When Al returned a couple hours later he found Edward in the basement reading. He almost didn't want to disturb his brother who was deeply engrossed in the book. It reminded Al of the hours they spent in the library those years they were together searching for the Philosopher's Stone. Edward was always so intense and concentrated that the only thing that could tear him away was an empty stomach. But those times Edward was still so innocent of so much. Looking at him now, with his short hair, the way he carried himself with his shoulders back, the borrowed clothes which did not seem to suit him, no gloves, Al couldn't help but feel that he had lost his brother; that the person at the table reading was someone else. As a State Alchemist, Edward had held the rank of Major but was never tied to follow the strict code of the military. But now Edward was a true officer, a Lieutenant Colonel with men under his command that looked to him for direction, while at the same time Edward had to follow his own orders from his superior officers; Edward had more than just Al to answer to. Edward's stern demeanor at times would definitely take some getting used to. He still had that cocky smile and rude attitude but watching Edward, Al couldn't help but feel like he had to salute his own brother.

He missed the temper tantrums, braided hair, the red coat, the traveling together but he had to get used to the fact that those days were over. If he wanted to keep Edward close he was going to have to accept these changes. He knew there was more but he wouldn't worry about it. As long as Edward remained in touch and Al got to see him then that was enough.

This is what it's like to grow up, Al thought. You have to accept change and learn to let go.

It was difficult but if he was to get through the toughest part he was going to have to be strong. There were a lot more people who depended upon Edward than just his little brother now.

Not even the thought of the war ending could give Al any comfort. Deep down he had a feeling that it would not end Edward's career in the military, that it would keep them separated.

After watching Edward for a couple of minutes Al convinced him to have some dinner. Not wanting to wear Edward out with too much studying they went out onto the front porch after they ate. It was a chilly night but neither seemed to mind as they huddled in their coats, Edward smoking. They talked trying to keep it lighthearted. Edward seemed unusually loquacious suddenly.

"So who was that girl?"

"Gloria? Why? Are you interested? Forgetting about Erika already?" Al teased as he flipped through the notebook of Sergeant Brody's sketches that Edward brought along, holding it up to use the bright porch light to get a better look at certain drawings.

"No," Edward said defensively. "I just ask because I don't remember her."

"We went to school together but she was shy, she didn't really talk to anyone. Not so much anymore. Her father is the station master."

"I think I do remember that he did have a daughter."

Al placed the notebook down when he was done. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Edward's profile. He seemed eager to be talking about something, anything that would not put them on any kind of emotional roller coaster. Al was only too happy to oblige.

"So tell me something that you haven't written in your letters," Al said to keep the conversation going.

"Let me see," Edward said mulling over the past year. "Well, there's one thing I've noticed that's been a nice change. You know how the state military was not always trusted, like in Youswell; how I was thrown out when they found out I was a State Alchemist."

"How can I forget?" Al laughed.

"Well, it's not like that anymore. People actually stayed in Juniper and North City despite the bombings and the Drachmans being so close. There were troupes of actors that put on plays, cafes stayed open as long as possible," Edward described, intentionally leaving out how barrooms too were the one place that stayed open the longest. "They were there for us. When we marched to our post, those who stayed behind to farm their land would offer us something to eat and drink, waving at us. This one girl actually gave me... oh shit!"

"What?"

"I lost it."

"Lost what?" Al asked looking confused.

"The yellow ribbon. It was in the pocket of my old uniform which has probably been incinerated by now. Fuck, it was a gift."

"Ribbon? Was it from Erika?"

"No, someone else," Edward said not realizing how that could sound. He was more concerned that he had lost something that was like a good luck charm. He wasn't superstitious but he was ashamed that he had forgotten something that was a gift from someone that had put her hopes upon him. To him it was a symbol of not just the girl, but the people of Amestris that looked to him and the military to save their country.

"Someone else!" Al exclaimed. "Ed, how many girls have you met?"

"No, not like that," Edward said offended, finally understanding how it looked. "We were marching by a farm house and this girl asked if we wanted to stop for some cider. She was scared of the Drachmans and she gave me the ribbon to wish me luck."

"Oh," Al said quietly.

Edward didn't know why it disturbed him as much as it did. Sure he was able to fight without it but he wondered if it meant he really had been losing himself; losing his focus on why he was fighting. It had been all about survival the last few months, to hold their ground, to keep from losing too many men, the people they were fighting for pushed to the background. Perhaps it was seeing Al again, seeing his old hometown that reminded him of the ribbon; that he needed to remember what he was really fighting for, and not just repeating his reasons without any true meaning behind it. There was also a little of the soldier's superstition that his own men had, that he scoffed at, but was probably now becoming a part of him subconsciously since he had held onto the ribbon. A blood chilling fear he only felt once in his life, after watching Scar, the alchemist serial killer, murder someone in front of him. He could not get his legs to move at the time and now it felt like his heart stopped beating for a minute. There was a sense of dread that he couldn't shake off like he was finally able to do then.

"Are you okay?" Al asked worriedly, looking at his brother who had gone pale right before his eyes. "Edward?"

"Yeah," Edward whispered.

"You're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"Silly superstition."

"Tell me."

"It's weird. I was more afraid of going to fight in a war, what it would involve and looking like a fool in front of my men than the fact that I could actually be killed. Since then I've often thought of my own death but I never feared it until now."

"Please, don't talk about that now."

He looked at his brother and saw that Al was on the verge of tears but that didn't stop Edward.

"Why not? It's the truth," he said harshly. "It's something that could happen. Why should we pretend it won't?"

"It's not pretending. It's avoiding it because I think about it everyday and I haven't since you've been here. Let me enjoy the relief I've been feeling these last two days that I don't have to worry."

Edward felt even more ashamed of himself. Also angry and frustrated that he couldn't keep his mouth shut and maintain some control over his emotional outbursts. He was not making this visit a very enjoyable experience for either of them. Just because he had issues adjusting to a few days peace without wondering if he'd be the next to be blown up by an artillery shell didn't mean he had to make his brother cry over it, when he'd been doing so over the past year and needed a break from it.

Edward put his arm around Al's shoulders, knowing that's what Al needed more than a verbal apology. His younger brother leaned his head against the hard, cold steel shoulder, covered by the rough overcoat, ignoring how uncomfortable it was but just grateful that it was there because it meant Edward was still there for him.

They finally went to bed and Edward actually slept peacefully through the night. The next morning they woke and decided to visit their mother's grave. After some breakfast they made their way to the graveyard. They laid out fresh flowers and sat together, next to the gravestone in silence for a few minutes.

"I come here to read your letters," Al said. "I read them out loud for mom. Gloria found me here and I was afraid she'd think I was crazy but she understood. She has an older brother fighting too."

"I didn't know the station master had a son."

"He's a lot older than us and left to join the military before we were old enough to remember. He's a Captain stationed in the south."

"Mom would be upset with me knowing I left you, wouldn't she?" Edward asked suddenly.

"No, she would have understood. If things had turned out differently and she was alive, you probably would have volunteered. Resembool was deeply affected by the eastern rebellion and having experienced that you would have wanted to help others to prevent their own towns going through the same thing with the Drachman invasion."

"But do you think Drachma would have invaded?"

"No, perhaps not," Al said thoughtfully. "There wouldn't have been anything left of Amestris. It would have been free for the taking; for Drachma, Creta and Aerugo. But would the whole country have been destroyed, or just the points that connected on the transmutation circle?"

"Hmmmm," Edward said thinking through that possibility. "If everyone wasn't made into a Philosopher's Stone they would have been vulnerable. Once Briggs was destroyed to activate the circle I'm sure the Drachmans wouldn't have wasted time to invade. But they would have had to come against the homunculi army."

"Homunculi army? What homunculi army?" Al asked in astonishment. This was something he had not heard of before.

"If you were talking to me you would have known," Edward teased but then continued seriously. "The military had an army of created humans ready for a batch of souls to move them. General Armstrong told us about them and once Bradley was defeated Mustang destroyed them all. It was after destroying them that all the top General's that were still left clamoring for power gave up and eventually disappeared. The power struggle wasn't just for control of the military in place but for a mindless army that would follow orders without questioning."

Al put his face in his hands, hardly believing this new revelation. "What is wrong with people?!"

"It's all over now. We just have to clean up the mess Bradley's regime left behind."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Al moaned. "All this time I felt like you accepted the promotion to get away from me, that you were ashamed of breaking your promise."

"But I did," Edward said sheepishly.

"But don't you see it wasn't just that. It's so obvious now. That was what drove you initially but I know deep down you also left because you didn't want such things to happen to our country ever again. Being in the military was the place for you to make sure of that."

"I'm not that noble, Al."

"You are, you just don't always see it. You were driven by selfishness but you were sacrificing yourself for the rest of the country so you'll see to it that everyone but you lives in peace. It was the same when we were searching for the stone. Two opportunities arose that we could have just taken the stone for ourselves but we didn't. We were on a selfish mission but we let the stone alone."

"But the stone Cornello had was just a cheap fake that backfired on him."

"Remember what we said too, about Nina, that we could save poor girls like her by learning more alchemy. But really, the best way is to keep experiments like that from ever happening."

"So what's your point?"

"I'm saying you'll never leave the military."

"That's ridiculous. Once the war is over that's it for me. You should be happy I'll be leaving."

"I would but you won't leave. It's already a part of you. I can see it. You decided a long time ago to devote your life to the military to ensure peace for Amestris unknowingly."

Edward got up and walked away. Al stood up and went after his brother.

Edward didn't want to think Al was right but he felt it was true. What was he to do after the war? He had already spent so much time worrying about his own opportunities for promotion. He realized he was making plans to remain in the military. Besides, what did he have to look forward to when the war was over? The one girl he had thought he could possibly settle down with if he survived had disappeared. On his way back to the front he would only have a couple hours to spend in Central and he wanted to spend that time with Erika. After a few misdirected calls to get a hold of the barroom he had learned she had left without word where she was heading to. He didn't think he'd ever see her again. Edward didn't want to think about that now. He didn't want to think about anything. He was just annoyed that he was read like a book without knowing he had been so obvious; without knowing his own actions.

"Brother, please, don't be upset."

"I'm not," Edward sighed.

"You know you don't have to. Mustang will let you resign your commission if you want. It's still up to you."

"I know."

"I'll always be here for you no matter what you decide."

Al knew he shouldn't have pronounced that Edward would remain in the military as fact, that it wasn't completely decided. He would not be surprised and he would not judge or condemn Edward if he chose to stay in the military. He hoped his older brother would eventually leave but he would accept whatever Edward chose.

Edward smiled. "I know."

They walked back to Pinako's. It wasn't a strained silence as they walked back. It was a concentrated silence of what their futures held for them. They were still in control; they were no longer being manipulated as the homunculi had done during their search for the Philosopher's Stone. There was still a choice but as to what that choice would be and what it could mean, neither of them knew.

"Oh, there's something else I've been meaning to tell you," Al said suddenly.

"What's that?"

"You don't have to send me half your pay," Al said smiling. "I'm doing fine on my own helping Granny and the mines pay me well."

"You're getting too old for your older brother to take care of you?"

"No, but I am capable of taking care of myself."

"I don't know what to do with it. Save it to invest in your school."

"Okay," Al said smiling. "I'll name it after you. The Edward Elric School of Conceited Alchemists."

"How about the School of There's No Way in Hell You Can Be As Great As the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"I'll be the one exception to that."

It was early morning as Edward stood on the train platform with Al. The steam of the engine added to the fog that had drifted in from the river. It was cold and Edward smoked to keep himself from shivering so much as he waited to board. There was a pull that Edward felt that compelled some eagerness in him to want to hear the call for passengers to begin boarding. He was ashamed of the need to want to hurry back to his troop and he tried to hide it from his brother. He loved his brother and he would miss Al but going so long without the familiar protocol of military life was starting to make Edward jumpy from inactivity. That just upset him more after Al's announcement that he would probably end up staying in the military.

The boarding call finally went out over the hushed station. There were only a couple of other people waiting to board the early morning train. Edward was grateful for the sparsely populated station. As an officer he didn't want a lot of people to witness it if he suddenly broke down in tears like he did when he saw his brother upon his return.

Edward turned to Al and found him crying. Edward took his younger brother in his arms and whispered in his ear.

"I'll be okay. I won't do anything too reckless."

Al laughed. "Promise?"

"I promise."

"It's a hard promise to accept. You're concept of recklessness is completely different from someone else. You always did go for the extreme."

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I'll write as soon as I return to my troop."

"Okay," Al said holding Edward tighter, then blurted out without even thinking. "I don't care that you kept the automail."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes," Al after a slight hesitation. "Will you tell me why you did?"

"I think so. One day."

Edward parted from Al and took his pack that his younger brother had carried for him.

"Bye," Edward said before turning to board the train.

"Bye, Brother," Al sniffled with a small wave.

Edward settled himself at a window seat and watched his brother, trying to keep sight of him through the thickening fog and steam. As the train pulled away from the station, Edward waved and received one in return from Al.

As Al's figure disappeared from view Edward sat back in relief. His brother's forgiveness had given him some comfort but not enough. He noticed the slight hesitation from Al before answering but Edward would take it. He knew he didn't deserve full forgiveness yet, he still had to answer for breaking the promise but at least Al was giving him the time he needed before he would be able to confess.

Edward didn't understand why it was so hard to tell Al. He had been able to tell Havoc who wasn't related to him in any way and really didn't need to know. Perhaps it was a way of testing the waters, to know that the means he had implemented to get Al's body was not really so awful; that if Havoc saw no problem with it than perhaps Al wouldn't. But there was still some innocence left in Al and for Edward to take that away with his revelation that he had used a live human to get Al's body back; Edward couldn't do that. They had felt a deep guilt when they learned of the death of Hughes, who had been trying to help them. They didn't want people to be sacrificing themselves for their search of something to help fix their stupid mistake. Edward wondered if he was conceited to think that Al would regret having his body back if he knew how it was done; that Edward had sacrificed his conscience to do so.

Edward closed his eyes, willing his troubling thoughts away. He would just concentrate on the positive of his visit and what he had to look forward to when he returned to his troop; which wasn't much he decided. A whole lot of preparations, with a sad brother left behind and no Erika to see when he stopped over in Central. He wished more than anything he was back with his troop. He longed for the distraction of ordering people around. If he was to ever adapt to a normal civilian life, it was going to take a lot for him to do so. A whole lot more than it took him to adjust to the military.

When he reached East City a dejected looking Havoc joined him on the station platform, where they would wait for the train heading to Central.

"There is definitely something wrong with us if we're so anxious to go back and get our heads blown off," Edward said as Havoc sat down next to him on a waiting bench, knowing exactly how the Lieutenant was feeling.

"Well, let's just keep that between ourselves." Havoc said letting his pack drop next to his feet. "I told my parents I didn't want to leave but I had too out of duty. Don't tell them I lied."

"You're lie is safe with me if mine is safe with you."

"Let's smoke on it," Havoc said reaching for a cigarette. He lit it, inhaled and handed it to Edward who then took a hit before giving it back.

"Back to business then," Edward said getting a smirk from Havoc.