**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**
"Until recently?"
"Late midlife crisis, he left the family. It hurt of course. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself."
"I understand, so I know you remember everything clearly, is that right? Of your own abduction and saving others."
All the joy drained away in that moment.
"It is all a bit to clear. It is hard. I, have nightmares. It is difficult to differentiate it all. I went through training and testing which is mandatory. I can handle it, it is just exceptionally mandating. Being a cop, it involves mind, body, and soul."
"You are not the first to feel this way Jane. Don't believe you are alone. The job can take life in more way than one especially for cops."
"I'm from Southie. You don't have to tell me that twice. I have seen more lives ruined than I care to admit."
"Jane you do not have to be strong one hundred percent of the time. The dreams are your mind telling you to rest, calm down, and take a step back. Your body is telling you to slow down. You need to discuss this with those who are closest t you, is that understandable?"
"Yeah. It actually is."
"Jane you can rely on others. It is okay to get attached. You should get attached. You know what you want and that is the important thing."
"You think so?"
"I know it. You have a good head on your shoulders, it shouldn't be too much to help you through all of this, and I know you want what is best. Now, tell me about Maura."
"I feel like I am not good enough for her."
"For her…?" He questions. He didn't want to push his knowledge. He wanted to let Jane tell her on his own.
Jane gulped.
"Well I, we agreed to keep it quiet. Only one other person knows the truth. My mother knows my feelings, and she seemed supportive, and Sergeant Korsak… Do you know him?"
The therapist indicated he did.
"Well …" She continues. "I love her, we are together. I don't want to affirm anything though."
"Why is that?"
"When things get serious, things go wrong."
"Maura told me that she thought she was pregnant."
"What did she say about it?" Jane seemed almost too eager. "I mean everything has been really hard to comprehend lately."
"That must be frustrating."
"It is, but I could never leave her. I came here for her. It was her idea, you see? I mean I wanted help too, I have dealt with it all before so by now it is just routine. Now though, she sees it. It makes me feel vulnerable."
"That's fine Jane. It is okay to feel exposed, to feel a crack in the armor at times. It only means you are normal and have limits. It's good she is there for you. I know eventually there will be a trigger and she will experience the same thing. Both of you should take it upon yourselves to study what to do for one another and yourselves when you undergo an unpleasant attack."
"That's a good plan. I really have looked into it for personal reasons. She usually is able to calm me down."
"That is good. You need that." He is genuine and warm. "Please call Maura in and come back. I'll tell you the plans I have. Both of you so much promise, and I am excited to see you work in groups."
"As am I."
She leaves and calls Maura in.
"So, how was it?" Maura imitated Jane's earlier reaction.
Jane grinned. "You are right. He's good. It wasn't the end of the world."
They walk back into the room again and take their seats.
"So, this is very interesting. I would like you to come to group therapy next week and we can do more individual work. I think that it would be very beneficial."
"We can still come together though yes? After everything that has happened it is hard to leave her alone. "
"If it will make things easier."
"It would make us grateful." Maura joined in.
"May I be honest with you ladies?"
"Fire away." Jane stated.
"Well, you two are very co-dependent on each other and a tad obsessive. It is almost to the point of unhealthy."
"Whoa whoa, that's a little too much. We didn't ask for that." Jane was surprised and becoming defensive.
He finds it endearing partly but he had more to say.
"I understand it though." He looks between them once more. "I know you two are together and it would not seem as bad if you two just told the truth."
His eyes land on Jane. "Maura wants you to tell Jane. She does not feel it is her place to ask anymore."
"Is that true?" She turned to the other woman.
"Yes. It is."
"Now Maura, Jane wants to tell. I didn't push her and she told me, that tells me something and it means something. It just has to be on her terms. She is used to being in control. Jane, you have to let Maura in though, if this is to be healthy then it is impossible until both of you are exposed."
"What do you recommend we do?" Jane questioned. It is hard for her to talk to people but this man seemed to have softness to him.
"Well, firstly, usually I would recommend time apart. It is what is best for those of this status. You both need to see how to handle the stress of life without the other. This is a special case though. I feel that Jane will be the trigger somehow. I would say to go about things normally but start being more open, with each other and those around you. It'll be much easier with those who have undergone similar situations, which is what the group was created for. Speaking about it and accepting it is the first part of recovery. No more denial."