A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Welcome to the newbies and everyone who added me to alerts and favorites. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
It's hard to believe that I've been working on this story for over a year...and still have no idea how it's going to end. Oh well, I'm enjoying writing it so that's all that matters.
Chapter 38: The Phoenix
BPOV
"Come on Bells, it's time to go. We're gonna miss our flight if we don't hurry. Plus Charlie is downstairs waiting on us." Jacob said as he gave me a sad smile.
"He's right Bella. I'll walk you down."
I couldn't help the tears that were falling as I stayed wrapped up in Edward's arms. I wasn't ready for what was coming. As much as I tried to tell myself that this was for the best, I was already having doubts and I hadn't even left Seattle yet.
"Bella, I can see it all over your face. You can do this; I promise. You are so much stronger than you realize. Remember what Dr. Kym said. This is just your insecurities and fears manifesting themselves. You are ready for this. I have faith in you." Edward squeezed me once more before releasing me.
Jacob grabbed my bag and made his way out of my room; giving Edward and I a few more minutes alone. I had already said my goodbyes to the rest of the group. That was hard enough. Alice practically begged to come with me. I almost gave in. If Jasper hadn't of pulled her from the room when he did...she would be on that plane with me. As it were; I felt I needed to check my luggage just to make sure she wasn't a stow a way. Edward was a little more subtle in his offer. And it was even more difficult to hold on to my resolve to do this on my own.
"I'm here for whatever you need. Call me if you need to talk, it doesn't matter the time. If you get there and decide you want me to come; just pick up the phone. I know this isn't easy for you but I know you need to do this. I know you know you need to do this. It's gonna be one of the hardest things you've had to face so far but lean on your family and friends. Jacob will be there with you. You know he won't leave you for a second. Your mom and dad will be there too. Don't shut them out. You can do this sweetheart."
"Thank you Edward...for everything." I was able to croak out.
"Come on, your dad is going to send a search party up for you if we don't get moving." And I was able to crack a smile because he really did know my dad.
"Can I have one more kiss?"
"Babe, you never have to ask permission for that. That's your own rule, remember?"
But I didn't give him a chance to say anything else. I took what was mine...his lips. I kissed him for everything I was worth and then some. I was not ready to leave him. The past few weeks had been incredible and I wanted to hang on to that happiness just a little bit longer. But the ringing of my phone broke up apart.
"I'm coming dad." I answered without even checking the caller ID. He is so predictable.
"Well you can't blame me for acting like an over protective dad when some boy has his lips all over you...even if I happen to really like said boy."
"How...what...I...?" I stuttered.
"I may be your old dad, but I do know what kids your age get up to. Now get down here before I have to embarrass you some more." He laughed.
I hung up the phone while shaking my head. Edward was looking at me curiously.
"I swear my dad has a sixth sense that lets him know when my lips are connected to yours. How many times has he called and interrupted up in the past week?" I asked while Edward laughed.
"Well it doesn't take much to interrupt us these days. If we aren't in class, practicing, or doing homework...our lips are typically pretty busy, so it doesn't take much to catch us." I blushed at Edward's declaration. But it was the truth.
I grabbed my messenger bag and tossed my phone inside. Double checking, I made sure I had my iPod, laptop, and my Kindle. I probably wouldn't have a lot of opportunities to read but you never know. I also stuffed my camera in the inside pocket of my bag. I even bought a journal for this trip, on suggestion of Dr. Kym. She thought it would be a good idea to write down my feelings during this trip. I had already made an entry last night.
After one more quick kiss, Edward took my bag off my shoulder and wrapped his free arm around my waist. I locked up the suite on the way out and sighed.
"It's weird...I never expected this place to feel like home; just a stop along the way to my final destination. Phoenix was always home, but now that I'm going back; I almost feel like a stranger returning there. This is home now and I don't want to leave."
"It's only a few days. You'll be back on Sunday and I'll be here waiting for you. We all will."
My dad and Jake were patiently waiting for me in the car, knowing how stressful and emotional this trip was going to be for me. They both got out when they saw us approaching. Jake and Edward did the man hug, fist bump thing and said goodbye. My dad shocked the hell out of all of us by pulling Edward into a hug. He said something to him, so low I couldn't hear. But whatever it was made Edward blush and smile. He looked over my dad's shoulder and winked at me. So I guess he wasn't being threatened with bodily harm.
"Okay Bells, I'm getting in the car, closing my eyes, and counting to sixty. Say your goodbyes and then get in the car...I'm not paying attention..."
I had to laugh at my dad's ever so non subtle way of telling me it was okay to kiss Edward bye. I heard the car door slam and immediately threw myself in Edward's arms.
"Well I for one won't waste an opportunity so freely given. I think my dad really likes you."
"Enough talk...kiss me." He replied.
And kiss him I did. Jake voice broke us apart.
"You got 15 seconds Bells."
"I'll call you when we get there. I already miss you." I said as I buried my face in Edward's neck. Inhaling deeply so that I could carry his scent with me.
"Remember I'm here for whatever you need." With a quick kiss he opened my door and handed me my bag. He said one last goodbye to everyone and shut my door. The need to tell him how I really felt was drowning me. But I thought it was too soon. I didn't want to scare him off.
"I like him Bella. He's good for you and you are good for him. I know I don't have to worry about him hurting you. He has a great family too."
"Thanks dad. That means a lot." And that was the end of father daughter boy talk for the time being. But it felt great that he had given Edward the official father seal of approval.
Luckily the airport wasn't very crowded, so we were able to check in and make it through security in no time at all. We stopped to grab a few snacks while walking towards our gate. We still had about thirty minutes before boarding would begin so we made ourselves as comfortable as we could in the airport seating. I was restless and couldn't sit still. Jake started going through my messenger bag and I nearly took his head off. I was seriously on edge.
"Easy Bells, I'm just getting your iPod. I think Edward's playlist may come in handy right about now." He smiled at me hesitantly, scared he'd set me off again. My dad just eyed me speculatively.
"Sorry Jake. I'm probably going to be saying that a lot this trip."
"I understand. Trust me. And just so you know, I'm not going anywhere either, no matter how many times you rip into me."
He handed me my iPod and I pulled up the playlist that Edward created for me. It was a mix of his own compositions as well as some of our favorite songs. I immediately relaxed but I still needed him.
I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next few days...I've already taken Jake's head off and we haven't even boarded the plane yet.
~Bella
Jake's got a hard head...I'm sure he can handle it. But seriously, if anyone knows how hard it is for you, it's him. Remember what I told you.
~Edward
You always know what to say. I miss you. I'll call you when we land.
~Bella
I miss you too babe. I'll be waiting by the phone.
~Edward
I had just started to relax when we heard our boarding call. Mom and Phil booked us first class tickets since Jake's legs are so long. My dad refused to let them buy his ticket but Phil used his frequent flyer miles to bump Charlie up. So we were all sitting on the same row. Jake and I were sitting together and my dad was sitting across the aisle from us. I took the window seat because even in first class, Jake still felt slightly cramped. He liked to stretch his legs out. We settled in for the four and a half hour flight. We had a slight layover in Salt Lake City but we didn't even have to get off the plane. Our flight was scheduled to land in Phoenix around 11 pm. Thankfully there were no hold ups and before too long we were taxing down the run way. As soon as we reached 10,000 feet, I pulled my iPod back out and settled in for the flight. I let myself get lost in the memories of the past few weeks.
"Bella...if you don't stop, I won't be held responsible for my actions." Edward groaned. I couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up. Me...Bella Swan, really is having an effect on a guy.
"Sorry. What can I say. I really like powdered sugar." I winked. Not sure where the confidence was coming from.
"Come on sweetheart, let's get to my room. Not for that...but getting somewhere more private is enticing."
And thus ended our first weekend as an official couple.
Edward and I were able to get in a very comfortable and enjoyable routine. We had managed to spend time with each other every day since that wonderful Wednesday when we finally got it all together. Somedays we were only able to grab lunch or supper together but on those days we were constantly texting or calling one another. We kept our Tuesday/Thursday routine of meeting for coffee in the morning. And he joined me for practice in the afternoons. It was surprisingly relaxing having him in the music room with me.
I had to remind both of us on a few occasions that music was my degree, not only my hobby and that I actually had assignments to complete. We tended to get lost in our composition whenever we were anywhere near a piano. I continued with the tradition of fixing supper once a week for all my friends. Everyone seemed to enjoy not only the food but the time we were all able to spend together.
Edward was true to his word about cutting back on his shadowing and volunteering hours; only giving his time two or three days a week. He tried to keep his weekends free, but I assured him that even we would need some time to our selves every now and then.
The Friday after the street fair, Edward took me out on our first real date...as he put it. True to Edward form, he wouldn't tell me anything.
"Edward, where are we going?"
"Not a chance Swan. It's a surprise."
"I really don't like surprises." I grumbled.
"Too bad. You're just gonna have to learn to like them or deal with them, but either way; I won't stop with them." He smiled that smile that makes my knees go weak and of course it made me shut up.
"Whatever you say Cullen."
That night was fantastic. We ate at a wonderful Thai restaurant that was off the beaten path. The food was phenomenal and we gorged ourselves. For once, Seattle was having a cloud free night and it was warm out.
"Take a walk with me?" Edward extended his hand to me when we left the restaurant. "There's a public garden just a few blocks away."
We didn't talk during our walk, but we didn't need to. Our silences were never meaningless. It almost felt like our silences had their own language, one we didn't even fully understand yet. So we walked hand in hand down the street. The garden was beautiful and peaceful. We walked around for about twenty minutes until we came upon a bench that was sitting by one of the many fountains in the garden.
"This is nice Edward. So peaceful. Doesn't seem like it belongs in the middle of a big city."
"I found this place when I was dealing with the fallout from Jessica. I've never told anyone about it; not even Alice. I spent many hours sitting here, just thinking...about the what ifs, the could haves, my future, and sometimes about nothing at all. It almost helped ease the pain as much as music did. I guess that's why I cleaved to it so much. I wasn't able to play so instead I sat in silence and tried to get lost in it."
"I wish I had found a place like this back in Phoenix. But that would have required me leaving my house. Hell, I hardly ever left my room. I had no clue where to look for solitude, well other than Jake. Looking back, he was my peaceful place; my sun in the darkness. I can't say it enough, but I really don't now where I would be if it not for him. I look back on that time and I can now see that because of me, Jake was never able to fully grieve. That's one thing I'm hoping he can start doing on our upcoming trip."
"You know he doesn't feel that way, don't you?"
"I do, but that doesn't mean I can't feel bad about it."
We sat in silence for a bit longer just enjoying our time together.
"Bella...I just want you to know how thankful and grateful I am for having met you. In the short amount of time that we have known each other, I can't begin to express to you how much of an impact you've had on my life. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for the two of us...individually as well as together."
I was near tears. It scared me how much I felt for him already. It scared me even more to think that he was feeling the same thing.
"I hope you know that I feel the same way. My life has changed so drastically since I moved here. Sometimes I fear that I'm going to wake up back in my bed in Phoenix and find out that all of this has been a dream...that you're nothing but a dream. I don't think I'd do too well with that." And I couldn't stop the tears that were falling.
"I can promise you that although this feels like the greatest dream ever, it most certainly is real; I'm real and I will do everything possible to prove that to you, every single day. And if this is a dream; then I don't ever want to wake up." It was corny, it was cheesy but it was perfect for us. He sealed that promise with the sweetest most tender kiss he'd given me yet; proving that this was...in fact NOT a dream.
The Yo Yo Ma concert was by far one of the best nights we've spent together. We went to dinner before the concert with Julia and Gregg, eating at a wonderful French restaurant. After eating, we made our way to the concert hall where I was introduced to many members of the Seattle Symphony Orchestra; including the lead clarinetist and the conductor. It was a very surreal experience, especially seeing the respect they held for Julia. We mingled for about thirty minutes and then found our seats.
The performance was phenomenal and it left me speechless. I saw Edward in a way I've never seen him before. I've seen him get lost in his own music and even in mine to a degree, but never like he did at that concert.
He was absolutely beautiful. The serenity that poured from him was immeasurable. For the first time since I had met Edward, he looked completely and utterly at peace. I watched him more than I watched the performance. Seeing Edward so content warmed my heart. I felt as if I could see his soul.
"You're beautiful." I whispered, not really meaning for him to hear me; but of course he did.
He looked at me, getting ready to respond, but when our eyes locked; I swear we connected on an even deeper level. No words were needed. He held me captive as I did him. I couldn't tell you how long we were locked in each others gaze. Only the applause of the surrounding audience was able to break our connection.
He leaned over and his lips grazed my ear.
"No Bella, you're the beautiful one."
We held hands for the rest of the concert and the electrical current that flowed between us was unbelievable. We didn't lose contact with each other until he kissed me good night at the door of my room. The electrical charge continued to flow and grow between us. It was hard to part for the night.
"...making our final approach into Salt Lake City..."
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that the first leg of our flight was nearly over. I turned off my iPod and stuck it back in my bag. We weren't getting off the plane here, but I needed to use the restroom once everyone who was deplaning did so. Jake stood up to stretch out his long body and my dad was asleep. He has really gotten used to planes, flying more in the past 18 months than he has in his entire life...combined. Once I returned from the bathroom, Jake and my dad traded places. I knew he wanted to talk, although he looked like he could hardly keep his eyes open.
"Hey baby girl. How ya doing?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.
"I'm okay dad." I answered, keeping my response intentionally vague. "How are you? You look dead on your feet."
"Thanks Bells. I worked a double yesterday, so I'm pretty tired; not as young as I used to be. But stop deflecting. I know you well enough to know that you are bottling it up." He gave me a pointed look.
"You're right. I won't lie and say I'm not nervous, anxious, terrified...but it's not like I wasn't expecting to feel this way. There isn't really a lot I could do to prepare for this trip. I've had sessions with Dr. Kym, but there is only so much talking about it is going to do. I just have to face it.
"Are you sure it's not too soon?"
"More than sure. I can't let him have anymore of my life. It's time I finally start living again and I have, but I need to do this before I can fully heal and let go. It's not only me dad..Jake needs to heal and so does the rest of my family. That can't happen if you are all waiting on me to do...well to either move on or fall apart. I can't promise that I won't have some sort of set back after this, but Dr. Kym feels that even if that happens, it is still a step forward in the process. If that does happen, I won't shut myself away again."
"Promise?"
"I promise dad. I have an even bigger support system now. I had an excellent one when all of this first happened...I was just too stubborn to utilize it. And way too lost in my own grief to even see it. I won't let that happen again."
My dad seemed appeased with my answers and switched back to his original seat after a quick hug and a kiss to my forehead. I took the few remaining minutes to text Edward and Alice just as we were pulling away from our gate. The flight from Salt Lake to Phoenix wasn't too long and I took the opportunity to make another entry in my journal, just jotting down my feelings about returning and my expectations.
My mom and Phil were anxiously waiting for us at baggage claim and thank the lord...she had bags of take out with her from Whataburger. Mine and Jake's favorite.
"Renee, have I told you just how lovely, young, and beautiful you are looking on this wonderful night?"
"Jake, flattery will get you everywhere." My mom laughed. "I knew you would be hungry and it's already getting pretty late. Figured it would be midnight by the time we we got your luggage and out of the airport.
Jake had already downed half his burger by the time luggage started to appear. He and dad told me to sit down and eat and they'd get the bags. I didn't object.
"Jake, Billy is really excited to see you but he said for you to just crash at our place tonight and he'll see you first thing in the morning. We are having a big family breakfast." Phil informed us.
"Guess that means I'm cooking." I smiled at Phil and he leaned down to whisper in my ear.
"That would be great Bells...I really miss your cooking!"
"PHIL! Don't think I didn't hear that." Renee attempted to scold him but it had no effect considering she was agreeing with him.
I called Edward while we were walking to the car to let him know we arrived okay. He and the gang were heading to Forks after classes tomorrow. I promised to call in the morning before saying goodnight. We all piled into Phil's SUV; Phil and my dad up front, Jake in the middle seat, and me and mom in the back. She wasted no time with the inquisition.
"So, how are things with you and Edward?"
"Really mom...it's late and it's been a long day."
"Oh I know honey. Just the basics. I'll get the details later." She sounded just like Alice.
"Things with Edward are wonderful. Better than I could have asked for." I smiled.
"Baby that's wonderful. Are you being safe?" She questioned with a twinkle in her eyes and a smirk on her face.
"MOM!"
"What, I'm your mother. These are things I have a right to know." And joys of all joys she managed to get the attention of Phil, Jake, and Charlie.
Jake was about to bust his gut laughing. He was actually laying across the entire middle seat and shaking. I swear it looked like he was going to explode out of his skin at any moment. Phil was staring at Renee through the review mirror with his mouth hanging open and Charlie...my poor dad, looked like he was going to have a stroke. But he quickly recovered and saved me when he saw how mortified I was.
"Renee, leave the poor girl alone. You know we raised a responsible daughter. Besides, there are just some things a dad would rather remain oblivious about." He said while shaking his head.
"Jake don't think you've evaded questioning son. She's just getting warmed up." Phil warned causing Jake to snap to attention and eye my mother wearily.
After a few minutes of laughter we all calmed down. But my mom was still looking at me expectantly.
"Mom, I'm going to say this once and only once. I'm still a virgin and plan to be that way for the near future. But if and when Edward and I decide to take that step, I can promise you we will be more protected than Fort Knox. We are both responsible adults and understand the consequences of having unprotected sex." I whispered as quietly as I could and thank god I succeeded. None of the males in the car were aware of my side conversation with my mother. I could tell by the heat in my cheeks that I was fire engine red.
But I knew this was my moms way of showing me that she has faith that I won't let what happen with James affect that part of my life. She knew about my concerns. And although it embarrassed the hell out of me, it also made me smile that my mom really does care and understand.
By the time we reached the house, I was laying in my moms lap nearly asleep. She was pulling her fingers through my hair; reminding me of when I was younger. Phil, Jake, and my dad unloaded our luggage while me and mom went inside to make coffee and hot chocolate. My dad took his suitcase to the guess room while Phil and Jake took our stuff to my room.
We all settled down in the living room and discussed what was going to happen over the next few days. This was something that had to happen. There was no way I'd be able to spontaneously "be" on this trip. I had to have some type of plan to get me through it all. I was planning to visit with Billy and Katie's family on Thursday afternoon followed by a family dinner at my favorite restaurant. The only big thing I had planned for Friday was meeting with Dr. Leslie. Jake and I were thinking of visiting some of our favorite places and even considering going to see Leah if she were home. Saturday was going to be the hardest day. I was visiting Elizabeth and then meeting with her parents. Dr. Leslie was generous enough to volunteer meeting with all families involved on Sunday before it was time to fly back to Seattle. This would be the first time since the sentencing that my family, Jake's, Katie's, and Elizabeth's would all be together. Dr. Leslie felt it would help all involved to continue the healing process.
I must have fallen asleep at some point during our conversation, because I woke up to Jake carrying me up to my room.
"Bells, do you want to change or sleep in what you're wearing?"
"Uggg...change. I want to take a shower, but I'm too tired. Can you just hand me some shorts and a t-shirt?"
"No problem."
He handed me my clothes and then retreated into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Once he was out, I went in and brushed my teeth and washed my face. I stumbled back to my bed and found Jake was already crashed. Even though it was late, I sent Edward one more message. I don't even remember hitting the send button.
My brain engaged before I even opened my eyes. Something heavy and hot was thrown over my face and my legs were caught in steel vice grips. And damn it, I was sweating. I knew from many morning of experience what was happening.
"Jake. Remove you big fat paw from my face and unlock those oak tress you call legs before I rip them off." I growled while kicking him.
"Shit Bells. Why you gotta be so violent in the mornings? For such a little thing, you scare the hell out of me. I should warn Edward" He croaked out as he rolled over.
"Seriously...I have a king size bed. Can't you keep your ass and all other appendages off of me? My god, are you a personal furnace...I smell like old dirty gym socks now from profusely sweating. And leave Edward out of this unless you want me to retaliate! Don't think I won't go talk to Angela about you." I yelled. I still hadn't opened my eyes. I hadn't planned on it either, until I heard laughter.
"I see some things never change. Language is a bit more colorful but still having the same arguments, even after all these years."
I knew that voice and I opened my eyes immediately, shocked that he was in my room.
"Billy! Oh I missed you so much." I squealed as I sat up. "But how?" Billy had been in a wheel chair for years due to severe arthritis and bad knees. At one time he was able to use other aids to actually walk, but things got to be too painful and he confined himself to a wheelchair. I knew he had been doing physical therapy so the muscles in his legs wouldn't atrophy, but I had no idea that he was now able to get around without his wheelchair.
Jake sat up and grinned at us both.
"You knew and didn't tell me?" I screeched at Jake.
"Calm down Bells. I knew, but dad wanted to surprise you.
"I still use my chair the majority of the time but I've been trying different combinations of medicines and also doing PT. The results being that I'm able to hobble around a bit. The doctors think they may have found an artificial knee that may actually work this time. But we can talk about that later. I was just too excited to see you kids so I braved the stairs to get up here. I can't tell you how much you've both been missed." He said in a broken voice.
I hugged Billy while crying and we were both caught up in a big Jake hug.
"Well is this a family pile on?" Phil asked. "Bells, I hate to break this up...but your mother is attempting to start breakfast." And I couldn't help but laugh at the expression on his face.
"I'll be right there. Go distract her for a minute; and I don't need to know how you are going to do that." I had caught them in too many awkward moments as were the case.
After a quick detour to the bathroom, I made my way down to the kitchen and thankfully my mom had only managed to start the coffee. There was a mug of hot chocolate waiting for me with lots of whipped cream on top. I decided to make western omelets, hash browns, and bacon. There wasn't a single scrape left when all was said and done. Seems all the men in my life eat like a pack of wolves. I left the clean up for the men while I got ready for the day. Before jumping in the shower, I called Edward.
"Morning beautiful." His velvety voice wrapped around me.
"Good morning to you too. Ready for the drive to Forks?"
"I guess. I'd be looking forward to it a lot more if you were going with me." He pouted.
"Next time, I promise."
"Am I crazy for already missing you so much?"
"Well if you are, we can share a room at the nut house, because I miss you just as much." I said and he laughed.
I told him about Billy and breakfast as well as my plans for the rest of the day. He had to leave for class and we said a quick good bye. Over the past few days whenever we part; whether in person, phone, or text; there seems to be a pregnant pause at the end. I know I'm fighting with myself to not say the three words that are dying to get out. I've wondered if he is fighting the same battle. I talked to Alice about it before I left and she just laughed and said we were both being stupid and blind. Cryptic roommate.
My nervousness caused me to spend extra time getting ready. Jake and I would be leaving to visit Katie soon. We were planning to have lunch together and just hang out. I was getting anxious and for the first time in months, I thought I was going to have to take medication to calm myself down. Almost as if he could feel my emotions, I got a text from Jasper.
Bella. I know today is going to be hard for you. Just hang in there. We are all here if you need us.
~Jasper
I smiled; remembering that I had friends who truly cared about me. Jake came to find me and reassured me that it was just Katie and I had nothing to worry about. He was excited to see her and it started to rub off on me. By the time we were walking out the front door, I was vibrating with anticipation.
"Calm down Bella. You're going to rock the car off the road if you keep jumping around in your seat like that."
"I'm sorry Jake. I'm just so nervous, excited, anxious, scared. I know it hasn't been that long since I last saw her, but I feel like it's been forever. So much has changed for me since moving away. I almost feel like it's the first time I've really seen her since everything happened. Does that eve make sense?"
"Yep. I completely understand. And I agree with you. You are finally starting to come out of that dark place that you've been in for so long. It's been slowly happening but the past two months has brought about so many changes in you. And just as a heads up, her parents aren't there. Katie asked them to give us some time alone, so there was no audience around. They are going to meet up with us later."
By this time we were pulling into the driveway at Katie's house. She was already sitting at the door waiting for us. I hadn't even opened the car door when the tears started to flow.
"Bells, why are you crying?" Jake asked as he opened the door for me. All I could do was laugh and point to Katie...who was also crying waterfalls.
"Women!" He shouted while shaking his head.
"You bet your ass Jakie Poo." Katie yelled out as she rolled herself down the ramp of her front porch.
I immediately launched myself out of the car and into her lap. Thank God she had secured the brakes on her chair.
"Umpf...geez Bella Bean. Give a girl some warning next time." She giggled as she wrapped her arms around me in a death grip.
"Katie Bug...I am so happy to see you. I've missed you so much. I am so sorry for the way I've been treating you." I choked out between tears.
"Oh Bella, I've missed you too, so much. I can't believe you are really here" She cried.
"Then why the hell is everyone crying if you're both so happy?" Jake questioned, proving how much of a male he really was.
"Jake, you ass, not all tears are sad tears. I can't speak for Bean but my tears are happy tears." Katie responded, giving Jake hell.
I chose not to respond because although I was shedding happy tears, they were mixed in with guilt, regret, sadness, and sorrow. But I wasn't about to ruin our reunion. So I just squeezed her tighter and kissed her cheek.
"I love you Bug." I whispered.
"I love you too Bean." Then she winked at me. "Jake, get your lazy ass over here and help us into the house."
"Katie...what do I look like, your servant?" Jake grumbled but was smiling all the same.
"Damn straight."
"But Bella is more than capable of walking." He complained. And then she really poured it on.
"Are you seriously going to argue with someone in a wheelchair? That's just wrong Jake. And although Bella can walk, well I'm not letting her out of my lap. So get to work slave boy."
And of course Jacob gave in. He could never deny us anything. He acted all pissy but you could see the happiness radiating from him. But being Jake, he couldn't simply push us up the ramp and into the house...no. He decided to push us down the side walk while popping wheelies and jumping onto the back of the chair. He nearly dumped us all in a heap on Mr. Harrison's lawn. He had lived there for years and was quite used to our antics.
"Bella? Jake? Is that really you?"
"Hey Mr. Harrison." We answered in unison.
"Well good lord. It is wonderful to see you kids again. Are you just down for a visit?"
"Yes Sir. It's fall break for UW, so we decided to fly down for the weekend."
"I'm so glad to see you looking so happy. Especially you Bella. Things going well for you?"
"Better than well, Sir." I smiled.
"That's wonderful. Now you kids run along and go have some fun. Don't be a stranger." He winked as he settled back into the rocker on his porch.
I attempted to stand up, but Katie would let me go.
"No way. I've waiting a long time to get you back. I'm not about to let you go yet. Let Jake put all those macho man muscles he's always bragging about to work."
Once we got back to her house, the first thing Katie demanded was for me to play. So I gave in to her request. It was the first time that either Jake or Katie had really heard me play in months. I'm not sure how long I played but when I stopped I heard sniffling all around me. I looked up and saw not only Jake and Katie, but her parents; Mary and Joe.
"Oh honey. It is so good to see you...and hear you again. We've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too Mama M."
"We won't stay long. Katie texted us and told us you were here and were playing. She didn't even know we were going to sneak in." Joe quickly added.
"It's okay. Really. It's so good to see you both."
"Hey, am I invisible?" Jake complained.
"Did you hear something?" Katie deadpanned. And we all laughed.
"Jake honey, we've missed you too. From what we've been hearing, Seattle is working out well for the both of you."
"Yes ma'am. As much as I miss everyone here, it's been wonderful so far. I'm really glad I made the decision to go." I answered honestly.
"Well you kids have fun today. Here, take this and go have some lunch and get into trouble." Joe said as he gave Katie his credit card. I started to protest but he quickly cut me off. "Bella...none of that. I haven't seen Katie smile so big since you guys left. Just go out and enjoy the time you have together. We'll see you kids later today?" He asked.
"Yes, you will. Join us for dinner tonight? Not sure what time, but I'll let you know." It was an impulse ask but I hadn't realized how much I had missed them.
"Absolutely." Mary and Joe answered.
It was still a little early for lunch so Jake, Katie, and I sat on her back porch and talked for a while. She asked about our friends and I told her in great detail about each one. Leaving Edward for last. Jake added details every now and then, but couldn't shut up talking about Angela. We discussed how all of our classes were going and she was thrilled to find out how close of a friend Dr. Smithwick had become. I knew she wanted to ask about the real reason behind the trip back, but we were starting to get hungry so that would have to wait.
Jake helped Katie into the front seat of my mom's SUV and put her wheelchair in the back. I climbed in the middle row of seats and popped my head between the two front seats so I could talk to both Katie and Jake.
"Where to?" Jake asked. We all paused for all of 1.2 seconds before answering...
"Mi Patio!"
This was our favorite place to eat in all of Phoenix. We were half way there when Jake's cell rang. He looked at the caller ID, laughed, and then hit speaker.
"You little shit...you too Isabella. I can't believe the two of you are in Phoenix and haven't bothered to call me yet. If it weren't for Uncle Billy I would have never known."
"We love you too Leah. And don't worry bitch, we were planning to get together with you tomorrow. I thought bonehead had already touched base with you."
"Bella...you should know better than to leave the important stuff to J. He's got the attention span of a nat."
"Hey, I am sitting right here you know."
"Whatever assface. So, want me to meet you guys at Bella's in the morning?"
"Absolutely. I have an appointment first thing in the morning, but I'd love to see you." I answered honestly. I'd missed Leah. She was a bit rough around the edges and terribly crude at times, but my god was she a blast to be around and she was a terrific friend.
"Alright, see you guys in the morning. You too Katie. I know you're there." Leah said before hanging up.
"How does she do that?" Katie asked in awe. Leah had an uncanny ability to just know things. Nothing of major importance. She just seemed to pick up on the little things, but it was still freaky as hell.
We arrived at Mi Patio and thankfully it wasn't very crowded. Although we had all eaten here millions of times, each of us took about fifteen minutes to look at the menu. We did this every time, despite the fact that we always ended up getting our usual. I ordered carne asada, Jake got pork carnitas, and Katie got mixed fajitas. Of course the meal wouldn't be complete without queso and guacamole. I don't know how we managed to eat everything, but we did. We even got dessert afterwards. Katie paid, per her dads demands and we left in search of adventure.
"Okay Bella, I've given you time. Now you need to talk. What's the real reason you decided to visit so soon after moving?"
I took a deep breath and then filled her in on everything that had happened since moving to Seattle. Some of it was a repeat but it was easier to start from the beginning than trying to remember what I had already shared with her. I wasn't even paying attention to where Jake was taking us. I soon figure out that he was just driving around to give me time to talk. And talk I did. He drove aimlessly around for the nearly two hours it took for me to purge my soul.
"So I guess the condensed version is that I know I need to face my demons before I can fully move on. I now realize that moving on doesn't mean I'll forget what happened, forget you, or forget Elizabeth. Moving on just means that I'll be letting go of the feelings of responsibility and the guilt I've been keeping bottled up. It will mean that I can fully open myself up to new people, places, and experiences. It will mean that I can live a fulfilling life and enjoy the chances and opportunities that are presented to me. It doesn't mean I won't grieve for what was lost or never be sadden by it again. I can't let what James did to me and to us run my whole life. I nearly gave up everything because of him. And I'm not willing to do that anymore. The loses we've been dealt are traumatic enough. I don't need to add more unnecessary hurt to that. It took moving away from here to completely understand what I had been doing to myself. But it took your letter to completely understand what I was doing to those that love and care about me." I finished as I dried the traitorous tears that had fallen.
Katie took a moment to process everything and to gather her thoughts. She looked thoughtful, contemplative, and finally victorious. I expected her words of comfort and wisdom...that's not what I got.
"Well it's about damn time Isabella. You finally pulled your head out of your ass and have finally started to get it together."
I wasn't the only one stunned into silence. But Jake recovered quicker than I did.
"KATIE! Is that really necessary?" He may love Katie, but he was worse than a mama bear when it came to protecting me.
I was still unable to speak; my emotions ranging from sadness, shock, and anger. Until I saw her smirk.
"You bitch!" I yelled at her and immediately started laughing. She knew what she was doing; getting her point across while breaking the tension.
"I fell for it again...didn't I?" Jake asked in a bitter filled voice. "When will I learn?"
"Well Tonto...if you haven't learned after...what 15 years? Well we always knew you had a thick skull." And then we were all laughing.
"Seriously Bella. I'm so happy that you are finally breaking away from it all. I really need to meet these new friends of yours; especially your Edward." There goes my blush. But hell yes, he is my Edward.
After extracting ourselves from the car and helping Katie in her chair; help she didn't need but allowed since it made Jake feel like a man, we made our way back inside her house. I called mom to let her know about the additions to our dinner party and she was thrilled.
Once dinner plans were arranged, Katie asked me to do something that I haven't done since that horrible night in March that changed all of our lives.
"Play with me Bells? You on piano; me on flute?" She asked hesitantly.
I knew this was something I needed to do. It would be an essential part of my recovery, but I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. The only person that I had played with since that night was Edward. I had to take a minute to myself to mentally prepare. I slipped onto her back porch and immediately reached for my phone; mentally chanting pick up, the whole time it was ringing.
"Hey baby." His smooth silky voice rang out after the third ring.
"Edward." I sighed.
"Is everything okay? You sound stressed out?"
"I just needed to hear your voice. Katie wants to play together; we haven't done that since...that night. I know I need to do this, but I'm terrified."
"Oh sweetheart. You are stronger than this. Why don't you do a few of your breathing exercises to calm down. I know this has to be difficult for you, but I have all the faith in the world that you can and will do this."
I took a few minutes to calm down my breathing and started to feel better.
"Will you stay on the phone with me? Just having you close by, even if it isn't physically, helps."
"Whatever you need. I'm just sitting in my room waiting for Alice and Jasper to get out of class so we can leave."
"Thank you Edward."
"Anything for you doll."
I walked back in to find that Katie had already gotten her instrument out and tuned it. I just gave her a thumbs up and smiled, while taking my place on the piano bench.
"Edward, I'm going to lay the phone down on the bench. Are you sure you don't mind?"
"Bella...of course I don't mind. I love hearing you play. Now get to it woman." And just like always, he made everything better.
I ran through a few warm up pieces and then Katie and I started playing any and everything we could think of. It was much easier than I ever anticipated. But it was blatantly obvious that someone was missing and it hurt, but it wasn't the crippling pain that I had dealt with in the past. As we played, so many memories of days just like this floated through my head, specifically the day we attempted to teach Jake to play an instrument...any instrument. We had attempted this on many accounts but this day stuck out in my mind.
"Come on Jake. Sit here." I commanded my thirteen year old best friend.
"Oh Bells, don't make me. You know I can't play that."
"That is a piano, you know this."
"Yeah and you know that all three of you have attempted to teach me this before. It doesn't work."
"One more time. Please Jakie Poo?" And he was a goner.
"Fine!"
After ten minutes of trying to teach him Mary had a little lamb for about the millionth time, I finally did give up.
"Are you sucking on purpose so we'll stop trying to teach you or are you really that tone deaf?"
"I'll never tell." He laughed.
Katie, Elizabeth, and I spent the next hour trying to get him to make one decent sound on multiple instruments; clarinet, flute (which he tried to play like a clarinet), harp, harmonica...finally we found something that even he couldn't screw up.
"Cowbell? Seriously, you're making me play the cowbell?"
"Well Jake, I love you to pieces, but you have no talent what so ever. So cowbell it is. Doesn't take much focus to hit a cowbell...now does it?" Elizabeth snarked and then we all laughed.
"You all suck." He pouted and this of course ended with one of our infamous Jake pile ups.
"Uggg...you girls are going to be the death of me. I swear. What am I thinking? Have three girls as best friends. Not only do I have to fend off all the swarming guys but now I gotta protect myself from them. I get no love." He muttered under his breath as he made his way to the back yard. That was his biggest mistake.
"Water fight girls?" Katie asked.
Let's just say that three against one ended up with a soak and wet Jake.
It helped remembering how much fun we had when we were all together. Although Jake never did learn to play anything, he was always there. A silent presence that just was. Katie and I lost ourselves in playing our favorites and before we realized it, an hour had passed. I suddenly remembered that I had asked Edward to stay on the phone with me. I was sure he had hung up, but I should have known better.
"I'm so sorry Edward." I apologized.
"Why? I'm not. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy listening to you play? I've never heard your music sound so free. Alice and Jasper have enjoyed the spontaneous concert as well." He laughed.
"What?"
"Sorry, they showed up about thirty minutes ago but I didn't want to hang up. I put you on speaker phone when we got n the car. They wanted to hear you too."
"Bella, that was amazing! Was that Katie playing with you?" Alice chirped.
"Yes it was." I answered as I put my phone on speaker.
I made introductions and we all chatted for a bit longer before hanging up.
"I like them Bella." Katie stated. "They seem to be great people and wonderful friends for both you and Jake. Now...when am I going to get to meet them?"
"Thanksgiving?" I innocently replied.
"Wait. Are you bringing everyone back here for Thanksgiving?"
"Nope. You're coming to Forks with us." Jake smiled.
"At least, that's what we're hoping." I added.
"Wow. Really? You want me to spend Thanksgiving with you in Forks?"
"Yep. Billy is going to be flying up. Figured he could use a travel companion. Would you want to spend a few days with us?"
"Are you kidding me? Of course I would love to. I can't wait to meet everyone. I'm sure mom and dad won't mind, especially if I tell them Bean asked."
We decided to broach that topic over dinner tonight and feel out the waters, so to speak. Katie was right. As soon as Mary and Joe heard what I wanted, they agreed; as long as all those involved didn't mind. I knew I would need to talk to Edward and then Carlisle and Esme, but I had a feeling they would more than welcome Katie into their home.
Being at dinner with everyone felt familiar but yet foreign at the same time. We were missing people and as much as we were all enjoying the time together, there was a dark cloud that hung over us all. I realized that I wasn't the only one grieving the loses we had all faced. I felt hopeful that the family session with Dr. Leslie would go a long ways in healing all the hurts that had accumulated.
For old times sake; Jake, Katie, and I decided to have a sleepover tomorrow night. Katie had classes in the morning, so tonight was out and I didn't think I was going to be very good company Saturday night. At dinner I asked everyone if they would be willing to attend the family session that Dr. Leslie was setting up for Sunday. Everyone agreed and all voiced that they thought it was a great idea. Now I only had to get Elizabeth's parents to agree. My stomach tied itself in knots thinking about seeing them on Saturday. I waited until the last minute to call them and tell them about my trip and request to visit with them. I was a chicken. I nearly asked Jake to make the phone call for me. But he insisted that it was something I needed to handle on my own. I know they don't blame me and have nothing but loving feelings for me, but it's still hard for me to really accept that. That's one of the things I'm hoping this trip accomplishes; acceptance.
We parted ways, making plans to meet up with Katie after her classes were finished; and made our way back to my house. Edward called to let me know that they had made it to Forks in one piece and to reiterate how much he wished I were with him. Emmett had to ruin the sweet moment by snatching the phone away.
"Bells...is your dad around?"
"Yes." I answered cautiously.
"Put me on speaker." He demanded and I started getting nervous knowing that Emmett has no filter between his brain and his mouth. But I complied.
"Okay Em. You're on speaker phone and just so you know; my mom and Phil, as well as my dad are here."
"Don't you trust me Bells?" He pouted.
"Sure I do Em...about as far as I can throw you." And that earned chuckles all around.
"Chief Swan? I just wanted to let you know that me and my Rosie are on the job while you're away. We even have our own set of handcuffs." SMACK! "Damn, Rose. What was that for?"
"Sorry Charlie. You'll have to forgive my oaf of a boyfriend. He has it in his thick head that he is needed to help protect Forks while you are absent." Rose apologized.
"Thanks Rose. But don't worry your pretty little head; Forks is plenty protected. Besides, I have a feeling any trouble that may arise, will probably be instigated by the one and only Deputy Emmett himself."
"Oh come on Chief. You know I would NEVER cause trouble. Just tell me where the keys to the cruiser are and I assure you that peace and order will be maintained. I even have the lingo down...please get out of the car with your hands in the air; up against the car and spread them; you have the right to remain silent..."
"You sure have been doing your homework Em. But the answer is still no. You know just enough to create months worth of paperwork for me." He chuckled.
"But..." Em complained.
"Don't make me call your dad."
"Sorry Chief Swan."
"But, if you behave yourself this time; I'll make sure you get to ride along with me the next time you are in town. Does that work for you?"
"Really?" Em asked excitedly.
"Really. And I may even let you play with the siren."
"You are the shit sir. I mean Chief. You rock."
"Charlie...you have just made Emmett's year." Rose informed us all. And we could hear the gang all laughing over the phone.
The whole interaction had everyone laughing hysterically. I thankfully got my phone back and finished my conversation with Edward. I told him all about my day and what I had planned for tomorrow. While talking, I made my way to the hammock in the backyard, a place I always found relaxing and peaceful.
"So really, how are things going so far?" Edward asked.
"Better than I would have ever thought, but so far things have been kept pretty light and carefree; with the exception of telling Katie the real reason behind the trip and then playing. But for the most part we've spent most of the day laughing and having fun. Tomorrow I have a morning appointment with Dr. Leslie and then Leah is going to join Jake and I to go visit some of our favorite places."
"Sounds like fun. I hope you'll be able to share them with me one day."
"I would love to Edward."
"So what about Saturday?"
"That's going to be a hard day. I'm planning to visit Elizabeth's grave in the morning and then meet with her parents sometime that afternoon. I don't expect I'll be up for much after that. Katie and Jake have offered to stay with me that night. But I know it's going to be an emotional day and I don't want Katie to see me that way. She never has in the past. Jake is used to it, but I don't want to throw him back into that place either."
"Bella, your friends are there to help you through this. Don't shut them out. I can understand why you don't want Katie there, but do you really think that Jake is going to leave you alone to deal with it all? Do you really think he'll listen to you and stay away?"
No. Jake wouldn't.
"You're right Edward. I just want Jake to be able to focus on himself for once. I've been so selfish in the past. I haven't really given much thought to what he went through, what he sacrificed, or how he was dealing with everything. I was only thinking about myself. I've been a terrible friend to him. He was never able to properly grieve for his friend because he was too busy making sure I didn't turn into a zombie; too busy making sure I remembered to eat. He spent too much time making sure I didn't destroy myself. I don't deserve his kindness, his loyalty, his friendship, or his love. What kind of person am I?" I couldn't stop the tears that were flowing upon that realization. It wasn't that these feelings were new, but they hit me harder than they ever had before.
I could hear Edward calling my name but I didn't answer. I couldn't. I heard rushed words and someone else's voice, but I tuned it out. I was solely focused on my inability to be a true friend to the one person who had never let me down and who had always been there for me. And just like every other time that I've ever needed him, he appeared. He took the phone from me and started talking.
"Hey Edward. I got her. Yeah, she'll be okay. She said what? Shit. I'll take care of it. Thanks for calling me. I'll tell her. You too."
The hammock shifted and then Jake curled up behind me, pulling me to him. I briefly wondered how in the hell he managed that without flipping us both out and onto the ground.
"Sweetie. You have to stop this. It doesn't do you any good and despite what you think, it isn't true. You freaked Edward out pretty good babe. He had Angela call me and she demanded that I go find you. He told me what you said. Bella, how many times do I have to tell you how important you are to me? You are my very best friend. My perfect other half. I don't exist without you. It's a damn shame we don't have romantic feelings for one another because quite frankly, we are perfect for each other." He laughed, trying to break me out of my funk.
"How can you say that? I have been so selfish. You have given and given and all I have done is take. I never gave you time to grieve; you were too wrapped up in taking care of me. How much damage did I do Jake? I can't seem to help but hurt those I care about the most. I don't deserve all the wonderful people in my life. How can you continue to give so much of yourself to me Jake? I can NEVER repay you for all you have done for me."
"Bella, stop this shit right now. Sweetheart, I love the hell out of you. I never expected anything in return. You don't owe me anything. I did what I did because I care about you and I hated to see you in so much pain. I was selfish too. Helping you get through all that shit was helping me to deal with it. I may have lost one friend and watched another suffer a life altering injury but I was not going to lose my very best friend to her own darkness. At least with Elizabeth there was closure and Katie, although physically different, was still Katie. But to watch you waste away into a shell of the person you once were; to watch you spiral into a place I couldn't reach you. I wouldn't have survived that Bella."
"You had every reason to shut down. Yes I lost a friend that night too, but damn it Bella. You saw it happen. You watched James draw the gun. You saw him aim. You heard the gun as the bullet left the chamber. You saw the blood. You touched it Bella. You held Elizabeth as she lay dying. And then you had to make the gut wrenching decision to walk away and leave her in order to save Katie. I know your own safety never even crossed your mind."
"Then you had to endure that bastard touching you, tying you up, a high speed chase, him fucking shooting you, listening to Katie as she screamed in pain, waking up in the hospital only to find out that we'd lost Elizabeth. Don't diminish what you went through. It didn't end there for you. You had months of recovery; physically. And we don't even have time to get into what you had to go through mentally and emotionally. Don't ever belittle our friendship or what I feel for you. I can live with a lot of stuff, but I cannot live without our friendship Bella. Yes, I gave up a lot to be there for you. But I wanted to be there. I know you don't think I've had time to grieve but I have. The demon that I need to put to rest on this trip is my own guilt."
"Your guilt? What do you feel guilty for?" I asked.
"Bella, for as much as you feel guilty for involving Katie and Elizabeth that night; I feel just as guilty for leaving that church. I know I wasn't allowed inside, but had I just waited outside, I would have seen James approach the church and I could have intercepted him, stalled him, called the cops; I could have done something."
I was shocked at this revelation. I never thought that this was what Jake was holding on to. And then I felt even shittier for not recognizing that my best friend was suffering with the same issue I was.
"You know you can't blame yourself for that. Who's to say he wouldn't have just shot you too?" I asked through tears.
"Rationally I know I can't blame myself, but you really aren't the person to be giving me this lecture." He smiled at me.
"Yeah yeah...pot meet kettle."
"Come on and lets get you inside. But first, just promise me you'll never ever say anything like that again about our friendship. It hurts to know that's they way you feel. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I expected to be fully repaid every time I was there for you. You may not have helped me through a life altering crisis, but I can promise you that you have been there for me and offered me just as much support in the years that we've been friends."
I highly doubted that but I sure as hell wasn't going to voice that opinion. He helped me out of the hammock and we made our way inside. My mom had a mug of hot chocolate waiting for me and a chilled face mask for my eyes.
"Alice called." was the only explanation that I got.
"Thanks mom. I think I'm going to head to bed. I have a long few days ahead of me and I'm going to need the sleep."
"Okay baby. I'll be here when you wake up in the morning. I love you Bella." She said as she kissed my head.
"I love you too mom."
Jake walked me to my room and then gave me my phone back.
"Call Edward. I'm sure he's climbing the walls by now. I'll be by in the morning to take you to Dr. Leslie's." He pulled me into a hug and then whispered "I hope you know just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Never forget that. Now, go get ready for bed and call your man."
"Night Jake. And thanks for once again saving my sorry ass from myself." I laughed. "And I love you too. But we'd never work out...you hog too much of the bed for my liking." He laughed all the way down the stairs.
I followed Jake's advice and got ready for bed. After taking care of the nightly routine, I changed into my pajama's, slid into bed with the face mask on, and then called Edward back.
"Bella! Is everything okay?" He asked in a rush.
"Edward, I'm so sorry for making you worry. I'm okay now. Jake snatch the kink out and like always made me see reason."
"Thank god. You don't know how close I was to hoping on a plane and coming down there." He laughed, but I had a feeling that he was being perfectly serious.
"You're way too good for me. I don't deserve you and I'm scared to death that I'm going to screw things up. But I'm a selfish girl and I don't intend to let you go."
"No Miss Swan, it is you who is too good for me and it is I who doesn't deserve you. But much like yourself; I'm selfish and don't intend on letting you go. So I think that makes us rather perfect for one another." I could hear the smile in his voice and picture the twinkle in his eye.
"I won't argue that point with you. I happen to wholeheartedly agree."
"Can I get that in writing? You actually agree with me; that has to be a first." We both laughed. We typically agree on most points, but lately I've had fun playing devils advocate when discussing things. It makes for me intriguing conversations.
"Watch it Cullen. But yes, I'll gladly put in writing how perfect I think we are for each other and how great we are together."
"I'll frame it and hang it right beside my check yes or no letter."
"You still have that?"
"Of course I do. Wait...that makes me sound like such a girl. Doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it kind of does." I snickered.
"Oh Swan...am I going to have to remind you just how manly I am? God, now I sound like Emmett. Shit Bella, I think I need to go before I start channeling Alice. That is something that I don't think either of us want to witness."
"You are crazy Edward." I giggled, not being able to rid my mind of the image of Edward jumping up and down squealing like Alice tended to do.
"Only crazy about you baby." He said with a laugh.
A/N: Well, I've been sitting on this chapter for over a week. I wrote and rewrote the ending countless times, only to delete most of it and leave it where it is. Writing the next two chapters is going to be taxing so maybe you could all give me a little encouragement...hint...hint...(yeah I'm begging for reviews).
So what did you think about Eclipse? I've already seen it twice. My 69 year old grandma, who is obsessed with Twilight, drove down to spend the week with me just so we could see the movie together on opening night. She loved it. And now I'm even more nervous about this story because I introduced her to fanfic and she will soon start reading it.
Thanks for reading!