Chapter thirty eight- A mother and daughter reunion.

This isn't what happened in the game, but I think any mother who had lost two of her children fighting would not want to lose another because of it. Also, I thought that Leandra was too smooth around the edges in the game, so I gave her a few rough edges.

Thanks to LostSpace for the help with this chapter, your wisdom on the matter is much appreciated! :)

X

Hawke entered the mansion that was now her home soaked in the left over shower from the past months' torrential rain. She tiptoed towards the stairs as quietly as her drenched boots would allow her but froze at the statuesque form of Leandra Hawke, standing at the top of staircase looking down at her in stunned silence. Hawke must have mirrored her expression for several moments passed before her mother descended the stairs with a fury that could make an entire army retreat from the field of battle.

"ARIA REVKA HAWKE!" she screamed, as she darted towards her with the speed of someone younger than her years.

Hawke winced at her mother's shout, and all of a sudden the lifestyle of a wolf seemed appealing once again. But no, not this time. Fenris –as much as she hated to admit it- was right about her mother needing her. They were the last ones left from a family that was once full; all that remained was Mother, herself and Gamlen. Although now they no longer lived with the old swine she hoped she wouldn't have to see him as often.

"I have not slept ever since that day when your friends came to tell me that another one of my babies had become a victim to the blight and the other had decided to run away! How could you leave me when I needed you most? How could you be so selfish?" her mother pleaded, sobs threatening to make her voice crack.

"What do you want from me, Mother? Do you want me to beg on my knees for your forgiveness? I am selfish. I am selfish because once again I did not want to meet your disappointment, because everything that goes wrong is always my fault. You go ahead, vent your anger and your blame but can you do this when I'm asleep? Or maybe when I am half asleep? Actually, where's my bedroom? It could help me get to sleep. Maker knows I need it," Hawke replied, stretching her arms out dramatically to emphasise her need to sleep.

"And here it is, once again! Why is it whenever something bad happens, you are never there! You're busy hiding! Hiding behind your sarcasm like the coward you are! Why should you care about what anyone else feels! It doesn't matter does it? All your life you drip sarcasm and run away when things get too serious! Are you dead inside? You abandoned all that love you for what? For time reflect on your foolishness?" mother screamed, her voice as bold as her temper.

Hawke took a deep breath at her mother's angry words, she knew she deserved them but without Carver she felt like a horse with no reins. There was little she could do to control her own emotions and temper without his faithful voice of reason.

"Mother, as I said before I don't wish to discuss this right now, when we have both slept we can-"

"Sleep? I have not slept in two months, you foolish girl! I have had enough of this, this charade! This joke of a character that you play! This lovable rogue who is not hurt or does not grieve for those she has lost! It is like you are dead inside; I have lost all my children it seems! You are heartless! You were not there, you did not tell Merrill of your own brother's fate! You did not tell me of my own son's fate! You did not-"

Before Mother could continue, Hawke felt her temper begin to build like steam from a boiling pan. Mother was quickly becoming a hypocrite. Hawke remembered all that time ago when Mother had abandoned her, told her she would not walk again, that they didn't have time with the farm, excuses after excuses whilst Carver helped her regain her strength and Bethany had healed what she could. How could she put this on her? She had avoided father whilst he laid in agony, not wanting to see his pain. She had left Hawke to read him tomes; she had only come when Hawke began to snap, when the sight of her dying father began to break her.

"How fucking dare you," Hawke started, ignoring her mother's gasp at her curse "how dare you stand there and call me selfish? How dare you say I did not mourn?! When father got sick, I read to him all day and night, when Bethany died I stood there and took the brunt of your wicked tongue! Carver was my lifeline when I was broken all those years ago, he tended to my wounds, he loved and cared for me when YOU wouldn't! When I was infected and destroyed, you ignored me and concentrated on Bethany. When I could not walk because the infection in my leg spread, you left me in bed! And now, when it is all over, when the rest of them are gone, now you want to acknowledge me? Understand me? Go to bed Mother, you'll get better answers in your dreams," Hawke said, gritting her teeth.

"I have always loved you the same, Aria! I cannot understand you, ever since- it has always been different, I cannot describe how difficult it was to me, you were always your father's favourite, he loved you more than he had ever loved anything, then in the space of a month, your father dead and a little girl with the bitterness of someone well beyond her years," her mother said in defeat, rubbing her temples.

"I have reason to be bitter mother, don't you worry about that. I am going to bed if you would kindly show me where my own room is in my house, that'd be great. Then tomorrow, I will go and settle the rest of the money with Varric and-"she started.

"I think not. Did you think you could come home and then run around Kirkwall as smuggler, Aria? You are nobility now, child, and you have a lot of things to atone for! You cannot do that to me, leave me here to go adventuring and running around playing your sword games! I have lost too much. If you wish that life, if you wish to live on the seesaw of life and death, then leave me now. Leave me now child and go back to wherever you hid," her mother begged, her voice slightly raised.

"How can you say that when my seesaw of a life bought you this mansion? All those people that ignored you when you were living in Lowtown and now they drink tea and invite you to their dinners, I did that! Smuggler Hawke did that, and this is my home! I was the one who fought and bled for you!" Hawke screamed.

"AND SMUGGLER HAWKE SHOULD DIE ALONG WITH HER SIBLINGS! YOU BOUGHT THIS FOR ME AND YOU AND CARVER WERE PART OF THIS DEAL! YOU WOULD BECOME NOBILITY AND FORGET WHAT LIFE YOU HAD! COME BACK TO ME WHEN YOU'RE READY TO BE AN ADULT!" her mother thundered, a high pitched yelp confirming that she had woken Spike in her tirade.

The silence between them was deafening, the deep breaths of Leandra Hawke the only thing making noise in the quiet mansion.

Hawke gritted her teeth and then slumped her shoulders in defeat. Carver had begged her to look after Mother on his almost death bed. And she had promised, and once again she had broken that promise. All her life she tried to keep a hold of herself and she hadn't realised how much her family had needed her. Bethany had needed her when it came to training her magic; if she had kept her promise then Bethany would have been more adept and would have lived. Carver needed some time to be himself and to step out of her shadow, and when he tried she had become his. She followed him because she didn't want anyone else to have him. Father had made her promise to keep their family safe and once again another promise had been broken and here she was in this mess. The grand legacy of Aria Hawke was broken promises and deaths. She destroyed everything that came into her wake. Now, there was no one else left except Mother and she knew she could not break any more of her promises. She had promised Mother a life of nobility once they had earned enough gold – she had never expected them to be where they were now if she was honest- and this was a promise she had to keep.

A sad pang hit her stomach when she thought of Fenris, she had promised to aid him when the time came. She had promised as much to Isabela and her relic, Merrill and her mirror… They would all think she had deserted them. They would hate her for breaking her promises. She couldn't do this anymore, she couldn't choose between her Mother and her friends. She sagged her shoulders in defeat as the memory of Carver's gaunt face begging her to take care of Mother no matter the cost, it quelled all the other images that rose in her mind.

"You are right," she said, her tone quiet as she felt the last piece of her freedom ebb away for the sacrifice she decided to make. She bowed her head low, not wanting her mother to see the horror on her face. Maybe this would anchor her; maybe this could help her be normal. She could try to be normal, she needed it. She needed something to rein her in, because if it didn't everything she loved would crash and burn.

Her mother stopped breathing for a moment. Hawke looked up from her fringe and saw her mother's shocked expression. Her mother took a few steps towards her and closed the gap between them and embraced her tightly. She tried to smile but all she could see were her friends' faces.

But Carver's face would swim to the front of her mind, his breathing hoarse as he begged her to make their mother happy no matter what the cost.

She held back her pain as her mother viewed her face, happy tears crashing from her mother's weary eyes. Carver was right, Mother had seen too much; seen too many of her loved ones die.

"Welcome home, Aria Amell."

Hawke tried to ignore the single tear that slid down her face as her mother embraced her once again.