Back to Scott.

How to make Susannah love me.

I scribbled it at the top of the list.

I was going to make a list. Just small things… and big things… to do. And by the time it was finished, she would be sure to fall in love with me. She had to.

I looked at the first thing on the list.

Quit smoking, for good!

I sighed. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." I mumbled, walking over to the shelf, grabbing each box.

One, two, three, four, five… six boxes of cigarettes on my shelf and table. I dumped them all in the garbage.

I winced, pouring the last box in. I tired the bag and threw it in the hall.

"Whats the next thing on that list?" I grumbled to myself, walking over to the table where it lay.

Learn how to cook a pot roast.

I closed my eyes. "I cant cook. Not anything but eggs and toast." I breathed through my nose. "Better get working."

- Jesse - -

"That cant be true." I breathed, choking on every word.

"I'll leave you, Mr. De Silvia. Your… girlfriend Is still in her hospital bed if you are in need to aquaint her."

I closed my eyes and wept.

How could this have happened?

--Suze—

Im proud of you, Susannah.

"I hate you, Julius!! Go Away!!" I yelled through broken hearted tears.

You did the right thing. You know it was the right thing to do. I mean, come on, how is a teenager like you and some guy from the 1850's going to raise a child properly? It cant be done. It would probably end up in Welfare, and you know it.

"Shut up!!" I squealed.

You know.

"I said shut up!"

Just listen. He's gone now. In heaven. He wouldn't be happy here. I know. I came back from the future to warn you.

I gaped. "D-did you?!?"

No! He laughed. I really got you there, didn't I?

I screamed. Loud. "No!!"

The sound of Matt's confused yelp rang in my ears. Why did I have to listen to Julius? Why did I have to kill my only son?

Scott –

"How hard can it be?" I asked myself, slipping the roast on the pan. "This'll be delicious."

I pushed t in the oven and pressed all the right buttons.

"There."

I sat back at the table and focused on the list.

Take down posters of Jessica Simpson.

I was glad that Susannah was too hungover to notice the Daisy Duke poster over my bed.

Very glad.

It was hard taking down the poster. At first I tried to not rip the corners, but I realized that I was throwing it out anyways, so I just ripped it.

A huge piece of it still hung on the wall. I had ripped it in half.

"Ah!" I yelped, looking up at the rest of Jessica's body on my wall. I painfully tore it down, crumbling it up quickly and chucking it in the garbage.

"Whats the next thing on that list?!?" I yelled, running to the table.

--Jesse—

I coughed.

"Paul, I know your doing this.." I whispered. "But why, Why him?"

I held my head. It ached to think about me, holding him after birth, rocking him back and forth…

He was like the only piece of me out there.

Gone.

"Oh, Matthew." I whispered. "Why did this have to happen to you?"

Susannah's mother came into my room and sat on the seat next to me.

"Jesse?" She asked in a quiet voice.

I didn't look up.

"I know you're upset…" She whispered, reaching her hand out. She pulled it back slowly. "Do you want to hold Elodie?"

I looked up. My face was red with anger, with frustration, with sadness. I nodded slowly.

She carefully handed me my daughter.

I cried still, rocking her in my arms.

She yawned and smiled. Like she was mocking me.

No, I corrected my self. She is trying to cheer you up. Look at you, you're a mess.

"Oh, Elodie." I whispered. I kissed her forehead. I breathed in the hospital air slowly.

I closed my eyes. I could die right there, in that moment.

"God, do you hate us?" I whispered. "Have we done so much wrong that you must punish us in this way?" a lonely tear skipped down my cheek. "I don't understand."

Elodie fell asleep in my arms, to my voice.

Susannah's mother lifted Ellie off my lap. I shut my eyes tightly.

I gasped for air, breathing awkwardly. I couldn't handle this.

Susannah –

Never got to say his first word.

Never got to take his first steps.

Never got to…

There were too many. All of these lists scrawled themselves into my head.

"Matthew…" I sobbed.

My mother walked in the hospital room and held my hand.

"They aren't going to let me see Elodie, are they?" I asked crying.

My mother looked at the ground. "Suzie, they want to do somethings… to check your mental state. They think something is wrong."

I shook my head. "This isn't me!" I yelled. "This is Julius!"

"Julius?" My mother asked, now crying herself.

"Yes, yes, it's Julius! This is his fault! He told me what to do!!"

"Your saying a boy… Julius… told you to smother Matthew?"

I sobbed, nodding.

"Susannah…" She just looked in my eyes. "Let them do the tests. Something is wrong."

I blinked. "Where is Jesse? He is going to hate me." So many things to cry about.

"They told him this afternoon." My mom assured, holding my hand and squeezing it.

"Did you see him?" I bawled. "Did you see how he felt?"

She nodded.

"He hates me!" I yelled.

She shook her head no. "He is just… upset. I don't think that they told him the cause of death yet honey."

I shook my head furiously. "He can never know!" I screamed. "Don't let them tell him!"

My mother just stared at the ground again. "I cant do anything, sweet heart. They already sent someone to tell him."