Author's Note: So this chapter came out a little sadder and distressing than I intended, especially since it's the last full chapter. It just came out this way. Also, forewarning, I am no doctor, so if something sounds off, I apologize in advance.
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer, along with Little, Brown and Company, owns all the rights to the Twilight Saga. I own nothing and profit nothing from this story.
Previously on Learning to Live Again…
"She's mine," he said, the smile growing.
"She's completely yours."
"I love you so much, Bella, with everything I am. Without you, I don't even want to know what kind of guy I'd be right now. Not the man I am, I know. I owe my life to you, baby. And I promise to always take care of both of you exactly the way you deserve." I noticed the doctor slide out the room quietly.
"I love you too, Quil. I just – I just can't believe it's all working out."
"We deserve it, Bella. You deserve this and so much more. Nothing can get in our way anymore, don't you see? It's you, Lilly and me forever."
"I know. I can't wait for it to start."
"We don't have to wait," he said, lowering to the ground. "And we shouldn't. I think our daughter needs her mother to share the same last name. And as I've been wanting that for quite some time myself. Isabella Marie Swan, I'll love you until the end of time and even there after, so will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"
A couple months after Quil graduated, when Lilliana was four months old, Quil and I got married. It was a very small affair. Just our family and the pack present. Nothing extravagant, just a few chairs set up behind Celia's house facing the woods – the same woods that Quil found me in on that fateful night. Though, Charlie and Celia didn't hold that knowledge. Thank God.
We didn't really want to go on a honeymoon and leave Lilly so young. So Quil promised we'd go on a trip for our first anniversary. As a result, we spent our wedding night up with a fussy baby.
The first year certainly had its trials. A couple times stick out more than others. The good times definitely outnumbered the bad. But I never knew scared until after I'd become a mother. It's like something inside you changes. Everything you thought mattered no longer did. The only that mattered was that little girl.
The first couple of months after Lilly's birth, before graduation and before the wedding, Quil worked too hard in my opinion. He continued to work both at the store and the construction business on top of patrolling with the pack. All that with daddy duty left him with very little time for sleep or much of anything really. Finally after he fell asleep on stage during his high school graduation, I put my foot down. One of the jobs had to go, and the hours patrolling needed to be cut back. He quit working at the store, as the construction paid more. With the summer, he got to lighten his hours since the younger boys could patrol more being on summer vacation.
Like we agreed before the birth, we kept Lilliana's paternity to ourselves. However, what we didn't foresee was something on the horizon that would give her paternity away to others without any say from us.
One day during the summer, Jacob came over to spend time with Lilly while Quil worked. I feed her and laid her down for a nap a little while after he'd arrived. Jacob and spent the next two hours talking and joking. When Lilly woke up, she seemed especially fussy. I went to fix her a bottle while Jacob rocked her in the rocker. Walking back into the living room, I saw the concern on Jacob's face.
"Bella, do you think her lips look a little swollen?"
I looked down at her. "Yeah, they do," I said, frowning.
"I also think she might need a diaper change. I thought I'd let you do the honors though."
Rolling my eyes, I took Lilly in my arms. "Gee, thanks, Jake."
I unbuttoned her onesie and gasped.
"What? Is something wrong?" Jacob asked.
"She has a bad rash. It wasn't there before." I took in my daughter's swollen lips and the rash on her body.
"Aren't rashes normal?"
"Sure, the occasional diaper rash, but not a rash like this one."
"I'll try giving Quil a call and tell him to meet us at the hospital. I'm sure it's nothing, but let's be better off than sorry."
A few minutes later, the two of us loaded up into my car to take her into the Emergency Room. When we arrived, the nurse quickly got us into a room. Within a minutes, Lilly's pediatrician came in.
"Mrs. Ateara, what seems to be wrong with Lilliana today?"
"Dr. Vearil, her lips seem swollen and there's a rash on her body. Neither was there when I laid her down for her nap a few hours ago."
"I'll have to run a test, but it looks like she might be having an allergic reaction."
"What? But she hasn't had anything out of the ordinary."
"Let's do the test and work from there."
The doctor did whatever it was he needed. I stayed in Jacob's arms, trying not to cry. Soon enough, Lilly was back in my arms and Dr. Vearil gone to find out what was wrong with my daughter.
"Jake, where's Quil? Didn't you call?"
"Yeah, Bells, but he didn't answer. I left a message. I'm sure he'll be here as soon as he listens to it."
An hour later and no Quil, Dr. Vearil came back in.
"It appears it is an allergy, though, I'm not sure exactly to what. You said her diet hasn't changed, but has yours?"
"Mine?" I asked confused.
"Yes, through the breast milk she could have digested something she has an allergy to. So have you eaten anything in the last twenty-four hours that you don't normally?"
I had to take a second to breathe and think about what I'd eaten lately.
"I had pizza for lunch yesterday and then a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. For breakfast I ate pancakes."
"Peanut butter, was that the first you've had it since the pregnancy?"
"Um…yeah, I guess it was."
"Well, it seems likely that that is our allergy. Peanuts are a common allergy in children and that hypersensitivity is often passed down through heredity. Were you allergic as a child?"
I didn't answer for a second. I hurt to think my own diet had put my daughter in the hospital. "No, I've never had an allergy of any sort."
"Is your husband allergic?" Dr. Vearil asked. He, unlike my doctor, knew nothing of our paternity issues. So asking such a simple question in front of Jacob held no consequences in his mind. Of course the questioned didn't really mean anything to me either at that exact point in time.
"No, he eats anything. He ate a sandwich with me last night."
Dr. Vearil's eyebrows knitted together. As he wrote his notes on his clipboard, the room sat in silence. That was until Jacob broke it with a slow, deep sigh.
"He had an allergy as a kid, though," Jacob said quietly, looking down at Lilliana with sad eyes. That's when I realized how dangerous a question it had been.
"Well then, I think we can say the mystery is solved. As long as you're breast feeding, you can't eat peanuts, and I would suggest staying away from any kind of nuts completely. The nurse will be in with the appropriate medication for Lilliana." I nodded, and he left shortly afterward.
As soon as the door shut behind him, Jacob spoke. "So Quil's her father." It wasn't a question, but a statement.
"Yes," I said quietly.
Jacob nodded his head slowly. "Good. That's good. Quil should be her father. This is the result we all knew would be best for Lilly."
"Jake," I started.
"No, it's fine, Bella. I'd hate for her to be mine when I couldn't be there, not like I should. This way her dad, her real dad, is there for her completely. I guess Sam's theory was right. He'll be happy to hear how amazingly smart he is once again," Jake tried to joke, but I could see the hurt.
The nurse came in and administered the antihistamines. Jacob and I sat in silence while the drugs did their job. The quiet ended when the door to her room banged open. In tumbled my husband.
"Is Lilly okay?" Quil asked, panting and shirtless.
"Quil, what happened to you?" I asked.
"I got Jake's message. Then the truck wouldn't start, so I ran. Well, I phased then ran. When I got here, I had to escape security because apparently there's a shirt and shoes policy, both of which I fail to meet. So I'll ask again, how's Lilly?"
"Apparently she inherited your allergy to peanuts," I said. "But with the antihistamines, she should be fine."
"What?" he cautiously asked, glancing at Jacob.
Jake cleared his throat. "I know, Quil. After all, who do you think told the doctor you had an allergy only as a kid?"
"Oh. Jake, man–"
"I've already had this conversation with Bella. I'm fine. Everything worked out as it should have."
It didn't take long for the whole pack to hear the news. I think everyone gave a huge sigh of relief. But it didn't take long for things to get back to normal. Quil and I had eliminated any and all signs of peanuts from our apartment. Quil was sad to see the Reese cups leave, but we wouldn't take a chance with Lilliana around.
Soon, Quil went pack to his taxing schedule of work at the construction company and patrolling with the pack. I wished he would lighten up on his patrol hours. But with Sam stepping down after the announcement of Emily's pregnancy and the three youngest having to go back to school in the fall, Quil picked up the hours he had shed during the summer months.
Then during the winter, Lilliana got really sick. It started off like any normal cold – the runny nose and low fever. But then it got progressively worse. The coughing increased in frequency and vigor. When Quil and I took her into the doctors, we found out it had progressed passed the common cold. The doctors diagnosed her with respiratory syncytial virus or RSV. After a night in the hospital, the doctors said the virus had spread to the lungs making it viral pneumonia. I didn't understand how it could advance so fast, especially with her in the hospital. However, she didn't seem to respond to the drugs that gave her, the virus only getting worse. Seeing my daughter like that was hard, but watching Quil almost hurt more.
I walked into the room, having left to get two cups of coffee. Hearing Quil's voice, I stopped at the doorway.
"Princess, Daddy's sorry. I know I haven't been around as much as I should. I just want to protect you and Mommy," he said, his voice cracking. "I thought the threat to you lay in the forest. Starting today, I promise to be home more. But I need you there too, so you have to get better so we can go home as a family." I heard Quil sniffing, obviously crying.
"I love you so much. You and your mom alone make my world. Baby, Daddy needs you to get well. I swear I'll be a better daddy."
That last comment hit hard. He had it all wrong. I pushed the door open all the way and walked in. Quil looked up at me, not bothering to hide his tears. I'd never actually seen him cry. Sure, I'd seen him tear up a bit, but never had I seen the tears fall.
"Quil," I said softly.
"Bella, I'm sorry. This is my fault."
"How could this be your fault? Our daughter got sick. You couldn't have caused that. Babies get sick all the time."
"But I wasn't there. I should have caught."
"You're not a doctor, Quil."
"I should have–"
"No, Quil! Lilly getting sick wasn't in your control. It's no one's fault."
"I still haven't been home like I should have. I work all day and patrol at night. I spend a couple of hours with her in the evenings. I suck as a dad."
"What is wrong with you? I can't have you pooping out on me right now, Quil. I need you to be strong for Lilly. How can you doubt yourself? You're a great dad, Quil. Lilliana is lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you. Yeah, the patrolling takes you away, but you're doing it to protect us. It's not like you're off goofing around."
"But I–"
"Quil," I said, taking his face in my hands. "I love you. Lilly loves you. You are a great father. You provide for us, protect us and love us. What more do we need?"
"I will cut back my hours patrolling. It's not like any of the other guys have a baby at home."
"Well, at least for a little while. Emily is about to pop."
"Yeah, and Sam gave up phasing before his son even got here. Me, I patrol more now that our daughter is here. I'm so screwed up. Do you ever wish Jacob was her father?"
My jaw literally dropped. "Quil Ateara, how could you ever say such a thing?"
"He's who you wanted."
"Exactly." Quil's head popped up and he looked at me in horror. "Wanted, as in past tense," I said, seeing my husband sigh in relief. "I only want you now, Quil. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. It's just that Jacob fixed me; he brought me back from my zombie days. I couldn't help but love him for all that he'd for me. But you, you I love for no rhyme or reason other than you complete me, the real me. I wasn't living before; I was surviving. Now I don't just get by, now I'm living again – for the first time in a long time. I'd forgotten what it was to live, but you taught me. With you by my side, I'm learning to live again each and every day."
"I'm learning with you too. I think everyone knows I didn't really live properly with all the girls before. I was just filling a gap. A gap you and Lilly fill completely. I'm finally almost someone I can be proud of, someone I know my dad would be proud of."
"Not almost, Quil, you are."
"No, not yet. But I will be once I spend more time at home with you and Lilly."
Lilliana's health took a turn for the better the next day. And then few days later, the three of us went home together.