I'll do my best not to bite the next time something comes around."
"Stop interrupting me. I—"
"Ivy-san."
Zero's aura seemed to flare and then darken dramatically, but the Tashiro felt something like relief wash through her at the familiar voice, at the calming presence. She'd noticed his lingering scent in her room when she'd woken up a few days ago, but hadn't been able to seek him out to thank him. Kaito had told her he'd been the one to find her.
"Kenta," she greeted, whirling around to face him. An almost delirious laugh escaped her. "Hi! How are you?"
"I'm OK," he answered. "Are you sure you've recovered enough to be leaving again?"
"Yes," she beamed, even though it was a little white lie. She still felt a little under the weather, not in emotional or mental terms, but physically. But it was just a tad. "Thank you for everything you've done. I'm sorry that you had to do it; I'm sure it was difficult and unpleasant."
His answer was surprisingly teasing. "Just a little."
The Night Class student took a moment to direct her concern over at the silver-haired hunter, who seemed torn between trying to freeze hell over and trying to crawl into purgatory. He stilled when she'd turned towards him, and even though she couldn't see him, she knew that he was scowling. His face would have I don't want to talk about it stamped all over his features.
So she turned back to the athlete in front of her and asked, "What's up?"
There was a splash of something in his tone that she couldn't quite place, but he didn't stutter even once as he said, "I need to talk to you about something."
"Right now?" The words left her in surprise, and she realized how bad that sounded. Hastily, she corrected, "Sorry, that probably sounded so rude, but what I meant was that Zero and I were just about to head to town for our, um, business, and—"
"It's important," he interrupted quietly.
Straight away, her reply was a concerned, "Are you OK?" Her eyebrows pulled together over her bandages. From what she could sense, nothing was physically wrong with him.
A pause, and then a tiny chuckle. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just—can we…?"
"Oh," she said. Normally, Ivy wouldn't hesitate to agree to talk with him. After all, he was the first Day Class student she'd met and befriended, the one person she knew that wasn't concerned in the world of vampires and hunters. Being with Kenta gave her a specific respite from the darkness of both the worlds she was caught between, and she would never be able to thank him enough for that. Even if he didn't know what he did for her.
But the prisoners that were back at the Association—she hadn't finished talking with all of them yet, and yesterday, she'd promised she'd be back today. There were so many of them, so many more than she'd thought. Even with Kaito's help, it would take the majority of today. And that was only if he was free to help her; from what she'd heard, he was swamped with paperwork and other assignments.
The faster that she was able to finish hearing from them, the faster she would be able to clear them. Officially.
Her mouth opened, closed. Opened again. "Um, I—"
"The car's waiting," Zero said. The hum of the car's engine buzzed lightly into her ear. "We need to go."
"Ivy-san, please."
She almost felt like she was tearing herself in half as she turned to Zero and said, "Please go on without me and tell Kaito I'm really sorry, but that I'll be late. Please let him know I'll make up for the time I missed, and I owe him one."
The lavender-eyed vampire didn't say anything.
Kenta's sigh got rid of the tension she'd sensed in his body. His hand, calloused and warm, came to grip lightly onto her wrist to guide her. He pulled her slightly as he began to back away slowly. "Thank you."
"Thanks so much, Zero. Take care on your way." Her feet placed themselves in front of one another as she followed Kenta, but she tried to flash Zero a bright smile before she turned around. And she knew her imagination was playing tricks on her, trying to play on her previous aches, because she could almost feel the wind-embodied brush of his fingers on her spare wrist.
Almost as if he wanted her to stay.
She almost laughed at the thought.
Nothing was said as Kenta pulled her around, making sure to manoeuvre her carefully so that she didn't crash into anything, didn't trip on anything. She had a vague idea of where he was taking her, and when he pushed open the doors to a building, the smell of wax coating the floor and rubber everywhere, she wondered where the other sports teams were. The gym was usually occupied in the early mornings for practice.
He shut the door behind them, the sound echoing through the spacious, vacant room.
When the silence dragged on, the only sound their breaths and their heartbeats pulsing incredibly off sync with one another, she tilted her head and prompted, "Kenta?"
A jolt, as if she'd electrified him. His hand automatically clenched tighter around her wrist. "O-Oh. Right. Sorry, I just…"
"What's wrong?" she asked with a little laugh, recognizing the note of nervousness that was so distinctly Kenta.
It took him a moment. "You—you looked distressed."
That was not what she'd been expecting. Confusion marred her tone as she asked, "I did? When?"
"Before. With Kiriyuu."
"... Oh." She didn't know what to say. Had that been what was on her expression? She hadn't exactly felt distressed, so much as she did cornered. Although, she supposed, that could cause one to feel distress. A small smile as she said, "We were just disagreeing about something."
A deep breath. "Is it about the way he treats you?"
"Excuse me?" She was taken completely aback by his words. Where in the world was he even coming from? Ivy shook her head and said, "Wait, Kenta, why are you trying to talk about me? We're supposed to be talking about you."
"I… What I wanted to talk to you about—it—it was this."
"What?" Bewildered, her heart stuttering a bit in her chest, she asked, "Why? I mean, I don't—there's nothing—there's nothing to talk about." It sounded more like a question as she faced him, feeling his eyes pierce into her own bandaged ones.
Kenta shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ivy-san, but I can't accept that answer." A pause. "That day, wasn't he supposed to be looking after you? Instead, I found you unconscious under a tree, looking like—" another rough shake of the head.
Silence.
Why did everyone want to keep bringing up that day? The young hunter wanted to do everything but talk about that day. It was something she wanted to avoid, and yet everywhere she turned, it was like a mist that hung over everyone she knew. Kaito, Kaien, even Yagari had worriedly tried to touch upon the subject, and every time, all she wanted to do was erase it from everyone's minds.
She didn't want everyone reminding her of her heartbreak.
"He isn't my babysitter, Kenta," she replied quietly. Why was it that everyone seemed to be blaming him, too? She didn't. Never once had she thought that there was something wrong with what he'd done, or what he didn't do. It just happened the way it happened; the cards landed where they may, and it just so happened that she hadn't taken care of herself the way she should've. It was her body, and so therefore it was her own responsibility.
Why did everyone seem to make it about someone else?
And she knew. She knew it was because they cared, and that was why they did what they did. But there was something that they seemed to not understand, something that they were waiting for, but wouldn't get.
Not yet.
She couldn't break yet.
"I know," Kenta answered, tone just as hushed. "But—"
"There is no but," she cut him off gently. Her small laugh matched her tone as she said, "Thank you so much for worrying about me, Kenta. I know you're looking out for me. What happened that day… It wasn't his fault. I can take care of myself."
The dubiousness was felt in every word as he mumbled, "I'm not so sure about that."
"OK, well, I mean, that isn't the best example," she admitted. "But either way, Zero isn't meant to protect me like some knight in shining armour."
He wasn't hers. He was Yuuki's.
"Why?" It was spoken so softly, just a breath.
She tilted her head in puzzlement. "Why what?"
"Why do you always defend him?"
"Because he rarely does wrong."
"Is that really all there is to it?"
Inside of her chest, her heart thumped hard. He was implying something that she'd only recently discovered of herself, and she wasn't sure where to go with this conversation. "Kenta—"
"I don't understand." A pause. "You stand by him, even if it hurts you. Why?"
Too many emotions, too many thoughts. Something constricted inside her heart, something brought sadness back to her in chains. "Sometimes that's the way it goes."
More head shaking. His voice, when he spoke, was fierce. His hand tightened. "It can't be."
"It doesn't really work like that," she told him with a chuckle.
Kenta took a deep breath, sighed heavily. His hand loosened around her wrist slowly before his fingers broke apart, letting it slip by. Their hands fell back to their sides. His voice was so quiet. "You have so many people who care about you, Ivy-san."
"I know," she nearly choked. She hadn't before, but she did now. "And I can never tell everyone how much I appreciate it, but caring about me… It doesn't mean fighting my battles for me."
There was almost a wry note in his voice. "Is that what this is? A battle?"
She thought about it for a moment, before her words spoken to Yuuki floated through her mind. It wasn't, not with her. It couldn't be, not when Ivy lost before the game started. And it would never be a battle with Zero, because the moment she'd left a piece of her heart with him all those years ago, she'd already surrendered.
But she was always fighting, always trying not to catch her last breath.
She fought her demons every second of every day, and she was still alive, and for now, that was enough.
"Yes," she answered, laughing a bit under her words. Her lips curled up a bit as she regarded the person in front of her. He would never know that about her, and she would never tell him. So she said, reflecting the analogy back onto their previous topic, "Nobody seems to really see this about him the way I do, but… he is truly one of the most brilliant people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. If only people could see him the way that I do: when he isn't donning armour."
There was silence for a couple of moments before Kenta spoke. He spoke clearly, but gently, and yet there was something like resignation in his voice. "And you think he's worth it."
White teeth flashed, followed by a somewhat shy, "Yes."
"And—" he paused, swallowed. This time, it was hesitance. Hardened hesitance, as if he was bracing himself for something that he didn't necessarily want to hear. "And you can't imagine yourself finding another just as worth it?"
Someone else who would mean the same to her as Zero did? Another who would make her feel the same way?
It was somehow unfathomable.
A small laugh, and she tucked her longer strands of hair behind her ear. "Kenta, everyone is different."
Careful. "... You're telling me no."
She smiled. "Not in the way he is."
Cheryl sat in an armchair, legs crossed and arms folded across her chest. She was releasing extremely unhappy vibes, her narrowed eyes burning into the back of Ivy's head. "It's that damn engagement party that's making you look like shit, isn't it?"
"I look like I always do," was what Ivy said, not looking away from the bookshelf she was facing. She had no idea what was on that shelf, but when she ran her fingers along the spines, she could almost tell what each book might contain.
"Is that what you keep telling yourself?" Lydia asked, the roll of her eyes heard in her tone.
"It clearly bothers you," Al commented, his tone neutral rather than antagonistic. "Do you want to talk about it at all?"
She sighed in response, leaning forward to press her forehead against the shelf of books. She wasn't sure why everyone kept asking her if she was OK, and it wasn't as if she didn't appreciate their concern, but she didn't know what to say. "There isn't really anything to talk about. Kaname and Yuuki are getting married at some point, and they're celebrating the official engagement. That's the story, plain and simple."
"Cut the bullshit," Nao said flatly, making her tense immediately. "You're upset for Kiriyuu."
The silence on her end spoke volumes.
A collective sigh escaped everyone.
"Did you at least raise hell?" Lydia asked wryly, an expectant tone in her voice.
"… No," Ivy murmured, sighing. She turned to face the four of them. "I was angry and frustrated when I first found out. I was so frustrated. I was confused, too. I just—more so than angry, I think I'm just so sad." She spoke softly, almost like she was trying to keep someone asleep. "It must hurt him so much. How can that possibly feel? To know that your beloved is halfway in love with you, and yet chose someone else? He deserves to be happy, but it's—there's just—"
"It isn't your business, Ivy." Nao didn't beat around the bush, didn't try to offer words of comfort that she didn't think she needed. He was ruthlessly blunt. "They're adults. Let them deal with it themselves."
"Have you talked to Zero about it?" There was a knowing, and slightly accusatory tone, in Al's voice.
Slowly, Ivy shook her head. "What am I going to ask him? If he's dying inside because the woman he loves chose another man and is marrying him in three months?"
"No, just ask him how he feels." Al shrugged.
"I don't think I can," Ivy muttered, carefully making her way around the room. She wasn't familiar with this particular space, and despite having heightened senses and a keen awareness of her surroundings, she didn't want to take her chances with crashing into anything. She felt her friends shift around her, felt Al's hand brush against her elbow in guidance and help her fall onto the couch between him and Nao.
Cheryl snorted. "Why not? I'm pretty sure asking him how he feels is a pretty damn good place to start when it comes to, you know, his feelings."
It took Ivy a moment to respond, to gather all her scattered thoughts and put them into a coherent one. In the end, nothing she could come up with could fully explain anything, and she ended up confessing for the second time, "Because I'm in love with him."
And that told everyone everything they needed to know.
It was well after dinnertime when she entered the Dawn Dorms, shopping bags in her hands. After that confession in which nobody seemed surprised about—Cheryl and Lydia nearly slapped her for not realizing it earlier—they took a few moments to talk a bit more, but it was like that explanation was enough. Somehow, that conversation transitioned into the engagement party itself.
There would actually be two separate celebrations; one would be held within Cross Academy with the students, whereas the other one—the one with the vampire community—would be held in one of the Kuran mansions in some remote area. It had unnerved the hunters at first, to hear about a congregation of so many vampires in one place, and after some negotiations about it, she'd heard that they'd concluded to add a reinforcement of their co-existence as part of the celebration. That was why certain hunters were going to be there.
When Yagari had first told her that, she'd burst out laughing because the pretence they put up was transparent. Everyone already knew that the engagement of the Kurans was what they were meant to celebrate, and that the idea of commemorating their continuous co-existence was an excuse to monitor the gathering, just out of precaution. Apparently, they were calling it a ball. Despite it being a fortification of their communities, only a handful of hunters would be present. The ones who were going couldn't have malicious sentiments, which basically meant it would be EX5, the five of them at the Academy, and her family.
That immediately prompted Cheryl to interrogate Ivy about what she would be wearing. She hadn't even thought about it, and the thought of going dress shopping seemed absolutely absurd considering the fact that she couldn't see, but Cheryl and Lydia were adamant to help her get everything ready. They dragged her out onto the streets, forcing her to enter numerous stores and helped her try on numerous articles of clothing. The two feisty hunters had insisted she would love whatever was picked out for her, and to trust them.
Basically, Ivy didn't have a choice.
So she found herself with far too many things—they had even made her buy things unrelated to that party—and physically exhausted. She was struggling to get through the kitchen doorway when she realized she wasn't alone.
He took the bags out of her hands, setting them down at the end of the island. "This all for the party?" he asked, nothing in his voice giving him away.
"Not all of it," she answered quietly. She made her way over to the fridge, almost holding her breath because this was one of those times that his blood sang to her. "Thank you for helping me out there. I'm surprised you're here. You're usually in the den doing work or carrying out prefect duties."
Zero didn't say anything about that, deciding to remain silent. It wasn't a comfortable hush, though. She felt him staring holes into her back, felt an odd tension in the air that made her want to get out of there as soon as possible. The middle Tashiro child couldn't help but wonder if he felt it too—was it just her? Was it because she now knew she was hopelessly in love with him and didn't know what to do? Was it because she now felt that burn in her throat that reminded her of everything she felt for him?
Maybe it was because being around him hurt more than it usually did, and now she finally allowed herself to embrace why.
When she turned to face him after retrieving an apple from the fridge, he spoke. "Did someone take you back?"
"Yeah," she answered, smiling at him. It wasn't the same smile she'd always given him. Even she could tell it was different. "Nao was the one who accompanied me back." She paused for a moment, debating whether or not she wanted to say more. If everything had been normal, she'd be talking away about her day, asking him about his, just relishing in his company. So she tried to be normal. "How was your day?"
He didn't answer her. "What's wrong?"
"Excuse me?" she asked, surprised.
A heartbeat, two, three. Four tripping over into five.
"Nothing," he sighed, shaking his head. She was aware of him pushing himself off the island counter, picking up her bags and heading towards the stairs. Before she could say anything, he murmured a nearly silent, "Good night," before disappearing.
Her heart trailed behind him, calling his name.
She didn't follow after him.
Ivy sat on the barstool at the kitchen island, the notebooks they'd used to collect the information of all the prisoners' names and personal histories resting in front of her. There had been so many people in there, all with so much to say, that Kaito and Ivy hadn't been able to listen to even a quarter of them that first day. Ivy made her way back the following days, with Kaito accompanying her whenever he could.
She had finally gotten to talk to everyone by the end of the day on Friday. And when she embarked on this task, determined to get it done as soon as possible, she hadn't remembered she couldn't actually read the official files kept at the Association currently. She still had a handful of days before she would be able to see again, and there was absolutely no way that she would let Kaito take on the task. It had been something she wanted to do, and besides, he was already as busy as he could be with his own duties.
Frustrated at herself for not thinking things through—she had just started, and now she was forced into a standstill—she ran a hand through her hair and brushed her fingers across the pages, feeling the bumps of her writing along the paper. She couldn't feel them well enough to read what was on the paper, but she took comfort in knowing she'd written down what they had to say, had captured some parts of their stories down on a page.
Ivy was just about to gather the notebooks into her arms and head back up to her room when the door to the dorms were flung open, a cheerful voice singing her name. Surprised, she turned to face the entrance to the kitchen as Kaien pranced into the room, followed by two familiar scents and presences.
"Good morning?" Her greeting came out in a confused question. She lifted a hand up, giving a small, pathetic wave. Her eyebrows pulled together.
"My beloved daughter!" Kaien threw his arms around her, nuzzling her head with his own. His grip was firm, his body cool from the spring air outside. "I was in for a lovely surprise this morning when these two came into my office and declared they wanted to take you into town!"
"They—I—It's not like I'm not really happy to see you guys and spend time with you two, but what's with the suddenness of it all?" She turned her head towards the two of her former students, and despite not being able to see them, she could still tell they were exchanging a look.
"We never celebrated," Sora explained.
"Out of all the people that took the examinations, we were the only people under sixteen to pass, and advance into the next real-time training," Daiki said, sounding pleased, but humbled. "We wanted to celebrate earlier, but, uh, things… you know… happened." He ended his sentence awkwardly, uncomfortably. She knew that it was for her sake that he was being so vague and calm about it—by now, essentially everyone that was remotely close to her and her family had known about the event, and needless to say, she knew both her students had tempers.
"Oh," she said, stunned. She was surprised they still wanted to celebrate that occasion, even though it had been a while already since it occurred. Nonetheless, she truly was happy to see them, and she found herself smiling as she asked, "What did you guys have in mind?"
"Let's go for lunch. I went to this place with my parents a while back and the food was so good," Daiki suggested eagerly. "I can't wait to try everything on the menu."
Laughing, Ivy nodded her head. "OK, OK, just let me change first." She manoeuvred herself out of Kaien's hug, grinning at his dramatic wail, and began to quickly gather her things. In her haste, she accidentally knocked one of her notebooks against the vase that sat in the center of the island, and she let out a distressed gasp as she tried to keep it from toppling over.
Thankfully, she managed to steady it before it broke. "Thank the lords," she murmured, releasing a breath.
"Quick reflexes," Sora commented.
Daiki, on the other hand, said, "Did you arrange that? It looks nice."
"Thank you!" she beamed at him, letting her fingers brush along the edges of some petals before gathering her notebooks more carefully. "I didn't arrange it, though. I got it from a good friend during White Day as a thank you. I've been trying really hard to take good care of them, but it's been a little while. I think they're going to wilt soon."
There was a pause. "You got... flowers for White Day?"
Before she could reply, Kaien threw his arm around her shoulders again and answered enthusiastically for her. "Yes, dear Daiki-kun! You should have seen it; our lovely Ivy-chan had a pile of chocolates and flowers and little gifts waiting for her on the steps of the dorms from her admirers that day! Even the cute Day Class girls came and asked me to drop small tokens off! I'm so proud of you!" He squeezed her to him affectionately.
It had been a surprise when, a week ago, Kaito came into the kitchen grumbling under his breath. He'd dumped all the chocolates and gifts that had overflowed along the Dawn Dorms' porch onto the kitchen island, telling her they were for her. Although she was grateful for all the presents and affection, she felt guilty for all the money spent on her for no apparent reason. She was reminded of that talk with Nadeshiko, back in the cover of the trees, and she had felt something weighing in her chest the entire day.
The flowers that sat in the vase were from Kenta, and because none of the males she lived with knew anything about flowers, she'd asked them to take a photo of them for her to look at later. She knew it was a decently sized bouquet, and though she could differentiate flowers by their looks, she wasn't knowledgeable enough to do so by the feel or scent.
Squeezing Kaien back lightly before detaching herself, she smiled at them and said, "I'll be right back!" before bounding out of the room and up the stairs. She carefully placed her notebooks on her desk before heading over to her closet. She grabbed at clothes randomly, recalling the feel and textures of certain articles, and then slipped into them. She wasn't sure how she looked, but she was sure that if she looked ridiculous, someone would tell her.
She went back over to her desk and groped around for a small pad of paper, feeling for a pen so she could scrawl a note to the crew. When she finished, she ripped the piece off and grabbed a black purse that held all her necessities in it before making her way down the stairs. She heard traces of soft murmuring as she descended, but they stopped as she got closer. It was suspicious, but she decided not to comment on it.
Instead of sending them off dramatically in a way that only Kaien knew how, he was solemn. "Take care of each other. Sora-kun, Daiki-kun, even though you two aren't official full-fledged hunters yet, I need you boys to look after Ivy-chan in case anything happens. Kiriyuu-kun has work to do at Headquarters, so if you need him, you know where to go."
"I can take care of myself, Kaien." There was absolutely no way that she would be allowing any situation to require the silver-haired hunter leaving the Association. Two weeks had passed since that day he'd seemed to have overheard the conversation with Yuuki, but neither one of them had actually talked about it. Neither of them seemed to know what to do. It was because of that awkwardness and uncertainty between them now that she didn't want to trouble him with anything, least of all saving her ass.
"You can't see," Daiki almost hissed at her.
Sora ignored what she said altogether. "Yeah, we know."
"Good. Have a safe trip, you three. I expect her back before nine o'clock," Kaien added the last part in with a sing-song voice, switching back to his exaggerated persona.
"Will do," Sora answered before turning around and heading for the door. Daiki and Ivy followed, though she made sure to wave at the Chairman before leaving. They put on their shoes easily, and began trekking to where the taxi was already waiting for them.
"Have you guys started real training yet?" she asked curiously.
"A week and a half ago," Sora answered.
"It's a lot harder than I thought," Daiki admitted. "I thought it would be similar to the training camp that you guys held for us, but... It's pretty different."
Laughing a bit, she nodded. "I remember being surprised at the discrepancy between the two. Like all things, it gets easier the more you do it."
"When were you officially recognized as a full hunter?"
"I think it was a year and a half ago?" It came out sounding like a question, and she hummed thoughtfully as her eyebrows pulled together in thought. "I'm not too sure, to be honest. I was supposed to take the final test when I was fifteen, but that... didn't happen. For the obvious reasons."
"... They haven't come back," Sora said, after a pause in the conversation. His tone was glacial. "They know what's waiting for them if they come back."
Softly, she reached out to touch his shoulder. He didn't falter in his footsteps, but she felt him tense under her fingertips. "You shouldn't be thinking about that sort of thing."
"How can we not?" Daiki gritted out.
"Too late," Sora said flatly.
And because she didn't know what to say to that, she remained silent. There was nothing to be said—she couldn't even protest against it because everyone knew it was true. Ivy knew that it wouldn't matter how many rules or laws she broke; one day, regardless of how close or far that day was, she would witness the last breaths of her grandparents by her own hands.
How easily the thoughts came to her, lacking in both guilt and remorse, terrified her.
The taxi ride was quiet, all three of them lost in their own thoughts. It was the first time they'd seen her since her imprisonment, so she wasn't surprised at their need to fully let it sink in. It was different to hear one thing and comprehend it, and to actually see the result of something and comprehend it.
So Ivy lost herself in her own thoughts. The engagement party—the one at Cross Academy with both Classes, with the insistence of Kaien—would be held in a week. Her eyes were supposed to be completely healed by then, but she'd been told they'd be extremely sensitive when she first started using them once more. She was also meant to be fairly disorientated, but she figured she should be OK to attend the celebration regardless. It wouldn't matter too much if she had to take a moment or two to recompose herself at the party held at the Academy, since the threat of danger was minimal.
It was the party held in the isolated Kuran mansion, the one for the vampire community, that she had to worry about.
When they arrived at their destination, they climbed out of the taxi and—despite their protests—she paid for the fee. She found it so sweet that they wanted to pay for her, and though she didn't want to demean them, it just made more sense for her to pay. They were young adolescents that weren't paid for their work, whereas she'd done nothing but work for the past year and a half.
The restaurant they entered was bustling, if the noise level and amount of scents meant anything. However, it was like Daiki and Sora had planned this beforehand, as they had reserved a table for three. The chattering dimmed slightly as they led her further into the restaurant, their grip on her shoulders and wrists firm to make sure she didn't crash into tables or waitresses and waiters.
It was scary to be in an entirely new place. She hadn't needed to be so carefully manoeuvred in so long.
"I can't read the menu," she reminded them once they seated themselves.
"What do you like?"
"I like a lot of things," she said with a laugh. "Will you order me whatever you think is good?"
"I'll try," Daiki muttered, sounding just a bit stressed. "Do you like rice?"
"Yes."
"How about noodles?"
"Mhm."
"Do you like green peppers at all?"
"I'm fine with them."
"Are you into spicy food?"
"Daiki." She rested her elbows on the tabletop and leaned closer to where he was. Amused laughter weaved itself into her voice. "I'm just going to be happy to eat. There honestly aren't many things I won't like."
He let out a long sigh. "Right. OK. I can do this."
"You're ordering food, not duelling for it," Sora pointed out, though a hint of entertainment betrayed his usual indifference. When she turned to face him, silently questioning, he said, "I'm getting the wraps."
"Yum," she grinned. "Do you guys have anything else you want to do while we're in town? Shops to go to, people to visit?"
Sora shook his head, since Daiki still seemed preoccupied by the menu. "No. Do you?"
"I probably wouldn't mind dessert after, but aside from that, no. My trips into town are usually for work."
"You don't need to drop in?"
"Nope." She didn't mention the fact that she wasn't up for any accidental run-ins with a certain silver-haired hunter, and that being at the Associations greatly heightened those chances.
"I've got it!" Daiki exclaimed in triumph abruptly, breaking their conversation. He'd slammed the menu down onto the table, attracting more than just a couple of stares from others in the restaurant. He flushed at the attention and at his little blunder, but it didn't deter him too much. When the waitress came by to take their order, he used numbers instead of saying the name of the dish in order to preserve the surprise.
Sora, picking up from where they'd left off before Daiki's victory cry, asked her, "How much longer for your eyes?"
A wide smile broke out along her face. "Just another week! I'm so excited."
"Just in time for the Kurans' party," he observed. She found it so weird how his thoughts were chugging along the same tracks as her own did earlier. If she didn't know any better, she would've thought he could read minds.
Instead of going down the same route as she did with her own thoughts, she inquired curiously, "Are you two present for guard duty the week and a half after the upcoming one?" Whenever the hunters talked about the gathering, it was never referred to as a simple ball. For them, they said it like they saw it: a party for the vampires, and watch obligation for the hunters.
"No, they wouldn't let us." Daiki was clearly very upset about this, his tone bitter. "I didn't expect Kiriyuu to agree with Jinmu-san."
"Jinmu's back?" The blond-haired, lilac-eyed hunter had been out on a prolonged journey, travelling from town to town and connecting with some of the other branches. He'd been away for a couple of months, and though they weren't particularly close, she admired his loyalty to his duties as a vampire hunter and to the Association. "Has he been well?"
"He's our trainer," Sora explained.
"And he can get really grouchy, but he's pretty cool for an old guy. I knew that he wouldn't vouch for us to go with you all, but I thought that Kiriyuu would be more understanding about it. He didn't even think about it. He just glanced at us and said no."
"That's because he's thinking about your safety," she said gently. Ivy had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at how typical it was of Zero to simply say no and not offer an explanation. Trust him to purposefully present himself as an ass. "The celebration will be full of aristocrats and a handful of Purebloods. You two haven't had enough experience with either of those Levels. They're... completely different from what you've encountered before. If the shoe drops, they're going to go for you two first. You two are better here, at the Association or at the Academy, than there."
"You're just trying to make us feel better," muttered Daiki.
She shook her head. "Kaien could've come with us, but he decided to stay behind. He knew that it was important to have someone at the Academy, just in case. I'm pretty sure that Jinmu will be holding down the fort at the Association, too."
"Right. Who's going to that thing, then?"
Wracking her brain for the list of supposed attendees, she listed off, "Zero, Kaito, Yagari are the obvious three that are going to be present. From what I know, Satoshi, Al, Cheryl, and Nao are coming, too. And me."
"Trance-san?" Sora asked.
Her smile dimmed. "I'm not too sure."
"I'd be pretty pissed if he got to go and we didn't," the light-eyed hunter confessed.
"He has a lot more experience, despite his age," she reminded him.
His displeased grunt was her reply, and she found herself shaking her head just a little bit. She understood the two of them well; it was never pleasant to feel like you were being left out of something significant, especially when you believed you could be of help. The only problem was that, for people who've actually encountered aristocrats or Purebloods in a combat setting, they understood the situation more clearly.
It would never be put as bluntly as this, but she knew that everyone thought it: if anything happened and a battle ensued, these two were dead. It didn't matter if they tried to run, if they tried to fight. It didn't matter how skilled they were for their age. They would be caught, they would be outnumbered, and they would be out-strategized. Without any real experience with the higher Levels, you were a sitting duck, and they would be able to smell that from a mile away.
It was in the silence of their ended conversation that the food came. When the waitress placed her dish in front of her, she nearly drooled. It smelled absolutely delicious, and the taste did not disappoint. Daiki, satisfied with her enthusiasm towards the seafood baked rice, seemed to forget about his displeasure at not being allowed to attend the second engagement party.
"Have either of you seen Lettie?" Ivy hadn't seen the bubbly blonde girl in such a long time. So much had happened since the end of the camp that, in all honesty, Ivy was surprised she even met up with Daiki and Sora at all. It was daunting and saddening to realize just how easily connections could be lost.
"She's visiting her grandparents further along the west," Daiki answered. "She left the moment the exams were done; her grandfather isn't well."
"Oh," the middle Tashiro murmured, frowning a bit. "I hope that he recovers soon. That must be so hard for her family."
"She said they've seen it coming for a while, but I guess that doesn't do much."
Her mind flashed to all those she'd lost. Ichiru. Violet. Her voice was soft as she said, "I don't think it does."
"Lettie's strong," Sora said simply, ending the conversation with the truth of his words. His eyes burned into her as he said, "She learned it from you."
Again with that. It wasn't as if she wasn't utterly flattered to be called strong, but she couldn't help but feel like she was being misplaced again. It would haunt her later on, when night fell and the world slept, this concept of her as strong. She would ponder over it, trying to understand where they saw that strength. Maybe that would help her feel it.
Instead of voicing all that aloud, she simply smiled slightly at him and said, just as she had with Nadeshiko, "Thank you." She ate another spoonful of her food, making sure to chew and swallow completely, before beaming, "This is kind of late, but congratulations on your advancement! I'm really, really proud of you guys!"
"Wow, that is really late," Daiki teased, laughing when her head snapped towards him. Though her eyes were still covered, she knew he understood she'd be playfully glaring a bit at him.
"It isn't that big of a deal," Sora shrugged off.
"It is a big deal," she protested. "You two are so young. You've started real-time training already, which means that in another two years, you'll be taking your true test." It was the minimum training duration. It was kind of tricky, their system of advancement.
Most people were born into hunter families, so they started training at a fairly young age. Things like the training camp that Ivy had helped hold earlier on were available to anyone over the age of ten, unless you were exceptionally talented. When you were ready—and almost everyone thought they were ready after taking training camp—they took the placement test, which was what her students had done. It was usually an overestimation of their own abilities, because the average age in which students passed the placement exam was fifteen.
Passing the placement exam meant real-time training nowadays. Back when her siblings and Ivy herself had been training to be hunters, they were allowed to be taken out on group exterminations and hunts even before passing the placement exam. After the incident with Shoto, however, new regulations had been placed. It was only after passing the placement exam that they were allowed to go on group hunts, which was what they meant by real-time. They learned more about the way the Association worked—which meant a lot of legal regulations and paperwork—and also how to work with charms. In order to ensure that you were well-prepared and knowledgeable in all areas, you had to keep training for two years before taking what the veterans called The Breaker.
It was the final exam, and passing it meant that you were able to do solo missions. Within the two-year period, someone that was a fully certified hunter had to be with you. So even if it wasn't a group hunt, it was a duo. Passing The Breaker meant that you would receive your own personalized insignia imprinted into your anti-vampire weapon, giving it more than just a name, but a design to match the essence of it. There was a certificate as well, and more freedom in general in terms of access to files, rooms, events, etc.
There was a reason why it was called The Breaker, though.
"You would've been certified by fifteen," Sora remarked, unimpressed with his own accomplishment. "Kiriyuu was also certified when he was fifteen. Trance-san has already been certified for two years."
"Please don't disregard your own abilities and successes because you're comparing yourself to others," she almost chided. "The worth of what you've done yourself shouldn't need to be thought of as more or less than another person. It isn't healthy. Besides, times have changed. We got a lot more hands-on experience than you guys do now."
"You're getting sappy on us," Daiki complained.
"You guys were the ones who got all self-deprecating with me," she shot back.
Teasingly, he sang, "Sora's fault."
The blue-eyed male blew out a tiny sigh. "Right. This is celebratory."
"We'll throw a party when you become certified," Ivy said, her tone almost apologetic. "So many things happened after the placement exam that we never got a chance to fully prepare something for you guys."
"We're holding that to you," Daiki grinned. "I know it might not seem like it, but I remember all these little promises."
"I don't break mine," she reassured him with a mirroring expression. She finished off her meal, grabbing a napkin to wipe off the cream sauce that had she knew had gotten on her face at some point. She threw back her water, too. And when the scent of the waitress came by, she handed a couple of bills over to her to cover their meals.
"Ivy!" Daiki nearly yelled.
"Can you stop that?" Sora demanded through clenched teeth. She could feel the agitation emitting from both of them, and it was almost comical. Daiki, she could understand that frustration from, but she pegged Sora to be a little more logical than that. It proved that he really was just a young boy and not an eighteen-year-old.
Smiling at the two of them softly, she explained, "This is celebrating your advancements, isn't it? It wouldn't make any sense if you two were the ones who treated me. Besides, it really is fine. I want you guys to save your money up to buy yourselves something as a treat to yourself; you guys probably didn't even think of it, but you deserve something as a reward for all your hard work."
"We want to treat you," Daiki said.
"I want to treat you guys too," she replied, beaming. When the waitress returned with the change, she looked up at the two and said, "I'm going to need help knowing how big of a tip to leave."
"You're helpless," Sora mumbled, swatting her hands away with his. The platter with the change on it slid further from her.
"And you were acting all tough and old just two seconds ago," Daiki tacked on, though his tone was nothing short of joking.
Raising her eyebrows, she mock-threatened, "Don't make me buy you guys dessert, too."
"We're terrified," the brunette deadpanned. He tapped her hand with his, and when she opened her palm, he gave her back her change. She smiled in thanks, putting everything back in her wallet and throwing it in her purse.
When they had gathered everything, they thanked the staff and began heading out. Once more, Sora and Daiki made sure to guide her carefully through all the tables, chairs, and people that filled the restaurant. Even after they'd exited and were making their way down the streets of town, they kept her close and guided her, something she was thankful for. Despite having been to town rather often, she wasn't familiar enough with it to wander like she could at the Academy.
There was no destination for the trio as they wandered through the streets, talking and laughing as they went. Whenever the two saw something exciting, they tried their best to describe it to her, and she appreciated their efforts to keep her included despite her lack of sight.
It was only when Daiki was preoccupied in a store he'd dragged them into—apparently they had something new in stock that he wanted to check out—that Sora sidled up to her and cut to the chase. "Something's bothering you."
Ivy raised her eyebrows at him. "Really now?"
He ignored her cheeky reply. "What is it?"
"... Everyone keeps asking me that lately," she said softly, quietly, "but my answer is always the same: nothing special. Anything and everything that's bothering me has been bothering me for a long time. It isn't anything new, and that's how I know it's something I need to work on by myself. I think it's so sweet," she laughed a bit here, "that everyone is so concerned. But I'm fine, Sora. Really. Thank you for checking in on me."
It took him a moment to respond, and when he did, he spoke casually. "Does it have anything to do with Kiriyuu?"
Sad amusement played along her mouth. "Why is it that everyone relates all my troubles to him?"
"Because." A shrug.
"That isn't an answer at all."
"You already know it."
"How does everyone else?"
"I hate to be the one to break it to you," he began, "but you aren't very discreet about it."
A soft sigh escaped her, and a tiny frown made its way onto her face. "I don't get that. Everyone says that, too—that I'm not discreet about it. But I care about everyone else just as much as I care about him. It's just that nobody ever seems to... need someone to guide them like he does."
For a moment, Sora didn't say anything. She didn't even feel his gaze on her; he seemed to be gazing out into memories she would never see.
"Hey, guys, come take a look at this!" Daiki exclaimed from where he was, just a handful of meters away from them. She knew he was holding something up, but what it was, she had no idea. She grinned at him and had just started heading towards him when Sora's grip on her elbow stopped her.
When she turned around to ask him what was wrong, his words robbed her of her voice. "It's the way you look at him."
This time, his eyes did burn into her.
He left her with those words.
x
"Sara-sama hasn't been at the Academy in over two months," Shiki repeated for the third time. He tilted his head and peered at the middle Tashiro. "Are you OK, Ivy-san?"
"I don't—yes, I'm fine, but—what do you mean by—why?" She was at a loss for words as she tried to wrap her mind around the idea that Sara had disappeared and she hadn't even known. Honestly, Ivy was so wrapped up in her own world that after the initial drama with the Pureblood, the Tashiro had completely forgotten about her. She had made herself scarce in Ivy's life, and as such, her disappearance hadn't been noticeable.
But how could she not have felt the leave of a Pureblood? How could she not realize that someone with so much power, so much destruction, had left the premise?
"Apparently she had matters to attend to on her estate."
She opened her mouth, then closed it. When she tried to speak a second time, nothing came out.
"You look like a fish when you do that," Aidou commented from where he sat in an armchair to her right.
Instead of gracing the aristocrat with a response, she buried her face in her hands and let out a long, deep sigh.
"Ivy-san," the model prompted.
"I didn't even know." Her words were muffled by her hands, and she made no move to lift her head up to speak properly. "She left the Academy and I had absolutely no idea. How up in my own head was I to not realize she'd left?"
She hadn't even questioned the lack of her presence. Ivy had just been happy that she didn't need to deal with the Pureblood—the less she saw her, the better. And yet she'd always hoped she was a good enough hunter to still be aware of what the Purebloods were doing. She had always considered herself rather observant and vigilant, but this instant seemed to prove her utterly wrong.
Ichijou's voice was kind as he reminded her, "Two months ago, you were still unconscious. She'd left before you woke up, and after you did, you were coping with a traumatic event. It's not surprising that you weren't aware."
"But I didn't even remember she existed," Ivy objected.
"You're being too hard on yourself, Ivy-chan," Ichijou murmured, shaking his head.
It was more than just being hard on herself. She felt like she'd failed as a hunter—not just by the Association's standards, but her own. It was things like this—like forgetting the existence of a Pureblood within the same area as you, like forgetting to keep tabs on them—that got people killed. When had she gotten so careless? Why had her senses slipped?
Her mind flashed to silver, and her heart beat out the rhythm of another. She almost barked out a wry laugh, because of course it always led back to him.
It was pathetic, and she knew it.
Whether or not it was how she always felt the need to fix everything with him, her frustration at the situation he found himself in with Yuuki, his feelings, or her own sentiments, he occupied her mind like nothing else would. Yes, she had suffered through a traumatic experience, and yes, there would forever be a scar in her soul that ached at the memories of what happened, but even her way of coping with that incident involved the Association President.
How weak.
There was this talk of strength within her, but she found herself so completely, utterly weak.
It needed to stop. Whatever it was with him—whatever she felt, however she felt, she knew that she needed to put an end to it. She needed him to know, because throwing her feelings into the air between them will allow the weight to lift from her chest. It'll allow her to know, and as a result, she could try to move on from something she'd dreamt of. Having a straight, clear rejection would allow her to officially accept it and try to simply view him as a brother, a comrade, a friend, a President.
She needed to know.
Running away wasn't an option anymore.
A / N:
So... It pains me how Kenta got rejected without even really outright telling Ivy, because the oblivious girl didn't even know she was rejecting him. LIKE, in her mind, Ivy thought Kenta was just trying to speak hypothetically, just like Lydia. In her mind, she never connected him asking to his actual feelings; she thought he was just looking out for her like a good friend, and it kills me.
I think it kills Kenta a bit, too. Except that he's too much of a sweetheart to try and clarify, because he already got his answer. Like he'd rather have her continue thinking what she does than confess properly and have her so awkward and confused and worried about everything. BUT STILL.
At least Sora and Daiki made an appearance... right? HAHA. And Jinmu's been mentioned; he'll be joining the crew of hunters shortly! I don't know how many of you guys remember him, because I sure as hell didn't. I only realized he was a character after I searched the VK universe of hunters up LOL.
GET READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER THOUGH, GUISE? It's gonna be a long one, I can already feel it. LOL. LONGER THAN USUAL.
LOTS OF LOVE AND THANKS TO;
lizy2000, Momochan77, ghost queen, R. Firefly, kalmaegi, Tokine8696, annoyingraddish, sirenmergirl, ByaDai, charlene171990, Princesa de la Luna, Guest21 / FlowerGirl 21, XxAnnax3, Silver White Rain, Guest, xxFangirlingduck, and guest
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a little comment of joy!
Also, much appreciation to those who favourited and alerted! (:
And now, RESPONSES, LEGGO!
To R. Firefly;
It's actually kind of funny, in a weird way, because Ivy had confronted Zero earlier on in this story regarding the same thing, except when it came to Yuuki. It's like he's been told this shit TWICE, so he better get it together this time around. HAHA.
I'm glad you think so! I actually worry all the time about keeping Yuuki in character, because even though she's the main protagonist of the original VK, I find it hard to grasp her. It's hard to explain, because she's been there the entire time, but she's so... I don't know. I can't describe it. But I struggle with her all the time, and I think that a part of it does have to do with the fact that I hate her, but I'm not sure that's the only reason. I MAKE A POINT to not have her seem like an evil, bitchy enemy and constantly bash her, because I've heard of all those stories before LOL. It never really made sense to me that people did that, and that's why I try my best to keep her in character, despite my sentiments. I'm SO HAPPY that you love my characterization of her! (:
Hmm... About Ivy... Someone kind of asked the same question before. I'm not really sure if it was just regarding Ivy or if it was Heterochromia in general, but I don't really want to give a full answer until the very end of the story. However, the reply that I gave at the time, although vague as hell, is still accurate: it's based off everything that could have been. I KNOW, it's such an ambiguous answer, but if anything, I'll make sure to clear it up at the very end, and by then, I hope that most of you will get what I mean HAHAHA.
RIGHT? I AGREE WITH YOU. Ten thousand percent AGREED. I just can't personally comprehend it. It blows my mind a bit. I just—did Aidou as well, because—and—OK, no, I'm not getting into it. Everyone knows how I feel about Yuuki, so we're so done with that. LOL. Let's just say that I'm very unimpressed with her and the way it went down. I actually kind of hate Zero, because I feel like he's such a dumbass sometimes. HNNG.
ANYWAY, thank you so much for continuing to follow my work and for being so wonderful! I don't always hear from you, but I love it when I do, and I hope that you'll be with me until the end! I also hope you enjoyed the latest chapter, love! (:
To Tokine8696;
LOLOLOL. REALLY? Better thank the lords I updated fast, eh? HAHAHA.
Thank you for your constant encouragement hnng. JUST A LITTLE MORE, YEAH? Although I'm beginning to fear for my writing ability in first person. Asdfghjkl.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm waiting for Zero to say those words more than Ivy LOL. LIKE BETWEEN THE TWO, ZERO IS CLEARLY DENSER. So y'know. BUT YEAH, TO YUUKI! I had actually planned her first admission of her feelings to be heard by Yuuki from the very, very beginning of the story. Like from the start of Heterochromia, I had that particular scene envisioned, just like the thing with The Silent Room. And it's so damn satisfying to have finally written down and produced a scenario that I'd envisioned for so long. HNNG.
LOL. Isn't it funny how his mind just can't fully comprehend what he might be feeling? It's like his mind rewires itself every time he comes close to realizing his own emotions. It's so frustrating, but it also amuses me how he tries to run from something so clearly there. I think the way he stayed silent during Kenta's confrontation says so much about how Zero felt about himself for leaving her, and ugh. The way Zero walked away from a fight with Kaname was one of the most monumental moments in that chapter, I think. Because damn, that character development.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm actually so, so, SO happy that you love that scene, because I love that scene! While all scenes had a function and did something, there's something about that scene that hits a soft spot for me. It was just such a softly empowering scene. I think, like you, it made me even more fond of Ivy than before, which is kind of insane since I love her to death. LOL Thank you for appreciating it that much!
I always need to thank YOU for being so supportive and encouraging and just all around wonderful! HAHA. You've been with me for so long, and I'm so incredibly grateful that you haven't left me yet. You're so great, and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for all that you've done for me, too! I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter, you amazing human bean! (:
To sirenmergirl;
SHE DID. And she admitted it again in this chapter, my lord. LOL. Nope, no inner struggle at all for her when it came to admitting it. HAHA. You didn't miss it! There was no epiphany for her, not really. Like... She's always felt something different when with Zero, she just didn't really know what that emotion was. She didn't think a lot about it, either, because it's Ivy. So I guess what made her realize that she's actually in love with him was the fact that she wanted to drink from him. And realizing she's in love with him doesn't really surprise her? It just kind of made sense to her. It brought a sense of contentment in knowing how she felt, rather than being in that somewhat lost state that she'd been in, where she didn't know exactly what she felt.
It's funny, because even if he stayed, Ivy would've told him to go after Yuuki. Because, once again, it's Ivy. She would've insisted for him to go, and the same result would've happened. But if he truly and adamantly pretended like nothing happened, your guess is right—Ivy would've just gotten so hella mad. So no matter what the situation, it's a lose-lose.
HAHA, don't be too hard on Zero! He tries to offer some sort of explanation, but as you can tell from this chapter, Ivy just doesn't want to hear what she thinks he has to say. Every single time he tries to bring it up, she shuts him down, and it leaves him so lost. He doesn't know what to do except leave it as it is. Ivy's usually so open about everything that when she clams up like that and her walls go up, he's too taken aback to know what to do. It hasn't happened often enough for him to know how to deal with her like that yet. It's kind of cute, in a... bad way? LOL.
THIS CHAPTER FOR KENTA, THOUGH. Like... the boy was rejected and Ivy didn't even know she was rejecting him. I DON'T EVEN KNOW—it hurt me to write it. It really did. Because Ivy still didn't know that Kenta was asking because of his own personal feelings; she thought he was just trying to look out for her by saying "there are other fish in the sea" and like. Ugh. Just the entire thing. It hurts me a bit, because he totally knows that he can't win.
Thank you so much for being so magnificent all the time! You know that I love to hear from you! I just wanted to let you know again that I appreciate you, love, and that I hope you enjoyed this latest update! (x
To ByaDai;
UGH, THAT PRAISE. It's such a high one. I'm always hesitant to accept compliments like that, but thank you very much for believing that. I do what I can. HAHA.
I'm incredibly glad that you're loving it! It makes me so happy to hear that, because obviously this is such a slow-burn, and my stories are typically so long. LOL. I know it can be frustrating, so I'm glad you're not put off by those things!
YES. The development between them over the course of all these chapters is so... heartwarming. Like, to see where they were and where they are now, it makes me grin. I love how you noticed that about him: how he's allowed himself to be a bit more vulnerable after spending time with her family. It's true, because they kind of... filled a part of him that he didn't know he needed to be filled? Like, they gave him something that he'd unknowingly been missing. And that changed something in him, for sure.
WOW, have you really?! LOL. I mean, I have to say that Heterochromia is probably my best thought-out story, so I hope tha hasn't disappointed you. Hnng. Thank you for loving this so much that you'd give that one a try. I hope that neither will, or have, disappointed. HNNG.
Thank you so much for taking your time to give this story a chance, and I hope you stick around until the end of this journey! I also hope you've enjoyed this latest chapter of Heterochromia! ;D
To FlowerGirl 21;
LOL, you didn't have to go and trouble yourself with submitting another review, but thank you for being so sweet and thoughtful! (:
TRUST ME, love, Zero is definitely suffering for what he did—or, well, didn't do—when it came to that day. The amount of internal struggle he's dealing with is so real. HAHA.
Also, that compliment—it's way too much. I can't. LOL. THANK YOU for giving me such a high praise! I don't think I can fully accept it, since Zero isn't my creation, but I'm so, SO happy that you enjoy my interpretation of him so much! (x
The conversation between Zero and Yuuki is a mystery to us as of now, but keep in mind that it was raining. So let's say that even if Zero had tried to look for Ivy, her scent would just be drowned out by the rain, and with how big Cross Academy is... Let's just say he wouldn't have any luck. LOL. And when it comes to talking to her about what actually went down, as you can tell from this chapter, Ivy isn't really willing to listen. SOO, y'know. Zero's kind of at a loss. HAHA.
Thank you for being so lovely and for telling me your thoughts! I appreciate it so much. I hope that you enjoyed this latest chapter! (:
To XxAnnax3;
HELLO! LOL. Please don't apologize for something like that! It isn't something that I hate or anything, it's just that I really truly feel as though there's something more personable about leaving something other than "Guest." It definitely isn't something you need to apologize for! But thank you for being so sweet and considerate about it, sweetheart. (:
I'm glad you liked the faster update, because here's another one! LOL. TA-DA! The fruitful result of not having to labour over exams and mountains of schoolwork every day! I hope this brightened your day, even a little. HAHA.
Most people seem to be pretty done with Trance, so I'm glad that you still enjoyed that scene with him. LOL. EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE UNFORGIVING, I'm actually kind of scared to write about him and his relationship with Ivy now. I feel like nothing I write will justify anything and that scares me a bit HNNG.
As I'm sure you've read in this chapter, Zero tried! Don't be too hard on him. Zero really does attempt to have that conversation with her to clear the air, but she shuts him down before he can even get a word out, or she avoids him like the plague. She's usually so open to everything that having her immediately run his words into the ground is shocking to him. He doesn't really know how to deal with it except to leave it. So that's what he does LOL.
Thank you so much for surrendering your time to read my work, and I hope that you enjoyed this quick ( at least for me ) update! LOL (:
To xxFangirlingduck;
LOOOL, THAT'S WHY YOUR COMMENT IS LATE?! DUDE. Do you have any idea what I was thinking? You're usually so quick to read and send me your thoughts that I thought that 1. You were either injured, or 2. You didn't get a notification. I was like ASDFGGJKL? I didn't know what happened, but I'm so glad that you're OK HAHAHA.
I'm not sure how many people know this about me, but... I ACTUALLY LOVE KANAME? LOL. Like, admittedly, I don't remember or understand half of the shit that was happening in the original VK manga, but I don't hate him. At all. And I refuse to reread that manga to fully go over what he'd done and why he did the shit that he did, but yeah. I actually adore him. Which is why I find it SO funny that you like him supposedly roasting Zero, because in my head, he wasn't even saying it to be mean. LOOOOL. LIKE HE WAS JUST WONDERING ALOUD HONESTLY? It made me laugh.
YES! Nadeshiko is so cute. I mean, I don't imagine her to actually be Zero's romantic partner ( because I made Ivy and, well, I'm hella biased LOL ) but she definitely had some moments that made me love her. I'm happy that she's finally in this story! I hope I captured her decently LOL.
AHAHAHHAHA LOLOLOL. I love your choice of words and the way you say things. I always laugh. "DRAAAAG HIM"? LOL. I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? It's great. Ohmygod. I love it. I love you. LOL. But YAAAS. That line by Kenta, where he calls Zero on his shit, is probably one of my favourite dialogues. I just. There were some parts of that scene in which I wrote things and I was like "wow, I strung together words to make something like that?" and it astounds me. HNNG.
... So, it's... It's kind of funny how you mentioned that specific tsundere, because I've been thinking about, Y'KNOW... writingsomethingforhimtoobecauseIactuallylovehim. As in, you know. I'veactuallyconsideredit. BUT ANYWAY, moving on—LOL.
You're so had on Zero! LOL. MOST PEOPLE HAVE BEEN. I feel so bad, because it's not his fault! The rain washed away her scent, and so finding her was nearly impossible. The campus for Cross Academy is huge, and we don't know exactly when he finished his chat with Yuuki. For all we know, it could've been an hour and a half long. By then, it would've been too late. The thing is, Zero trusts Ivy to know better. Because he doesn't understand just what leaving her for Yuuki really meant to her. So like, he didn't really get why she wouldn't be OK? It made sense in his mind, before Kenta appeared with her, that she would just be off doing her own thing, perfectly fine. And as for not talking to her about it, as I'm sure you've read in this chapter, she shuts him down before he even gets five words out. LOL. She doesn't want to talk about it, and she's usually so open about things, that her closing the conversation before it starts is shocking to him. He's so taken aback that he doesn't know what to do except to leave it. So that's what he does. SO DON'T BE TOO HARD ON HIM HNNG.
WOW THE HATE IS SO REAL? LOL. I'm beginning to think you might hate her more than I hate her, and that's kind of a feat. Because I really hate her. LOL. ISN'T IT SUCH A YUUKI THING, THOUGH? I don't know, I tried my best to keep her in character. It just seemed like she couldn't deny what she had with Zero. Trust me, it killed me when I wrote it. Because I feel like Kaname deserves better. AND Zero. And ugh, it just. Yeah, I know. I feel that anger. LOL. But also think about it this way: she's getting married to Kaname in an attempt to right things. So she believes that if she fully commits herself to Kaname, her feelings for Zero will disappear and she'll be solely happy with only Kaname. Just to shed light on things. Yuuki isn't trying to make things worse; she honestly is only trying to do what she thinks is right. For her, that means ultimately being able to sever those romantic feelings for one of them, and that person just happens to be Zero. It just hasn't happened yet. She can't deny what Ivy said, because right then, it isn't true. It's something she hopes will be true. And I think that's important, too? LOL.
SORRY, SORRY! I didn't know you would take the chapter that badly! HAHAHA. I MEAN, AT LEAST YOU SAW SOME SAVING GRACE IN NADESHIKO? I truly hope this chapter was better for you, because it centers a bit less around the whole drama between them all, so... Yeah. LOL. Lord have mercy on your soul, please.
EX5 actually never find out about her being sick! It isn't something that any of the hunters at Cross Academy would broadcast to others. The only reason Trance knew it because the immediate Tashiro family had been contacted about it. So Satoshi, Lydia, and Trance—although Trance had heard from Satoshi. LOL. And because nothing bigger became of it, none of them wanted to worry EX5 by telling them. So like they never found out. HAHA.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for always being so great and funny and just amazing in general! I appreciate you so much, and am always so happy to hear from you! I hope this chapter doesn't throw you into a fit of rage, love! HAHA
END OF RESPONSES.
Phew, so many wonderful people and their amazing comments! Thank you for sending me all those thoughts and all that love; I hope I was able to return some back to you! (:
QUESTION: Since the world of the hunters wasn't really expanded on in the original VK manga, how did you personally imagine the Association system to be like?
Share with me your thoughts, whether it be through a comment or a PM! I'd love to hear from you! I feel like my interpretation of the way the Association worked and how hunters get "certified" isn't all that original, so I'm curious about your thoughts!
I will do my best to update as soon as I can in June, and I hope that you guys have a wonderful rest of your time until then, my loves! Take care of yourselves!
XOXO,
-EverlastingxSong-