February 5, 2041: There's No Place Like Home

Clementine walked into the cozy living room of her and Carl's modest cottage. Michonne had already gone to bed and Clem was by herself. She kicked off her boots and fell into the comfort of the sofa. She had returned home from the long trip to Greensboro earlier that day. What she came home to was completely unexpected.

Michonne told Clem, Eva and the others about the strangers on the island and Maggie's abduction. Clem knew that Carl would be at the center of any confrontation or battle, and against Michonne's insistence, went looking for him. She had never been more relieved to be at the right place at the right time when she saw the woman with a gun to her husband's head. Without hesitation, she pulled one of her knives from the sheath on her leg and threw it precisely into the woman's hand, causing her to drop the gun pointed at Carl.

It was almost 10 PM now and Clem was happy to be in her own house. She was overjoyed to be back with Carl. She knew how desperately she needed a shower but her weary body needed rest more than it needed to be clean. Her hands immediately went to her massive stomach in front of her. She was 33 weeks along in her pregnancy but she felt like the size of a baby elephant. The action and excitement of the day had the two babies inside her practically doing somersaults and the exhilarating movement filled her with joy and anticipation. She was anxious to be done with the pregnancy and have her twins in her arms. Not just because she was ready to have her body back, but because she finally wanted to experience having a baby of her own.

This pregnancy was not Clem's first. This was in fact the fifth time Clem and Carl had been expecting. She first became pregnant when she was 22 years old but it never amounted to becoming a mother. She excitedly carried her and Carl's baby to term but the day she delivered was one of the darkest days of her life. The baby girl was stillborn. She was devastated to not only lose the child but to be taking fatherhood away from Carl for a second time.

The heartbreak was almost too much for Carl and Clementine to bear. When they weren't grieving, they were fighting. The loss took it's toll on the young couple and they unfairly took all their pain out on each other. It would have lead to the demise of their fledgling marriage if it hadn't been for the deep love and sheer stubbornness they both possessed. They barely got through that dismal chapter only to find out Clem was expecting again. She was 25 and Carl was 29. They were excited and certain that this time the pregnancy would end with a baby in their arms. It didn't. Clem lost the baby in her sixth month. When the loss of their second baby happened, their marriage was on much steadier ground. The anger they had towards one another the first time they lost a child was replaced with love and compassion the second time it happened. It strengthened their bond and they became more devoted to each other than ever before.

But after Clem had experienced two failed pregnancies, she was ready to give up. Being a mother wasn't worth the pain of burying another tiny baby in the ground. She could have lived very contentedly with Carl, but she knew how much he longed to be a father. He ached for it. He always had. He tried to hide it but she knew him too well. He told her that they didn't have to try for another baby but she knew that he only said that for her benefit. Clementine was in love with this man and more than anything wanted to give him the child he so desperately wanted. Before she was 30 years old, Clem became pregnant two more times. Two more times, she lost the babies.

Clementine was a strong, healthy and vibrant woman but she felt utterly betrayed by her body. She watched women all around her create life and have babies as if it was the easiest and most natural thing to do. Later Clem would watch her sister-in-law Judith have four babies in the span of just five years. Carl could see the way it was breaking her and decided that being a father would never be more important than the peace and happiness of the woman he loved. They both resolved that having a baby just wouldn't be a part of their lives. They stopped trying to get pregnant and in fact tried not to conceive.

After Carl and Clem moved on from that period of loss and disappointment, they were happy. Their marriage was stronger than ever and their roles as leaders on Penland Island factored prominently into their lives.

But then, nine years later, out of the clear blue sky, it happened. It was just four weeks after Rick had passed away, that they found out. Carl walked into the kitchen as Clem made him one of his favorite dinners, beef stroganoff, and after they finished eating, she told him.

"Carl, you know how I haven't been feeling very well lately?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Did you finally go see Bob?"

"I did," she said as she nodded her head. "I went to go see him today."

"Well what did he say?" he asked with growing concern.

"He gave me a thorough exam - did some tests."

"Tests? What kind of tests?" he asked anxiously as he turned towards her and put his hand on her leg. "Clem, what's wrong? Tell me."

"There's nothing wrong, Carl," she said smiling with wide eyes. "I'm...I'm pregnant."

Carl bolted up and out of his chair, knocking it over. "You're pregnant?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm pregnant," she confirmed, still with a grin on her face. "I'm already eight weeks along. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner but I thought...I thought I'd never be pregnant again."

"Oh my God! I can't believe this," he said with a stunned look on his face.

"I can tell. But are you happy?"

"Am I happy?" he asked as he picked her up into his arms and kissed her hard on the lips. "I've never been happier!" It was the first time Clem had seen Carl smile since his dad passed a month earlier.

Carl finally set her feet back on the ground but didn't let her go. "Tell me everything, Clem. How do you feel? When's your due date? Did Bob say everything looks good?" he asked with the excitement of a child.

"My due date is March 29th...uh you already know I'm nauseous and tired all the time, so there's that. Bob says it's a high risk pregnancy because of my age and my history but..." Clementine held Carl's scruffy face in her hands and looked at him intently, "...I feel good Carl, I feel strong and you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm not scared. I know I don't have to remind you of everything that's happened before this but this feels different. And no matter what happens, I'm happy to be pregnant right now."

Ten weeks later, when the ultrasound Bob gave, showed they were having twins, Carl and Clem's excitement doubled. They were overwhelmed by what was happening to them. Carl's emotions went back and forth between sadness for the recent death of his father, and joy for the promise of new life.

Bob suggested that Clem continue to get at least some of her care in Greensboro with Dr. Mike Bridges. He knew obstetrics and neonatoligy much better than Bob did. With all the risks Clem faced in her pregnancy it was an easy decision. She had made the trip with Eva, Liv, Ben and Bob. Eva and Ben were there to solidify the trade route but Bob and Liv stayed with Clem. Bob and Liv shadowed Dr. Mike. He worked in the finest hospital on the eastern half of the country. He and a few of the other doctors and nurses prepared Bob and Liv for Clem's labor and delivery. They sent them back with an abundance of supplies and new equipment for their infirmary, including everything they would need to ensure the best outcome for Clem and the twins.

Today Clem reclined on the sofa drawing her legs up close to her body. She was exhausted from the six week trip. Her eyes were growing heavy when she heard the front door close. Her face lit up and she came to attention when she saw Carl walk into the room.

"Hey, how's Maggie?" Clem asked anxiously as she sat up.

"She's good. She's going to be alright," he said walking towards Clem and tossing his hat onto the spindle of a rocking chair. "The bastard that slit her throat had a pretty dull knife. It cut through her skin but it barely touched her jugular. She lost quite a bit of blood but she's already had two transfusions. She's going to be sore for a little bit and she can't speak much right now but she's going to be fine. She has a broken wrist too."

"Oh thank God!" Clem replied, easing her shoulders back down. "I saw all the blood and I thought she wasn't going to make it."

"She's strong and we have good doctors here," Carl said as he quickly began to start a fire in the wood stove. It wasn't long before the tiny flames grew into a big fire. He placed a large log in the stove and closed the door.

Carl walked to the sofa and sank down into it. He lifted Clem's legs onto his lap and let out a heavy sigh. He rested his head on the back of the sofa as he mindlessly began to run his hand up and down her legs. Clem reached for his other hand and laced her fingers through his. "I can't help but think about how much worse it could have been. All those people coming here...those men wanting to kill our people...that psycho with the gun to your head."

"And Clementine coming home just in the nick of time, saving her man," Carl said breaking the tension with a smile. He shook his head, still in disbelief of how she had come to his rescue. "You had to have been at least sixty feet away when you threw that knife. Thirty-three weeks pregnant and still in full bad-ass mode."

"These babies, sitting on my bladder and making me nearly pee my pants all day, don't have me feeling like much of a bad-ass right now."

"You don't fool me. I've seen you with those knives. You could have done the exact same thing with your eyes closed and twice as far away.

"Alright now," she said grinning with embarrassment. "I think you might be exaggerating just a tad. Besides, how many times have you been there for me and saved me Carl?"

"Neither of us would be here if it weren't for each other." Carl said pulling her hand to his mouth and kissing it gently. He slipped his boots off and kicked them under the coffee table. He leaned to the side a bit and pulled his revolver out of his holster. He looked at it thoughtfully for a few moments before speaking. "That woman..." he started than glanced down.

"What about her?"

"She didn't have just any gun on me. It was my gun...my dad's gun. I was almost killed by my dad's gun. Can you believe that?"

"How did she get it?"

"It was my fault. Maggie was lying on the ground bleeding and she said she was a nurse and could help her. I didn't think twice about it. I just wanted Maggie to be okay and I let my guard down. I didn't frisk her...I wasn't even facing her. I had my back to her and she pulled my gun right out of my holster." Carl shook his head as he continued to stare at the revolver. It surprised him how carelessly he had handled himself with the woman. "I had to make dozens of decisions today and I felt like I made every one of them the right way. But then just one slip up..." he said shaking his head again, "...one slip-up and I came seconds away from dying. If you hadn't saved me Clem, you would have buried me and the babies would never know me."

"I don't want to think about it, Carl," she said turning her head away from him. "I don't want to even imagine what would have happened if I had lost you." Tears ran down her cheeks but she quickly wiped them away.

Carl finally set the gun on the table in front of him and turned to Clem. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you upset," Carl said pulling her closer to himself. "I'm not saying all this because I'm playing the 'what if' game. I'm just saying...I guess I'm just saying that I'm grateful. You were there. You saved me and Clem and Carl get to see another day together."

"Another day, and then another and another until we're both old and gray." Clem sat up and turned her body around on the sofa. She adjusted her overgrown belly to a more comfortable position and leaned into Carl.

Carl immediately put his arms around her. He layed his hand on her womb and caressed it gently. "So how was Greensboro? What did Dr. Mike say? How are the babies? How are you? Tell me everything."

"Well I had two ultrasounds and the due date is still the same. The babies are great. They're almost four pounds each which is a little small but still a respectable size. He said their hearts are strong and they look perfect. No obvious defects or anything like that. All my blood work looked good. My fluids are kind of low but he said it's nothing I should worry about. He wants me to get a lot of rest and food."

"Rest and food – we can do that."

"He says I have cervical insufficiency which means I need to stay off my feet as much as possible."

"I think we can manage that too."

"Carl," Clementine said as she tilted her head back to look up at him,"he's says no sex either."

Carl twisted his neck and grimaced. "This doctor sounds like a hack."

"Very funny," Clem replied as she pinched his arm and smiled. "You'll live."

"Alright, alright," he said smiling back. "You've been gone since Christmas so it's been almost two months since we've slept together. I guess I can wait a little longer until the babies are born."

"You know we can't have sex for another four to six weeks after the delivery, right?"

"Four to six weeks? Are you serious?" He threw his head back in exasperation. "You're killing me, Clem!"

"Stop your whining," she said, smacking his arm. "You have the easy part in this. I'm the one waddling around like an elephant, peeing every 30 minutes. And you know what? I have to wait too, not just you."

"Yeah but I'm much easier to resist than you are. You have an unfair advantage."

"I should be pretty easy to resist right now. I haven't had a shower in three days. Maybe I could just not take one for a few more months. Would that make it easier on you?"

"No, that won't help," Carl said shaking his head and staring at her intensely.

"Why not?" she said smiling and biting her lip.

"Because you're beautiful and I'm in love." Carl pulled her face up and put his mouth gently onto hers. The softness of her lips and the taste of her tongue were euphoric. As he kissed her, he felt a rush of excitement and energy surge through his entire body. He moved to face her better and placed his hands on her cheek and neck. As he kissed her, his excitement quickly got the best of him. He was beginning to feel out of control as their bodies pressed against each other. He pulled away from her hastily and sat back down. "This is going to be harder than I thought," he said all kidding aside. "I guess it's back to cold showers."

Clem closed her eyes as she breathed heavily. She reached her hand towards Carl's thigh and seductively moved it farther and farther up. "I'm sure we can figure something out besides cold showers."

"You've always been the more resourceful one."

"I promise that after I get a good night's sleep and a long shower, I'll put that resourcefulness to good use first thing tomorrow," Clem smiled coyly. "For now though, why don't we change the subject. I have some other big news I haven't disclosed yet."

"Really? Okay, what's the big secret?"

"Dr. Mike told me the sex of the babies."

"Wow," Carl said with restrained excitement, "I guess finding out the sex hadn't even really occurred to me. I was so preoccupied with knowing they were healthy that I forgot you would find that out too."

"Well you want to know, right?"

Carl remained momentarily and thoughtfully silent. "Yeah. Of course I do," he replied expectantly.

"We're having a boy..." Clem smiled up at him, "...and a girl."

"Both?" Carl asked in shock.

Clem nodded with an ear to ear grin on her face. "Both!"

"I can't believe this. Every time you tell me something about the babies, there's always another exciting twist to it." Carl looked up at the ceiling, grinning ear to ear himself. "A boy and a girl. That's going to be a big challenge, don't you think?"

"Since when have we minded a challenge?"

"I guess I knew having a boy and a girl was a possibility but I didn't picture it happening that way."

"Life hardly ever turns out how you picture it to be."

Carl sat in silence, staring ahead blankly. He ran his hand over the scruff on his jawline and turned his head away from Clementine. Seconds ago the room felt bright and joyful but Clem immediately sensed the sudden heaviness in the air around her. She wrapped her arm around his back and rested her chin on his shoulder. "You're thinkin' about your dad?"

"Is it that easy to tell?" Carl asked and Clem nodded. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring the room down."

"Don't say sorry. Don't apologize for feeling what you're feeling." Clem kissed his shoulder and spoke to him quietly. "Do you want to talk about it or do you just need a minute?"

Carl always wanted to tell her what was on his mind. He knew many men, his father included, that stifled their feelings and emotions, but not him. He never held them back. Probably because it was her. Clementine had a way of listening to him that didn't require him to explain everything. She just listened and knew what he was thinking...what was beyond his words. She could easily read his body language – the way he touched her, how he moved his hands, the expressiveness in his face, every subtle and beautiful nuance.

Carl sighed heavily and turned back towards her. "He should still be here and I hate that he's not, Clem. I could pretend that I'm fine but I'm just not going to do that...not with you. I feel like I have to do it with mom because she can barely handle her own grief, but I can't do it with you."

"I'd never want you to even try."

Carl stood up and paced back and forth in frustration. "I hate that one of the happiest times in my life is also one of the saddest times. I hate that I can be over the moon then a second later, the rug gets pulled out from underneath me and I'm on the floor again. You came home to me today – you came home with good news about the babies, and Maggie's fine and I'm alive when I probably shouldn't be because the girl I love saved me. But right now...right now in this moment, all I can think about is how he's gone. And I wonder when not having him here will get easier. I hate it. I hate hearing mom cry herself to sleep because she misses him so much. I hate how much I still miss him. I hate that Judy and Eva seem like they've moved on...like they're okay when I'm still a mess. I hate that these babies will never know the sound of his laugh or see what kind of man he was. And then...then I start feeling guilty about my grief because I had him much longer than you had your parents and there's so many people that lost so much and what makes what I've lost more important? I hate that I've forced you to deal with my grief. It's not fair."

"Come here," Clem said, beckoning him as she held out her hand. Carl walked to her and sat back down on the sofa. Clem leaned into him again and Carl put his arms back around her securely, resuming the comfortable position they had been in moments earlier. She held onto his hand as it rested on her belly. She brought it to her mouth and kissed it softly before putting it back onto her stomach.

"You should hate it," she said simply. "You should hate all of those things. And you shouldn't feel bad about it either. There's gonna be a day when you forget to be sad about this. I know it. Until that day comes, grieve. Grieve in whatever way is right for you. Grieve as hard and as often as you need to. I'll wait with you. I'm in no hurry and you shouldn't be either."

"I'm getting to be old, Clem. I'm 44. I don't want to waste my time feeling sorry for myself or being bitter about this. In just a few weeks we'll have two babies. I want to soak up every minute of that. I want to look ahead not back. I want to focus on being the best father to our kids, not keeping mourning the loss of my own father."

Clem inhaled and exhaled slowly and composedly "Do you remember how hard things were when we lost the first baby?"

"Of course I remember."

"That was probably the hardest thing I ever went through. Harder than losing Lee. Even harder than losing my parents."

"I remember."

"I was so happy to be a mom and make you a dad and instead, we were putting our baby girl into the ground." Clem was quiet for a few moments, vividly remembering that time from nearly twenty years ago. "You weren't there for me Carl...not that time."

"I know I wasn't and I'm sorry for that."

"I know you are. And I'm sorry too, because I wasn't there for you either. Neither of us knew how to deal with another loss. We both had our share of losses but I think that one was different...at least it was for me.

"I remember not wanting to be around you. Not just because we were fighting all the time but because every time I looked at your face, all I saw was the man that I loved, hurting. And I was the cause of that hurt. I know I didn't have any control over what happened with my own body, but I was young. I blamed myself like I did something wrong. I just wanted to be away from you. We should have turned towards each other but we turned away instead.

"I remember wanting to go on a run. It was a three week run that Glenn was leading to Knoxville. The run that Liv broke her leg on."

"Yeah I remember."

"I wanted to go so bad," Clem said. "I wanted to run away. I thought a change of scenery would help me get me through the loss. Like looking at different trees would somehow make me forget that I lost our baby. I was gonna go but your dad said I shouldn't. He wasn't in charge anymore so he wasn't telling me I couldn't go, he just said I shouldn't. He came to our house and said he wanted to talk to me alone. It was funny because I never really knew that your dad even gave me a second thought. I guess I knew he cared for me the same way he cared for everyone in our group but that was the first time I looked at him as a father to me too. He had the ability, you know? The way he was with Liv and me and Holly. He looked out for us the same way he did for you and your sisters. I really felt it for the first time that day.

"He said that he thought I wasn't ready to leave home just yet. I wasn't ready to be in the field again. It pissed me off that he thought he knew what was best for me. I was so cocky and thought I knew everything back then. He said that I needed some time to just be with my grief – to be with the loss and feel it. He told me that I needed to be kinder to myself. He could see how I was trying to run from my pain and he told me that if I ran, it would just catch up to me. He saw me running from you too. He knew you and I were going through a bad time and he told me that running away from you wouldn't make it better. He told me that staying, screaming and shouting and fighting it out with you was better than pulling away. And he was right. I don't know how he knew that's what I needed to hear but he did. He was very intuitive."

"He saw me running from my grief," Carl replied. "He saw what a dark path my loss took me down. I'm sure he wanted to spare you from doing the same thing. He loved you Clem. In case you ever wondered, he really did. He could see how good you were for me. I think he finally stopped worrying about me when he saw you come into my life." Carl kissed Clementine on the top of her head as he pulled her closer. "I remember you changed your mind about leaving. You stayed home...stayed with me."

"I stayed but things didn't get better – not for a little while, anyway. Your dad was right though. I needed to grieve longer. I wasn't ready to leave home. I wasn't ready to move on. And right now, you're not ready to move on either. That's okay Carl. You'll know when it's time. Let the scales tip slowly."

"Okay," Carl sighed calmly, "I will. I'll take my time." They sat on the sofa in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Carl looked down to see Clem's eyes growing heavy. He reached behind him and grabbed an afghan off the back of the sofa. He unfolded it and placed it over Clem as she eased her warm body closer to his. As they rested peacefully in each other's arms, they started to drift off. Carl was almost completely asleep when he heard her groggy voice.

"Carl?"

"Yeah baby."

"I'm glad I'm home."

"I'm glad you're home too."