Chapter 38 – I'll Light The Night With Stars

She awoke to the sound of her front door opening, though couldn't find the energy to open her eyes, let alone sit up from her curled up position on the floor. Even when the person who entered sighed at the pitiful state she was in and picked her up, Sakura didn't put up a fight and no, it wasn't because she knew it was Sasuke who'd entered her home. Even when his cold hands brushed against the back of her knees to get a better hold of her, she didn't fight back.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked irritably. Did he know she was awake? "You're such a masochist."

Whatever.

There was a moment of juggling as Sasuke shifted her weight into the other arm, blindly searching for the handle to her bedroom door – wait, was it blindly? Was his Sharingan active, aiding him in seeing in the dark somewhat? Who cared?

Vaguely surprised with how gentle he was in placing her down into the bed, Sakura forced herself to open her eyes, watching tiredly as he knelt beside the bed and regarded her silently for a few moments.

"Itachi asked me to check on you," he answered her unspoken question. "Now I see why."

Presumptuous Uchiha men. Gods, it angered her. First Itachi assumed she wouldn't be able to handle the darkness of his world and shut her out 'for her own good'. Now, Sasuke was assuming she was in her current state because of his brother. Okay, that was partially true, but it was mostly exhaustion. Kind of.

"You spoke to him." Weakly, she nodded. "And?"

How long had she been asleep for in front of Ino's altar? It must have been a while, because when she next spoke, her voice was croaky and rough, "He wants me to move on."

"Will you?"

It wasn't said unkindly. Part of her heart even warmed at the fact Sasuke knew her well enough by now, to know that it wouldn't be so easy for her to move on. Her heart wasn't fickle and it would take a long while to let go of Uchiha Itachi. Who could really blame her?

Green eyes quickly left Sasuke's questioning gaze at the awful feeling of her throat aching, of her chest constricting with the tell-tale signs of a fast-approaching breakdown. It was almost humorous, wasn't it? She'd become such a powerful, highly respected and feared kunoichi, but one guy was enough to reduce her to an emotional wreck.

Then again… She was only seventeen. Civilians her age were still finding themselves, were still in education. They were still kids, whereas she'd taken lives and had been elbows deep in blood and guts on several occasions. Was she allowed these moments of weakness to act like a girl her age? Or was that held against her?

"I can't," she admitted in a trembling voice.

"Is he worth it?" There was clear anger in Sasuke's voice and it surprised her, but Sakura still couldn't look at him, even when he spoke again in a much rougher voice, "Is he worth the agony you're in?"

Worth it? Itachi was… not the man everyone presumed he was. They saw an unapproachable prodigy of the Uchiha clan, a man who was on a totally different level to the rest of them, a man who was complex and indifferent and composed. A man they had no hopes in understanding. What she saw, however, was a man who was struggling internally to find a light at the end of the tunnel. She saw a man who did what was expected of him, who fought so very hard for control, because that was all he knew. Itachi was a man who needed control, because it threw him completely off balance not to have it. He was a man with countless flaws, despite how perfect he seemed to everyone else.

He was a man who needed somebody to light up his world.

"Love always causes pain," Sakura murmured in reply.

"Then what's the point of it?" he demanded. "What's the point in any of it, if you're not getting anything out of it?"

Since Sasuke hadn't switched the light on, her bedroom was bathed in the darkness of the night, but instead of being disconcerting, it comforted her. A person was capable of hiding so much in the darkness, including their tears.

"Who said I didn't get anything out of it?" she asked and was proud of herself for keeping the shake out of her voice. "Itachi… sees me as his equal."

"…He does?"

It brought a smile to her lips, despite the tears flowing freely down the sides of her face. "Yeah."

Sasuke suddenly sighed once more. Usually, a person would have shifted in their position of kneeling on a hardwood floor, but being who he was, she supposed he was used to it by now. The Uchiha Clan was traditional in many ways, and from the other Itachi's memories, she saw how they were raised and what their clan meetings were like. They sat for hours at a time in that very same position.

"You said we would have a mission."

She couldn't help but chuckle. Trust Sasuke to change the subject like that – he was never one for an emotional conversation. In a way, she supposed she was grateful for that. "I suppose I did."

"Well?"

Green eyes rolled and somehow, she found the strength to sit up in bed and face him. Now that her eyes were adjusting to the dark, she could see that Sasuke was dressed in full jōnin uniform. "I was kind of preoccupied with something a little more pressing."

"Naruto told me," he said with obvious disapproval. "You're more than capable of disarming Temari. Why didn't you?"

While that was true, there was still the struggle of getting close enough to her to disarm Temari. All Sakura would have had to do once close enough, was take the fan and bend it, as the metal obviously wouldn't be anything magical or indestructible. Her enhanced strength would have been more than enough to get the job done, even if it meant forever being on Temari's bad side.

"I wasn't… I couldn't go against my friend," she replied with a helpless shrug. "It wasn't that I lacked the strength. I just couldn't…" Deciding a change in conversation was needed, for she was getting way too tired of going over her mistakes, Sakura then said, "I'll go and see Hokage-sama in the morning and request a mission."

There was a moment of pause, an almost awkward silence as Sasuke continued to watch her and while the look in his eyes was guarded, it still felt like he was trying to understand her, or like he was trying to figure something difficult out.

She didn't need three guesses to know what it was about, not since it was his first time in her apartment since building the thing.

"Just say it, Sasuke-kun."

He sighed. "You built an altar."

It was true that he had a right to be concerned, or at least confused. Usually it was only the family of the deceased who created an altar for them, but it was like Sai said: she and Ino were more like sisters than friends, just as he and his friend, Shin, had been more like brothers. It was so strange to admit it, but Sai understood her pain and had offered to build the altar with her because they were supposed to help with the grieving process.

"I thought it would make me feel closer to her," admitted Sakura and she copied his sigh. "But all I feel when I look at it is frustration and anguish." Closing her eyes, she tried to shut out the pain, but it was no use. The ever-present ache in her heart wouldn't let up. It never did. "I just… wish Ino had the same chance as the rest of us," she whispered. "To fall in love and grow old with that person, surrounded by their children and grandchildren and-"

"You're upsetting yourself," Sasuke said, though not unkindly. The words were spoken softly, almost comfortingly. "There's no use torturing yourself with those thoughts."

"How can I not?" Sakura asked brokenly. "I feel like I'm not living enough, like I'm wasting every opportunity Ino can never have."

"Then do something about it," he told her simply. "Move on from my brother, Sakura. He said before that I was holding you back – said Naruto was, too – but it seems like, right now, he's the one holding you back."

Was that how it seemed to others? Was Itachi really holding her back? In all honesty, Sakura couldn't see herself being with anyone else, or having the time to so much as consider being with anyone else. Was that because of her feelings for him? It was pretty terrifying, if that was the case.

But to just move on from him, like her feelings weren't anything spectacular was… It was insulting. To him and to herself.

How exactly was she supposed to move on, when she saw him almost every day? Going out with someone new was completely out of the question – the only guys she knew were either related to Itachi, or friends with him and that was just a huge middle finger to him, not to mention ridiculously disrespectful.

"I don't want to move on."

Sasuke looked at her like she was the most difficult puzzle in the world, like he was suddenly stuck in Naruto's brain and trying to understand why the hell Hinata kept stuttering and blushing around him (the amount of times he'd asked Sakura if Hinata had a fever, or if she was ill, was bordering on insane).

"Why?"

She smiled helplessly. "I'm in love with him."

Before, Sakura had promised Sasuke a mission because it was obvious he was growing restless, not to mention it gave her some time with her boys and a chance to bond with them again. Now, however, she was determined to get an a-ranked, possibly even s-ranked mission, as she knew for a fact he was severely pissed off with her.

He didn't understand why she was so in love with someone who refused to acknowledge his feelings towards her, or why she was so against moving on when all she would ever get in return for her loyalty and devotion, was rejection. Cold, hard rejection.

The Hokage Tower was calm as she entered and while walking towards Minato's office, she found that there was hardly anyone inside. That wasn't too worrying since it was a lovely day outside – a cloudless summer sky bore down on them all, warming them up and the village was busy with life. It reminded Sakura why she pushed herself so hard: the villagers, people who couldn't defend themselves. She did what she had to, to protect them all and make sure that they lived in peace. Fortunately for her, Minato wasn't busy and the second she knocked politely, he was telling her to come in. His office was much tidier than usual, Sakura noticed. There weren't piles of paperwork waiting to be signed and read through, and there was also no books or scrolls laying around and cluttering his desk.

"Visitors, Hokage-sama?"

He smiled warmly. "The Kazekage, actually. He should be here within the hour, if not sooner."

That fast? She had to admit, she was impressed, but then again, he was the Kazekage for a reason (that or he set off not long after his children).

"How are Temari and Kankuro?" she asked.

Not that they sustained any injuries, but they were currently under arrest – Minato could pretty the words up as much as he liked, however, there was no getting around it. They were being classed as criminals and should the elders learn about what transpired… It wouldn't end well for them, that was for certain. Kazekage's children or not, they had attacked Konoha-nin and had said themselves that they would go through anyone they had to, to get a hold of Yahiko, Konan and Nagato. The elders would say that the village was in danger and, using that, would gain the vote of the heads of each clan.

"They are understandably angry." Sighing, Minato looked years older as he relaxed fully in his seat, slouching. It was an odd sight when he was dressed in his official Hokage robes. "Temari-san more so than Kankuro-kun." Oh? Had Temari snapped at him already about the 'chan' honorific? Sakura had known, the very first time she'd heard him say it, that she wouldn't like it. "Gaara-kun is doing his best to talk with them, however."

She frowned, chewing on her lip worriedly.

His warm smile returned, the same smile as Kakashi's and Naruto's, telling her not to worry so much, because everything was going to work out fine. "I'm sure the Kazekage won't be too harsh on his children, Sakura-chan." Blue eyes creased. "As long as the elders don't catch wind of what happened, then our only concern is the Kazekage."

She nodded in agreement. "He will be assisted by his guard, won't he? Will you need our squad?"

Shaking his head, he said, "Kushina and Naruto will be there, along with one of my advisers. That will be plenty enough." At her deepening frown, Minato smiled. "You worry too much for such a young girl, Sakura-chan. Go out and enjoy your life – you won't be young forever."

His words reminded her of her panic the night before, reminding her of what Sasuke had told her. Were their words any different? They held the same meaning, didn't they? It was all about the opportunities and not wasting them.

From what Sakura could remember, a few years ago Minato had made Kakashi one of his trusted advisers, once he'd well and truly retired from ANBU. Of course, there was still the odd mission every now and then, but he was no longer an active member. If Kakashi was the one who was accompanying their Hokage, then she knew she could breathe easy. Nothing got by her former sensei and he would know what to do, should the Kazekage turn on them.

More than anything, Sakura hoped that wouldn't happen.

"Not that I am not glad to see you after yesterday's events," Minato said teasingly, "but why have you come to me, Sakura-chan? Are you well?"

There was probably a deeper meaning to those three words, however, she wasn't going to get into it. "Actually," she began, smiling in an attempt to sweeten him up, "I was wondering if you could assign myself and Team Seven a mission? Preferably something above a-ranked." At his responding silence and expression of regret, Sakura continued quickly, "Obviously after your meeting with Kazekage-sama."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Minato said apologetically. "You are needed in another team. The debriefing will be tonight, in fact."

What? Already? That wasn't fair. She wanted to go out with her boys – it had been way too long.

Sighing, Sakura nodded once, anyway. If she was needed, then that meant there truly was no one else for the job. It just couldn't be helped. They needed a medic who was capable of fighting on the front lines, meaning it would be s-ranked or even higher than that. Sure, there was Tsunade, but she was always in high demand at the hospital.

"I understand."

"I promise that when you get back, I will leave some time for you to go on a mission with Naruto and Sasuke-kun," he offered, still sounding apologetic. "Right now, however, I think it would be in Konoha's best interest to keep Naruto here – until the Kazekage and his children leave, at least."

That was logical, too, since Naruto and Gaara understood one another so well – like they were brothers, in a way. They knew of each other's pain, the pain of being jinchūriki and having to deal with others hating them for it, and they were there for each other now that they were on good terms. They would do their absolute best to make sure everything ended on good terms – no, not ended, but they would fix the problems between their villages and save the treaty.

"What time would you like for me to come back, Hokage-sama?"

"I will send for you." Sighing, Minato then asked with a minute frown, "How are you feeling, Sakura-chan? You're being awfully closed off for once."

She was? "I'm fine, Hokage-sama."

"There is nothing bothering you?"

Sakura shook her head, willing the vicious ache in her heart to go away. The Hokage didn't have time to listen to her love life problems (or lack of love life). He had a meeting with the Kazekage that would determine whether or not they would be going to war with Suna, on top of massive piles of paperwork.

"You will tell me if you need a break, won't you?"

Why should she receive special treatment? What did she have to complain about? She had a life, didn't she? Well, she was living and that was something too many people didn't get the chance to do.

"Of course, Hokage-sama."

There was a beat of silence and during it, her hands came together behind her back, fisting tightly, wondering if he was going to dismiss her, or if she had to ask to be dismissed. It still looked as though Minato was trying to read her mind, regardless of the fact she'd showed him more or less everything not too long ago. Was he worried about her because of the things he saw? Could she really blame him if he was worried?

And then, all of a sudden, he asked her, "Sakura-chan, would you ever consider taking on a group of students?"

She frowned. Was this Minato's way of telling her he didn't want her on the squad anymore? Had he been lying when he said he still trusted her? "You mean… retire from ANBU."

"Not necessarily," he argued quietly. "It would give you more experience and you can continue taking ANBU missions on top of missions with your students-"

"Though never missions that could take me away from the village for prolonged periods of time." It had killed her a little on the inside each and every time Kakashi did that to them and Sakura vehemently refused to cause that sort of hurt to anyone, especially not children. "I'm still a child myself in many ways, Hokage-sama. No student is going to respect someone who's nearly the same age as them – it doesn't matter how much I'm talked about in the village, or how highly I'm respected by others. Hell, Team Seven had a hard time respecting Kakashi-sensei because he seemed much younger than he actually is."

"At least consider it," Minato pleaded. "Kakashi said taking on Team Seven and taking a step back in ANBU was one of the greatest decisions of his life."

Oh, she highly doubted that. Kakashi enjoyed the adrenaline rush of fighting for his life, of feeling as though every mission was his last. He enjoyed feeling useful and appreciated by higher ups, even if he would never admit it. They all did. They all needed that feeling of accomplishment whenever their strength was recognised and praised.

"I don't want to take on students," Sakura told him firmly. Just the thought of having three impressionable, fragile twelve year olds under her care caused her stomach to tie into a knot and her heart to skip a beat. It was terrifying. "I'm staying in ANBU."

Like hell she would be pushed into a position she didn't want to be in. She wasn't a pushover anymore.

"If that's what you truly want," he replied with a sigh. The expression on his face screamed his displeasure and disappointment, but she didn't care. "You are dismissed, Sakura-chan."

Without looking back, Sakura left, not caring that the door banged on her way out.

Anger was still making her stomach twist, but something that was more painful than that, was the hurt she felt. It was like Minato didn't trust her anymore and it… hurt so much. He'd always been a nice person in her eyes, so was this his way of politely telling her that he didn't want her on the squad anymore?

Fortunately for her, the villagers stayed out of her way as she made her way to the hospital. It was the one place where Sakura knew what the hell she was doing, even if it had been way too long since she was last there. There, she felt safe. There was a shred of normalcy within the hospital's four walls, there was a sense of purpose. It made her feel useful, despite all that was happening and it was a great way to distract herself.

A talk with Tsunade would set her straight, too.

Gritting her teeth and clenching her fists to try and hold back her anger, Sakura picked up her pace. Having a tantrum in front of the villagers couldn't happen. Not only would it terrify them, but it would…

Frowning as her eyes fell onto a completely surprising sight, Sakura came to a stop in her fast paced stomp towards the hospital.

And then… her anger faded away.

She saw Itachi at the other end of the street, nodding to three young children and she once again thought about what Minato had said.

Unlike herself, who was way too young and reckless to order kids about, as she was no older than them, she could seriously see Itachi managing them well. He would be a strong sensei, a capable one. If his students ever had any problems, they could go to him with them, and he would be able to help. Whether it was training, or guidance, or simply somebody to lighten the burden… Itachi was the person to go to. In a way, she supposed he'd been like a sensei to her when she first joined ANBU. He had always been there to help her, to teach her and to protect her, hadn't he?

Sakura tilted her head to the side, admiring the gentleness of his gaze as he smiled and the light-hearted way he spoke to the children and when his eyes lifted and met hers, she didn't look away. Instead, she smiled at him and was inwardly relieved when Itachi didn't immediately look away. None of the warmth left his eyes as he returned her smile.

Her smile turned bittersweet when his attention returned to the children and unknowingly, Sakura clutched at her shirt, over her heart. Damned pain… Would it ever leave her alone? Would she ever get over him?

When he looked back to see if she was still there, she made sure to be long gone, already rushing to the hospital.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Sakura did her best to ignore the knowing look in her shishou's honey brown eyes, but it was impossible. There was no way to escape it. All but throwing herself into the chair opposite Tsunade's desk, she breathed out a sigh of frustration, again trying not to take notice in the way she gazed at her.

"You've gotten brave since joining ANBU, I'll admit that," she muttered. "But just know, Sakura, if you ever invite yourself into my office and throw yourself into my chairs in such a pitiful manner again, I will beat you to within an inch of your life. Is that understood?"

She sighed once more, this time in resignation. Even the threats that had once sent her running with her knees knocking together no longer had an effect. "Yes, Tsunade-sama."

There was a tsk followed by the sound of Tsunade dropping her pen to the desk and when Sakura looked up, she found her shishou staring at her expectantly. "What is it?"

It was fairly amusing to see that the blinds were shut, blocking out the harsh sun outside. Knowing Tsunade the way she did, she was willing to bet whatever money she had to her name that the woman was hungover. The crankiness was just a part of her personality.

"Hokage-sama suggested I take on students."

"Oh?" Her lips curved with a smile as she folded her hands together, resting her chin on them. "Are you passing on my knowledge?"

Was that encouragement to take on a team of students? "I refused."

The smile disappeared. "I see. Why?"

With a sigh, green eyes drifted up to the plain white ceiling. If nothing else, at least she'd get the chance to catch up with her shishou. How long had it been this time? They'd gone from regular training sessions to rarely seeing one another, either because Tsunade was busy stretching herself way too thin in the hospital, trying to heal everyone and ease their pain all at once, or Sakura was busy with missions.

"How can they respect someone who's nearly the same age as them?" she asked grumpily.

"That's bullshit and you know it." The blunt language didn't shock her. In fact, she'd been expecting it. "All you would have to do is show them who's boss and you'll have your respect." Irritation was etched into Tsunade's beautiful features. "How the hell do you think I got here today being a woman?"

Sexist-

"The times I grew up in, Sakura, didn't allow women to do much other than teaching and a medical career. Even kunoichi were restricted mainly to seduction missions simply because they were women." Chuckling once, she added, "If you were ugly, then you had to use a henge, otherwise you were screwed and out of a job."

Was she serious? Tsunade was in her late fifties – surely things weren't that different when she was growing up? Then again, from the memories the other Itachi left with her, Sakura knew that Madara and Danzo both believed all women were weak emotional wrecks – probably weren't the only ones, either. But there were men like that still plaguing their streets.

Though she supposed they had come a long way, if what Tsunade was saying was true. Women – some of the women she'd met – no longer held themselves back in any way, shape or form. They were the ones who got shit done and put food on the table, refusing to rely on men to do all the hard work while they remained housewives. Honestly, Sakura hoped she never became a housewife.

"If you want to do something, go and do it. Don't sit around sulking, expecting things to come to you."

Jeez. And to think she'd come to Tsunade to try and be cheered up.

"Now, if you're done brooding like an Uchiha, go and make yourself useful."

Frowning, she sat up properly. "I have nothing to do until tonight."

"There's never 'nothing to do'," she scoffed in reply. "How about you do some rounds today?" Tsunade offered and picked up her own clipboard, handing it over. "You'll recognise a few of the names – you've treated them before."

Accepting the clipboard, her green eyes skimmed through the names, along with what was wrong with them and at a point, she felt her heart break.

"Poor Satsuki-san," she whispered. "She's only sixty-three."

There was a responding sigh. "I know. It's a difficult job, Sakura."

Could her heart take any more breaking?

Before ANBU, she was the one who regularly examined Satsuki and during those times, the woman was nothing but warm and kind to her. A pretty dry sense of humour, sure, but she was easy to get on with. It was devastating that such a kind old woman was suffering from a terminal illness. However, knowing that the woman had a loving family behind her and supporting her, eased the pain somewhat. During their old regular check-ups, they'd discussed many things and her family was one of their favourite topics.

"But somebody has to do it," Sakura added and did her best to smile. "Are you sure your patients won't mind?"

Tsunade waved dismissively, once more busying herself with paperwork. "Of course not. You're my student, meaning they're in capable hands." Pausing for a second, she looked up seriously. "Satsuki's eyesight has deteriorated immensely, by the way. She can barely see a thing."

The ache in her heart doubled.

"Satsuki-san," Sakura almost sang as she entered the room, her smile widening at the way Satsuki instantly recognised her voice. The woman had brightened up considerably and even though she was staring sightlessly at the foot of her bed, it warmed her heart how she never truly forgot her. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

The old lady patted the side of her bed in invitation and gratefully, Sakura accepted the space. Satsuki was only small, even shorter than herself and was frighteningly thin – though she supposed the latter could only be expected in her ill state. It was difficult for her to keep anything down.

"Sakura-chan, how have you been? It's been too long!" In a grandmotherly gesture, the woman then said, "There's some chocolates in my bag, if you want some. They tell me not to eat them because they're full of bad ingredients and I can't keep much down."

Reaching for the bag that was on the nightstand, she searched for the chocolates and checked the expiration date, just to be sure they were still edible. Once she knew they were safe to eat, she told Satsuki, "Tell you what, I'll give you one if you tell me another one of your stories. It'll be a secret!"

Much to her happiness, Satsuki laughed. It was a cheerful sound, despite where she was and how short a time she had left. "Oh, no. You don't want to hear an old woman's boring stories. Tell me about you, Sakura-chan. Where have you been?"

Guilt wrapped around her heart, but instead of letting it show, she busied herself with unwrapping two chocolates and handing one to the woman. "I've been on missions, Satsuki-san. Hokage-sama recognised my strength and asked me to be one of his guards."

It felt okay opening up to Satsuki and not because she was dying. The woman was a retired kunoichi, one who had once been feared and highly respected. However, she fell in love and decided to retire, opening a sweet shop in the village to help support her family. There were children – well, they weren't children anymore. If Sakura remembered the stories correctly, then her eldest child was still an active shinobi.

"Really? That's amazing." There was another smile as she sucked on the chocolate and she couldn't help but wonder how a woman who appeared so cheerful and at peace, was so ill. "That is a great achievement, Sakura-chan."

"I know." She returned the smile even though Satsuki couldn't see it. "But enough about me. I'm so bored of my own life that I think it's time to change a few things, you know?"

"You have plenty of time for change," Satsuki told her warmly.

Shit. There she was complaining about how boring her life was, when the poor woman didn't have that long left of her own life. How selfish did she sound? It was like being a child again, a superficial child who cared only for herself.

"Sorry," Sakura murmured, her cheeks red with shame.

Instantly, the old woman was laughing, her hand coming down to Sakura's knee and patting it gently. How she knew it was there, she didn't question it, since Satsuki was once a shinobi. Just because her eyesight was gone, it didn't mean her skills were.

"Don't apologise to an old woman for being young, Sakura-chan," she said with a chuckle. "It's natural for a person your age to be bored. Gods know my son was the same way."

"How is your son?" Sakura asked, trying to change the subject.

The laughter died away until Satsuki was serious once more, her sightless eyes boring into the foot of the bed. The sudden seriousness filled her with dread, had her expecting the worst and the words of condolences bubbled on her tongue, ready to be said as soon as she said-

"He got married the other week," she told her.

Oh.

That wasn't what she'd expected at all.

Frowning, Sakura sat up. "Isn't that a good thing?"

She sighed. "Oh, yes. Definitely. He's very happy with his bride."

The frown deepened as she sensed Satsuki's growing upset. "Then why are you sad, Satsuki-san?"

"I wish I could have seen it."

Tears threatened to fill her eyes. Of course, it was so obvious that she would want to see her son's wedding with her own eyes – eyes that couldn't see a thing and would never be able to. People could describe the setting to her to try and help her envision it, but it couldn't possibly compare to seeing it for herself.

"You know, in my clan, our eyes are everything to us."

The words stunned her and Sakura examined Satsuki's features more closely, however, there was no likeness to the other Uchiha clansmen. It seemed ridiculous, as she'd been her medic for many years, but she'd never known Satsuki as anything other than Satsuki-san. The woman never gave her last name – it wasn't even on her file. Obviously, it was strange. With her being a kunoichi, though, she'd never thought twice about it. After all, Sai didn't have a last name.

"If you don't mind my asking…?"

"What clan?" The smile was wistful. "I was an Uchiha, Sakura-chan."

It was rude to think it, but all other Uchiha she'd met were flawlessly beautiful. Satsuki wasn't like the other Uchiha. There was nothing spectacular about her features – they were plain, average and her personality was a total opposite to the other Uchiha women, who were all snobs and so far up their own a-

"I was disowned by my parents for choosing to marry a man outside of the clan," Satsuki told her and like she could hear her thoughts, a very arrogant, Uchiha-like smirk pulled at the corner of her lips. "But it was what I wanted and so I went through with it, regardless of their disapproval."

Well, shit.

She really was an Uchiha.

"Why not take your husband's last name, though?" she couldn't help but ask.

Her smirk widened. "I learned that I would not be defined by what my last name is. I may have been an Uchiha, may be a married woman, but I always have and always will be my own woman." She patted Sakura's leg once more. "Be your own person, Sakura-chan, and never allow yourself to be weighed down by anything. You are young enough and certainly strong enough to change things."

The words brought a smile to her lips.

A good spar was exactly what she needed.

Panting for breath, Sakura watched her shishou closely, waiting for the moment their spar recommenced. Her heart was pounding and sweat was running down her spine and temple, but damn did it feel good to let all her frustration out.

It hadn't been long since her chat with Satsuki and it was still repeating itself in her mind. What she said was true – there was more than enough time to change the things that were making her unhappy, and she was the only one who could change them. It was her life and Sakura thought it was about time she took control of it.

"How are your reserves?" Tsunade asked, also watching her closely. "You have a mission tonight, so I won't tire you out too much."

"They're still pretty much untouched," she replied with an arrogant smirk.

The blonde chuckled at that, but surprised Sakura by standing up straight and placing her hands on her hips. "Well, let's leave it at that, then." At her look of disbelief, Tsunade scowled. "Don't give me that look, Sakura. You're ANBU now, meaning your missions need you to be at full strength. I will sooner give up my sake than have you die on a mission because of recklessness, is that understood?"

"I suppose," Sakura reluctantly agreed, copying her shishou's example as she relaxed out of her fighting stance.

"I have to admit: I'm impressed with how much you've improved." The compliment shocked her, leaving her to stare up at the older woman with wide green eyes. "I couldn't predict a single one of your movements and you've stopped relying on just your enhanced strength to win a fight."

Blushing, Sakura ducked her head, trying to hide her happiness. It was rare for Tsunade to compliment her or praise her, but when she did, no matter how old Sakura got, it always made her feel giddy on the inside.

"Sakura."

She looked up at her, frowning softly at how much closer she suddenly was. "Yes, Tsunade-sama?"

It surprised her greatly when the blonde placed her hand on the top of her head, smiling down at her. "I'm proud of you."

Damn it… Why were tears filling her eyes? It wasn't a sad moment – the exact opposite, in fact and Sakura couldn't have been happier, so why did she have to cry like a baby?

Tsunade chuckled and as the hand left her hair, she gently brushed the tears away, her gaze warm and tender. "For what it's worth, I think you'd be a great sensei."

"R-Really?"

"Of course, you learned from me."

How arrogant! Despite that, she still laughed, feeling incredibly light as she did so. In the back of her mind, Sakura wondered how long it had been since she laughed so freely, but the thought only made her feel sadder and in response, she shut it out. It wasn't worth thinking about.

But apparently Tsunade didn't think so, her eyes saddening somewhat. It could only be expected, though. After appearing so pitiful in her office earlier that day, it was only natural for her shishou to worry. Regardless of how she acted, she had the biggest heart Sakura had ever seen. The blonde cared about everyone so dearly, even if she never admitted it. The fear of going through such agonising loss was what held her back and she knew deep in her heart that that would probably never change.

"How are things with Itachi?"

"They could be better," Sakura admitted, sighing. "It just feels like no matter what happens, or how much I try to avoid it, I'm always hurting."

Honey brown eyes lowered to the ground, seeming distant as she quietly murmured, "When it hurts, that's when you know it's true."

There she was being selfish again. Damn it. What right did she have to complain when Tsunade had lost the love of her life in the most horrific way? With his blood staining all the way up to her elbows, with him telling her in rasping breaths that he didn't want to die. What right did she have?

"Tsunade-sama, I'm-"

Honey brown eyes darted to the trees, narrowing dangerously and she honestly feared for whoever was intruding on them. Interrupting a moment where the blonde was so vulnerable was suicidal.

"It seems we have an audience."

Sakura's eyes narrowed a fraction and swept through the gaps in the trees. As always, her shishou was a step ahead – she hadn't even been able to sense their presence until Tsunade had pointed it out. However, she didn't scold herself for it. The older woman was much more experienced than herself.

"Come out," Sakura ordered before Tsunade could.

Part of herself shrunk back, fearing the look of disbelief and the flying fist of anger that was about to punch her back into her place, but it never came. Instead, she continued to watch the trees. What did that mean?

"Ah, sorry for intruding." Three people left the trees, the person in front scratching his shockingly ginger hair. "We heard you were down here and wanted to speak with you."

She was glad Konan was looking well. After all that had happened since Temari and Kankuro's attack yesterday, Sakura hadn't had the chance to go and see her. Then again, she'd done well to keep Konan out of the battle, to keep all their names clear. There was no reason for her not to be well.

"I should have come sooner," Konan said, stepping around Yahiko. Behind her, Nagato stood silently, his strange purple eyes surveying the damage from her and Tsunade's spar. "Naruto-kun said it would be best to stay hidden, however."

Yes, it was best. They should have stayed hidden in the first place and maybe yesterday wouldn't have happened. The whole battle could have been avoided if Minato had just followed her advice – hell, they both should have listened to Itachi in the first place and found somewhere else for the trio to hide.

"We wanted to apologise," Yahiko stated earnestly. "Please forgive us for causing so much trouble for you, Sakura-chan."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow and glanced down at her expectantly. It made sense. Nobody outside of those who were involved in the battle yesterday (and Sasuke), knew of what happened and it was to remain that way. Both for Temari and Kankuro's sake as well as Yahiko, Konan and Nagato's. There was no telling how the villagers would react if they found out how close they came to war because they were housing supposed criminals.

"Don't worry about it," she replied easily. "It's old news."

Smiling, Konan stepped forward and held out her hand and instantly, paper began to gather, looking exactly like the bouquet she had made for her yesterday – the one that had been destroyed by the harsh wind summoned by Temari's fan.

"Thank you," Sakura said gratefully, accepting them with both hands. "They're beautiful."

"No, thank you for defending us," came Konan's serious reply. "Even though they are your friends, you still protected us. Not a lot of people would do that after all that has happened. You truly are a good woman with a kind heart. Thank you."

With her spirits well and truly lifted, and a smile unable to leave her lips, Sakura walked down the streets of Konoha, intent on sneaking into Ichiraku's with her boys. It would be the only chance she had to tell them about her mission and with how happy she currently felt, she knew she could handle Sasuke's discontent and anger, on top of Naruto's disappointment.

However, she was once again distracted when she spotted a familiar face in the crowds, his black hood instantly capturing her attention. How in the hell did he get out of ANBU's watchful eyes? If he was out on the streets, then that meant he escaped them and-

"Sakura."

"Kankuro-san." Green eyes narrowed suspiciously. He wasn't being watched by ANBU. Had Kankuro actually managed to sneak away? If so, it was her responsibility to drag him straight back. "How are you out here?"

A large hand came to the back of his head and he scratched it in an almost self-conscious gesture. "My dad spoke with your Hokage. Everything's sorted."

That easily? "And your sister?"

He rolled his eyes. "Sulking. He's got Gaara watching over her, but she doesn't mind as much. ANBU were pretty rough."

What? "They hurt you?" she demanded, concern causing her to snap the words more than ask them. Fortunately, Kankuro didn't seem to care.

"No more than what we deserved," he said with a careless shrug. "Our ANBU would have skinned you alive, had our positions been reversed. We knew what we were getting ourselves into."

Sakura's frown deepened. So much for nothing ruining her happy mood. "They shouldn't have laid a single hand on either of you. Hokage-sama demanded that you were kept out of sight, not interrogated."

Again, Kankuro shrugged. "I wanted to ask you something, anyway."

"Go ahead."

Glancing down the street at Ichiraku's, she saw Sasuke and Naruto stepping into the stall. It would give her half an hour, at the very least, to join them. Whatever Kankuro had to say would probably be over within a matter of minutes, possibly less. There was nothing he could say that would-

"Will you go on a date with me?"

…Shock her.

"W-What?"

A small smirk played on his lips and once more, Kankuro scratched the back of his head. Was it a nervous gesture? Could someone like him even get nervous in anything outside of battle? The thought seemed laughable, yet there they stood, with him looking nervous.

"Yesterday… I couldn't attack you. Even though we talked about it and what we had to do should it really come down to it, I couldn't attack you like Temari could." The smirk slipped away, leaving him looking troubled and uncomfortable, just as he had the day before. "Seeing her tear into you like that was painful. I felt sick."

He was… being serious. There wasn't a trace of a lie in his voice or his expression and it made her stomach twist sharply. What was she supposed to say to that? To what seemed like the most sincere and emotional speech he'd ever given her?

"I know it seems sudden," he added, gazing over her shoulder. "But I thought it was obvious I was attracted to you back during Naruto's training with Gaara."

Well, yes, but… This was totally unexpected. Sakura could feel her mouth hanging open in shock, could feel her wide eyes staring at him – no, gawking at him.

It was so surreal.

"Well?" he pushed and looked back at her, a faint blush staining his cheeks and nose. "Will you go on a date with me?"

Damn it, how did she say no?

Damn it, why did she have to say no?

What did Satsuki tell her earlier that day? She was young enough and strong enough to change the things in her life that made her unhappy. Her relationship with Itachi – if one could even call it that – definitely didn't make her happy. It hurt like hell and repeatedly reduced her to tears.

Sakura gave a smile at Kankuro's words, though couldn't help but feel guilty.

What was she thinking, huh? She couldn't get over Itachi by using him. It was unthinkable and cruel.

"Kankuro-san, I…"

The presence of another suddenly made themselves known, making her startle when a hand came to her lower back.

Leaning forward, with his lips nearly brushing on her earlobe, he murmured to her, "Your presence has been requested by Hokage-sama."

Kankuro's eyes were wide when Sakura looked back to him and she was confused to see the knowing expression that soon took over his features.

"That answers that. I didn't know," he apologised.

Shit.

She shook her head, disagreeing. "It's not like that, but…" Frowning, Sakura said, "I'll find you, if you're still here when I get back. If not, I'll write."

He looked shocked and a little confused, but thankfully didn't try to dissuade her as he instead nodded, saying, "Thanks."

Turning on her heel, she settled the other man with a glower and he responded by watching her silently. It was only when Kankuro left them alone that her green eyes narrowed. Who did he think he was? He turned her down. What right did he have to interfere like that?

"Itachi, you can't do stuff like that."

He lifted his head, gazing at her languidly.

"You know exactly what I mean." She placed her hands on her hips, showing her unhappiness. "Appearing like that after Kankuro-san's confession. Just so happening to be around." Frustration was gnawing at her, making tears fill her eyes. "I told you that my heart was yours and you didn't want it. You have no right to interfere."

Silence.

That bastard!

The tears slipped down her cheeks faster than she could stop them. "I don't want to be alone all my life, Itachi."

"So you are willing to settle for somebody who is not worthy of you?"

Anger rippled through her so quickly that she saw nothing and during that time, her hand lashed out. Either he knew he deserved it, or honestly hadn't seen it coming, because the slap connected, snapping his head to the side. They both ignored the gasps of shock from the shoppers going about their day, too caught up in their disagreement – argument was too strong a word to use when one of the participants wasn't as wound up as the other, when one didn't seem all that concerned.

"How dare you," she whispered, glaring up into his eyes once he turned to face her again. "What gives you the right to decide on someone's worth? Kankuro-san is a good person and a strong shinobi, but most of all, he doesn't run away." Her voice cracked, just like the anger in her expression, leaving Sakura to feel more vulnerable than ever. "He understands my feelings."

"Understands?" repeated Itachi, his voice low. "What is there to understand? You have no feelings for him."

She shook her head. "But over time, I could develop them. Just like I developed feelings for you."

"Are you really so fickle?" he questioned.

Sakura had to look away, reminding herself of what the other Itachi used to tell her. When his heart was at risk of being hurt, he would be cruel. It didn't excuse any of his actions, but it explained them. It was enough to make her hold back her itching hand from slapping him a second time.

Finally, when she looked back to him, she frowned tiredly and her eyes stung. "What do you want from me, Itachi? You don't want me, but you don't want me to be with anyone else." Even though it made her feel pathetic, her features suddenly turned pleading. "I can't stand to be so unhappy or alone any longer, so please… Please make your mind up."

"Hokage-sama has requested to see us," Itachi suddenly stated. "We cannot keep him waiting any longer."

Rejection.

Yet again, he was rejecting her.

How surprising. This time, she was the one who walked away. How many times had they been there now? Too many. And she was done with his excuses, with his pathetic 'nobody understands me' bullshit. For fuck sake, she knew him better than anyone. She knew exactly what was going through that stupid head of his.

Why did he do this to her?

Sakura sensed Itachi walking behind her and the silence was deafening, even in the noisiness of the street and the numerous conversations surrounding them. To try and fight back the traitorous tears, she bit down on her lip harshly, but they still filled her eyes.

Why did he always do this to her?

"Sakura-"

Oh, no he fucking didn't.

"Hokage-sama has requested to see us," she snapped his words back to him.

Silence.

It stayed that way throughout their journey to the Hokage's office – something that felt thrice as long as it usually did, however she knew that that was probably because of the ache in her heart.

Around him, she felt cold and it wasn't due to the temperature being lower than it usually was. It was him. There was no warmth to be found from the man who had been all smiles and kindness just hours before. Now, he was stoic and closed off. Shocker.

Kushina walked by them on the way to Minato's office. She smiled at them both, though must have known why they were going to see her husband, because she didn't stop her for a chat like she usually would have. The poor woman looked exhausted, too. No doubt the meeting with the Kazekage went on forever, making her wonder how Naruto was doing, also.

"Good, you're already here. We can-"

The abrupt end of his sentence had Sakura glancing up at Minato, frowning at his look of concern.

"Sakura-chan, are you okay?"

She nodded, unable to find her voice. The feeling of dark eyes boring into the back of her head was uncomfortable until Itachi stood by her side, and then she could feel him staring at her face.

There was silence for a moment before the blond sighed and sat forward in his seat, resting his elbows on the desk. "I have a mission for you both."

Great. That was just what they needed. There was no use in arguing for the simple fact that she and Itachi had been on a team together for a long time, meaning they worked well together and knew one another, too. Their teamwork, despite their relationship, was better than great.

"I won't lie. This mission will be one of the toughest so far," Minato warned darkly. His expression was grave, the look in his blue eyes making her feel cold on the inside. "Sakura-chan, you managed to defeat the leaders of the false Akatsuki, but their followers are running havoc now that they have no one to order them around. I need a quick and clean solution for this problem and unfortunately, there is no one better for the job than you four."

Wait… four?

At her frown, he gave a small, yet still somehow serious smile. "Two of my own personal guards will be accompanying you."

Worry had her heart-rate increasing.

His personal guards were not his ANBU squad, which she was a part of. The personal guard were the three men he trained personally to protect him, teaching them his own jutsu so that they could adjust to his fighting style, should they have to fight together. If they were coming with them, then it meant the mission was highly classified and they had to make sure it didn't trace back to Konoha. It meant it could end in such a way where they would have to use the Hokage's jutsu to return.

"Who?" Itachi asked.

"Genma and Raidō."

No!

She bit her lip, stomach in knots and it felt as though her heart was suddenly being squeezed tightly.

"Never ignore your gut instinct," Kakashi's words came back to her.

No matter what, Sakura silently vowed, Genma was returning to Shizune.

History would not repeat itself.

A/N - I got this done much quicker than I thought I would to say I didn't have a day off until today. Nine days in a row of uni and work is killer!