Catherine
The wait for our breakfast is a quiet affair. Sara's eyes dart around the diner uncomfortably while mine are fixed on her. Watching, observing. And I wonder where this will go. If she doesn't say anything soon we won't have that talk at all because I've said all that I needed to say.
Several minutes strike by and I start looking around for the waitress, as if that action would hurry her up.
"I'm sorry." Taken aback I lift my gaze up to Sara, not sure whether she really said what I believe I heard. My confusion must be showing on my face as she immediately provides me with an explanation.
"After that argument, in the lab, you apologized. I've done some thinking and it occurred to me that I haven't. But my words weren't really flattering and that's something I'm sorry for." She looks at me. All I manage to say is "Okay". That was certainly unexpected.
The waitress brings our plates, saving me from having to elaborate and I throw her a grateful smile.
"So, where do we go from here?" Sara asks as soon as we are alone again. Shrugging I stir my coffee with the spoon. "Where do you want to go from here?" I counter, after all, I did say I wanted to give her a chance.
She looks at me with that scrutinizing intensity. It's all the answer I need.
"I told you, I can't." Leaning back I try to put some more distance between us. She needs to understand this, once and for all. "Sorry," she whispers, shying from my gaze. Great, now were back to awkward.
"Listen," I try to get through to her, "let's go again at the friendship, okay? It wasn't that bad now, was it?" lighten the mood, way to go.
She gives me that famous half smirk of hers and I'm relieved to see I'm at least amusing her. "Didn't really work though." She smiles with a hint of regret in her voice.
"It's all I can offer you, Sara." I say as gently as I can. "This time around let's play with open cards. We should give it a try. It's better than what we did before, isn't it?" I'm not sure who I am trying to convince at this point but if she believes in my words maybe I can too.
"I don't know if I can do it, Catherine." she admits weakly. "But I'd like to try" she adds a few breaths later. We should be able to work from here on.
"It's settled then." Strangely I don't feel very happy about that solution. It would help if she didn't look so fuckin sexy with that shy smile on her face. I definitely need to dispose of my attraction to her. If I give in again I might break her for good, and contrary to what most people think of me, I'm not a cold hearted bitch. And I'll stick to my promise. I won't hurt her again. Now I really hope she'll play by the rules and won't tempt me.
"So..." We speak up simultaneously, causing us both to chuckle. It's relieving, even if there's still a tense atmosphere hanging in the air. I don't believe our current case will provide great conversation but at least it would allow for talking instead of strained silence.
The moment I open my mouth to speak Sara beats me to it. "Ah, how's Lindsay?" she asks, making me smile. Definitely a better topic than work, even if I'm fairy certain she's asking primarily because that was the first -and only- topic that sprang to her mind.
Anyway, I'm happy to tell her about Linds. Even if she's still nursing her growing attitude, I'm proud of my little girl and I gladly share that feeling. I wonder whether it would be a good idea to let Sara know that Linds has been asking about her. They have a strange connection, even if they've only met a couple of times. They both speak fondly of each other. Sara seems genuinely interested in my daughter, I doubt that she's just pretending that out of politeness. Still I'm apprehensive about supporting their bonding, I want to maintain our burgeoning friendship but including my daughter would be too much at the time. I need to know that we will actually succeed in this for a while before I'll let her get that close.
Sara's pager goes off, interrupting our conversation. She smiles, telling me there's results on the fibers we dropped off in trace before we left. Paying the tab we quickly gather our belongings and head back to the lab.
Hours pass and we are again a few steps closer to solving our case. Shift has been over for a while now and I decide it's time to go home and catch a bit of sleep before coming back and continuing. Sara argues that she'd like to stay but would be okay if I left to see Lindsay when she gets home from school. I sigh. She's incorrigible.
"Go home, get some sleep." I tell her, trying my best not to sound too much like a mom, which is hard seeing how I am just that. I cut in before Sara can finish the obligatory "I'm fine".
"Get some rest, Sara. You can come in early if you can't help yourself but you need to actually leave this place every once in a while." I don't want to set off an argument so I soften my tone when I continue. "We'll have a lot to do next shift, I want you rested. Please." I add, batting my eyelashes a little, I'm well aware of the effect my expression will have on her. I feel bad for using her feelings for me against her but it's the only way I can guarantee she complies. And she looks like she needs the sleep.
She stares at me for a while, me holding her glare until her eyes soften and she mumbles something that sounds like "As you mean."
Shit, she's really got it bad.