I'm going to be totally honest with you here, guys. I need reviews. I am one of those people who needs as much tangible proof as possible that they are appreciated, and the only way to get that on a site like fanfiction is by getting reviews or private messages. And a review is a whole lot easier, don't you think? So, at the end of this chapter, just send me a few words, if you please! Every review makes me that much more excited to get my next chapter out. Ideally, I'd get around eight reviews a chapter…
Here it comes, people. THE CHAPTER WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. Me especially. I never thought I'd get all the way here! As an added bonus, it's really long!
Disclaimer: I stake no claim to Ouran or its characters, per usual.
Diary excerpt
I have been in love for six months. I'm still not entirely convinced I haven't been walking through dreams. I'm terrified I'll suddenly wake up from a coma or something and realize it's all been an illusion unraveling inside my head. Sometimes I have nightmares about that, and being able to dream makes me feel like I'm truly in reality. But the strongest anchor I have is Tamaki. Because everything about him feels real in every way. Each potent emotion I experience with and through him, each expression crossing his flawless features, and especially each kiss. Lord, if I've dreamed up the feel of those lips on mine, please don't let me wake up.
Four months, I've been his girlfriend. By some miracle, the only people who know are us and the club, although a few girls have caught on to something. They don't realize exactly how great that something is, though, and I thank God for that. The longer I can put off being torn to pieces by a mob of angry fangirls, the better.
It felt like a normal day. I woke up and didn't feel any different than I had felt going to bed yesterday, even though today was different. I didn't have school today, at the very least. That should account for something. I could spend all day trying to make it feel different, because I felt like it should. Because today was not a normal day – it was the one day of the year that was supposed to revolve around me.
Birthdays are strange to me. I haven't celebrated mine since my father died, because I've felt no reason to celebrate since his death. Celebrating a birthday seemed so very narcissistic to me. What had I done to deserve to have my life celebrated? Caused my sister's death? My birthday didn't seem so much a celebration of my life but a reminder that I didn't deserve to have it – and yet, there I was, anyway.
Of course, my boyfriend wouldn't dream of allowing me to treat my birthday as just another day. For two weeks Tamaki had adamantly protested against exactly that, and because I loved him too much to refuse him for too terribly long – and a few persuasive kisses didn't hurt – I finally conceded. We would celebrate my birthday his way, though he assured me I would have full veto power if there was anything I didn't like. It was going to be my birthday, he constantly reminded me. Birthdays are the one day where anything you wish for should be possible.
I argued that I could wish for a unicorn as much as I wanted and that wouldn't make them real. He claimed he'd superglue a horn to a white horse and coat it with silver glitter until I had no choice but to believe. I had cleverer teasing remarks up my sleeve to counter him, but he amused me so much that I let him win that one. I'd come out of several of our joking squabbles as the victor; I had to remind myself that I had to let him win sometimes.
I rolled out of bed trying to force myself to feel excited, but I couldn't. Today was normal. The fact that the date was the same as that of the day I was born seventeen years ago seemed little more than coincidence. I didn't feel any older than I was yesterday. It wasn't as though there were especially large changes that came with the transition from being sixteen to being seventeen.
I already felt old enough, I thought a little resignedly as I stepped into the shower. I was quite a bit older than several of my classmates. I had six months on the twins, and a little under a year on Haruhi, who had only just turned sixteen a couple weeks ago. I was the second oldest student in my class. The only thought that comforted me about being seventeen and still a first year was that the school year ended in a little less than a month, and then I'd be the second oldest second year.
Graduation. The word had been abuzz for a good month now, and Mori and Hunny had more guests than ever before to entertain during club meetings. Girls were trying to get their fill of the third years before they graduated and left us for University. I couldn't imagine the club without either of them. Mori and I were fairly close, though he knew a whole lot more about me than I did him, as he didn't talk nearly as much as I did. And Hunny was always good to hang around when you felt bad about yourself. He had a way of making you feel like the most wonderful person in the world. I'm not entirely sure he knows how to find the faults in a person; either that or he's just exceptional at finding the good in a person.
The hot water woke me up a considerable amount, and I examined my scars as I ran soap along my arms and legs. They had gotten me looks, some condemning and some merely curious, more than I cared to count in the past few months. Since my arms no longer had to be bandaged and were covered in only scars, not angry red scabbing lines, I had fewer qualms about wearing shorts and sleeveless shirts. I avoided them when I was alone, as those wary looks from strangers set my skin to crawling with irritation, but when I was with Tamaki, I cared little what those other people thought – or, at least, Tamaki kept me too invested in kisses and conversation to notice.
I stood in my closet for a good five minutes wondering what to wear. Today was special, after all, even without the feeling that should have come with it. I knew Tamaki would be over any minute. The clock on my wall displayed numbers creeping towards eight o'clock, which was the time I'd told Tamaki was the earliest I'd be taking visitors on the weekends. That rule had been established two months ago when he'd shown up at my door at a quarter to seven, insisting we seize the day with much enthusiasm.
I had thrown a shoe at him and gone back to sleep while he puttered around the kitchen, marveling at the various commoner items and wondering how on earth I'd managed to survive fending for myself the last two months. I may love the boy, but I had to put my foot down at messing with my already limited sleep schedule. After I finish my homework, I barely get to bed by midnight at the earliest. I need the weekends to sleep in.
Eventually I decided on a gray skirt that flared above my knees and a pink blouse that I'd never worn before – Mrs. Hitachin had gifted it to me last week when the club spent a day at the twins' mansion. Being a fashion designer, I suppose her strange obsessive-compulsion to dress up girls she deems "cute" the moment they step through her front door is understandable, but neither Haruhi nor I appreciated being paraded in front of the guys in various dressy outfits neither of us would ever have the gall to wear in public. I'd gotten the blouse and a few dresses as compensation, as had Haruhi, but I'd never dreamed I'd actually wear any of the things I carried home that day.
I was hastily running the blow dryer through my hair when I heard the doorbell ring sharply, two times in succession. That was how Tamaki alerted me that it was he who was standing on my doorstep. My hair only half-dry, I shut the blow dryer off and ran to the door to meet him. He grinned at me through the window as I unlocked the door, and his violet eyes sparkled the way they do when he's excited. He was wearing jeans and a blue button-down shirt half tucked in, which proved to me he had left his house in haste, eager to see me. I smiled at the thought.
When I opened the door, I gave him a playful chastising look and scolded him teasingly, "You know, it is my birthday. You could have let me sleep in a little."
He crossed the threshold in one stride, his smile stretching from ear to ear, and wrapped his arm around my waist. "Not a chance," he replied sternly, kissing my cheek once as I laughed and tried to catch his lips with mine. He pulled his face away too quickly for my attempt to be successful. "Not yet," he reprimanded me, though his grin gave his insincerity away. "You'll have plenty of kisses later. For now, finish getting ready. We're starting this day properly, and you're going to have fun on your birthday and like it!"
His mood was contagious, and I suddenly understood why a majority of the planet's population love to celebrate their birthdays. But I wasn't about to be outdone. It was my birthday, and I was going to get what I wanted today of all days. "Denying the birthday girl a kiss?" I pouted, leaning my face temptingly towards his. "You told me anything I wish for today should be possible."
Tamaki chuckled. "And what are you wishing for exactly, Samayu?"
"A kiss, to begin with," I informed him shamelessly. "And then I'll go finish getting ready and you can take me anywhere you have planned."
He shook his head, feigning disappointment in both of our lacks of self-restraint, and asked with an exaggerated sigh, "How can I ignore a request like that?" He closed the distance between our lips, and I prepared myself for a kiss that made me experience trembles of delight and made me lose all awareness of anything but Tamaki, but even as I parted my lips, inviting him to a taste, he drew back.
"Tamaki," I protested as he released me and gave me a nudge towards my living room.
"You asked for a kiss; that was a kiss," he replied, grinning devilishly. I knew he enjoyed teasing me with kisses, to make me bend to his will. "Finish getting ready, and maybe in the car you'll have more."
Knowing he had won the battle, but determined I would not lose the war, I merely gave him a curt nod and scampered back to my bathroom to finish drying my hair and put some makeup on. I didn't usually indulge in makeup, either, but today was my birthday. Today was special. For the first time all morning, I truly felt it, too.
Breakfast was a lavish affair, which I don't typically go for, but I had fun nonetheless. Tamaki took me to a café. Not just any café – a notoriously expensive one, the kind of place the media hangs around waiting for celebrities. And the heiress to Mitsurugi Group and Yojin Oil being taken to breakfast by Tamaki Suoh, who only may be inheriting the Suoh estate and everything that goes with his family name, was evidently worth media attention. I was infinitely grateful Tamaki had reminded to me to grab a jacket before we'd left my house, hiding my scars in the process as he ushered me into the café and refused to admit to any of the paparazzi that we were, in fact, in a relationship. Let them wonder, he told me later. We know the truth.
I reminded him that girls at our school read the magazines those reporters worked for like religious works necessary for salvation. He kissed me inside, away from prying eyes and cameras, and made me forget any worries I had. We would pull through. Tamaki was the best at pulling through. I've witnessed it countless times.
Still, this is why I avoid the "rich" parts of town. It's this crap from photographers and reporters for entertainment and business magazines that I can't stand. This is my life, not an article in a magazine. And there are too many things about my life that I would like to keep private.
The coffee was rich, the pastries delicate, and the company phenomenal. I can't remember ever having fun at a fancy breakfast, but this was purely enjoyable. Tamaki had good news to share with me. He was making headway with his grandmother, who would ultimately decide whether or not he inherited the Suoh estate, and he wasn't far from being moved from the second mansion into the main house. His delight was contagious, although there were those lingering pangs of depression stabbing at the recesses of my heart when I remembered my own exile from my family's mansion. Over nine months it had been now, and it still didn't hurt any less as the day my mother threw me out.
"So, do I get to know in advance the plans you've made for today, or am I simply along for the ride?" I inquired as we were preparing to leave, mustering up our courage to brave another barrage of camera flashes and irritating questions from nosy reporters. I would have been lying if I said not knowing didn't bother me – it was driving me crazy.
"And spoil the surprise?!" Tamaki asked in mock horror that I would dare to even ask such a question. "Absolutely not! Rest assured, my dear, you will enjoy it."
"Tamaki… is this a joke?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip and fighting back several all too painful memories as I stared at the magnificent brown and white creature before me.
His smile faltered. "You don't like it," he stated with a tone of mortification as he examined the sudden look of sadness on my face as memories of a ranch in America and a crumbling barn assaulted me. He slowly dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, trying to turn me away. "I'm sorry, Samayu, I just… I thought…"
I pulled away from him and turned back to look at the horses, a beautiful white mare worthy of my knight in shining armor, and the other a brown and white pinto; a real-life Nimblefoot, and I knew Tamaki meant that horse to be mine for a ride specifically. "I don't want you to apologize," I whispered, my voice surprisingly clear. "This is a wonderful gesture, Tamaki, but I just… I keep seeing the accident in my head and I'm terrified I'm going to start crying and absolutely ruin this entire thing for you."
"Oh, Samayu… I've made you unhappy," he murmured, clutching at my hand again and kissing my brow.
But I shook my head. "I'm not unhappy! Tamaki, you have no idea how much I've missed horseback riding, but I don't want to ruin this for you when you're so enthusiastic. I'm not sad," I repeated when he cast me a skeptical gaze. And I wasn't. I had expected that I would be, when presented with the prospect of getting back onto another horse, but as I looked at them anticipation was spreading through my core and the memories of the tragedy that had happened so many years ago, while still poignant, were not as prevalent as I thought they would be.
"Do you want to ride?" Tamaki asked softly, looking back towards the horses.
I took a deep breath. "Just… kiss me one more time," I breathed, knowing by the way the corners of his lips twitched that he would be only too happy to comply. "And then I want to ride a horse."
A kiss to make me forget everything but the fact that the boy I love is at my side, at least for a little while. A kiss to make everything but the anticipation of a ride and the incredible infatuation I found myself drowning in with every soft grazing of lips disappear. I could get on a horse without guilt or regret after a kiss, and by the time the memories returned it would be too late and the exhilaration would overpower them.
Tamaki closed the gap and pressed his lips to mine, and I closed my eyes and succumbed.
We dismounted an hour later for a short break, and I couldn't have been happier. My hair was windswept and my cheeks were pink, and I was wearing one of the most genuine smiles that have ever crossed my lips. It had been too long, and I couldn't believe I hadn't gone in search of a horse to ride before today. The rocking gait of a horse at a walk was soothing; trotting took such excessive concentration that there simply wasn't any time to consider the memories lingering in the back of my mind and loping, even more so. But the feeling I had missed the most was that of the wind assaulting my face and making my hair swirl around me uncontrollably in the midst of a gallop, the horse lunging with each footfall to propel itself forward, airborne and weightless for moments below me.
Tamaki was not nearly as comfortable on a horse. The one time he attempted something faster than a trot, he panicked and yanked on his horse's reigns until she had stopped and was tossing her head in irritation, frustrated by her rider's confusing commands. Tamaki kept her at a steady walk or, when he felt particularly brave, a slow trot, which I kept telling him was a whole lot rougher to endure than a quicker pace, unless of course, you're a connoisseur at posting, which he obviously wasn't. I loped and galloped my horse in weaving patterns and circled back to him every few minutes or so, and he would laugh at the pure ecstasy written in my expression.
"You are so beautiful," Tamaki told me, wrapping his arms around me from behind as I tied his horse to a tree for him.
I gestured towards the jeans and plaid shirt I had been given to change into before we had departed – Tamaki had been given similar clothes – and turned around in his embrace. "You mean you like shabby clothes and wild hair on the girl who just rode circles around you?" I asked teasingly.
He chuckled and brushed my wild hair out of my face. "Correction. I like you in spite of the fact that your hair is wild and your clothes are shabby and you just rode circles around me."
I feigned a cringe. "Ouch."
"You are so beautiful," he repeated himself, and almost as if to prove that he meant what he said, caught my lips in a kiss even as I laughed.
Four months and I still find myself trying to memorize every angle of his lips, his mouth, and I still experience incredible tremors that course through my body, a delicious heat radiating through my belly and up and down each of my limbs. Kisses make the world fall away until there is nothing but passion and desire it its wake. No matter how many times we kiss, my want-hazy mind steals away all rational thought until all I can do is wish for moments like this never to end, and when they come to their inevitable conclusion, leave me aching for more and awaiting the next kiss with a desperate longing.
"Thank you for this," I whispered, smiling against his mouth, and he drew away with reluctance, looking into my eyes with a gaze that pierced my soul as I saw the happiness in them.
"Anything," he reminded me gently. "It's your birthday, remember? I'd do anything to make sure today is one of the best days of your life."
"You can consider yourself successful," I laughed, drawing away and plopping myself down onto the ground with little care that I would get dirty.
Tamaki lowered himself down a little more carefully, but he was grinning nonetheless. "A success already and we haven't even made it to lunch."
"You're wonderful," I informed him, smiling. He chuckled and reached out a hand to start combing tangles out of my hair with his fingers. I sighed contentedly and scooted a little closer to him. "Tamaki?" I asked.
"Yes?" I felt his fingers pause in their path as he awaited my question.
"Why did you arrange this for me? I told you I couldn't ride anymore because of what had happened… and yet, here we are. We've just dismounted for a break and are about to climb back onto a pair of horses to return them to their stables." I looked back at him, smiling encouragingly to let him know that I wasn't berating his gift to me. "I love this so much, but I still don't understand."
He let my hair trickle through his fingers and fall into place, and then sat back on his palms. Looking at a point just past my left shoulder, he told me, "Because I didn't want you to be sad anymore."
"Sad…" I echoed the word, swallowing back a lump in my throat with the abrupt weight of the moment. It had been so light and airy seconds ago, but now the heaviness of serious emotion had overtaken us.
Tamaki sighed and moved his hand so it covered mine. "Samayu… bad things happen to good people. And you are a good person. Not perfect, because no one is perfect – no, not me either," he chuckled when I opened my mouth to joke about his frequent bouts of narcissism.
He shook his head and continued. "But I want you to realize that all the bad things that have happened to you are not your fault. If you were… punishing yourself for what happened to Maika by depriving yourself of something you love, I wanted for you to end that. Because what happened was an accident. It wasn't your fault. If I could make every hurt you have vanish, I would, but all I can hope to do is make it hurt a little less. And this is the beginning." He smiled slightly, reaching his hand out to catch the tear that slid down my cheek. "So don't be sad anymore." He stood up and picked me up off the ground as I quivered, trying not to burst into tears.
I have been waiting seven years for someone to tell me Maika's death wasn't my fault. Nobody ever did, not even my dad, and since no one told me I hadn't caused her death, I started to twist the accident into the truth, turning my reality from what had happened being a tragic mishap into knowing I caused my sister's death.
I wrapped my arms around Tamaki and buried my face in his chest, my brow at the hollow of his throat as a sob slipped through my clenched teeth. Another followed until I was a mess of shaking limbs and tears as all those dreadful memories turned hazy at the edges as I at last allowed myself to let go of the guilt and the blame that has been crushing my heart for seven years. Tamaki's arms enveloped me in an embrace, holding me against him with all the tenderness in the world. All I could say, over and over, was thank you. I couldn't manage to gather myself enough to express my gratitude to him for so much more than the horseback ride coherently, but he seemed to understand.
"There's more?" I asked disbelievingly as we drove to our next destination, which Tamaki refused to reveal to me. "What else could you possibly have planned for today?"
He beamed at me as he glanced out the window, as though he was looking for something outside as the world rolled past us. "You didn't think the day was over already, did you?" he asked teasingly, squeezing my hand as he spoke.
"I can't imagine there's anything else…" I trailed off as the car came to a stop in front of a park. "What's going on? Why are we stopping here?" I inquired, looking out the window skeptically. I know Tamaki has a strange fascination with commoner antics, but a park was the last thing I had in mind for what could be on today's agenda. I had been half-expecting to revisit the aquarium, to perhaps revisit our first real kiss.
Tamaki clambered out of the car without answering me and rushed to my door, throwing it open with an eager expression on his face and beginning to pull me out before I had even undone my seatbelt entirely. Laughing, I inquired, "What on earth could have you so riled up?"
"Come on, quickly!" Tamaki begged as I stood and smoothed out my skirt, which I had changed back into upon our arrival back at the stables, moving at a pointedly leisure pace to torment Tamaki just a little bit. "Why are you so slow?!" he demanded impatiently.
"Does it annoy you?" I asked, smiling sweetly up at him as I lifted my weight onto my toes so I was tall enough to bestow a kiss to his cheek.
He leaned away from the kiss rather than into it, and my lips caught nothing but empty air. I huffed my discontent with him, and he laughed. "You will be my destruction," he declared amusedly. "If I kiss you now, I'll be so distracted by you that I'll forget the surprise."
I swallowed back the remark rising in my throat that would tell him to forget and just kiss me already. He was so excited… it made me loath to break the pleasant atmosphere we'd been enshrouded in for a majority of the day. But I must have looked dejected nonetheless, and with a half-hearted groan, Tamaki leaned his face forward and caught my lips in a quick, shallow kiss that held none of our usual fervency and succeeded in doing little more than make the slightest shiver dance down the length of my spine. Smiling, Tamaki asked, "Will that be enough to tide you over for a little while?"
"It was barely enough," I complained with a simpering smile, leaning my face towards his still, inviting him to another kiss. I had grown quite adept at manipulating him into doing what I wanted in the last few months – the slightest whine and an open invitation usually got me the kisses I so desperately yearned for.
"You little vixen!" Tamaki exclaimed fondly, wrapping an arm around my waist and steering me resignedly away from the car and into the recesses of the park. "Now see what you've done? You've made me much less enthusiastic about my plans when remaining here and kissing you is a much more enticing option!"
"I think I'd be fine with that."
"Of course you would, but we have to get going. I told everyone we would be there five minutes ago," Tamaki said, quickening our pace.
I looked at him in confusion, unsure if I had heard him correctly or if what he had said was truly what he'd meant. "Everyone?" I repeated, getting an unpleasant feeling in my gut. Everyone probably entailed…
"They're here! They're here!" I heard Hunny's voice call out, and the small blonde shot out of the bushes with Mori trailing close behind him. Tamaki laughed at the mortification in my expression as Hunny raced up to me with an ecstatic grin plastered across his face and burst into a rather off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday," and I stared blankly back at him, trying to wrap my head around the fact that the rest of the Host Club was more than likely lurking somewhere nearby, waiting to pounce and embarrass me further.
"You look so surprised," Tamaki told me amusedly, kissing my temple in an attempt to calm me as my nerves went haywire. I had forgotten about the universal tradition of humiliating the birthday recipient. No wonder I hadn't found it too terribly difficult to cast aside such a tradition. I wasn't keen on continuing onward and being thrown into some impromptu birthday celebration in which the twins would surely have free reign to mortify me as they saw fit.
"Is it too late to go back to the car?" I asked, groaning as he nudged me forward after Hunny had finished serenading me.
"Much. Mori-senpai, is everyone here?" Tamaki asked as Mori and Hunny fell into step with us, wherever we were going. I still wasn't sure.
Mori nodded once, and Hunny was the one to articulate. "Everybody found the place fine! Haruhi brought her dad, and Mori and me brought Chika-chan and Sato-chan, and Hika-chan and Kao-chan brought their parents, and Kyo-chan's here, even though he didn't bring anybody, and Miss Midori came and—"
"Midori?" I interrupted, looking at Tamaki for an explanation. "What is all this, Tamaki? Why did everybody bring their families with them?" I had met Hunny's younger brother a few times, and he'd taken a liking to me as a down-to-earth person, and the one time I'd met Mori's younger brother I'd absolutely adored him, but that hardly warranted reasons for why they would come celebrate my birthday – they barely knew me. I was shocked Kyoya even showed up, and as for the twins' parents, well… Mrs. Hitachin had certainly taken an incredible liking to me, and Mr. Hitachin I had barely spoken to when I'd met him. The man didn't have much presence.
Honestly, there were only a few people that made sense. There was Haruhi and her dad, who I've spent many a night hanging out with in both Haruhi's apartment and my house. Her dad's a weird guy – a transvestite, which sort of threw me off at first, but he's all right. He was a little too enthusiastic that his little girl finally found a girlfriend to bond with, and he loves to tease Haruhi about her crush on Hikaru – because it is obvious there is a crush. Mori, Hunny, and the twins made obvious sense, because they're my friends.
Actually, Midori was one of the few people I actually wanted to spend my birthday with. In the past four months she's turned into one of my only confidantes, practically taken up the role of my surrogate mother. She's always there for me, unless she's working, but even then the first thing she does when she gets off if I've called during her shift is call me right back, and if I don't answer, comes over to my house to talk. I trust her wholeheartedly and talk to her over the phone almost every day I don't see her in person. We get coffee all the time, and even go shopping or to the movie theater. Aside from Tamaki, she's easily my best friend.
By the time we arrived at the clearing where the motley crew gathered to celebrate my existence was awaiting my arrival, I had almost made peace with the prospect of it. I had been expecting to be inundated with birthday well wishes. I had been anticipating having a lot of people hug me, which I still wasn't comfortable with from people aside from Tamaki and Midori. And there was all that, of course. But I had NOT expected Tamaki to arrange for all of us of the wealthy community plus a doctor of respectable middle-class and two commoners to play a myriad of commoner's games that involved an exorbitant amount of running back and forth, counting to a hundred, hiding in bushes and (for the exceptionally daring) up trees, and the occasional dog pile as people tried to prevent someone from catching a Frisbee.
It was like an extended version of the day we'd spent playing red-light-green-light and kick-the-can for a school newspaper article that was never written due to various circumstances of the newspaper club's corruption, except for there were a lot more games played today and a whole lot more enthusiasm on everyone's part. The twins were masters at ultimate Frisbee while Haruhi and I failed miserably at it; Hunny and Yasuchika dominated at kickball, and Mori and Satoshi were instant pros at softball.
(I feel that I should mention that during both kickball and softball, I spent a majority of my time running away from the namesakes of both games.)
After a rousing game of hide-and-seek in which I had been the second to last person to be found by our seeker, Kyoya, leaving Mr. Fujioka – who prefers to be called Ranka – the victor who was now driving everybody crazy with his overzealous exclamations of having won, I decided it was high-time to sit down for a few minutes and catch my breath.
I seated myself beneath a tree as I watched Tamaki gather everyone who was still eagerly participating (namely, everyone who was not me, Mrs. Hitachin, or Kyoya) together for a game that's title I must have misheard – honestly, what sort of game is called duck-duck-goose? – a smile lingering on my lips and slightly out of breath. I had climbed a tree to hide in, a pine tree thick with needles to conceal myself, and getting up the tree had knocked the wind out of me only slightly more than getting down the tree had. As I picked needles clinging stubbornly to my clothes away and discarded them, someone lowered themselves down next to me.
"I suppose I should wish you a happy birthday, Miss Yojin," a pleasant male voice said, and I looked up into the face of a man I'd only ever seen before in pictures.
"Mr. Suoh," I greeted him, a little taken aback by his sudden appearance, and somewhat mortified that he was sitting on the ground next to me in a very expensive suit. "What are you doing here?"
"Tamaki invited me to celebrate his girlfriend's birthday. I am terribly sorry I'm late – my meeting this morning ran much longer than I expect… what on earth are they doing?" he asked suddenly, distracted by the game the rest of the crowd was indulging in. Midori had just tackled Kaoru and was scrambling in the opposite direction, apparently claiming a role as the pursued instead of pursuer with the physical contact. I saw her claim Kaoru's vacated seat in the circle the group was sitting in, and Kaoru set to walking leisurely around the circle, tapping every person's head until he came to Tamaki. He rapped my boyfriend's head with vigor and bolted, and Tamaki scrambled to his feet, attempting in vain to catch up to the twin.
"I'm not exactly sure," I said as I scrutinized the game, trying to see the aim. "I believe the object is to run around in circles and choose to be chased by people you know you can outrun."
Mr. Suoh laughed as Tamaki raced as fast as he possibly could away from Ranka. "It doesn't surprise me that Tamaki loves these games. He never played anything like them as a child." He looked at me and smiled warmly. "And yourself? What do you think of them?"
"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel, exactly," I said jokingly, pulling a few pine needles out of my hair. "For most of them I'm so out of breath I can't focus on having fun!" I looked fondly back at Tamaki and then added, "In all honesty, I do enjoy them. I used to have a little sister I played with, but she hated being outside unless she was on horseback. I played dolls with her instead and let her put on countless pretend tea parties. All held indoors, of course."
Mr. Suoh took a long moment to speak. He was staring at me intently, and I held his gaze, marveling at how exactly like Tamaki's they were. I had grown so adept at reading the emotions in Tamaki's eyes in the past four months, and his father was little different. I could see pride and approval behind his eyes. "Miss Yojin, I can definitely see why Tamaki took a liking to you. You're good for him."
"He's good for me," I smiled back. "I'd be a very different person right now if it wasn't for your son." I shuddered to think about where I would be if Tamaki wasn't in my life. My arms would be mutilated still and my heart still hidden behind a brick wall – if, that is, I wasn't dead by Raito's hands.
"You know, he gave me a painting you did of him to me for my birthday. I was appalled by the professional quality of it. You have quite a gift." Mr. Suoh's flattering sentiment brought a blush to my cheeks.
"Thank you," I said softly, turning my attention back to the game for a few moments. I watched Haruhi give up on catching Satoshi and resignedly watch him plop himself down in her recently vacated spot. I wondered what it was Mr. Suoh had really come over here to say. He had the same look about him that Tamaki gets when he has something pressing on his mind.
"Miss Yojin… Samayu," he said hesitantly, replacing the politer title with something more familiar, and I looked back at him, a little surprised by his boldness. "I would like to thank you very much. Since he met you, Tamaki has taken his life much more seriously. My mother is pleased with him – she confided in me only an hour ago that she is going to extend to him an invitation to join the main house."
Tamaki has been part of the second house his whole life. As his father's illegitimate child with a French woman and not the wife his father had long since divorced, he has been attempting for years, ever since he was fourteen, to prove himself to his grandmother, the head of the Suoh household. He sacrificed everything for that. His mother was sickly, and his grandmother agreed to pay for her treatment… but only if Tamaki came to Japan and agreed to cut all ties with his mother. And Tamaki did it – to save his mom. I could only ever dream of loving my own mother so much I'd do that for her. And it broke my heart, knowing the way Tamaki's was already broken from that entire ordeal. It shocked me he was as jovial as he was, with such heartache always lingering in his past.
Which is why the grin that crossed my lips was inevitable. I couldn't fight it back, nor did I want to. All those sacrifices, finally coming to fruition. "That's wonderful news!" I exclaimed delightedly, imagining the overjoyed expression on Tamaki's face when he heard the news. How his eyes would sparkle!
Mr. Suoh seemed equally as excited. "Yes, but don't let him know just yet. She'll ask him formally in a few days, and you had better act surprised when he tells you!"
"Yes, sir!" I agreed with an obedient nod, going so far as to offer him a playful salute.
Mr. Suoh looked me over approvingly. "You'll make a fine wife for my son one day, Samayu. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd rather like to go play this perplexing commoner's game with my son."
And he made his escape, surely as I was blushing scarlet all the way down to my toes. Marriage?! Wife?! I hadn't given a thought to my future with Tamaki! Good lord, I'd never given any thought to my future at all! I'd always assumed it would end in blood, either suicide or a cutting mishap… I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life now that I was going to allow myself to have one, and I certainly hadn't considered the inevitable outcome of dating Tamaki… if we stayed this way, happy and in love, for a couple more years, marriage was only to be expected. Did I want that? As sure as I am that I never want to leave Tamaki, or be without him… marriage is a huge step.
Thank god I still have a few years to figure it out. I mean, we couldn't even think about marriage until after high school. I'm worrying myself over nothing, surely.
Tamaki truly outdid himself today. The gathering of everyone turned quickly from a meeting of teenagers and adults to run around playing a bunch of kids' games into a full-on commoner's picnic/barbeque extravaganza, and after the food had been demolished and the twins had sort of accidentally-on-purpose exploded the cake with trick candles (after which Tamaki chased them around breathing fire), most everyone pulled me into the throng, ignoring my avid protests, sang a round of "Happy Birthday," and, at last, departed, leaving Tamaki, Midori, and me in the clearing alone, surrounded by the chaotic aftermath of this strange celebration and with a pile of gifts to be opened at a later time.
I looked around, beginning to feel the exhaustion of the day, and asked reluctantly, "Should we clean this up? Or try to, at least?"
Tamaki shook his head and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "No, there should be a crew coming in about ten minutes. As if I'd allow you to clean on your birthday!"
Midori laughed. "You see, that's why I like you so much. You're fantastically rich, it's your birthday, and yet you still offer to clean up this disaster."
"I'm not that good of a person," I mumbled, blushing. "It's not as though I was enthusiastic about it."
"But you offered," Midori insisted, grinning back at me. "And that makes all the difference. Now, I'm sure you wouldn't object to coming to see a movie with myself and Mr. Suoh here? I'm afraid I didn't get you a gift, with the short notice, so this one's on me."
A dark movie theater where I wouldn't have to run around playing children's games, could lose myself briefly in a world of fiction, and nobody was supposed to talk? "Yes, please."
"You know, I enjoy horror movies to an extent," I commented as we came out of the theater, feeling rejuvenated by two blissful hours of nothing but sitting in the dark, albeit the adrenaline racing through my veins from having the wits scared out of me more than once. "Being scared is kind of fun."
"I'm glad you think so," Tamaki, still a pasty shade of white, mumbled, unable to look me in the eye. "I missed half that movie. How did it end?"
"The girl died in the end," Midori informed him matter-of-factly, unshaken by the horrors just witnessed onscreen. She's never affected by thrillers. I enjoy a good jolt, but I don't take what exists in the world of fictitious horror to heart. Tamaki, it appeared, wasn't casting off his terror so easily.
"Is this why we only ever see comedies?" I probed, amused as I watched a little color return to Tamaki's cheeks. "You look like a ghost. Actually, I think I may very well be slightly deaf in my left ear – you were screaming so incredibly loud every five minutes."
"I apologize," Tamaki said sincerely, though his voice did shake slightly. "But, to answer your earlier question, this is exactly why I only ever take you to comedies. It's so you don't have to see me like this."
"Scaredy-cat," I teased, brushing a kiss to his cheek as the sleek black car pulled up to us on the curb. He blushed, the color returning to his face all at once. I smiled in satisfaction and turned to Midori. "Thank you for the movie. I loved it."
"You're welcome, hon," she smiled back, wrapping me in a quick one-armed hug. "I have to get back to the hospital. Happy birthday, Samayu."
"Bye, Midori." I waved at her as she left, scampering across the parking lot to her car. "I'm sorry I chose a horror movie," I apologized to Tamaki once she had gone. "I didn't realize you didn't like them."
At last, Tamaki's lips stretched into a smile. "I didn't mind it too much. It's what you wanted, after all, and you deserve to have that for your birthday. I'm glad you didn't know; you wouldn't have chosen what you truly wanted."
"You spoil me too much!" I laughed as he opened the car door and I crawled in.
Sliding into a seat next to me, he informed me, "And that is because you, my dear, deserve to be spoiled." He glanced at the driver and asked for him to take us back to his mansion, please, and then turned his attention back to me, as though he hated not to look at me for even a moment. I blushed to consider that.
Dinner was a quiet affair with little theatrics, thank the lord. Tamaki admitted he originally wanted the servants to all sing yet another round of "Happy Birthday" to me after dinner, when we indulged in vanilla-caramel ice cream and chocolate cupcakes, but after the way I'd turned as red as a tomato being serenaded by everyone at lunch, had called it off. He insisted I open the gifts everyone had left for me at the park, which he'd had delivered to his mansion, and I obliged.
Haruhi and her father had made me a cookbook, which made me laugh when I looked through it. Haruhi had written notes in the margins of some of the pages, notes about what I should not do – a record of all the stupid mistakes I'd made when I was still in the early stages of learning to cook for myself. In the back of it I found instructions on doing laundry, another tribute to my early days of fending for myself.
The twins had gotten me an enormous stuffed horse – they'd been teasing me incessantly about Nimblefoot ever since I made good on my promise to Hunny and introduced him to my stuffed horse. They obviously fancied themselves quite the comedians. But I loved the horse anyway. It was about as big as I was.
From Mr. and Mrs. Hitachin, a box filled with new clothes of Mrs. Hitachin's design and a note extending an invitation to come over whenever I wanted; there were so many fashions Mrs. Hitachin was eager to try out using me as her model. I thought, what the heck? Maybe one day I'll take them up on that offer.
From Hunny, a stuffed bunny comparable to the famous Usa-chan and a very generous, even by wealthy standards, gift card to one of the city's finer bakeries, a place which he doubtlessly frequented – they were universally considered to make the best cakes in all of Japan.
Mori got me books, and I was appalled he'd been listening as intently as he had obviously been – we often discussed books, but he remembered so many titles I'd mentioned, titles I myself had even forgotten. I'd have enough new reading material to last me a year – and I read fast.
Yasuchika and Satoshi, Hunny and Mori's respective younger brothers, had been so obviously clueless as to what a teenage girl they barely knew would want that they got me the most generic present they could think of – a basket of various and assorted makeup, nail polish, lotions, perfumes, and the like. It was a rather large basket, and I wondered if, even if I used a little bit of something from it every day, I would have exhausted it entirely by the time my life ran out.
From Kyoya, art supplies. I was shocked that he'd gotten me anything at all, let alone the nice new sketchbook and charcoal pencils. I speculated that he may feel just a smidgen of guilt for the way he revealed to Tamaki that I was a rape victim; perhaps this was his way of relieving himself of any lingering culpability.
The last gift I opened was from Mr. Suoh, and I gasped to behold the necklace in its velvet case. It was so beautiful, so me, that I was almost alarmed by how well a man I'd met only once seemed to know me. Tamaki told me he talked to his father about me all the time, but this… The chain was thin and silver, and when I would put it on, the three ruby pendants, the center one larger than the other two, would hang over the hollow of my throat.
"Would you help me?" I begged Tamaki, handing him the box and watching him pull the necklace from inside. He undid the clasp, fumbling slightly with the tiny mechanism, and I lifted my hair out of the way as Tamaki draped the necklace over my collarbone and clasped it over the nape of my neck. I fingered the necklace, delighted.
"It looks beautiful on you. Do you like it?" Tamaki asked, and he looked pleased as I nodded vigorously, lost for words to be given such a wonderful gift. Tamaki reached out and slid two delicate fingers along the silver chain, his soft fingertips occasionally striking my collarbone, and goose bumps erupted over my skin at the contact. "I'm glad," he said, watching, amused, as I blushed. "I helped him pick it out."
"You're amazing," I told him, leaning forward. Knowing my intentions, he leaned in and met me halfway, our lips meeting. But this kiss, too, was fleeting, and he pulled away much too soon for my liking. "Tamaki," I complained.
"I have one more thing for you," he told me, smiling slyly as he picked himself up off the couch. "Close your eyes."
"What are you talking about?" I protested at once, though I obeyed. "You gave me today. Any more would be too much, much too much." Because he was already too wonderful for me, and tempting to break the already fragile balance we maintained as a couple would surely send karma to knock my feet out from under me.
"Sshh," he cooed, and I felt him press a finger to my lips. "It's your birthday, and I wanted to get you something. If you don't want to think of it as a gift, then consider accepting what I offer to you as a favor to me."
I could only nod, wishing I could see what he was doing. Illusions danced across the backs of my eyelids, and I imagined any number of tokens he could give me, corporeal endowments that would somehow prove to me that he loved me. Perhaps Mr. Suoh's comment earlier took some toll on me, because for one frightening moment, I envisioned opening my eyes to see Tamaki knelt down on one knee, offering up a ring…
I shuddered and forced the image from my mind. Even Tamaki wouldn't go that far…
I gasped when music, beautiful music, began to encircle the room, originating from the piano in the corner of the living room. Though I hadn't been instructed to, I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at Tamaki, sitting on the bench before the piano, his body swaying with the music he created and a look of serenity gracing his beautiful features. Tears crept into my eyes and I didn't bother to wipe them away. This song, these smooth legato lines that spoke volumes to me, more than words ever could, was a manifestation of his feelings, and they mirrored mine.
Longing to be a more integral part of the music, I stood and, keeping my footsteps as light as I could, as though a single whispered footfall would break the spell, crept to the bow of the piano, watching Tamaki's fingers glide across the keys. Tamaki looked up at me, the melody never faltering, and smiled to regard my expression, knowing the tears making trails on my cheeks were proof I was touched to my very soul by this song. "I wrote this for you," he breathed, and the words weaved themselves into the music itself and made it that much more beautiful.
"You… you wrote it?" I whispered, cringing. My voice didn't seem to belong among these pianissimo notes.
"Well… I had some help from a composer," Tamaki admitted as the melody picked up its tempo, though only slightly. "But it is mostly my creation. And it's for you."
I choked on a sob in my throat and slid away from the bow, walking around Tamaki and stopping behind him to view his adept musician's fingers as he saw them. Being close to the music wasn't enough, though; I was still detached, still only an observer. I wasn't a part of it the way I wanted to be.
Slowly, I pressed my body against Tamaki's, and his muscles tensed as the tempo of the music faltered for only a moment before he corrected his mistake and picked it back up again. I smiled, knowing the effect I was having on him. I rested my cheek against his back and listened to the metronome beating of his heart, feeling my own heartbeat flutter and settle in a pace that matched his. His body swayed beneath me, comforting me, and reality blurred at the corners before everything faded and there was only him and the music, and only then did I shut my eyes and succumb to it entirely.
"I love you, Samayu," Tamaki sighed after a few blissful moments, and his words sent a tremor through my body as immediately tears spilled out of my eyes, and I sobbed as his words impacted me. Everything I had ever wanted, all encompassing me in this moment. I was safe and loved, and every second I spent listening to this song and being in his presence, knowing he loved me, loved me so much he would give me the whole world, became the new greatest, most cherished second of my life.
I opened my mouth, longing to echo the sentiment, but I choked on yet another sob and the words were lost. I clutched the fabric of his shirt in my small fists and prayed that I wouldn't ever have to let go, never have to move away.
But all songs have an ending, and as Tamaki's final chords swelled and unraveled around us, permeating the air with notes I could almost see, he turned around and took me into his arms, holding me and kissing me until I was so full of the knowledge that he had spoken true that there was simply no room in my head or my heart for any other emotion but the pure, golden sensation of unconditional love.
I couldn't stop smiling; nor did I want to. It held temporary permanence on my lips, and I was positive it would not fade anytime in the near future. Today was the best day of my life. My birthday, which I had wanted only two weeks ago to disregard, and I was infinitesimally grateful that I hadn't. How else would I have known such bliss, such perfection? My lips were sore and swollen from the sheer amount of kissing Tamaki and I had done tonight, and I didn't care. It was a temporary imperfection, but one that belonged only to him, and that fact alone made me forget about my tender mouth.
I had returned home by myself in a car Tamaki had gotten for me; he needed to call his grandmother with a report on something that had to do with business that I didn't quite understand by a certain time, but he kissed me long and passionately before I had finally departed, loath to end the time we spent together.
I prayed morning would come quickly as the car pulled up to the curb in front of my house. If Tamaki wasn't at my door by seven the next morning, I would go to his house and seek him out. Perhaps I would finally muster up the courage to tell him I loved him. He knew I did; how could he not? But I hadn't yet given him the words, and I dearly wanted to.
I got out of the car and it pulled away. The only gifts I'd brought with me were the necklace and the stuffed rabbit, leaving the rest intentionally at Tamaki's almost as a joke; I had an excuse to come back. Other than the fact that the man I love lives there.
I smiled to myself and hummed a few measures of the song, my song, as I mounted the steps leading to my front door and stuck my key into the lock.
The telltale click of the door unlocking never came, however. My door was unlocked.
My smile faltered. Had I left it unlocked this morning? I've never done that before! In my haste, had I neglected… but no, I distinctly remembered turning the key in the lock this morning, hearing it click shut. I remembered because Tamaki had been begging me to hurry, and I laughed as I performed the mundane but necessary task, promising it'd be just a second more.
Suddenly getting a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I pushed open my door. I heard nothing. Perhaps I hadn't heard the lock click this morning after all. Maybe I had turned the key the wrong way.
But then it came. The voice I fear the most, the only voice that could rip away my happiness and create a gaping hole in my chest, the only voice that could make all thoughts of love and bliss run screaming for the hills, leaving only terror in their wake. "Happy birthday, Samayu."
Tears clouded my vision already. No, I didn't want to die! Not yet! I'd only just found my happiness, and Tamaki… if my life ended, I'd never see Tamaki again… I'd break his heart… Oh, god, I imagined him at my funeral, crying over my cold, dead body in a coffin… those beautiful violet eyes shedding agonized tears over me…
That image gave me the strength to do what I never have before. "Get out of my house, Raito," I commanded, my voice firm, much to my shock. "Get out, before I call the police."
My stepfather chuckled, stepping towards me with open arms. "You always did enjoy your little jokes. I've missed you so much, dear."
I stepped away, not allowing him to come closer to me. "I said, get out, damn you. Go."
His pleasant expression flickered, and I saw true rage for a moment flash in his eyes. "Come now; I've waited so eagerly for our reunion. Didn't your mother tell you? You can come home. Where you belong."
"Where I belong is far away from you. Now get out, and don't make me say it again," I snapped, fear quickly replaced by fury.
Raito dropped all pleasantries altogether in light of my own new persona. Gone were the days I would let him approach me and tear the fabric away from my body without a fight. I would fight him with everything I had, all the vigor in my body, and he knew it. "What are you going to do?" he threatened in a low voice. "I've disconnected the phone lines. There's no one to save you. Stupid child. That spare key locked in a box beneath the porch, the combination your father's death date? Learn to be original, love."
"Don't you dare call me that," I snarled, the pet name I had heard so often infuriating me to no end, not now that I knew what love was, now that I loved Tamaki so deeply with every fiber of my being.
"Come here!" he hissed, ending our game of cat and mouse as he lunged for me with hands outstretched.
I did the only thing I could in the horror of the moment. Terror stole back into my mind, and my weaker self begged me not to fight him, to spare myself more pain than necessary. But the new Samayu wouldn't allow that, and somewhere in my fear-addled mind, logic took root. I knew I wasn't strong enough to fight him off, but I also knew my cell phone remained in my pocket.
I chucked my stuffed bunny into his face, momentarily immobilizing him as he figured out what exactly had attacked him, and scrambled into the hallway, shutting myself into the bathroom and locking the door just before Raito caught up to me. The door handle rattled and Raito was shrieking at me through the wood, demanding I come out.
My fingers shook as I pulled out my phone and it took me far too long to find Tamaki's number. I couldn't call. Text message, that was soundless. The door was shaking. Raito was trying to knock it over, and he was strong enough to do it, too. I jammed my fingers onto the buttons, trying to form a message that would make sense, sorting through even the simplest words in my brain that suddenly wasn't functioning properly.
In the end, the best I could do was HELP CALL POLIC RAITO
And I hit send just as the door came crashing down and Raito, rage contorting his usually handsome features into a face I could liken to the devil's, grabbed me by the collar of my blouse and threw me out of the bathroom. And as he stole upon me and fabric ripped and buttons popped and I clawed and struggled and bit at him, anything to keep his hands off of me when he was too strong, much too strong to fight off, all I could do was pray for deliverance.
And if I died tonight, pray that Tamaki would forgive me for leaving him. Pray. Dear God…
And that's a wrap on Chapter 36. Are you mad at me? You should be!
So, this was long and amazing to me, and if you think so too you should tell me. Private message me, give me reviews, anything! After all this time and effort, I really need the feedback! So much happened this chapter, guys, from love confessions to this final scene. You were wondering when the plot bunnies were going to come devour Raito? The hour is close at hand! But, I guarantee that hour will be that much closer if you review. What do you say? Give me about eight before I post my new chapter? I think, for this chapter, eight is more than a generous allotation…
Love you all and thanks for reading!
Phantom, out!