Rifiuto: Non Miriena

"Abba? Why is Ima angry?" Tim sighed, kneeling down and allowing Liron to rush to him. The little boy threw his arms around his father's neck, laying his head on his shoulder. He glanced at his oldest and his youngest, and then back to his middle child, before slowly pulling away.

"Because of the situation, sweetheart. Something like this isn't easy to deal with, and Ima's stressed. We just need to give her time. Okay?" The little boy nodded, before Tim glanced at his two other children, who also nodded. Then, Tim pressed a kiss to Liron's head, and stood.

As the kids returned to playing, Tim slipped out of the house; Ziva sat on the back porch, staring into space. Silently, he joined her, watching as she subconsciously caressed her belly. An old habit, he knew, from when she'd been stuck here all those years ago, pregnant with Asher and dreaming of a life with the father of her baby. She didn't look at him as she spoke, her tone soft.

"It's funny you know, the things we decide are worth something." He watched as she slowly lifted her tank up, exposing her slender belly. Gently, her hands caressed it, a habit she could never fully break herself of. "When I was pregnant with Asher, all I wanted was to flee Israel and find you. I dreamed of you coming back and searching for me, taking me away, or going to America and finding you. I imagined you being there when our baby was born, helping me... decorate the nursery and get ready for the birth... everything important. But my wishes never came true." She choked on a sob. "It took eight years for them to finally come true."

He sighed. "What is it you're looking for, Ziva? What is it you want? Are you not happy with our marriage, our life? Am I not good enough?" Slowly she turned to face him, seeing the fear in his eyes. Gently, she reached up, taking his face in her hands, stroking her thumbs against his cheeks.

"Oh Tim, you are perfect. You are everything I ever wanted. I love our marriage and I love our life together."

"Then why did you leave? Besides Parsa, why did you leave?" She swallowed.

"I have to do this alone, Tim." She took a deep breath, pulling away and returning her hands to her belly. "I have to let go of everything that's happened, or I will be pulled back to where I started, and I can't allow that. I would never survive it if I returned to where I started."

Tim's brow furrowed, confused by her statement. "I-"

She chuckled softly, tears in her eyes as she brushed her thumb over the skin of her belly. "I carried your children inside me; for nine months, I felt them grow, and move and... and the first time, I did it alone. Sure, Ima and Tali and Ari helped me, but... but for the majority of it, I was alone. I felt Asher form and grow and become a tiny human being from the moment we conceived, though at first I didn't know it. I felt him kick and stretch and hiccup and... and I felt him shift and become ready for birth... and when I went into labor, I..." She swallowed the tears in her throat. "I felt him move out of my body and come into the world. And... and he came into the world covered in birth and blood and fluid, with this... this head of dark curly hair and those beautiful blue eyes that changed to green and... and he was so tiny and so helpless and... and the most beautiful person I'd ever seen..."

She took a deep breath, sniffling. "He looked up at me, and I felt my heart break, because he was yours, and you were not there to meet him now that he was out in the world. And then..." She shrugged. "I lowered the strap of my top, and... I don't know how I knew, but... but I just guided his mouth to my breast, and he... he latched onto my nipple and began to nurse and... and it was comforting, listening to him suckle, feeling him drink the milk from my breast..." She took a deep breath, looking down at her lap. "And I... I started to wonder what would have been like if you had been with me. How you would have reacted to seeing our son after birth, to reach down between my legs with me and feel his head... to hold him immediately after he came out of me... I lived on those fantasies, on those dreams, for weeks, for months..." She met his gaze. "You gave me a reason to believe in hope, Tim. And if I lose that..."

She reached up, taking his face in her hands again. "If I lose that..." She sighed, swallowing as she pulled away. "There were times, when I felt NCIS take a piece of me. Little pieces at first, but... but still pieces. Pieces I only got back when I was home with you. Pieces I lost again when NCIS turned on us. And now... now I worry they may be gone forever."

Tim sighed; he understood where she was coming from. He also felt parts of him die while working at NCIS. But it was common, in their line of work, wasn't it? "Sometimes... sometimes life... sometimes it surprises you." She met his gaze, drinking in his words, arms around her knees.

"Aren't those the moments worth living for, Tim?" She asked, never breaking his gaze. "The moments that surprise you the most?" He thought a moment, nodding.

"I've always thought so, Zi." A smile slowly slid over her face.

"You called me 'Zi' again." She whispered, as tears came to her eyes. She had no idea why the simple use of his nickname for her upset her so much, but realized it was an upset in a good way. He shrugged, silent. Slowly, she leaned forward, tentatively capturing his lips in a soft kiss. A kiss that Asher saw from his place behind the doorway, where he was listening intently to his parents' conversation. When Ziva pulled away, she reached up, cradling his face in her hand, nuzzling her nose against his. "I love you, Tim. I have always loved you; I never stopped."

His response was the kiss her softly again.