DISCLAIMER: I do not own Vampire Knight
I feel so loved. Or at least what love feels like when a bug starts crawling up your screen. Then the tables are turned. Literally.
Damn spiders.
CHAPTER 38: What We Need
It was quiet.
It wasn't the comforting kind either. It was the type of quiet you'd find in a graveyard, or the quiet right before the storm hits. It was the mourning, crying, dying silence you'd hear when you know someone's in pain.
My hand hesitated over the door knob. Silence echoed throughout the hallways, a silence so familiar to me that my father would still be alive if I hadn't witnessed it.
I turned away from his door.
There'd be time later. For now, he needs to be alone.
I found my way back to the living room, Waffles sprawled out on the kotatsu table. I smiled faintly at my bunny, scooting my knees under the warm blanket and taking a sip of tea. I always liked Takuma's love for old fashioned things. He didn't exactly collect stuff like that, but he liked the things in moderate. Kotatsu tables he enjoyed simply because it brought people together.
Looking around the empty room, I briefly wondered what people there was to bring.
My mind strayed back to the ball, something I didn't want to but it was so hard not to. Senri and Rima had to take me home because, apparently, Takuma chased after his little sister. He obviously didn't get far but he still searched all night and morning for her. I was worried for him and a little surprised his friends offered.
I have to say I was more so amused when I was put on house arrest. Senri told me ("Stay put. Behave. Don't go outside.")-more like ordered in a sense- to be safe. Rima sort of echoed what he said ("Ditto.") and they were gone, plans of finding the wayward Ichijo and their other friends.
Because apparently Aido, Ruka, and Kain had showed up to the party as well. It saddened me a bit to know that Rima and Senri still wanted to old group back together. It didn't seem like it was going that way though. And the last thing I remember about Ruka…
I shivered. I hope I could stop that too.
And maybe knock some sense into Aido while I'm at it.
Waffles broke me out of my thoughts, his little legs thumping against my arm in a lazy attempt for attention. I smiled, gently running my hand through his fur.
"That's disrespectful, you know?" I murmured, "Lying on the table…"
I watched his little blue eyes closed as he took a deep breath. It made the half assed attempt of a smile I made widen a bit.
"So lazy…"
"You should speak for yourself, Shizumi-san."
I jumped, snapped my head to the door. Himaya entered, not in uniform for once, taking a seat next to me. It was strange seeing her in a skirt and long sleeved shirt, especially one with flowers on it. It was like decorating a grizzly bear with polka dots.
"Just passing the time." I replied, taking another sip of tea.
"Takuma-san hasn't come out yet." She moved quickly to the point, "Is it because of Akemi-san?"
"Sharp." I sighed, "We met her…she wasn't exactly happy to see us."
She tilted her head, "Why is that?"
Because Sara is a manipulative little bi-
"Time." I settled for, "And she's found someone else to trust."
That same weighing silence engulfed the room as we quietly drank our tea, me idly distracted with Waffles. Kaname's mysterious words echoed in my head and I winced, wondering if he knew my plans (it really wasn't that hard to guess) and how he saw everything playing out. He was thousands of years old. He's seen so much I wouldn't be surprised if he had everything planned out already.
It was a tad bit annoying when someone knew more than me. Me. The reincarnation.
…and perhaps a bit of a pride issue too…
Not that I'd ever admit that out loud.
"Shizumi-san." The maid set down her tea, her eyes trained on Waffles, "Is the reason Akemi-san gone…perhaps…you?"
I slowly closed my eyes and exhaled. It came down to this eventually.
"I've had my suspicions for a long time now. When I first saw Akemi it only confirmed it. Whatever's been fed to her worked, but I know her resolve would be to steely for her to break. They had to have said something to get her to get through to her. And that something…had to have been about me."
"Do you know what it is?"
I hesitated. Do I lie? Do I pretend or make something up? I've always been so-so good at lying. But with Himaya…it was hard to tell. It was a gamble. A gamble of chance.
A chance I decided not to take.
"Yes." I admitted with a heavy sigh, "They've said I've abandoned her."
Her eyebrows furrowed, "But you-"
"I have."
She stared at me.
"All this time I've known where she is. I've known who she was with and I've known that she was safe. I didn't tell anyone anything about it."
That silence.
"So, yes, I did abandon her."
"The Shirabuki case."
Her comment startled me and I glanced at her, watching as her eyes slowly met mine. Something accusing and understanding was mixed in them, "The tablet investigation…you did it because you knew they have Akemi."
A statement, not a question. I nodded anyways.
"I knew they were suspicious. The replacement tablets only made me more curious. I suspected they were the device used to control Akemi, which proved correct. My assumption is, she's still being fed them."
Tablets of Sara's blood. How disgusting.
"…and you didn't tell us."
I lowered my head, feeling the weight of that statement in my mind. I couldn't tell her I held out so the plot could progress. I couldn't say that. "…I'm not going to sugar coat it. I did it because I knew the consequences. Shirabuki would kill anyone suspicious of finding out her secrets. She can't kill me though."
"I see."
Silence again.
"…why is it you insist on walking with your shadow?"
Startled, I blinked at her. She was staring; burning holes into the Kotatsu like it was the reason for her worries. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
"Wha-"
"You. Toma-sama. Takuma-san. Akemi-san. All of you walk your own paths, I understand. But…you're just children."
Just children.
Children.
"All your backgrounds, your past, your life has been spent walking these paths with nothing but shadows." She continued. Something tinged at the end of her sentence and I slowly began to understand. She was speaking more of experience than anything.
"Why is it you children insist upon going down these paths?"
I returned my gaze to my tea, staring at my reflection in the cup. "…maybe because we aren't children anymore."
She blinked at me.
"Everything happened to us is bad. Toma-kun's past is horrible, Takuma and Akemi's are full of mishaps, and mine is just a straight plummet to hell. But that's what made us who we are. Yes, we walk these paths even if we are so young, no matter the consequences or the fears. We do that because if we don't keep going forward down the path that was made for us, we'll fall off the edge and be lost in darkness.
Our only friend will always be our shadow. It's the only thing that walks with us, bears the pain with us, and knows what we've walked through and what we've come across. It knows our struggle but it walks with us. And if it keeps walking, then we now we can keep going. Because if we can't, then what's there to live for?"
I blushed, ducking my head, "Ah…erm…yeah. You get what I mean."
She stared curiously at Waffles, rubbing the rim of her cup, "…I suppose."
The silence returned, but strangely, there was something comfortable about it. Something about the understanding Himaya's face and the fact Waffles was kicking my arm that provided comfort.
What do you know, I mused, they do bring people together.
I wasn't going to pry into Himaya's back story. It was probably as crappy as mine. Or maybe she was so used to bad things happening to older to people that she was surprised so many 'kids' like us were suffering from the emotional scars of our past.
"…Shizumi-san?"
"Hm?"
"…I understand what you mean…but why is it…" Her gaze locked with mine, "…why is it that it just seemed your path is already in darkness?"
I stilled. Carefully, I breathed out.
"Because…" Something similar to a grim smile made its way onto my face, "It was that way from the very moment I was born. It most likely will always be that way till the day I die."
"Fate seems to choose the most innocent of our time to suffer." Himaya mused.
I almost snorted. Me? Innocent? Please.
"It seems we've run out of tea." Himaya stood, brushing off her skirt, "I'll go fetch some more. Will Waffles-san be enough company for you?"
I hid a grin behind the rim of my cup, "Yes."
"Then I'll return shortly…Shi-chan."
I laughed.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I stared.
He stared back.
I stared.
He smiled.
"I'm sorry for barging in like this, but I have something I need to discuss with you."
I stared.
His smile twitched, "It's about Shirabuki-sama…"
I stared.
He frowned.
"What is it?"
"Hanabusa…."
"Yes?"
"Why the hell are your clothes ripped up?"
"Well, you see…I kind of lost Yuki-sama when we ran into some…er- trouble. Luckily I remember the Ichijo estate was nearby and was wondering…"
I stared.
He scowled, "Are you gonna help me find her or not?"
"You…"
I finally face palmed.
"…are an idiot."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
We ran through the streets.
"Are you sure not informing Takuma-san was a good idea?" Himaya asked, clothed in her uniform with her trusty chainsaw. My hand subconsciously gripped Oblivion over my shoulder.
"He needs to rest."
"I heard what happened at the ball." Aido put in, running alongside us now clothed in some of Takuma's causal clothes. Himaya almost chopped him in half for showing up half naked, "will he be alright?'
I winced. "I hope so. But that's not the issue right now. Where did you last see Yuki?"
"I already have her scent." Aido's blue eyes narrowed dangerously, "Which means she's been injured."
Well, shit.
I couldn't exactly sense her either, since I haven't been around her pureblood presence that much. No matter how sensitive I' am to it, Aido was our only chance of getting the trail.
"What on earth were you two doing so far outside?" I grumbled, leaping over a downed trash can.
Aido growled, "The assassination of lord Ori is suspected of being Kaname-sama's doing. He's being held at the association for questioning now and Yuki-sama went to search for answers. We got ahold of the old tablet investigation…" Here his eyes glanced suspiciously at me.
"Yes." I nodded, "I dug up the scandal by the Shirabuki family in hopes of finding Akemi. I'm guessing this leads to Yuki assuming Sara has something to do with her husband's death?"
"You're correct." Aido turned his gaze away, the air suddenly a lot warmer now that it wasn't. He furrowed his eyebrows, "she kept rambling about the Academy before we were attacked though…"
"Does Kuran know about the attack?"
His eyebrow twitched, whether at the lack of honorific or the fact that the answer irritated him, "No."
Oh-ho, I do know one pureblood that will be pissed later on.
"Then things are going to get interesting real fast around here." I mused, picking up our pace, "And my first guess is Cross Academy."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well," I smiled grimly, "Where else can you find a naïve army of worshippers?"
Aido grimaced.
And thus, I thought crossly, is the usefulness of fan girls.
A bit more progressive then last time. I update frequently to get to the good stuffs, just for you guys. Or at least because nothing of my favorites has updated ;_;
GaleSynch: Ya I try to proof read what I write but a lot of the time is the little letters that kill me. Some of my typos just make me wanna crawl into a hole and die from embarrassment. But thanks for reading anyway xD
treavellergirl: When the ending to the manga came out i had a hard time fitting Shizumi in there somewhere XD but yes, there are definitely going to be some changes as you see in this chapter.
animagirl: Yay! I'm supper glad you do! I was a little worried she'd turn Mary Sue somewhere and i hope she stays this way for the rest of the story xD
Thrill-Pair-All-The-Way: Well you'll just have to keep reading to find out ;) It is said that when vampires do that they are deemed lovers, so Shizumi's gonna find out eventually and when she does...xD
Thank you everyone else for reading and reviewing! You make me happy!
So review!