The Disillusionement of the Transformers Chapter 37: Christmas Special, a transformers/beast wars fanfic

Jenny: Hiya! Welcome to the first ever...

Minions: THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

Lisa: We're all here to celebrate the magical holiday which is Christmas...through comedy!

James: Wonderful, isn't it?

Crystal: So sit back, enjoy some popcorn or whatever...

Aqua: And enjoy the TJDCA Christmas Special! Yay!

Hideki: And remember, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters which are related to The Transformers.

Sparky: But you knew that, didn't you?

Jenny: So without further ado...On to the story!

Ah, Christmas, It's the most wonderful time of the year as they say...

"ATTACK!"

...Assuming that you're not a Decepticon, that is.

"Damn it Galvatron, attacking on Christmas? This is low, even for you!" Jazz exclaimed as he used a Christmas star like a shuriken and threw it through Dirge's head, killing him.

"Hey, evil doesn't settle for simple Tuesday!" Galvatron snapped as he blew Grapple away as he leapt at him.

"Galvatron, even I agree that this is pathetic, this stoops to George Washington levels of indecency!" Cyclonus pointed out.

"I fail to see how slaughtering people on Christmas is in bad taste." Galvatron replied as he crushed Sludge's head under his foot.

"Well, neither did Washington." Cyclonus added as he half heartedly returned fire on the Autobots.

"Oh for God's sakes! This is just getting ridiculous! Technobots, combine to form...Christmas Computron!" Scattershot commanded.

At once, the other Technobots all converged on their leaders position and began to combine...Christmas Computron, who was incredibly like regular Computron, except he was wielding a finely sharpened candy cane like a sword, had two Christmas stars positioned on the top of each antennae, was wreathed in tinsel and was surrounded by several floating ornaments.

At once, Christmas Computron began smashing his way through the ranks of the Decepticons, sending Scavenger, Scrapper, Astrotrain and Reflector flying with one well timed sweep of one massive hand, before trying to crush Blot, Dirge and Soundwave...only Dirge wasn't quick enough to dodge.

"Oh for the love of God! Somebody do something!" Galvatron snapped "Menasor! Don't you have some kind of festive holiday mode, or something?"

"Well actually, we're all stuck at the Halloween phase, none of us are strong enough yet to reach our Christmas forms..." Motormaster pointed out.

"Oh, whatever, just do that!" Galvatron snapped as he threw Blurr away as he tried to tackle him.

"Uh, ok then...Stunticons, combine to form...Halloween Menasor!" Motormaster ordered somewhat half heartedly.

At once, Halloween Menasor was created, having a jack o' lantern mask covering his face, fake wings stapled to his back, claws and fangs and the ever important vorpal blade, excellent against Jabberwockies, surprisingly bad against everything else.

"PREPARE FOR ATTACK!" Menasor rumbled as he raised his sword menacingly.

"PREPARE TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED!" Computron countered as he too raised his weapon.

"We can't stand by and let this happen! Men, let us combine to create Devastator!" Mixmaster suggested.

"How? We're down by two people." Long Haul pointed out.

"Oh please, that never stopped us the last two times that's happened, why should it stop us now?" Mixmaster asked.

"I say we go on strike, pass it on." Hook whispered to Long Haul, who nodded in agreement.

"Devastator! Now!" Mixmaster suddenly shouted.

"What a man, I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth I would!" Bonecrusher murmured in what seemed to be a strange combination of admiration, respect and lust.

"PREPARE FOR A-OH GOD DAMN IT!" Devastator was horrified to notice that he had neither a left leg or a head...he was quite annoyed to say the least.

"Well if that ain't the most pathetic sight ya ever did see..." Beachcomber muttered in shock.

"Get 'em!" Outback cried as he, Bluestreak, Warpath, Tailgate, Swerve, Sideswipe and Huffer all launched themselves at the partially complete Devastator, who was promptly sent sprawling.

"Don't worry guys, I'll finish him off with my festive napalm acid mix! It's a horrific green and red swirl of pain!" Inferno shouted as he approached his comrades who were still atop Devastator.

"Wait, don't-!" A panicked Swerve cried out in horror...

...As Inferno's festive napalm acid mix blew up in his face, setting him on fire...and Dirge, who happened to get too close.

"Argh! Oh God! Oh God! It burns! Oh, the agony!" Inferno screamed as he ran around in great big flaming circles.

"Somebody put him out!" First Aid cried.

"We got it!" Grimlock shouted as he, Snarl and Slag ran up to Inferno and began to beat the hell out of him.

"Aaahh! No you idiots, no! What is wrong with you?-!" Inferno screamed.

Meanwhile, the Predacons were standing on the sidelines in shock.

"Uh...what the hell is going on here?" An astonished Divebomb asked.

"I don't know...all I know is that it's wrong on so many levels..." Kickback muttered in reply.

Finally, it hit Seaspray that he could probably put Inferno out by spraying him with water, and after putting a fair amount of slush in a bucket, he promptly threw it at the flaming and badly burnt Inferno.

"Wow..." A stunned Hauler simply said.

"Huh...Optimus, what do you make of all this?" Gears asked.

Optimus seemed to light up at this "Well, to answer that, why don't we go to Hound for everyone's favourite sketch: Just How Crazy Was That!" Optimus exclaimed, pointing to Hound, who was standing next to a numbered chart.

"Well Optimus, on a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest and ten being the highest, I would rate the actions of Inferno to be...a Sarah Palin." Hound announced as he stamped the chart with a sticker of Sarah Palin.

Cyclonus sighed as he witnessed the spectacle "Well, that didn't go terribly well, now did it?"

Galvatron stared in shock "...Wha-? Aw, shut up!"

"Should I order the retreat sir?" Shockwave asked as he turned to face Galvatron.

"No, I forbi-Urk!" Galvatron exclaimed, before Cyclonus suddenly struck him over his head.

"Right, let's go, this farce has gone on for too long." Cyclonus muttered, before turning to the Coneheads "Somebody drag this idiot back!"

"Huh...victory for the Autobots...I guess...Yay!" Optimus cheered.

Jazz merely sighed and massaged his temples.

At the base...

"Ok guys, so how are the decorations coming along?" The Author asked as he came along to inspect the efforts of his Minions.

"A-OK, we're almost done here!" Sparky called out as he Gauntlet, Vlad and Jenny decorated the living room.

"Ok then, keep up the good work!" The Author shouted as a pair of Shrieklings wearing antler headbands walked by, carrying a Christmas tree.

"And how are they doing?" Lisa asked as she approached the Author.

"Fine, fine...how are Crystal, James, Hideki and Errol going in the hallways?" The Author questioned.

"They're keeping to the schedule, if we keep this up we should complete the work on time for a change." Lisa answered as she checked out a clipboard.

"Y'know something? You're way too...uh...uptight, that's the word, loosen up! It's Christmas!" The Author reminded her.

Lisa sighed "That may be, but we have a lot of work to do, what with the decorations, secret Santa-"

"Secret Father Christmas." The Author reminded her.

Lisa sighed and rolled her eyes "Whatever, and Sparky and Hideki still have the Christmas dinner to prepare."

The Author shrugged "Eh, I'm sure they'll do it, have a little faith."

"I do, it's just that there's a lot of work to be done in just a few short hours...it gets me so frustrated, y'know?" Lisa asked.

"Look, you've been working hard, take some time off...maybe spend some time with Errol...?" The Author told her with a slight smirk.

In response, Lisa hit him over the head with her clipboard before walking off.

"Oh come on, it was just a joke!" The Author called out.

Back at the Decepticons headquarters, Galvatron was drowning his fourteenth scotch for the night.

"Hic...well, I shuppose it'sh time to hit the hay..." Galvatron slurred before standing up groggily and teetering off to his room.

Galvatron...Galvatron...

"Eh?" The drunken Galvatron asked as he looked around, wondering where the noise had come from.

After a moment of hearing nothing, Galvatron set off for his room once more. Finding himself outside of it, Galvatron reached for the doorknob and...

...Was shocked to see that the knob had turned into the face of Lord Zarak.

"Well...this is new...disturbingly new..." Galvatron muttered.

"...What? Your doorknob turns into my handsome face and that's all you can say? What the hell is wrong with you?-!" Zarak asked in anger.

"Hey, I've fought a planet sized Satan and I'm crazy! Nothing surprises me anymore!" Galvatron countered.

"Oh...well then..." Zarak trailed off.

"So...what are you doing here anyway?" Galvatron questioned.

"Well, since we last encountered each other, I was doomed to spend an eternity of suffering and misery!" Zarak informed Galvatron.

"Oh, hell?" Galvatron asked.

"No, Detroit!" Zarak answered.

Galvatron could only shudder at that "So why are you here then?"

"To warn you that if you don't change your miserly ways, you too could end up in Detroit!" Zarak warned Galvatron.

"Uh huh..." Galvatron said.

"So, you will be visited by three ghosts who will attempt to aid you in your quest for rede-Hey!" Zarak exclaimed as Galvatron twisted him as if he were still a doorknob.

"Hey, that's great and all, but I gotta get some sleep before the hangover kicks in, kay?" Galvatron asked.

"No it ain't "kay"! I'm trying to save your immortal spark here moron!" Zarak snapped.

"Oh, I sold that." Galvatron revealed.

"You sold it?-! To who?-!" Zarak questioned.

"Oh, Unicron, Satan...Cyclonus for the last packet of corn chips..." Galvatron replied.

Zarak sputtered in anger and disbelief "What the hell is wrong with you?-!"

"...So many things...Good night!" Galvatron shouted as he opened the door, snapped Zarak off of it, threw him away and shut the door.

"Hey, wait! You can't do this to me! Galvatron you stupid nimrod!" Zarak cried out in outrage as he lay in a corner behind a spider web.

"Well, time to get me some sleep!" Galvatron exclaimed as he threw himself onto the bed, unwittingly crushing Dirge, who was hiding underneath it for some reason.

Back at the Author's base, the decorations had been set up and now everyone was enjoying the Author's annual Christmas party. Sparky and Jenny were talking by the punchbowl, James and Crystal were on the couch, Vlad and Ashlyn were playing chess while Gauntlet were watching and Errol and Lisa where talking to each other.

"Wow, you sure got this place looking great." Lisa observed.

"Well, we couldn't have done it without your efficiency." Errol complimented.

Lisa blushed "Thanks, but you guys did most of the work, me and the Author were mostly just watching."

It was at that point that the doorbell rang.

"Guests?" Errol asked, raising his eyebrow.

"None that I know of." Lisa replied, looking at the door curiously as Sparky ran to answer it.

"Hello?" Sparky asked as he opened the door.

"Hi, Roxanne Simmons, I'm Hideki's girlfriend." A tall, pretty black haired young woman with glasses greeted as she answered the door, a large present in her hand.

"Oh, right, hi. We met before, remember?" Sparky asked.

"Um...Oh right, when you were fighting that creep who controlled water and his two weirdo friends, right?" Roxanne questioned.

"Yeah...Chaser, Nick and...Ricky..." Sparky answered, his throat catching at the mention of his greatest enemy.

"So, can I come in?" Roxanne asked.

"Oh, of course, come on in, Hideki should be in his workshop, he said he was working on something for the party." Sparky explained.

"Ok then, thanks Sparky!" Roxanne called out as she made her way towards Hideki's workshop.

"Huh...wonder if anyone else is gonna show up?" Sparky asked himself.

"So, who was that?" Lisa asked as she and Errol approached.

"Oh, that was Hideki's girlfriend, she's nice...works at SETI." Sparky explained.

Back in the Autobots base, everyone was gathered around in the assembly hall for Secret San-

"Secret Father Christmas!"

...Whatever...

"All right peeps, everyone take a name out of this hat!" Optimus commanded from atop his podium, Jazz by his side.

"Um...that's not a hat...it appears to be Dirge's severed head..." Gears pointed out.

Optimus merely chuckled jovially "Heh, heh...yeah..."

Cautiously, Starscream's ghost walked up to the podium and plucked a name out of the head.

"I got Sandstorm!" He cried happily.

In response, Optimus smacked him on the back of the head "You're not supposed to say it moron!"

And so, Starscream's ghost ran off screaming and sobbing.

Jazz sighed "Alright, next!"

A few minutes later, Cliffjumper, Inferno, Blades, Seaspray, Wheeljack and Fireflight were all gathered around and inspecting whose names they had received.

"I got Warpath." Blades reported.

"I have Huffer." Inferno replied.

"I've got Jazz!" Cliffjumper cried.

"They've given me Hauler" Fireflight told the others.

"For me...Scattershot." Wheeljack informed them.

"I got a rock." Seaspray reported, holding up a rock for the others to see "...also Perceptor."

"Well, that settles it then...to the gift store!" Cliffjumper cried as he ran off, closely followed by his idiotic compatriots.

Seaspray sighed "You know, sometimes even I think we're depressingly stupid..."

"Suck it up!" Wheeljack snapped, bitch slapping Seaspray.

In the Decepticon HQ, Galvatron was laying down for the night to recharge. It seemed that no sooner had he shut his eyes that a bright light enveloped his room.

"Uh? Damn it Swindle! What did I tell you about running meth labs in my room?-!" An annoyed Galvatron shouted.

"Swindle is not here."

"Wh-who said that?" Galvatron asked, astonished.

A figure clad in a white robe stepped forward, wreathed in a shining white light, a bright flame seemed to be emanating from the hood of his robe. In one robed hand was a magnificent golden sceptre. The figure threw back his hood to reveal...

Windcharger, with a small flame floating above his head and wearing a stupid looking metal cap...and also missing his arms for some reason.

"What? Autobot! How the bloody hell did you get into my room?-!" Galvatron questioned.

"Well, I am a ghost, in fact, I am one of the three spirits who is to visit you. I am...the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future!" Windcharger revealed.

"Right, and where are your arms?" Galvatron persisted with his questions.

Windcharger looked down at his stumps for a moment "Um...I have to make a quick stop before I take you on your mystical journey of revelation..."

In Wheeljack's laboratory...

"Damn it! There must be some kind of cool present in here somewhere!" Wheeljack cursed as he rummaged around through a pile of junk.

Suddenly, a flash of light caught Wheeljack's attention, and he looked up to see a robed and head flaming Windcharger, accompanied by Galvatron.

"Windcharger! I thought you were dead even though I and several others mysteriously got better! How are ya buddy? Need any explosives?" Wheeljack asked, ignoring Galvatron as he stuffed a nuclear grenade into his pocket.

"Actually, I want my arms back you stupid son of a bitch!" Windcharger snapped.

"Oh...those...Well, don't worry, I've just been using those to commit war crimes and torture Dirge!" Wheeljack explained.

Windcharger spluttered in rage and shock "Torture?-! Wheeljack you idiot! My arms were never meant for that!"

"Well...they are now!" Wheeljack exclaimed as he lifted them up for Windcharger to see.

"Give me those!" Windcharger snapped, telekinetically grabbing his arms and fusing them back to his nubs.

"Coool!" Galvatron exclaimed as he covertly snatched weapons grade plutonium.

"Now that we have that out of the way, let's...Aw to hell with it." Windcharger muttered as he suddenly turned to Wheeljack and used the magnets in his arms to throw him into a wall, before proceeding to hurl him out of a window.

"Damn dude." Galvatron muttered.

"Right, now that we have that out of the way, let's continue on our journey of self discovery, ok? Our first stop, your childhood!" Windcharger announced as he used his magical ghost powers to teleport the two of them into the past.

Instantly, the flame on Windcharger's head enveloped both him and Galvatron, before receding.

"Wha-?" A stunned Galvatron asked as he opened his eyes and lowered his arms. Where once had been the harsh, metal interior of the Ark, now was the harsh, metal exterior of Cybertron...only, different somehow.

"Welcome to the past!" Windcharger exclaimed as he raised his arms in a gesture of grandeur.

"Lame." Galvatron said, earning him a whack to the head from Windcharger's sceptre.

"Just shut up and pay attention! Ah, there's you!" Windcharger exclaimed as he pointed out a small, grey Decepticon.

Galvatron turned to see his younger self...being whipped mercilessly by a Quintesson slave master.

"Mush slave! Mush!" The Quintesson barked as he whipped Megatron.

"I love you cold, unfeeling robot overlord." Megatron squeaked.

"And I love it when you work maggot!" The Quintesson snapped as he used his tentacles to beat the helpless young Decepticon.

"You see Galvatron? Your anger stems from an abusive childhood where you-Hey, where the hell did he-? Oh dear God!" Windcharger exclaimed as he saw Galvatron beating the hell out of Megatron.

"Take that you snot nosed little brat! Ahahaha!" Galvatron laughed as he began pummelling his past self with the Quintesson slave master.

"...This is messed up beyond all reason..." Windcharger muttered in shock.

In the Author's base...

Sparky heard the doorbell ring again and stood up to answer it.

"Sparky!" Max cried as he ran up to his old friend.

"Urk! Hello Max..." Sparky chocked out as his former main annoyance hugged him.

"Hey dude, long time no see." Blaze greeted as she, David and Charlie walked in.

"Oh, you're here too...are the...others with you?" Sparky asked as Max let him go.

Blaze laughed and gave him a friendly punch on the arm "You're funny! Of course they're here! We'll go make ourselves at home, why don't you greet the others, K?"

"Max? Is that-Oh God no! Not the mistletoe hat!" Sparky could hear Ashlyn shout.

Sparky sighed, this was going to be a long party.

In the Autobot gift store, Fireflight was desperately looking around for a gift for Hauler.

"Hmmm, something good, something good...Um, a novelty pencil sharpener?" Fireflight asked himself as he held up a pencil sharpener in the shape of Galvatron dressed up as a clown "...This is so stupid."

"QUESTION: DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE?" A voice asked.

"Gah!" Fireflight cried as he jumped a meter into the air and hovered nervously "Who said that?"

"ANSWER: I DID." The voice replied as he stepped out behind a rack of snow globes to reveal...

"Soundwave? What the hell are you doing here?" A shocked Fireflight asked.

"EXPLANATION: DUE TO THE SUCCESS OF MY KNICK KNACK STORE, I HAVE BRANCHED OUT TO OTHER LOCATIONS, INCLUDING YOUR BASE." Soundwave replied.

"Oh...huh...So, what do you suggest?" Fireflight asked.

"THOUGHT: HMMM...PERHAPS THIS NOVELTY PENCIL SHARPENER?" Soundwave suggested, holding it up.

Fireflight sighed.

In the past...

"Ok, let's try this...you're just starting out as leader of the Decepticons and you're looking for followers..." Windcharger suggested as his head flame enveloped the pair and dumped them at another point in time.

"Hey, look, there's old me!" Galvatron exclaimed as he pointed at Megatron, who was standing on a box and waving a sign that read "JOIN THE DECEPTICONS OR I'LL KILL YOU".

"Join the Decepticons or I'll kill you! Join the Decepticons or I'll kill you!" Megatron cried at several passersby "You sir! You look like you'd like to join a military force of doomy doom!"

"Hey, what's with all those urchins running around in the background?" Galvatron asked as he motioned to the children running around in the street.

"What?" An annoyed Windcharger asked.

"Are there no torture chambers? Are there no slave pits?" Galvatron questioned.

Windcharger just sighed "Shut up and look at the vision."

"Join the Decepticons! Visit strange and exotic planets, meet interesting people, kill them-"

Suddenly, a can struck Megatron on the back of the head.

"Hey Mega-jerk! I see you're still a loser!" Soundwave shouted out as he and his gang walked up.

"Oh God damn it!" Megatron hissed as he picked himself up off the ground.

"Ello', ello', what's all this 'ere then?" The leader of the Autobots asked as he approached, closely followed by a group of Autobot soldiers.

"Uh, nothing sir, we were just-Argh!" Soundwave screamed as Megatron tackled him.

"Hey! He just tackled da boss!" Frenzy exclaimed.

"Let's get him!" Rumble cried.

Ravage yowled, properly translated it would have sounded like "I concur!"

What happened next was a massive brawl between Megatron, Soundwave, his gang, the Autobots and several nearby dockworkers.

"Argh! I am hit and am dead!" The Autobot leader cried as he clutched at a wound in his side.

"Good God! You killed him! What the hell is wrong with you?-!" A dockworker named Dion exclaimed.

"Uh...he did it!" Megatron cried, pointing at Soundwave.

"What?-!" Soundwave shrieked.

"Well you're all under arrest and-Wait a minute, where the hell's the Matrix?" An Autobot guard asked, looking around.

"Where did that thing go anyway?" Galvatron watched as he surveyed the scene.

Nobody seemed to notice a red mech with a blue helmet sneaking away, smuggling a cloth under his arms, eyes shifting about all...shiftily...

"And the point of that was?" Galvatron asked.

"To show you where exactly your life went wrong of course!" Windcharger explained "See, if you never became a Decepticon, you would have remained as the relatively saner Megatron and would have gone on to have a career in the field of dental hygenistry...wait, is that even a word...hygenistry?"

Galvatron blinked "That is...dumbest thing I have ever heard!"

Windcharger sighed and extinguished the flame on his head with his metal cap "Alright, this is bullshit! I have tried patiently to help you change your ways and stop you from eternal damnation in Detroit, but noooooo! You had to be an idiot and ignore me! Well you can burn in Detroit for all I care! This vision is over!"

And with that, the bleak and lifeless surroundings of Cybertron suddenly vanished and Galvatron found himself back in his room.

"Huh...well that was...crappy...oh well, good night world!" Galvatron shouted as he threw himself back down onto his bed and promptly went to sleep.

Elsewhere, Blades was scouring the city, looking for the perfect gift.

"Well, let's see...I could steal the weapons store, Warpath likes guns...or is that me? Yeah, it's probably me." Blades said to himself "Um...aha! I think I got it!" Blades murmured as he made a sudden turn, slicing into an office building as he headed towards the city centre.

At the Author's base...

I'll get it!" Sparky shouted as he heard the doorbell.

"ROWR!"

"Eek!" Sparky cried as something large and orange leapt at him, tackling him and pinning him on the floor.

"Hello lover"

"J-Jasmine?" An astonished Sparky asked.

"Yep! Thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing these holidays. Miss me sweetie?"

"Uh, yeah sure...are the other Offbeats with you?" Sparky questioned.

Jasmine shook her head "Nope, I came by myself, I was hoping to get some alone time with you..."

Sparky chuckled nervously "Uh, yeah, you remember that I have a girlfriend now, right?"

Jasmine pouted "Oh, you're no fun at all! Oh well, which way to the champagne?"

Sparky rubbed his head as Jasmine got off of him and allowed him to stand up "Yikes..."

In Galvatron's room...

"Wakey wakey...Hello? Oh come on. Hey! Oh for God's-!WAKE UP!"

"Aaahh!" Galvatron shouted as he was startled out of bed "Who are you?"

Standing in front of him was a figure in a fur lined green robe, a crown of mistletoe upon his head and a bejewelled staff with a Christmas bauble atop it. All around them were decorations and food, creating a lavish banquet fit for a Duke, or even an Earl "I am the Ghost of Christmas Present From the Now, and I come to-"

"You're Ratchet, aren't you?" Galvatron asked.

The figure seemed to hesitate "I am the Ghost of Christmas Present From the Now and I come here before you to-"

"But you are Ratchet, right?" Galvatron persisted.

The Ghost of Christmas Present from the Now sighed and threw back his hood, revealing his face "Yes, yes I am Ratchet, are you happy now?"

"I'm never happy." Galvatron replied as he fired a shot out of his window, vaporising Dirge as he walked by.

Ratchet rolled his eyes "Of course not. Come on, we've got a lot to see and only a short time to see it all."

"Well, where are we going? The far flung future? The depths of my mysterious past?" Galvatron questioned.

Ratchet blinked in surprise "You really don't get this, do you? Let me spell it out for you: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. See? It says it right there in my name, the Ghost of Christmas Present. Present, see? As in, the here and now."

"...I still don't get it..." Galvatron said, gazing dumbly at Ratchet.

"Of for-! Never mind, let's just get going, time is short." Ratchet replied as he opened the window and leapt out of it, taking a hold of Galvatron.

"So...where we going exactly?" Galvatron asked.

"Well, our first stop is right here, we're going to see how your fellow Decepticons are doing." Ratchet explained as he and Galvatron floated through the halls.

"So...did we really need to jump out of the window for that?" Galvatron asked in one of his extremely rare moments of clarity.

Ratchet paused for a second...he hadn't really thought of that "Ah, never mind, let's just keep going then, shall we?"

"You da boss man Mr. Ghosty!" Galvatron exclaimed, quickly settling back into insanity.

Ratchet could only sigh.

In the Author's base, Everyone was having a good time, drinking, snacking popping those...party...gift giving...things...you know what I mean!

"Well, this is turning out to be an awesome party!" David said as he looked around.

"You got that right, it's about the only time when Ashlyn acts even a little charitable." Gauntlet replied as Ashlyn walked up to Jenny.

"Uh, Jenny..." Ashlyn called out.

"Yeah Demi?" Jenny responded, turning to face her.

"Uh...this is for you..." Ashlyn replied as she shoved a gift wrapped box into Jenny's hands.

"A present? Oooh, thanks!" Jenny exclaimed, drawing a very reluctant Ashlyn into a hug.

"Um...please let go now." A blushing Ashlyn told Jenny.

Jenny let go "Oh, sorry Demi!"

Ashlyn turned to leave, stopped, turned and faced Jenny "Um...you can call me Ashlyn."

Jenny's eyes lit up "Really?"

Ashlyn sighed "Sure...but just for the holidays, got it princess?"

Jenny shook her head enthusiastically "Oh yeah, got it! Thank you so much Ashlyn!"

Aqua giggled at the sight "Aw, so cute!"

Sparky smiled and raised an eyebrow "Well, there's something you don't see every day, Ashlyn acting nice!"

"Damn dude, that is seriously weird!" Blaze exclaimed, eyes wide and staring "My idol is so complex!"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang again.

"Argh! Who the hell is it this time?-!" Sparky asked.

Charlie shrugged "Probably the rest of the guys, they said they were getting something special..."

Sparky rushed to the door and opened it.

He was amazed by what he saw.

There in the doorway was Sergei, Ace, Earl and...Bill.

"Bill? You're here?" An astonished Sparky asked.

Bill smiled faintly "Yeah, they said I was strong enough to make it...can we come in?"

"Uh...sure...go ahead." Sparky said, staring.

"Thanks." Bill replied as he walked inside, closely followed by Earl.

"Surprised?" Ace asked.

"Yeah, I thought he was still in therapy, you know, after his little...breakdown?" Sparky asked.

Sergei shrugged "I talked to the professor, he said Bill was fine to attend this party, as long as he didn't overdo it."

Sparky smiled "Great, you guys coming in?"

And they did.

Back at the Decepticon base, Galvatron and Ratchet were flying through the halls until they happened upon the break room. Inside were Scourge, Cyclonus, Shockwave, Astrotrain, the Constructions, save for Bonecrusher and Mixmaster, Onslaught, Brawl, Reflector, the Insecticons and the Stunticons.

"Ugh, I am so damn tired!" Scourge moaned as he threw himself into a chair.

"You're telling me." Reflector added wearily as he...they (?) lay in a heap.

"You think we'll be able to catch the Autobots Christmas party?" Long Haul asked.

Motormaster shook his head "I doubt it, you know how Galvatron gets when we ask him about the Autobots and parties."

Shrapnel sighed "Yeah...yeah."

Brawl snorted "Who cares? It's just a stupid party!"

Dead End turned to him "You want to go, don't you?"

Brawl sighed "Yeah..."

"well, we could still try?" Astrotrain suggested.

"It's no use, he'd never go for it." Cyclonus muttered from his seat.

The entire group sighed.

Ratchet turned to Galvatron "Do you see how disappointed they are? Don't you feel bad?"

Galvatron shifted uncomfortably "No! Maybe...No! Not at all! Maybe..."

Ratchet smirked "Maybe you are learning something after all."

Galvatron frowned "Whatever, let's go."

As he walked out, he accidentally brushed the coffee machine off the counter.

"What the-?" A surprised Onslaught asked.

"It wasn't me!" Wildrider insisted.

"Well that was weird..." Kickback muttered as he and Reflector examined the broken coffee machine.

Ratchet sighed and followed Galvatron. As he walked past the smashed coffee machine, it began to repair itself, until it stood in pristine condition, startling the Decepticons.

"What just happened?" A very confused Shockwave asked as Hook looked on in shock.

"Next, we're going to see how the Autobots deal with Christmas. First off, Cliffjumper is working as a lounge singer to pay for gifts for his friends, let's take a look see, m'kay?" Ratchet asked as he took Galvatron into a lavish lounge.

Sitting by a piano was Cliffjumper, who was right in the middle of the Piano Man...sort of...

Now Pete is a real estate novelist
That's a cute way of saying Pete's broke
I'll laugh at his life, while I'm humping his wife
'Cause Pete's tiny schlong is a joooooke!

My piano it sounds like God's symphony

And my microphone smells like the poor

They put bread in my cup and their lives all suck!

If I quit this job they'd lose all interest in living since life would have no meaning and they'd blow their brains out onto the flooooor!

Oh la da de doodley da!

At this point, the crowd began to boo...until Cliffjumper pulled out his gun and began waving it about.

Down on your knees I'm the piano God!
Pray to the songs that I've sung
Tell me I'm too good to work here
And put my balls right on your tongue!

At the point the audience was in an uproar, booing and hurling rotten fruit at Cliffjumper as he stood up and took a bow.

"Thank you! Thank you! No applause, just throw money!" Cliffjumper shouted as he stood up, only to be hit square in the forehead with a tomato "What the-? Who threw that! That's it! You are dead!"

At that point, he leapt into the crowd, blasting wildly.

Galvatron looked at the scene calmly, before turning to face Ratchet "So, uh, this is your idea of a good Christmas?"

Ratchet could only stare at the scene in horror "Oh God damn it! I thought that they would have fixed the stupid son of a bitch by now!"

Galvatron looked at Cliffjumper with traces of pity "Well...it is sorta of sad..."

Ratchet looked startled "You...you're learning a lesson from all this?"

Galvatron shrugged "I guess so." And why do I feel so...different? Like this weird feeling in my head? Galvatron thought.

Ratchet lit up like a Christmas tree "Oh this is great! I'm actually teaching Galvatron! I wonder if I'll get an award or something? Wait, where'd he go?" Ratchet asked as he noticed that Galvatron had suddenly left his side.

"Argh! Ragglefraggle!" Galvatron cried as he began shovelling the fleeing masses into his mouth.

Ratchet could only sigh "Well, back to square one.

Back at the Author's Christmas party...

"Hey there Hideki!" Roxanne greeted as she found Hideki seated in his workshop.

"Oh? Hey Roxie!" Hideki called out, getting up.

"So, why aren't you at the party?" Roxanne asked.

Hideki smiled "Well, keep it a secret, but I'm working on something, here take a look."

Hideki walked up to a bench covered in a sheet, before suddenly ripping it off.

"Ta-da!"

"Oh wow...it's so cool!" Roxanne exclaimed.

"Isn't it?" Hideki asked with a grin as he stood in front of a mechanical Father Christmas, complete with sleigh, all nine reindeer and elves.

"Does it fly?" Roxanne asked, half jokingly.

"Actually, yeah, I installed an anti-gravity feature and thrusters, wanna see?" Hideki asked.

"Do it!" Roxanne exclaimed without a moment's hesitation.

"Alright then, 'ere we go!" Hideki cried as he grabbed a remote from the table and pressed a few buttons.

Almost instantly, the sleigh began to hover and the reindeer began kicking their legs, almost as if they were running.

Roxanne clapped her hands "Awesome! You did a great job!"

Hideki smiled "Thanks, I can't wait to show the others!"

"Oh, that reminds me, here, I got you a present!" Roxanne exclaimed as she grabbed the present and handed it to Hideki "Here!"

"Thanks! Can I open it now?" Hideki asked as he shook it gently.

"Sure, but you owe me for letting you open this early." Roxanne replied, grinning mischievously.

Hideki enthusiastically ripped open the present and found...a picture of him and Roxanne, their arms around each other as they stood in front of the building where Roxanne worked.

"Oh wow, thanks! This is great!" Hideki exclaimed with a huge grin as he hugged Roxanne.

Roxanne giggled "Thought you'd like it."

"So, there's no real hurry to get to the party, wanna hang out here for a little bit?" Hideki asked.

Roxanne smiled "Sure, that sounds great."

Meanwhile, Ratchet and Galvatron were still flying around.

"So, where to now?" Galvatron asked.

"We have to make a stop at the Witwicky house, hang on." Ratchet replied as they suddenly found themselves outside of the home of Spike Witwicky and his family "Look inside." Ratchet commanded.

Galvatron did so, and saw Spike sitting down with his wife, Carly, his son, Daniel and his son's wiener friends, Sara, Macy, Rhonda and Schrader.

"Father, will we have enough money to buy my medication?" Daniel asked as he coughed feebly and held onto a crutch.

Spike sighed "For the last time Daniel, you're not dying and you don't need that crutch! And why are your friends here?"

"Oh father, I thought that these poor, starving orphans might like a few scraps of morsels to eat, can we feed them, please?" Daniel questioned and sneezed...right onto Macy.

"Oh God damn it Daniel!" Macy exclaimed as Schrader and Sara laughed.

"Danny, we're not orphans an d we're not starving." Sara pointed out once she had stopped laughing.

"Oh, their hunger makes them delirious with...delirium!" Daniel bemoaned, causing everyone present to roll their eyes.

"I told you not to drink during pregnancy!" Spike hissed at Carly.

"Geez, I never thought he'd end up this messed up!" Carly hissed back.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and Sparkplug burst in.

"Son! I thought you'd like to spend Christmas with your dear old Dad! Happy holidays!" Sparkplug cried.

"Get back into your retirement home old man!" Spike snapped as he stood up.

"Why son? Don't you love me anymore?" Sparkplug asked, a hurt look on his face.

"I haven't talked to you since you tried to sell Daniel for crack!" Spike exclaimed in anger.

"Maybe we should go..." Rhonda whispered.

"Hang on, this is gold." Sara replied as she turned on her phone camera.

"I will give you my soul for that video." Schrader murmured to her.

"Deal." Sara replied.

A severely confused Galvatron turned to face Ratchet with a very confused look on his face "What the hell is going on here? And why did you show me this?"

Ratchet stared at Galvatron emotionlessly "I wanted to show you the tragic and dysfunctional home life of the Witwicky family, tragic, isn't it?"

"Well, yes, I agree but-Jesus Christ!" Galvatron cried as Sparkplug was suddenly thrown out of the window.

"And don't come back here old man!" Spike shouted from inside the house.

"Aw...I just wanted some crack!" Sparkplug shouted back, before sadly trudging off.

Ratchet glanced at his watch "Well, our time is almost over, so I suppose I should get you back home, but before I do, I have one final thing to show you." Ratchet said as he landed on the ground, Galvatron closely following him.

"So, what is it?" Galvatron asked, his curiosity piqued.

Suddenly, Ratchet's robe seemed to squirm, as if there was something underneath it, and something fell out.

"Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask" said
Galvatron, looking intently at Ratchet's robe "but I see
something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding
from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?"

"It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it" was
Ratchet's sorrowful reply "Look here."

From the foldings of its robe, he brought two children;
wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt
down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

"Oh, Man. Look here. Look, look, down here." exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and a girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling,
wolfish, but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where
graceful youth should have filled their features out, and
touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled
hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and
pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat
enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No
change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any
grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has
monsters half so horrible and dread...also, they looked like Daniel and Sara for some reason.

Galvatron started back, appalled. Having them shown to him
in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but
the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie
of such enormous magnitude.

"Spirit...are they yours?" Galvatron could say no more.

"They are Man's." Ratchet replied, looking down upon
them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers.
This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both,
and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy,
for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the
writing be erased. Deny it." cried Ratchet, stretching out
its hand towards the city "Slander those who tell it ye.
Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse.
And abide the end."

"Have they no refuge or resource?" cried Scrooge.

"Are there no torture chambers?" said the Ghost of Christmas Present From the Now, turning on him for the last time with his own words "Are there no slave pits?"

Galvatron shuddered "What now Spirit?"

"Now I must depart, farewell, we shall not meet again." Ratchet told Galvatron, and suddenly, he, Want and Ignorance seemed to shimmer with a golden light, before turning into thousands of tiny lights, which were then scattered away by the wind.

Galvatron shut his eyes tightly, and when he opened them, he found himself back in his room.

"Oooh, my head hurts..." Galvatron muttered as he clutched at his head, which had suddenly began to throb.

In the city, Seaspray was searching desperately from shop to shop, still looking for the greatest gift ever.

"Hmm, what would Perceptor want? What would Perceptor want?" Seaspray muttered to himself as he went from a toyshop to a pawn shop to a pet store.

"Hmmm...maybe he'd like a fluffy bunny? Or perhaps a puppy?" Seaspray asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, before a sudden, wicked gleam crossed his eyes "Or...perhaps he'd like a fish? Yes...everyone loves fish...yes..."

Five minutes later, Seaspray was unceremoniously kicked out by the owner of the shop.

"And never, ever come back you giant freak!" The owner cried.

"But can't I just-?" Seaspray began, before the owner cocked his shotgun "Eep! Leaving!" Seaspray cried as he ran off.

In Galvatron's room...

"Uh...what?" A tired Galvatron asked as he suddenly woke up.

He looked around, the room had suddenly become dark and cold.

"What could have caused th-Oh my God!" Galvatron screamed as a black cloaked figure clutching a scythe floated towards him.

GALVATRON...GALVATRON...

"Eep! Wh-who are you?" Galvatron asked as he tried to cover himself with his blanket.

The figure pulled his cloak back to reveal...

"Gasp! Prowl! But...but you're dead...Scavenger killed you! Ghost! Argh! Ghost!" Galvatron exclaimed.

Prowl sighed "Yes, yes he did, chalk one up for Scavenger. Funny, Ratchet said you actually seemed to be getting this, but now that he's gone you seem stupid again."

"I do." Galvatron replied as he shoved five candles down his throat.

Prowl glared at the now stupid again Galvatron "Alright moron! Knock it off! We've got a lot of ground to cover and I'm the last spirit, so we had better hurry this up. So come on, let's get going."

"M'kay! Bye bye room!" Galvatron cried as he waved to his room, before seizing Prowl's hand in a death grip.

Prowl sighed before tapping his scythe on the floor. Instantly, a Corridor to Darkness opened up, and the two walked into it into parts unknown.

At the Author's headquarters...

"Hey, where's Hideki and Roxanne?" Crystal asked as she and James stood by the punchbowl.

"Oh, they're probably around here somewhere...oh look, there they are now." James pointed to the entrance of Hideki's workshop, where the two were staggering out.

"They look a little sweaty." Crystal pointed out.

"Hmmm, must be hot down there." James mused.

"Are you joking?" Crystal asked.

James lightly punched her arm "Of course I'm joking, I'm not that thick."

Crystal giggled "I don't think you're thick at all."

"Heh, thanks." James replied.

Once again, the doorbell rang.

"Oh come on!" Sparky exclaimed, startling everyone "How many people are gonna show up anyway?-!"

"Just get the damn door!" Lisa snapped.

"Yes ma'am..." Sparky replied quietly as he walked towards the door.

"Hey big brother." The girl at the door greeted, a short brunette in her late teens.

"Anna!" Sparky exclaimed, pulling his little sister into a hug "I didn't know you were coming! Geez, you shoulda told me!"

Anna smiled "I know, I just wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well, it's great to see you! I'm so glad you could come!" Sparky exclaimed, grabbing her hand and dragging her inside.

"Hey Jenny." Anna greeted with a slight wave.

"Hi Anna, Sparky didn't tell us you were coming." Jenny replied.

"Oh, that's because I didn't tell him. I thought I'd surprise him." Anna told Jenny.

"Ha, well he looks surprised all right." Jenny said.

Suddenly, the Author approached the microphone "Ahem! All right everybody, I just wanted to let you know that in a few minutes, our resident musician James will be performing! If you have any requests, be sure to pester him about it! Have fun guys!"

"Behold...the future!" Prowl announced as he and Galvatron walked into a high tech, futuristic looking...future.

"Oooh, future-y!" Galvatron exclaimed as he looked around in amazement.

"Come, we have much to see." Prowl stated as he began to...float off, and Galvatron rushed to keep up with him "Behold." Prowl said as he walked up to an old, boarded up building.

Galvatron peered through one of the boards and was confused by what he saw "Why, it's my fellow Decepticons! But they look so...so weary and broken...and stuff!"

Indeed, inside were the time ravaged forms of Ramjet, Slugslinger, Misfire, Snapdragon, Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy and Razorclaw.

"Eh, did you hear the news?" Slugslinger asked as he warmed himself by a crudely constructed fire.

"What news?" Ramjet asked with a scowl.

"That doddering old coot died, that's what they say!" Razorclaw muttered.

"Oh, so he's dead is 'e?" Snapdragon questioned.

"Eh, good riddance!" Frenzy grumbled.

"Yeah! He was nuthin' but trouble anyways!" Rumble added.

"STATEMENT: I CONCUR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EVER SAW IN HIM!" Soundwave agreed as he tightened the dirty rag he was using as a shawl around his shoulders.

"'Bout time I say! I owed money to 'im!" Misfire said with a form of malicious glee.

"Ya think anyone's gonna show up to 'is funeral?" Snapdragon asked.

Razorclaw snorted "I doubt it, who could ever love a miserly old lunatic like him?"

"Agreed!" The others cried in unison.

Slugslinger chuckled "You think they'll even bother putting up a statue for him in the Mausoleum?"

"Why bother? Vandals would just deface it as soon as it's erected." Ramjet replied.

"Heh, you said "erected!"" Rumble said with a chuckle.

"Well, if they do put one up...you guys wanna vandalise it?" Misfire asked.

"Ha, sure, might be good for a laugh!" Snapdragon replied with a cruel laugh.

At this, they all burst into laughing...even Galvatron.

"Ahaha! Why are we laughing?" Galvatron asked.

Prowl groaned "We're not you idiot! Just pay attention!"

"Ok then!" Galvatron replied, before pausing "Hey! Wait a second...I don't like what they were talking about for some reason, am I crazy?"

"Yes, yes you are." Prowl replied "But you shouldn't like what they're saying, I think we're making some progress here."

"Coool." Galvatron replied.

Prowl rolled his eyes "Well, come on, let's get going, our next stop is the Witwicky residence."

"Again?" Galvatron asked.

"Yes, again!" Prowl replied.

"Oh...okay then!" Galvatron exclaimed, an idiotic grin lining his face.

Another Corridor to Darkness enveloped the pair, and they soon found themselves outside of Spike's house. Now however, it was in an obvious state of repair, having no broken windows, no salted flower beds and no burned down fences.

"What happened here?" A shocked Galvatron asked.

"Look inside and find out." Prowl replied, motioning towards the window with his scythe.

Galvatron peered through the window and saw an angry looking Spike, a guilty looking Sparkplug and a sobbing Carly.

"Oh God damn it old man! You had to do it, didn't you? You just couldn't control yourself!" Spike yelled.

"Well, in my defence-" Sparkplug began.

"What?-!" How can you defend yourself?-! Huh? How can you possibly defend what you did?-!" Spike cried in outrage.

"Son, would you let me finish?" Sparkplug asked "As I was saying, in my defence...it was some good quality crack!"

Spike began spluttering in rage and shock, before groaning loudly as Carly began to sob even louder "You idiot! You sold your own grandson for crack and all you can say is "It was some good crack"?-!"

"Well...it was." Sparkplug replied with a shrug.

"Urgh! Alright you old idiot, for selling our son for crack, we're going to have to force you to perform the fiery ritual of Carousel!" Spike told his father.

"...Can I have some weed first?" Sparkplug asked.

Spike glared as he pulled a lever, instantly, Sparkplug was pulled up into the air, as if gravity had ceased to work for him, and Sparkplug began circling the room, going faster and faster.

"Wheee!" Sparkplug cried in joy as he went spinning faster, faster, faster...and then he exploded "Aw man, I am dead!"

"Good riddance." Spike muttered.

"But what about our son? What about Daniel?" Carly asked through her hysterical sobs.

"Well, even though without him we're richer, have a better, lest destroyed house and we no longer have to put up with his lameass friends...it just won't be the same without him...damn you old man!" Spike cried, shaking a fist into the air as his father's ashes began floating down "Aw God damn, it! Now we're covered in Dad!"

Galvatron pulled back from the window, eyes wide and staring "Well...that was...different."

"You see? Their lives are miserable without their son and his father is dead." Prowl informed Galvatron.

"And how is any of this my fault?" Galvatron asked.

"Oh, it isn't, it's just great for guilting people about their own decisions." Prowl replied.

"Uh huh...wait, wait...it seems to be working." Galvatron said as he placed a hand over his spark "Or it could be heartburn...no wait, I think it's heartburn...No...No, hang on...yep, it's guilt."

Back at the Author's base, James and his band were beginning to perform. What was he performing? Well, a rocked out version of Jingle Bells how's that? What? What do you mean it's not awesome?

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

With the performance over, everyone cheered and clapped their hands as James bowed.

"Ok, wow, thanks guys, ok, we're gonna do another song now so-" James was cut off by more applause "Wow, thanks! Ok, so we're gonna do another song, but I'm going to need the help of a lovely assistant, any volunteers."

Instantly, Jenny's hand shot up "Oh, oh, pick me! Pick me, please!"

James chuckled "Heh, sorry Jenny, but I think someone else fits this perfectly, Crystal, you wanna come up here?"

The crowd parted and Crystal walked up, with James helping her up onto stage.

"Ok, I think you know this one, so I don't think I need to hand you a lyrics sheet or anything, just try to keep up, ok?" James asked, a mischievous smile on his face.

Crystal poked her tongue out at him and elbowed him softly in the ribs "We'll see who needs to keep up with who, won't we?"

James chuckled "Well, I guess we will. Hit it!"

The music started and Crystal's eyes lit up "Oh my God, I love this song!"

James smiled and shrugged "Yeah, I know, ready?"

Crystal nodded.

"OK, here we go."

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

At that point, Crystal began to sing, dazzling the audience with her singing voice...

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

James and Crystal began dancing slowly with each other, and a spotlight operated by a Shriekling narrowed on them, giving the others a clear view. A huge cheer went up as they leaned close to each other and kissed.

James blushed and turned to the audience "Uh, yeah, not a very Christmas-y song, we know, but I hope you enjoyed it...um, merry Christmas everyone!"

Another huge cheer went up and the audience began to applaud.

Back in the future...

"And now we reach our final destination..." Prowl told Galvatron as they walked out of a Corridor to Darkness and into...

"Gasp! The Decepticon Mausoleum!" Galvatron...gasped and turned to Prowl, who motioned towards a giant statue veiled in shadow at the far end of the mausoleum "I-I think I know who my former minions where referring to Spirit...Oh, but please tell me that I was wrong..."

Galvatron walked up to the statue, the shadows receding with each step until he could clearly make out who the statue was a memorial to...

GALVATRON

Galvatron closed his eyes, before turning back to Prowl "Oh please Spirit, tell me that the future can be changed! Please tell me that it is not all set in stone! Oh please Spirit, say something, anything, I implore you!" Galvatron sobbed.

"It is all over Galvatron, this is the end...prepare to face...Oblivion." Prowl said calmly as he slammed his scythe into the ground.

Galvatron screamed as a fiery pit opened up beneath him, flames licking at his feet. The floor beneath his feet crumbled, and Galvatron barely managed to find a chunk of ledge to cling onto.

"Please Spirit! Have mercy, I beg of you!" Galvatron screamed as he felt the ledge under his fingers begin to give way "Please! I will change! I swear of it! I will change my ways!"

Prowl's eyes seemed to flash red, and Galvatron let out a final scream as he was sent tumbling down into the abyss, he closed his eyes in terror...

...And opened them to find that he was back in his room.

Galvatron cried out with joy "I'm alive! I'm alive! Oh, thank you Spirits! I will change my ways! I swear it! Oh, but is there still time?"

Running to the window, Galvatron smashed it open and leant out, seeing Thrust walking outside.

"You! Conehead!" Galvatron called out, attracting Thrust's attention.

"Who? Me sir?" Thrust asked.

"Yes, you Conehead! What day is this?" Galvatron asked.

"Today sir? Why, tis Christmas eve day sir!" Thrust responded.

"Oh joy! Then it is not too late!" Galvatron exclaimed, weeping tears of joy.

Divebomb and Drag Strip walked up to Thrust.

"Yo, what's going on?" A confused Drag Strip asked as he witnessed Galvatron dancing and sobbing on his windowsill.

"I think Galvatron may have lost it..." Thrust said as he watched the spectacle.

"Yay! Peace! Joy! Love!" Galvatron shouted.

"...Yep, he's lost it." Divebomb muttered.

Suddenly, Galvatron leapt out of the window and landed next to the stunned trio, who all leapt back in shock.

"Quickly, I have to fix this! I have to fix everything!" Galvatron muttered to himself, before turning his attention to the three Decepticons, who were eyeing him nervously "You three! I have jobs for you!"

Divebomb looked around cautiously, before settling his attention back to Galvatron "Uh, sure boss, what did you have in mind?"

"I want you to go find Cliffjumper, Thrust, you can look for Inferno, Drag Strip, retrieve Seaspray, and tell Slugslinger and Dirge to track down Wheeljack and Fireflight, I wish to talk with them! But do it gently! I don't want any of you to harm them!" Galvatron told his underlings.

"Uh, you feeling ok there boss?" Drag Strip asked, raising a nonexistent brow.

"Never better! Why, I feel marvellous! Terrific! Now, please, go and find them quickly! I have much to do, oh yes, so very much to do!" Galvatron exclaimed, rubbing his hands together with glee.

"Uh, yes sir." Thrust replied, before running off, with the others soon following suite.

"Now, to make a quick stop." Galvatron murmured as he ran off...

The Witwicky house...

"Aw, come on son! Please? Let me in! I promise not to try to sell Daniel for drugs!" Sparkplug whined.

"Hello human." A voice from behind Sparkplug greeted, causing him to turn around.

"Gah! You're that giant evil robot!" Sparkplug exclaimed.

"Well, giant evil automaton to be exact, but yes, that's me!" Galvatron replied, a broad grin on his face.

"W-what do you want with me?" A terrified Sparkplug asked, trembling visibly.

"Well, I'm going to stop you from being a burden on your family, using the only way I know...over the top violence!" Galvatron explained as he picked Sparkplug up and booted him over the horizon.

"NOOOOOOO!" Sparkplug screamed.

"Well, that worked well I think." Galvatron said to himself as he dusted his hands off.

"Sir!" A voice from above cried.

"Hmmm?" Galvatron asked, looking up "Ah, good, I see you have arrived!"

Coming to land were Thrust, Drag Strip, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Divebomb and Slugslinger, accompanied by Seaspray, Fireflight, Wheeljack, Inferno, Cliffjumper and Blades.

"Yes sir, we have returned and we have the Autobots that you requested!" Thundercracker replied.

"Uh, but where's Dirge? Wasn't he with you?" A puzzled Galvatron asked as he looked all around.

In response, Blades held up his rotor, from which hung Dirge's severed head.

"He tried to take me, so I took his head!" Blades replied with a psychotic grin.

"Uh, ok then...listen Autobots, we mean you no harm! We wish to help you get presents for your friends!" Galvatron explained.

The Autobots looked at Galvatron in confusion.

"You? Help us?" An astonished Inferno asked in...astonishment.

"Yea Verily! I come bearing gifts for you to take back!" Galvatron exclaimed, holding up a large sack filled with presents.

The Autobots carefully rummaged through the sack and each brought out labelled gifts.

"My God! These are perfect!" Cliffjumper murmured in astonishment.

"So...awesome!" Fireflight agreed.

"Look at it! Look at it and behold the sheer awesome!" A slack jawed Wheeljack exclaimed.

"Uh, no thanks, I already have the perfect gift." Blades told Galvatron as he patted a blood soaked burlap sack tied in two places with belt.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but...what's in it?" A nervous looking Skywarp asked.

"A dead Fred Figglehorn!" Blades exclaimed.

"...What." Skywarp asked.

"Yeah, I hate that freak, I mean, he's not even funny! Oh, look at me, I'm some spaz who talks really fast! Pay attention to me! Oh, I have some crappy movie when lots of other, real internet phenomenons don't and they should!" Blades spat in disgust.

"Oooookay, then, let's deliver these presents ASAP!" Thundercracker said.

"Oh, you guys go ahead, I have something to do first!" Galvatron told them as he flew off.

At the Autobot base...

"Alright everyone, get ready for the Secret Father Christmas unveilings! Everyone ready?" Jazz asked.

"Wait! Don't start without us!" Seaspray cried as he and the others burst in through the door.

"OH good, since you guys are all so enthusiastic, why don't you go first?" Optimus asked with a smile.

"Ok, we will!" Wheeljack exclaimed, turning to face Scattershot "Scattershot, I got you a pair of wing warmers on cold nights."

Scattershot's mouth fell open "Th-thank you Wheeljack, these are perfect!"

"And for you Huffer, I found a globe of Cybertron so you don't get homesick!" Inferno told Huffer.

"Why this is...this is perfect! I have nothing to complain about!" Huffer exclaimed in wonder.

"Jazz, for you I went out and bought this lovely taser, so that you can stun us when we get too annoying, happy Christmas!" Cliffjumper said as he presented Jazz his gift.

Jazz was amazed "Thanks Cliffjumper, I'll treasure it always and only use it on you guys when you really, really piss me off."

"Uh, here Hauler, take this signed photo of you and the Constructions from when you were still friends." Fireflight offered to Hauler.

Hauler sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye "Thank you so much Fireflight, this means a lot to me."

"Perceptor, I sold my armour so that I could afford to buy you a chain for your gold watch...but then the Decepticons gave me the chain, so I guess I sold my armour for nothing...oh well, enjoy!" Seaspray told Perceptor.

"Um...thank you Seaspray...now all I need is a gold watch..." Perceptor replied, looking at Seaspray curiously.

"And Warpath, for you I have...the dead, deceased corpse of Fred Figglehorn." Blades unveiled the burlap corpse sack.

Warpath stared at the sack with wide eyes for the longest time before saying "Freakin' sweet dude! I hate that Fred creep! He can burn in festive Christmas hell! Thanks man!"

Suddenly, the doors to the base burst open and in came every single Decepticon.

"What the-? Ambush!" Optimus Prime exclaimed, reaching for his rifle.

"Wait! Prime, we come to you in peace!" Galvatron exclaimed, holding up his hands.

"Peace?" A confused Jazz asked, hand on his taser.

"Yes, peace! For you see, I had a vision where I was visited by three spirits who showed me the error of my ways, and so I come before you with a request...a request to party! So, Optimus, will you let us party with you?" Galvatron asked.

Optimus seemed to think it over before replying "Oh, what the hell! Come here man! Let's party!"

And so they partied long into the night, forgetting their petty squabbles, instead, basking in the friendship and glory of their Christmas truce. Instead of death, Dirge's gift was a shiny new set of wings from Inferno.

And it was magical for all involved.

Back at the Author's party...

"Here you go!" Lisa said to the Author as she handed him a gift.

"What's in it?" The Author asked, his voice dripping with excitement.

"Well open it and find out!" Lisa replied with a smile.

Grinning, the Author ripped open the present to find...

"An autograph book? Zooey Deschanel? Richard Steven Horvitz? Mary Elizabeth Winstead? Christopher Walken? Lacey Chabert? Holy crud! Sienna Guillroy! Gah!" The Author exclaimed in wonder.

"Yeah, we got you the autographs of all your favourite actresses and actors." Lisa explained "Oh, and check the back."

"Ok, let's see here...Holy-! Diana Agron! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The Author squealed, before he turned stared at her, his eyes wide and his mouth opening and closing rapidly "This is...the greatest gift ever! Thank you so much!"

Lisa chuckled and turned to face the screen "Well, we hope that you enjoyed the first, and hopefully not the last Christmas edition of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Gauntlet: Sadly, that just about does it from us.

Vlad: But we hope that you enjoyed this, we sure had fun being in it.

Roxanne: So don't forget to leave a review...

Anna: And we thank you so much for reading!

Crystal: Until we meet again...

Minions: THANKS FOR READING!

FIN